Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

4- The Manners of Friendship and Companion-ship:

A prophetichadith calls us to live with our friends and relatives with goodness and to prefer them on our own selves; we should not let them see any corruption or cheating on our part. We should be kind with them or we should not show them any sign of stinginess. We should keep their secrets in their presence and absence; we should not allow anybody to cheat them. We should give them advice and encourage them to obey to Allah; and we should help them in overcoming their wrongdoing and sins.

All theseare summarized in the saying: “Be a source of mercy to them, not a source of punishment.” However, companionship has some manners thatmust be respected , among them are:

A- We must not deceive our friends in any affairs; rather we should be frank with them in any matter. We should not cheat them; rather we should be sincere with them.

B- We must not lie to them; rather we should be truthful and sincere. There is nothing better than finding a friend who is truthful and sincere in all fields of our companionship.

C- We should not do anything to degrade them whatever the case may be; degrading a brother or a friend is degradingones self, because the position of a friend or a brother is our own position. Instead of degrading them you should workfor the purpose of completing their personality, this is the best for friendship and the most loveable in the sight of Allah and His Messenger (s.a.w .).

D- If you stay with your friend,be soft to him in choosing appropriate words and feelings that show love and affection. Itis said , “Softness reduces loneliness.” How beautifully the Holy Qur'an explains this: “and lower your wing (be gentle) unto the believers.” Holy Qur'an (15:88)You should make yourself inferior in your relation with your brother, but it must be inferiority of love, not disgrace.

Among the desirable thingsare: Coping with things that are not prohibited; and you should not force your opinion on your friend that has different opinion as yourself. You should not stand up from where you are sitting unless with his permission; and you should not let him hear anything except good, because “there is evil in bad words and good is a suppression of evil”; and you should thank him for his good.

E- The Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) said: “Companionship must be with faithfulness,” i.e., we should not disclose the secrets of our friends unless with his permission.

F- If any friendly meeting contains more than two and are sitting in one place, it is not suitable for me to whisper to one of them something that I don't want others to hear, because such action will surely make him (them) unhappy, even whisper doesn't concern him.But , if I do so, he will surely feel that I did not regard him sincerely and honestly.

5- The Manners of Giving a Gift:

A gift has a great effect on the heart ofhe whom the gift is given to, because when you give me a gift - with its real meaning not its materialvalue- you are sending me a message of your love and affection. Thus, it is upon me to be happy and put it in mind that it is also your right upon me to repay that gift (not necessarily with a material gift but with thanksand, etc ).

However, being the fact that a gift is an expression of a feeling thatcan never be expressed in words, therefore, it has its own manners:

A- We must be careful in choosing it, because the choice of a man - as itis said - is part of his intellect. The gift might be small in its quantity but great in its value. The books liked by your friend might be the best gift to him than anything else.

B- As some are saying that a giftmust be presented on a certain occasion, but there is a possibility that a gift should be given without any occasion, because your zeal for the growth of your friendship with your friend, itself, is an occasion. Nevertheless, choosing a particular occasion for presenting a gift, like the success on anything, marriage, buying a house or returning from a journey, has a great effect on people's relationships. Itwas reported in ahadith to: “Present gifts, you will be loved.”

C- Covering a gift with a nice and attractive cover is an expression of felicity and good wishes that will make the gift talk more than the tongue.

D- He who presents the gift must look into the practical effects of the gift before giving it. This is because some gifts have a small life span, while others have a long life span, or some have a limited effect, while others have unlimited effects.

E- It is not good to refuse a gift or to degrade it. Even if it is of little value, we must thank those who present them to us and accept them with respect. Itis narrated that one day a student presented cucumbers as a gift to his teacher. The teacher ate one and found it bitter.

He took the second one and found it thesame, nevertheless he ate it all without inviting the other students to join him in eating. The students were surprised with their teacher's deed. The student who presented the gift went out happy because of the gift he presented to his teacher. After he went out, the teacher turned to the rest of the students and said:

“Maybe you were surprised at what I did, but the cucumbers were bitter. IfI presented them to you, you would not eat them and the presenter of the gift would not be happy. That is why I kept quiet without inviting you.”

F- It is not good to give someone a gift given to you as a gift by someone else, because itis said that a gift cannot be given twice. The presenter of the gift wanted it to be your personal belonging. What can you tell him when hesee it (the same gift) in the hand of another fellow? It might hurt him.

6- The Manners of Visiting:

One thing that has a great effect on strengthening social relationships is the exchange of visits, which is encouraged in many narrations to the extent that itis stated that whoever visits his brother, it is as if he visited Allah and His Messenger. Among the manners of visits are the following:

A- Making arrangements and stating a particular time before a visit. It is not good to break the arrangement made or to arrive late, except if something that is above someone's control happens. In such a case, you must extend your apology towhom you want to visit, so that he may not be waiting for you.

B- If you visit a friend or a brother in religion without prior arrangement and he apologizes for not been able to attend to you due to some problems best known to him, as “The owner of the house knows better what is going on in it”, do not become angry and do not feel offended, rather, it is his right that must be respected.

C- It is good to arrange for the time the visit will take, because it might be that your host may have another arrangement with someone or something else to do. Thus, if you leave the end of the visit without any limit, it might be a burden or can hurt your host.

D- If you enter the house of your friend, do not be curious and inquisitive in the affairs of the house or the family or anything thatdoesn't concern you. It might be that your hostdoesn't want you to know everything that's going on in his house. This means that you should also protect your eyes and tongue.

E- It is good to underline the aim of the visit and discuss it immediately when you arrive. Do not make your visit a chance of too much talking and spending unnecessary time.

Nevertheless, being the fact that there are different kinds of visits, therefore,each and every one of them has their own manners and morals. In addition to the visit of friends, there is also the visiting of the sick, or of a neighbor. Below is the manner ofeach and every one of these:

Visiting of the Sick

One of the things that helps in the quick recovery of a sick person or at least reduces his pain is a visit. It is in view of this that Islam encourages this kind of visit andlegislated some etiquette for it:

A- Limiting the time of the visit. Prolonging the time may be painful to the sickwho needs much time for resting, except if he is the one who requests it.

B- Limit your visit by hearing from the sick one or asking those close to him about his condition and the prescription of the doctors. Do not talk about yourself. Talking and asking about the condition of the sick will serve as a relief to him. C- While visiting the sick, you should tryand take something to him as a gift; it might be flowers or something that may be attractive to him and help him through his stay in the hospital.

One day ImamJa'far al-Sadiq (a.s .) met some of his companions on the way; he asked them: “Where are you going?” Theysaid: “We are going to visit a sick fellow.” He asked them: “Does anyone of you hold an apple, quince,citron or perfume for the sick?” They answered: “None of us carry such things.” Then hesaid: “Did you not know that the sick person feels at ease when something is brought to him.” We ought to know that all the mentioned items in the narration are just an example, but we can take anything we feel is of great importance to the sick as a gift.

D- We should pray for the quick recovery and reward for the sick at the time of the visit. We should tryand raise his spiritual being, reduce his pain and hope for him protection against anything that may disturb his health again.And , likewise, we should try and strengthen his patience by reciting some verses of the Holy Qur'an, and prophetic narrations and wise sayings.

E- To touch the forehead of the sick person that is suffering from a headache and fever, and put your hand in his hand will make him feel your concern and love. Because this showsthat you are concerned with his health. Imam Ali (a.s .) said: “Among the perfections of the visit to a sick person is putting one's hand in the hand of the sick or on his forehead.”

F- We must abide by the laws and regulations of thehospital which were enacted for the good of the sick persons. If we meet himsleeping we should not wake him up; we should just leave a message to those close to him hoping for his quick recovery. We can ask if there is any service neededso as to try our best to help.

Visiting Neighbors

Concerning neighbors, the Almighty Allahsaid: “…andneighbour close to you andneighbour who is a stranger…” Holy Qur'an (4: 36)And , likewise, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) said: “The Arch Angel Gabriel (Jibra'el ) continues to talk to me concerning neighbors to the extent that he will inherit from his neighbor.” Your neighbor is not just the one whose house is closer to yours; rather your neighbors are the people of your area, or your town or your community. The manners of relating with a neighbor are as follows:

A- Knowing him: It is not virtue to live with a neighbor, whether he is a Muslim or not, without knowing him, greeting and visiting him.

B-Favouring him: Theneighbour must preserve the security of hisneighbour ; he must not hurt him or any of his family members. If any good thing happens to them, he should congratulate them and, likewise, if anything bad happens to them he should console them. He should not raise his voice or the sound of a radio or televisionso as to disturb hisneighbour . If he needs your help, help him, and tryand protect his security in his absence.

C- Mutual Assistance: Aneighbour should tryand help hisneighbour in anything possible that needs help.

D- Make him feel loved: Try to show your concern for yourneighbour and that you love him by welcoming him,visiting and presenting gifts to him.And if he is sick visit him.

7- The Manners of Saying Farewell and Welcoming a Traveler

Among the advices of ProphetLuqman (peace be upon him) to his child is: “While traveling with people consult them on your issues; do not hang your head.Smile at them; share your properties with them; answer their call if they call you; if they need your help, help them; do not talk much, always pray; be generous with what you have of animals or water or anything else; if they make you a witness of right, be their witness; and give them your opinion if they seek your advice.”

Mufadhal binUmar said: “I went to Abu Abdullah, and he said to me: 'Who is with you?', I said: 'It is one of my brothers'. He said: 'What did he do', I said: 'Since I entered I don't know where he is', then he said: 'Did you not know that whoever is with a believer forty steps, Allah will ask him about him on the day ofjudgement ?'“

Among the manners of farewell are:

A- To pass the Holy Qur'an over the head of the traveler.

B- To embrace him and read on his right shoulder:

(ان الدي فرض عليك القران لرادك الى معاد)”

“Verily He Who has ordained the Qur'an unto you certainly brings you back (to your) home;… ” Holy Qur'an: (28: 85)

And on his left shoulder:

(فالله خير حافظا وهو ارحم الراحمين)

“But Allah is the Best Guard, and He is the Most Merciful of the merciful ones.”(Holy Qur'an (12: 64) C. To hope for his safety while travelling and on his way back.

D- If it is possible you should escort him to where he will start the journey, be it a motor station, railwaystation or airport; this will make him happy.

E- Do not face him with your needs or what you want him to buy for you unless he asks you to do so.

F- Try to ask about his condition from his relatives or to phone him, if it is possible,and also reply to his letters if he sends any to you.

And when he comes back:

A- Welcome him in the station, if it is possible.

B- Embrace him warmly and thank Allah for his safe return. Show your happiness for his return. Itis narrated in ahadith that:

“The best and completegreetings of he who is at home is hand shaking, and the best and complete greetings for a traveler is embracement.”

C- Visit him in his house and go with a gift to show your happiness for his return.

8- The Manners of Condolence:

The art of social relationsdoesn't mean that we should only be with people at the time of happiness; rather it requires us to be with them at the time of tragedy also. Maybe the need for comfort and a comforter, for an angry man, is much greaterthan a happy man .

Among the manners of condolence are:

A. Taking part in the burial activities of the deceased, to walk in a sad mood as if the deceased is ours; and we should continue to recite the words of believing in the will of Allah, like:

(لا اله الا الله)

'La'ilaha Illallah '

(There is no god, but Allah),

و(لا حول ولا قوة الا بالله)

'Lahawla wa laquwata illa billah '

(There isnor power but with Allah)

(انا لله وانا اليه راجعون)

'Innalillahi wa inna ilayhi Raji'un ';

(We are from Allah, and to Him we return)

We should also hold a part of the coffin and continue seeking Allah's forgiveness for the deceased.

B- We should take part in the prayer for the deceased and read chapter 'Fatihah ' (the opening chapter in the Qur'an) for him. C- We should escort the deceased to his final resting-place; and, also, comfort his/her family and relatives with the words of sympathy and ask them to be patient with what has happened to them.

D- We should take part in the ceremonies of reading 'fatihah ' anddu'a (supplications) for the deceased.

E- We should help the family of the deceased with what we can afford,so as to comfort them for the loss.

F- If we are far from the place where our friend or one of his relatives died, we can extend our condolences to his family by telephone, letter, telex, fax, and internet. There are certain common and well-known terms and expressions for extending condolences, which depend on the culture and custom of the people. Among them are

عظم الله اجوركم

“May Allah glorify yourrewards. ”

انا لله وانا اليه راجعون

“(We are from Allah, and to Him we return) “

9- The Manners of Congratulations:

Among the rights of our friend on us is to congratulate him on any success andfavour he achieved in life, and, likewise, it is our right upon him to have him do the same thing for us. Indeed, congratulating each other is among the factors of strengthening a friendship between friends. Among the manners of congratulation for success is hoping additional success for the one who is favored with success; and presenting gifts to him to show our happiness and concern for his success.

Among the manners of congratulating the one who is blessed with a new-born child is to give thanks for Allah for the safety of the child and his mother; to pray to Allah to make the child to be brought up under their (parents) care and, also, to make him (the child) among the true believers; and we should follow it with gifts.

Also, among the manners ofcongratula-tion for marriage is to hope for the couple's safety, understanding of each other and having children; and likewise, presenting suitable gifts to the couple.

10. The Manner of Entertaining Guests:

Entertaining a guest is something known and good in Islam, which regardsentertaining guests as one of the good habits. Itis reported in ahadith that: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Day ofJudgement should entertain his guests.”

Thus, the manners of entertaining a guest at a feast, oron the occasion of marriage, buying a house or breaking the fast in the month ofRamadhan are:

A- Show a warm welcome to the guest and let him sit down in a suitable place, or leave the choice up to him.

B- Give the guest the freedom of choosing what to say while in his company.

C- While waiting for the meal of theoccasion, let him choose what is suitable for himself, from books, newspapers or watching television or talking to other people, lest he feels loneliness.

D- Do not be slow in bringing the food, and if it ispossible you should choose a nice food for the guest, one that will be the best and most complete entertainment for the guest.

E- If your guest decides to sleep in yourhouse, you should prepare a nice place for him to sleep; show him theQibla (the prayer-direction) and where the toilet is; prepare a nice handkerchief for him, and seek his permission whenever you want to enter the room in the morning. In short, try to show your guest that he is the owner of the house, as one poet says:

“Oh! My guest, if you visit us you will find thatWe are guests and you are the owner of the house.”

11- Manners on the Street:

Being the fact that we do not know most of the people on the street, thisdoesn't mean we should forget about our morals of relationship with our companions on the street. Good morals are for those we know and for those that wedon't know; for those whom we know, in order to strengthen our relationship with them and for those we don't know, in order to show a humanitarian face. Islam has enacted some etiquette while on the street; here are some:

A- Lower your eyes while walking on the street; face the direction you are going and do not turn away much.

B- It may happen that something disturbs your temper on the way; remember that as you are in your house, you are also on the street, thus, your obligation is your obligation, your manner is your manner, protect yourself respect and personality wherever you are.

C- Remove any harmful thing on the street, because those people who are moving on the street are your brothers either in religion or in humanity. It is reported in a prophetichadith that: “Do not hesitate from doing anything good even if it is moving away any harmful thing on the way”.

D- Spread peace by greeting all people - those you know and those youdon't - in order to spread safety and tranquility on the street.

E- Do not block the way with anything, because the street is for everybody, not for you alone.

F- Being the fact that the street is the right for all, therefore, it is not goodto spit on it nor throw waste and garbage on the street, because dirtying the street is harming the general health; your health included. Put your waste and refuses in special places meant for them.

G- Help those who need your help by picking up what falls down of their properties, or help those who may have problems in their means of transportation. Give your help to those who need it especially those in dire need of it, because it is possible that one day, you may need others' help; even if youdon't at least you have done a good work.

H- If you park your car in a special place, do not cause a rise in its sound. Do not start it carelesslyfor the purpose of protecting your health and the health of others.

12. The Manners of RelationsWith Elders:

Relations with elders - whether they are our parents or teachers and scholars - have their own special manner. Islam enjoins Muslim youth to respect them. Itis reported in ahadith that: “Among the respect of the Almighty Allah is respecting elders” If an elder is from the people of merit (respected family), he has two kinds of respect; respect for his age and respect for his merit.

Asrelations with children requires mercy, educating them, forgiveness and patience, likewise, relations with elders has its own basis:

A- Do not argue with them, nor repay theirwrong doing with wrong doing. Direct his attention to his mistakes in a better way as ImamHasan and Husain did, when they drew the attention (when they were children) to an old man whodidn't know how to perform ablution. When they requested him to judge among them as to who knows how to perform ablution correctly, the old man realized that they were right andthat it was he who was not performing ablution correctly .

B- Do notproceed an elder while moving, and do not sit down before he sits. You should give him a place in a meeting; and you must respect him wherever he may be.

C- Redeem him by assessing hisfavour to you and the greatness of his good toyou which requires sacrifice and respect. We should protect them, especially parents “AndWe have enjoined on man goodness unto his parents.”Holy Qur'an (29: 8) and likewise, our teacher being our second father or mother. Indeed, our teachers deserve respect both orally and practically.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w .)said: “Sitting down with learned religious men is an honor both in this world and in the hereafter.” ProphetLuqman (a.s .) told his son: “Oh my son! Sit down withscholars, disturb them with your knee, because the Almighty Allah revives hearts with the light of wisdom, as He revives the earth with the heavy rain of the sky”. It is also good to assess their services, as well as, follow their advice and protect them.

Other Manners

The list of social manners, which comprises the 'Art of SocialRelations' is a long list we cannot bring up here, but we will make mention some of its components:

A- When you borrow a book, do not write anything in it; protect it against loss or damage; return it to its owner with respect and thanks; if anything bad happens to it, pay for it.

B- Try to abide by the laws and guidance fixed inside motorcars, rooms, centers, libraries and market and business centers. C- Ask permission before using anything that does not belong to you.

D- Do not delay in replying to letters sent to you, because letters are like greetings. They need a reply, even if you only tell your friend that you have received his letter.

E- Avoid smoking in an indoor place, because hurting others is not good; most especially that inhaling the smoke of a cigarette harms more than the smoker himself - a confirmed medically provenfact .

F- It is good to apologize quickly after committing a mistake, no matter how small it is like coming late for an appointment by giving reasonable excuses for it.

G- Admonition is the soap of the hearts. Admonish your brother, but not about everything. Imam Ali al-Hadi (a.s .) wrote a letter to some of his followers saying: “Admonish so-and-so, tell him if Allah means good for someone He admonished him first.”Isn't admonition better than backbiting a thousand times?

Thirdly: What are the Factors that Destroy Relations?

Nodoubt the art of social relations requires the understanding of two things together: knowing the factors that strengthen the relationship and knowing the factors that destroy and harm it. This is because knowing the second will help us avoid those things that spoil socialrelations as it will help us also correct the displeasure of others who don't pay attention to good morals, so as to refrain from anything harmful. In short,each and every one of us will become a mirror for his fellow friend; they are seeing our positive and negative side and we are, also, seeing their positive and negative side.

For the purpose of seeing the real picture, we will present a number of repulsing behavior with the hope that we may preserve our selves against them.

1- The Holy Qur'an makes mention of these in many places and in many terms:

A- Mockery: Is ridiculing others thinking that we are better than they, forgetting that it is possible that they are above us in many things.And there is the possibility that the man we are ridiculing doesn't have a hand in his condition; it is just a divine examination like being a cripple, semi-blind, deaf and dumb. The Almighty Allahsays: “Let not a people laugh at (another) people (to scorn) who happily may be better than they nor let women laugh at other women who happily may be better than these.” Holy Qur'an (49: 11)

B- Defamation: This is degrading someone withdisorder, it is among the most active repellants. It is to see any disability in your brother and hurt him with it or ridicule him in front of others, which may hurt his feelings,where as , Islam calls toward covering others disability. The Almighty Allahsays: “and find not fault with each other.” Holy Qur'an (49: 11)

C- Giving Offensive Names: Is calling our brothers with names that hurt their feelings. Calling them with such names, means degrading their personality, whereas, Islam enjoins us to call our brothers with the most loveable names. The Almighty Allahsays: “nor call one another by nick names.” Holy Qur'an (49: 11)

D- Suspicion: Is defining any movement of your brother with bad and suspicious definitions, which is the opposite of what prophetic narrations enjoin us to do. Do not look at the action of others but with good. The Almighty Allahsays: “O you who believe! Avoid such suspicion, for verilysuspicions (in) some (cases) is a sin.” Holy Qur'an (49: 12) The Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) alsosays: “I warned you against suspicion, because suspicion is the most untruthful narration.”

E- Spying: As distrust directs you to suspicion, which is an internal action, likewise, it directs you to a physicalaction which is spying and looking for mistakes. Thus, spying is following the secret of a fellow believer. The Almighty Allahsays: “And spy not.” Holy Qur'an (49:12)

F- Backbiting: Is talking behind your brother's back in order to discredit him ordisagree his personality. If he is what you aresaying it is backbiting, and if he isn't, it is fabrication. Backbiting is the act of a coward who cannot face people openly.

It is broader than the act of those who want to find others' disabilities, which is a source of degrading the personality of a believer. The Almighty Allah says:“And let not some of you backbite the others;What ! Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?” Holy Qur'an (49: 12)

G- Calumny: Is transferring what we hear from one person to another in order to spoil their relationship; it is a bad habit.

Instead of doing something to strengthen the relationship between people, the person with this type of habit tries to create misunderstanding between them. Thus, the Almighty Allahsays: “And yield you not unto any despicableswearer , defamer, going about with slander.” Holy Qur'an (68: 10-11) And it is also reported in ahadith that: “Whoever bring someone's sayings to you will take yours to others.

“ And the Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) said: “'Would that I tell you about the most evil person among you?' They said: 'O yes, O Messenger of Allah',Then he said: 'They are those who are calumnious, spoilers of relations between people.'“

H- Violating Sanctity: All theabove mentioned repellants serve as a way of violating the sanctity of a believer, which was described - by prophetic narration - as superior than the sanctity ofKa'ba . With all these, some people are doing their best to destroy the dignity of a believer in order to downgrade his social position.

The Almighty Allahsays: “Verily those who love to spread scandal about those who believe, they shall have a grievous chastisement in this world and the hereafter.” Holy Qur'an (24: 19) It is narrated that: “Do not move without modesty between you and your brother….preserve it, because not having it like doing away with shyness.

“ It is not virtue to hurt, disgrace, degrade and hurt a believer. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w .)said: “Whoever hurts a believer hurts me, and whoever hurts me hurts Allah.”

I- Among the factors that destroy brotherhood and friendship is: 'enmity', and 'hostility', 'abuse', which is more controversial than the others, to the extent that the Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) said: “Whoever abuses a man, his personality falls and his dignity is gone.”And 'malice', arguing', 'hearsay', which is among calumny, backbiting and degrading, 'mutual hatred', which breaks the bridge of relationship, are reported in ahadith that: “In mutual hatred, there is a shaver - not a shaver of hair - but the shaver of religion,” and lastly, double-facedness (hypocrisy).

Imam Ali (a.s .) said: “Whoever extends the limits in arguing is an offenders; whoever shortens it is an oppressed. There is no way an argument person can be virtuous.”

J- Counting shortcoming: It is an action of revealing evil and a preparation to topple others. It is closer to the action of intelligence agencies in order to find fault. ImamJa'far al-Sadiq (a.s .) said: “Whoever counts his fellow believer's bad actions in order to downgrade him and spoil his personality will find his abode in hell fire.” Some narrations regard it as betrayal.

K- Breakups: Sometimes a relationship betweenfriends breaks up temporarily; this is a natural when any of us sticks to our own opinion.But , if the relationship reaches such a stage, it is not good to leave it to reach a stage of total or permanent breakup, because it is among the things that does away with the Islam of a Muslim and the belief of a believer.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w .)said: “If two Muslims break their relationship and stay for three days without mending their differences, they are out of Islam. There is no guardianship between them, and whoever starts to talk to the other fellow, will be the first to enter paradise on the day ofjudgement .”

It is mentioned in the law of morals that: “Do not become emotional, do not argue, do notpress and do not aggravate your stand… stop an argument in order to refrain from it. The word 'you are not correct' is the shortest way of attracting enmity…accept your mistake when you make it…do not criticize like the criticism of a desolate one, who breaks hearts and degrades spirits. This is the source of misery.”

Fourthly: What are the Practical Factors of a Sound and Attractive Personality?

The factors thatmight be mentioned here are many. What we mentioned earlier on the laws and manners of morals is not a mere slogan or advises thatare hung from the sky, rather it is long human experience on social relations. Due to time limit, we will put forward some examples with the purpose of reasoning:

1- Hold onto your anger as you hold onto the mouth of a filled bottle:

“Anas said: I was with the Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) wearing a gown that had a thick end; the gown attracted a Bedouin, and he said:

'Oh Muhammad! Put something on these two camels from the wealth of Allah at your hand, because you are not conveying to me your wealth or your father's wealth.' The Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) keptquite forsometime and thensaid: 'The wealth is Allah's and I am His servant.' Then, he continued: 'Oh Bedouin! Did your action against me guide you?' Hesaid: 'No.' He said: 'Why?' Hesaid: 'Because you are not repaying evil with evil.' Then, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) laughed, and ordered his companions to put barley on one camel and dates on the other.”

2- Receive your brother cordially…you will capture his heart:

“ImamHasan Askari (a.s .) said: One day two believers - a father and his son - came toAmirul Muminin (Imam Ali) (a.s .). He stood up and received them cordially, seated them by his side,then he ordered food for them. After they ate, a servant ofAmirul -Muminin , calledQanbar , came with a washbowl, a woodenjug and handkerchief so they could wash their hands.Amirul Muminin (a.s .) took the wooden jug and washed the hands of the man, even though he (the man) was refraining, butAmirul Muminin insisted that he would wash his hands.

Then, Muhammad binHanafiyyah (Imam Ali's son) took the wooden jug from his hand. Hesaid: Oh my son! If this son came to me alone without his father I would have washed his hands, but the Almighty Allahdoesn't want to see a father and his son, in one place, being treated the same.But , since the father had poured water on the hands of a father, then a son should pour water on the hands of a son. Then, Muhammad binHanafiyyah poured water on the son's hands.”

3- A wise way of criticism opens a sealed secret in order to accept criticism:

“One day ImamsHasan and Husain (a.s .) came across an old man who didn't know how to perform ablution. They started arguing saying to each other: 'You don't know how to perform ablution.” Then, they moved closer to the old man and said: “Oh Old man! Be a judge between us, we will perform ablution and you should tell us whose ablution is right. They performed ablution and asked him which one is correct? Both of you are correct, except that this old ignorant man doesn't know how to perform ablution, but now he has learned it.”

4- Felicity in opening an argument is an art thatshould be done well:

One day a talk went on between Imam Hussein (a.s .) and his brother, Muhammad binHanafiyyah .Hanafiyyah wrote a letter to Imam Hussein (a.s .) in which he told: “O!My brother, indeed, my father and your father, Ali, did notprefer you to me nor preferred me to you, and regarding your mother, Fatimah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah, if the earth full of gold was a property of my mother, it never met your mother's right, and if you read my letter, come on to me until you make me pleased; surely, you have more right in preference than me, and peace be upon you and Allah's Mercy and His Blessings.” Then, Imam Hussein (a.s .) did that and after that time, nothing happened between them.

5- The best method in the art of relations is the repayment of evil with good:

“A man stopped Imam Ali bin Husain (a.s .) and abused him but, Imam Ali didn't say anything to him. After he left, the Imam said to hiscompanions: 'Did you hear what that man said? I want you to follow me and witness my reply to him.' They agreed, then, he took his shoes and proceeded, saying: “And he who restrains (their) anger, and forgives (the faults of) men; for Allah loves those who dogood (to others).” Holy Qur'an (3: 133)When they heard him saying so, they said: 'He will not say anything to him.

' They proceeded until they reached the house of the man. The Imam told them: 'Tell him it is Ali bin Husain.' The man came out in the mood of fighting thinking that the Imam came to repay what he did to him. The Imam said tohim: 'Oh my brother! You stoppedme and said such things to me. If I possessed what you said, I seek Allah's forgiveness for it, and if what you saiddoes not pertain to me, then may Allah forgive you.' Hearing this, the man started kissing the face of the Imam and said: 'Rather I said things pertain tomyself if not.”

6- Do not differentiate yourself from others…be like one of them, it will attract love to you:

“One day the Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w .) was on a journey. He ordered that a sheep be slaughtered,then one man said: 'Oh Messenger of Allah!I will be in charge of slaughtering it', another one said: 'I will skin it,' and another said: 'I will cook it.' Then, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w .)said: 'I will bring wood for cooking it', they said: 'Oh Messenger of Allah! We are enough to do all these, (no need to sufferyourself ).' He (s.a.w .)said: 'I know you will do it, but I hate to be different from you, because the Almighty Allah hates to see His servant differentiating himself from his companions. He stood up and brought the wood.'“

7- Be just to people give rights to the possessor of the right…raise people andbe raised :

“Sawadah binQais said to the Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) at the time of his sickness that: 'O!Messenger of Allah! When you come back fromTa'if ,I welcomed you. While you were on your camel with a stick in your hand, and you wanted to bit your camel, it hitmy stomach'. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) asked him to come forward and take revenge of the hit. He asked the Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) to open his clothing at his stomach; he did so. Seeing this,Sawadah asked him, 'Do you permit me to kiss your stomach?

' The Prophet (s.a.w .) permitted him to do so, then, he (Sawadah ) said: 'May Allah protect me from the fire of Hell,' by taking revenge on the Messenger of Allah: Then, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w .) said: 'O!Sawadah binQais ! Will you forgive me or do you take revenge?' Hesaid: 'No, I will forgive, O! Messenger of Allah', then, The Prophetsaid: 'O!My Lord! ForgiveSawadah binQais as he forgave Your Messenger, Muhammad!”

8- I learned from life that abuse rotates its self:

“The Leader of the Believers, Imam Ali (a.s .), heard a man abusingQambar (his servant) andQambar wanted to reply to him.Amirul -Muminin (a.s .) called him: 'Be patient, Oh,Qambar ! Leave him who abused you,so as to please Allah and displease the devil and punish your enemy. I swear with He Who creates grains and the breeze, there is nothing from a believer that pleases the Lord like patience, and displeases the Devil like keepingquite and punishing a stupid person, like silence.”