Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

[SECTION 03]

201. ARGUMENT FROM THE 2nd LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS (I)

(1) The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that a closed system tends to disorder.

(2) The universe is closed and ordered.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

202. ARGUMENT FROM SONG

(1) The song "America the Beautiful" has the line "God shed his grace on thee."

(2) Therefore, God exists.

203. ARGUMENT FROM APOLOGETICS WEBPAGES

(1) I was surfing the Net and came across this really cool webpage of apologetics.

(2) Their arguments were stunning. I couldn't refute them.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

204. ARGUMENT FROM COMFORT

(1) All kinds of people have found comfort in religion.

(2) That means there must be something there to give comfort to them.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

205. BILL O'REILLY'S ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Atheism is challenging this country's Christian roots!

(2) We are Christians!

(3) We will make a big stink about this, and not let atheists win!

(4) We will win because God is on our side!

(5) Therefore, God exists.

206. ARGUMENT FROM EXISTENTIAL LONELINESS

(1) This can't be all there is to existence.

(2) I mean it's so horrible, pointless, brutal and nasty.

(3) It's all so depressing.

(4) I'm lonely.

(5) There has to be something else out there.

(6) I mean it, there just has to be.

(7) THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE OUT THERE!

(8) ARRGGGG!!! THERE JUST HAS TO BE!!!!

(9) God! He can be out there for me.

(10) I'm not so lonely now!

(11) Yay!

(12) Therefore, God exists.

207. ARGUMENT FROM SINS I LIKE, a.k.a. PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S ARGUMENT (IV)

(1) I don't like abortion.

(2) But this is just my opinion.

(3) I want my opinion backed up with facts.

(4) But in the absence of facts, morals will do.

(5) Christians say abortion is a sin! Yeah! I have allies!

(6) But for a sin to exist and Christians to be right, God must exist.

(7) Therefore, God exists.

208. ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN SOLIPSISM

(1) Nothing but Jesus is real.

(2) See #1.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

209. The ARGUMENT FROM THE THRONE ROOM

(1) Would you stand in the presence of a mighty king and demand that he prove he exists?

(2) No?

(3) That's what you're doing with God, you arrogant bastards.

(4) I don't CARE that you can't see him!

(5) Therefore, God exists.

210. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF IMAGINATION

(1) I couldn't imagine not believing in God.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

211. ARGUMENT FROM WOW

(1) When I look into the sky and see all the pretty stars, all those galaxies...

(2) Wow.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

212. ARGUMENT FROM ARMCHAIR PSYCHOANALYSIS

(1) You say there's no God?

(2) Ah, someone calling themselves Christian must have really hurt you in the past.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

213. ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE IGNORED

(1) Dembski, Behe and Plantinga are ignored by mainstream intellectuals.

(2) Only a fear of the truth could explain this.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

214. ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE NOT IGNORED

(1) Mainstream intellectuals are paying some attention to Dembski, Behe and Plantinga.

(2) Only a growing recognition of the truth could explain this.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

215. ARGUMENT FROM COUNTERFACTUAL EVIDENCE

(1) You claim the evidence for Jesus' divinity is non-existent.

(2) But if there were lots of evidence, you would still not be convinced.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

216. ARGUMENT FROM UNSEEN MIRACLES

(1) Atheists wouldn't believe in God even if He showed up and performed a miracle for them.

(2) See! There was a miracle right over there! Didn't you see it?

(3) No?

(4) You must be an atheist. Therefore, you cannot see miracles.

(5) But miracles happen. You just can't see them.

(6) Likewise, God exists. You just can't see Him, because you are so determined not to.

(7) Therefore, God exists.

217. ARGUMENT FROM WIND

(1) You believe in wind.

(2) But you can't see it.

(3) God's the same way.

(4) It IS TOO analogous!

(5) Therefore, God exists.

218. ARGUMENT FROM WARREN ROBINETT

(1) There's a secret message in the video game "Adventure."

(2) It reveals that the game was created by Warren Robinett.

(3) It's the same way with the world.

(4) Look for the secret messages, and you will find the world's Creator.

(5) Therefore, God Exists.

219. GOODY2SHOES' ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSIVENESS

(1) You keep making statements that I think are generalizations, hypocritical, and bigoted.

(2) I will only agree to stay if you stop that.

(3) [Non-believer tries to be non-offensive.]

(4) You're still offending me because of [insert random statement here].

(5) [Non-believer rereads her posts before posting, posting when she thinks she is not being offensive.]

(6) I'm offended!

(7) [Non-believer tears her hair out trying to figure out how to be non-offensive.]

(8) This conversation is just the two of us. I think we should stop this conversation.

(9) [Non-believer figures 'Fuck it' and posts what she really thinks.]

(10) WOW! WHAT A BIGOT! I'm leaving!

(11) I have a spiritual victory.

(12) Therefore, God exists.

220. ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (II), a.k.a. TERCEL'S ARGUMENT (II)

(1) I have a large number of arguments for God.

(2) There is a small chance that at least one of them is true.

(3) Using voodoo probability calculations, this means that there is a much greater chance that all of them are true taken together!

(4) And this ISN'T just the mathematical version of the Ontological Proof; I'm a real mathematician and you obviously can't understand this proof because you don't know as much about math as I do.

(5) Oh, and don't confuse things by mentioning how many atheistic arguments there are, and the probability of each of them being correct...

(6) Or the fact that I basically pulled the probability of each of my arguments being correct out of my ass...

(7) And admit that I know more about math than you, and you'll see that...

(8) Therefore, God exists.

221. ARGUMENT FROM TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES

(1) One time, I was in deep emotional pain.

(2) I prayed to God, and felt His presence.

(3) You aren't going to deny my emotional pain, are you?

(4) Therefore, God exists.

222. ARGUMENT FROM ABUSING THE BODY

(1) One time, I fasted for three days straight, prayed on my knees for hours, and didn't sleep, either.

(2) At the end of that time, God answered me.

(3) You see, you just have to mortify the flesh and accept the things of the spirit in order to meet God.

(4) No, there is no possibility that it was a hallucination!

(5) Therefore, God exists.

223. ARGUMENT FROM ECSTASY (I) (used by a number of saints)

(1) I woke up last night with a feeling of indescribable pleasure and joy.

(2) It couldn't have been sexual; I'm holy and never have thoughts like those.

(3) So the ecstasy must have come from God.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

224. ARGUMENT FROM FEELING LOVE ALL AROUND, a.k.a. PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S ARGUMENT (V)

(1) I can just feel love all around me. I know the world is a good place, that people are essentially good, and that that comes from God.

(2) I don't know how I know. It's just there. You've never felt it?

(3) I don't know how I know. Stop pestering me!

(4) [Sheds tears until nasty non-believer goes away.]

(5) Therefore, God exists.

225. ARGUMENT FROM MUSIC / ART

(1) You like classical music.

(2) Classical composers wrote for God.

(3) [Non-believer points out that they had to compose for the Church or they would have been executed.]

(4) But they wrote for God and you like the music.

(5) Therefore, God Exists.

226. ARGUMENT FROM SADISM (I)

(1) I enjoy beating children.

(2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

227. ARGUMENT FROM SADISM (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM MISOGYNY

(1) I enjoy treating women like dirt. It makes me feel powerful.

(2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

228. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (II)

(1) The Bible says the Bible is true.

(2) Therefore the Bible is true.

(3) The Bible says God exists.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

229. WILLIAM JAMES' ARGUMENT

(1) We should give people the benefit of the doubt.

(2) When someone says God exists, we should believe them.

(3) A lot of people say God exists.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

230. PASCAL'S ARGUMENT, a.k.a. PASCAL'S WAGER (I)

(1) If God exists, it would be really cool. (And I would win big-time.)

(2) If God didn't exist, it would really suck. (But I wouldn't lose much.)

(3) Thus I should believe in God because it's the best bet.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

231. ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL PRESERVATION

(1) The Bible hasn't changed much since it was written.

(2) Therefore everything in it must be true.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

232. ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL PROPHECY (II)

(1) Jesus clearly fulfilled all the prophecies of the Jews.

(2) I don't care if many stories were created to fulfill prophecy.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

233. ARGUMENT FROM STEWARDSHIP

(1) God gave us the earth to take care of.

(2) We take care of it.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

234. ARGUMENT FROM THE 2nd LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS (II)

(1) All systems become chaotic.

(2) The Universe, too, will become chaotic.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

235. ARGUMENT FROM UNICORNS

(1) Unicorns don't exist, especially invisible pink ones.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

236. ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE (I)

(1) What's the meaning of life?

(2) [Atheist gives her answer.]

(3) That's not what I believe.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

237. ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC

(1) There are some things in logic that you can't logically demonstrate.

(2) Therefore you have to take them on faith.

(3) Your faith in logic is the same as my faith in God.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

238. VELIKOVSKY'S ARGUMENT

(1) If you twist the details enough, you can make a case for Venus or a comet causing the Biblical catastrophes.

(2) Therefore the Bible is true.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

239. ARGUMENT FROM CAN'T-BE-A-RACIST

(1) Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in God.

(2) I don't think you want to say Dr. King was a fool, do you?

(3) That's what I thought.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

240. ARGUMENT FROM JESUS’ TORTURE

(1) No one ever, ever suffered as much as Jesus did on the cross.

(2) No, not the victims of the Inquisition.

(3) No, not the women burned at the stake or hanged as witches.

(4) No, not all the people who died thinking they were going to Hell!!!

(5) Who but God would suffer like that for us ungrateful, unworthy humans?

(6) Therefore, God exists.

241. ARGUMENT FROM SEVERABILITY, a.k.a. THE TRUE SCOTSMAN ARGUMENT

(1) Lots of ridiculous statements are made by people who only claim is to be Real Christians.

(2) They just give Real Christians a bad name.

(3) Real Christians don't believe <insert Biblical reference> is literally true.

(4) But that doesn't mean the Bible isn't still mostly true.

(5) And the Bible is the Word of God.

(6) Therefore, God exists.

242. ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE

(1) Because.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

243. ELABORATED ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE

(1) Because.

(2) Because why?

(3) Because!

(4) Therefore, God exists.

244. TAFFY LEWIS' ARGUMENT FROM "LET'S JUST BELIEVE"

(1) All belief systems should be treated the same as the scientific one.

(2) Non-believer: Why?

(3) Because they have their own grounds.

(4) Anyway, that's my experience of how the world works.

(5) Non-believer: It's not mine. And why should you treat claims of unicorns less seriously than claims of gods?

(6) I don't believe there are unicorns.

(7) But I believe there are gods.

(8) Therefore, God exists.

245. ARGUMENT FROM UNIQUE EXISTENCE

(1) God exists but not in a way that anything else that exists exists.

(2) Since there are no other things that exist as God exists, we are free to make up things about God's state of existence that ensure his continued non-observability

(3) Therefore, God exists.

246. TAFFY LEWIS' ARGUMENT FROM POSITIVE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE

(1) More people have had positive religious experiences in the context of Western theism.

(2) Therefore, God is kind, just, and all-loving.

(3) [non-believer: What about the people who have had negative experiences? Or experiences of God's non-existence?]

(4) They don't count.

(5) Therefore, God is just the way I describe him to be.

(5a) Oh, yeah. And God exists.

247. ARGUMENT FROM RIGHTS

(1) The Declaration of Independence founded the U.S.

(2) Therefore, the Declaration of Independence is true.

(3) The Declaration of Independence says that our rights are "endowed by our Creator."

(4) George W. agrees with this.

(5) You have rights, don't you???

(6) Well where the f*** do you think they came from???

(7) Therefore, God exists.

248. ARGUMENT FROM FUTURE EVIDENCE (I)

(1) Look, I realize that it doesn't seem to make sense that there would logically be a God.

(2) However, I know He's real, and that in the future I think that maybe something will happen probably that will show you all.

(3) Therefore, God Exists.

249. ARGUMENT FROM POSTULATE

(1) To fully understand the following demonstration, you must first assume that God exists.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

250. ARGUMENT FROM POOR TYPING SKILLS

(1) In tihs essae ill demnstrate that gOd exsits in a way tat's so sure thatno athesit can PSOosibly reftue. J will firts dwmonsrtate waht we canaSSUme fo rGod exisnce,,then how wwe can refute anya rgument wihch pretends teh contrrary to eb true,tehn wel'l expose scinetific evidnece thatGod eeexists then we'll cnolcude. yOU will fnid an acurate&up6to6date bibliography no teh page 43 of tihs essay;i Sugegst yu to pritn iths doculent for a mroe confortable raeding.

(2) [Atheist doesn't bother to read it.]

(3) Therefore, God exists.

251. ARGUMENT FROM UNTRANSLATED OLD FRENCH

(1) Mais pourceque j'avois déjà connu en moi très clairement que la nature intelligente est distincte de la corporelle; considérant que toute composition témoigne de la dépendance, et que la dépendance est manifestement un défaut, je jugeois de là que ce ne pouvoit être une perfection en Dieu d'être composé de ces deux natures, et que par conséquent il ne l'étoit pas; mais que s'il y avoit quelques corps dans le monde, ou bien quelques intelligences ou autres natures qui ne fussent point toutes parfaites, leur être devoit dépendre de sa puissance, en telle sorte quelles ne pouvoient subsister sans lui un seul moment. — René Descartes,Discours de la Méthode

(2) How could you possibly refute that?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

252. ARGUMENT FROM CLEVER USE OF VOCABULARY

(1) Many atheists will not be convinced by an argument with "Therefore, God exists" as its conclusion.

(2) Consequently, God exists.

253. ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INCREDULITY (IV)

(1) I don't understand evolution; I mean how could there be nothing then something?

(2) (Well-informed atheist gives articulate explanation of evolution and gently explains that the beginning of the universe has nothing to do with evolution.)

(3) Well it seems way too complicated and unlikely to me. Plus I don't want to live my life thinking I evolved from a monkey.

(4) Therefore, God exists and Jesus died for our sins.

(5) (Atheist argues that theist's ignorance of evolution does not logically lead to the conclusion that there is a god, let alone the Christian god.)

(6) Says you! God bless.

(7) Therefore, God exists.

254. ARGUMENT FROM CHURCH

(1) Lots of people go to church.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

255. ARGUMENT FROM PHOTO-OP, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE (II)

(1) A couple of godless commie federal judges ruled the 1954 inclusion of "under God" in the Pledge unconstitutional.

(2) Almost immediately thereafter, the whole U.S. Senate recited the Pledge, including "under God," on the Capitol steps.

(3) The Senators' conduct was not — I repeat, NOT — mere political posturing and/or vote whoring.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

256. ARGUMENT FROM DEFENESTRATION

(1) If God exists, then He will protect me if I jump out this third story window.

(2) However, you will not be so fortunate, unsaved heathen!

(3) *shove*

(4) See! God didn't protect you, just like I predicted! Any counterarguments, heathen?

(5) No? Therefore, God exists.

257. ARGUMENT FROM MUSHROOMS

(1) This pizza tastes funny.

(2) That purple llama on the ceiling is juggling chainsaws.

(3) Purple llamas can't juggle chainsaws.

(4) It must be a miracle!

(5) Therefore, God exists.

258. ARGUMENT FROM FALSE MYTHOLOGY

(1) The old religions were myths and were wrong.

(2) And, they didn't believe in the same god as me.

(3) Therefore, I must be right.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

259. ARGUMENT FROM ACCUSATION

(1) The Bible says that everyone knows God exists.

(2) Therefore, YOU know that God exists.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

260. ARGUMENT FROM NOT-BELIEVING

(1) The New Testament says people like you would question us.

(2) You question us.

(3) Therefore the Bible is true.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

261. RAY COMFORT'S ARGUMENT FROM BANANAS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (VIII)

(1) Bananas have many characteristics that make them attractive as primate food.

(2) They couldn't be used by women for that!

(3) They're so good that they must have been designed, just like Coke cans.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

262. PAT ROBERTSON'S ARGUMENT FROM METEORS a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALITY (I)

(1) God hates gay people.

(2) God is merciful.

(3) Disney World held a Gay Day parade.

(4) God could punish Disney World by sending hurricanes, earthquakes, and possibly a meteor to Florida.

(5) God didn't, thus proving both postulates 1 and 2.

(6) Therefore, God exists.

263. ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS (I)

(1) A bunch of miners got trapped.

(2) A bunch of people worked around the clock for a week to rescue them.

(3) They were all found alive.

(4) It must have been a miracle!

(5) Only God could have done that.

(6) Therefore, God exists.

264. ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS (II), a.k.a. YOU ONLY HEAR FROM THE SURVIVORS (I)

(1) A bunch of miners got trapped.

(2) A bunch of people worked hard to rescue them.

(3) One was found alive.

(4) He thanked God for his survival.

(5) Only God could have done that.

(6) Therefore, God exists.

265. ARGUMENT FROM AIRPLANE CRASH, a.k.a. YOU ONLY HEAR FROM THE SURVIVORS (II)

(1) An airplane I was on crashed, killing most passengers.

(2) I survived!

(3) It was a MIRACLE!

(4) Only God could have done that.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

266. ARGUMENT FROM YOUTH GROUP MINISTER

(1) God is awesome!

(2) Like, totally, dude!

(3) Therefore, God, like, exists and stuff.

267. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INABILITY

(1) The Bible says Jesus turned water into wine.

(2) Can you turn water into wine?

(3) No? Well there ya go.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

268. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL ABILITY

(1) I prayed to God, and then lifted a car off my trapped puppy.

(2) I couldn't have done that without God.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

269. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION

(1) Satan is bad.

(2) You don't want to be on Satan's side, do you?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

270. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION AS USED BY A YOUTH GROUP MINISTER

(1) Satan really sucks, dude.

(2) You don't wanna, like, be like Satan, right dude?

(3) Therefore God, like, exists and stuff. Totally.

271. ARGUMENT FROM BUFFALO, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (IX)

(1) The Indians used every part of the buffalo.

(2) A creature we can use every part of couldn't have just randomly evolved!

(3) It had to be created specifically for us!

(4) Therefore, God exists (and spent his early years churning out buffalo).

272. ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY

(1) Bite me.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

273. ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY ACCEPTED, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (IV)

(1) Bite me.

(2) OW! YOU BIT ME!

(3) I'm being persecuted!!

(4) Therefore, God exists!

274. ARGUMENT FROM NEW AGEYNESS

(1) If enough people just believe, God will exist.

(2) Lots of people have been believing for a very long time.

(3) Therefore, surely by NOW, God exists.

275. ARGUMENT FROM ROUNDNESS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (X)

(1) Isn't it amazing how perfectly round the planets are?

(2) Someone sure must have been in control of that "Big Bang" in order for them to shape up like that!

(3) Just place a stick of dynamite under a huge rock. You'll see that the explosion does not produce perfectly round smaller rocks.

(optional)

(3a) Atheist: The planets are round because of gravity.

(3b) But who made gravity?!?!

(4) Therefore, God exists.

276. ARGUMENT FROM FAITH EQUIVALENCY

(1) You have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow, don't you?

(2) See! Atheists have faith too!

(3) Therefore, belief in science is just another faith.

(4) Just like I have faith in God and Jesus.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

277. ARGUMENT FROM IMPLIED BEAUTY, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (XI)

(1) If you evolved, you'd be pretty ugly.

(2) Look how beautiful you are, and the world that is around you.

(3) Only God could have made you so beautiful.

(4) I don't care that beauty is totally subjective, you are beautiful in God's eyes!

(5) Therefore, God exists.

278. ARGUMENT FROM BRAINWASHING

(1) Atheists claim Christians have been brainwashed by churches.

(2) We can just as easily say that they have been brainwashed by secular colleges and universities in their futile thinking and secular reasoning.

(3) Your brainwashing keeps you from the Truth.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

279. ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNISM

(1) All communists are atheists.

(2) All communists are bad; haven't you watched the 6 o'clock news?

(3) Therefore they are wrong.

(4) Since the moral majority is theist and non-communist they are good.

(5) Therefore they are right.

(6) Therefore, God exists.

280. ARGUMENT FROM GOOD AND BAD BEHAVIOR

(1) Sometimes I do good things and sometimes I do bad things.

(2) When I do something good this PROVES that God, my Guardian Angel etc. are helping me to be good.

(3) Praise the Lord! Oh God help me to be strong and steadfast against temptation 'til I die so that You will not (in Your infinite mercy) send me to Hell.

(4) When I do something bad this PROVES that the Devil has tempted me to do EVIL.

(5) Whatever I do, it proves that either God or the Devil is real.

(6) If the Devil is real, then God is real.

(7) Therefore, God exists.

281. ARGUMENT FROM BEER (III)

(1) Real men like beer.

(2) God allowed real men to make beer.

(3) Therefore, God is real, and likes beer.

282. ARGUMENT FROM TAXATION

(1) Churches don't pay taxes.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

283. ARGUMENT FROM GOD'S PLAN, a.k.a. GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

(1) There is a plan in the world.

(2) The existence of this plan can be seen from the fact that things are the way they are.

(3) My belief is part of the plan, and so is your non-belief.

(4) [Atheist: Why?]

(5) The plan is too infinitely great for our minds to comprehend the "why."

(6) An infinitely great plan must have an infinitely great mind behind it.

(7) Therefore, God exists.

284. ARGUMENT FROM HAULING ASS

(1) [Theist creates message board account and logs in.]

(2) "GOD IS REEL AND ALL YOU HEATHEN ATHEIST INFEDILS WILL BERN IN HELL FORE-EVER MARK MY WERDS!!!!!!!!@#3FD"

(3) [Theist logs off and never returns.]

(4) Therefore, God exists.

285. ARGUMENT FROM BAPTIST BOARD, , a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (V)

(1) God calls us to be a peculiar people.

(2) Stop laughing, foul non-believer.

(3) In order to preserve our own particular peculiarity —

(4) Stop laughing, I said.

(5) We must be a people apart.

(6) This means not listening to anyone who believes differently than we do, because this would taint our peculiarity.

(7) If you do not stop laughing —

(8) (Oh, I have to do the end of the argument?)

(9) Therefore, God exists.

(9a) And God especially exists because non-believers are laughing at us, which means we're persecuted, which means we're special.

(10) Therefore, God exists.

286. ARGUMENTUM AD TINKERTOYUM, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (XII)

(1) Take some tinkertoys and make several "creations".

(2) Take the creations apart and dump the pieces in a plastic bag.

(3) Shake the pieces up and dump them on the floor. Repeat as many times as you wish.

(4) The tinkertoys will never reassemble themselves into the original creations.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

287. ARGUMENT FROM HOSPITAL, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (II)

(1) A dear relative of mine was terminally ill and undergoing extensive surgery in the hospital.

(2) My whole family sat outside the O.R. and prayed through the entire eight hours of surgery.

(3) He lived.

(4) No, the highly trained physicians had nothing to do with it, unbeliever!

(5) Therefore, God exists.

288. ARGUMENT FROM WEIRD

(1) You look weird, atheist.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

289. ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS

(1) I was once abducted by aliens.

(2) What we call aliens are really demons, the Bible says so.

(3) If demons exist, than so does God.

(4) You've seen the X-files, haven't you?

(5) Therefore, God exists.

290. ARGUMENT FROM REVELATION

(1) God told me that he exists.

(2) God wouldn't lie.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

291. ARGUMENT FROM FORCE (I)

(1) [Argument from atheist]

(2) [Theist shoots atheist.]

(3) Therefore, God exists.

292. ARGUMENT FROM NAZIISM (INVERSE-GODWIN)

(1) Hitler didn't establish a Christian theocracy.

(2) Therefore, Hitler was an atheist.

(3) Hitler was the worst leader possible.

(4) Therefore, all atheists are bad people.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

293. ARGUMENT FROM UNCONSCIOUS THEISM

(1) Atheists think the universe created life.

(2) Well, they should if they thought about it really, really hard.

(3) But only a God can create life.

(4) So atheists should believe in God, if they weren't so dumb.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

294. ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNICATION FROM GOD

(1) I had this incredible experience that could only be explained by a communication from God.

(2) Atheist says, "Couldn't there be a natural explanation?"

(3) No, I'm telling you there is no way this could be explained naturally.

(4) Atheist suggests alternate explanations q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y and z.

(5) No, none of those can explain it.

(6) Because they can't!

(7) Atheist is not convinced.

(8) How dare you deny my very special experience!

(9) Atheist tries to explain that she's only questioning the theist's interpretation of that experience, and not the claim that something special was experienced.

(10) You just don't want to believe that what I experienced is from God, because you are a closed-minded, dogmatic materialist!

(11) And also, you are a big meanie and I'm not talking to you anymore!

(12) Therefore, God exists.

295. ARGUMENT FROM COLTRANE

(1) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is dedicated to God.

(2) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is full of passion.

(3) Atheists cannot explain Coltrane's passion in "A Love Supreme."

(4) Therefore, God exists.

296. ARGUMENT FROM GEORGE HARRISON

(1) George Harrison wrote "My Sweet Lord."

(2) It's one of the most beautiful pop songs ever, and one of the only pop songs devoted to God.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

297. ARGUMENT FROM BEING A CATHOLIC

(1) The pope believes in God.

(2) The pope is infallible.

(3) I am Catholic and like the pope.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

298. ARGUMENT FROM GAME THEORY, a.k.a. PASCAL'S WAGER (II)

(1) Theist: (after lengthy explanation) Hence, pursuant to game theory, belief in an afterlife is the most sensible option.

(2) Atheist: Wait a minute. That's just Pascal's Wager dressed in different verbiage.

(3) Theist: Nuh uh!

(4) Therefore, God exists.

299. "TRUE BECAUSE IT IS INCONSISTENT" ARGUMENT

(1) If the Bible were cooked up by some smooth-talking manipulative authors, it would have been perfect and seamless and without any apparent inconsistencies.

(2) But the Bible IS inconsistent, erroneous, and plain goofy at many places.

(3) So the Bible is NOT a product of some smooth-talking manipulative authors.

(4) Hence the Bible is the word of God.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

300. ARGUMENT FROM BUZZWORDS

(1) As game theory clearly shows, the irreducibly complex nature of the universe indicates probabilistic fine-tuning at the quantum level and renders God logically necessary.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

[SECTION 04]

301. ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (I)

(1) Things hurt.

(2) Atheists think that things aren't supposed to hurt.

(3) They really are whiney, aren't they?

(4) Christians are stronger than that.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

302. ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (II)

(1) Some things hurt a lot.

(2) Atheists think that things aren't supposed to hurt.

(3) But since they can't derive "ought" from "is," their belief presupposes the existence of God.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

303. EXISTENTIAL ARGUMENT FROM EVIL / ARGUMENT FROM POWER / ARGUMENT FROM GUNS (I)

(1) I have a gun.

(2) [Atheist: "Ouch!!!"]

(3) Therefore, God exists.

304. ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY

(1) Atheists think that the differences in religions disproves God's existence.

(2) Eh, to-may-to, to-mah-to.

(3) Everyone knows that you must accept Jesus Christ in order to be saved.

(4) Well, everyone who matters, anyway.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

305. ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS LANGUAGE

(1) God exists.

(2) Therefore, when I talk about God or related concepts, these words denote something.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

306. ARGUMENT FROM INDIGENOUS FOLKS

(1) Most indigenous folks all over the world started believing in gods independently.

(2) Belief in God is thus natural.

(3) Atheist: Many indigenous folks started eating each other, also independently.

(4) The Christian god forbids eating our fellow humans.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

307. ARGUMENT FROM STUPID CATS

(1) Look at this cat.

(2) Cats are stupid and cannot believe in God. Only humans can.

(3) Belief in God is something human.

(4) You are human, right?

(5) Therefore, God exits.

308. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (I)

(1) Science is always true.

(2) Science says that there is a vanishingly small chance that all of this could have happened on its own.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

309. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (II)

(1) Science is not always true.

(2) Therefore there is room for religious faith.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

310. LUVLUV'S ARGUMENT FROM THE PAIN PLAN

(1) Things hurt.

(2) Things hurting are part of God's plan.

(3) A lot of the good things in life only come through suffering.

(4) This is necessary to achieve God's plan.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

311. ARGUMENT FROM GUNS (II)

(1) I have a gun.

(2) In fact, we have a lot more guns than you do.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

312. ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHON

(1) Graham Chapman appeared in a film that made fun of Jesus.

(2) Graham Chapman died of a horrible, incurable disease.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

(3a) And has no sense of humor.

313. ARGUMENT FROM WAR

(1) War is hell.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

314. ARGUMENT FROM ELVIS (ADAPTED FROM A CHURCH SIGN)

(1) Some people call Elvis the King.

(2) But we know Jesus is King.

(3) Even non-believers can have a glimpse of wisdom.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

315. LINGUAL ARGUMENT

(1) There's existence in nonexistence so...

(2) God exists even if he doesn't.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

316. DIVINE POWERS ARGUMENT

(1) God’s existence must be the work of God.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

317. ARGUMENT FROM OPPRESSION (RELATED TO THE VARIOUS ARGUMENTS FROM OFFENSIVENESS)

(1) God exists.

(2) [Atheist asks any one of various questions, or even just starts to ask them.]

(3) Are you saying that God doesn't exist?

(4) You're oppressing me! You're depriving me of the right to believe in God if I want to!

(5) Oppression is bad.

(6) Therefore, you are bad.

(7) Therefore, you must be wrong.

(8) Therefore, God exists.

318. ARGUMENT FROM WHEAT

(1) A grain of wheat will always fall to the ground and the outer shell “dies”.

(2) But see, eventually the grain will grow into a fuller, more vital form.

(3) Hey, that's kinda like the Resurrection!

(4) Therefore, God Exists.

319. ARGUMENT FROM WARM AND FUZZY THINGS

(1) When I was an atheist, I didn't have any warm & fuzzy things in my life.

(2) I really like warm & fuzzy things.

(3) If the Christian God exists, lots of warm & fuzzy things are true because all these really smart theists say so.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

(5) Old Testament? Never heard of it.

320. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (II)

(1) Everything was fine until man created science.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

321. GEORGE W. BUSH'S ARGUMENT FROM AMERICA

(1) God bless America.

(2) You're either with us or against us, remember.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

322. KARL MARX'S ARGUMENT FROM MASSIVE OPIATES

(1) Got to keep the public distracted.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

323. KING JOSIAH'S ARGUMENT

(1) Time to expand the kingdom.

(2) Therefore, (my) God exists.

324. ASHCROFT'S ARGUMENT

(1) I say God exists.

(2) I could have you locked up, you know.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

325. ARGUMENT FROM "IT'S MY BALL AND YOU CAN'T PLAY"

(1) There is abundant logical and empirical evidence that God does not exist.

(2) There is no evidence that God does exist.

(3) But God plays by completely different rules.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

326. ARGUMENT FROM DISCOMFORT

(1) I am happy, believing in God.

(2) Then you come along and say all this nasty stuff to take my happiness away.

(3) *sniff*... *sniff*... why are you making me uncomfortable?

(4) Anyone who makes other people uncomfortable must be different. And bad. And ignorant.

(5) Daddy will hug me!

(6) Therefore, God exists.

327. ARGUMENT FROM ARTIFACT

(1) Archeologists found the remains of a boat from Jesus' time.

(2) So the Bible is true.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

328. ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES (I)

(1) Sometimes a bad person hurts little babies because he doesn't have a happy life.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

329. ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES (II)

(1) Sometimes little babies are different from one another; how could you explain that?!

(2) Like, one will be really happy, and another will be sad. Sometimes even twins.

(3) This proves the existence of the soul.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

330. ARGUMENT FROM A VIDEO I WATCHED WITH MY DAD

(1) Me and my dad watched this video where the Virgin Mary appeared on a building in Egypt. No, it was kinda blurry...lots of people saw it though and they were pointing at it.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

331. ARGUMENT FROM WHAT YEAR IT IS

(1) The years of our calendar are dated from the birth of Christ.

(2) Therefore, atheists can't even live without making reference to Christ.

(3) Obviously, atheists really can't live apart from God, even though they say they can.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

332. ARGUMENT FROM GOD-CENTRISM

(1) Everything revolves around God, even the earth and the sun.

(2) Therefore, even atheists are revolving around God!

(3) Silly, aren't they, to deny the truth?

(4) Therefore, God exists.

333. ARGUMENT FROM UNKNOWN QUALITIES

(1) God has qualities we mere humans can't possibly know.

(2) This answers all atheistic arguments.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

334. ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVING MISGUIDEDNESS

(1) Theist: X, Y, and Z all prove God's love for mankind. This love proves he exists.

(2) Atheist: But I can refute X, Y, Z and unsaid arguments A, B, and C...

(3) Theist: Don't worry, you're wrong and your questioning of God will send you to hell; but he loves you and I forgive you your arrogance.

(4) Atheist: But you haven't said anything rational.

(5) Theist: Jesus/God *loves* you. Duh. Therefore, God exists.

(6) Repeat (1) - (5) ad infinitum.

335. ARGUMENT FROM FEELING GOD'S PRESENCE

(1) Atheists just haven't truly felt God's presence yet.

(2) If they had ever felt God's presence, they would not be atheists.

(3) Theists have truly felt God's presence.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

336. ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE

(1) Doesn't it just make more sense that an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good deity created the world out of nothingness, from magic, essentially, and then punished us for eating a piece of fruit, and then incarnated himself in human flesh and came down to shed his own blood so he could break his own rules, and then went through hell on a temporary basis and then went back into the sky and promised to come back and take everyone who believed in him to this heaven no one has ever seen?

(2) Well, doesn't it?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

337. ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE, ADDENDUM

(1) Atheist: No it doesn't.

(2) Theist: See, you're confusing the issue again! Think simple and sensible!

(3) Therefore, God exists.

338. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN (I), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (VI)

(1) Scientific American published an article that shows creationism is nonsense.

(2) The first editor of Scientific American was a Christian.

(3) Therefore, whoever wrote that article is a traitor and a liar.

(4) Besides, Scientific American didn't hire a creationist in the 70s, so they're obviously trying to persecute Christians.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

339. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (VII)

(1) Answers in Genesis copied the full text of an article from Scientific American.

(2) Scientific American sent one email to Answers in Genesis saying that they don't necessarily want their articles distributed for free in the internet by just anyone.

(3) See? Scientific American persecutes Christians!

(4) Therefore, God exists.

340. ARGUMENT FROM PEPPERED MOTHS

(1) Science textbooks still use the "peppered moths" to prove evolution.

(2) Atheist says that he has never seen a textbook which claims anything of the sort, in fact the only place he hears about peppered moths is from creationist websites.

(3) Obviously the atheist has no clue what he's talking about then.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

341. ARGUMENT FROM GOD IS LIKE A RADIO SIGNAL, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM AUDITORY HALLUCINATIONS

(1) There are many radio signals floating around your head all the time.

(2) God is one of them.

(3) You just have to listen to the right signal.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

342. ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM IN INDIA

(1) [Non-believer asks if the theist would still call his religious experiences Christian if he had been raised in another country.]

(2) Would you call your agnostic experiences agnostic if you had been raised in India?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

343. ARGUMENT FROM BESTSELLERDOM

(1) The Bible is the best-selling work in history.

(2) Now, just because it's popular doesn't mean it's the Word of God.

(3) But there's not much evidence to suggest it's not.

(4) [sound of non-believer spitting milk out her nose]

(5) Therefore, God exists.

344. JOSH MCDOWELL'S MODIFIED TRILEMMA ARGUMENT

(1) Jesus was either lord, liar, or lunatic.

(2) Can you PROVE He was a liar or lunatic?

(3) Therefore, Jesus was Lord.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

345. ARGUMENT FROM ANARCHY

(1) There has to be an objective truth to the universe, and humans have to be able to access it.

(2) Otherwise, there would be anarchy everywhere.

(3) No courts or governments or anything.

(4) [Non-believer falls out of her chair from laughing so hard.]

(5) Therefore, God exists.

346. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE RIGHT

(1) God saves the king/queen.

(2) The king/queen hasn't died.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

347. ARGUMENT FROM SQUARE CIRCLES

(1) There is no such thing as a square circle.

(2) God is not a square circle.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

348. ARGUMENT FROM DICTATORSHIP

(1) Dictators do not believe in God.

(2) Dictators are wrong.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

349. MARTIN LUTHER'S ARGUMENT FROM TERROR

(1) The lightning storm filled me with the terror of God's wrath.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

350. ARGUMENT FROM MEANING (II)

(1) Nothing has meaning without God.

(2) I mean...

(3) Therefore, God exists.

351. ARGUMENT FROM MEANING (III)

(1) Without God, life has no ultimate meaning and purpose.

(2) My life has to have meaning and purpose.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

352. ARGUMENT FROM RIGHT AND WRONG (I)

(1) Without God, there is no no ultimate right and wrong.

(2) I want there to be ultimate right and wrong, so I don't have to decide.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

353. ARGUMENT FROM DOSTOEVSKY, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM RIGHT AND WRONG (II) (see Dostoevsky Didn't Say It)

(1) If God does not exist, everything is permitted.

(2) I can't accept that.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

354. ARGUMENT FROM DESTINY

(1) Without God, there is no no ultimate destiny and my destiny is dust.

(2) I can't accept that because I want more.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

355. ARGUMENT FROM SEMANTIC UNCERTAINTY

(1) Atheists can't quite agree on the exact definition of atheism.

(2) Therefore all atheists are wrong.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

356. ARGUMENT FROM TROUBLESOMENESS

(1) God really, really bothers me.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

357. WAYSON'S ARGUMENT

(1) Scientists generally accept the theory of evolution.

(2) I don't.

(3) Therefore, they are lying or fabricating their data.

(4) Therefore, God Exists.

358. ARGUMENT FROM NEGATIVE THEOLOGY, or THAT'S ONE REALLY BIG HOLE YOU'VE GOT THERE IN YOUR GROUND OF BEING

(1) We live in a world of pain and suffering.

(2) It seems that God is completely and utterly absent from our world.

(3) This complete and utter absence constitutes an infinite void.

(4) Only an infinite being could create the infinite void that we experience.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

359. ARGUMENT FROM EXCESSIVE STUPIDITY

(1) Some people are smart enough to be able to live without belief in God.

(2) I am not intelligent enough to live without belief in God.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

360. ARGUMENT FROM ALGEBRA, a.k.a. EULER'S ARGUMENT TO DIDEROT

(1) You don't understand algebra, right?

(2) (a+b^n)/n = x

(3) Therefore, God exists. (Donc Dieu existe.)

361. ARGUMENT FROM RATIONALITY, a.k.a. PRESUPPOSITIONALIST or TRANSCENDENTAL (II)

(1) God is rational so, if God existed, the universe would be rational.

(2) But, if God didn't exist, the universe probably wouldn't be rational.

(3) So, if atheists were right, rationality wouldn't exist and they couldn't prove God's nonexistence with it.

(4) No, I'm not going to explain why God should be rational.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

362. ARGUMENT FROM NAZI DECEPTION

(1) Hitler and his Nazis were atheists.

(2) Yes, they fooled a lot of people into thinking they were Christians. That was propaganda. They were atheists.

(3) This proves that atheists are the masters of deception.

(4) Revelation says that the antichrist will deceive people.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

363. ARGUMENT FROM NAZI EVIL

(1) Hitler and his Nazis were atheists.

(2) I don't care what the historical evidence says about their being Christians. Christians cannot be evil, and only atheists would be capable of the Holocaust.

(3) So Nazis, like all truly evil people, are atheists.

(4) Therefore, all atheists are truly evil. They must be servants of Satan.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

364. ARGUMENT FROM DARWINIAN DIVINITY

(1) Atheists are evolutionists who worship Darwin.

(2) See, everyone needs to worship a god, even atheists.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

365. ARGUMENT FROM BAD NEIGHBORS

(1) My neighbor is always snooping through my garbage.

(2) I prayed for something bad to happen to my neighbor.

(3) Then my neighbor stuck his hand into a bear trap in my garbage.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

366. ARGUMENT FROM ANAL FRUSTRATION

(1) God my ASS!!

(2) My ass exists.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

367. ARGUMENT FROM YOU ARE ALWAYS LOVED

(1) You are always loved.

(2) God invented love.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

368. ARGUMENT FROM GOD WILL PROVIDE

(1) I don't know what I'm going to do with my life.

(2) But something always happens to sustain me. My parents support me, I find a job, etc. God provides!

(3) No, it's NOT the actions of the humans themselves! How could you think that?"

(4) Therefore, God exists.

369. ARGUMENT FROM NOT CONTRADICTING SUPERNATURALISM

(1) Science can give evidence for the existence of God.

(2) At the points where it doesn't, scientists should just shut up.

(3) Therefore, no evidence against God will ever be developed.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

370. ARGUMENT FROM DON'T BE IMPRISONED BY YOUR OWN LOGIC

(1) You could see the beauty of God if you would just open your eyes.

(2) God won't show himself to a person who has his eyes closed, you know.

(3) Logic can keep you from God, but only if you let it.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

371. ARGUMENT FROM LEFT TURN OUT OF McDONALD'S

(1) A lady in an SUV with cell phone to her head pulls out of McD's with no concept of oncoming traffic.

(2) A frustrated motorist yells "Jesus Christ!"

(3) Therefore, God exists.

372. ARGUMENT FROM EAR SHAPE

(1) A drunken twentyish guy pontificates about ear shape and evolutionary processes.

(2) A nearby woman rebuts his assertion and proclaims intelligent design.

(3) She's cute, so he's not going to argue with her.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

373. ARGUMENT FROM M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN

(1) Mel Gibson plays a reverend whose wife is horribly killed, and he loses his faith.

(2) The Earth is suddenly attacked, his family is terrorized, he loses two pets, and many people across the globe presumably die.

(3) An alien grabs and terrorizes his son, injecting him with a poison. But with the help of said son's asthma, and the last words of his dead wife, he gets lucky and the kid doesn't quite die.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

4a) And don't you dare stop believing in him — otherwise, he might try to restore your faith by scaring the hell out of you.

374. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENCY

(1) You have to have faith!

(2) [Atheist: How do you define faith?]

(3) You know . Faith!

(4) [Atheist: No, I don't know. Please enlighten me.]

(5) You do so have faith! You're just trying to confuse me!

(6) Therefore, God exists.

375. ARGUMENT FROM YOU'RE TOO NICE

(1) You're too nice to be an atheist.

(2) Therefore you can't be an atheist. You must believe in God.

(3) [Atheist: Actually, no . .]

(4) I'm not listening! LA LA LA LA LA!

(5) Therefore, God exists. To infinity.

376. DAN QUAYLE'S ARGUMENT

(1) Gode Exists.

377. BILL CLINTON'S ARGUMENT

(1) The existence of God depends on your definition of the word "of."

(2) Therefore, God exists.

378. JOHNNY COCHRAN'S ARGUMENT

(1) If God exist, you must acquist!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

379. GEORGE W. BUSH'S ARGUMENT

(1) That god won't hunt.

(2) Y'all.

(3) Ergo, um, axle of evil, ahh, claridify, umm, supportification, ah, pretzel.

(3) Y'all.

(4) What he said.

(5) Therefore, God existifies.

(2) Launch.

380. GODEL'S ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETENESS

(1) Any proof of God's existence will always be incomplete.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

381. MINIMALISTIC ARGUMENT

(1) God

382. PLUMBER'S ARGUMENT

(1) Therefore, God exists.

(2) That'll be five hundred dollars.

383. THE SOUP NAZI'S ARGUMENT

(1) If God exists, he will stand in line like everybody else.

(2) That's it! No soup for you!

(3) Therefore, God exists.

384. GOD'S MOTHER'S ARGUMENT

(1) You never call.

(2) Mr. Bigshot, too important to call his own mother.

(3) I might as well not exist. *sniff*

(4) And if I don't exist . .

(5) [God quickly calls his mother]

(6) Therefore, God exists.

6a) Now let me materialize a nice hot cup of chicken soup . .

385. ARGUMENT FROM CLASSIFIED ADS

(1) Suprmdl sks lv-in bdygrd. 1 bdrm apt.

(2) Thr4 Gd xsts.

386. ARGUMENT FROM DAUGHTER

(1) Can I have twenty bucks?

(2) I HATE you!

(3) Can you take me to the mall?

(4) There IS a God!

387. ARGUMENT FROM SON

(1) God made me do it.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

388. ARGUMENT FROM SPOUSE

(1) If you are still on that damned computer, God help you!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

389. ARGUMENT FROM LONG SILENCE

(1) God exists.

(2) [Atheist explains why he doesn't.]

(3) [long silence]

(4) [Atheist forgets about the argument and goes home.]

(5) Therefore, God exists.

390. ARGUMENT FROM FOOD CHAIN

(1) Humans are right at the top of the food chain.

(2) God made it this way.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

391. ARGUMENT FROM UNDERSTANDING

(1) You're not meant to understand.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

392. ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS

(1) Everyone knows that aliens don't exist.

(2) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

(3) Oh, but God's different!

(4) Therefore, God exists.

393. ARGUMENT FROM SURVIVAL OF THE STUPID

(1) Norman and Jason have been posting for a couple of years now.

(2) And yet, there's no possible way that anyone THAT fucking stupid could survive more than an hour without supernatural assistance.

(3) It's a miracle!

(4) Therefore, God exists.

394. ARGUMENT FROM DESTRUCTIVE CAPABILITY

(1) The U.S. has the firepower to slaughter as many third world people as it wants.

(2) The U.S. uses that firepower regularly.

(3) Of course, America's firepower and willingness to use it are God's will.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

395. ARGUMENT FROM HUME (BRITT, NOT DAVID)

(1) If Osama bin Laden is still alive, then Dubya's war on terrorism has thus far failed.

(2) I can't wrap my mind around the idea that the war has been a failure, even in part.

(3) Therefore, we must interpret the fact that we haven't seen any new bin Laden tapes for a while as conclusive proof that bin Laden is dead.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

396. ARGUMENT FROM JESUS LOVES ME

(1) Jesus loves me because the Bible says so.

(2) If radiometric dating is valid, then Jesus might not love me after all because the Bible might not be literal truth.

(3) That's unacceptable.

(4) Therefore, radiometric dating is bogus, the Bible is literally true, Jesus loves me, and God exists.

397. ARGUMENT FROM THE LOTTERY

(1) Thousands of people in New York were murdered by terrorists on 9/11/01

(2) The winning New York lottery numbers on 9/11/02 were 911.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

398. ARGUMENT FROM AMBROSIA

(1) Mountain Dew is the nectar of the Gods.

(2) But God does not condone polytheism. And God knows best.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

399. ARGUMENT FROM HEISENBERG UNCERTAINTY

(1) The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle (HUP) states that the location or the movement of a particle can be known, but not simultaneously.

(2) But God knows everything.

(3) Therefore, the HUP is false.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

400. ARGUMENT FROM PULP FICTION

(1) God came down from heaven, and stopped those motha-fuckin' bullets.

(2) Therefore, God exists.