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The Approach Adopted by Ahl al-Bayt

The school of thought preached by Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) regards the latter concept as the basis of Divine Justice whereby God rewards good doers for their good deeds and punishes the evil doers for their evil. Compulsion is akin to oppression and is a negation of justice, while empowerment is a postponement of effecting justice, disabling it from getting the upper-hand and the power it rightfully deserves. Both contradict the concept of the absolute perfection of the Divine.

A man visited Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) and asked him, "O son of the Messenger of God (S)! It has been reported to us that the truthful (As-Sadiq) Ja’far ibn Muhammad (a.s.) said, `There is neither compulsion nor empowerment but a way to choose one of two.' What does he exactly mean?" He answered, "Whoever claims that God does our deeds and then penalizes us for doing them has in fact accepted the concept of compulsion, and whoever claims that God Almighty empowers His Proofs to distribute His sustenance has in fact adopts the belief of empowerment.

One who believes in compulsion is akafir (disbeliever), and one who believes in empowerment is amushrik (polytheist)." So I asked him, 'O son of the Messenger of God! Then what is this way to choose one of two means?' He answered, `It is finding a way to do what they are enjoined to do and forsake what they are enjoined to forsake.' I asked him, `Does God Almighty have a Way and a Will in this regard?' He said, `As regarding deeds done in obedience to His commandments, His Will in their regard is His approval of and assistance in their performance. As regarding His Will about sins, it is His order that they should be shunned, that He condemns them, and that He forsakes those who commit them.'"

Empowerment

Yasir the servant said, "I asked ar-Ridha’ (a.s.), `What do you say about empowerment?' He said, `God Almighty entrusted His Creed to His Prophets to convey to people, saying, `Whatever the Messenger permitted for you, take it with approval, and whatever he ordered you not to do, do not do it.' As regarding creation and sustenance; no, He did not empower anyone in their regard.' Then he said, `God Almighty says: `God is the Creator of all things,'1 and He also says, `It is God Who has created you: further, He has provided for your sustenance; then He will cause you to die; and again He will give you life. Are there any of your (false) partners who can do any single one of these things? Glory to Him! And High is He above the partners they attribute (to Him)!'"2

Imam Warns

In another narrative, the Imam discloses for us the conduct which a believer has to undertake with those who believe in empowerment in order to create a psychological barrier between them and others which would paralyze their action and deprive them of the element whereby they influence others by the misleading and false creed they preach.

Abu Hashim al-Ja’fari says: "I asked Abul-Hasan (a.s.) about theghulat and about those who believed in empowerment, and he said, `Theghulat arekafirs (disbelievers), while those who believe in empowerment aremushriks

(polytheists). Those who sit with them, mix with them, eat or drink with them, visit them, marry their daughters to them or marry their daughters, accept their trusts or entrust them to keep theirs, believe in them, support them even by a fraction of a word, have abandoned the nearness to God, to the Messenger of God, and to us Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.).'"

In another narrative, when someone mentioned compulsion and empowerment, the Imam (a.s.) said to the attendants, "Shall I provide you with an original view in which you shall not dispute with each other, and through which you will win the argument over those who argued with you in its regard?' We requested him to do so, whereupon he said, `God Almighty was not obeyed by compulsion, nor was He disobeyed by being over-powered. He did not neglect His servants living in His domain; He is the King above their kings, the Powerful One above those who have power among them.

When His servants opt to obey Him, He would not stop them nor forbid them, and if they opt to disobey Him, He may interfere and foil their attempt, or He may not and they will do just that; therefore, He is not the One who caused them to disobey Him.' Then he said, `Anyone who masters this will have the winning argument over his opponent.'"

Imams Did Not Endorse Making Similitudes With God

Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.), in a dialogue with al-Husayn ibn Khalid, denied what some people attributed to his forefathers when they claimed that they made similitudes to God and believed in compulsion, describing those people asghulat who underestimated the Greatness of God Almighty, and that their fabrication about his forefathers and their attributing to them what they did not say was similar to the fabrication of others about the Messenger of God (S) by their narration of allegations endorsing making such similitudes and also endorsing compulsion.

Regarding the subject oftawhid and its relevant topics, Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) has a long discussion which requires an independent and sufficient research, and suffices us this brief presentation of what was reported about him in this regard. Those who wish to pursue their research of this subject are referred to'Uyoon Akhbar ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) by Shaikh al-Saduq in which he compiled what was narrated about the Imam in this regard.

Transmigration of Souls

Al-Tanasukh kufr , that is, "To believe in the transmigration of the souls is to disbelieve in God," says the Imam in an answer to the question "What is your view regarding the transmigration of the souls?" put to him by someone. He answered saying, "Anyone who believes intanasukh iskafir (disbeliever) in God the Great, a disbeliever in Heavens and in Hell." The reason for this is that the belief in the transmigration of the souls means that the human soul, after its departure from the body at the time of death, goes to the body of an animal to live in it. In other words, it is like a bird that as soon as it is set free from its cage will seek another cage. This implies a negation of the Judgment which is one of the basic principles of the Islamic creed, hence it is a negation of Paradise and Hell.

Those who believe in the transmigration of the souls interpret Paradise and Hell by saying that if the soul that was set free from the body settles inside a good animal, then it is Paradise, and if it settles inside a bad animal, then it is Hell, which is nothing but a hallucination which the Holy Qur'an clearly refutes, for both Paradise and Hell are realities rather than symbols as these persons would like to think.

Imamate

Imamate is one of the basic beliefs (usool ) which was the starting point for all the deep differences since the early period of Islam and immediately after the demise of the Prophet (S). The Muslimummah , therefore, split into contradictory and contrasting sects due to the deepening of the gaps either due to the actions of the ruling authorities, or to personal ambitions aspired by some of those who coveted to be Imams.

There are two major schools of thought in Islam which are regarded as the stems from which those sects branch. They are the Sunni school of thought, which preaches that Imamate after the Prophet (S) was the right of Abu Bakr then to the three caliphs who succeeded him, and the Imami Shi'a school of thought which preaches that Imamate after the Prophet (S) was the right of Ali ibn Abu Talib (a.s.) and to his eleven descendants after him. Each of these schools has its own arguments regarding proving its authenticity and the lack thereof of the other.

The Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) derive their arguments from clear and obvious statement in their regard said by the Prophet (S) and also due to their merits and qualifications which raised them above both common and elite individuals. Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) explained to us the actual program to identify an Imam which agrees with the human nature in considering the distinctive merits and the sufficient qualifications present in a person to qualify for such a very important status.

Imam's Qualifications

In defining the qualifications of the Imam, Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) tells us that he has to be the most knowledgeable among people, the most wise, the most pious, the most courageous, the most generous, and the best in worshipping God. These qualifications have to be present in the imam since he is the one charged with safeguarding the Islamic Message after the Prophet (S) and the one who clarifies its precise details and hidden meanings to people.

Selection of the Imam is Done by God

The Imam (a.s.) assured the person who inquired about these qualifications that the nation cannot be left to choose its imam without statements in this regard made by the Prophet (S) who in turn conveys God's commandments related to this issue, for nobody other than God knows the secrets of the individuals and what they hide inside their hearts.

The Imam (a.s.) said: "Do they really realize the significance of Imamate so that they permit themselves to make a choice in its regard? Imamate is greater in prestige, more significant, higher in status, more difficult to attain, harder to achieve, than can people conceive in their minds or define

according to their views, or select an Imam as they please, for Imamate became the sole prerogative of Prophet Ibrahim (a.s.), the Friend of God, second in significance only to Prophethood, whereby He honored him, saying, `He (God) said, `I will make thee an Imam to the nations.' He pleaded: `And also (Imams) from my offspring?!' He answered: `But My Promise is not within the reach of evil-doers.'3

This verse, therefore, has nullified the imamate of any oppressor till the Day of Resurrection and became the prerogative solely of those elite persons. God, thus, honored Ibrahim (Abraham) by allotting Imamate to those of his progeny who are the elite and who are the Purified, saying, `And We bestowed upon him Isaac and, as an additional boon, (a grandson), Jacob, and We made righteous men of everyone (of them). And We made them Imams guiding (men) by Our Command.'4

Imamate, then remained among the descendants of Ibrahim (a.s.), son inherited it from father, one century after another, till the Prophet (S) inherited it. It was then when the Almighty God said to him, `Without doubt, among men, the nearest of kin to Abraham are those who follow him as are also this Prophet and those who believe, and God is the Protector of those who have faith.'5 Thus, Imamate became the right of the Prophet (S) who, according to the commands of the Almighty God, and in the manner He deemed, vested it upon Ali (a.s.) and it settled among the elite of his descendants whom God gifted with the gift of knowledge and true belief."

The Imam (a.s.) continues to say: "Imamate is the status of the Prophets, the legacy of the wasis (successors of Prophets); Imamate is the caliphate of God Almighty and of His Messenger (S)."

"The caliphate of God Almighty" has to be the prerogative of the best of people after the Prophet (S) simply because he, the successor of the Prophet (S), is God's caliph on earth after the demise of the Prophet (S). His selection, therefore, has to be done by God for how can anyone judge anyone else to be eligible for it if he does not know that person's true inner self? We simply do not understand at all the wisdom of leaving the selection of the Imam to the nation without a final judgment in this regard coming from the Almighty...

An Imam's Attributes

Having defined the attributes an Imam has to have which represent his day-to-day conduct needed by people, Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) says: "An Imam is a scholar who is not ignorant, someone who looks after others untiringly, the substance of sanctity and purity, asceticism and renunciation of the world, of knowledge and adoration. His knowledge grows, his clemency is perfect; he is aware of the responsibilities of Imamate, knowledgeable regarding politics, commanding obedience, executing the Commandments of God, advising the servants of God, protecting the creed of God. Prophets and Imams are assisted by God Who bestows upon them from the treasures of His knowledge and sovereignty in a way He does not endow anyone else, making their knowledge superior to that of anyone contemporary to them, for He, the Exalted and the Sublime, has said, regarding Talut (Samuel), `God has chosen him above you and has gifted him abundantly with knowledge and bodily prowess; God grants His

authority to whomsoever He pleases. God cares for all, and He knows all things.'6

Regarding the Imams from the Household, progeny and elite descendants of His Prophet (S), the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.), the Dear and Sublime One has said, `Or do they envy mankind for what God has given them of His bounty? But We had already given the people of Abraham the Book and Wisdom and conferred upon them a great kingdom,'7 and when God selects one of His servants to deal with the servants of God, He broadens his heart for such responsibility, depositing in it springs of wisdom, inspiring knowledge to him."

Indications of Imamate

As regarding how an Imam can be identified, and what the indications are, this is explained by Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) in his answer to the question someone put to him which was: "By what indication can Imamate be regarded authentic for one who claims it to himself?" He said: "By text and evidence." The man asked: "What is the characteristic of an Imam?" He answered: "Knowledge, and God's answer to his plea." The man asked, "By what can you yourselves prove your Imamate?"

He answered: "By a Promise made to us by the Messenger of God (S)." The man asked: "What is the evidence that you can tell what is on the mind of people?" He answered: "Have you not come to know that the Messenger (S) said, `Beware of the discretion of a mumin for he looks through the light of God'?" The man answered in the affirmative, so the Imam (a.s.) continued saying, "Every believer has a share of discretion, looking through the light of God according to the amount of his belief and the extent of his foresight and knowledge. God has combined in us what He has distributed to all the believers combined and said in His Book, `Behold! In this are signs for those who by tokens do understand.'8

The first of these mutawassimeen is the Messenger of God (S), then the Commander of the Faithful (a.s.) after him, then al-Hasan then al-Husayn, then the Imams from among the descendants of al-Husayn till the Day of Judgment."

By all of these statements does Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) define for us the qualifications of an Imam and the group that chooses him in statements which agree with the human nature and the balances of reason which are the final judge on such issues.

Notes

1. Al Zumar:62

2. Al Rum:40

3. Al Baqara:124

4. Al Anbiyaa:72-73

5. Aaali 'Imran:68

6. Al Baqara:247

7. Al Nisaa:54

8. Al Hijr:75

Exegesis

Exegesis (Tafsir) According to the Ahl al-Bayt

When we examine the method employed by Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) and the other Imams from the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) in interpreting the text of the Holy Qur'an, we find out that it depends on the general overall meaning in interpreting one particular verse, distancing itself from interpretations which do not suit its own general or particular meaning.

This does not mean that the Holy Qur'an can be interpreted by anyone according to what he understands of its apparent meaning; rather, its interpretation is not limited to the verbatim understanding of the text. Instead, some matters have to also be taken into consideration which may be hidden in a way which requires seeking assistance from those whom God endowed with the faculty of knowledge and understanding, namely the Prophet (S) and his Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) who are the actual testimony to the verse which says: "Nobody knows its interpretation except God and those deeply grounded in knowledge."

An Exegesis Phenomenon Regarding Ahl al-Bayt

One who studiestafsir according to the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) will clearly notice the phenomenon that they may interpret some verses on their own, while others may be a reference to obeying and loving them. Some people try to use this phenomenon to make notorious remarks, to deliberately distort, and openly condemn the Imams of the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.), trying to attribute to them their attempt to make the Holy Qur'an a book regarding their own sect and nobody else's.

There is nothing further from the truth. The interpretation provided by the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) of certain verses to be a direct or indirect reference to them is due to one's perfect practical implementation oftafsir , and the fact that they themselves are living witnesses to the truth in such verses, or that should such verses make a reference to them, they are all proofs of the truth contained in the Holy Qur'an and it does not take the verse out of its intended general meaning. For example, when Imam As-Sadiq (a.s.) interprets theummah (nation) in the text of the Holy Qur'an to mean thea'immah (Imams), he gives it the meaning that they are the most distinguished practical manifestation of its Qur'anic meaning.

To use the word "interpretation" in such context may imply a metaphoric meaning of the word, for what is intended by it is to provide the best possible practical meaning which agrees with the spirit of the text, which is something neither reason nor citation object to it.

Exegesis of Imam ar-Ridha’

Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) did not author a book on exegesis, but he explained the meanings of the verses about which he was questioned by others who wanted to know his views in their regard, and we will indicate here some such explanations in order to acquaint you with the magnificent method and innovative style of the Imam (a.s.) in this regard.

It is reported that al-Ma’mun asked him once to explain some Qur'anic verses out of his curiosity about the knowledge God bestowed upon the

Imam regarding their meanings. Among such verses was: "He it is Who created the heavens and the earth in six days, and His throne was over the waters, that He might try you which of you is best in conduct."1 He said, "The Praised and Exalted God created the Throne, the water, and the angels before the creation of heavens and earth, and the angels used to know God through their own creation, through the Throne and the water.

Then He made His Throne over the water in order to manifest His might to the angels so that they might know that He is capable of doing whatever He pleased. Then He raised the Throne through His might, moved it and made it above the seven heavens. Then He created the heavens and the earth in six days while He was omni-Potent on His Throne.

He was capable of creating them in a twinkle of the eye, but the Exalted One created them in six days in order to show the angels what He was creating one after the other so that they would know time and again that God was the Originator of each and every thing. God did not create the Throne because He was in need for it since He is independent of the Throne and of everything He created; He cannot be described by anything in the cosmos simply because He has no physical body; Exalted He is above the characteristics of what He created a great deal of Exaltation.

"As regarding His saying, `...that He might try you which one of you is best in conduct,' He has created them in order to test them through the responsibility of obeying and worshipping Him, not out of His desire to test or try them, since He already knows all things."

This glorious explanation of the Imam (a.s.) for the creation of the heavens and the earth in six days is considered, we think, among the best explanations because gradual creation and perfection deepens the feeling of awe regarding the greatness of the Creator and Originator more than had it been at once.

Al-Ma’mun also asked him about the meaning of the verse: "Had it been thy Lord's Will, they would all have believed, all who are on earth! Will you then compel mankind, against their will, to believe?! No soul can believe except by the Will of God."2 Quoting his forefathers, ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) said: "Muslims said to the Messenger of God (S), `We wish you forced those whom you have conquered, O Messenger of God, to accept Islam, so that our number would increase, and we would become stronger in the face of our enemies.'

The Messenger of God (S) said: `I am not going to meet God, the Almighty and the Exalted, having invented an innovation which He did not command me to do, nor am I the type of person who forces others to do anything at all.' It was then that this verse was revealed: `Had it been thy Lord's Will, they would all have believed, all who are on earth,' by means of forcing them, or when they find no other choice while in this world just as those who believed only after seeing God's might and retribution in the life after death. `If I do such a thing to them, they would not deserve any reward, but I wish they accept it out of their own choice rather than being forced to do so in order that they will deserve to be close to me and blessed through me, and they would remain in Paradise forever.'

"As regarding the meaning of `No soul can believe except by the Will of God,' it does not mean that it is prohibited from believing (without a prior consent of God); it simply means that God invites it to believe without forcing it to do so."

The Imam (a.s.) said the following in his explanation of the verse which says: "[God is He] Who has made the earth your couch, and the heavens your canopy":3

"He made the earth suitable to the creation of your nature, agreeable to your bodies; He did not make it too hot to burn you, nor too cold to freeze you, nor too windy to cause you dizziness, nor too stinky to damage your heads, nor as liquid as water to cause you to drown, nor too solid to enable you to build houses and graves for your dead; rather, the Exalted and Sublime made it strong enough to be useful for you, for your bodies, and for your buildings, making it usable in your homes and graves and a great deal of other advantages as well; thus, He made the earth a couch for you.

"As for the heavens, He made them like a protective ceiling above your heads in which He let the sun and its moon and the stars orbit for your own good. He `... sent down water from the heavens, and brought forth therewith fruits for your sustenance,' meaning thereby water which He caused to descend from a high altitude in order to reach the summits of your mountains and hills, valleys and plains, which He caused to descend as showers and as moisture which soil inhales, and He did not cause it to pour down at once to ruin your lands, trees and other vegetation and fruits. `And brought forth therewith fruits for your sustenance'4 means whatever grows on earth for your sustenance, so `Do not set up rivals unto God when ye know (the truth),'5 that is, `rivals' such as similitudes and such things like idols which have no comprehension, hearing, sight, or are able to do anything at all, while you know that they cannot create any of these great blessings with which He, your Lord, the Exalted, the Most High, has blessed you."

This simple explanation provided by the Imam (a.s.) gives the meaning of the verse clarity and ease which can be comprehended by anyone, even one whose share of intelligence is most modest, enabling him to appreciate the magnificence, beauty, and perfection of the creation. He may even explain the important points in a verse which may cause the wisdom of their making as we find him doing with the last verse in order to point out the depth of miraculous aspect of the verses of the Holy Qur'an.

The Holy Qur'an and the Infallibility of the Prophets

In the subject of the infallibility of Prophets, the Imam (a.s.) was asked to explain the meanings of some verses whose superficial meanings suggested that Prophets were not infallible at all, that they were liable to commit sins. In our discussion of queries above, we dealt with this subject when we discussed the dialogue between the Imam (a.s.) and Ali ibn al-Jahm, while here we would like to mention more of the same regarding questions al-Ma’mun put forth to the Imam (a.s.) inquiring about such verses:

Adam

At one of the meetings arranged by al-Ma’mun, the latter asked the Imam (a.s.): "O Son of the Messenger of God (S)! Don't you claim that Prophets are infallible?" The Imam (a.s.) answered in the affirmative. Al-Ma’mun then asked, "Then what is the meaning of the verse, `Thus did Adam disobey his Lord and allow himself to be seduced'?" The Imam answered this question by explaining that God had forbidden Adam and Eve from coming close to a particular tree without forbidding them from eating its fruit or the fruit of similar trees.

They obeyed God by not coming near that tree, but Iblis (Eblis) confused them in this regard and suggested that they should eat not from that tree but from other similar trees, swearing to them by God that he was only providing them with an advice. So they believed in his oath and they ate the fruit of a similar tree, and that was before Adam was considered as a Prophet and before his descent to earth, and what he did was not a sin for which the penalty is Hellfire, but it was a minor disobedience which could be forgiven and could be committed by Prophets beforewahi (revelation) reaches them.

When God chose him and made him a Prophet, he became infallible and was not permitted to commit a sin, minor or major, telling him, "Thus did Adam disobey his Lord and allow himself to be seduced. But his Lord chose him (for His Grace); He turned to him, and gave him guidance.

Ibrahim, the Friend of God

Then he asked him about Ibrahim (Abraham) al-Khalil (a.s.), the Friend of God, and about the stage of doubt through which he passed as appears superficially in the Holy Qur'an when he is mentioned, till truth became manifest to him and he believed therein. The Almighty says: "When the night covered him over, he saw a star. He said: `This is my Lord.' But when it set, he said, `I do not love those that set.' When he saw the moon rising in splendor, he said, `This is my Lord.'

But the moon set, so he said, `Unless my Lord guides me, I shall surely be among those who go astray.' When he saw the sun rising in splendor, he said, `This is my Lord; this is the greatest (of all).' But when the sun set, he said, `O my people! I am indeed free from your (guilt) of giving partners to God. For me, I have set my face firmly and truly towards Him Who created the heavens and the earth, and never shall I give partners to God.'"6 About this, the Imam comments thus:

"Ibrahim (a.s.) did not pass by a stage of doubt in God; rather, his story may be summarized thus: He lived in a society where three types of worship dominated: the worship of Venus, the worship of the moon, and the worship of the sun. The outward pretense of Ibrahim (a.s.) to follow these religions before declaring his belief in God was only to deny the validity of each one of them and to prove to others the fact that they were invalid, not due to his temporary belief in them. He simply wanted to prove to their followers, through the method of argument which he employed in a spirit filled with belief in Him, that their type of creed and their norm of worship of Venus, the moon, and the sun, were not appropriate due to the variation which occurred to them and which is one of the attributes of the creature, not the Creator."

Then the Imam (a.s.) adds saying, "What Ibrahim al-Khalil (a.s.) did was actually according to the inspiration he had received from God by the token of the verse that says, `That was the reasoning about Us which We gave to Abraham (to use) against his people.'"7 What he did, therefore, was merely a method to win the argument against his people regarding the invalidity of their norms of worship and in their belief in gods other than God, which is a unique method among Qur'anic methods to invite others to believe.

Messengers and Despair

Al-Ma’mun then asked him about the meaning of the verse which says, "... till the apostles give up hope (of their people) and (their people come to) think that they proved them to be liars, Our help will then come to them."8 What may be a cause for questioning in this verse is to attribute despair to God's Messengers after being promised help from God. Despair and despondency are forms ofkufr (disbelief), for the Almighty has said, "Never give up hope of God's soothing mercy; truly none despairs of God's soothing mercy except those who have no faith."9 So, how can despair find its way to the heart of a messenger of God or a prophet, knowing that, according to this verse, onlykafirs can do so, and what is a greater sin than committingkufr ?!

What is superficially obvious from the text of this verse is that the time when they despaired was after receiving the Message and inspiration. To this, the Imam (a.s.) answers by saying that the subject of despair in this verse is not God's help promised to His messengers, but rather losing hope of their people ever believing in them and accepting their message; i.e. to believe in Him and renounce their previous disbelief and disobedience by their worship of gods other than God. The meaning of this verse, then, will be something like this: When the messengers lost hope that their people would ever believe in them, and when those people thought that they succeeded in proving those messengers as liars, it is then that Our help came to them.

Thus is the outward ambiguity of the verse removed, and thus does the Imam (a.s.), through providing such glorious meanings to the sacred verses of the Holy Qur'an whose outward meaning is actually the opposite of that of their context, dispel the cloud of doubt which may come to one's mind regarding the infallibility of Prophets. They are not mere justifications or one's own personal opinions but actual facts the upholding to whose contrary is not possible.

God's "Hand" is His Might

There are other verses the superficial meaning of which gives the impression that God has limbs just as humans do which He uses to achieve His purpose, such as His statement addressing Iblis when the latter refused to prostrate to Adam as commanded by God: "What prohibited you from prostrating to what I have created in My own hands?" and also like the verse saying, "When a leg will be uncovered and they are invited to prostrate..."

The Imam (a.s.) explains the meaning of God's hand to be His might. The meaning of the previous verse would be, "What prohibited you from prostrating to what I have created by My might and potency?" God does not

have eyes, legs, hands, or any such things as we may imagine which would put limits to God like those to man, and the revealed texts containing a reference to such things are given meanings which agree with conceiving God to be Exalted above having physical dimensions a great deal of Exaltation.

The "leg" is interpreted by the Imam as a barrier of light which, when removed, will cause the believers to fall prostrating, while the legs of the hypocrites become too stiffened to prostrate.

Thus does Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) portray for us an accurate portrait which is honest in interpreting the meanings embedded in the Glorious Book if we wish to honestly and wisely interpret its verses.

One more thing remains to be indicated here. There are some narratives which contain some interpretations of Qur'anic verses attributed to Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) the authenticity of which is questioned simply because some of those who reported them are not free of the practice of distortion or fabrication. What we feel comfortable about is that the fact that if such narrations do not contain anything which disagrees with the beliefs of followers of the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) regarding the interpretation of Qur'anic verses, they testify to their authentic reporting. Add to this the fact that we think it is quite unlikely that some narrators would deliberately tell lies about the Imam (a.s.) in cases where telling lies does not benefit the narrator a bit, particularly in the interpretations of the verses we have quoted above.

This is why we find scholars of exegesis rely on such narratives and their likes in explaining the Holy Qur'an, and if they contradict one another, they accept the one which seems to have the most sound meaning, or to the ones which agree with the basic principles of the school of thought.

In the case where the interpretation of certain verses becomes the basis of a legislative rule, or in the process of deriving one, then the authenticity of narration or interpretation has to be verified first as one provided by the Prophet (S) or by members of his Ahl al-Bayt, peace be upon them, and attempts should be made to make sure that the integrity of their narrators is not questioned.

Notes

1. Hud:7

2. Younus:99-100

3. Al Baqara:22

4. Al Baqara:22

5. Ibid

6. Al An'aam:76-79

7. Al An'aam:83

8. Yousuf:110

9. Yousuf:87

Shari'a (Islamic Legislative System)

We do not attempt here to present the legislative heritage left us by Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) or trace theahadith which were reported about him in this regard, for this is the job of authors of books ofhadith andfiqh . What we would like to deal with here, rather, is to evaluate the knowledge which reached us from him and from other Imams of the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) in the area of legislation, and the safe route they took in providing us with a basis for deriving such legislative rules from their accurate source.

As we stated in the Introduction, what caused us to follow the creed of the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) and use theirhadith as a source for legislation is due to the clear and unequivocal statements of the Prophet (S) regarding the necessity of upholding their way and following their guidance such as the tradition of the two weighty things (hadith al-thaqalayn ) and of the ark of Noah (a.s.), and otherahadith which cannot be doubted in their authenticity, structure, or objective. This is why anyhadith reported by Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) or by any other Imam is regarded as though it had been said by the Prophet (S) not because these Imams have the authority to initiate legislation, or be independent in enjoying the responsibility of inventing a legislative rule, but by considering it an extension of the pristine legislation brought forth by the Prophet (S) from his Lord, due to what they learned of the secrets of legislation and its fruits left for them as a legacy by the Prophet (S), after being made by the Almighty as custodians of the Message after the Prophet (S).

Their Hadith is Muhkam and Mutashabih

Thehadith narrated about them is, as is the case with the Holy Qur'an, bothmuhkam andmutashabih . Themuhkam , as its name suggests, does not accept but one single meaning, while themutashabih is on the contrary permitting many facets of interpretation, and its actual meaning is not known exactly. This is the meaning we accept for these two terms.

Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) is quoted in a narration as having said, "Among our narratives aremutashabih like the Qur'an's, and alsomuhkam like the Qur'an's; so, seek help from themuhkam to understand themutashabih , and do not follow themutashabih without themuhkam else you should stray."

Justifying the Mutashabih in the Qur'an

The Commander of the Faithful (a.s.) justifies the existence of Qur'anic verses which can be interpreted in more than one way by saying: "The Almighty has done so in order to foil the attempt of wrong-doers from among those who would take control over the legacy of the knowledge of the Book left by the Messenger of God (S), which he did not intend them to acquire, rendering them unable to explain the various possible meanings thereof." It is as if God willed that the Prophet (S) and those who would bear the Message after him would have a special distinction which is the understanding of what others are not able to understand so that people would resort to them when they are unable to understand certain verses of the Holy Qur'an which they need to understand for the betterment of their life and the comprehension of their creed.

Justifying the Mutashabih in the Hadith

As regarding the existence of themutashabih in thehadith reported about the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.), as the Imam pointed out in his tradition cited above, this can be justified in the following manner:

These Imams (a.s.) used to suffer a great deal of persecution at the hands of their contemporary rulers who incessantly pursued them and their followers, forcing upon them a very strict surveillance, counting their breath. In many cases, in the face of such an intolerable treatment at the hands of those rulers, the Imams had to resort to the taqiyya in many of their deeds and sayings. They might have been asked, for example, about their judgment of a particular incident, or about something related to the creed and school of thought, and they would answer in a way which permitted more than one way of understanding the answer due to their own apprehension of the ruler's watchdogs and informers.

The meaning may be derived at the time the question is put forth when a related matter is at hand. It will be built according to one of the possibilities inspired by the text which would provide the inquirer with the desired satisfaction of the answer while, at the same time, such possibilities are hidden from others who will be confused about them and about the actual meaning the Imam (a.s.) meant thereby. It is then that it must be compared with otherahadith said on similar occasions, or with the context of bases which agree with it and which were set by them, peace be upon them. The meaning of themutashabih may be similar to the general and the particular, the unrestricted and the absolute, while the general and the absolute would then be similar to themutashabih , the special and the restricted would be similar to themuhkam .

Genuineness of the Creed of Ahl al-Bayt

We cannot find in any other sect the genuineness which characterizes the creed of the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) in the area of legislation, for it relies on a deep understanding of the Holy Qur'an and the pristine Prophetic Sunnah which derives from its original leading fountainhead a source of its legislation and such rules.

For example, according to a narrative, a man asked Imam ar-Ridha’ (a.s.) about another man who said at the time of his death, "Any old slave I have is now emancipated for the sake of pleasing God." The Imam said, "Yes, there is a way to determine who is `old' according to the Almighty and Praised God Who says in His Book, `... till it became like an old date cluster;' therefore, anyone among his slaves who has been with him for at least six months must now be freed."

The date cluster becomes old and dry during the period of six months. In this example, the Imam (a.s.) did not contend himself by just providing a legislative rule; he also derives its rule from the text of the Holy Qur'an.

Independence of the Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) From Qiyas and Others

The Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) did not sense the need to seek avenues which were distant from the legislative realities in the conclusions they reached such as qiyas (comparison), istihsan (preference), etc., which were regarded by

others as indicative of the legislative rule when they lack a concrete text, due to the fact that, because of the knowledge and the secrets of the Message which they inherited from their grandfather the Messenger of God (S) as well as their own level ofiman (firm belief), they were self sufficient, independent, and due to what God had endowed them with of the faculty of knowledge in order they might be His Proofs over people.

The Ahl al-Bayt (a.s.) strongly condemned the use of qiyas and other such methods invented by others as means whereby they would justify their derivations when they lacked concrete evidence. Because of this, many strong confrontations happened between them and these people, and we may discuss this subject in detail in our forthcoming book about Imam As-Sadiq (a.s.) because the most violent of such confrontations took place during his time when promoters of various sects were free to express their views.

When I found Islam I knew it was the ‘last stop’

In the Name of Allah,The Beneficent, The Merciful

Often when people ask me ‘How did you come to Islam?’, I take a deep breath and try and tell them the ‘short version’. I don’t think that Islam is something that I came to suddenly, even though it felt like it at the time, but it was something that I was gradually guided towards through different experiences. Through writing this piece I hope that somebody may read it, identify with some things and may be prompted to learn more about the real Islam.

I was born in 1978 in Australia, was christened and raised ‘Christian’. As a child I used to look forward to attending church and going to Sunday school. Even though I can still remember looking forward to it, I can’t remember much about it. Maybe it was getting all dressed up in my bestclothes, maybe seeing the other children, maybe the stories, or maybe it was just that I could look forward to my grandmothers’ famous Sunday lunch when I got home. My family wasn’t strict about religion at all - the bible was never read outside church from what I knew, grace was never said before eating. To put it simply I guess religion just wasn’t a major issue in our lives. I can remember attending church with my family sometimes, and as I got older I can remember getting annoyed when the other members of my family chose not to come. So for the last couple of years I attended church alone.

At the time that I attended primary school ‘Religious Education’ was a lesson that was given weekly. We learned of ‘true Christian values’ and received copies of the bible. While I wouldn’t admit it at the time, I also looked forward to those classes. It was something interesting to learnabout, something that I believed had some sort of importance, just that I didn’t know what.

In my high school years I attended an allgirls high school. We didn’t have any sort of religious classes there, and I guess to some degree I missed that because I starting reading the bible in my own time. At the time I was reading it for ‘interest sake’. I believed that God existed, but not in the form that was often described in church. As for the trinity, I hoped that maybe that was something I would come to understand as I grew older. There were many things that confused me, hence there seemed to be ‘religious’ times in my life where I would read the bible and do my best to follow it, then I would get confused and think that it was all too much for me to understand. I remember talking to a Christian girl in my math classes. I guess that gave me one reason to look forward to math. I would ask her about things that I didn’t understand, and whilst some explanations I could understand, others didn’t seem to be logical enough for me to trust in Christianity 100%.

I can’t say that I have ever been comfortable living with a lot of aspects of the Australian culture. I didn’t understand for example drinking alcohol or having multiple boyfriends. I always felt that there was a lot of pressure and sometimes cried at the thought of ‘growing up’ because of what ‘growing up’ meant in this culture. My family travelled overseas fairly often and I always thought that through travelling I might be able to find a country where I could lead a comfortable life and not feel pressured like I did. After spending 3 weeks in Japan on a student exchange I decided that I wanted to go again for a long-term exchange. In my final year of high school I was accepted to attend a high school in Japan for the following year.

Before I left Australia to spend the year overseas I was going through one of my ‘religious stages’. I often tried to hide these stages from my parents. For some reason I thought that they would laugh at me reading the bible. The night before I flew to Japan my suitcase was packed however I stayed up until my parents had gone to sleep so I could get the bible and pack it too. I didn’t want my parents to know I was taking it.

My year in Japan didn’t end up the most enjoyable experience in my life by any means. I encountered problem after problem. At the time it was difficult. I was 17 years old when I went there and I learned a lot of valuable lessons in that year. One of which was ‘things aren’t always what they seem’. At one stage I felt as though I had lost everything - my Japanese school friends (friends had always been very important to me, even in Australia), my Japanese families, then I received a phone call saying that I was to be sent home to Australia a couple of months early. I had ‘lost everything’ - including the dream that I had held so close for so many years. The night that I received that phone call I got out my bible. I thought that maybe I could find some comfort in it, and I knew that no matter what, God knew the truth about everything that everybody does and that no amount of gossip and lies could change that. I had always believed that hard times were never given to us to ‘stop us’, but to help us grow. With that in mind, I was determined to stay in Japan for the whole year and somehow try and stop the ridiculous rumours. Alhamdulillah I was able to do that.

From that year I came to understand that not only is every culture different, but also they both have good points and bad points. I came to understand that it wasn’t a culture that I was searching for... but something else.

I attended an all girls Buddhist school in Japan. We had a gathering each week where we prayed, sang songs and listened to the principal give us lengthy talks. At first I wasn’t comfortable attending these gatherings. I was given a copy of the songbook along with the beads that you put over your hands when you pray. I tried to get out of going to them at the start, but then decided that I didn’t have to place the same meaning to things as others did. When I prayed, I prayed to the same God that I had always prayed to - the One and Only God. I can’t say that I really understand Buddhism. Whenever I tried to find out more I met with dead ends. I even asked a Japanese man who taught English. He had often been to America and he said that in Japan he was Buddhist, and in American he was Christian. There were some things about Buddhism that I found interesting, but it wasn’t something that I could consider a religion.

In a lot of ways I picked what I liked out of religions and spiritual philosophies and formed what I considered to be my ‘Own Religion’. I collected philosophical quote after quote in high school, read into things such as the Celestine Prophecy and Angels when I returned to Australia, and still held onto the Christian beliefs that made sense to me. I felt like I was continually searching for the truth.

When I returned to Australia from Japan I had grown closer to a girl that I went to high school with. She was always somebody who I considered to be a good friend, but wasn’t in ‘my group of friends’ whom I sat with in class or for lunch. Some of the people in that group I haven’t heard from and haven’t seen since I returned. I realised that this other girl and I had a lot more in common than I had first thought. Maybe this was because I had changed a lot in Japan, or maybe it was because I had learned that being ‘socially acceptable’ and popular wasn’t important because the people that are making those judgements are not always morally correct. I didn’t really care whowas my friend and who wasn’t anymore, but I did care that I was true to myself and refused to change to suit other people. I felt like I had found who I really was by losing everything that I had previously considered important.

The girl that I had grown closer to was Muslim, not that I thought of it at the time. One night we sat in McDonalds, taking advantage of their ‘free refill coffee’ offer and talked about religion, mainly in what way we believed in God. She was the one asking the questions mostly, about how I thought God to ‘be’. I enjoyed the discussion and felt somehow that I might be making some sense to her with my ‘Own Religion’. When we got home she got out the 40 Hadith Qudsi and read them for herself. She read some of them to me, which of course got me interested. I asked to borrow the book from her so I could sit and read them all too, which I did. Reading the book in some ways was frightening. To me, examples of Islam could be found in TV news reports and in books such as ‘Princess’ and ‘Not without my daughter’. Surely, I thought, the Hadith were just a good part of it, but the bad part was there too.

From there I moved back to my university for the start of semester and couldn’t really get books from my friend anymore so I started looking on the Internet. I had already ‘met’ some Muslims on the IRC but I considered them my friends too and that they wouldn’t tell me the ‘truth’ about Islam. I thought that they would only tell me the good parts. I did ask them some questions though and Masha’Allah they were a great help. I still remember asking a Muslim guy whether he believed in angels. Angels were a part of my ‘Own Religion’ and I certainly didn’t believe that a Muslim guy would admit to believing in the existence of Angels!! My limited and ignorant understanding of a Muslim male was one who beat his wife, killed female babies and was a terrorist in his spare time. This sort of person couldn’t possibly believe in angels I thought. Of course I was shocked when he said ‘Of course I believe in angels’. From then I was interested to know what else Muslims believed in.

I often think that I initially continued reading about Islam through the Internet to prove it wrong. I was always looking for that ‘bad part’. Everybody couldn’t have such a bad view of Islam if there was no reason for them to. I had always found a bad or an illogical part to every religion that I had read into. So why would Islam be different? I remember finding an Islamic chat site for the first time and expected to see suppressed females just reading what the males were saying. I expected them not to have an opinion, I expected the ‘typical Muslim girl’ that I had always felt sorry for. To my shock I saw girls happily chatting, with opinions that they were allowed to express.Muslim girls that were somehow more liberated than I felt.

My learning about Islam through the Internet continued through chatting to lots of people and printing out homepage after homepage. The more I learned the more scared I was. I didn’t tell any of my friends that I was reading about Islam, not even my best friend. At first it was because I didn’t want them telling me only the ‘good parts’, and then even when I came to realise that I wasn’t going to find any of the bad parts, I didn’t want them to get their hopes up about me reverting to Islam. I wanted this ‘decision’ to be one that I made on my own - without pressure.

This ‘decision’ that I refer to wasn’t really a decision at all. I am often asked ‘What made you decide to become Muslim?’ but when something as clear and logical as Islam is put in front of you, there is no choice. This is not to say that it made the decision to say Shahadah any easier. There were many things that stopped me at first. Firstly I didn’t think that I knew enough about Islam… but then it didn’t matter because I knew that I would never find anything that was illogical or ‘bad’. I came to realise that saying Shahadah is not the final step, but the first. Insha-Allah throughout my life I will continue to learn. The other thing that made me hesitant was turning the meaning of the word ‘Islam’ from all the bad things that I had linked with it. I always thought that I couldn’t possibly be Muslim!! To then learn that my ‘Own Religion’ and beliefs for example of God beingOne , was actually Islam was hard at first. Islam brought everything together. Everything made sense. To me, finding Islam was like one big bus ride - I had stopped and had a look at all of the stops along the way, taken a bit from all of them, and continued on with the journey. When I found Islam I knew it was the ‘last stop’ of my long ride.

In October of 1997, my best friend came with me for me to say my Shahadah at an Islamic Centre in Melbourne (Jeffcott st). I was still scared at the time, but after one of the sisters going through the articles of faith, and me putting a mental tick next to each of them, I knew that there was nothing left to do but to say it with my mouth. I still cry when I think of the moment that I said ‘Yes.. I’ll do it’. I finally dropped the mental wall that had been stopping me. I was to repeat in Arabic after the sister. With her first word I cried. It is a feeling that I can’t explain. My friend was sitting beside but a little behind me, I didn’t realise it then but she was already crying. I felt so much power around me and in the words, but I myself felt so weak.

Sometimes I think myfamily wonder if this is a phase I am going through, just like my other phases. I was even vegetarian until mum told me what was for dinner that night - a roast. There is still so much for me to learn, but one thing that I would like people to understand is that I know Alhamdulillah that Islam is a blessing for mankind. The more you learn, Insha-Allah, the more beauty you will see in Islam.

Your sister in Islam

Holy Quran 45:20These are clear proofs for men, and a guidance and a mercy for a people who are sure.

Saabirah AbdulHayy

Each single life is a unique, beautiful, gift from the One Who Creates. Insha’Llah, I shall never stop loving to sing the praises of my Creator (swt) and the Road that I’ve travelled and continue to travel until breath leaves this body. I was born Muslim, AlHumduli’Llah although I never knew that as I was raised Catholic Christian. There have been many trials with only one answer even when I didn’t know the question.

There has been One Constant in my life and it is the Source of All...Allah (swt). Sometimes, that never-ending, “God, where are you?” caused difficulties, especially when I was growing up. Mother used to say (and still does) “Go to church once a week, say your prayers and then cut it out with all of your “God Stuff!” For me, that would have been like cutting off a limb. I have been a bit ill since 12 years old in that I’ve had epilepsy, which was difficult to control. I was married at age 22, had a child, and because of seizures, I was heavily medicated and seem to have lost 11 years of my life/memories. I recall my daughter at the age of 5 and then...she was 16. I became ill with pneumonia and in one day my lungs collapsed, liver failed and I slipped into a comatose state. The doctors resuscitated me and used life support for sustenance. My family was told that I would most likely live for not more than 3 days. AlHumduli’Llah, I didn’t know that I was “supposed to die” and one day I woke up!

My life took a turn. I worked as an office manager for a few years. When I was laid off, I went on retreat to seek Guidance and again asked God, “Where areYou ?” The official reason for the retreat was a passage from the Bible: “Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. When I left for that retreat, I made a “bargain with God.” I asked for His Guidance and in turn promised that after 10 days of prayer, I would return home to find God’s Will for me “in the mailbox!” Well, Allah (swt) came through and I found one letter about a pilgrimage to Israel. In Israel, I discovered Arabs and Muslims. “The Road Less Travelled” opened up to me and I was happy to walk it. After that first 10-day pilgrimage I returned to Israel by myself for what I believed would be 28 days for a time of prayer, searching, and coming to a better understanding of God and me. When the airplane landed I walked through Ben Gurion airport pushing my luggage in a trolley, wondering what would happen to me... alone in the Middle East! A very beautiful world opened up to me as I looked out at the desert, palm trees and people speaking strange languages...Hebrew and Arabic, neither of which I understood at all.

The trip from Ben Gurion Airport to Jerusalem was my very first experience of being totally on my own. The brilliant blue skies and gentle breezes spelled out “home” to me. After one day in Jerusalem I was off to Mt. Tabor for 11 days. My 40th birthday was on the exact same day as the 50th anniversary of the ordination of one of the Franciscan friars and the banquet and fireworks that were planned for that day were for us both! Looking out over the desert and across to Mt. Hermon was my morning activity. The sheep and goats with their bells meandered up the side of Mt. Tabor. Birds tweeted and sang their morning songs as the sun rose. It was summer and everything was in bloom. Flower petals marked the pages of my prayer books and journals instead of bookmarks. I cannot properly explain what it was and what was going on in me, but again, I felt as though “something” was calling.

After Mt. Tabor and the Church of the Transfiguration, I went down to Mt. Carmel. Ahh...the Mediterranean filling the horizon with such a blue/green! I lived in the Monastery of St. Terese with the Carmelite Sisters and Friars. I was a secular Discalced Carmelite at the time. It was our obligation to pray five times every day the “Liturgy of the Hours,” which is mainly the Psalms and a ritual standing and bowing... much like making Salaat. So, we rose with the sun. I wondered at the marvels and questions that were filling every piece of me. I was there for the feasts of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and 3 days later, the feast of St. Elijah. The cave of Elijah is in the side of the mount overlooking the ocean. Jews and Muslims came for a week camping out in the huge yard in front of the monastery. Every year there is a great celebration for the Feast of Elijah the Prophet who fought the people of Baal, right there on Mt. Carmel. The Temple of Baal is still there almost next door to the Carmelite Monastery. The time on Mt. Carmel was like a dream and when my two weeks there was up I didn’t know what to do. I called to the US and they said, “You sound as though you want to stay, whydon’t you change your ticket?” Well, they didn’t have to say it twice!

Going to Jerusalem was scary. I didn’t know the city and I’d yet to find my way around the small alleyways of the Old City (Al-Quds). There was a favourite spot at the coffee shop at the Notre Dame Center. I’d sit there and look out over the Old City’s minarets and steeples. The Dome of the Rock filled my gaze...so beautiful! After the 4 days that were reserved for me in the hotel I had to “hit the streets” in search of a new place to lay my head. The winding alleyways of al-Quds were like a labyrinth. I knew of one little house that was run by the Arab Rosary Sisters and went there pulling all of my belongings. The little Arab Sister said, “Sorry, we don’t have any room but you can leave your luggage while you go to look around the city.” So, I was off on the very old stone streets with the wall of al-Quds always on one side of me. As darkness began to fall and there was nowhere to sleep I recalled the words of the Psalm, “Though an army surround me, I shall not fear for Thou art with me.” I had lost my luggage and couldn’t find my way back to the morning’s house! Trudging down the dusty street I saw a familiar door built into the walls. It was strange in that it was open with night approaching. An Arab nun looked out as I was about to pass by and said, “Aren’t you Sabina? Someone told me that you were here in the morning. Come in, we have a place for you!” What a shock! Thus began the next months of communal meals with other travellers (who turned into “Jerusalem friends” over the next 7 years), hand washing clothes and singing as we hung them on the roof to dry, bargaining in the souq, and travelling the city in an attempt to soak in it’s glory.

My roommate Lena was Swedish. She worked at the Gaza Community Mental Health Program on weekends and was studying Arabic. That was where I learned of the plight of the Palestinians and first decided to plunge myself into the Arabic language. When my Visa ran out it was a teary “goodbye” and long flight back to the US. After a little while, I found myself back in al-Quds...my home. Money was tight so it was time to live life poorly in my beloved al-Quds. I learned every face, every smile, every shop’s owner and the merchants in the souq. I was known as “the woman with the beautiful dress” for the lovely Bedouin jalabiyya that I wore. Also, I was known as “the hard woman” because I’d learned to “bargain with the best of them!” I lived in a hostel (50 cents a night) and met Ismael who would become my teacher for writing Arabic. I didn’t know it at the time but the words that Ismael was teaching me to write were things like “ism” or “Malik” “al-ard.” He said, “Sabina, the best way to learn the Arabic language is with the Qur’an.”

I didn’t know what the Qur’an was! I had very little exposure to Islam. Ismael always said, “Sabina your Faith is beautiful and you love God. Don’t let anyone hurt that... only God isOne .” “Do not forget Sabina... God isOne .”

Things changed a bit. I was living inside the Walls of the Old City. My little room looked like a cave made from stone with a vaulted roof. Winters were freezing cold and wet. Spring cloaked the country in colors, summer was sweltering hot, and the fall was a less colorful version of spring. One year, a Carmelite priest that I knew took me to the Monastery of the Discalced Carmelite nuns on the Mount of Olives just there at the Grotto of the Pater Noster. I was already a member of a Catholic Discalced Carmelite community but thought to enter the monastery in Palestine/Israel. Life in the monastery was beautiful.

The olive grove just out the window of my cell was huge with olive trees, grape vines, pomegranate bushes, fig trees, plum trees and a vegetable garden. Life was lived around the bells. We prayed every day, 5 times a day, and in the summer we prayed at the same times that the Adhan was calling Muslims to prayer. That was a very prayerful, solitary and thoughtful life. It afforded me much peace and lots of time for quiet thought. While in the monastery I wondered about God. I was overshadowed by a different and powerful Transcendence...I thought, “Where is God?” Now I know that He (swt) never left me for even a split second, Masha’Llah. Life in the monastery was typical of any other nun but I sensed there that my life needed to be out on the streets in the world. When I left the monastery it was a sad day but also the first day of the rest of my life. I went down to Jerusalem on Yom Kippur.After a short visit back to the US, I returned to al-Quds again...”for the rest of my life.”

The last stage of life in al-Quds I worked at the Syrian Catholic Patriarchate in East Jerusalem’s Muslim neighbourhood. The Syrian/Arab Christians are very suspicious of Muslims and I was told to make sure that all doors and windows were securely locked by nightfall because “they (Muslim neighbours) will sneak in and cut our throats while we sleep!” At that time I was working very hard doing manual work. I was the “foolish American” since I was not in the least afraid of Muslims; they were my friends. I was the one who cared for the Muslim women and children that came to our guesthouse. I also cleaned lots of bathrooms in the house, washed floors, and scrubbed the endless stairs on my hands and knees at least once a weekIn all there were 16 flights of stairs. I must have hung goodness knows how many sheets on the rooftop every morning. I liked going up on the roof just after waking to pray. Every morning at about 4:30 I went up to the roof and looked out over the Old City. My beloved Jerusalem! The Dome of the Rock is a sight that will live in my heart forever! I had been learning to write Arabic and copied everything that I saw.

One day I saw something on the wall of a coffee shop and it captivated me. I copied it. It was so beautiful that my fingers learned to write it without stopping at all. Every morning I used the tip of my finger to “write” the words in the blue sky. Soon, I asked Muslim friends what it was that I was writing and they told me, “That is a Surah, Surat al-Falaq.” A dear friend, Kamil, suggested that I go down into the souq and get a copy of the Qur’an, so I did.

The first thing that I looked for was Al-Falaq, and I read, “In the Name of God, the Merciful,the Compassionate. All of Creation seeks refuge in the Lord of the Daybreak”...just as I had been writing with my finger in the sky! “From the evil which He has created”...and I thought of the soldiers that patrolled Jerusalem. “And from the evil of the darkness when it descends”...was this my Muslim friends who would “sneak in and slit our throats”?!the riots in the streets and the sounds of the dark. “And from the evil of those who practice witchcraft, and from the evil of the envier when he envies”...the envious...what did I have to envy? Little did I know of the Gifts that Allah (swt) was showering on littleme.

The days were beautiful after the work was done but because of the harsh chemicals that I had to use my feet and hands were callused and raw. The dry skin finally cracked leaving my hands bleeding when used very much. If I stood still in one place for too long my feet would become numb so that when beginning to walk it was agony. Sandals were permanently bloodstained from walking and irritating the cracks. I noticed that shop owners and produce vendors were avoiding me. I looked like a leper and a darned skinny one at that. The only thing that helped forget the pain was to look at the children and walk the narrow streets of the souq...up to the top of the Mt. of Olives...out to Ein Karim to sit up on the cliff overlooking the wadi...Nazareth and the Galilee! Tiberius and a boat trip across the Sea of Galilee to the Mount of Beatitudes!The Dead Sea where I went to swim. Gorgeous! Well...life was tough and life was beautiful. After going to Mass every evening I walked home to the patriarchate down the same dusty roads.

One evening as I walked in excruciating pain I talked to God. “My God, areYou there? DoYou really exist? I don’t know if I’m a Jew, Christian or Muslim or Atheist! My God...ifYou are there, I’m throwing everything that I’ve ever knew of You right here in this gutter. You have to teach me because I sense something but don’t know what it is!” With that I looked up at the sun setting over the golden Dome of the Rock...ah, Ya Allah! As I walked home I cried. It felt as though I had just attempted spiritual suicide and was falling off of the top of a cliff into a black abyss. I could feel myself “dropping” and knew that I would either land in the pits of Hell or...or...God could save me! My thoughts were that God is One...He transcends whatever anyone I’d heard had said. “Please God, Ya Allah take me!” was all that I could think.

After that I became ill. The Syrian Catholics were “not nice.” One day I was told to leave by afternoon...no more work. By evening I was back on the street pulling some luggage with me, some stored at a little house in the courtyard, and nowhere to sleep. Eventually I found a room in a hostel in East Jerusalem. After a few weeks my body froze up due to the lupus condition. The American Embassy made emergency arrangements to fly me back to the US to find some doctors. It was probably the saddest thing that could have happened. Just before I left I went back to the Notre Dame and had my usual cappuccino on the terrace with its beautiful view of the City. Sitting there I knew that it was a brief period that I would remember for the rest of my life. I looked out over the City at the Dome of the Rock with the Mt. of Olives rising behind it and prayed, “My God…Please do not let me die until I once again see al-Quds. My God, let Jerusalem live always in my heart.” I have never taken a photograph of al-Quds yet I can see it still.

When I returned to the US, after a while of being sick and unable to move, I got better, went to work and continued bumping up against the thoughts and feelings of Jerusalem. God was there in my life...and God was One, Al Quyyoom, the Transcendent. I missed hearing the Adhans echoing in the streets of Jerusalem...”Allahu Akbar…Allahu Akbar.” I missed the little children running to me calling, “Sabria, Sabria!” I missed my Muslim friends and I wondered, “Where is Allah?”

One morning just before work I was compelled to stand in my kitchen and asked Allah to be my witness as I said, “AshHadu ana La Illaha Illa Allahwa AshaHadu ana Muhammad Nabi waRasuulu.” I read al-Fatiha and al-Falaq and walked out my door in tears, overjoyed at the thought “I am Muslim! Allahu Akbar! My name had changed from Sabina or Sabria to Saabirah... the Patient one.Subhan Allah.

Salaamu Alaikum waRahmatulluh waBarakatuhu.

Holy Quran 48:28 He it isWho sent His Apostle with the guidance and the true religion that He may make it prevail over all the religions; and Allah (swt) is enough for a witness.

When I found Islam I knew it was the ‘last stop’

In the Name of Allah,The Beneficent, The Merciful

Often when people ask me ‘How did you come to Islam?’, I take a deep breath and try and tell them the ‘short version’. I don’t think that Islam is something that I came to suddenly, even though it felt like it at the time, but it was something that I was gradually guided towards through different experiences. Through writing this piece I hope that somebody may read it, identify with some things and may be prompted to learn more about the real Islam.

I was born in 1978 in Australia, was christened and raised ‘Christian’. As a child I used to look forward to attending church and going to Sunday school. Even though I can still remember looking forward to it, I can’t remember much about it. Maybe it was getting all dressed up in my bestclothes, maybe seeing the other children, maybe the stories, or maybe it was just that I could look forward to my grandmothers’ famous Sunday lunch when I got home. My family wasn’t strict about religion at all - the bible was never read outside church from what I knew, grace was never said before eating. To put it simply I guess religion just wasn’t a major issue in our lives. I can remember attending church with my family sometimes, and as I got older I can remember getting annoyed when the other members of my family chose not to come. So for the last couple of years I attended church alone.

At the time that I attended primary school ‘Religious Education’ was a lesson that was given weekly. We learned of ‘true Christian values’ and received copies of the bible. While I wouldn’t admit it at the time, I also looked forward to those classes. It was something interesting to learnabout, something that I believed had some sort of importance, just that I didn’t know what.

In my high school years I attended an allgirls high school. We didn’t have any sort of religious classes there, and I guess to some degree I missed that because I starting reading the bible in my own time. At the time I was reading it for ‘interest sake’. I believed that God existed, but not in the form that was often described in church. As for the trinity, I hoped that maybe that was something I would come to understand as I grew older. There were many things that confused me, hence there seemed to be ‘religious’ times in my life where I would read the bible and do my best to follow it, then I would get confused and think that it was all too much for me to understand. I remember talking to a Christian girl in my math classes. I guess that gave me one reason to look forward to math. I would ask her about things that I didn’t understand, and whilst some explanations I could understand, others didn’t seem to be logical enough for me to trust in Christianity 100%.

I can’t say that I have ever been comfortable living with a lot of aspects of the Australian culture. I didn’t understand for example drinking alcohol or having multiple boyfriends. I always felt that there was a lot of pressure and sometimes cried at the thought of ‘growing up’ because of what ‘growing up’ meant in this culture. My family travelled overseas fairly often and I always thought that through travelling I might be able to find a country where I could lead a comfortable life and not feel pressured like I did. After spending 3 weeks in Japan on a student exchange I decided that I wanted to go again for a long-term exchange. In my final year of high school I was accepted to attend a high school in Japan for the following year.

Before I left Australia to spend the year overseas I was going through one of my ‘religious stages’. I often tried to hide these stages from my parents. For some reason I thought that they would laugh at me reading the bible. The night before I flew to Japan my suitcase was packed however I stayed up until my parents had gone to sleep so I could get the bible and pack it too. I didn’t want my parents to know I was taking it.

My year in Japan didn’t end up the most enjoyable experience in my life by any means. I encountered problem after problem. At the time it was difficult. I was 17 years old when I went there and I learned a lot of valuable lessons in that year. One of which was ‘things aren’t always what they seem’. At one stage I felt as though I had lost everything - my Japanese school friends (friends had always been very important to me, even in Australia), my Japanese families, then I received a phone call saying that I was to be sent home to Australia a couple of months early. I had ‘lost everything’ - including the dream that I had held so close for so many years. The night that I received that phone call I got out my bible. I thought that maybe I could find some comfort in it, and I knew that no matter what, God knew the truth about everything that everybody does and that no amount of gossip and lies could change that. I had always believed that hard times were never given to us to ‘stop us’, but to help us grow. With that in mind, I was determined to stay in Japan for the whole year and somehow try and stop the ridiculous rumours. Alhamdulillah I was able to do that.

From that year I came to understand that not only is every culture different, but also they both have good points and bad points. I came to understand that it wasn’t a culture that I was searching for... but something else.

I attended an all girls Buddhist school in Japan. We had a gathering each week where we prayed, sang songs and listened to the principal give us lengthy talks. At first I wasn’t comfortable attending these gatherings. I was given a copy of the songbook along with the beads that you put over your hands when you pray. I tried to get out of going to them at the start, but then decided that I didn’t have to place the same meaning to things as others did. When I prayed, I prayed to the same God that I had always prayed to - the One and Only God. I can’t say that I really understand Buddhism. Whenever I tried to find out more I met with dead ends. I even asked a Japanese man who taught English. He had often been to America and he said that in Japan he was Buddhist, and in American he was Christian. There were some things about Buddhism that I found interesting, but it wasn’t something that I could consider a religion.

In a lot of ways I picked what I liked out of religions and spiritual philosophies and formed what I considered to be my ‘Own Religion’. I collected philosophical quote after quote in high school, read into things such as the Celestine Prophecy and Angels when I returned to Australia, and still held onto the Christian beliefs that made sense to me. I felt like I was continually searching for the truth.

When I returned to Australia from Japan I had grown closer to a girl that I went to high school with. She was always somebody who I considered to be a good friend, but wasn’t in ‘my group of friends’ whom I sat with in class or for lunch. Some of the people in that group I haven’t heard from and haven’t seen since I returned. I realised that this other girl and I had a lot more in common than I had first thought. Maybe this was because I had changed a lot in Japan, or maybe it was because I had learned that being ‘socially acceptable’ and popular wasn’t important because the people that are making those judgements are not always morally correct. I didn’t really care whowas my friend and who wasn’t anymore, but I did care that I was true to myself and refused to change to suit other people. I felt like I had found who I really was by losing everything that I had previously considered important.

The girl that I had grown closer to was Muslim, not that I thought of it at the time. One night we sat in McDonalds, taking advantage of their ‘free refill coffee’ offer and talked about religion, mainly in what way we believed in God. She was the one asking the questions mostly, about how I thought God to ‘be’. I enjoyed the discussion and felt somehow that I might be making some sense to her with my ‘Own Religion’. When we got home she got out the 40 Hadith Qudsi and read them for herself. She read some of them to me, which of course got me interested. I asked to borrow the book from her so I could sit and read them all too, which I did. Reading the book in some ways was frightening. To me, examples of Islam could be found in TV news reports and in books such as ‘Princess’ and ‘Not without my daughter’. Surely, I thought, the Hadith were just a good part of it, but the bad part was there too.

From there I moved back to my university for the start of semester and couldn’t really get books from my friend anymore so I started looking on the Internet. I had already ‘met’ some Muslims on the IRC but I considered them my friends too and that they wouldn’t tell me the ‘truth’ about Islam. I thought that they would only tell me the good parts. I did ask them some questions though and Masha’Allah they were a great help. I still remember asking a Muslim guy whether he believed in angels. Angels were a part of my ‘Own Religion’ and I certainly didn’t believe that a Muslim guy would admit to believing in the existence of Angels!! My limited and ignorant understanding of a Muslim male was one who beat his wife, killed female babies and was a terrorist in his spare time. This sort of person couldn’t possibly believe in angels I thought. Of course I was shocked when he said ‘Of course I believe in angels’. From then I was interested to know what else Muslims believed in.

I often think that I initially continued reading about Islam through the Internet to prove it wrong. I was always looking for that ‘bad part’. Everybody couldn’t have such a bad view of Islam if there was no reason for them to. I had always found a bad or an illogical part to every religion that I had read into. So why would Islam be different? I remember finding an Islamic chat site for the first time and expected to see suppressed females just reading what the males were saying. I expected them not to have an opinion, I expected the ‘typical Muslim girl’ that I had always felt sorry for. To my shock I saw girls happily chatting, with opinions that they were allowed to express.Muslim girls that were somehow more liberated than I felt.

My learning about Islam through the Internet continued through chatting to lots of people and printing out homepage after homepage. The more I learned the more scared I was. I didn’t tell any of my friends that I was reading about Islam, not even my best friend. At first it was because I didn’t want them telling me only the ‘good parts’, and then even when I came to realise that I wasn’t going to find any of the bad parts, I didn’t want them to get their hopes up about me reverting to Islam. I wanted this ‘decision’ to be one that I made on my own - without pressure.

This ‘decision’ that I refer to wasn’t really a decision at all. I am often asked ‘What made you decide to become Muslim?’ but when something as clear and logical as Islam is put in front of you, there is no choice. This is not to say that it made the decision to say Shahadah any easier. There were many things that stopped me at first. Firstly I didn’t think that I knew enough about Islam… but then it didn’t matter because I knew that I would never find anything that was illogical or ‘bad’. I came to realise that saying Shahadah is not the final step, but the first. Insha-Allah throughout my life I will continue to learn. The other thing that made me hesitant was turning the meaning of the word ‘Islam’ from all the bad things that I had linked with it. I always thought that I couldn’t possibly be Muslim!! To then learn that my ‘Own Religion’ and beliefs for example of God beingOne , was actually Islam was hard at first. Islam brought everything together. Everything made sense. To me, finding Islam was like one big bus ride - I had stopped and had a look at all of the stops along the way, taken a bit from all of them, and continued on with the journey. When I found Islam I knew it was the ‘last stop’ of my long ride.

In October of 1997, my best friend came with me for me to say my Shahadah at an Islamic Centre in Melbourne (Jeffcott st). I was still scared at the time, but after one of the sisters going through the articles of faith, and me putting a mental tick next to each of them, I knew that there was nothing left to do but to say it with my mouth. I still cry when I think of the moment that I said ‘Yes.. I’ll do it’. I finally dropped the mental wall that had been stopping me. I was to repeat in Arabic after the sister. With her first word I cried. It is a feeling that I can’t explain. My friend was sitting beside but a little behind me, I didn’t realise it then but she was already crying. I felt so much power around me and in the words, but I myself felt so weak.

Sometimes I think myfamily wonder if this is a phase I am going through, just like my other phases. I was even vegetarian until mum told me what was for dinner that night - a roast. There is still so much for me to learn, but one thing that I would like people to understand is that I know Alhamdulillah that Islam is a blessing for mankind. The more you learn, Insha-Allah, the more beauty you will see in Islam.

Your sister in Islam

Holy Quran 45:20These are clear proofs for men, and a guidance and a mercy for a people who are sure.

Saabirah AbdulHayy

Each single life is a unique, beautiful, gift from the One Who Creates. Insha’Llah, I shall never stop loving to sing the praises of my Creator (swt) and the Road that I’ve travelled and continue to travel until breath leaves this body. I was born Muslim, AlHumduli’Llah although I never knew that as I was raised Catholic Christian. There have been many trials with only one answer even when I didn’t know the question.

There has been One Constant in my life and it is the Source of All...Allah (swt). Sometimes, that never-ending, “God, where are you?” caused difficulties, especially when I was growing up. Mother used to say (and still does) “Go to church once a week, say your prayers and then cut it out with all of your “God Stuff!” For me, that would have been like cutting off a limb. I have been a bit ill since 12 years old in that I’ve had epilepsy, which was difficult to control. I was married at age 22, had a child, and because of seizures, I was heavily medicated and seem to have lost 11 years of my life/memories. I recall my daughter at the age of 5 and then...she was 16. I became ill with pneumonia and in one day my lungs collapsed, liver failed and I slipped into a comatose state. The doctors resuscitated me and used life support for sustenance. My family was told that I would most likely live for not more than 3 days. AlHumduli’Llah, I didn’t know that I was “supposed to die” and one day I woke up!

My life took a turn. I worked as an office manager for a few years. When I was laid off, I went on retreat to seek Guidance and again asked God, “Where areYou ?” The official reason for the retreat was a passage from the Bible: “Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. When I left for that retreat, I made a “bargain with God.” I asked for His Guidance and in turn promised that after 10 days of prayer, I would return home to find God’s Will for me “in the mailbox!” Well, Allah (swt) came through and I found one letter about a pilgrimage to Israel. In Israel, I discovered Arabs and Muslims. “The Road Less Travelled” opened up to me and I was happy to walk it. After that first 10-day pilgrimage I returned to Israel by myself for what I believed would be 28 days for a time of prayer, searching, and coming to a better understanding of God and me. When the airplane landed I walked through Ben Gurion airport pushing my luggage in a trolley, wondering what would happen to me... alone in the Middle East! A very beautiful world opened up to me as I looked out at the desert, palm trees and people speaking strange languages...Hebrew and Arabic, neither of which I understood at all.

The trip from Ben Gurion Airport to Jerusalem was my very first experience of being totally on my own. The brilliant blue skies and gentle breezes spelled out “home” to me. After one day in Jerusalem I was off to Mt. Tabor for 11 days. My 40th birthday was on the exact same day as the 50th anniversary of the ordination of one of the Franciscan friars and the banquet and fireworks that were planned for that day were for us both! Looking out over the desert and across to Mt. Hermon was my morning activity. The sheep and goats with their bells meandered up the side of Mt. Tabor. Birds tweeted and sang their morning songs as the sun rose. It was summer and everything was in bloom. Flower petals marked the pages of my prayer books and journals instead of bookmarks. I cannot properly explain what it was and what was going on in me, but again, I felt as though “something” was calling.

After Mt. Tabor and the Church of the Transfiguration, I went down to Mt. Carmel. Ahh...the Mediterranean filling the horizon with such a blue/green! I lived in the Monastery of St. Terese with the Carmelite Sisters and Friars. I was a secular Discalced Carmelite at the time. It was our obligation to pray five times every day the “Liturgy of the Hours,” which is mainly the Psalms and a ritual standing and bowing... much like making Salaat. So, we rose with the sun. I wondered at the marvels and questions that were filling every piece of me. I was there for the feasts of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and 3 days later, the feast of St. Elijah. The cave of Elijah is in the side of the mount overlooking the ocean. Jews and Muslims came for a week camping out in the huge yard in front of the monastery. Every year there is a great celebration for the Feast of Elijah the Prophet who fought the people of Baal, right there on Mt. Carmel. The Temple of Baal is still there almost next door to the Carmelite Monastery. The time on Mt. Carmel was like a dream and when my two weeks there was up I didn’t know what to do. I called to the US and they said, “You sound as though you want to stay, whydon’t you change your ticket?” Well, they didn’t have to say it twice!

Going to Jerusalem was scary. I didn’t know the city and I’d yet to find my way around the small alleyways of the Old City (Al-Quds). There was a favourite spot at the coffee shop at the Notre Dame Center. I’d sit there and look out over the Old City’s minarets and steeples. The Dome of the Rock filled my gaze...so beautiful! After the 4 days that were reserved for me in the hotel I had to “hit the streets” in search of a new place to lay my head. The winding alleyways of al-Quds were like a labyrinth. I knew of one little house that was run by the Arab Rosary Sisters and went there pulling all of my belongings. The little Arab Sister said, “Sorry, we don’t have any room but you can leave your luggage while you go to look around the city.” So, I was off on the very old stone streets with the wall of al-Quds always on one side of me. As darkness began to fall and there was nowhere to sleep I recalled the words of the Psalm, “Though an army surround me, I shall not fear for Thou art with me.” I had lost my luggage and couldn’t find my way back to the morning’s house! Trudging down the dusty street I saw a familiar door built into the walls. It was strange in that it was open with night approaching. An Arab nun looked out as I was about to pass by and said, “Aren’t you Sabina? Someone told me that you were here in the morning. Come in, we have a place for you!” What a shock! Thus began the next months of communal meals with other travellers (who turned into “Jerusalem friends” over the next 7 years), hand washing clothes and singing as we hung them on the roof to dry, bargaining in the souq, and travelling the city in an attempt to soak in it’s glory.

My roommate Lena was Swedish. She worked at the Gaza Community Mental Health Program on weekends and was studying Arabic. That was where I learned of the plight of the Palestinians and first decided to plunge myself into the Arabic language. When my Visa ran out it was a teary “goodbye” and long flight back to the US. After a little while, I found myself back in al-Quds...my home. Money was tight so it was time to live life poorly in my beloved al-Quds. I learned every face, every smile, every shop’s owner and the merchants in the souq. I was known as “the woman with the beautiful dress” for the lovely Bedouin jalabiyya that I wore. Also, I was known as “the hard woman” because I’d learned to “bargain with the best of them!” I lived in a hostel (50 cents a night) and met Ismael who would become my teacher for writing Arabic. I didn’t know it at the time but the words that Ismael was teaching me to write were things like “ism” or “Malik” “al-ard.” He said, “Sabina, the best way to learn the Arabic language is with the Qur’an.”

I didn’t know what the Qur’an was! I had very little exposure to Islam. Ismael always said, “Sabina your Faith is beautiful and you love God. Don’t let anyone hurt that... only God isOne .” “Do not forget Sabina... God isOne .”

Things changed a bit. I was living inside the Walls of the Old City. My little room looked like a cave made from stone with a vaulted roof. Winters were freezing cold and wet. Spring cloaked the country in colors, summer was sweltering hot, and the fall was a less colorful version of spring. One year, a Carmelite priest that I knew took me to the Monastery of the Discalced Carmelite nuns on the Mount of Olives just there at the Grotto of the Pater Noster. I was already a member of a Catholic Discalced Carmelite community but thought to enter the monastery in Palestine/Israel. Life in the monastery was beautiful.

The olive grove just out the window of my cell was huge with olive trees, grape vines, pomegranate bushes, fig trees, plum trees and a vegetable garden. Life was lived around the bells. We prayed every day, 5 times a day, and in the summer we prayed at the same times that the Adhan was calling Muslims to prayer. That was a very prayerful, solitary and thoughtful life. It afforded me much peace and lots of time for quiet thought. While in the monastery I wondered about God. I was overshadowed by a different and powerful Transcendence...I thought, “Where is God?” Now I know that He (swt) never left me for even a split second, Masha’Llah. Life in the monastery was typical of any other nun but I sensed there that my life needed to be out on the streets in the world. When I left the monastery it was a sad day but also the first day of the rest of my life. I went down to Jerusalem on Yom Kippur.After a short visit back to the US, I returned to al-Quds again...”for the rest of my life.”

The last stage of life in al-Quds I worked at the Syrian Catholic Patriarchate in East Jerusalem’s Muslim neighbourhood. The Syrian/Arab Christians are very suspicious of Muslims and I was told to make sure that all doors and windows were securely locked by nightfall because “they (Muslim neighbours) will sneak in and cut our throats while we sleep!” At that time I was working very hard doing manual work. I was the “foolish American” since I was not in the least afraid of Muslims; they were my friends. I was the one who cared for the Muslim women and children that came to our guesthouse. I also cleaned lots of bathrooms in the house, washed floors, and scrubbed the endless stairs on my hands and knees at least once a weekIn all there were 16 flights of stairs. I must have hung goodness knows how many sheets on the rooftop every morning. I liked going up on the roof just after waking to pray. Every morning at about 4:30 I went up to the roof and looked out over the Old City. My beloved Jerusalem! The Dome of the Rock is a sight that will live in my heart forever! I had been learning to write Arabic and copied everything that I saw.

One day I saw something on the wall of a coffee shop and it captivated me. I copied it. It was so beautiful that my fingers learned to write it without stopping at all. Every morning I used the tip of my finger to “write” the words in the blue sky. Soon, I asked Muslim friends what it was that I was writing and they told me, “That is a Surah, Surat al-Falaq.” A dear friend, Kamil, suggested that I go down into the souq and get a copy of the Qur’an, so I did.

The first thing that I looked for was Al-Falaq, and I read, “In the Name of God, the Merciful,the Compassionate. All of Creation seeks refuge in the Lord of the Daybreak”...just as I had been writing with my finger in the sky! “From the evil which He has created”...and I thought of the soldiers that patrolled Jerusalem. “And from the evil of the darkness when it descends”...was this my Muslim friends who would “sneak in and slit our throats”?!the riots in the streets and the sounds of the dark. “And from the evil of those who practice witchcraft, and from the evil of the envier when he envies”...the envious...what did I have to envy? Little did I know of the Gifts that Allah (swt) was showering on littleme.

The days were beautiful after the work was done but because of the harsh chemicals that I had to use my feet and hands were callused and raw. The dry skin finally cracked leaving my hands bleeding when used very much. If I stood still in one place for too long my feet would become numb so that when beginning to walk it was agony. Sandals were permanently bloodstained from walking and irritating the cracks. I noticed that shop owners and produce vendors were avoiding me. I looked like a leper and a darned skinny one at that. The only thing that helped forget the pain was to look at the children and walk the narrow streets of the souq...up to the top of the Mt. of Olives...out to Ein Karim to sit up on the cliff overlooking the wadi...Nazareth and the Galilee! Tiberius and a boat trip across the Sea of Galilee to the Mount of Beatitudes!The Dead Sea where I went to swim. Gorgeous! Well...life was tough and life was beautiful. After going to Mass every evening I walked home to the patriarchate down the same dusty roads.

One evening as I walked in excruciating pain I talked to God. “My God, areYou there? DoYou really exist? I don’t know if I’m a Jew, Christian or Muslim or Atheist! My God...ifYou are there, I’m throwing everything that I’ve ever knew of You right here in this gutter. You have to teach me because I sense something but don’t know what it is!” With that I looked up at the sun setting over the golden Dome of the Rock...ah, Ya Allah! As I walked home I cried. It felt as though I had just attempted spiritual suicide and was falling off of the top of a cliff into a black abyss. I could feel myself “dropping” and knew that I would either land in the pits of Hell or...or...God could save me! My thoughts were that God is One...He transcends whatever anyone I’d heard had said. “Please God, Ya Allah take me!” was all that I could think.

After that I became ill. The Syrian Catholics were “not nice.” One day I was told to leave by afternoon...no more work. By evening I was back on the street pulling some luggage with me, some stored at a little house in the courtyard, and nowhere to sleep. Eventually I found a room in a hostel in East Jerusalem. After a few weeks my body froze up due to the lupus condition. The American Embassy made emergency arrangements to fly me back to the US to find some doctors. It was probably the saddest thing that could have happened. Just before I left I went back to the Notre Dame and had my usual cappuccino on the terrace with its beautiful view of the City. Sitting there I knew that it was a brief period that I would remember for the rest of my life. I looked out over the City at the Dome of the Rock with the Mt. of Olives rising behind it and prayed, “My God…Please do not let me die until I once again see al-Quds. My God, let Jerusalem live always in my heart.” I have never taken a photograph of al-Quds yet I can see it still.

When I returned to the US, after a while of being sick and unable to move, I got better, went to work and continued bumping up against the thoughts and feelings of Jerusalem. God was there in my life...and God was One, Al Quyyoom, the Transcendent. I missed hearing the Adhans echoing in the streets of Jerusalem...”Allahu Akbar…Allahu Akbar.” I missed the little children running to me calling, “Sabria, Sabria!” I missed my Muslim friends and I wondered, “Where is Allah?”

One morning just before work I was compelled to stand in my kitchen and asked Allah to be my witness as I said, “AshHadu ana La Illaha Illa Allahwa AshaHadu ana Muhammad Nabi waRasuulu.” I read al-Fatiha and al-Falaq and walked out my door in tears, overjoyed at the thought “I am Muslim! Allahu Akbar! My name had changed from Sabina or Sabria to Saabirah... the Patient one.Subhan Allah.

Salaamu Alaikum waRahmatulluh waBarakatuhu.

Holy Quran 48:28 He it isWho sent His Apostle with the guidance and the true religion that He may make it prevail over all the religions; and Allah (swt) is enough for a witness.