The Last Journey; Translation of Manazil Al- Akhirah

The Last Journey; Translation of Manazil Al- Akhirah20%

The Last Journey; Translation of Manazil Al- Akhirah Author:
Translator: Aejaz Ali Bhujwala (Al-Husainee)
Publisher: Ansariyan Publications – Qum
Category: Day_of_Resurrection

The Last Journey; Translation of Manazil Al- Akhirah
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The Last Journey; Translation of Manazil Al- Akhirah

The Last Journey; Translation of Manazil Al- Akhirah

Author:
Publisher: Ansariyan Publications – Qum
English

This book is corrected and edited by Al-Hassanain (p) Institue for Islamic Heritage and Thought

The Returning (Ma’ad)

Ma’ad is derived from the root word Aud, which means to return. Hence, the returning of the spirit (rooh) back to its body is called Ma’ad. Ma’ad is one of the fundamental principals of Islamic faith and belief in it is incumbent upon all Muslims. After death every soul shall arise to see the reward or retribution (as the case may be) of their deeds.

Ma’ad consists of stages Death (Maut), Grave (Qabr), Intermediate Stage (Barzakh), Resurrection (Qayamat) and Paradise (Jannat) or hell (Jahannam). Ma’ad cannot be perceived by the five senses of man, but can be comprehended by reasoning alone.

What happens after death? The Holy Prophet (s) through the medium of Revelation (Wahy) has explained it to us in detail. Man’s senses have their own limitations beyond which it is not possible for him to understand. For example a child in the mother’s womb cannot perceive the vastness of the outside world. In the same manner, a soul captivated by the influences of matter cannot easily understand the hidden world and its realities.

The knowledge of this unseen world is concealed from man and he can only understand it through the medium of the Holy Prophet (s) and his Vicegerents, the Holy Aimmah (a.s.). Hence to have a better comprehension of the hereafter, we have to rely totally upon them, because they are the inheritors of the knowledge of Allah and His Hidden Wisdom.

Is a person’s body affected after death?

Many are of the opinion that after death man’s body becomes an absolute nothing like a dry wood; hence the question of reckoning in the grave does not arise. Such doubts are the outcome of sheer ignorance and lack of belief in the unseen (Ghaib). Speech is the effect of the tongue and movements are impressions of a living body. However, the spirit (Rooh) is motionless. Hence it is independent of movements, as a man’s tongue or lips do not move during a dream. A person who is awake will bear witness to it. After awakening the person will narrate the discussions he had with people, he will also claim to have traveled far off cities, but his body in reality lay motionless on the bed all throughout the night.

Dreams (Ru’ya)

Imam Moosa al-Kazim (a.s.) states that in the former part of creation, man did not dream. Allah sent upon the people His Apostle to guide them towards virtue and warn against evil. The Prophet advised them that if they followed the Right Path as preached by Him, they would be successful and be rewarded in Paradise. And, if they erred and did not avoid sin, they would face tribulation in hell. They asked the Prophet as to how could they rely on something, which they had never seen. They said that they observed that after death a man’s body became motionless and turned into dust; how could then he be rewarded or chastised for his actions.

It is after this incident that they started having dreams in which they witnessed Allah’s rewards in Paradise and His wrath in Hell. They went to the Prophet and narrated this to him. The Prophet replied that same as in the dreams they were able to mete people, converse with them, and visit far off places, after death too they would still taste chastisement or reward (as the case may be) in Paradise or Hell, even if their bodies would have been reduced to dust.

Death (Maut)

Scholars differ regarding the explanation of death. Some call it a continuous phenomenon (Amre Wujoodi - not the end of life), while others opine that it is terminal one (Amre Adami - the end of life). However, generally it is accepted that this is purely a bodily affair.

Regarding death it is said that, “It is a continuous process and the vice versa to life.” The Holy Qur’an says.

“Blessed is He in whose hand is the kingdom (of the heavens and the earth), and He has power over all things, Who created death and life that He may try you, (to prove) which of you is best in deeds.” (Surah al Mulk, 67: 1-2)

The above verse (Ayah) refers to the purpose of the creation of life and death. Non-existence is not the essence of creation. If death had been an ending process, the word “Khaliq” (Creation) would not have been used. Death in reality is the divorce of the spirit (rooh) from the body, and can be illustrated by many examples. It can be compared to a sailor estranged from his wrecked ship.

The spirit is a light, which illuminates the dark body and its components derive benefit from it. Whereas death is the estranger of this light from the body, leaving it again in darkness. It is not true that the spirit enters the body, because it is free to enter and exit. It shares a limited relation with the body, after which it leaves the body for immortality.

In short, the detachment of the spirit (Rooh) from the body is called death (Maut). It is incumbent upon us to believe that death is a phenomenon solely governed by the will and command of Almighty Allah only, and He maintains the relation of the spirit to the body from mother’s womb till the end. He is the Creator (Khaliq) of all things, and the Giver of life and death. The Holy Qu’ran says:

“Allah takes the spirits (Rooh) at the time of their death.” (Surah az-Zumar, 39:42)

Some ignorant people are of the opinion that the Angel of death (Izraeel) is an evil demon and an enemy who estranges us from our children and orphans them. But the reality is that he acts in accordance to the command of Allah only and has no personal choice in the matter.

Separation of the Spirit from the body

It is narrated in the tradition of Me’raj that a plank is placed in front of Izraeel, on which names of all creatures are written. When Allah wills death of any one of His creatures, the name on the plank disappears, and Izraeel does the needful. It is possible that at one time death of more than one creature may be ordained. Just as many candles can be extinguished in a single puff, more than one spirit can be removed together. Surely Allah is the giver of death as stated in the Qur’an,

“Say (O Prophet) the Angel of death who is given charge of you shall cause you to die. (Surah as-Sajdah, 32:11)

In another verse it is stated.

“Those whom the Angels cause to die while they are unjust to them selves.” (Surah an-Nahl, 16:28)

Izraeel and his comrade Angels have been assigned the job of removing the spirits of creatures. When an army follows the commands of their king and conquers cities, it is said that the said army has conquered the said cities, but in reality conquest is a result of the king’s military tacts and warfare. Many examples can be given to prove the above, but the fact is that this event is beyond comparison.

As Allah has created this world as a house of causes (Darul Asbab), He has also created a cause for death. Disease, murder, accident etc. are some of its causes. These act as reasons for the approach of death, if not there are instances of persons who recover even after a serious illness, while some die in a blink of an eye. These causes also do not have an independent option, unless attested by the command and will of the Almighty.

Spirits of some men are removed with ease while some experience severe difficulty. It is narrated in traditions (Ahadees) that during death some people feel as if their body is being cut asunder by scissors, or are being grinded in a mill, while some feel as if they are smelling the fragrance of a rose. It is stated in the Qur’an:

“Those whom the Angels cause to die in a good state, saying - Peace be on you, enter the garden (of Paradise) for what you did.” (Surah an-Nahl, 16:32)

It is not necessary that the spirits of all believers (Mo’mineen) will be removed easily. Even a believer who has done good deeds in his lifetime can experience difficulty during death. This acts as the punishment for sins he committed for which he is atoned for in this very world. While for a non -believer this difficulty is an extra punishment of Allah followed by the ones to come in the Hereafter.

“But how will it be when the Angels cause them to die smiting their backs.” (Surah al-Muhammad, 47:27)

It is also possible that a non-believer may not experience difficulty during death, this acts as reward for the good deeds he has committed which is compensated in this very world, leaving their scrolls of deed of any reward. In reality death is an unfortunate event for a non-believer even though he dies in comfort, while it is a blessing and felicity for a believer even though he experiences difficulty during it.

Love of world

Hatred towards death and love of the world is the outcome of an ignorant person’s mind that thinks that the happiness of this world is from his prosperity and good fortune. The world sated with numerous troubles and anxieties is out to end in misery and does not enjoy eternity, perpetuity and sincerity.

A poet has referred to this in the following words - “Do not give your heart to this world, for its example is of an unfaithful bride who has never loved you, even for a night.” The Holy Qur’an says that the love of this world is one of the characteristics of the disbelievers.

“[the disbelievers] are pleased with this world’s life and are content with it.” (Surah -Yunus, 10:71)

In another verse, it is stated,

“Are you contended with the life of this world instead of the Hereafter” (Surah al-Bara’at, 9:38).

For the Jews it is said,

“Every one of them loves that he should be granted a life of a thousand years.” (Surah a1-Baqarah, 2:96)

There are many traditions detesting the love of world. The Holy Prophet(s) has said, “Verily the love of this world is the root cause of every evil.”

Friendship with death

It is of utmost importance that man should hold death dear and consider it an opportunity of meeting with his Almighty, and not hate it and consider it as evil, but should take lessons from it. He should ask forgiveness from Allah for his sins and tame the rebellious self (nafs).

When the call of his Lord comes, he should welcome it with open arms accepting it to be a blessing from Allah. He should be contented with the decree (Qadr) of Allah. He should rejoice that shortly he would be taken to the presence of Ahlulbait (a.s.) and meet his deceased companions and other believer brothers. He should also not be disheartened by the delay in death but should consider it as an opportunity afforded by Allah to him to repent. This delay would give him a chance to gather provisions useful for his journey to the other world, for the journey is tiresome and full of dangerous valleys and difficult paths.

Relating to the removal of the Spirit and its hardships (Sakarat)

“And the stupor of death will come in truth, that is what you were trying to escape.” (Surah Qaf, 50:19).

This stage is full of difficulties & troubles. On one hand a man feels pain, his tongue becomes motionless, his bodily components cease to function, while on the other hand there is weeping and wailing of relatives, grief of their separation, orphaning of children, and the sorrow of leaving behind hardly earned wealth and enormous property for others to feast upon - the wealth which was sometimes gathered by usurpation or through illicit means. The dying man remembers his sins and regrets, but alas, the time (to repent) has passed and accounts closed.

Amirul Mo’mineen (a.s.) has said, “He (the dying person) regrets over his wealth which he gathered bearing hardships, and now he is being separated from it, leaving it to be feasted upon by his inheritors. His hard earned wealth is left for the use of others.” The dying person feels scared, for he is about to enter an unknown and unexplored world, and is all the more frightened when he witnesses the things which are totally new to him. The Holy Qur’an says,

“Certainly you were heedless of it, but now we have removed from you your veil, so your sight today is sharp.” (Surah Qaf, 50:22)

He feels the presence of Angels around him and wonders about what is in store for him. It has been narrated in traditions (Ahadees) that at the time of death, the Holy Prophet (s) and the Holy Aimmah (a.s.) come near the head of the dying person, who is able to see them.

It is narrated in third volume of ‘Bihar-al-Anwar’ that once Imam Ali ar-Ridha (a.s.) went to meet one of his companions (Sahabi) who was about to die. He looked towards the Imam (a.s.) and said, “I see the radiant faces of your Grandfather (the Holy Prophet), your Father (the Commander of the faithful), your Mother (Hazrat Fatema), and the other Imams in your Ancestry. I also see your luminous face along with them.”

It is a fact that dying men have a glimpse of the Aimmah (a.s.), according to his love for and knowledge of them. For a believer (mo’min) their sight is a blessing from Allah, and for a hypocrite (munafiq) and disbeliever, it is a sign of Allah’s wrath. In the Salutation (Ziarat) of Amirul Mo’mineen Ali (a.s.) we utter these words:

السَّلاَمُ عَلَى نِعْمَةِ اللهِ عَلَى الأَبْرَارِ وَنِقْمَةِ اللهِ عَلَى الْجَبَّارِ

Peace be upon Allah’s grace for the upright and Allah’s chastisement on the tyrants.

The dying man is confused, because on one hand Satan (Shaitaan) with his companions tries hard to spoil his faith (Eeman), and on the other hand the thought of the arrival of the Angel of death makes him all the more puzzled. He wonders as to in what state would he (the Angel of death) come and how would his spirit be removed. The Commander of the faithful Ali (a.s.) says, “And when the signs of death approache, he knows not what will befall him.”

Shaikh Kulaini narrates from Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) who said that once Hazrat Ali (a.s.) was suffering from the ailment of the eye. The Holy Prophet (s) came to inquire about his health. He saw that Ali (a.s.) was in intense pain and was restless because of it. The Prophet asked him, “Is this anxiety the outcome of the ailment”? Hazrat Ali (a.s.) replied that, “I had never witnessed such a pain before.”

The Holy Prophet, in order to console him, said “O Ali! when the Angel of death comes to take the spirit of the disbeliever, he brings along with him a club of fire, by which he removes his spirit and the flames of hell scream at the dying man.”

The Commander of the believers sat upright and said, “O Prophet! Please explain to me the tradition (hadees), for I do not fell the pain anymore. Will the spirit of anyone from among your ummat be removed in the same manner”? The Holy Prophet replied, ‘Yes, three types of persons from among my ummat too will be subjected to this punishment (1) An oppressive (Zalim) ruler, (2) Those who unjustly usurp the rights of orphans, and (3) The bearer of false witness.”

Man due to difficulty or ease during death also sees the effects of his good or bad deeds, which he committed. There are also some who turn apostate during death due to some of their bad deeds.

“Then evil was the end of those who did evil, because they rejected the communications of Allah and used to mock them.” (Surah ar-Rum, 30:10)

It has also been narrated that during death (Sakarat) or afterwards, the following persons should not be near the dying man: a woman in menses (Haiz) or irregular period (Istahaza), and a polluted (Junoob) person, because the Blessed Angels leave and the dying man falls into trouble. Shaikh Sadooq in his book Ilalush Sharaye’ quotes Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) as saying, that woman in menses (Haiz) or a polluted person (Junoob) should not remain near the dying person, because the Angels feel disgusted because of it and go away.

In the book ‘Darus Salaam’, the great scholar Sayyed Murtaza Najafi quotes: Once an extreme epidemic broke in Iraq and Arabia. I was seated in the courtyard of the Shrine of the Commander of the faithful Ali (a.s.) with a distinguished Scholar (Aalim) Sayyed Muhammad Baqir Qazwini. He was distributing work among us for serving the people affected, when we saw a youth who was standing in the last rank and was struggling to come near the Sayyed, but could not do so because of immense crowd.

Suddenly the young man started wailing aloud, the Sayyed looked at him and told me to inquire the matter from him. I went to him and asked him the reason for weeping. He replied, “I desire that if I die in the epidemic, the Sayyed should recite the Prayer (Namaze Mayyit) over my dead body individually and not as combined with others as he does (due to many deaths in the epidemic). I returned to the Sayyed and narrated the matter to him. He promised to fulfill his desire.

Next day we saw an infant child who came crying to us. When we inquired of him he answered that he was the son of the youth who had come to us yesterday with a desire. He told us that he had become a victim of the epidemic and was about to die, and he was desirous of meeting the Sayyed. Some of us accompanied Sayyed Muhammad Baqir to meet the dying man.

On the way we met a pious man who was coming out of his house. When he saw us he saluted us, and asked us, as to where we were going. We answered that we were going to visit a believer who was in his last moments. With permission he accompanied us in order to share the reward (sawab). When we came to the house, Sayyed Muhammad Baqir entered the room first, then one after the other we entered there in. The dying man was pleased and signaled us to sit.

As soon as the pious man who had met us on the way entered, the dying man’s color changed. His face turned pale and in rage signaled him to go away. He became restless as if some trouble had befallen him. We were all the more surprised when we learnt that the dying man did not even know him, whom we could assume to be his enemy. The man excused himself and went out but returned back after sometime.

This time when he entered, the dying person was pleased and welcomed him. After sometime we took permission to leave. On the way we asked the pious man the reason for the sudden change in the attitude of the dying man. He replied that he was in the state of pollution (Junoob), and was leaving his house with the intention of performing ceremonial bath (Ghusle janabat) in the public bath. He met us on the way, and not wanting to miss the opportunity of performing this noble task accompanied us. He said that when he first entered the house and saw the dying man’s restlessness, he understood and left.

To make himself sure he returned back after having performed the ceremonial bath (Ghusle Janabat). He concluded that the dying man had come to know about his impurity because the blessed Angels had left him and he felt immense pain. (Khazeenatul Jawaher)

Those deeds whose performance eases death

Shaikh Sadooq quotes from Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) that he said, “1f a person wishes that his last moments should be easy, he should maintain cordial relations with his kith and kin, and be kind to his parents. Whoever does so, death will be eased, and he will never fall prey to misfortunes in his lifetime.”

It is narrated that once the Holy Prophet (s) went to see a youth who was in his last moments of life. He told him to recite Kalamae Tawheed (There is no God but Allah), but the youth could not utter it because his tongue had turned speechless. The Prophet repeated his order but with no awail. He repeated it twice but the youth could not answer.

The Prophet turned towards a woman who was sat near the youth’s head and asked her if she was his mother. She replied in affirmative. He then asked her if she was unhappy with her son. She answered that she was certainly unhappy, but would forgive him if the Prophet commanded her to do so. The Prophet told her to forgive him. As soon as she forgave, the youth’s speech returned and he recited the ‘Kalema’. The Prophet asked him as to what he saw. He answered that he saw an ugly looking man who had held him by the neck, and was trying to strangle him. The Prophet told him to recite the following:

O He Who accepts the little (deed) and overlooks the much (wrong)

يَا مَنْ يَقْبَلُ الْيَسِيرَ وَيَعْفُو عَنِ الْكَثِيرِ

Accept my little (deed) and overlook my much (wrong)

اقْبَلْ مِنِّي الْيَسِيرَ وَاعْفُ عَنِّي الْكَثِيرَ

You are certainly the All-merciful, the All-forgiving,

إنَّكَ أَنْتَ الرَّحِيمُ الْغَفُورُ

When he did so, the Prophet asked him as to what he saw now. He answered that he saw that a handsome man had come to his rescue while the ugly man had turned back. The Prophet ordered him to recite the above du’a again and after having done so asked him what he saw. He replied that the ugly man had left, and the handsome youth was there by his side comforting him. He uttered these words and breathed his last.

The above narration should be understood well, and lesson should be learnt that parent’s displeasure becomes the reason for anguish in death. Even after being a companion (sahabi) of the Prophet, and the Prophet being present besides him, the youth could not recite the ‘kalema’ and was in agony till his mother forgave him.

Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) says, “For a person who gives clothes to his brother believer during the summer or in winter, it is incumbent upon Allah to present the dress of Paradise to him, make his end easy, and save him from the narrowness of the grave.” The Holy Prophet (s) has said, “A person who offers to eat something sweet to his brother believer, the pangs of death will be easy on him.”

Those A’mal which prove beneficial during death and eases its tribulations

Reciting Surah al-Yaseen, Surah as-Saffat and the following supplication (du’a) eases the tribulation during death:

لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ اللَّهُ الْحَلِيمُ الْكَرِيمُ

There is no god save Allah, the All-forbearing, the All-generous.

لاَ إِلهَ إِلاَّ اللَّهُ الْعَلِيُّ الْعَظِيمُ

There is no god save Allah, the Most High, the All-great.

سُبْحانَ اللَّهِ رَبِّ السَّمَوَاتِ السَّبْعِ وَرَبِّ الأَرَضِينَ السَّبْعِ

All glory be to Allah, Lord of the seven heavens and Lord of the seven layers of earth,

وَمَا فِيهِنَّ وَمَا بَيْنَهُنَّ وَمَا تَحْتَهُنَّ

and whatever is in, between, and beneath them,

وَرَبِّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ

and Lord of the Great Throne.

وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعالَمِينَ

All praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

Shaikh Sadooq narrates from Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) that he said, “For the person who fasts on the last day of the month of Rajab, Allah will save him from the after effects of death.” Fasting on the 24th of Rajab carries great reward (sawab). One of its merits is that when the Angel of death comes to remove his spirit (rooh), he comes in the form of a handsome youth carrying a bowl of the pure drink (Sharabe Tahoora) and offers him to drink. The dying person does so and dies in peace.

The Holy Prophet (s) says that if a person recites four units (Rak’at) of Namaz on the night of 7th Rajab in a manner that in each unit (Rak’at) after Surah al-Hamd recites thrice Surah at-Tawheed, once Surah al-Falaq, and once Surah an-Naas. After finishing the Namaz, sends Salawat on Us:

اَللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلَى مُحَمَّدٍ وَآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ

O Allah; (please) bless Muhammad and his Household,

and recites ten times Tasbeehate Arba.

سُبْحانَ اللهِ

All glory be to Allah;

وَالْحَمْدُ للهِ

all praise be to Allah;

وَلا إِلهَ إلاَّ اللهُ

there is no god save Allah;

وَاللهُ أَكْبَرُ

and Allah is the Greatest

Almighty Allah will offer him shelter under the Throne (Arsh), and give him reward of a person fasting in the month of Ramazan. Till the time he finishes the prayers, the Angels pray for his forgiveness. Allah will ease the pangs of death on him, and save him from the squeeze in the grave (Fishare Qabr). He will not die until he sees his place in Paradise, and will be safe from the hardships of Resurrection (Qay’amat)

Shaikh Kafami quotes from the Holy Prophet (s), that he said that a person who recites the following supplication (Du’a) 10 times daily, Allah will forgive four thousand major sins (Gunahane Kabeera) of his, offer him refuge from calamities at the time of death, the squeeze in the grave (Fishare Qabr) and Qayamat. Allah will also save him from Satan (Shaitaan) and his army and, will pay off his dues and save him from troubles and anxieties.

أَعْدَدْتُ لِكُلِّ هَوْلٍ لاَ إِلهَ إِلاَّ اللَّهُ

I am preparing “There is no god save Allah” to face any horror;

وَلِكُلِّ هَمٍّ وَغَمٍّ مَا شاءَ اللَّهُ

and “Only that which Allah wills shall come to pass” to face any grief and angset;

وَلِكُلِّ نِعْمَةٍ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ

and “All praise be to Allah” to face all graces;

وَلِكُلِّ رَخاءٍ الشُّكْرُ لِلَّهِ

and “All thanks be to Allah” to face all items of luxury;

وَلِكُلِّ أُعْجُوبَةٍ سُبْحانَ اللَّه

and “All glory be to Allah” to face any astonishing matter;

وَلِكُلِّ ذَنْبٍ أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ

and “I pray Allah’s forgiveness” to face any sin;

وَلِكُلِّ مُصِيبَةٍ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ راجِعُونَ

and “We are Allah’s and to Him shall we return” to face any misfortune;

وَلِكُلِّ ضِيقٍ حَسْبِيَ اللَّهُ

and “Allah is sufficient unto me” to face any distress;

وَلِكُلِّ قَضاءٍ وَقَدَرٍ تَوَكَّلْتُ عَلَى اللَّهِ

and “In Allah do I trust” to face any unexpected matter;

وَلِكُلِّ عَدُوٍّ إعْتَصَمْتُ بِاللَّهِ

and “In Allah do I take shelter” to face any enemy;

وَلِكُلِّ طاعَةٍ وَمَعْصِيَةٍ لاَ حَوْلَ وَلاَ قُوَّةَ إِلاَّ بِاللَّهِ الْعَلِيِّ الْعَظِيمِ

and “There is neither might nor power except with Allah, the Most High, the All-great” to face any act of obedience or disobedience.

The recitation of the following du’a seventy times carries great reward. The least of which is that he will be given glad tidings that he will enter Paradise:

يَا أَسْمَعَ السَّامِعِينَ

O most Hearing of all those who can hear.

يَا أَبْصَرَ النَاظِرينَ

O best Seer of all those who can see.

يَا أَسْرَعَ الحَاسِبِينَ

O swiftest in taking account.

يَا أَحْكَمَ الْحَاكِمِينَ

O Justest of all those who judge.

Shaikh Kulaini relates from Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) that he said that the one who recites Surah az-Zilzal in the Supererogatory Prayers (Nafela), Allah will save him from earthquake, lightening and the calamities of the land and sky. And during death He will send this Surah in the form of a handsome youth who will sit besides him and request the Angel of death (Malekul Maut) to remove his spirit with ease.

Turning away from the Right Path at death

It means that a person could turn away from the Right Path (Sirat al-Mustaqeem) during death. At the time of death Satan (Shaitaan) comes to the dying man and tries his best to deceive him and puts him in doubt, so as to turn him away from faith (Eeman). Fakhr Muhaqqeqeen says that, ‘A person who wishes to remain safe from the mischief of shaitaan at the time of death should preserve five proofs regarding the fundamental principals of faith (Usoole Deen) in his mind, and present it to Allah’s custody, so that during death these may come as a handy against shaitaan’s deceit. Then he should recite the following supplication (du’ a):

اللَّهُمَّ يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ

O Allah; the most Merciful of all those who show mercy;

إِنِّي أَوْدَعْتُكَ يَقِينِي هَذَا وَثَبَاتَ دِينِي

I am depositing with You this faith of mine and my firmness on this belief;

وَأَنتَ خَيْرُ مُسْتَوْدَعٍ

And You are the ever-best of all those who keep deposits.

وَقَدْ أَمَرْتَنَا بِحِفْظِ الْوَدَائِعِ

And You have commanded us to keep safe deposits that are put with us;

فَرُدَّهُ عَلَيَّ وَقْتَ حُضُورِ مَوْتِي

So, (please) keep for me this deposit to give it back to me at the time of my death.

Fakhrul Muhaqqeqeen also says that those who wish to remain safe from shaitaan’s mischief of abandoning faith during death, should recite Dua’e Adeelah with a pure mind and heart. (Du’ae Adeelah is found in all the renowned books of du’as, and also in the first volume of Mafateehul Jinaan by the same author).

Shaikh Toosi relates from Muhammad b. Sulayman Daylami that I asked Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) that, “Some of your faithful followers (Shi’ahs) say that faith (Eeman) is of two types: (1) permanent and firmly established, and (2) One which has been given to us as a trust, and also can be ruined. Please give me a du’a through which my faith may also become permanent and firmly established.” Imam (a.s.) told him to recite the following du’a after every obligatory prayer (Wajib Namaz):

رَضِيتُ بِاللهِ رَبّاً

I have submitted to Allah being my Lord;

وَبِمُحَمَّدٍ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وآلِهِ نَبِيّاً

and to Muhammad - may Allah send blessings upon him and his Househod - being [my] Prophet;

وَبِالإِسْلاَمِ دِيناً

and to Islam being my religion;

وَبِالْقُرْآنِ كِتَاباً

and to the Qur’an being my book;

وَبِالْكَعْبَةِ قِبْلَةً

and to the Ka`bah being my direction;

وَبِعَلِيٍّ وَلِيّاً وَإِمَاماً

and to Ali being my guardian and leader;

وَبِالْحَسَنِ وَالْحُسَيْنِ

and to al-Hasan and al-Husayn

وَعَلِىِّ بْنِ الْحُسَيْنِ وَمُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ

and Ali ibn al-Husayn and Muhammad ibn Ali

وَجَعْفَرِ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ وَمُوسى بْنِ جَعْفَرٍ

and Jafar ibn Muhammad and Musa ibn Jafar

وَعَلِىِّ بْنِ مُوسَى وَمُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ

and Ali ibn Musa and Muhammad ibn Ali

وَعَلِىِّ بْنِ مُحَمَّدٍ وَالْحَسَنِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ

and Ali ibn Muhammad and al-Hasan ibn Ali

وَالْحُجَّةِ بْنِ الْحَسَنِ

and the Argument [of Allah], son of al-Hasan,

صَلَوَاتُ اللهِ عَلَيْهِمْ أَئمَّةً

Allah’s blessings be upon them, being my leaders.

اَللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي رَضيتُ بِهِمْ أَئِمَّةً

O Allah: I submit to them as my leaders;

فَأَرْضَنِي لَهُمْ

so, make me accepted in their sight.

إِنَّكَ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيء قَديرٌ

Verily, You have power over all things.

Those acts which prove beneficial at death

The best deed is to perform Prayers (Namaz) on time. It is related that there is no person in the east or the west on whom the sight of the Angel of death (Malekul Maut) does not fall at least five times during the time of Prayers. Whenever the time of death of that person comes, the Angel of death (Malekul Maut) recognizes him and helps him to recite Kalema and shuns away Satan (Shaitaan) from him.

It is narrated that once Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) wrote to a person: “Do you wish that you may face death while on the Right path? And do you wish that your spirit (Rooh) may be removed from your body while you be performing good deeds? Then hold Allah’s orders dear to yourself and obey them, and do not waste the bounties offered by Him by being disobedient to Him, and do not take undue advantage of His Mercy, nor become arrogant. Honor those who follow Us and respect those who love Us.”

The recitation of Dua-e-Tamjeed (Du’a No. 11) of ‘Saheefae Kamelah’ is beneficial, so as to die while on the Right path and to be saved from turning away from it.

To recite the following supplication (dua) in the Namaz of Sundays in the month of Zilqad:

رَبَّنَا لاَ تُزِغْ قُلُوبَنَا بَعْدَ إِذْ هَدَيْتَنَا

Our Lord! make not our hearts deviate after You have guided us aright,

وَهَبْ لَنَا مِنْ لَدُنْكَ رَحْمَةً

And grant us mercy from You;

إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ الْوَهَّابُ

surely, You are the most liberal Giver.

The other beneficial acts are: To always recite Tasbeehe Fatema (a.s.) (34 times Allaho Akbar, 33 times Alhamdo Lillah, and 33 times Sub-hanallah), to wear ring of Carnelian (Aqeeq, specially of red color), it is better if the following is engraved on it:

مُحَمَّدٌ نَبِيُّ اللهِ وَعَلِيٌّ وَلِيُّ اللهِ

Muhammad is the prophet of Allah and Ali is the friend of Allah.

To recite Surah al-Mo’menoon every Friday, to recite the following supplication (du’a) seven times after morning (Subh) and evening (Maghrib) Prayers:

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

In the Name of Allah; the All-beneficent, the All-merciful.

وَلاَ حَوْلَ وَلاَ قُوَّةَ إلاَّ بِاللهِ الْعَلِيِّ الْعَظيمِ

There is no might and no strength save with Allah, the All-high the All-great.

To recite 8 units (Rak’at) Namaz on the night of 22nd Rajab, in each unit (Rak’at) after Surah al-Hamd recites 7 times Surah at-Tawheed. After ending Namaz, recite 10 times ‘Salawat’, and 10 times ‘Istighfar’:

أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللهَ رَبِّي وَأَتُوبُ إِلَيْهِ

I seek the forgiveness of Allah, my Lord, and I repent before Him.

Sayyed ibne Tawoos quotes the Holy Prophet(s) as saying, that if a person recites 4 units (Rak’ats) Namaz in the month of Sha’ban, such that in each unit (Rak’at) after Sura-al-Hamd recites 50 times Surah at-Tawheed, then during death his spirit will be removed with ease, and his grave will become spacious, and on the day of Qayamat when he comes out of his grave, his face will be shining bright like a full moon and Kalmae Shahadat will be on his lips.

The following incidents will prove helpful for further explanation:

Incident 1

Fuzail bin Ayaz who was one of the great Sufi Saints, says that he had a pious and virtuous student. The student once fell ill, and when his death approached, Fuzail came to visit him and started reciting Surah al-Yaseen. The student requested Fuzail to stop reciting it. Fuzail then requested him to recite the Kalema, but he refused to do so and said that he was sick of it (Allah’s refuge).

Fuzail was shocked and felt sad at the attitude of his pious student; he returned home and did not come out for some days. One night he dreamt that the angels of wrath were dragging the same student to the fire of hell. Fuzail stopped them and inquired of his student as to why was he being treated in that manner, when he was always a pious and devout student of his. He asked him about what was the reason behind his painful end. The student replied that he had three bad habits in him:

1. Slander, (Woe be on every slanderer & defamer) Surah al-Humazah, 104:1

2. Jealousy, (Verily jealousy destroys faith (Eeman) in the same manner as fire destroys wood - Usoole Kafi), and

3. Creating mischief, (creating mischief is graver than murder) - (Surah al-Baqarah, 2: 217).

The student also told Fuzail that he once committed an act, which also proved harmful for his hereafter. He said that once he had a disease, and the doctor had prescribed him to drink wine for its cure. The doctor told him that if he did not do so he would never be cured. He did as the doctor said. Because of this and the other 3 bad habits his end was this painful, and he died in the state of shame.

For further explanation of the above narrative, I state below an incident quoted by Shaikh Kulaini, who quotes Abu Baseer as saying that, Once I was seated in the presence of Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.), when Umme Khalid binte Ma’badiyyah came and told the Imam (a.s.) that since she knew the prohibition of its use, she had come to the Imam (a.s.) to take advice regarding it. Imam Sadiq (a.s.) asked her, “What stopped you from using it”? She said that being one of His devout followers, she wished to be saved from shame, and on the day of Qayamat if she be questioned about it she could reply that its use (or prohibition) was ordered to her by the Imam (a.s.) himself.

The Imam (a.s.) turned towards me and said, “O Abu Muhammad! (referred to Abu Baseer), do you pay heed to what this woman says”? Then Imam Sadiq (a.s.) answered: By Allah I never give you permission to consume even a drop of it, for if you do so, you shall have to regret when your spirit reaches here.” and Imam (a.s.) pointed towards his neck and repeated the sentence thrice, and took the woman’s assurance that she had understood it well.

Incident 2

Shaikh Bahai states in his book ‘Kashkol’ that there was a person who had spent his entire life in pleasures and luxuries of this world. When he was about to die, the people gathered around him and requested him to recite the ‘Kalema’. But instead of the ‘Kalema’ the dying man said: Where is that woman who in a state of exhaustion came to me and asked me the way to the public bath (named Manjab).

He said so because one day a virtuous and beautiful woman had come out of her house to have bath in a famous bathhouse named ‘Manjab’. She forgot her way and was exhausted searching for it. She saw this man standing near a door and asked him the way to it. He pointed towards his house and said that the same was the bathhouse named ‘Manjab’. As soon as the woman entered, the man locked the door and intended to have illicit physical relation with her. The virtuous woman sensed that there was no escape from his lustful fold, and hence pretended to be interested in him. She said that she was a state of uncleanliness and was proceeding for a bath. She told the man to go and get some scent for her so that she may perfume and adorn herself for him, and also to get something to eat as she was exhausted.

The man was deceived by her words and went to the market to buy things. As soon as he stepped outside, the woman thanked Allah for preserving her chastity and ran away. When the man returned, he understood his mistake and regretted. Now when his end neared, her remembered this indecent act and instead of reciting the ‘Kalema’ said the above words.

The incident is to be reflected upon that when the person was about to die, the sin (even though he had not committed it, but had intended) stopped him from reciting the ‘Kalema’. Shaikh Kulaini quotes Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) as saying that, “One who does not pay even one Qeerat of Zakat due on him (Qeerat is equal to 21 dinars), will die the death of a Jew or a Christian.” The same tradition (hadees) is also said about the person who intentionally does not perform Hajj even after being capable of doing so.

From Death till Grave

After the spirit (Rooh) is separated from the body, it lingers on the top for sometime. There after the Spirit of the believer is taken to the Heavens, while that of a non-believer below. When a believer’s bier is being carried, he calls out: “Hasten me to my eternal destination,” while non-believer calls out: “Do not make haste to bury me in my grave, making way for my chastisement.” During bath of the believer’s dead body, the Angels ask him if he desires to return to the world back to his kith and kin, to which he replies that he does not intend to go back to the world of miseries and misfortune.

The Spirit of the dead remains present and witnesses the bath given to his body. It is also narrated that when the bath is being performed, the dead person feels as if he is being thrown from height, and the rough hands of the person performing the bath seems to be smiting him. Hence it is necessary that bath should be performed with gentle hands.

The Spirit hears the voices of the people who have come to attend his funeral. Hence it should be borne in mind that one should avoid talking during funeral. A woman in menses or nifaas (blood discharge after childbirth), and a person in the state of pollution should avoid coming near the dead body, because it becomes the reason for the displeasure of the blessed Angels, who turn away in disgust. Such acts should be performed for the dead person which become the reason for Allah’s blessings, viz. remembrance of Allah and Ahlulbait, (a.s.), recitation of Qur’an etc.

It is also narrated that after the dead body is buried, the spirit returns and maintains relation with the body. When it sees that the people are returning back, knows that from now on it is destined to live alone. It becomes restless, and says: “Alas! Those children of mine whom I brought up with love and care have abandoned me, and now my only companions are my deeds (A’amal) which I performed while alive.” The first glad tidings which a believer receives is in the grave: “Oh you who believe! Allah has forgiven your sins and the sins of those who attended your funeral.”

When I found Islam I knew it was the ‘last stop’

In the Name of Allah,The Beneficent, The Merciful

Often when people ask me ‘How did you come to Islam?’, I take a deep breath and try and tell them the ‘short version’. I don’t think that Islam is something that I came to suddenly, even though it felt like it at the time, but it was something that I was gradually guided towards through different experiences. Through writing this piece I hope that somebody may read it, identify with some things and may be prompted to learn more about the real Islam.

I was born in 1978 in Australia, was christened and raised ‘Christian’. As a child I used to look forward to attending church and going to Sunday school. Even though I can still remember looking forward to it, I can’t remember much about it. Maybe it was getting all dressed up in my bestclothes, maybe seeing the other children, maybe the stories, or maybe it was just that I could look forward to my grandmothers’ famous Sunday lunch when I got home. My family wasn’t strict about religion at all - the bible was never read outside church from what I knew, grace was never said before eating. To put it simply I guess religion just wasn’t a major issue in our lives. I can remember attending church with my family sometimes, and as I got older I can remember getting annoyed when the other members of my family chose not to come. So for the last couple of years I attended church alone.

At the time that I attended primary school ‘Religious Education’ was a lesson that was given weekly. We learned of ‘true Christian values’ and received copies of the bible. While I wouldn’t admit it at the time, I also looked forward to those classes. It was something interesting to learnabout, something that I believed had some sort of importance, just that I didn’t know what.

In my high school years I attended an allgirls high school. We didn’t have any sort of religious classes there, and I guess to some degree I missed that because I starting reading the bible in my own time. At the time I was reading it for ‘interest sake’. I believed that God existed, but not in the form that was often described in church. As for the trinity, I hoped that maybe that was something I would come to understand as I grew older. There were many things that confused me, hence there seemed to be ‘religious’ times in my life where I would read the bible and do my best to follow it, then I would get confused and think that it was all too much for me to understand. I remember talking to a Christian girl in my math classes. I guess that gave me one reason to look forward to math. I would ask her about things that I didn’t understand, and whilst some explanations I could understand, others didn’t seem to be logical enough for me to trust in Christianity 100%.

I can’t say that I have ever been comfortable living with a lot of aspects of the Australian culture. I didn’t understand for example drinking alcohol or having multiple boyfriends. I always felt that there was a lot of pressure and sometimes cried at the thought of ‘growing up’ because of what ‘growing up’ meant in this culture. My family travelled overseas fairly often and I always thought that through travelling I might be able to find a country where I could lead a comfortable life and not feel pressured like I did. After spending 3 weeks in Japan on a student exchange I decided that I wanted to go again for a long-term exchange. In my final year of high school I was accepted to attend a high school in Japan for the following year.

Before I left Australia to spend the year overseas I was going through one of my ‘religious stages’. I often tried to hide these stages from my parents. For some reason I thought that they would laugh at me reading the bible. The night before I flew to Japan my suitcase was packed however I stayed up until my parents had gone to sleep so I could get the bible and pack it too. I didn’t want my parents to know I was taking it.

My year in Japan didn’t end up the most enjoyable experience in my life by any means. I encountered problem after problem. At the time it was difficult. I was 17 years old when I went there and I learned a lot of valuable lessons in that year. One of which was ‘things aren’t always what they seem’. At one stage I felt as though I had lost everything - my Japanese school friends (friends had always been very important to me, even in Australia), my Japanese families, then I received a phone call saying that I was to be sent home to Australia a couple of months early. I had ‘lost everything’ - including the dream that I had held so close for so many years. The night that I received that phone call I got out my bible. I thought that maybe I could find some comfort in it, and I knew that no matter what, God knew the truth about everything that everybody does and that no amount of gossip and lies could change that. I had always believed that hard times were never given to us to ‘stop us’, but to help us grow. With that in mind, I was determined to stay in Japan for the whole year and somehow try and stop the ridiculous rumours. Alhamdulillah I was able to do that.

From that year I came to understand that not only is every culture different, but also they both have good points and bad points. I came to understand that it wasn’t a culture that I was searching for... but something else.

I attended an all girls Buddhist school in Japan. We had a gathering each week where we prayed, sang songs and listened to the principal give us lengthy talks. At first I wasn’t comfortable attending these gatherings. I was given a copy of the songbook along with the beads that you put over your hands when you pray. I tried to get out of going to them at the start, but then decided that I didn’t have to place the same meaning to things as others did. When I prayed, I prayed to the same God that I had always prayed to - the One and Only God. I can’t say that I really understand Buddhism. Whenever I tried to find out more I met with dead ends. I even asked a Japanese man who taught English. He had often been to America and he said that in Japan he was Buddhist, and in American he was Christian. There were some things about Buddhism that I found interesting, but it wasn’t something that I could consider a religion.

In a lot of ways I picked what I liked out of religions and spiritual philosophies and formed what I considered to be my ‘Own Religion’. I collected philosophical quote after quote in high school, read into things such as the Celestine Prophecy and Angels when I returned to Australia, and still held onto the Christian beliefs that made sense to me. I felt like I was continually searching for the truth.

When I returned to Australia from Japan I had grown closer to a girl that I went to high school with. She was always somebody who I considered to be a good friend, but wasn’t in ‘my group of friends’ whom I sat with in class or for lunch. Some of the people in that group I haven’t heard from and haven’t seen since I returned. I realised that this other girl and I had a lot more in common than I had first thought. Maybe this was because I had changed a lot in Japan, or maybe it was because I had learned that being ‘socially acceptable’ and popular wasn’t important because the people that are making those judgements are not always morally correct. I didn’t really care whowas my friend and who wasn’t anymore, but I did care that I was true to myself and refused to change to suit other people. I felt like I had found who I really was by losing everything that I had previously considered important.

The girl that I had grown closer to was Muslim, not that I thought of it at the time. One night we sat in McDonalds, taking advantage of their ‘free refill coffee’ offer and talked about religion, mainly in what way we believed in God. She was the one asking the questions mostly, about how I thought God to ‘be’. I enjoyed the discussion and felt somehow that I might be making some sense to her with my ‘Own Religion’. When we got home she got out the 40 Hadith Qudsi and read them for herself. She read some of them to me, which of course got me interested. I asked to borrow the book from her so I could sit and read them all too, which I did. Reading the book in some ways was frightening. To me, examples of Islam could be found in TV news reports and in books such as ‘Princess’ and ‘Not without my daughter’. Surely, I thought, the Hadith were just a good part of it, but the bad part was there too.

From there I moved back to my university for the start of semester and couldn’t really get books from my friend anymore so I started looking on the Internet. I had already ‘met’ some Muslims on the IRC but I considered them my friends too and that they wouldn’t tell me the ‘truth’ about Islam. I thought that they would only tell me the good parts. I did ask them some questions though and Masha’Allah they were a great help. I still remember asking a Muslim guy whether he believed in angels. Angels were a part of my ‘Own Religion’ and I certainly didn’t believe that a Muslim guy would admit to believing in the existence of Angels!! My limited and ignorant understanding of a Muslim male was one who beat his wife, killed female babies and was a terrorist in his spare time. This sort of person couldn’t possibly believe in angels I thought. Of course I was shocked when he said ‘Of course I believe in angels’. From then I was interested to know what else Muslims believed in.

I often think that I initially continued reading about Islam through the Internet to prove it wrong. I was always looking for that ‘bad part’. Everybody couldn’t have such a bad view of Islam if there was no reason for them to. I had always found a bad or an illogical part to every religion that I had read into. So why would Islam be different? I remember finding an Islamic chat site for the first time and expected to see suppressed females just reading what the males were saying. I expected them not to have an opinion, I expected the ‘typical Muslim girl’ that I had always felt sorry for. To my shock I saw girls happily chatting, with opinions that they were allowed to express.Muslim girls that were somehow more liberated than I felt.

My learning about Islam through the Internet continued through chatting to lots of people and printing out homepage after homepage. The more I learned the more scared I was. I didn’t tell any of my friends that I was reading about Islam, not even my best friend. At first it was because I didn’t want them telling me only the ‘good parts’, and then even when I came to realise that I wasn’t going to find any of the bad parts, I didn’t want them to get their hopes up about me reverting to Islam. I wanted this ‘decision’ to be one that I made on my own - without pressure.

This ‘decision’ that I refer to wasn’t really a decision at all. I am often asked ‘What made you decide to become Muslim?’ but when something as clear and logical as Islam is put in front of you, there is no choice. This is not to say that it made the decision to say Shahadah any easier. There were many things that stopped me at first. Firstly I didn’t think that I knew enough about Islam… but then it didn’t matter because I knew that I would never find anything that was illogical or ‘bad’. I came to realise that saying Shahadah is not the final step, but the first. Insha-Allah throughout my life I will continue to learn. The other thing that made me hesitant was turning the meaning of the word ‘Islam’ from all the bad things that I had linked with it. I always thought that I couldn’t possibly be Muslim!! To then learn that my ‘Own Religion’ and beliefs for example of God beingOne , was actually Islam was hard at first. Islam brought everything together. Everything made sense. To me, finding Islam was like one big bus ride - I had stopped and had a look at all of the stops along the way, taken a bit from all of them, and continued on with the journey. When I found Islam I knew it was the ‘last stop’ of my long ride.

In October of 1997, my best friend came with me for me to say my Shahadah at an Islamic Centre in Melbourne (Jeffcott st). I was still scared at the time, but after one of the sisters going through the articles of faith, and me putting a mental tick next to each of them, I knew that there was nothing left to do but to say it with my mouth. I still cry when I think of the moment that I said ‘Yes.. I’ll do it’. I finally dropped the mental wall that had been stopping me. I was to repeat in Arabic after the sister. With her first word I cried. It is a feeling that I can’t explain. My friend was sitting beside but a little behind me, I didn’t realise it then but she was already crying. I felt so much power around me and in the words, but I myself felt so weak.

Sometimes I think myfamily wonder if this is a phase I am going through, just like my other phases. I was even vegetarian until mum told me what was for dinner that night - a roast. There is still so much for me to learn, but one thing that I would like people to understand is that I know Alhamdulillah that Islam is a blessing for mankind. The more you learn, Insha-Allah, the more beauty you will see in Islam.

Your sister in Islam

Holy Quran 45:20These are clear proofs for men, and a guidance and a mercy for a people who are sure.

Saabirah AbdulHayy

Each single life is a unique, beautiful, gift from the One Who Creates. Insha’Llah, I shall never stop loving to sing the praises of my Creator (swt) and the Road that I’ve travelled and continue to travel until breath leaves this body. I was born Muslim, AlHumduli’Llah although I never knew that as I was raised Catholic Christian. There have been many trials with only one answer even when I didn’t know the question.

There has been One Constant in my life and it is the Source of All...Allah (swt). Sometimes, that never-ending, “God, where are you?” caused difficulties, especially when I was growing up. Mother used to say (and still does) “Go to church once a week, say your prayers and then cut it out with all of your “God Stuff!” For me, that would have been like cutting off a limb. I have been a bit ill since 12 years old in that I’ve had epilepsy, which was difficult to control. I was married at age 22, had a child, and because of seizures, I was heavily medicated and seem to have lost 11 years of my life/memories. I recall my daughter at the age of 5 and then...she was 16. I became ill with pneumonia and in one day my lungs collapsed, liver failed and I slipped into a comatose state. The doctors resuscitated me and used life support for sustenance. My family was told that I would most likely live for not more than 3 days. AlHumduli’Llah, I didn’t know that I was “supposed to die” and one day I woke up!

My life took a turn. I worked as an office manager for a few years. When I was laid off, I went on retreat to seek Guidance and again asked God, “Where areYou ?” The official reason for the retreat was a passage from the Bible: “Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. When I left for that retreat, I made a “bargain with God.” I asked for His Guidance and in turn promised that after 10 days of prayer, I would return home to find God’s Will for me “in the mailbox!” Well, Allah (swt) came through and I found one letter about a pilgrimage to Israel. In Israel, I discovered Arabs and Muslims. “The Road Less Travelled” opened up to me and I was happy to walk it. After that first 10-day pilgrimage I returned to Israel by myself for what I believed would be 28 days for a time of prayer, searching, and coming to a better understanding of God and me. When the airplane landed I walked through Ben Gurion airport pushing my luggage in a trolley, wondering what would happen to me... alone in the Middle East! A very beautiful world opened up to me as I looked out at the desert, palm trees and people speaking strange languages...Hebrew and Arabic, neither of which I understood at all.

The trip from Ben Gurion Airport to Jerusalem was my very first experience of being totally on my own. The brilliant blue skies and gentle breezes spelled out “home” to me. After one day in Jerusalem I was off to Mt. Tabor for 11 days. My 40th birthday was on the exact same day as the 50th anniversary of the ordination of one of the Franciscan friars and the banquet and fireworks that were planned for that day were for us both! Looking out over the desert and across to Mt. Hermon was my morning activity. The sheep and goats with their bells meandered up the side of Mt. Tabor. Birds tweeted and sang their morning songs as the sun rose. It was summer and everything was in bloom. Flower petals marked the pages of my prayer books and journals instead of bookmarks. I cannot properly explain what it was and what was going on in me, but again, I felt as though “something” was calling.

After Mt. Tabor and the Church of the Transfiguration, I went down to Mt. Carmel. Ahh...the Mediterranean filling the horizon with such a blue/green! I lived in the Monastery of St. Terese with the Carmelite Sisters and Friars. I was a secular Discalced Carmelite at the time. It was our obligation to pray five times every day the “Liturgy of the Hours,” which is mainly the Psalms and a ritual standing and bowing... much like making Salaat. So, we rose with the sun. I wondered at the marvels and questions that were filling every piece of me. I was there for the feasts of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and 3 days later, the feast of St. Elijah. The cave of Elijah is in the side of the mount overlooking the ocean. Jews and Muslims came for a week camping out in the huge yard in front of the monastery. Every year there is a great celebration for the Feast of Elijah the Prophet who fought the people of Baal, right there on Mt. Carmel. The Temple of Baal is still there almost next door to the Carmelite Monastery. The time on Mt. Carmel was like a dream and when my two weeks there was up I didn’t know what to do. I called to the US and they said, “You sound as though you want to stay, whydon’t you change your ticket?” Well, they didn’t have to say it twice!

Going to Jerusalem was scary. I didn’t know the city and I’d yet to find my way around the small alleyways of the Old City (Al-Quds). There was a favourite spot at the coffee shop at the Notre Dame Center. I’d sit there and look out over the Old City’s minarets and steeples. The Dome of the Rock filled my gaze...so beautiful! After the 4 days that were reserved for me in the hotel I had to “hit the streets” in search of a new place to lay my head. The winding alleyways of al-Quds were like a labyrinth. I knew of one little house that was run by the Arab Rosary Sisters and went there pulling all of my belongings. The little Arab Sister said, “Sorry, we don’t have any room but you can leave your luggage while you go to look around the city.” So, I was off on the very old stone streets with the wall of al-Quds always on one side of me. As darkness began to fall and there was nowhere to sleep I recalled the words of the Psalm, “Though an army surround me, I shall not fear for Thou art with me.” I had lost my luggage and couldn’t find my way back to the morning’s house! Trudging down the dusty street I saw a familiar door built into the walls. It was strange in that it was open with night approaching. An Arab nun looked out as I was about to pass by and said, “Aren’t you Sabina? Someone told me that you were here in the morning. Come in, we have a place for you!” What a shock! Thus began the next months of communal meals with other travellers (who turned into “Jerusalem friends” over the next 7 years), hand washing clothes and singing as we hung them on the roof to dry, bargaining in the souq, and travelling the city in an attempt to soak in it’s glory.

My roommate Lena was Swedish. She worked at the Gaza Community Mental Health Program on weekends and was studying Arabic. That was where I learned of the plight of the Palestinians and first decided to plunge myself into the Arabic language. When my Visa ran out it was a teary “goodbye” and long flight back to the US. After a little while, I found myself back in al-Quds...my home. Money was tight so it was time to live life poorly in my beloved al-Quds. I learned every face, every smile, every shop’s owner and the merchants in the souq. I was known as “the woman with the beautiful dress” for the lovely Bedouin jalabiyya that I wore. Also, I was known as “the hard woman” because I’d learned to “bargain with the best of them!” I lived in a hostel (50 cents a night) and met Ismael who would become my teacher for writing Arabic. I didn’t know it at the time but the words that Ismael was teaching me to write were things like “ism” or “Malik” “al-ard.” He said, “Sabina, the best way to learn the Arabic language is with the Qur’an.”

I didn’t know what the Qur’an was! I had very little exposure to Islam. Ismael always said, “Sabina your Faith is beautiful and you love God. Don’t let anyone hurt that... only God isOne .” “Do not forget Sabina... God isOne .”

Things changed a bit. I was living inside the Walls of the Old City. My little room looked like a cave made from stone with a vaulted roof. Winters were freezing cold and wet. Spring cloaked the country in colors, summer was sweltering hot, and the fall was a less colorful version of spring. One year, a Carmelite priest that I knew took me to the Monastery of the Discalced Carmelite nuns on the Mount of Olives just there at the Grotto of the Pater Noster. I was already a member of a Catholic Discalced Carmelite community but thought to enter the monastery in Palestine/Israel. Life in the monastery was beautiful.

The olive grove just out the window of my cell was huge with olive trees, grape vines, pomegranate bushes, fig trees, plum trees and a vegetable garden. Life was lived around the bells. We prayed every day, 5 times a day, and in the summer we prayed at the same times that the Adhan was calling Muslims to prayer. That was a very prayerful, solitary and thoughtful life. It afforded me much peace and lots of time for quiet thought. While in the monastery I wondered about God. I was overshadowed by a different and powerful Transcendence...I thought, “Where is God?” Now I know that He (swt) never left me for even a split second, Masha’Llah. Life in the monastery was typical of any other nun but I sensed there that my life needed to be out on the streets in the world. When I left the monastery it was a sad day but also the first day of the rest of my life. I went down to Jerusalem on Yom Kippur.After a short visit back to the US, I returned to al-Quds again...”for the rest of my life.”

The last stage of life in al-Quds I worked at the Syrian Catholic Patriarchate in East Jerusalem’s Muslim neighbourhood. The Syrian/Arab Christians are very suspicious of Muslims and I was told to make sure that all doors and windows were securely locked by nightfall because “they (Muslim neighbours) will sneak in and cut our throats while we sleep!” At that time I was working very hard doing manual work. I was the “foolish American” since I was not in the least afraid of Muslims; they were my friends. I was the one who cared for the Muslim women and children that came to our guesthouse. I also cleaned lots of bathrooms in the house, washed floors, and scrubbed the endless stairs on my hands and knees at least once a weekIn all there were 16 flights of stairs. I must have hung goodness knows how many sheets on the rooftop every morning. I liked going up on the roof just after waking to pray. Every morning at about 4:30 I went up to the roof and looked out over the Old City. My beloved Jerusalem! The Dome of the Rock is a sight that will live in my heart forever! I had been learning to write Arabic and copied everything that I saw.

One day I saw something on the wall of a coffee shop and it captivated me. I copied it. It was so beautiful that my fingers learned to write it without stopping at all. Every morning I used the tip of my finger to “write” the words in the blue sky. Soon, I asked Muslim friends what it was that I was writing and they told me, “That is a Surah, Surat al-Falaq.” A dear friend, Kamil, suggested that I go down into the souq and get a copy of the Qur’an, so I did.

The first thing that I looked for was Al-Falaq, and I read, “In the Name of God, the Merciful,the Compassionate. All of Creation seeks refuge in the Lord of the Daybreak”...just as I had been writing with my finger in the sky! “From the evil which He has created”...and I thought of the soldiers that patrolled Jerusalem. “And from the evil of the darkness when it descends”...was this my Muslim friends who would “sneak in and slit our throats”?!the riots in the streets and the sounds of the dark. “And from the evil of those who practice witchcraft, and from the evil of the envier when he envies”...the envious...what did I have to envy? Little did I know of the Gifts that Allah (swt) was showering on littleme.

The days were beautiful after the work was done but because of the harsh chemicals that I had to use my feet and hands were callused and raw. The dry skin finally cracked leaving my hands bleeding when used very much. If I stood still in one place for too long my feet would become numb so that when beginning to walk it was agony. Sandals were permanently bloodstained from walking and irritating the cracks. I noticed that shop owners and produce vendors were avoiding me. I looked like a leper and a darned skinny one at that. The only thing that helped forget the pain was to look at the children and walk the narrow streets of the souq...up to the top of the Mt. of Olives...out to Ein Karim to sit up on the cliff overlooking the wadi...Nazareth and the Galilee! Tiberius and a boat trip across the Sea of Galilee to the Mount of Beatitudes!The Dead Sea where I went to swim. Gorgeous! Well...life was tough and life was beautiful. After going to Mass every evening I walked home to the patriarchate down the same dusty roads.

One evening as I walked in excruciating pain I talked to God. “My God, areYou there? DoYou really exist? I don’t know if I’m a Jew, Christian or Muslim or Atheist! My God...ifYou are there, I’m throwing everything that I’ve ever knew of You right here in this gutter. You have to teach me because I sense something but don’t know what it is!” With that I looked up at the sun setting over the golden Dome of the Rock...ah, Ya Allah! As I walked home I cried. It felt as though I had just attempted spiritual suicide and was falling off of the top of a cliff into a black abyss. I could feel myself “dropping” and knew that I would either land in the pits of Hell or...or...God could save me! My thoughts were that God is One...He transcends whatever anyone I’d heard had said. “Please God, Ya Allah take me!” was all that I could think.

After that I became ill. The Syrian Catholics were “not nice.” One day I was told to leave by afternoon...no more work. By evening I was back on the street pulling some luggage with me, some stored at a little house in the courtyard, and nowhere to sleep. Eventually I found a room in a hostel in East Jerusalem. After a few weeks my body froze up due to the lupus condition. The American Embassy made emergency arrangements to fly me back to the US to find some doctors. It was probably the saddest thing that could have happened. Just before I left I went back to the Notre Dame and had my usual cappuccino on the terrace with its beautiful view of the City. Sitting there I knew that it was a brief period that I would remember for the rest of my life. I looked out over the City at the Dome of the Rock with the Mt. of Olives rising behind it and prayed, “My God…Please do not let me die until I once again see al-Quds. My God, let Jerusalem live always in my heart.” I have never taken a photograph of al-Quds yet I can see it still.

When I returned to the US, after a while of being sick and unable to move, I got better, went to work and continued bumping up against the thoughts and feelings of Jerusalem. God was there in my life...and God was One, Al Quyyoom, the Transcendent. I missed hearing the Adhans echoing in the streets of Jerusalem...”Allahu Akbar…Allahu Akbar.” I missed the little children running to me calling, “Sabria, Sabria!” I missed my Muslim friends and I wondered, “Where is Allah?”

One morning just before work I was compelled to stand in my kitchen and asked Allah to be my witness as I said, “AshHadu ana La Illaha Illa Allahwa AshaHadu ana Muhammad Nabi waRasuulu.” I read al-Fatiha and al-Falaq and walked out my door in tears, overjoyed at the thought “I am Muslim! Allahu Akbar! My name had changed from Sabina or Sabria to Saabirah... the Patient one.Subhan Allah.

Salaamu Alaikum waRahmatulluh waBarakatuhu.

Holy Quran 48:28 He it isWho sent His Apostle with the guidance and the true religion that He may make it prevail over all the religions; and Allah (swt) is enough for a witness.


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