Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

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The Family in Islam

Author:Ayatullah Seyyed MuhammadShirazi

Translator (s): Ali Adam

Publisher (s):Yasin Publications

www.alhassanain.org/english

Notice:

This versionis published on behalf of www.alhassanain.org/english

The composing errorsare not corrected .

Table of Contents

Translator’s Foreword 6

Publisher’s Foreword 8

Author’s Introduction 9

Part One: The Law of Matrimony 11

The Law of Matrimony in Creation 11

In the Vegetable World 12

In the Animal World 12

The Law of Pairs in Human Civilisations 12

1. The Civilisation of the Mesopotamia 12

2. Ancient Egyptian Civilisation 13

3. European Civilisations 13

4. The Civilisation of the American Continent 13

5. The Civilisation of Ancient Japan 14

6. Among Pre-Islamic Arabs 14

Marital Relationships in the Major Religions 15

1. The Jewish Religion 15

2. The Christian Religion 15

3. In the Religion of Zoroaster 15

4. Buddhism 16

5. Confucianism 16

Conclusion 16

Marriage in Materialistic Societies 16

Part Two: The Call of Nature 18

Marriage as a Necessity 18

Early Marriage 18

Simplicity of Dowry 19

The Parents’ House 20

Simplicity of Requirements 20

Part Three: The Married Couple: Conditions, Rights, and Customs 22

Religion and Morals 22

Means of Subsistence 22

Equality 23

Abolition of Conditions 23

The Couple's Happiness 24

Idolatry of Traditions 24

The Rights of the Married Couple 25

Part Four: Islam's Word on the New Born Child 26

The Fruit of Marriage 26

The Importance of Health 26

Suckling 27

Upbringing and Protection 27

The Bond of Kinship 28

Virtues and Non-violence 29

Part Five: Problems and Safeguards Towards Maintaining Harmony 30

The Happy Household 30

Work Within the Household 31

Part Six: Challenges Facing the Family and Society 32

Divorce Yesterday and Today 32

Conciliation is Best 32

Polygamy - A Spurious Crisis 33

The Crisis of Celibacy 35

Herein Lies the Catastrophe 38

Part Seven: The Role of Institutions 39

Marriage Agency 39

In Democratic States 40

Facilitation and Substitution 41

The Public Treasury 42

Conclusion 43

Part Eight: Marriage and Sex Etiquette 45

Etiquette of The Wedding Night 45

(A) Dates and times when lovemaking is Makruh (undesirable) 46

(B) Dates and times when lovemaking is Mustahab (desirable) 47

Other hadith on when/where lovemaking is Makruh 49

Sexual Satisfaction 49

Reference 50

Notes 51

Translator’s Foreword 51

Notes on the Book 51

Translator’s Foreword

Family life and related issues such as marriage, divorce, parenthood, underagepregnancy and abortion are areas of great discussion and dispute in the ‘western’ world today.

The facts emanating from various societies in the ‘developed’ world show that the current state of affairs is unsustainable and illogical and will inevitably result in the decline and self-destruction of these societies. A prime and oft-quoted1 example of this is Italy where,being a Catholic country, one would expect the birth rate to be high. However with a reproduction rate of only 1.3 children per couple it is clear that the population is not being sustained or replaced and is dwindling. It requires a live reproduction rate of at least 2.0 children per couple to maintain population levels each generation.

This story is repeated throughout the European Union where the Republic of Ireland despite also experiencing a sharp drop in the ‘fertility’ rate is the only country where rates are at ‘generation replacement level’.2 At these rates, Italy’s abortion statistics at around 150,000 per year3 seem an unaffordable luxury as they do in the other countries of the EU. The use of the term ‘fertility rate’ according to these statistics also appears to be a little disingenuous, as it does not take into account the number of terminations each year. The number of live births per woman is not a valid reflection of true fertility, because a conception subsequently terminatedcan also be regarded as a statistic of fertility.

The killing of childrenis deemed wrong in the Qur’an and hence in Islam:

‘And kill not your children for fear ofwant, We will sustain them and you. Indeed, the killing of your children is a great sin.’4 In many places in the Qur’an also, evidence is brought that previous nations and generations were brought down by their sinning:

‘Do they not travel through the earth and see whatwas the End of those before them ? They were even superior to them in strength and in the traces (they have left) in the land: but Allah did call them to account for their sins, and none had they to defend them against Allah.5

Hence we can see that the concept of sin is not just an abstraction with no relevance or effect in the real world but it is a way to the downfall of human society.

One man who has witnessed such a downfall in his own beloved society is Grand Ayatollah Imam MuhammadShirazi , a prolific religious scholar and authority now living in Iran. In his book Our Life of Half a Century Ago written in Arabic and yet to be translated, he describes the ease,simplicity and purity of Islamic life in ‘Iraq – particularly the cities of Najaf and Karbala – 50 years ago. He then tells of a gradual decline and erosion of basic Islamic tenets on a societal level and the adoption of eastern and westernsecularisation . This experience has lead to the maintheme which runs through virtually all of ImamShirazi’s books namely a call for the gradual reinstitution of Islamic tenets, laws, principles, and commandments in all areas of life – legal, economic, political, social, and spiritual.

The Family in Islam is one such book of ImamShirazi’s . Init he highlights the problems he sees primarily in Islamic societies today from the phenomenon of unmarried young men and women through to birth control and contraception. He calls for a return to the simplicity he experienced in his youth and draws our attention to the Islamic teachings and laws in this vital area of life. As well as being a call to the Muslim world to revert to the true teachings of the Qur’an and the Prophet and Imams, this book can also be of use as an introduction to others who seek some answers to the social problems of today. Islam has detailed teachings, which promise success in every area of human life on individual and societal levels, andwhat’s more their practicality has been historically proven despite being under constant attack from the outset until the present day.

It was not so long ago that Islam was berated for allowing divorce, which is religiously permitted and spoken about ingreat detail in the Qur’an, yet now it has been adopted by the very societies that formerly forbade it.However picking and choosing Islamic teachings to suit fashion or whims is not the key to success. Rather the key to success is to implement the Islamic ideology in all areas of life by following God’s guidance formankind.

‘They follow guidance from their Lord and they are the ones who will prosper.’6

Publisher’s Foreword

The family is the very core of society. As it declines so falls society. As it ascends so ascends society.

From this precept, comes the importance placed by the divine religions upon the family, as well as the importance placed by deviant philosophies on the notion of the non-essentiality of the family, because the disappearance of the family means the disappearance of a virtuous society.

To destroy is easier than to build. The pickaxes of Freemasonry, Marxism, Existentialism,Sartreism , and Nihilistic philosophies have swung into action to reduce the edifice of human society to rubble. Through this demolition they have reaped great returns,and have achieved a victory over high morals, and have succeeded in driving European man towards perdition. These destructive elements have now arrived in Islamic societies, spreading instability and disintegration aimed at destroying the family structure whereas Islam stands in direct opposition to these ideologies. For Islam strives to provide a firm support for the family, to build a family, which is stable, calm and has a goal and direction. This is what every human being looking for happiness in life is searching for, and it cannot be achieved save through early marriage and through a close relationship with the partner and the children in an atmosphere of virtue, faith, truth, andself sacrifice . This can only berealised through simplicity and by the castingoff of obsolete fetters and false traditions, for the pure family begets a pure generation, an upright generation, a generation which carries the community forward to progress and fruition.

This is the basis of ImamShirazi’s valuable effort in which he puts forward ideas and solutions to the problems of society. He deals with human society in its widest sense and studies contemporary topics such as the growth of thefamily and discusses views promoting the limiting of offspring and explains the Islamic position regarding this notion and other related ideas. Furthermore, he tackles certain modern problems faced by the principle of marriage and offers solutions to these problems, proposing a socialprogramme to solve thisonce and for all in so far as the phenomenon of celibacy will disappear from Islamic societies. Despite the brevity of this book, it contains important ideas coming from a man well known in Islamic circles as a source of religious knowledge and for his important services to society and as the contributor of hundreds of books to the library of Islam. His ideas are important because they spring from an understanding of history and from long experience in the field of social work. He does not propound the religious view alone but marries it with historical understanding and practical experience.

Author’s Introduction

‘The family in Islam’ is the name of this short book, which I have written as a basic guide to an important aspect of life, which the laws of the West in Islamic countries have worked at destroying and continue to do so.I have witnessed from beginning to end a half-century of family matters and what I see latterly bears little or no resemblance to what I saw formerly.With the adoption by Muslims of Western laws, both their religion and their worldly life have disappeared, as Allah says in His book the Qur’an: ‘They lose both this world and the next: That is indeed the manifest loss.’1 Many Muslims, and not least their governments, have welcomed the West and lapped up its laws thinking that this was a path to liberation from the tyranny of the Ottoman andQajar empires whose flawed Islam and complete isolation after the fall of their governments towards the West have been witnessed. They bring to mind the words of the poet:

‘He who seeks refuge in ‘Amr on being tortured is like one seeking refuge in fire from the burning sun’.

‘I complained about ‘Amr and when I left him and found otherneighbours I wept for ‘Amr ’.

There is no doubt that the Ottoman andQajar empires acted out with the range of Islam and for thisreason, the countries of Islam fell under the control of the West and the East.But there is also no doubt that the parable for Muslims in this respect became the example of theUmmayads and the Abbasids, as the poet also says: ‘Ah would that the tyranny of the sons of Marwan2 return to us, And would that the justice of the sons of ‘Abbas3 never was’.

Muslims had thus become an embodiment of one who has ‘forgotten both the paths'. For they were, under theUmmayads and the ‘Abbasids, diminished in matters of religion and of earthly life, but under the auspices of the West and the East, they were, except in a very few circumstances, completely bereft of both spheres. Allah alone knows how much we can bear of oppression and repression and deviation from His laws until the correct Islamic situation returns to us. However, we shouldrealise that this return is not possible without awareness.By awareness we mean awareness of the laws of Islam, from the notion of ‘a single community without geographical borders’, through to fraternity whereby every Muslim in any province of Islam is treated in all his affairs as if he is from that province, and freedom, wherebyevery thing is free except that which is prescribed as illegal, through to all the other vital Islamic laws soprofusive in number.

Each law in Islam is a vital entity promoting life, as theQur’anic verse says: 'Respond to Allah and His messenger when He calls you to that which will enliven you'.4

This awareness, however, will only occur when Muslims have come together inorganisations and political parties and groups whereby they will be in a state of utmost realism and direction, integrity and moral rectitude.Thus Allah may surround Muslims with His kindness and salvage them from this abyss the like of which they have not fallen into from the first light of Islam until this century. This is because Allah only conducts affairs by providing the ways and means to them. As He says in His book in the story of ‘Dhul-Qarnain5 ’,repeatedly: ‘Then he followed a way'6 , or as happened to the people of Israel when they went against His commands, He made them wander in the wilderness for forty years. Theaforesaid requires continuous effort and enduring patience. Do we not see that theKhums tax, given its importance, is only mentioned in the Qur’an once7 , while the word ‘perseverance’ and its derivatives are mentioned seventytimes. In thehadith or tradition of theprophet it is said: “As a part of faith, patience has the station of the head in relation to the body. Just as there is no good in a body without a head, there is no good in a faith that is not accompanied by patience”.

If then we work towards this and call upon Allah night and day, then itis hoped that the greatness of Muslims will be returned to them along with their independence and autonomy. Allah alone grants success and is the sole refuge.

The Holy City of Qum,

MuhammadShirazi

8thJamadi -II, 1415Hijra .

Part One: The Law of Matrimony

In Creation, InCivilisations and In Religions God8 has said in his masterful book: 'And of everything we have created pairs so that you might take notice'.9 The law of pairs is so deeply intrinsic to created objects that one does not find any atom or galaxy or anything smaller or larger than these that is not subject to this law.

If one looks to creation in all its vastness and what it holds, from stars and planets, air and water, trees and rocks, to animals and humans, one cannot but concede as to the integrated perfection of this system in so far as each one complements and perfects the other. Each proceeds according to a precise and balanced system which is only violated and traversed by humankind who were given by God the responsibility of administering themselves after having been sent messengers and having had the limits ofbehaviour laid out and the laws made clear.

Mankind then took up this responsibility but did not carry it out, as it should be - excepting God’s faithful servants - at times falling into oppressiveness, at other times into ignorance. In the Qur’an Allah states:

'We did indeed offer trusteeship to the heavens and the earth and the mountains but they refused to take it being afraid thereof.But man undertook it, though he is unjust and ignorant'.10 If one leafs through the pages of human history, over and above the instructions of religion, onerealises that the family system, procreation, the avoidance of inbreeding, the avoidance of marital infidelity, instability and abuse are matters of human nature and psyche ('Thefitra (intrinsic nature) of Allah upon which He has created the people.'11 ). Even amongstprimitives and pagans and those who did not observe any law, from time to time their inherent nature would shudder and would manifest itself in some form of law or in the form of customs and traditions. It is no delusion that we turn to custom and tradition to prove this, nor indeed to divine law which corresponds to inherent human nature, for all that the divine law rules necessary so does the intellect, and vice versa.

The concordance and mutual agreement of humanity over a certain matter, despite their diverse nations,civilisations and religions, points to the deep-rootedness of that matter in the human psyche. In this section, we will review in brief the findings of naturalists and anthropologists as well as the religious view in this field.

The Law of Matrimony in Creation

This vast creation from the smallest atom to the largest galaxy comprises of tribes and peoples based upon the system of pairs.

Every elementis formed from atoms, and every atom is composed of negative electron and positive proton. The occurrence of any imbalance in the ratios and equilibrium of these charges will result in the instability of the atom, and the atom will then try to return to a stable state by discharging a formidable energy known as atomic energy.Likewise in creation there are two complementing forces - magnetism and electricity - neither of which can exist without the other. Then magnetism is composed of two polarities - north and south - and electricity of two charges - positive and negative - according to scientists.

In the Vegetable World

Allah has said in the Qur'an: 'All praise to He who has created all the pairs, of which grow in the earth, and of yourselves, and of that which you have no knowledge.'12 Every plant contains a masculine and feminine member, which upon their maturity pollination occurs and then fruition. Granted there are types of plants and trees which do not need this depth and complexity but they are like humans who have two independent members, which co-operate mutually in order to produce fruition, as is the case with the palm tree and papaya tree and others.

In the Animal World

Animals whether quadrupeds, bipeds or reptiles, amphibians, fish orbirds, are subject to the law of pairs. He (Allah) has said: 'Originator of the heavens and the earth has made out ofyourselves pairs and of the beasts pairs . '13 So they strive, because of the forces placed within them, to procreate and multiply and to preserve their species. Mothers extend affection to their offspring after birth orhatching and prepare the appropriate environment for their growth and development and defend them with their lives against the dangers, which surround them.

The Law of Pairs in HumanCivilisations

There is no doubt that there are differences between humans and other creatures. Humans have a certain freedom of choice and will whereas animals are driven and determined. There is also no doubt that there is a difference among peopleswith regards to systems and laws to an extent, which at times is contradictory and incompatible.However it is not right that we take this difference as being the most fitting expression of the matrimonial system.

Indeed, this synopsis does not hold true for all areas of the nature of the family, so we will concern ourselves to the areas upon which peoples havebeen in agreement from the earliest times ascivilisations and peoples. This will no doubtfulfil our purpose.Particularly regarding marriage and childbearing, libertinism, and the system of rights.

In the following pages, we will deal with matrimonial laws from the earliest times until the present day.

1. TheCivilisation of the Mesopotamia

Matrimony was deemedto be greatly important in the Sumeriancivilisation where they promoted marriage and repudiated celibacy.Marital infidelity was regarded by them as a crime punishable in detailed laws by death. The two adulterers if there were witnesses to the crimewould be bound and thrown into water to drown, and if there were no witnesses then the woman could exonerate herself by an oath.

Amongst the Assyrians, the matter was much the same where marital fidelity was compulsory and infidelity was punishableeither by death to both parties by drowning, or by them being whipped, or by their hair being torn out, or by the amputation of the ears.

The Assyrians also called for a high birth rate in moral laws in which they considered abortion a serious crime punishable by execution. They considered a beating, which led to abortion as a crime punishable by fifty lashes, forcedlabour and in some cases execution.

The Babylonians specified more than sixty rules regarding the preservation of the family and stressed the seriousness of adultery and the implementation of punishment by drowning for the perpetrator.14

2. Ancient EgyptianCivilisation

Ancient Egyptian texts afforded marriage a high importance. Adulterywas forbidden and its perpetrator was threatened with the most violent punishments, according to historians. The unfaithful husbandwould be subjected to flogging and the unfaithful wife would be subjected to the amputation of the nose. Adultery was one of the pretexts for divorce among them without distinction between the man and the woman.

In thecivilisation of Osiris, dead persons used to bear with them to their graves a document testifying to their probity and fidelity in order to obtain mercy in the afterlife.

3. EuropeanCivilisations

In Sparta, celibacy was a crime in which the bachelor forfeited the right to vote and to watch public spectacles and so on.

In Rome, celibacy was forbidden and considered a state in contravention of their religion punishable by beating or flogging with regard to the age of the individual15 , and by increasing taxes and forbidding them from inheritance unless they married within 100 days of the death of the legator.16 They regarded adultery as a grave offence punishable by death or by banishment from the country for life.

The punishment for one who caused the abortion of a pregnant woman was banishment or the confiscation of his property.

They laid down the so called Julian17 law specifically for marriage aimed at making marriage common and calling for a high birth rate and a reduction in taxes in relation to the number of offspring up to the number of three children, when taxes would be lifted completely just as bonds would be lifted from any woman who had given birth to three children.

Constantine made adultery punishable by death, and any suchdishonour during the age of Augustinian was punishable by execution or confiscation of possessions.

4. TheCivilisation of the American Continent

In the Azteccivilisation , in Central America adultery was a sin whose punishment was death by strangulation and then stoning without distinction between man and woman.

In thecivilisation of the Incas in the Andes, marriage wascompulsory and celibacy was forbidden and there used to be an observer from the Incas who would roam the villages and the countryside to make sure that celibates would marry.

5. TheCivilisation of Ancient Japan

In Ancient Japan, womenwere known for marital fidelity or faced death. If a husband came upon his wife in flagrantedelicto , it was his right to kill her and her lover on the spot. Certain of their leaders have added that if a husband has killed his wife in these circumstances and let the other man go free then he himself deserves the punishment of death.

Even the sect of the Samurai who insisted upon remaining without marrying until the age of thirty made it incumbent uponthemselves to marry and produce at least two children.

Chastity was a great virtueamong the Japanese so that some women would even kill themselves when their virtue was exposed to danger.

6.Among Pre-Islamic Arabs

The Arabs concerned themselves with lineage and descent, and this interest drove them to such depths and precision in theorganisation of the family and the tribes and peoples that it became to them an art and a science.18

They used to encourage early marriage beginning with age sixteen for men and twelve or less for girls so if a girl reached eighteen or twenty without marriage, she would be viewed with concern. The veil was widespread in the various Arab lands in many forms just as the custom of circumcision was widespread even for girls.

They used to forbid marriage to close relatives and fornication was regarded as a sin, which if they were able to punish it, did so with severe punishments.19 In certain circumstances, the adulteress would be separated and isolated in the house and would remain in this way un-married until death.

Marital Relationships in the Major Religions

Allah says in the Qur’an in prohibition of adultery: ‘Verily it is a vulgarity and a vileness and an evil path to follow’.20 The use of the expression vulgarity, together with the particular past tense verb in Arabic (Kaana ) gives the command an eternal and static quality with reference to God’s abstraction from time and the singularity of his law in creation, a notion which is not confined solely to Islam but is present in the remainder of the religions, because religion is one in the realm of God, just as the inherent nature of creation is one.

So when we examine the sayings of many religions, we do so with the premise that they support that, which preceded and succeeded them in the field of rational knowledge and traditions and inherent nature and not with the premise that they are a proof and an original source.21

1. The Jewish Religion

Jewish texts affirm the impropriety of bachelorhood considering it a sin and making marriage necessary after the age of twenty.Abortion and infanticide and methods of contraception are also considered a crime and acts of unbelief.

Any woman or wife perpetrating adultery would warrant stoning and the rapist of any married womanwould be killed . The rapist of a virgin girl would have to pay a monetary fine and take heras a wife for life for his ill act towards her and those caught in the act of adultery would be killed together.

Anyone slandering a married person without proof would be subject to a fine and punishment.

2. The Christian Religion

In this matter, the Christian religion does not differ from the Jewish religion because Christ came confirming what was in the Torah.22 Hence Christianity prohibited abortion and placed it on a level with premeditated murder. In the same way, homosexualitywas prohibited in the strongest possible terms.

The revolution of morals, which Jesus instigated, was in reality a war against the distortion (of religious texts), dissolution, and degeneracy among the people of Israel.

In theGospels it says: 'You have heard it said: do not commit adultery.But I say whosoever looks to a woman he desires has committed adultery in his heart, and when your right eye calls you to sin, then pluck it out and throw it from you. For it is better for you to destroy one of your organs than for all of your body to go to Hell'23 . 'It is said that whosoever divorces a woman; let him give her a document of divorce. But I say that whosoever divorces a woman other than in the case of fornication has exposed her to the possibility of adultery'.24

3.In the Religion of Zoroaster

This religion encouraged marriage and building a family and bearing children. In one of its texts it says that 'the married man is greatly preferable to the bachelor and he who supports a family is much morefavoured than he who has no family, and he who has children is even morefavourable than that.'25

Elsewhere it says that 'every time the number of children of a man increases, his closeness to his Lord increases.'26 Parents used toorganise the marital affairs of those of their children who had reached the age of adolescence, it not being acceptable for a man to remain unmarried.Also any occupation or work which would distance the individual from the family was unacceptable. Among them, divorcewas not approved of except in the case of barrenness, or adultery, or infidelity to the state of married life. Amongst their laws was the prohibition of masturbation, whichcould be punished by flogging. The consequences forone who committed adultery, or homosexuality, or lesbianism, was death. Likewise, the punishment for abortion among them was execution.

4. Buddhism

In Buddhism, the punishment for anadulteress was to be publicly thrown as prey to the dogs. As for her partner in the crime, hewould be roasted alive on a red-hot bed of steel. Looking at a woman with desire decreased ones vows and the lustful glance stripped one of one'sintellect .

5. Confucianism

The ancient Chinese considered the holding back of a man from marriage to be a character deficit and a crime against the ancestors and thestate which could not be excused, even for religious men. They used to delegate a special official whose work was to make sure that every man of age thirty was married and that every woman was married before the age of twenty.

One of the sayings of Confucius says 'if a house stands on a firm foundation then the world is safe and sound'.

Conclusion

After that brief summary of the family system among variouscivilisations and religions, it is clear that all of humanity agrees upon the call for marriage and procreation as an extension of the human species, and upon the impropriety of the unmarried state and the unlawfulness of fornicationand infidelity etc . This concord from the peoples of humanity shows its truthfulness and intrinsic naturalness. Islam, obviously, does not accept a great number of the rules and punishments of these ways of life andcivilisations , but our concern is the whole picture and the points of concord only.

Marriage in Materialistic Societies

Despite the obvious harmony of human nature regarding the establishment of the family and married life, and that there is no structure to the human species without this establishment and the fortification of its elements, one can observe certain voices calling for that which goes against the current of intrinsic human nature, and denies this law of existence, and so just as disrespect towards and neglect of the law of the atom has occurred, so mockery is made of the existence of the family. Whilst the system of the universe has its own direct and natural reaction through radioactivity, the family and society despite its not having a direct and instantaneous natural reaction27 , has a greater and more severe effect after the passage and elapse of time.

Among the most important of the slogans, which have gone outside the law of nature,are those said by Marx, Freud, and Durkheim .

Freud made the sexual impulse the basic factor in the development ofmankind, while Marx considered it to be Economics, and Durkheim went for the social factor. The proof of the invalidity of these philosophies isfirst and foremost that they are mutually contradicting in addition to the fact that the pressures which surrounded society helped to create them. The severe pressure which society faced from those who called themselvesreligion, and the grave contradiction that appeared between the words and deeds of the religious authorities is but one example. Another example is the imposition of legalcodes which go against human nature like the church's prohibition of divorce, and the inquisition and extreme quelling of any opposition together with the social gulf between the elite and nobility and the poor and miserable. All these matters have fuelledthese philosophies.28

PartTwo : The Call of Nature

Marriage as a Necessity

Marriage is a vital necessity. The survival of the species depends upon it and the survival of any organism is an intellectual necessity.Hence the world’s intelligentsia try to prevent the extinction of a particular organism.So what of humanity? The Qur'an states: 'But when he turns his back, his aim everywhere is to spread mischief in the land and to destroy crops and progeny, but Allah loves not mischief'.30

In the matter of destroyingprogeny there is no difference between active destruction and passive destruction.Qur'anic verses and prophetic traditions stress marriage as being mandatory for the common good and recommended for the individual good.

This is from one angle. From another, were it not for marriage, humanity would suffer from some extremely harmful diseases, as medical science has proven, and the avoidance of any possible harm is mandatoryboth from a religious and an intellectual point of view.From another angle again, a person to deny himself, in moderation, of the good things in life is also intellectually and religiously wrong as the story of ‘Ala shows in 'Nahj al-Balagha'.31 In a well-known case, the Prophet himself stopped a man who had vowed to abstain (from all the good things in life including marriage) by the saying ‘There is to be no monasticism in Islam’.32 It may be argued that theQur'anic verse: 'The monasticism which they innovated was not prescribed by Us for them, (We commanded them) only to seek the good pleasure of Allah'33 , contradicts this. However it should be pointed out that the rule was temporary in the face of an overflow of Jews in the world, and therefore Islam abrogated the rule. As for bringing together ‘theyinnovated it’ and ‘we did not make it incumbent upon them’, it is clear that they innovated it firstly, and then Allah ratified it.

Early Marriage

The custom of early marriageis upheld by the intellect and the religion. It was the norm amongst Muslims from the dawn of Islam up to and before the cultural, economic, and military assault by the laws of the West and East upon their lands. If this (early marriage) had not been the case, then itwould have led either to depravity, the least form of which is masturbation, or to illness as physicians have shown.

It was the custom of Muslims to marry off girls from the age of ten to fifteen or thereabouts, and boys from attaining maturity up to age eighteen. Early marriage was a vital necessity for them because of its simplicity. There was no condition of completing studies or military service. Marriage was likefood and drink and clothing to them. A certain man would need a certain woman and viceversa, and nothing would prevent them from coming together in lawful matrimony.

The West, in placing obstacles and hurdles in the way of marriage, has laid itself open to public and private licentiousness as well as various other perversions.Its own figures show that most youngsters are sexually active from age ten for girls and from reaching physical maturity for boys, with all the dangerous consequences of that such as abortion and the profusion of illegitimate children found on the streets and in the slums, as well as various sexually transmitted diseases, and adulterous acts together with marital and family infidelity and incest and suicide, the appearance of homosexuality, and the trade in buying and selling children and so on.

Knowing that Islam is the religion of human nature, it is clear that sexual purity and cleanliness necessitates that we return to the teachings of Islam in this important area of life.

It should not be argued however: Why did the Messenger of God not marry until the age of twenty-five and for that matter ‘Ali, because it can be said that one reason may be that the Prophet was poor, his family suffering great hardship as is seen in the story of the dividing up of the sons of AbuTalib . As for ‘Ali, he was at the most serious stage in facilitating mankind's transition from darkness to light. It is clear that in this state, a man sacrifices everything for the sake of his goal.

Simplicity of Dowry

The Prophet has said: 'The best of women in my community is she of the most radiant of face and the least of dowry'.37 This is common sense more than tradition, for it is the needs of the young men and women which lead them towards marriage and the dowry is no more than symbolic. There should be nothing to prevent two souls from coming together in a legal way no matter whether their conditions are poor or rich, especially as we see now certain nations making the dowry incumbent upon the man and others making it upon the woman and others still leaving it out altogether.

Islam sanctions the dowry out ofhonour and respect for the wife but it is not tobeover done , rather it stresses the simplicity of the dowry so that it is enough for the husband to teach the wife a chapter from the Qur'an or a simple craft, or even give her a plain iron ring.

Then on, it is clear that after the marriage, the two will be motivated towards working and earning, because the person who knows that he has a responsibility will run towards life as opposed to one who does not feel any responsibility.

Simplicity of dowry made for the best women of the nation according to the Prophet because it makes this vital element of life easier and quicker. ‘God wants for you ease and he does not want difficulty.’38 It is related that the Prophet said: ‘Make things easy upon yourselves and do not make things difficult.’39 Ease in anything promotes the absence of stress on the person physically and mentally.

As for the 'most radiant of face', perhaps this stems from good moralbehaviour which promotes the radiance of the face and skin.40

In this way, it was the custom amongst Muslims, before the age of Western materialism, for the dowry to be small and simple, except in a very few cases, for the ‘Umayyad and ‘Abbasid caliphs diverged from the traditions of Islam to the traditions of the Persian kings and the Caesars in every domain and especially in the matter of dowries. Because of this, the impeccable Imams used toemphasise and insist upon the dowry of thesunna - thatpractised by the Prophet.

The Parents’ House

Muslim society, before the attack of materialism, used to marry off its sons and daughters, and both parties - the parents and the children - were satisfied and content with the parents house as an abode for the newly-weds, without distinguishing between whether the house belonged to the parents of the bride or of the groom. The couple would live in one of the rooms of the house and everyone would contribute to the income,work and affairs of the household.41 Because of this, marriage was simple and easy regarding housing and furniture and assistance, and the new couple would learn from the older ones various aspects of life. Others would live in a new house whose land was free according to the law ‘the land belongs to Allah and whoever lives upon it'42 . The methods of construction were simple and humble, and there were no governmental difficulties such as taxes or planning permission or the like.

I still recall that the people at the Holy city of Karbala were almost one hundred thousand in number and upon analysis; we would not find more than four unmarried men among them. Today however, the situation is quite the opposite. Society has collaborated with the state, which lays down false laws in this respect.But wherever there is no steadfastness and noorganisation in exercising sexual capacity, it becomes distorted and perverse.

It is necessary - if we desire happiness - to re-balance society, and to return to theQur'anic verse: ' He releases them from their heavy burdens and the yokes that were upon them'.43 So that there will no longer exist any social burdens or legal fetters, and therein lies the happiness of Muslims in this world and the next.

Simplicity of Requirements

The saying of the Prophet ‘the least of them in dowry’44 includes all possessions. If the custom present in certain countries now and aswas usual among the earlier Muslims, of the couple being satisfied with their belongings before the wedding then this would doubtless be an important factor in decreasing the level of non-marriage and corruption.

My father told me that they used to live in Samarra in a single house, and when his sister got married, the gift was very humble, not exceeding a new dress, which her husband bought for her. On the night of themarriage the bride moved to the room of the groom and the matter was concluded.

I actually saw them myself. Theirs was the happiest of households and they produced fine children and grandchildren. Contentment is a treasure that never runs out, and contentment with reality, without the vain excesses and exaggerations, which usually surround things, causes mental and physical comfort.

History records the dowry of Fatima al-Zahra45 and the circumstances of her marriage. The dowry was the sum of thirtydirhams according to various versions. The furnishings of her marriage were basic in the extreme so that even the carpet of the room was of sand, as is reported. Despitethis it was the happiest of houses not only in the history of Islam but also in the history of humanity.

The messenger of God made this dowrysunna and made it the dowry of all his daughters so it came to be known as the dowry of thesunna . However, stealth and bravery are required from educationalists and in Islamic circles, and from parents so that they can do away with theseman-made laws and detrimental customs.

PartThree : The Married Couple: Conditions, Rights, and Customs

Religion and Morals

The noble Prophet hassaid: ‘If one comes to you whose religion and morals please you then marry them'46 .This criterion that the prophet has mentioned is the criterion of common sense also.Naturally the person must be able to provide for his family if the wife so needs, just as he should not be an invalid particularly with a venereal disease or that, which incapacitates him from fulfilling the sexual needs of the wife. If thebehaviour of either of the married couple is not good, the house becomes like a hell, and if one or other of them does not have a code of conduct, which keeps them from wrongdoing then the man, might even be prepared for his wife to become a prostitute. Religion and moralscan be judged from previousbehaviour , and as to whether he or she is capable of bearing children can be known from the relatives47 and from certain medical checks.

As for beauty, wealth, position, and social status and so on, they are not in the least bit essential (impossible as not everyone is beautiful and wealthy).

As for age, forif the balance of Islam in marrying every widow and widower is looked at then no fault could be found in either comparing age or neglecting to do so although it is probably better to pay attention to this element also. Hence theQur'anic reference to the People of Heaven as 'equal in age'.48

Hence we still see, even in this age, that this is the custom of many Muslims although it was more prevalent in the past when it was Islamic.

The wearing of the veil for women is also part of the religion as is restraint by men frompractising forbidden acts, particularly in this material age with its voracious appetite for lust and seduction.

Means of Subsistence

There is no doubt that being able to expend to run the household is one of the most important matters of married life. Allah states in the Qur’an: ‘If they are poor then Allah will enrich them from His bounty'.49

This is correct one hundred percent. This is because the unmarried mandoes not have the motivation to earn money in the same way that the man who feels a responsibility does. This in addition to the fact that it is a matter from the unseen world as is everything we see in this world; it has its apparent cause and its real cause which is the will of Allah.

However, despite this, a means of subsistenceshould be acquired including place of abode and other needs.Islam has laid down laws in this respect like ‘the land belongs to Allah and whoever develops it’50 , or ‘whoever attains something which no other Muslim has first attained then he has the greater right to it'.51 Therefore it is possible that a charitableorganisation could build simple homes on land with wells or the like for general water and rainwater tanks for drinking water, with an orchard for fruits and vegetables and rearing animals. Then they could be leased which would make things very simple for housing and food and also clothing which could be made from the wool of the animals reared in the house. If there were someone in thehouse who could sew or perform another task for the family then that would be enough to cover half the expenses. The other half could be obtained by work, which also promotes physical and mental health,self-satisfaction and independence from others.

So if God blesses us with manufacture and agriculture and we havewater and earth and willing hands, we will have become independent from others. As ‘Alisaid: ‘Become independent from whoever you wish and you will become his equal'.52

Equality

Islam has made the Muslim man an equal to the Muslim woman. This tenet was in effect in Islamic lands until the appearance of nationalisms and geographicalborders which were artificially created by the West to split up the Muslims and their country.These two tactics were adopted by various dictatorial rulers to assist them towards more despotism and more provinces for their sponsors who put them into power in the country on the condition that they implement their decisions, as well as the fact that this completes their deception .

I remember that the people coming to Iraq from India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Iran, from the Gulf, Syria and Lebanon used to marry amongst each other and with Iraqis and vice versa. The same was true of any land transactions even after the fall of the aforementioned rules of land and precedence.

Colonialism and its agents set out to demolish the laws of Islam and replace them with their own laws. With the same ease as marriage and selling took place, so did buying and obtaining free goods such as salt and fish and the like. The samecan be said for freedom of movement without passport, there being no geographical borders, along with all the other tenets of Islam that have been gradually eroded. Atthat time there was no barrier to any of the Islamic freedoms nor was there any tax on anything.

In any case, it is imperative that Muslims concern themselves, except in cases where theyare compelled by force of arms, with bringing back the laws of Islam in every aspect of their lives. This includes the condition of equality between the married couple as stated by Islam andhas been shown by the jurists in their explanatory books and their practical essays. Then the darknessmay be lifted gradually just as it came to our lands gradually.

Abolition of Conditions

It is imperative that allman-made conditions which have no connection with Islam are abolished from the marital agreement. Granted, if something is made a condition and it is religiously acceptable then it may be agreed upon by the two parties, but as the saying goes: the more restrictions there are on something the less frequently it occurs.

Every complication lessens the opportunity for marriage whether itbe the conditions of the groom or of the bride. It is probable that when a law imposes a condition it seeks to solve a certain problem, but problemsare increased from another perspective. Forexample a law seeking to prevent thieves from stealing by night might impose a curfew.

The basis of marriage in Islam is simplicity and keeping away fromcomplications and un-Islamic traditions and surplus formalities, which are routinely imposed. Among that which simplifies marriage is that no feeis taken for the marriage contract, as was the case in Iraq fifty years ago when the scholars who used to formulate the contracts were prevented from taking payment for discharging their services.53

There is no doubt that complexity however small and minor causes delays and in any number add up to a greater delay. Therefore if these matters were abolished along with all the otherofficialities of which there arean abundance these days, marriage would become easy and would be popular among young men and women as well as divorcees and so on.

The Couple's Happiness

The principle that 'people have dominion over their wealth and their own selves' is an important one Islamically.54 The West has progressed and flourished relative to the extent it haspractised it. Muslims have regressed whenever they have neglected and ignored it.

This principlemust be applied to the married couple. They are, together, free in the choices they make in everything that God has permitted. The onlyexception which many scholars have noted is in the rights of the virgin girl if her father or paternal grandfather are living, in which case she is subject to their opinion and requires their permission to marry. When the giving of permission is feasible and no other secondary principle applies, then her wishes should be satisfied and permission given.

Similarly, it is not at all conceivable that the young man or woman should be compelled to marry a certain person. Not only is this against the sacred law and common sense, it very often causes problems, the least of which are separation, estrangement and divorce, and in some cases can reach the level of murder and suicide as is common today.

What place is there for compulsion in the relationship of marriage the meaning of which is the intimate companionship of husband and wife by day and by night at home or abroad, and throughout all the circumstances and mental states of each party?Therefore the marriage of the two must arise out of mutual agreement and no one should have the right to force them to marry.

Idolatry of Traditions

There are certain traditions that have become so widespread as tobe now generally accepted as if they were God given laws whereas they do not in reality have any connection with Islam. They are in fact contradictory to the laws of God. The idolatry of customs and the prevalence of deviations is a majorproblem which faces almost every country. Hence, the necessity arises for visionaries and academics to undertake a courageous stand against this crippling malady and to point out its weaknesses.

These traditions at times assume a holy nature which can make the peopleall the more ready to believe them and put them into practice. It is not proper either from a religious or intellectual standpoint to pay attention to the compatibility of star signs of the husband or the wife, and although it is correct that a marriage taking place when the moon is in Scorpio will not be joyous, even this may be eliminated through supplication,Qur'anic verses or almsgiving.

There are also certain foreign customs that have reached the Islamic world which observe that the married coupleshould not be related in any way. This is not correct as can be seen in the marriage of 'Ali and Fatima and certain of the Imams and their sons. It is related that the Emissary of God looked to the children of 'Ali and those of ‘Aqueel saying 'Our daughters are for our sons and our sons are for our daughters'.55 Indeed, the habit of Muslims from the beginning of Islam was to marry between cousins on the mother's and father's side. (This isbased on the fact that Allah Almighty has condoned and encouraged cousin marriage as it is evident from the holy Qur’an, “O Prophet! Verily We have made lawful for you your wives whom you have given their dowry . and the daughters of your paternal uncle, and the daughters of your paternal aunts, and the daughters of your maternal uncle, and the daughters of your maternal aunts . .” Chapter 33, verse 50.)

Whatever the case may be, Islamic standardsshould not be mixed up with Western standards.

The Rights of the Married Couple

The husband has no right over his wife other than the conjugal right, and in the matter of her exit from the house for purposes other than in fulfilling her duties56 since: 'No creature should be obeyed at the cost of disobedience to the Creator'.57 These rights are brought together in the followingQur'anic verses: 'And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them according to what is equitable'.58

'They are your garments and ye are their garments'.59 'But men have a degree over them'.60 There is absolutely no right for the husband to transgress with regards to his wife, especially as the marriage has taken place with her consent and with her ability to make conditions and that she has certain rights over the wealth of the man if he divorces her as well as other choices which are at her discretion. She also has the right to make the condition that the man does not marry another beside her, and that she can be the agent in divorcing herself, and that hecan not divorce her - as many scholars believe - according to the report thatMansour Ibn Younis said: ' I said to Abu Al-Hasan that one of my colleagues had a wife whom he divorced so she left him.

Subsequently he wished her back but the woman said" I will never marry you until you agree not to divorce me and not to marry another besides me".So Abu Al-Hasan asked whether he did so and I said Yes. He said 'He has done ill'. Then he said 'But now,tell him that the condition should stand, for the Emissary of Allah has said, "The Muslims should stand by their personal conditions".

This was related by SheikhMurtada in Al-Makasib . Further detailed study of thehadith and pronouncements of the juristscan be found in the book of Fiqh.61

PartFour : Islam's Word on the New Born Child

The Fruit of Marriage

The goal of marriage is the maintenance of human kind so it is important that the two parents pay attention to bringing up the children after marriage or even before it, as in the saying: 'Choose well for your seed, for what is bred in the bone comes out in the flesh'. Whether itbe that the man chooses a fine mother or the woman chooses a good father, the child will take after each of them. Then comes the time for impregnation, the method for which Islam makes plain. Then the period of pregnancy and suckling where it is recommended thatit be undertaken by a beautiful woman for 'beauty delights' . After thatcomes upbringing and education and the age of studying, from kindergarten until university. Similarly, care must be taken in choosing a name for them as in the saying 'nomen est omen' and as has been proven by psychology. Hence, the Prophet of Islam used to change ugly names to good ones.

The prevalence of children born with deformities, diseases, incapacities and mental deficiencies in the Islamic world in the last half of the twentieth century is one of the unpleasant results of Western lifestyle which has overcome the Muslims with all kinds of poisons and anxieties and corrupt habits from fashions and cosmetics to foodstuffs and certain chemical medicines and so forth.

I myself do not recall, before thesecond world war , even one instance of any of these terrible occurrences in infants where we used to live in Karbala and Najaf when Iraq was living in a state of Islam. Today however, hardly a day passes without us hearing of a case or cases of abnormalities of this sort.

As for the cure, although it lies in the complete restoration to life of Islam, prevention gives a clear and effective result in reducing these diseases.

The Importance of Health

The married couple must place a great importance on hygiene because of theQur'anic verse: 'save yourselves and your families from the fire'62 , and because of thesaying of Al-Sajjad : 'Your body holds a right over you'. The human being has a responsibility for his body before Allah as well as for the deeds he has done and their effect on later generations. Illness is rife, particularly in this age where the rules of hygienehave been destroyed in food, drink, clothing, transport, and housing, together with travel from cold climates to hot climates and vice versa. Modern technology has destroyed a large part of health, while new modes of dealing with life have destroyed anotherpart, and foods and drinks a third part.

Similarly it is imperative that sexual health be maintained where an excess of intercourse and bathing is one of the most detrimental things to the health as Avicenna said: 'Stay continent (of semen) as far as you can for it is the water of life to be poured into the womb'. Likewise, a paucity of sexual intercourse has its own ills proven by medical science, so the best is to opt for moderation and the middle course.

It is also important to observe the times for intercourse63 as isfound in the major works and mentioned by physicians. This particularly during times of pregnancy when many ills can be directed to thefoetus which can result in its death, deformity or suffering from chronic disorders.

Hence we see a prevalence of physical and mental disorders in children. This stems from many causes including unhealthy parents and exposure of the child to ills. Children then are now being born at a time when exposure to diseases and problems is increasing,while mankind is responsible before Allah for his children, as is reported reliably.

Suckling

There is no doubt that the best nourishment for the child is the mother's milk as is confirmed by the religion and by medical science64 , except when an infectious disease or the like strikes the mother. One of the reasons for the prevalence of diseases in the child and in the mother is feeding something other than the mother's milk to the child. It harms the new born because his metabolism is not prepared for anything other than his mother's milk and so causes many types of illnesses as is witnessed these days. It also harms the mother because the body after childbirth prepares for breast feeding which, if it does not take place, can cause the milk to become clotted and coagulated in the breast, in addition to the dangers of non-secretion of surpluses in the body which are intended to be discharged through their proper channels.

Furthermore, the breast that does not feed tends towardssagging which can lead to a decline of its beauty which is a loss where the woman who has a partner is concerned. Beauty is beloved in religion, common sense and in customs, as in thehadith : 'God is beautiful He loves beauty'65 , and other examples. The intellect weighs up each quality of perfection and beauty is one of the parts of perfection. As for custom, it is too obvious to mention. It is recommended that the natural mother should feed the child whilst in a state of ritual purity because the milk passes to the soul and to the body as is proven in the religion and in medicine.Hence if the father is forced to feed the child by one other than the child's natural mother, then it is recommended that he choose a woman of good qualities according to the details laid out by scholars.

Upbringing and Protection

It is necessary for the parents to protect the children from deviancy in morals and values. Protecting is incumbent religiously, as in the Qur'an: 'Protect yourselves and your families from the fire'.66 In previous times, before modern methods, and before the colonialist networks had spread through Islamic lands, sons used to follow in the footsteps of their fathers except in a very few cases. In this age however, deviancy is the norm.The majority of youngsters today, despite their young ages and lack of experience, and with their deviant modes of thinking propagated by colonialist factions andorganisations , view their parents as reactionary and superstitious, whilst they themselves have been seduced by the propaganda networks and mass media in the country which promote every forbidden thing from alcohol to gambling,licence and perversion. The immature youngster by his nature and inexperience burns with vitality, activity, desire for change, and lust and is thus quickly attracted towards deviancy.

Hencearises the necessity of a thorough concern for the children from parents, relatives, and society as a whole. For without direction, harm and corruption will not only strike the children but will become general amongst their families and entire communities. The forces of Saddam in Iraq, and the Communist forces in Afghanistan and the like have cost these countries a lot of blood and tears. This is true of many of the other Islamic lands where many liveshave been sacrificed at their hands.

When we say 'protection of children', we don't simply mean advice and guidance, but as well as that we mean making them feel part of a healthy environment and preparing for them the means of obtaining work and making a living, and forging links for them with a mosque or a school or a library or a religious community centre, and marrying them when they come of age and seeking gainful employment for them.

The Bond of Kinship

Kinship has a prominent role in safeguarding society from deviance. The married couplemay not be related in any way so kinship develops through their children, among themselves and between them and the parents' relatives.

Kinship is a very important means of reaching a common understanding and of strengthening the bonds of friendship and cooperation, of solidarity and mutual regard. The parents should sow the seeds of this in their children so that they may derive benefit from itand also give benefit. For in kinship there is benefit gained and given, rights and responsibilities, give and take. The rewards in it are unfathomable.

In the Qur'an comes the words: '. . and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, by whom you demand one another your rights, and to the bonds of kinship'67 .

Here the bond of kinship and guarding against breaking it are linked with piety and God-consciousness and guarding against disobeying Him.

There are many reports about this matter. The Prophet hassaid: ' The bond of kinship populates the houses and increases life spans even if the inhabitants are not good people'68 . Imam Al-Baqir hassaid: 'The bond of kinship purifies deeds and makes wealth grow. It keeps tribulations at bay and increases longevity'69 .

Imam Al-Sadiq has said: 'The bond of kinship improves the character, cleanses the hands, perfumes the soul, increasessustenance and adds to longevity'70 .

In another report from Imam Al-Sadiq comes that a man came to the prophet andsaid: 'Messenger of God, I have a family and I was their head but now they bring me pain and I wish now to disown them'.

The Prophet said 'Then God will disown you all'. The man asked 'What shall I do then? 'The prophet said 'Give to he who denies you, bond with he who cuts off from you and forgive whoever wrongs you. If you do this, God will be your backer'71 . A child disobeying and disrespecting his parents, religiouslyprohibited and intellectually detestable, is a form of breaking the bond of kinship.Similarly a father's disrespect to his children - which is also disrespect and is referred to in traditions - is also a kind of breaking this bond.

When a person isborn he is surrounded by a plethora of rules and etiquettes, as well as by universal laws and practices.Therefore a person should prepare himself to adapt in a practical way to these rules and etiquettes and to follow those laws and traditions.Otherwise he will find himself to be the first casualty because of the clash he will experience coming up against them and in many cases he may also cause harm to others besides him.

Virtues and Non-violence

Supposing that a man had a number of wives long term, or if he became awidower or his marriage was annulled or he became divorced, he should not place the status of one wife above the other, nor should he place the children of one wife over those of another. This can cause the break-up and dispersion of the family in many cases, and can sow the seeds of enmity and hatred amongst the children. In extremecases this can end up in injury, beating, murder and suicide.

The wives must also not be jealous of one another72 for this also propagates enmity and all its consequences including murder, especially if one wife has children while the other does not. These kinds of enmities and quarrels as well as being disobedience toGod which warrant punishment in the afterlife also disturb the serenity of life without good reason.

Some friends of mine who have visited parts of Asia and Africa and certain Western countries have told me that the concepts held by some Muslims of hatreds andenmities and quarrels and their consequences are generally not present there.

Human nature often calls for these things but the consequences of them is obvious if a person uses his intelligence and strengthens his faith in God and desires His reward and fears His punishment.

A good upbringing and the development of an environment of tolerance and loving and non-violence are the best way in manifold areas of life.Hence the parents should school themselves and their children in noble morals and praiseworthy virtues and non-violence in marital matters so that they may find happiness in this world and the next.

PartFive : Problems and Safeguards Towards Maintaining Harmony

The Happy Household

Married life can vary greatly from couple to couple. One couple can make their home heavenly and happy through morals and virtues, good habits and sympatheticbehaviour .

Another couple however, can be found to be the opposite of this, one or both of them being uncouth, violent and bad mannered or with bad habits whether it be smoking in the vicinity of the other person which can cause friction, or to be indiscreet and not to say anything, or by eating pungent foods like garlic, onions, and leeks. It is perhaps a familiar sight to see husbands fleeing from their homes to avoid their ill-mannered wives and vice versa when the wife occupies herself in a certain activity in order to avoid her husband.

The humanistic and Islamic view of society is that each of the married couple should respect and be aware of their partner's needs in their life andrealise that they are also a human being with emotions, feelings and sensitivities and that any ill-manneredbehaviour can cause pain and in many cases ends up in divorce and separation.

It is important that eachpartner wherever possible should overlook the slip-ups and mistakes of the other just as the prophet has ordered.

I myself once saw an ill-charactered man drive his wife to death and his second wife followed her. The person of bad characteris generally driven by hisbehaviour towards bad consequences, while good character and morals usually lead to good consequences. This is the principleinvolved which the prophet made clear.

There is no doubt that human natures vary in goodness and badness. However, the effect upon the person of education andselfdevelopment cannot be denied . A person should educate himself in good personal relationships with others, as is mentioned in the Qur'an in the verse: '. . good fellowship'73 .

Maintaining an atmosphere in the household where no one party forces the other to work in the house or for the house can make the household peaceful and happy. Compulsion though can make the house into a hell onearth which can destroy all the occupants including any children there may be.

No to Extravagance! The married couple should avoid in particular extravagance and profligacy.

The difference between the two is that the former is to do with excess where the necessity remains in principle, while the latter is expenditure that is not necessary in the least.

In the Qur'an comes an indication that the seriousness of the second type is greater in the words: 'Spendthrifts are akin to devils'74 , whereas this kind of seriousness has not been said of extravagance. In ahadith it is said 'Pouring out excess water and discarding a date is extravagance'75 .

Certain laws relating to this subjecthave been highlighted in 'The Book of Food and Drink' in 'TheEncyclopaedia of Fiqh'76 . In anotherHadith is said : 'God is merciful; to he who knows his capacity and does not transgress his limit'77 . The lively society isone which makes use even of its refuse. Regarding theQur'anic verse: 'God will revive the dead'77 , the probable meaning is that they are of no use until God revives them and they become of the living.

At times, there may be a sense of competitiveness between the partners or between two families. This causes many evils, much to the delight of Satan, including extravagance,wastage and ostentation to the level of excess.

Imam 'Ali once gave a ruling that camel meat slaughtered as a form of 'one-upmanship' between two tribal leaders was forbidden and it was left to the scavengers. Perhaps the point is that getting the message across is more important than leaving the meat for the scavengers, even though the meatwas slaughtered in a lawful manner.

In anycase it is important that the married couple co-operate together from the outset with a view to creating a family whose basis is love and affection and whose driving force is purposefulness and reality, not squandering and extravagance, false facade and idle boasting.

WorkWithin the Household

Manual work within the household is ablessing which is necessary for psychological well being and beneficial for the body because it leads to health and well being. It is then important that the married couple should concern themselves with handiwork, and that each onechoose for themselves some task or they both undertake it together. We can still remember the days when families use to work in their houses or outside in the garden or in the fields or the farmyards when people used to live a life of self-sufficiency not being in need of outsiders.

I myself remember the problems that the world experienced after World War II and the famine that struck humanityas a result of those wars. However, Iraq and certain other Islamic countries were not as affected by the famine due to their reliance upon their own produce. At that time, all needs were satisfied internally, and we did not need to import more than white sugar and some cloth. People used to make their own clothes on simple looms anddidn't need imported cloth in any great measure. Our father78 (May the mercy of God be upon him) used to tell us to take our tea with dates or molasses whenever we needed sugar. Then, the entire imports of Iraq did not exceed 30 million Dinars, as all our needswere met from within the country.

These days however, after the flood of oil wells, these imports have reached tens of billions of Dinars but look at the state of Iraq, and the state of the people. One glance at the problems, poverty and hunger which is sweeping the country is enough to confirm the reality.79

Therefore a gradual independence from outsiders must be worked towards, through for example making the house into a workstation for the married couple.

It is also important that charitableorganisations help provide opportunities for marriedcouples and facilitate and stimulate work for them.