Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

Chapter Two: Affection

The Prophet:

“Love children and be kind to them.”

Affection for Children

As a child needs food and water, he also needs to be caressed and to be treated with love and affection which is the best food for a child’s psyche. Children love to be kissed and hugged. The one, who from early childhood receives an adequate amount of love from his parents, is likely to have a pleasant disposition.

In many of the narrations of our religious leaders, affection for children is expressed and advised in various forms, some of which are as follows:

In the Sermon of Sha‘baniyyah, while outlining various duties, the Prophet advised: “Respect your elderly and be kind towards children.27

The Prophet is quoted elsewhere as saying, “He who does not have affection for children and does not respect the elderly is not one of us.”28

According to a narration, the Prophet also said, “Love the children and be kind to them.”29

Just before his martyrdom, ‘Ali thus advised, “In your family, be kind to children and respect the elderly.”30

In another account, he said to his followers, “The child must follow the elderly in his behavior and the elderly must be kind to children. Be careful not to behave like the oppressors of the Age of Ignorance.31

Imam Sadiq said, “A man who has much affection for his child will receive special mercy and attention from God.”32

The Prophet’s Affection for Children

‘Ali said, “When I was a little child, the Prophet would sit me on his lap, hug me and sometimes let me sleep in his bed. He would kindly put his face on mine and let me smell his fragrant body.”33

Yes, a child needs to be caressed. He should be stroked gently and lovingly on the head and looked at with affection. Looking at a child warmly and kindly will make him happy.34

The Prophet was so kind to children that it was said that on the occasion of his trip to Ta’if, the Prophet did not react to the children who threw stones at him. Rather, it was ‘Ali who chased them away.35

When the Prophet saw the children of the Helpers, he would stroke their heads, give themsalams and pray for them.36

Anas ibn Malik said: I saw no one kinder to his family than the Prophet.37

Every day, he would caress his children and grandchildren on the head38 . Kindness and affection for children were characteristics of the Prophet.39

One day, the Prophet and his companions were passing by a place where children were playing. The Prophet sat next to one of them, kissed him on the forehead and treated him kindly. Someone asked the Prophet about the reason for his behavior and he said, “One day, I saw this child play with my child Husayn. He took earth from under Husayn’s feet and rubbed it on his face. Therefore, since he is a friend of Husayn’s, I like him too. Gabriel told me that this child would be one of the companions of Husayn in Karbala.”40

Imam Sadiq said, “Musa ibn ‘Imran asked in his prayer, ‘O God, what deeds are the best ones to Thee?’ It was revealed to him, ‘Friendship with children is the best of all deeds to me, as children are god-fearing in essence and love me. When a child dies, I will mercifully make him enter Paradise.’”41

However, one should not show excessive affection for children as this will be harmful. There are many Islamic narrations which forbid such excess.

The Prophet’s Affection for Imam Hasan and Imam Husayn

The prophet had much affection for his children, Imam Hasan and Imam Husayn. Some examples of this fact as verified in various documents are listed below:

Sunni books quote ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar as saying, “The Prophet said, ‘Imam Hasan and Imam Husayn are my sweet-smelling flowers in the world.”42

Anas ibn Malik is quoted as saying, “The Prophet was asked, ‘Which member of your family do you like the most?’ The Prophet said, ‘I like Imam Hasan and Imam Husayn more than the others.’”43

In another account,Sa‘id ibn Rashid says, “Imam Hasan and Imam Husayn ran towards the Prophet. He embraced them and said, ‘These two are my sweet-smelling flowers in the world.’”44

Imam Hasan said, “The Prophet told me, ‘O my child, you are like part of my body, good for those who love you and your children and woe to the onewho kills you.”45

The Prophet’s affection for Husayn was so much that he could not bear his crying.

Yazid ibn Abu Ziyad said, “The Prophet left ‘Aishah’s house and passed by Fatimah’s house. He heard Husayn crying and said to Fatimah, ‘Do you not know that Husayn’s crying hurts me?’”46

The Prophet Prayed for Children

The Muslims would bring their children to the Prophet and ask him to pray for them.

Jamarah, ‘Abdullah’s daughter, quotes a girl as saying, “My father took me to the Prophet and asked him to pray for me. The Prophet sat me on his lap, put his hand on my head and prayed for me.”47

Tolerating Children

Umm al-Fadhl, ‘Abbas ibn ‘Abd al-Mutallib’s wife, who was Imam Husayn’s nanny, says, “One day, when Husayn was still a nursing baby, the Prophet took him from me and hugged him. The baby wet the Prophet’s clothes. I took the baby back hastily and he began crying. The Prophet told me, ‘Do not rush! My clothes can be cleaned with water, but what can remove the memory of pain from the heart of my child Husayn?’”48

It has been narrated that, when a child was taken to the Prophet either for prayers or to be named, the Prophet would open his arms to take the child and put the child on his lap. Sometimes the child would wet the Prophet’s clothes and those present would scold the child and would treat him harshly in order to stop him from urinating. The Prophet would stop them and say, “Do not stop a child from urinating by being harsh.” Then he would allow the child finish.

When the praying and naming ceremony was finished, the child’s relatives would happily take their child and the Prophet would not be the least bit upset with the child for wetting him. After the relatives left, the Prophet would wash his clothes.49

The Prophet’s Gifts to Children

One of the practices of the Prophet towards children was giving gifts to them.

‘Aishah reported, “Najashi, the king of Abyssinia, sent a golden ring to the Prophet, which had been made in Abyssinia. The Prophet called Umamah, the daughter of Abu al-‘AS (the Prophet’s stepdaughter) and said, ‘My dear little daughter, adorn yourself with this gift.’”50

There is a story quoted from ‘Aishah: “A gold necklace was brought to the Prophet as a present. All the wives of the Prophet were present and Umamah the daughter of Abu al-‘As , who was a child, was playing in the house. The Prophet showed the necklace and asked, ‘What do you think of this?’ All of us looked at it and said, ‘We have never seen anything more beautiful than this!’ The Prophet said, ‘Give it to me.’ It seemed as if everywhere around me became dark. I was deathly afraid that he might put it around someone else’s neck and everyone else thought the same. All of us were silent until Umamah came to the Prophet and the Prophet put it around her neck and left.”51

It was reported that an Arab man came to the Prophet and said, “O Prophet, I have hunted a fawn, which I present to you for your children, Hasan and Husayn.” The Prophet accepted the present and prayed for the hunter. Then he gave the fawn to Imam Hasan. He took it and showed it to his mother, Fatimah. Imam Hasan was very happy with this gift and he would play with the fawn.52

The Way the Prophet Treated the Children of Martyrs

Bashir, son of ‘Aqriyah ibn Jahni, says, “On the day of the Battle of Uhud, I asked the Prophet, ‘How was my father martyred?’ The Prophet said, ‘He was martyred in God’s way, may God’s mercy be upon him.’ I cried. The Prophet hugged me, stroked my head and put me on his steed and said, ‘Do you not like me to be like your father?’53

In the month of Jumadi al-Awwal of the 7th year after the Hijra, the battle of Mawtah occurred, in which three of the commanders of Islam namely, Zayd ibn Harithah,Ja‘far ibn Abu Ṭalib and ‘Abdullah ibn Rawahah were killed. The army returned to Madinah.54 The Prophet and the Muslims went to welcome them, chanting hymns. The Prophet was riding on an animal. He said, “Take the children for a ride. GiveJa‘far’s child to me.” They brought ‘Ubayd Allah, son ofJa‘far ibn Abu Ṭalib. The Prophet took him and put him to ride in front of himself.55

Ibn Hisham wrote: “Asma’, the daughter of ‘Umays, the wife of ‘Abdullah ibnJa‘far said, ‘The day when Ja‘far was martyred in the battle of Mu’tah, the Prophet came to our house. I had just finished the housework and grooming the children. The Prophet told me, ‘Bring me Ja‘far’s children.’ I took the children to him. He embraced them and began caressing them while shedding tears.

I asked, ‘O Prophet, why do you cry? Has there been any news of Ja‘far and his companions?’ The Prophet said, ‘Yes, they were martyred today.’”56

Other children were also not deprived of this kind and fatherly attitude by the Prophet. It has been told that the Prophet would embrace the children and would carry some of them on his shoulders and back. (He told his companions, “Embrace the children and put them on your shoulders.”) The children loved such displays of kindness and would be endlessly happy and would never forget such sweet memories. After a while, they would get together to recount the event for each other. Some would proudly say, “The Prophet took me on his back.” And another would say, “The Prophet ordered his companion to take you on his back.”57

The Way the Prophet Treated his Children during Prayer

Shaddad ibnHad said, “The Prophet had one of his two children, either Hasan or Husayn, with him during prayer. He stood in front of the rows and had his child stand on his right side. He lengthened his prostration.”

The narrator quoted from his father, “I raised my head and saw the Prophet with the child sitting on his back. I returned to my prostration. When the prayer was finished, the people said to the Prophet, ‘The prostration was so long in today’s prayer. Has there been an order to you about this or has there been a revelation to you?’ The Prophet said, ‘None of these. Rather, my son was sitting on my back and I did not want to bother him. I let him do what he wanted.’”58

There is a narration by Abu Bakr, “I saw Hasan and Husayn while the Prophet was saying his prayer. They jumped on his back. The Prophet held them when he was standing up so as to let them smoothly stand on the ground. He would put them on his lap and caress their heads and say, ‘These two boys are my two sweet-smelling flowers in this world.’” According to another saying, the Prophet said, “A child is a sweet-smelling flower and my sweet-smelling flowers are Hasan and Husayn.”59

In another narration, it is said that, “One day, the Prophet was saying prayers with a group of Muslims. When the Prophet prostrated, Husayn, who was a little child, mounted on the Prophet’s back and move his legs as if urging his steed forward.

“When the Prophet wanted to sit up from prostration, he took him and put him at his side. This continued to the end of the prayer.”

A Jew witnessed this event. After the prayer, he said to the Prophet, “You treat children in a way we have never done before.”

The Prophet said, “If you believed in God and his messenger, you would be kind to your children.” The Prophet’s kindness strongly impressed the Jew and he converted to Islam.60

Chapter Three: Kissing Children

“A child is a sweet smelling flower.”

The Noble Prophet

When a parent kisses his child, such behavior strengthens the affection between the parent and the child and it is the best way to quench a child’s thirst for love. A kiss shows that parents are kind to their children. It feeds the seedling of love in the child’s soul while it makes him aware of his parents’ love for him and it stimulates the creation of a new force within the child.

The Prophet also kissed children. Interestingly, his love for children was publicly displayed. This has two advantages:

Firstly, a child’s personality is radically reinforced by being respected in public.

Secondly, the Prophet thus taught the people how to strengthen and encourage their children.

Islam often emphasizes kissing children.

The Prophet said, “One who kisses his child does a pious deed and one who makes his child happy will be made happy by God on the day of Resurrection.61

‘Aishah said, “A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘Do you kiss children? I have never done so!’ The Prophet responded: ‘What can I do when God has taken his mercy from your heart?’”62

It has also been reported that a man came to the Prophet and said, “I have never kissed a child!” Later the Prophet said, “I think this man is one who will end up in the fire of hell.”63

There is another saying that, “The Prophet kissed Hasan and Husayn.Aqra‘ bin Habis said, ‘I have ten children, none of whom I have kissed.’ The Prophet turned to him and said: ‘What can I do when God has taken his mercy from you?!’64 ”

‘Ali said, “Kiss your children because there is a rank and position for you in every kiss you give.”65

Imam Sadiq said, “Kiss your children often because every time you kiss them, God gives you a rank.”66

Ibn ‘Abbas reported: “I was with the Prophet. Ibrahim, his son, was on his left knee and Imam Husayn was on his right. The Prophet sometimes kissed Ibrahim and sometimes Husayn.”67

Justice for Children

One thing that parents have to consider about their children is establishing justice among them. Children should taste the flavor of and feel justice from the very beginning, become familiar with it and consider it as a necessity for the society and for their lives, while avoiding any injustice and oppression. Therefore, the smallest matter should be treated with importance and administered with justice.

‘Ali said, “The Prophet saw a man with two children, one of whom he kissed and the other he did not. The Prophet said, ‘Why do you not treat them with justice?’”68

AbuSa‘id Khidri said, “One day, the Prophet went to his daughter’s house.

‘Ali was sleeping in bed and the children Hasan and Husayn were beside him. The children asked for water. The Prophet fetched them water. Husayn came forward first. The Prophet said, ‘Hasan asked for water first.’ Fatimah asked, ‘Do you like Hasan more?’ The Prophet answered, ‘Both are equal to me [but justice demands that each one takes his turn to drink water].’”69

Anas said, “A man was sitting with the Prophet. The man’s son entered the room. The father kissed him and sat him on his lap. Then the man’s daughter came and [without kissing her], he sat her next to himself. The Prophet said, ‘Why did you not treat them with justice?’”70

‘Ali said, “Do justice to your children as you yourself wish to be treated with justice.”71

The Prophet Kissed Fatimah

The Prophet loved his daughter Fatimah and still kissed her even when she had a husband and children.

Aban ibn Taghlab said, “The Prophet often kissed his daughter Fatimah.”72

Imam Baqir and Imam Sadiq have said, “The Prophet kissed Fatimah at night, when she was asleep and put his face on her chest and prayer for her.73

‘Aishah said, “The Prophet once kissed Fatimah on the neck. I told him, ‘O Prophet, you treat Fatimah in a way that you do not treat others.’ The Prophet said, ‘O ‘Aishah, whenever I take interest in the Paradise, I kiss her on the neck.’”74

When Should One Stop Kissing Children?

One may ask, at what ageshould one stop kissing children. To answer this, we have referred to the words of the religious leaders.

Islam pays special attention to the ages of 6 to 10 in the upbringing of children and gives special instructions to its followers while taking into consideration the divine laws and the physical and spiritual conditions of children. Therefore, with practical applications, it has controlled the sexual urges of children so as to prevent the development of immoral practices in them.

Islam keeps children 6 years of age or older away from any sexual provocation and instructs parents to provide a favorable environment in order to control their children’s sexual tendencies.

The Prophet said, “A 6-year-old girl should not be kissed by a 6-year-old boy and women should avoid kissing boys 6 to 7 years of age.”75

The Prophet Kissed Imam Hasan and Imam Husayn

In addition to kissing his daughter, the Prophet loved her children Imams Hasan and Husayn and kissed them.

Abu Hurayrah said, “The Prophet was kissing Hasan and Husayn when one of the Helpers said, ‘I have ten children none of whom I have ever kissed.’ The Prophet responded, ‘One who shows no mercy will be shownno mercy.’”76

Salman Farsi (Salman the Persian) said, “I came to the Prophet and saw that he had put Husayn on his lap and was kissing him on the forehead and lips.”77

Ibn Abu ad-Dunya’ said, “Zayd ibn Arqam saw in ‘Ubayd Allah ibn Ziad’s court that the latter was hitting the lips of Imam Husayn’s severed head with his cane.

“Zayd ibn Arqam said to ‘Ubayd Allah, ‘Take away your cane. I swear by Allah that I saw the Prophet kiss these two lips many times.’ He said this and he began to cry. ‘Ubayd Allah ibn Ziyad replied, ‘May God make you cry. If you were not a senile old man, I would order you to be beheaded!’”78

Zamakhshari said, “The Prophet embraced Hasan and kissed him. Then he put him on his knee and said, ‘My meekness, patience and dignity I have given to him.’ Then he embraced Husayn, kissed him, put him on his left knee and said, “I have given him my bravery, generosity and magnanimity.’”79

Chapter Four: Playing with Children

“Anyone with whom there is a child shall treat him as a child.”

The Noble Prophet

One thing that affects a child’s personality is adult participation in children’s games. A child tends to imitate adult behavior firstly because of his physical weakness and secondly because of the force and power he sees in adults and the love that he naturally has for growth and development.

When parents descend to the level of children and take part in their games, children will indeed be happy, excited and feel inside that what they do is very important.

Therefore, it is very important to play with children as part of their upbringing. This is considered by psychologists to be a parental duty.

T.H. Morris wrote in Lessons for Parents, “Be friends with your children and play with them. Tell them stories and have friendly chats with them. Parents should especially know that they have to come to the same level as that of children and speak to them in the language they understand”80

Another psychologist stated, “It is necessary for the father to take part in his children’s entertainment and games. This mutual understanding seems necessary. Indeed, there are different times, places and chapters in life. A father who takes part in his children’s games indeed does not spend much time for this, but he is aware of the great importance for the child of the fact that the father descends to a child’s level to take part in children’s games, however little the time may be that the father spends for this.”81

The Playing Instinct in Children

One of the instincts that God has endowed children with is the interest in playing. Children run, jump, are sometimes entertained by toys and take pleasure in moving them around. Although such movements may appear useless in the beginning, they are necessary for the development of their tender bodies and souls and improve their abilities of thought and innovation. This is perhaps one of the reasons why Islamic narrations advise playing with children.

Playing with children is a practice that is important in the development of independence of will and the stimulation of creativity and innovation. When a child makes a structure with his toys, his thought mechanism functions like that of a construction engineer and he takes pleasure in his successes. When he faces a problem in his task, he thinks of a solution. As a result, all his actions strongly affect his personality.

The Prophet said, “One who has a child with him has to treat him like a child.”82

The Prophet also said, “God’s mercy be upon the father who helps his child for good purposes, treats him well, is his friend and educates him well.”83

‘Ali said: “Let your child be free, until the age of 7, to play.”84

Imam Sadiq said, “The child plays in the first seven years of his life, spends his time learning in the second seven years and learns about religious permissions and prohibitions in the third seven years.”85

‘Ali also said, “One who has a child has to behave in a childlike manner in training his child.”86

The Prophet Played with Children

The Prophet played with his children, Imam Hasan and Imam Husayn. There are many narrations in this respect, some examples of which are provided below.

It has been reported that the Prophet caressed his children and his grandchildren on the head lovingly every morning and that he played with Husayn.87

Ya‘la ibn Marrah said, “The Prophet had been invited to lunch. We were with him, when all of a sudden we saw Hasan playing in the alley. The Prophet saw him and ran towards him with arms outstretched to catch him. However, the child ran this way and that, escaping from the Prophet and making him laugh. Then the Prophet caught Hasan. He put one hand under his chin and the other on his head. He brought his face close to the child’s and kissed him, saying, ‘Hasan is a part of me and I am a part of him. God will love those who love him.’”88

Many narrations report that this incident was about Imam Husayn [rather than Imam Hasan].89

Imam Sadiq said, “One day, Imam Husayn was sitting on the Prophet’s lap and the Prophet was playing with him and laughing. ‘Aishah said, ‘O Prophet, you play so much with this child.’ The Prophet said, ‘O no, how can I fail to love him when he is the fruit of my heart and the apple of my eyes?!’”90

Jubair ibn ‘Abdullah said, “The Prophet played with the children of his companions and comrades and let them sit beside him.”91

Anas ibn Malik said, “The Prophet had the best manners among the people. I had a little brother who had just been weaned and of whom I took care. His nickname was Abu ‘Umayr. When the Prophet saw him, he would say, ‘See what weaning has done to you!’ and he would begin playing with him.’”92

There is a saying that, “The Prophet would call the children of ‘Abbas. They were young and still loved to play. Then he would tell them, ‘He who comes to me the fastest will be rewarded.’ The children would race towards the Prophet. He would embrace and kiss them.93 Sometimes , he would give them a ride on his back and he would caress them on the head.”94

Giving a Ride

The Prophet would give rides to the children, seating them in front of or behind himself while riding. This had a very positive psychological effect on the children as they would consider this to be a very valuable and an unforgettable experience.

It is worth noting that the Prophet would sometimes carry children on his back and sometimes on his shoulders. Examples of these are provided in this chapter.

Jabir, a companion of the Prophet, said, “I came to the Prophet while Hasan and Husayn were on his back. The Prophet was walking on hands and feet and saying, ‘You are having a good ride and you are good riders!’”95

Ibn Mas‘ud says, “The Prophet was carrying Hasan and Husayn on his back, with Hasan on his right and Husayn on his left side while saying, “You are having a good ride and you are good riders. Your dad is better than you.’”96

The Prophet Let Children Ride on His Steed

The Prophet treated the children of his companions just like his own and he would let them ride on his steed. Some examples of this are as follows:

‘Abdullah, the son of Ja‘far ibn Abu Talib, said: “One day, the Prophet let me ride behind him and told me something that I will not tell anyone.”97

It has been said that whenever the Prophet returned from a trip and saw children, he would stop and order the others to pick the children up and he would let one of them ride in front of him and another behind him. After a while, the children would say to each other, “The Prophet let me ride in front but you rode behind.” Others would say, “The Prophet ordered his companions to let you ride behind them.”98

Fudayl ibn Yasar said: “I heard Imam Baqir say, ‘The Prophet was going somewhere when he saw Fadhl ibn ‘Abbas. He told his companions, ‘Let this child ride behind me.’ They put the child behind the Prophet and he was very careful with him.”99

‘Abdullah, the son of Ja‘far said: “I was with Qutham and ‘Ubayd Allah, the children of ‘Abbas and we were playing. The Prophet passed by and said, ‘Lift this child and let him ride.’ They lifted ‘Abdullah and put him in front of the Prophet. Then the Prophet said, ‘Bring this child too!’ They lifted Qutham and put him behind the Prophet.”100

Certain things have been said about the way the Prophet carried children on his shoulders:

1. He put the children on his shoulders in such a way that they faced each other.

2. He put them on his shoulders in such a way that one’s back faced that of the other.

3. He put one on his right shoulder and the other on his left shoulder.

4. He put one on his right shoulder, facing the front and the other on his left shoulder, facing the back.101