Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

10 The Daughters Speak Out What the Muslim Converts Would Like Us to Know

Twelve years had passed since Jodi had chosen to become Muslim. The healing had taken years, but I found myself okay with Jodi as Muslim. There are still twinges of regret at times when I see that choice blocking some things we could do together either as mother and daughter or as grandparents and grandchildren. But my respect is there for her and that which her life demonstrates as good and upstanding. I found myself wanting to know more about other women who had converted. How had their families accepted it? Were the daughters able to work it through with their birth families? Could my story help them move toward healing? I really wanted to assist other grieving parents in their acceptance of these daughters and the path they had chosen.

My decision to do something to share with others about the strength and goodness I saw in my daughter's lifestyle and that of her Muslim friends was made one Sunday morning while I was still in bed. I remember swinging my feet out of bed onto the floor and as I got up, it was as if I were taking the first steps toward a new and challenging endeavor. I talked with Jodi about my ideas. She was in the beginning courses of an M. S. degree in nursing, had two young children, and worked part-time. I'm sure she wasn't eager to take on any other responsibilities, but she agreed to invite to her home a few American-born Muslim women to talk about the possibilities. If this was something these women felt was important, I would go ahead with the project.

Only two women came to meet with us, but it was through their support, encouragement, and ideas for proceeding that I felt the determination and enthusiasm to carry out the almost three-year project of gathering information from other American-born Muslim women, writing my own story, and then finding a way to share it. At this first meeting, the Muslim converts discussed how important it was to them to help family members understand better what they had chosen, how and what they were doing, and how they longed for acceptance by their families. They also wanted to share with the population in general what it means to them to be Muslim.

I have learned so much from these women. I am grateful to them for sharing their lives with me through the questionnaire. This project has smoothed over the scars that I didn't even know were there. Daughters of Another Path has been further healing for me, and I salute these women who have the strength to walk in such a path. Not many of us could do it. Through the questionnaires, the women shared their stories about their conversion, their joys and struggles in taking on the Muslim practices, and how they relate with families of origin, husbands and in-laws, their children, and the world of work. The last question to which they responded on the questionnaire was: "What would you like the American public to know about you that has not yet been asked?" What would they say to us? This is what they wrote. Let us hear them.

Who We Are I would like the American public to know that we are people just like them. We struggle to pay bills (we don't all have oil wealth), we worry about tomorrow, we want peace. We just happen to have strong religious convictions and try to live our life to be acceptable to Allah. My husband didn't make me dress this way, and I'm not oppressed. I'm set free-free from the bondage of fashion, clothes, hair, shoes, and the like. Inheritance is guaranteed to me and my children after payment of debts. I don't hate America or Americans. I still love Jesus, and pray to the same one God he referred to. I don't hate Jews or Israel. In fact, I would love to live there if I knew I wouldn't be persecuted. What I do hate is injustice, lies, ungodliness, prejudice, abortion, defiling of flesh, and all disobedience to the commandments of God, because I love God.

I have chosen this way because I like it. I have not given up anything that I didn't want to give up. I have not been brainwashed. I am an educated person with full-thinking capabilities. I am not a traitor to my country but an advocate of the world. I will always be Muslim with or without my husband. I did not become Muslim because I "love" my husband. I do want my children to grow up Muslim. I do expect them to be Muslim and my daughter to wearhijab . Everyone is always asking me these things. I will put my children in an Islamic environment, not a non-Islamic environment, then ask them to be Muslim. The average Muslim seeks peace. All that one hears about are the Muslim extremists, the political revolutionaries. These are a minority. The majority (by the way, Arabs only comprise one-fifth of the Islamic world) are peaceful. Look at the Indonesians we never hear about, and their numbers are far greater than the Arabs.

I am willing to communicate with them and answer questions if they are respectful of my opinions and beliefs.

I became a Muslim of my own free will.

I am a person with my own mind.

I study the facts before commit to something. Islam is the best choice I could ever make.

I am happy being a Muslim woman.

It is very hid to communicate with your family after such a big and complete change I would like to encourage parents of Muslim converts to ask their children why they changed and try to understand them. It's not easy to live in this society after becoming a Muslim. You see things and people differently, and they see you as different, too. It helps a whole lot if you know that your family is at least talking to you about it and trying to comprehend what you are going through and how important this change is to you. We are changing for the better, for the sake of Allah.

The only thing I feel Americans need to know is that if a person or a woman converts to Islam, that it is not because we are being forced into it. No one can force another person to pray, learn Arabic, to put on long sleeves, dresses, cover the hair, or any other practice that a Muslim must do. We are Americans. We have rights just like anyone else to work and to support what we believe in.

I would like to remind the American public that I am a human being just like them. I do not like to be ridiculed. I feel sad when someone mocks the clothing I wear. Would you mock a Christian nun for wearing her habit or an Amish or Mennonite woman for wearing her bonnet? I have not been brainwashed by my husband. I am an intelligent person who chose to become a. Muslim. Islam is founded on the precept that there is no force in religion. You can believe your way and I need to believe my way.

Some people who want to discredit Islam suggest that women are treated like second-class citizens or as inferior to men. They say that Muslim women must feed the men and children first and only eat what is left. This is a gross distortion of the truth. Yes, sometimes women eat later than others do, but it is not a punishment or a sentence imposed on her because she is a woman. When a woman feeds others first, she is doing so because of her love and concern. She knows that children need to eat often to stay healthy and grow normally. She understands that men need to eat to maintain their strength so they can go to work or to school. She makes sure that women who are: pregnant drink their milk, eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, and take their vitamins. She feels that she cannot eat and satisfy her own hunger if others need something.

Muslims do not celebrate Christmas, but we hope that our relatives, neighbors, and co-workers who are Christian have a wonderful holiday. Please do not think that our children are deprived because we do not put up a Christmas tree or decorations. We have other holidays that you are not aware of and we think our children are happy and growing up just fine. I am not oppressed, and it is not degrading to wear proper clothing. I'd like them to know that my husband does the laundry, helps with cleaning (even does the toilet bowl!) and helps look after the children so I can go out. How about the so called liberated woman? Muslim women do not change their name when married. We are not supposed to take our husband's last name. When,insha ' Allah, my daughter is married, her name will remain as she is recognized as an individual, an equal human being. No need for hyphens.

Not all Muslims in America are either foreigners or African-Americans. There are many white-American Muslims in the country. A lot of people find it hard to believe that you can be white and American and a Muslim at the same time. We have more rights than Christian women or any other women. As you can tell, I'm a little different because I feel that the spiritual aspects of my faith are very important, possibly more than the day-to-day problems of what to wear, what to eat, etc. My faith is very deep, however, and will not waver. Something else about me is that I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma over six years ago. I've had one round of chemo and have not needed treatment for five years. I had both my children (five years and fifteen months) after having cancer. My life is very interesting but also difficult with this extra problem thrown in. My faith in God has helped me immensely though this time, and I firmly believe that getting cancer was God's will for me. I am grateful because it has taught me so much: to live now, to love myself and my family, to worry only about big things - "Don't sweat the small stuff'- and it turned my life around to where I'm much more assertive and outspoken than I used to be. But that's a whole other book in itself.

Don't judge me by the few Muslims who do un-Islamic things in the name of Islam. Get to know me, talk to me, invite me to your schools and churches, and let's allow ourselves to dialogue about each other's religion. Don't be afraid of Islam. Get to know me. Ask us what books best describe Islam instead of the paper or anti-Islamic books written by "Middle East experts." Don't think I am repressed by my clothes. When you look at me, look at Abraham's wife and Jesus' mother and how they are dressed. It is nothing new. It is part of your heritage.

I have mixed feelings. I do public speaking on Islam. I tell people we are just like them. We have our dreams and goals and love our families, but some of our attitudes and approaches to problem-solving are different. We are not oppressed or repressed by our faith, but only by ourselves. We are as are all people-good and bad. Americans and Europeans must be careful because those governments have an agenda that is definitely anti-Muslim (our own Congress passed a resolution in the mid '80s declaring Islam to be the greatest danger to the U.S.). They must filter what they are told and seek truth. We Muslims must stop hiding and making excuses and speak for ourselves. In many ways, we represent the positive and often imaginary values which founded this nation but with some very positive differences. As Muslims we need to clean our own closets, shake ourselves up, and re-examine what we are passing off as Islam before we start knocking on anyone's door to tell them about it.

(From new single convert in her 40s with a teenage daughter] Being Muslim is the best and the hardest thing in my life. It is all the answers and all the tools. I was fired from my job on February 28, 1994. I am filing a claim with the Ohio Civil Rights Commission because I feel my termination was due to my reversion [sometimes this word is used in place of "conversion"] to Islam. With every struggle comes ease. The Qur'an is an infinite source of answers, counsel, and warning. I am grateful to Allah for these struggles, yet as a weak human I continue to vacillate between joy 80 percent of the time and something less positive 20 percent of the time. The greatest blessings for me in Allah include my reliance on Allah , my loss of my previously short temper (it's gone!), learned patience, and the peace and tranquility reflected by my Muslim name which means for all of us, Allah is there, Allah is there. The greatest difficulty is to give up old habits of trying to control my life, a need to understand, and to accept the fact that although Islam is perfect, Muslims are not.

I am not a foreigner. I am not an alien. I expect them to treat me and my family with the respect that we deserve. I wish the culture and government of this country could have a system for a standard of living that would allow a Muslim family to live without going into debt or welfare. I want people to know that I don't worship cows, that I don't get oppressed because of Islam, that Islam frees women, that I worship the same God as Christians and Jews, and that Muslims are not all terrorists! I wish people would open their minds and stop being so ignorant. Stop staring and laughing at women who wearhijab ! It's their right and their husbands/fathers aren't forcing them to do so! Accept us as Americans, and live and let live! We are not stupid and we are here to serve Allah (SWT) first and not our men. Our duty is this life, and we are happy with our choice.

Just because I cover my head does not make me a weirdo, a fundamentalist, a suppressed woman, or a weak woman. I hate it that everywhere I go people stare (sometimes with mean looks). I just want to be left alone to live my life as I want. One of the biggest misconceptions is that all Muslims are from the Middle East or are married to someone from this region. This is not the case. There are thousands of American Muslims who learned about Islam from other Americans. Both my husband and I are examples of this fact.

oThe best thing that ever happened to me in my life was becoming Muslim. Although my religious and political. views may differ from many Americans, I would hope that they would be open-minded enough to know that "different" doesn't always equal "bad." Muslim women (who are granted their rights under Islam) are not chained to their houses or beaten regularly or tortured. We are part of society, and have a most important task. As Imam Ali said, "Nations are raised on the laps of mothers." We have a very important job to do. I would hope that the American public would not belittle that job.

What Islam Is About

Americans need to understand that Muslims are just living their lives by how they feel Allah (SWT) wants us to live. We are a very misunderstood religion. We are also the most growing religion in the world. In ten years we will,insha ' Allah, be the second largest religion in the United States. Why are Americans turning from Christianity to Islam? Americans need to look past the stereotypes and look to the real Islam, the Islam of peace, the Islam which is getting more and more followers every day. Getting an Islamic society, to me, doesn't mean being fanatical or militant. It means having a society where the members are following the moral codes that Allah gave to us, as well as the religious obligations and social laws. Islam governs all of our lives. It is for all time, for all peoples. If Americans looked closely at Islam and realized that, then Islam would at last be understood.

Islam is not a prison for women as has been the belief in America for many years! It has sensible guidelines and laws as every decent society has, but Islam is flexible, where some others are "written in stone" and cannot be altered. I would like the American public to realize that Muslim women are not second-class citizens. We don't walk behind our husbands, and we do have inalienable rights. Islam is not an extremist religion. Islam does not believe in extremes. Islam always promotes the middle road. Islam is not an Arab thing or an African-American thing; it is a religion for all peoples of all nationalities. Islam is a timeless religion that is suitable for all times and places. The beauty and antiquity of Islam has no bounds. In summary, Islam is a religion of peace and happiness.

If you ever saw what Islam really is, you would adore it immediately. As yet it is only an ideal in our minds! The marriage relationship is protected and sexuality blossoms behind the veil! The streets would be safe. Your children would not be exposed to sex and drugs. They would receive a values education and practical skills. Your husband's income would be enough to support the family, leaving you free to either work or have as many babies as you want, to study and grow in other ways.

People would not live in fear of unemployment or mortgage foreclosure. The economy would be based on small local businesses and an interest-free banking system. Life would be affordable again. All that is only the beginning. If you could ever enter a beautiful, spacious mosque and participate in true prayer to God Most High, you would become truly satisfied and dignified. Some day all this will be ours by God's mercy.

Islam is a way of life! It has answers on every aspect of life. I choose Islam as my way of life by conviction-not by force or for my husband. I love my Islam and I feel that when I was born I was a Muslim and was raised Christian. Now I have reverted-not converted-to the true and straight path. I have achieved success. I've come back to Islam! May Allah always keep my heart pure and on the straight path.

As a Muslim woman I would like to say that Islam has liberated me in many ways. Most Americans see Muslim women as an oppressed lot, but I would like them to know that if Muslim women are oppressed, it's because they forsake the true Islam and follow their country's cultural practices. Islam throws away all the garbage that keeps women down and lifts them up to a status of self-respect and confidence. Most American women feel that they are the most liberated women on earth, but they are not really relieved from the bonds of oppression. Anyone who has to have a perfect body for fear of rejection, anyone who has to reveal their bodies to receive so-called "attention," anyone who gets paid less for equal work versus a male counterpart, anyone in those categories is still oppressed, and the only solution is to throw the chains of bondage away and accept God and Islam in their life.

The American Muslim woman is not oppressed and our cover (hijab ) is our right, not a punishment. We consider the Western way of life a step backward not forward. The Middle Eastern woman may see the so-called glamour of American Western lifestyle because their country practices culture and not Islam. If Islam was really practiced in the countries of my Eastern sisters, Western (females) would be fighting for Islamic rights.

The one most important issue I would like to get across, not only to the American public but even to many Muslims themselves, is that Islam must be judged on its own merits and not on the behavior of Muslims. Islam is a perfect system because it was created by God, just as we were. We, however, were not created perfect. We have free will and we choose our ways of life and make our own decisions; sometimes they are the correct decisions and sometimes they aren't. Also, I hope that non-Muslims will someday understand that every Muslim, true Muslim who lives by the laws of God, is a fundamentalist, and would understand the true meaning of that word. Regardless of the 1400 years that have passed since the teachings of God through the Prophet Muhammad, Islam has not changed. In fact, the laws of God have never changed since Adam was created by God. God is not creating different humans than he did before. We are all human beings created by God. When we are born we have the same needs for love, affection, food, protection, and the same need to worship a higher being. These needs change as we mature and become shaped by our environment, but they remain essentially human needs. Change, however, never starts with countries, or leaders. It starts in the home, with the children, where the women rule. As soon as the Muslim women of the world realize this, the changes for the better will begin.

How We, As Muslims, Experience America

+Americans in general seem to have a tendency to stereotype. They see us in a scarf and automatically think our husbands dominate us and that we are conservative. +This response will be the hardest because of the bitterness I feel toward this country. "The land of the free, home of the brave . ." is nonexistent and the hypocrisy of this government really burns me up. The arrogance of this society that this is the best society and culture on earth in terms of women rights, human rights, children rights, minority rights is exasperating. The statement I make to people when they push their superiority on me is "This is America where everyone has a right to choose what they want to believe." Personally, I do not believe the American experiment is working. The society has been stripped of all values and Christian churches have warped the Bible so badly by giving people the philosophy that all sins will be forgiven and whatever feels good do it. I know that no society is perfect, but I want to increase my children's odds of success by putting them in an environment of a one-culture society, the culture and society with values that we hold important-a society with a limited amount of choices as to acceptable behavior. My husband and I can provide the high-tech opportunities of the West without poisoning our children with the value-deficient culture of the United States.

American women have chosen or accepted Islam through research and understanding and not by force or influence from their husbands. Just because there is a story of one crazy Iranian who abused his family-even if it is true doesn't mean the whole country is like that. I urge people to think about what kinds of abuse and molestations go on here every second! I urge the American people to use their God-given brain and not to sleep through life!

It gives me great pain to know that Muslims and Islam are so terribly misunderstood by the majority of Americans, which gives rise to hatred, dirty looks, and rude comments, which impedes our rights as Americans to practice our religion freely. This country was founded by religious people seeking a country where they would not be persecuted for their beliefs. We are now even more of a melting pot than ever, and if we want to succeed as a nation and keep the ideals of the Constitution alive, we have to understand, accept and respect each other, regardless of religion, customs, or style of dress. I-strongly encourage all Americans, whenever they see a woman in long, modest clothing covering all but her hands and face, instead of staring and feeling sorry for her, smile, greet her in peace, knowing that she is a strong, confident person trying to worship her God and your God the best she can. We are all citizens of this country where we are supposed to be free to worship as we please. Let's work together to keep it that way.

Epilogue

When Jodi came home to visit us that Thanksgiving day and shared the news with us of her conversion to Islam, it was like she had stabbed us with a knife. How could our sweet daughter do anything as bizarre as this? Both my husband, Joe, and myself were deeply hurt. Certainly, Jodi did not want to hurt us-but she had-and we were unable to understand what she had done. We were numb, but we were also angry and not sure we wanted our daughter as a part of our family. A decision would need to be made. Should we just consider she was no longer welcome in our home and treat her as if she were dead?

Jodi was not the first daughter who had disappointed her parents by making a decision contrary to their tradition. In fact, daughters and sons rarely make decisions that are completely in harmony with parental wishes. Oftentimes we have discovered the parental response is "get out and never come back; you are dead to our family." We were very fortunate that we were able to resist such a temptation. It could be worked out. As a family we would try to understand, and in trying to understand, we also have journeyed on another path and discovered a way of life which although strange to Americans, is wholesome and fulfilling for many of those who have chosen the Muslim experience.

Part of the discovery was that the media portrayal of Islam which is generally negative, does not often view the positive kinds of things that are happening. The negative sells. Therefore, the view most often displayed does not consider the wonderful, strong women I have met through this study who have chosen to resist the path of purely personal gratification and instant pleasure. Choosing Islam in America is not an easy path. Muslims are considered to be strange by most Americans. Wearing a scarf; refusing social drinks, not gambling, not being patriotic to the United States or Canada-those are not ways to win friends. Some seem to dismiss those who convert as just "not very smart." A study of Muslims in this country would no doubt reveal a very high number of professionals-doctors, engineers, nurses, professors, business men and women, teachers-along with blue collar workers, students, and homemakers.

The prevailing view by many Americans is that Muslims are terrorists, and they are quickly blamed whenever there is an act of terrorism. This prejudice has resulted in many attacks on Muslims. Following the bombing in Oklahoma City, in April 1995, Muslims across the country suffered personal indignities as the media quickly blamed the attack on Muslim terrorists. Many Muslims were spit on, crudely addressed, threatened, or in other ways put down as if they were responsible for the bombing just by being Muslim. Such behavior may not represent the bulk of the American population; however, it does demonstrate a certain bias against a religious minority in this country.

The United States of America was founded by those seeking the opportunity to worship freely and according to their own desires. We who are citizens of the United States have been quite proud of our history of religious freedom. Whether or not we intend to allow that freedom to be equally shared will be tested as Islam and other Eastern religions begin to grow and take their place in this culture. Islam is one of the fastest growing religions on the North American continent, and it is important to know and understand these people who seek to live and find happiness among us.

Sometimes loved ones make choices that cause reactions in us ranging from heart-wrenching to heart-warming. Some choices may push us too far, and we may respond asTevya did, in Fiddler On the Roof, at the marriage of his third daughter when he indicated that there was no "other hand" because if he bent that much (to accept what she had done, who she had married), he would break. By contrast, some choices our daughters make (and sons, too), may open us up to the world around us if we allow ourselves to explore this new path in the spirit of adventure and discovery. Jodi's decision to follow Islam was the beginning of such a walk for my husband and me. In our walk, we have discovered many wonderful people trying to live full and abundant lives by trying to eliminate the mediocrity of the present-day culture and attempting to bring up their children to respect God and the rights of others. The choice was there to accept or reject, and thanks be to God, we decided to take the road of acceptance. It has been an exciting and fulfilling journey sharing with and learning from these daughters of another path.

Appendix A:

Letter and Questionnaire: American-Born Women Converted to Islam (Collected from September 1993 through July 1994)

TO: American-born women who have converted to Islam

FROM: CarolAnway , a parent whose daughter, Jodi, converted to Islam and JodiTahireh Mohammadzadeh , the daughter who converted RE: A research project to foster understanding of the choice to convert to Islam and the effect of that choice on one's life DATE: September 1993 Twelve years ago our daughter, Jodi, married a young man from Iran and about two years later converted to Islam. Although we were very accepting of our new son-in-law, it was a struggle to accept this change of religion which Jodi chose. We are so grateful that they lived close enough so that we had time to work through our relationship with her and Reza regarding their lifestyle and traditions that were so new to us. That relationship has been enriched even more by the coming of two grandchildren.

Friends and acquaintances are familiar with the book and movie, Not Without My Daughter, and other articles that are very negative. They do not understand the strength and quality of life Jodi and her other American Muslim sisters have in their Islamic commitment. We want to share a more realistic image by gathering and sharing some of your stories through a descriptive research and possible articles or book. Carol, the director of the research project, has a master's degree in education/counseling. Jodi is working on her master's degree in nursing. We will be assisted by a small group of American-born women who have converted to Islam and are professional educators. This is a cross-sectional study of women in major urban areas of the United States and Canada. The study is based on those American-born women who have converted to Islam and wear the covering (hijab ).

whether married or unmarried. Our intent is to gather stories of women from a wide geographical area of the United States and Canada by their completing this questionnaire.

The purpose of this study is to explore and describe the effect that conversion to Islam has had on the lives of American-born women and their families. We want to emphasize the positive aspects as well as acknowledge stresses that have occurred. We hope, through the writings that will result from this study, to encourage the families of origin of American Muslim women to work through their struggle to understand and accept this choice to convert to Islam. The data in the attached questionnaire contains both objective and subjective questions to answer. This will assist you in describing your experiences as a Muslim woman.

The questionnaire collection period has been extended from May 15 to June 15 but we would like for you to send your completed questionnaire to us as soon as possible. We want to reinforce the confidentiality of this project. Carol will be the only one who will know what name goes with what data and will be very careful to keep what you share separate from your name. However the data gathered will be used in articles and possibly a book to reflect the data and stories collected.

If you have any questions about the study, please call Carol at 816/2527541 in the Kansas City area.

Sincerely,

CarolAnway and JodiTahireh Mohammadzadeh

P.O. Box 27

Lee's Summit, MO 64063

AMERICAN-BORN WOMEN CONVERTED TO ISLAM QUESTIONNAIRE

by Carol AndersonAnway and JodiTahireh Mohammadzadeh

Directions: Thank you for your willingness to respond to this questionnaire. There are two parts to it. The first and last pages are easy-just collecting information. The rest of the pages present questions for you to respond by writing down your own experiences. After filling out page one, respond about your own personal experiences using the questions in small print to guide your responses where appropriate. You may write in the spaces on the questionnaire or on separate sheets of paper.

Please feel free to make copies of this questionnaire and introductory letter to give to other American-born women who have converted to Islam. Encourage them to fill it out and return it within 6 weeks after receiving the questionnaire.

I. STATISTICAL DATA

Age---- Vocation-------- Work Status ------------ Education (Circle highest achieved) Grade School High School AA BA/BS MA/MS Doctorate Other ----------- Education at time of conversion: ----------------------------- Marital Status--------Never Married--------Married --------Divorced --------Widowed If married, nationality of husband-------- Years Married-------- Number of children-------- Ages-------- If school age, are they in--------Islamic --------public school----home school

How many years have you been Muslim? ------------ Check the areas of Islam which you practice: ----wear cover (hijab ) ----daily prayers ----fasting during Ramadan ----eat only approved meats ----on-going study of Qur'an and Islamic teachings Name------------- Phone (--------))---------------- Address----------------

II. YOUR CONVERSION TO ISLAM

Describe the process of your conversion to Islam. What was your religious commitment prior to converting to Islam and the extent of that commitment? Describe the changes that you needed to make in your life as a result of your conversion and practice of Islam. Were there areas left behind that caused you grief and loss?

How has this change helped you be what you wanted to be? What has been (or is) the most meaningful part of Islam for you?

III. LEARNING TO LIVE AND PRACTICE AS A MUSLIM

How did you learn to live as a Muslim?

Who was most helpful to you?

What was most helpful to you?

To what extent has it been easy or difficult for you to take on the religious practices?

IV. YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN

What effect has your choice to be Muslim had on your relationship with your parents and other family members? What do you hope for in regard to your relationship with parents or family? What were or are the main points or events of stress (if any) with your family of origin?

How do you manage the celebration of traditional holiday times? How do you include your family of origin in your Islamic celebrations? What are the difficulties or pleasures for you when you visit your family or leave your children with them?

V. YOUR HUSBAND

How did you meet your husband? What were the characteristics that attracted you to him? What needs did you have in your life that this man seemed to fill for you? What part did he have in your conversion? How did your family of origin accept your husband? 1. before marriage as your friend 2. as yourfiancee 3. as your husband Tell about your marriage ceremony. What elements of Islam were in the ceremony?

VI. THE HOMELAND OF ORIGIN OF YOUR HUSBAND

To what extent does your daily life include the traditions and culture of your husband's country? What are your goals in regard to living in your husband's country or U.S./Canada? What citizenship does your husband now hold? VII. YOUR HUSBAND'S FAMILY Have you met your husband's immediate family? If so, tell about the experience. How have you been accepted by his family? If you move to the area where his family is, how do you expect to fit in? What benefits or problems do you anticipate in relating to your husband's family?

VIII. YOUR POSITION AS A WOMAN

What are the rights you are experiencing as a Muslim woman? What are some areas you are grateful for or are apprehensive about in your position as a woman in your marriage?

What are some areas you feel are not open to you in your position as a Muslim woman?

IX. CHILD REARING

(If you have children) How are your child rearing techniques influenced by being Muslim? To what extent is your husband involved in child care?. What are your rights and obligations with the children? What are their rights and obligations to you?

X. YOUR CHANCE TO EXPRESS OTHER VIEWS AND THOUGHTS

What would you like the American public to know about you that has not yet been asked?

Appendix B: Questionnaire: Parents of American-Born Women Converted to Islam

(Questionnaires for the parents were sent to most of the women when they responded to the original questionnaire. It was their choice whether or not to send this one on to the parents. A letter was enclosed with the parent questionnaire that was similar to the letter sent with the questionnaire to the women.)

PARENT QUESTIONNAIRE

I. STATISTICAL DATA

Name: Phone: Address: Daughter's Name: Years Muslim: Level Ed.: Level Ed. of Spouse: Vocation: Spouse's Vocation: No. of Children You Have:

On a scale of 1 to 10 rate how you felt about your daughter's conversion to Islam in the first few days you received the news. May indicate both mom and dad.

Rate how you presently feel about your daughter's conversion

1. Tell about your daughter's conversion to Islam.

2. Tell about the effect your daughter's conversion and commitment to Islam has had on the family.

3. What do you hope for in regard to your relationship with yourdz"ghtz in the future?

4. What were or are the main points or event of stress with your daughter (and husband and grandchildren if applicable)?

5. How do you manage the celebration of traditional holiday times?

6. How are you included in their Islamic celebration or how do you wish to be included?

7. What are the difficulties or pleasure for you when your daughter (and her family, if any) visits in your home or you visit with them?

8. If your daughter is married to a Muslim, tell about the experience of that event for you.

9. At the present time, what are your greatest concerns regarding your daughter and her conversion?

10. What effect, if any, has this experience had on your theology and religious commitment?

3. Changing Path American Women Choosing to Become Muslim

We were with Jodi for two days one summer attending a friend's wedding. She and Reza had been married or two years and were studying at the University of Arkansas, about an eight-hour drive from our home. She seemed so different, yet I liked her mature manner and her kindness. When making a hair appointment, she was careful to insist on a female rather than a male beautician. Even though it was in the middle of a hot summer, she wore long sleeves. Her conversation was serious as she spoke of what she was learning about Islam. On the way to the wedding, we talked. Jodi sat with her dad in the front seat. She turned around to look at me sitting in the backseat and said, "Mom, who do you believe Jesus was?"

"Well, Jodi, you know. You've been going to church all your life," I replied. "But, Mom, I want to hear you tell me now." And so I told her what I thought was basic to the Christian belief of Jesus' birth, of his ministry, of his being the Son of God, of his death and resurrection for our salvation. "Then Jesus is God?" Jodi asked.

"Yes, Jesus is part of the Trinity," I replied, "and throughout his teaching and ministry, he points us toward God." I felt frustrated. Somehow her responses left me feeling inadequate. Why couldn't I do better? Even though she didn't say so, I could feel her moving toward an Islamic viewpoint. Well, no chance of her going all the way, I comforted myself. All too soon Jodi was gone again, back into the world of university studies with her husband, Reza. We, too, returned to our home and jobs. We kept in touch with Jodi by phone. With each call, we felt the gap widening. She was a natural at imitating others and often sounded like an Iranian trying to learn English as she imitated her friends' accents. She talked of cooking-not American foods but Iranian cuisine. She spoke only of her Muslim friends-not Christian or even American friends. We couldn't quite define it, but there was a shift.

November came and Jodi and Reza came home for Thanksgiving. We had been apprehensive but looked forward to it. We really loved those two, and we missed them. Jodi came through the door. She was wearing a long dress over her jeans and sweater. She carried a scarf in her hand, and her hair was flat against her head. We embraced, then sat and talked in a rather stilted, surface manner. It was late and time to retire. Reza went out to carry in the suitcases. As I got up, Jodi came over by me.

"Mom, I need to talk to you." I turned my back and headed for the kitchen. Tears were welling up in my eyes. No, I wouldn't talk with her. I couldn't stand what I thought she had to say. "Not now," I answered without looking at her. The next day was Thanksgiving. We were all heading to Grandma's house, an hour's drive away. "Mom, we won't be eating the turkey or dressing. We're only eating approved meats." Well, big deal! See if I care! I wouldn't look at or acknowledge her. She had the long dress on over her jeans again, and as we walked out the door, she put on the scarf so it covered all her hair. I sat in the front seat and sulked the entire trip. The rest of the family seemed to carry on as usual-Reza and Jodi, her two brothers, and her dad. I managed to avoid her the whole day until that night back at the house.

"Mom, we have to talk."

"I don't want to hear it." "You've got to hear it, Mom, please." I finally gave in, and we sat down. "Morn, I've converted to Islam. I was already Muslim this summer, but I wasn't ready to tell you then. I needed to grow stronger before I told you." The signs are often there that our young adults are changing from the path we want for them, yet we aren't sure just what to do about it. Consequently, we frequently ignore it, hoping the whole situation will go away, and we won't have to deal with it. As young adults, our children are beyond our control; they encounter many new ideas and new perspectives in the world, and they make their own decisions.

Daughters Learning of a New Path

Of the respondents to the questionnaire, 63 percent were married to Muslims before their conversions. Their attitudes toward Islam at the time of marriage ranged from fear of Islam to having already investigated Islam on their own. Twenty-three percent converted before marriage and later met and married a Muslim, while 6 percent who converted are still single. Only one woman responded as having become Muslim even though married to a white, American, non-Muslim male. None of these women felt compelled by their husbands to study Islam and convert. In many instances it was the searching of the wife that drew the husband back into practice of his religion. These Muslim men (often not practicing) seemed, for the most part, to be well-versed in their religion. It wasn't a case of not knowing what Islam was and what it required; it was being away from family in a land where it was difficult to practice Islam that fostered less involvement. Family responsibilities and a searching, supportive wife naturally drew them again into the practice of their faith.

Although the stories of these women vary in the specifics, there are many commonalities in their introduction and conversion to Islam. The majority of women were introduced to Islam by the husband. Others were introduced by classes they took in college, and a few by acquaintance with Muslim neighbors or from having visited in an Islamic country. Islam touched in them a need they felt. Each in her own way chose to accept Islam and makeshahada , declaring herself as Muslim by acknowledging "There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is a messenger of Allah." The following stories help us gain a sense of the variety of ways they learned about Islam and the conversion experiences that brought these women to the point of declaration.

The Witness of the Significant Other

The desire to further a relationship with a Muslim who had become a significant other was a motivator for some to investigate Islamic beliefs more seriously.

I met my husband in 1983. Prior to that I held all the common stereotypes of Islam, that it was medieval, subjugated women, and was violent. I never had any formal exposure to Islam despite a master's level education. Although not practicing the prayers or fasting regularly, my husband was very sure that Islam was the true religion of God. I was aware that although I was under no obligation to convert, he would not marry me without my committing to raise any children we would have as Muslims. I felt he had a sound value system and my initial exposure to the Qur'an did not convince me one way or the other, but I saw nothing I felt adverse about in raising our children Muslim. In 1988, our first son was 18 months old. Our marriage was in deep trouble for a variety of reasons. I turned to the Qur'an to find ways I could use it to manipulate my husband into counseling. Our conflict reached a zenith in September, 1988, and I asked him for a separation. I felt I had no options, even though I still loved him. I was calm driving to work. Out of my soul came an intense pain, and I cried out loud for God to help me. At that moment I recognized my desire to be Muslim, and it did not matter if my marriage broke up or not. I wanted to be Muslim for me.

I met my husband at Louisiana Tech University. He didn't want to have an illegal relationship with me, so he immediately proposed marriage, asked me if I was interested in reading about Islam and becoming Muslim, and he actually asked me to put a cover on my hair. I was insulted by the last two requests, and at eighteen, I wasn't sure I wanted to get married. I was attracted to him and wanted to be with him. He discontinued contact with me. I went home and read on my own about Islam. I changed and wanted to many him.

[From one who wasunchurched ] My husband was supportive in helping me put my life together. I was recovering once again from emotional problems. He really had very little to do with my conversion. He introduced me to Islam but never asked me to convert. Islam does not require me to, but he returned fully to his religion. As I saw him gradually acquire an inner peace, I became envious. Inner peace was what I sought. So I asked for literature. The more I read, the more I wanted to learn. Islam means "submission to the will of God" or "inner peace." I felt God himself was leading me.

Learning About Islam in an Islamic Country

Some of the women actually visited Muslim countries and were profoundly affected by the people and their practice of Islam. They observed the lifestyles and the norms as lived out in an Islamic-based culture. When I was eighteen I married my boyfriend because he was going to Vietnam. I decided to enlist in the Medical Corps. Around that time I was studying Judaism [although a Christian at the time], mainly because they did not believe in the Jesus as Savior thing. But I found out I did accept Jesus as a prophet and the Jews did not! I also accepted the virgin birth, which was another no-no, but everything else about their beliefs was okay with me-much different than the arguments I had with pastors and priests before, so I sort of considered myself a Jew-non-Jew type person.

I was a trained combat nurse and was present during the last days before Saigon fell in Vietnam. (Yes! A bona fide Vietnam veteran with a bronze star and 2 purple hearts!) In 1978 I was sent to Saudi Arabia because the United Nations needed trained personnel to conduct a relief campaign for immunization and care of the cholera epidemic sweeping through south Saudi Arabia, Oman, and Yemen regions. Many children were dying as well as old people. When I could, I watched the Bedouins pray several times a day and the only word I could make out was "Allah," but the devotion of those people impressed me.

I took a tour of the Middle East in early 1980 with my husband. In Cairo my "light bulb" went from dim to bright as I continued my study of Islam. My marriage was in the process of ending and when the divorce came, I had a nervous breakdown because my family and my husband's [family] were trying to "deprogram" me from this dangerous, religious "cult" I had become fascinated with. I buckled under and simply cracked from the confusion.

After intense therapy, 1 moved south to return to college and finish my half-completed bachelor's degree. There I met many Muslim students who wondered at my knowledge of their religion. Six months later I was reading the Qur'an full-time and took myshahada during Ramadan in 1989. +My conversion started when I took a religion class at Purdue University, This first introduction to Islam struck my mind and made more sense (and later, total sense) than other religions I studied. Then I decided to join a study summer tour to Egypt to visit a Muslim. country firsthand, to see the mosques, to talk: with the people. This opened my mind tremendously. From that point on, Islam was the only way for me to go. When I got back from Egypt, I went to the local mosque, and the sisters helped me begin my path of knowledge and life. In November 1993 I converted and have found peace in my life. Before converting I was not religious. I was drinking and being "wild." Islam taught me that this life is the judgment for the after-life and pleasing Allah (SWT) is most important.

I studied Islam as part of my college major in African and Middle Eastern Studies. . I did not believe anyone could truly practice Islam in the present age.

I traveled to West Africa as a volunteer and stayed 3 months. In that time, I met true Muslims. When they heard the call to prayer, they ran to the mosque. If someone had extra money beyond his basic needs, he gave it to someone less fortunate. The name of Allah was always on their tongues. The more I was with them, the more I wanted to embrace Islam.

I became very sick and had to be evacuated to a hospital in the capital. I had no one to comfort me-all my friends were far away. All I could do was pray. I prayed almost constantly for three days. I remembered the conversion story of Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens); he was drowning and promised God he would devote his life to God if God spared his life. I did the same. Within two days, I was back in the village with my Muslim friends, but I still resisted converting.

I was miserable when I returned to the U.S. I could no longer function in a society so far removed from what I wanted. I met many American and Arab Muslims who encouraged me ever so gently to let go and submit to Allah. I became so exhausted from trying to resist the pull of Islam that finally on January 21, 1989, I converted. These women seemed to have a fascination with what they observed in the Islamic countries. They were moved by what they saw and felt, and they responded by becoming part of that which was introduced to them.

The Witness of Muslim Neighbors and Acquaintances

Some of the young women met Muslims in this country who influenced them by their daily living and practice. They sensed in the Muslims personal strength that seemed to come from their beliefs. Sometimes the Muslims' witness was verbal as they responded to questions, but more often it was how they chose to live their lives.

I was fifteen years old when I first started to learn about Islam. A Saudi family moved in next door, and I was fascinated by their behavior, dress, language, and religion. The wife and I became very close, but it took four years for me to convert. They never pushed it on me; they simply answered my questions and showed me great kindness and hospitality. All throughout high school, though I was not a Muslim, I stayed away from negative elements. It came from my Saudi friends' influence. So when I converted, the only real things I changed were my clothing and leisure time activities such as concerts, movies, and sports.

Before becoming Muslim, I was an atheist and had withdrawn from the church; however, I wasn't closed toward long and in-depth discussions about God and this world. After several years of satisfying but "burnout" type working, I started traveling through South Central America and ended up in Texas. A Muslim community welcomed me to stay and sort out my total and utterly miserable confusion. By the will of Allah, I was guided toward becoming Muslim, saying theshahada , and wanting to be married. This then settled me into a new identity and a different life orientation but without totally losing the old "me." +My husband wasn't practicing his religion at the time I met him so he had no objections when I decided to go back to church and take the kids. The only thing he requested was that we eat no pork. Visitors from Egypt to my father's business let me see for the first time Islam in full practice. It was then that my husband began to think about putting it in his life more seriously.

Then my aunt married a Muslim, and I spent much time there asking questions about Islam. In 1990 I gave birth to my fourth child, and I was caught unaware in my belief. What I mean is I really didn't know I believed in Islam. But one night Allah made the truth to hit me, It felt like a rock, and I cried like my three-week-old daughter that night as I sat staring at my plaque of the Lord's Prayer.

I kept my belief a secret even from my husband for another two weeks. I told him on the phone one day when he called me from work. He immediately started asking me why. He told me it was very serious, that I shouldn't "hop on to it." One must be convinced and not compelled. He cut me short saying "We'll talk about it when I get home." He later told me after he hung up the phone, he cried and thanked God. He promised to try to begin a new life and practice Islam to the full extent. He told me that night, he whispered the call to prayer in our newborn's right ear and the readiness call in her left-something he had not done with our other children. +In 1983, through friends I met an Arab woman, and we became best friends. One day she asked if I could babysit her daughters, and I did. One night before the kids went to bed they told me their prayers and also wanted to teach me. The next day, she asked me if I considered Jesus the Son of God. I replied, "Really, I have no religion but tell me more about your religion, Islam." It took me two more years from then to sayshahada .

I volunteered to help tutor Saudi women who were studying English as a second language. I found it odd that these women refused to have a man tutor them, but after checking out and reading several books on Islam from the public and school libraries, I began to understand these "mysterious" ladies in black. The women began to open up more and more and invited me into their homes and my knowledge of Islam unfolded, really respected the religion as I saw it practiced on a daily basis.

It wasirn the spring of 1988 that I really began to practice. I contacted the local Islamic Association and joined a sister's Qur'an study group. There I met sisters who were and still are great role models and guiding forces for me yet today. The impact of devout and dedicated Muslims on the lives of these women supports the church growth principle that in Christianity most are converted to a church because of someone they know who influences their lives toward accepting Christ and the church. These women sensed that living as a Muslim fulfilled these people spiritually and they, too, wanted to feel very close to God by being a true Muslim. Learning About Islam in the College Setting Many of the women made contact with Islam for the first time in the college setting. It may have been through specific religion courses, books they read for general college classes, or Muslim students or friends they associated with on campus. Hearing about Islam greatly interested them.

I was meeting with a group of international studentsass part of a conversation group program to practice English. As I listened to a Palestinian man talk about his life, his family, his faith, it struck a nerve in me. The more I learned about Islam the more I became interested in it as a possibility for my own life.

The following term the group disbanded, but I registered for a class "Introduction to Islam." This class "'fought back all the concerns I had about Christianity. As I learned about Islam, all of my questions were answered. All of us are not punished for Adam's original sin. Adam asked God for forgiveness and our merciful and loving God forgave him. God doesn't require a blood sacrifice in payment for sin. We must sincerely ask for forgiveness and amend our ways. Jesus wasn't God; he was a prophet like all the other prophets. They all taught the same message: believe in the One true God, worship and submit to God alone, and live a righteous life according to the guidance he has sent. This answered all my questions about the Trinity and the nature of Jesus (all God, all human, or a combination?). God is a perfect and fair judge, who will reward or punish us based on our faith and righteousness. I found a teaching that put everything in its proper perspective, and appealed to my heart and intellect. It seemed natural. It wasn't confusing. I had been searching. I found a place to rest my faith.

I was in college taking psychology and sociology but felt a need to turn back to religion even though I didn't agree with Christianity a whole lot, especially the way it had been presented to me before in life. After shopping around at all the different religions like Hinduism, Buddhism, I enrolled in the religious studies class in college and took literature of the Old Testament. One of the things that came up was going back to look at the roots of Christianity. It seemed that Christianity was okay then, but it got changed to the point to where women were not really accepted, as well as other changes. Reading through the texts, I came across things that the pastors in our church had never talked about. It really shook me, and it made me begin to question the Bible.

My husband gave me a Qur'an as a wedding gift, and it just sat on the shelf during the time I was taking the religion classes. After that we went to Syria to visit the family. I couldn't speak the language so I had a lot of time on my hands. So I read the whole thing, and while reading it I was looking for things that seemed incorrect or were problems to me. I came across things in the English translation that bothered me, like "Lightly beat your wife." So I would say to my husband, "How can you believe this stuff?" Then he would say, "No, in Arabic that's not the way it really is," and would explain from the original. 1 went through the whole thing and couldn't find anything inaccurate. And I thought, "Well, this is better than anything else I've seen." I converted in 1988. +1 was Roman Catholic. I studied African-American studies as part of my work toward a degree in social sciences. After reading The Autobiography of Malcolm X, I felt compelled to understand the power behind Brother Malcolm's transformation after making hall, when he returned to the U.S. and said that racism is not a part of Islam. As I began to study, I felt certain that lightning would strike me down 'for studying another religion. I studied casually for three months, intensely for the next three months, then madeshahada to Allah before I first stepped into amasjid for the first time on May 29, 1993. On May 30, 1993, I madeshahada in front of witnesses in themasjid .

The change was not a choice for me; it was going home. It gave me answers to questions I'd had and questions I didn't have. I love Islam. I love the concept ofummah . Alhamdulillah, that Allah has seen me fit to test.

Searching to Fill the Spiritual Void

Many of the respondents were searching for something in the spiritual area to fill the void in their lives. It was through this openness that many began to receive the pull toward Islam. This need is reflected in most of the descriptions the women give of their conversion experience.. They may have come to the conversion point from a variety of situations, but most were receptive because of the need within themselves and the gentle persuasion of the Muslim person Of resource which touched their hearts and souls. +I married someone who was not a Christian and we both were non-practicing in anything religious. I still thought of myself as a Christian. "What else is there," I thought. I still held my belief of God and his creation of the earth, but wasn't sure of the other beliefs I was taught growing up.

The year after my divorce in 1990 I started thinking about what I needed, about what I believed. Early in 1991 I started checking books out of the library and reading about Islam, more because I was curious about it than anything. I slowly read books on it, but also lived my life as I had been living it. It wasn't until the fall of 1992 that I decided I had to do something about it-either get serious about studying it or forget about it. I found several American Muslim sisters in Manhattan, twenty miles from where I lived in a very small town. I studied with them and learned the practical aspects of what I had read for the past year and a half. T took myshahada in December 1992. +My struggle began many years ago with my search for self-identity. Growing up in America as a black presented meaningful challenges to me during the 1960s and 1970s. After rallying around certain racial issues and feeling the pressures of early integration in Mississippi and Texas, I began to question my "role" in life as a black woman.

I was a successful professional, but my personal life was a mess. Bad marriage, poor relationship with parents and siblings, discontented with church and God-these all led me to question who I was and why and what I could do to improve relationships with these people and the world in general.

I began to seek out answers by researching black history. I was amazed to find out that most African people came from Islamic states. I later met some Sunni Muslims who shared very impressive information about heaven and hell that touched my Sufi heart. I was teaching speech and drama at a Catholic high school in Washington, D.C. at the time. I became Muslim in 1974. I was asked to resign at the end of the year because several students also converted to Islam. Islam cooled me out. It helped me to find God without all of thehangups and guilt I felt as a Christian. I've always loved God, and knowing that I could talk directly to Allah was a welcoming treat.

1 was first introduced to Islam at the age of fourteen, but because of family conflicts I was not able to learn or practice. After leaving home to go to college, I had the freedom to pursue the religion. The biggest change I had to make (besides the obvious ones of dress, diet, etc.) was to put some distance between myself and my family and former friends. I did this as a protection for myself that would allow me to grow stronger in my religion without distractions. I had little sense of loss because I filled the void with newfound Muslim friends, and later, my husband.

Sensing the Authority of the Qur'an

Many of the women have expressed their growing respect and love for the Qur'an, which is considered the final and literal word of God. For some women the Qur'an was an important part of their conversion experience.oMy conversion began as the result of a challenge by a Muslim to read the Qur'an in order for us to have a debate on the position of women in Islam. I held the stereotypical view of Muslim women as being oppressed and in a bad position relative to their Christian counterparts. I was nominally Christian, raised in a Catholic environment, but was not practicing the religion and really only bothered to label myself a Christian in order not to appear too rebellious in front of my extended family (my family was also really only Christian in name, not "reality").

The reading of the Qur'an and ofhadith of the Prophet is what captured me. I went through a very odd experience whereby for the whole week it took me to read the Qur'an I couldn't sleep and seemed to toss and turn all night in a feverish sweat. I had strange and vivid dreams about religious topics, and when I would get up all I wanted to do was continue reading the Qur'an. I didn't even study for my final exams which were happening at the same time! I began a course in Middle Eastern History, which immersed me further into the study of Islam. When the professor read passages from the Qur'an to illustrate how powerful a "tool" it was in spreading Islam throughout the world, my heart sang. I knew I had found the TRUTH! I had been searching for God since the early '80s. At this point I knew I would someday be a Muslim. After the class was over I continued my investigation into Islam. I bought an English translation of the Qur'an and read it daily. I was living at home at the time so hid most of this from my family. I got together often with my new friends and my total lifestyle began to change.

My conversion was a long process. I left Christianity while in junior high school. I was raised Methodist. My father had been a minister one time and was rather strict when I was a child. My parents left the church-mother went the American Indian Lakota way and father just left. I looked into a number of faiths but nothing attracted me. I was raised to look at other cultures from a point of understanding to try to step out of my own culture to view others. The Iranian revolution sparked many questions for me. I decided to learn more about the people and culture and began reading the history of Iran which led to history of Islam-an area not even touched in school. This led to reading Qur'an. I hit an emotional crisis when a relationship (with an Arab) fell apart, and I found myself turning to the Qur'an. I realized a need to rely on something other than people. My mother was dead, my family far away. I didn't know who I could turn to or trust. The Qur'an touched a chord. I got in touch with a [Muslim] women's study group and they were very supportive and informative. I especially liked Islam's base of logic. It took me a year to finally takeshahada .

This holy book, the Qur'an, so revered by Muslims as the final word of God and the direction for humankind, touched these women as if it were a call to the faithfu1 to come and submit themselves to that which is holy and divine. They responded with zeal and passion to Islamic scripture.

Finding Answers in Islam

Some of the women tied to prove Christianity to their Muslim husbands. They sought help from Christian leaders but were frustrated in. their attempts. Some of the women smuggled with letting go of Christianity even though they felt "Muslim." Several religious questions seemed unsettling to them. Whereas Islam tends to "have the!, answers," there is often confusion Christian theology. In Islam there is only one God so how can Jesus also be God, the Muslims ask.

The Bible, viewed by many Christian as being the literal word of God, is also questioned. Muslims emphasize the many changes made over the centuries in the numerous manuscripts that make up the Bible and that it was written by those who only "felt inspired," cam many years after the events occurred. They point out what they led are contradictions in the Bible. Muslims, are well-versed in their beliefs and are often able to fill in the gaps for the confused person longing or God, answers, for what to do to be at peace. Varying degrees of dissatisfaction with Christian theology as they perceive it is apparent in many of these women's stories. Some of the problems center in the concepts of Trinity, original sin, or Jesus as the Son of God or Jesus as God. Their frustration with some of these ideas helped to open thedoom for "new" religious expression.

oAfter the birth of our second child, I decided to go back to church. I was so enthusiastic and went around singing, reading the Bible, and telling my husband how much he should get back to God. With some reluctance he went to church with me and my daughter several times.

One day he said, "I can't go, anymore and I don't want you to take our doughty (either." We had a big fight and were going to split up until we decided that we would take a look at both religions. If I could explain Christianity satisfactorily, he would become a Christian. At the same time, I would take another look at Islam. (I had claimed Islam two years after we were married, but he wasn't active and I lost interest quickly.) I started asking a lot, of questions from ministers, theologians, and seniors in the field to help me prove Christianity to my husband. I wanted itse badly, I vied to several of them to help me and most of them said, "I'm sorry-I don't know" or "I'll write you," but I never heard from them. The harder I tried to prove Christianity to convert him, the more I moved toward Islam because of its logic, until I finally yielded to the belief and oneness of Allah. One thing led to another until my husband and I became practicing Muslims Islam for me gives me peace of mind because I don't have in understand the Trinity and how God is "three in one" or that God died on the cross. Fu me Islam supplies the answers. +I called myself agnostic when I' went to college. I thought I believed in God and didn't want to do anything about it. After a few years, was ready to go back to being "religious" again. In the meantime, I met a man from Lebanon who would later become my husband. He and both started learning mor,.7t about Islam and about six months later converted. We were married six months after that. The hardest part was changing my ideas about Jesus, It took A long time tohe able to say that Jesus isn't the Son of God without it feeling like blasphemy. But., I realized that the beliefs are really close, in some ways. Mary was a virgin and Jesus is a great prophet. The difference is in the divinity of Jesus.

I never knew anything about Islam except that "Muhammad was a killer and Islam was spread by the sword." I was going out with my husband prior to marriage (he was not a practicing Muslim at that time), but when we got married and he finally told his family, his father's stipulation was that I was to be Muslim. I told him I could not change my religion for a man because I have always been close with God but never had a direct path to walk. Then I started talking about what I really believed. I promised God that I would look into Islam, and I asked God to guide me.

Over the course of several months I started talking to my husband's friend who had embraced Islam and was a humble practicing Muslim. I asked him many questions. I kept away from my husband about this topic because I wanted to be as objective as possible. My hardest hurdle was getting over the fiery images of what we would look like burning up in hell from my Sunday school books and training. I had been told so many times that if I did not believe Jesus had died for my sins and was my personal savior I would go to hell forever. But Allah showed me the way. I was reading many books about Islam, and everything I read was exactly how I felt inside me. All the answers were there. I may not have understood everything but what I did made sense. I embraced Islam and shared my first Ramadan with my husband of six months who was now practicing his beliefs.

The idea that Jesus is considered God by Christians was something that hadn't become a reality to some of the women. Muslims were, therefore, able to refute this belief by affirming that putting anything or anyone on the same, level as God is a eat sin. This point is probably the most dividing belief between Christians and Muslims. For Christians it would be a peat sin to deny Jesus as part of the Trinity; for Muslims the greatest sin would be to place Jews (whom they consider as a revered and great prophet) on the level of God.

I asked myfiend to attend Mass with me. He said he didn't attend church, that he was a Muslim. "What's a Muslim?" I asked, totally unaware that my life was going to change forever as soon as he began his answer. At first, I listened intently but after he got to the part which denied Jesus being the Son of God, even denied his sacrifice for us on the cross, I excused myself from this friend and kicked myself for wasting so much time that now I had missed Mass and would have to go to confession. We talked again later about his beliefs. We seemed more and more alike in our belief: heaven and hell, angels, our duty to our fellow roan, holy scriptures. was just the "Jesus thing" that kept us on opposite ends of the spectrum. I also noticed another complication; despite everything, I was failing in love with him.

It wasn't Islam that was the issue. It was Christianity I was a "doubting Thomas" in every way and the guilt was overwhelming. I began to seek all kinds of advice to rid me of this demon of doubt. Then, three events took place in the space of a week that caused me to decide to 'eave Christianity altogether.

First, I went to a nun that I trusted deeply and poured my heart o-w. She responded with compassion, but she handed me a Qur'an as I left. I was very confused. Then, I went to my religion teacher, who was a lay person. As we talked, I ,siew more confused and finally said, "Look, I just want you to tell me that, undoubtedly and with full conviction, Jesus Christ is the Son of God" He didn't look at me when he said, "I can't tell you that" Now I was angry too. What was wrong with these people that they refused to give me the answers I was looking for? Finally, I turned to God. At least I was sure that he was still there for me. And he would help me. I prayed that he would open my mind and my heart and show me the answer I was looking for. I used a method I had used many times before. I would pray everything in my heart, then open the Bible to a random page and find my answer. I opened my Bible to the trial of Jesus in front of Pontius Pilate. Pilate was trying to get Jesus to say something by which he could be convicted, in order to relieve his own guilt for having him sentenced to death to fulfill the wishes of the people. Pilate asked him, "Are you the Son of God?" and Jesus answered, in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, "It is you who have said it." Suddenly, I felt at peace.

When I was eighteen I went to a local two-year Christian college. It was there that I first came in contact with Muslims. There were a lot of them there, and I was fascinated with the idea of another group of people I knew nothing about-some people from the "Holy Land." I took a course called "The World's Living Religions" and learned a little about Islam. I net my husband-to-be there when I was nineteen years old. I married him after four months.

We moved far away to go to a university. There I met an American-Muslim woman who worehijab . She gave me books and pamphlets about Islam. I read some of them and watched some debates between Muslims and Christians about the divinity of Jesus and the authenticity of the Bible. It was then that I heard clearly for the first time that the Christians (including the Catholics) thought that Jesus was God and that the Bible had been changed by men and mostly made by men's words, not God's. I was shocked. I knew then that I was not one of "them" anymore.

Finding Something Familiar in Islam

The close identity of Islam with the prophets, with the emphasis on Allah as the same God the Christians and Jews worship, with the acceptance of Jesus as a great prophet and teacher, with the tracing of their roots to Abraham-all these make a familiar setting into which Prophet Muhammad came to bring the final word, to set right with direct revelation God's word of "the way" to the people. This familiarity may have been part of the easy transition for some of the American-born women when Muslim beliefs were explained. +After meeting my husband we shared our religious beliefs, which were similar. I began exploring my religious feeling after he asked me about my beliefs of Jesus being God, and he explained aboutprophethood and Muhammad. I agreed with these Islamic interpretations. I began studying from interest about Islam. Six months after we had married I began doing the prayers. After another six months, I participated in the fast during Ramadan. I found at this point that Islam defined my belief I could no longer deny my belief in Islam just to prevent hurting people's feelings.

When I met the man who would become my husband and learned that he was Muslim, I was scared and asked all the questions that caused my fear. I also took a course in college called "Islam and Social Change" and learned even more about Islam. As I learned more and more in the course, the more questions I had and the more afraid I became. This fear, however, was different than the fear of the unknown; this fear was a fear a self- discovery. I found that all along I shared the beliefs taught through Islam but never had a name for it. This course, the Qur'an, and my husband helped me realize that for a number of years I had been living a Muslim life without knowing it. (It wasn't until I learned the Five Pillars of Islam that I began completely practicing as a Muslim.) So when people ask how long I have been a Muslim I can't tell them, but I can think that it has been eleven years. If they ask me when I converted, I can tell them in 1992. As a matter of fact, my husband knew before I did that I was Muslim but let me come to that realization on my own.

And so began the faith journey for these women that would affect those around them-the families in which they were raised, their friends, their colleagues at work or school. Most of all, it would change the direction and flow of their own lives, not just in a religious sense but in every facet of their existence.