Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

PartTwo : The Call of Nature

Marriage as a Necessity

Marriage is a vital necessity. The survival of the species depends upon it and the survival of any organism is an intellectual necessity.Hence the world’s intelligentsia try to prevent the extinction of a particular organism.So what of humanity? The Qur'an states: 'But when he turns his back, his aim everywhere is to spread mischief in the land and to destroy crops and progeny, but Allah loves not mischief'.30

In the matter of destroyingprogeny there is no difference between active destruction and passive destruction.Qur'anic verses and prophetic traditions stress marriage as being mandatory for the common good and recommended for the individual good.

This is from one angle. From another, were it not for marriage, humanity would suffer from some extremely harmful diseases, as medical science has proven, and the avoidance of any possible harm is mandatoryboth from a religious and an intellectual point of view.From another angle again, a person to deny himself, in moderation, of the good things in life is also intellectually and religiously wrong as the story of ‘Ala shows in 'Nahj al-Balagha'.31 In a well-known case, the Prophet himself stopped a man who had vowed to abstain (from all the good things in life including marriage) by the saying ‘There is to be no monasticism in Islam’.32 It may be argued that theQur'anic verse: 'The monasticism which they innovated was not prescribed by Us for them, (We commanded them) only to seek the good pleasure of Allah'33 , contradicts this. However it should be pointed out that the rule was temporary in the face of an overflow of Jews in the world, and therefore Islam abrogated the rule. As for bringing together ‘theyinnovated it’ and ‘we did not make it incumbent upon them’, it is clear that they innovated it firstly, and then Allah ratified it.

Early Marriage

The custom of early marriageis upheld by the intellect and the religion. It was the norm amongst Muslims from the dawn of Islam up to and before the cultural, economic, and military assault by the laws of the West and East upon their lands. If this (early marriage) had not been the case, then itwould have led either to depravity, the least form of which is masturbation, or to illness as physicians have shown.

It was the custom of Muslims to marry off girls from the age of ten to fifteen or thereabouts, and boys from attaining maturity up to age eighteen. Early marriage was a vital necessity for them because of its simplicity. There was no condition of completing studies or military service. Marriage was likefood and drink and clothing to them. A certain man would need a certain woman and viceversa, and nothing would prevent them from coming together in lawful matrimony.

The West, in placing obstacles and hurdles in the way of marriage, has laid itself open to public and private licentiousness as well as various other perversions.Its own figures show that most youngsters are sexually active from age ten for girls and from reaching physical maturity for boys, with all the dangerous consequences of that such as abortion and the profusion of illegitimate children found on the streets and in the slums, as well as various sexually transmitted diseases, and adulterous acts together with marital and family infidelity and incest and suicide, the appearance of homosexuality, and the trade in buying and selling children and so on.

Knowing that Islam is the religion of human nature, it is clear that sexual purity and cleanliness necessitates that we return to the teachings of Islam in this important area of life.

It should not be argued however: Why did the Messenger of God not marry until the age of twenty-five and for that matter ‘Ali, because it can be said that one reason may be that the Prophet was poor, his family suffering great hardship as is seen in the story of the dividing up of the sons of AbuTalib . As for ‘Ali, he was at the most serious stage in facilitating mankind's transition from darkness to light. It is clear that in this state, a man sacrifices everything for the sake of his goal.

Simplicity of Dowry

The Prophet has said: 'The best of women in my community is she of the most radiant of face and the least of dowry'.37 This is common sense more than tradition, for it is the needs of the young men and women which lead them towards marriage and the dowry is no more than symbolic. There should be nothing to prevent two souls from coming together in a legal way no matter whether their conditions are poor or rich, especially as we see now certain nations making the dowry incumbent upon the man and others making it upon the woman and others still leaving it out altogether.

Islam sanctions the dowry out ofhonour and respect for the wife but it is not tobeover done , rather it stresses the simplicity of the dowry so that it is enough for the husband to teach the wife a chapter from the Qur'an or a simple craft, or even give her a plain iron ring.

Then on, it is clear that after the marriage, the two will be motivated towards working and earning, because the person who knows that he has a responsibility will run towards life as opposed to one who does not feel any responsibility.

Simplicity of dowry made for the best women of the nation according to the Prophet because it makes this vital element of life easier and quicker. ‘God wants for you ease and he does not want difficulty.’38 It is related that the Prophet said: ‘Make things easy upon yourselves and do not make things difficult.’39 Ease in anything promotes the absence of stress on the person physically and mentally.

As for the 'most radiant of face', perhaps this stems from good moralbehaviour which promotes the radiance of the face and skin.40

In this way, it was the custom amongst Muslims, before the age of Western materialism, for the dowry to be small and simple, except in a very few cases, for the ‘Umayyad and ‘Abbasid caliphs diverged from the traditions of Islam to the traditions of the Persian kings and the Caesars in every domain and especially in the matter of dowries. Because of this, the impeccable Imams used toemphasise and insist upon the dowry of thesunna - thatpractised by the Prophet.

The Parents’ House

Muslim society, before the attack of materialism, used to marry off its sons and daughters, and both parties - the parents and the children - were satisfied and content with the parents house as an abode for the newly-weds, without distinguishing between whether the house belonged to the parents of the bride or of the groom. The couple would live in one of the rooms of the house and everyone would contribute to the income,work and affairs of the household.41 Because of this, marriage was simple and easy regarding housing and furniture and assistance, and the new couple would learn from the older ones various aspects of life. Others would live in a new house whose land was free according to the law ‘the land belongs to Allah and whoever lives upon it'42 . The methods of construction were simple and humble, and there were no governmental difficulties such as taxes or planning permission or the like.

I still recall that the people at the Holy city of Karbala were almost one hundred thousand in number and upon analysis; we would not find more than four unmarried men among them. Today however, the situation is quite the opposite. Society has collaborated with the state, which lays down false laws in this respect.But wherever there is no steadfastness and noorganisation in exercising sexual capacity, it becomes distorted and perverse.

It is necessary - if we desire happiness - to re-balance society, and to return to theQur'anic verse: ' He releases them from their heavy burdens and the yokes that were upon them'.43 So that there will no longer exist any social burdens or legal fetters, and therein lies the happiness of Muslims in this world and the next.

Simplicity of Requirements

The saying of the Prophet ‘the least of them in dowry’44 includes all possessions. If the custom present in certain countries now and aswas usual among the earlier Muslims, of the couple being satisfied with their belongings before the wedding then this would doubtless be an important factor in decreasing the level of non-marriage and corruption.

My father told me that they used to live in Samarra in a single house, and when his sister got married, the gift was very humble, not exceeding a new dress, which her husband bought for her. On the night of themarriage the bride moved to the room of the groom and the matter was concluded.

I actually saw them myself. Theirs was the happiest of households and they produced fine children and grandchildren. Contentment is a treasure that never runs out, and contentment with reality, without the vain excesses and exaggerations, which usually surround things, causes mental and physical comfort.

History records the dowry of Fatima al-Zahra45 and the circumstances of her marriage. The dowry was the sum of thirtydirhams according to various versions. The furnishings of her marriage were basic in the extreme so that even the carpet of the room was of sand, as is reported. Despitethis it was the happiest of houses not only in the history of Islam but also in the history of humanity.

The messenger of God made this dowrysunna and made it the dowry of all his daughters so it came to be known as the dowry of thesunna . However, stealth and bravery are required from educationalists and in Islamic circles, and from parents so that they can do away with theseman-made laws and detrimental customs.

PartThree : The Married Couple: Conditions, Rights, and Customs

Religion and Morals

The noble Prophet hassaid: ‘If one comes to you whose religion and morals please you then marry them'46 .This criterion that the prophet has mentioned is the criterion of common sense also.Naturally the person must be able to provide for his family if the wife so needs, just as he should not be an invalid particularly with a venereal disease or that, which incapacitates him from fulfilling the sexual needs of the wife. If thebehaviour of either of the married couple is not good, the house becomes like a hell, and if one or other of them does not have a code of conduct, which keeps them from wrongdoing then the man, might even be prepared for his wife to become a prostitute. Religion and moralscan be judged from previousbehaviour , and as to whether he or she is capable of bearing children can be known from the relatives47 and from certain medical checks.

As for beauty, wealth, position, and social status and so on, they are not in the least bit essential (impossible as not everyone is beautiful and wealthy).

As for age, forif the balance of Islam in marrying every widow and widower is looked at then no fault could be found in either comparing age or neglecting to do so although it is probably better to pay attention to this element also. Hence theQur'anic reference to the People of Heaven as 'equal in age'.48

Hence we still see, even in this age, that this is the custom of many Muslims although it was more prevalent in the past when it was Islamic.

The wearing of the veil for women is also part of the religion as is restraint by men frompractising forbidden acts, particularly in this material age with its voracious appetite for lust and seduction.

Means of Subsistence

There is no doubt that being able to expend to run the household is one of the most important matters of married life. Allah states in the Qur’an: ‘If they are poor then Allah will enrich them from His bounty'.49

This is correct one hundred percent. This is because the unmarried mandoes not have the motivation to earn money in the same way that the man who feels a responsibility does. This in addition to the fact that it is a matter from the unseen world as is everything we see in this world; it has its apparent cause and its real cause which is the will of Allah.

However, despite this, a means of subsistenceshould be acquired including place of abode and other needs.Islam has laid down laws in this respect like ‘the land belongs to Allah and whoever develops it’50 , or ‘whoever attains something which no other Muslim has first attained then he has the greater right to it'.51 Therefore it is possible that a charitableorganisation could build simple homes on land with wells or the like for general water and rainwater tanks for drinking water, with an orchard for fruits and vegetables and rearing animals. Then they could be leased which would make things very simple for housing and food and also clothing which could be made from the wool of the animals reared in the house. If there were someone in thehouse who could sew or perform another task for the family then that would be enough to cover half the expenses. The other half could be obtained by work, which also promotes physical and mental health,self-satisfaction and independence from others.

So if God blesses us with manufacture and agriculture and we havewater and earth and willing hands, we will have become independent from others. As ‘Alisaid: ‘Become independent from whoever you wish and you will become his equal'.52

Equality

Islam has made the Muslim man an equal to the Muslim woman. This tenet was in effect in Islamic lands until the appearance of nationalisms and geographicalborders which were artificially created by the West to split up the Muslims and their country.These two tactics were adopted by various dictatorial rulers to assist them towards more despotism and more provinces for their sponsors who put them into power in the country on the condition that they implement their decisions, as well as the fact that this completes their deception .

I remember that the people coming to Iraq from India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Iran, from the Gulf, Syria and Lebanon used to marry amongst each other and with Iraqis and vice versa. The same was true of any land transactions even after the fall of the aforementioned rules of land and precedence.

Colonialism and its agents set out to demolish the laws of Islam and replace them with their own laws. With the same ease as marriage and selling took place, so did buying and obtaining free goods such as salt and fish and the like. The samecan be said for freedom of movement without passport, there being no geographical borders, along with all the other tenets of Islam that have been gradually eroded. Atthat time there was no barrier to any of the Islamic freedoms nor was there any tax on anything.

In any case, it is imperative that Muslims concern themselves, except in cases where theyare compelled by force of arms, with bringing back the laws of Islam in every aspect of their lives. This includes the condition of equality between the married couple as stated by Islam andhas been shown by the jurists in their explanatory books and their practical essays. Then the darknessmay be lifted gradually just as it came to our lands gradually.

Abolition of Conditions

It is imperative that allman-made conditions which have no connection with Islam are abolished from the marital agreement. Granted, if something is made a condition and it is religiously acceptable then it may be agreed upon by the two parties, but as the saying goes: the more restrictions there are on something the less frequently it occurs.

Every complication lessens the opportunity for marriage whether itbe the conditions of the groom or of the bride. It is probable that when a law imposes a condition it seeks to solve a certain problem, but problemsare increased from another perspective. Forexample a law seeking to prevent thieves from stealing by night might impose a curfew.

The basis of marriage in Islam is simplicity and keeping away fromcomplications and un-Islamic traditions and surplus formalities, which are routinely imposed. Among that which simplifies marriage is that no feeis taken for the marriage contract, as was the case in Iraq fifty years ago when the scholars who used to formulate the contracts were prevented from taking payment for discharging their services.53

There is no doubt that complexity however small and minor causes delays and in any number add up to a greater delay. Therefore if these matters were abolished along with all the otherofficialities of which there arean abundance these days, marriage would become easy and would be popular among young men and women as well as divorcees and so on.

The Couple's Happiness

The principle that 'people have dominion over their wealth and their own selves' is an important one Islamically.54 The West has progressed and flourished relative to the extent it haspractised it. Muslims have regressed whenever they have neglected and ignored it.

This principlemust be applied to the married couple. They are, together, free in the choices they make in everything that God has permitted. The onlyexception which many scholars have noted is in the rights of the virgin girl if her father or paternal grandfather are living, in which case she is subject to their opinion and requires their permission to marry. When the giving of permission is feasible and no other secondary principle applies, then her wishes should be satisfied and permission given.

Similarly, it is not at all conceivable that the young man or woman should be compelled to marry a certain person. Not only is this against the sacred law and common sense, it very often causes problems, the least of which are separation, estrangement and divorce, and in some cases can reach the level of murder and suicide as is common today.

What place is there for compulsion in the relationship of marriage the meaning of which is the intimate companionship of husband and wife by day and by night at home or abroad, and throughout all the circumstances and mental states of each party?Therefore the marriage of the two must arise out of mutual agreement and no one should have the right to force them to marry.

Idolatry of Traditions

There are certain traditions that have become so widespread as tobe now generally accepted as if they were God given laws whereas they do not in reality have any connection with Islam. They are in fact contradictory to the laws of God. The idolatry of customs and the prevalence of deviations is a majorproblem which faces almost every country. Hence, the necessity arises for visionaries and academics to undertake a courageous stand against this crippling malady and to point out its weaknesses.

These traditions at times assume a holy nature which can make the peopleall the more ready to believe them and put them into practice. It is not proper either from a religious or intellectual standpoint to pay attention to the compatibility of star signs of the husband or the wife, and although it is correct that a marriage taking place when the moon is in Scorpio will not be joyous, even this may be eliminated through supplication,Qur'anic verses or almsgiving.

There are also certain foreign customs that have reached the Islamic world which observe that the married coupleshould not be related in any way. This is not correct as can be seen in the marriage of 'Ali and Fatima and certain of the Imams and their sons. It is related that the Emissary of God looked to the children of 'Ali and those of ‘Aqueel saying 'Our daughters are for our sons and our sons are for our daughters'.55 Indeed, the habit of Muslims from the beginning of Islam was to marry between cousins on the mother's and father's side. (This isbased on the fact that Allah Almighty has condoned and encouraged cousin marriage as it is evident from the holy Qur’an, “O Prophet! Verily We have made lawful for you your wives whom you have given their dowry . and the daughters of your paternal uncle, and the daughters of your paternal aunts, and the daughters of your maternal uncle, and the daughters of your maternal aunts . .” Chapter 33, verse 50.)

Whatever the case may be, Islamic standardsshould not be mixed up with Western standards.

The Rights of the Married Couple

The husband has no right over his wife other than the conjugal right, and in the matter of her exit from the house for purposes other than in fulfilling her duties56 since: 'No creature should be obeyed at the cost of disobedience to the Creator'.57 These rights are brought together in the followingQur'anic verses: 'And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them according to what is equitable'.58

'They are your garments and ye are their garments'.59 'But men have a degree over them'.60 There is absolutely no right for the husband to transgress with regards to his wife, especially as the marriage has taken place with her consent and with her ability to make conditions and that she has certain rights over the wealth of the man if he divorces her as well as other choices which are at her discretion. She also has the right to make the condition that the man does not marry another beside her, and that she can be the agent in divorcing herself, and that hecan not divorce her - as many scholars believe - according to the report thatMansour Ibn Younis said: ' I said to Abu Al-Hasan that one of my colleagues had a wife whom he divorced so she left him.

Subsequently he wished her back but the woman said" I will never marry you until you agree not to divorce me and not to marry another besides me".So Abu Al-Hasan asked whether he did so and I said Yes. He said 'He has done ill'. Then he said 'But now,tell him that the condition should stand, for the Emissary of Allah has said, "The Muslims should stand by their personal conditions".

This was related by SheikhMurtada in Al-Makasib . Further detailed study of thehadith and pronouncements of the juristscan be found in the book of Fiqh.61

PartFour : Islam's Word on the New Born Child

The Fruit of Marriage

The goal of marriage is the maintenance of human kind so it is important that the two parents pay attention to bringing up the children after marriage or even before it, as in the saying: 'Choose well for your seed, for what is bred in the bone comes out in the flesh'. Whether itbe that the man chooses a fine mother or the woman chooses a good father, the child will take after each of them. Then comes the time for impregnation, the method for which Islam makes plain. Then the period of pregnancy and suckling where it is recommended thatit be undertaken by a beautiful woman for 'beauty delights' . After thatcomes upbringing and education and the age of studying, from kindergarten until university. Similarly, care must be taken in choosing a name for them as in the saying 'nomen est omen' and as has been proven by psychology. Hence, the Prophet of Islam used to change ugly names to good ones.

The prevalence of children born with deformities, diseases, incapacities and mental deficiencies in the Islamic world in the last half of the twentieth century is one of the unpleasant results of Western lifestyle which has overcome the Muslims with all kinds of poisons and anxieties and corrupt habits from fashions and cosmetics to foodstuffs and certain chemical medicines and so forth.

I myself do not recall, before thesecond world war , even one instance of any of these terrible occurrences in infants where we used to live in Karbala and Najaf when Iraq was living in a state of Islam. Today however, hardly a day passes without us hearing of a case or cases of abnormalities of this sort.

As for the cure, although it lies in the complete restoration to life of Islam, prevention gives a clear and effective result in reducing these diseases.

The Importance of Health

The married couple must place a great importance on hygiene because of theQur'anic verse: 'save yourselves and your families from the fire'62 , and because of thesaying of Al-Sajjad : 'Your body holds a right over you'. The human being has a responsibility for his body before Allah as well as for the deeds he has done and their effect on later generations. Illness is rife, particularly in this age where the rules of hygienehave been destroyed in food, drink, clothing, transport, and housing, together with travel from cold climates to hot climates and vice versa. Modern technology has destroyed a large part of health, while new modes of dealing with life have destroyed anotherpart, and foods and drinks a third part.

Similarly it is imperative that sexual health be maintained where an excess of intercourse and bathing is one of the most detrimental things to the health as Avicenna said: 'Stay continent (of semen) as far as you can for it is the water of life to be poured into the womb'. Likewise, a paucity of sexual intercourse has its own ills proven by medical science, so the best is to opt for moderation and the middle course.

It is also important to observe the times for intercourse63 as isfound in the major works and mentioned by physicians. This particularly during times of pregnancy when many ills can be directed to thefoetus which can result in its death, deformity or suffering from chronic disorders.

Hence we see a prevalence of physical and mental disorders in children. This stems from many causes including unhealthy parents and exposure of the child to ills. Children then are now being born at a time when exposure to diseases and problems is increasing,while mankind is responsible before Allah for his children, as is reported reliably.

Suckling

There is no doubt that the best nourishment for the child is the mother's milk as is confirmed by the religion and by medical science64 , except when an infectious disease or the like strikes the mother. One of the reasons for the prevalence of diseases in the child and in the mother is feeding something other than the mother's milk to the child. It harms the new born because his metabolism is not prepared for anything other than his mother's milk and so causes many types of illnesses as is witnessed these days. It also harms the mother because the body after childbirth prepares for breast feeding which, if it does not take place, can cause the milk to become clotted and coagulated in the breast, in addition to the dangers of non-secretion of surpluses in the body which are intended to be discharged through their proper channels.

Furthermore, the breast that does not feed tends towardssagging which can lead to a decline of its beauty which is a loss where the woman who has a partner is concerned. Beauty is beloved in religion, common sense and in customs, as in thehadith : 'God is beautiful He loves beauty'65 , and other examples. The intellect weighs up each quality of perfection and beauty is one of the parts of perfection. As for custom, it is too obvious to mention. It is recommended that the natural mother should feed the child whilst in a state of ritual purity because the milk passes to the soul and to the body as is proven in the religion and in medicine.Hence if the father is forced to feed the child by one other than the child's natural mother, then it is recommended that he choose a woman of good qualities according to the details laid out by scholars.

Upbringing and Protection

It is necessary for the parents to protect the children from deviancy in morals and values. Protecting is incumbent religiously, as in the Qur'an: 'Protect yourselves and your families from the fire'.66 In previous times, before modern methods, and before the colonialist networks had spread through Islamic lands, sons used to follow in the footsteps of their fathers except in a very few cases. In this age however, deviancy is the norm.The majority of youngsters today, despite their young ages and lack of experience, and with their deviant modes of thinking propagated by colonialist factions andorganisations , view their parents as reactionary and superstitious, whilst they themselves have been seduced by the propaganda networks and mass media in the country which promote every forbidden thing from alcohol to gambling,licence and perversion. The immature youngster by his nature and inexperience burns with vitality, activity, desire for change, and lust and is thus quickly attracted towards deviancy.

Hencearises the necessity of a thorough concern for the children from parents, relatives, and society as a whole. For without direction, harm and corruption will not only strike the children but will become general amongst their families and entire communities. The forces of Saddam in Iraq, and the Communist forces in Afghanistan and the like have cost these countries a lot of blood and tears. This is true of many of the other Islamic lands where many liveshave been sacrificed at their hands.

When we say 'protection of children', we don't simply mean advice and guidance, but as well as that we mean making them feel part of a healthy environment and preparing for them the means of obtaining work and making a living, and forging links for them with a mosque or a school or a library or a religious community centre, and marrying them when they come of age and seeking gainful employment for them.

The Bond of Kinship

Kinship has a prominent role in safeguarding society from deviance. The married couplemay not be related in any way so kinship develops through their children, among themselves and between them and the parents' relatives.

Kinship is a very important means of reaching a common understanding and of strengthening the bonds of friendship and cooperation, of solidarity and mutual regard. The parents should sow the seeds of this in their children so that they may derive benefit from itand also give benefit. For in kinship there is benefit gained and given, rights and responsibilities, give and take. The rewards in it are unfathomable.

In the Qur'an comes the words: '. . and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, by whom you demand one another your rights, and to the bonds of kinship'67 .

Here the bond of kinship and guarding against breaking it are linked with piety and God-consciousness and guarding against disobeying Him.

There are many reports about this matter. The Prophet hassaid: ' The bond of kinship populates the houses and increases life spans even if the inhabitants are not good people'68 . Imam Al-Baqir hassaid: 'The bond of kinship purifies deeds and makes wealth grow. It keeps tribulations at bay and increases longevity'69 .

Imam Al-Sadiq has said: 'The bond of kinship improves the character, cleanses the hands, perfumes the soul, increasessustenance and adds to longevity'70 .

In another report from Imam Al-Sadiq comes that a man came to the prophet andsaid: 'Messenger of God, I have a family and I was their head but now they bring me pain and I wish now to disown them'.

The Prophet said 'Then God will disown you all'. The man asked 'What shall I do then? 'The prophet said 'Give to he who denies you, bond with he who cuts off from you and forgive whoever wrongs you. If you do this, God will be your backer'71 . A child disobeying and disrespecting his parents, religiouslyprohibited and intellectually detestable, is a form of breaking the bond of kinship.Similarly a father's disrespect to his children - which is also disrespect and is referred to in traditions - is also a kind of breaking this bond.

When a person isborn he is surrounded by a plethora of rules and etiquettes, as well as by universal laws and practices.Therefore a person should prepare himself to adapt in a practical way to these rules and etiquettes and to follow those laws and traditions.Otherwise he will find himself to be the first casualty because of the clash he will experience coming up against them and in many cases he may also cause harm to others besides him.

Virtues and Non-violence

Supposing that a man had a number of wives long term, or if he became awidower or his marriage was annulled or he became divorced, he should not place the status of one wife above the other, nor should he place the children of one wife over those of another. This can cause the break-up and dispersion of the family in many cases, and can sow the seeds of enmity and hatred amongst the children. In extremecases this can end up in injury, beating, murder and suicide.

The wives must also not be jealous of one another72 for this also propagates enmity and all its consequences including murder, especially if one wife has children while the other does not. These kinds of enmities and quarrels as well as being disobedience toGod which warrant punishment in the afterlife also disturb the serenity of life without good reason.

Some friends of mine who have visited parts of Asia and Africa and certain Western countries have told me that the concepts held by some Muslims of hatreds andenmities and quarrels and their consequences are generally not present there.

Human nature often calls for these things but the consequences of them is obvious if a person uses his intelligence and strengthens his faith in God and desires His reward and fears His punishment.

A good upbringing and the development of an environment of tolerance and loving and non-violence are the best way in manifold areas of life.Hence the parents should school themselves and their children in noble morals and praiseworthy virtues and non-violence in marital matters so that they may find happiness in this world and the next.

PartFive : Problems and Safeguards Towards Maintaining Harmony

The Happy Household

Married life can vary greatly from couple to couple. One couple can make their home heavenly and happy through morals and virtues, good habits and sympatheticbehaviour .

Another couple however, can be found to be the opposite of this, one or both of them being uncouth, violent and bad mannered or with bad habits whether it be smoking in the vicinity of the other person which can cause friction, or to be indiscreet and not to say anything, or by eating pungent foods like garlic, onions, and leeks. It is perhaps a familiar sight to see husbands fleeing from their homes to avoid their ill-mannered wives and vice versa when the wife occupies herself in a certain activity in order to avoid her husband.

The humanistic and Islamic view of society is that each of the married couple should respect and be aware of their partner's needs in their life andrealise that they are also a human being with emotions, feelings and sensitivities and that any ill-manneredbehaviour can cause pain and in many cases ends up in divorce and separation.

It is important that eachpartner wherever possible should overlook the slip-ups and mistakes of the other just as the prophet has ordered.

I myself once saw an ill-charactered man drive his wife to death and his second wife followed her. The person of bad characteris generally driven by hisbehaviour towards bad consequences, while good character and morals usually lead to good consequences. This is the principleinvolved which the prophet made clear.

There is no doubt that human natures vary in goodness and badness. However, the effect upon the person of education andselfdevelopment cannot be denied . A person should educate himself in good personal relationships with others, as is mentioned in the Qur'an in the verse: '. . good fellowship'73 .

Maintaining an atmosphere in the household where no one party forces the other to work in the house or for the house can make the household peaceful and happy. Compulsion though can make the house into a hell onearth which can destroy all the occupants including any children there may be.

No to Extravagance! The married couple should avoid in particular extravagance and profligacy.

The difference between the two is that the former is to do with excess where the necessity remains in principle, while the latter is expenditure that is not necessary in the least.

In the Qur'an comes an indication that the seriousness of the second type is greater in the words: 'Spendthrifts are akin to devils'74 , whereas this kind of seriousness has not been said of extravagance. In ahadith it is said 'Pouring out excess water and discarding a date is extravagance'75 .

Certain laws relating to this subjecthave been highlighted in 'The Book of Food and Drink' in 'TheEncyclopaedia of Fiqh'76 . In anotherHadith is said : 'God is merciful; to he who knows his capacity and does not transgress his limit'77 . The lively society isone which makes use even of its refuse. Regarding theQur'anic verse: 'God will revive the dead'77 , the probable meaning is that they are of no use until God revives them and they become of the living.

At times, there may be a sense of competitiveness between the partners or between two families. This causes many evils, much to the delight of Satan, including extravagance,wastage and ostentation to the level of excess.

Imam 'Ali once gave a ruling that camel meat slaughtered as a form of 'one-upmanship' between two tribal leaders was forbidden and it was left to the scavengers. Perhaps the point is that getting the message across is more important than leaving the meat for the scavengers, even though the meatwas slaughtered in a lawful manner.

In anycase it is important that the married couple co-operate together from the outset with a view to creating a family whose basis is love and affection and whose driving force is purposefulness and reality, not squandering and extravagance, false facade and idle boasting.

WorkWithin the Household

Manual work within the household is ablessing which is necessary for psychological well being and beneficial for the body because it leads to health and well being. It is then important that the married couple should concern themselves with handiwork, and that each onechoose for themselves some task or they both undertake it together. We can still remember the days when families use to work in their houses or outside in the garden or in the fields or the farmyards when people used to live a life of self-sufficiency not being in need of outsiders.

I myself remember the problems that the world experienced after World War II and the famine that struck humanityas a result of those wars. However, Iraq and certain other Islamic countries were not as affected by the famine due to their reliance upon their own produce. At that time, all needs were satisfied internally, and we did not need to import more than white sugar and some cloth. People used to make their own clothes on simple looms anddidn't need imported cloth in any great measure. Our father78 (May the mercy of God be upon him) used to tell us to take our tea with dates or molasses whenever we needed sugar. Then, the entire imports of Iraq did not exceed 30 million Dinars, as all our needswere met from within the country.

These days however, after the flood of oil wells, these imports have reached tens of billions of Dinars but look at the state of Iraq, and the state of the people. One glance at the problems, poverty and hunger which is sweeping the country is enough to confirm the reality.79

Therefore a gradual independence from outsiders must be worked towards, through for example making the house into a workstation for the married couple.

It is also important that charitableorganisations help provide opportunities for marriedcouples and facilitate and stimulate work for them.