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The Islamic Family Structure

Author: Husayn Ansarian

Translator: Ms. Lisa Zaynab Morgan & Dr. Ali Peiravi

Editor: S. S. Arjmand

Publisher: Ansariyan Publications – Qum

www.alhassanain.org/english

The Islamic Family Structure

نظام خانواده در اسلام

Author: Husayn Ansarian

Translator: Ms. Lisa Zaynab Morgan & Dr. Ali Peiravi

Editor: S. S. Arjmand

Publisher: Ansariyan Publications – Qum

First Edition 2000 – 1421 - 1379

ISBN: 964-438-175-0

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED AND RECORDED FOR THE PUBLISHER

Ansariyan Publications

Qum, Islamic Republic of Iran

Notice:

This version is published on behalf of www.alhassanain.org/english

The composing errors are not corrected.

Table of Contents

Introduction 11

Author's Preface 12

Translators’ Forward 14

1: The Principle of Marriage in the Cosmos 15

The System of Joining and Coupling in Inanimate Objects 15

The System of Plant Symbiosis 17

The Pistil 18

Reproduction 18

The System of Animal Copulation and Reproduction 18

Man and Marriage 19

Let's Be Lenient in Making Preparations for Marriage 20

Traditions on the Value and Importance of Marriage 22

2: Divine Virtues in the Family and Society 24

True Concept of Piety 24

Piety and Its Praiseworthy Degrees 25

I - Outstanding Piety 25

II - Especial Piety (In Awe of Allah) 25

III - Ordinary Piety 25

Hajji Sabzevary and Moderation 25

Luxury-Loving and Wastefulness 26

Let's Invite Each Other to Piety 27

Signs of the Pious 28

A Pious Man and Wife 29

Exemplary Shopkeeper 30

3: The Lofty Goals Behind Marriage in Islam 31

An Honorable Household 31

The Worst People 31

The Blooming of Talents 32

Striving for the Well-Being of the Household and Home 33

Establish the Loftiest Goal for Marriage 34

The Family Structure in the West 35

4: Woman’s Position in Human History and Islam 37

Mental Deviation of Corrupt Men Regarding Women 37

Islam's Response to the Corrupt Men's Mental Deviations Regarding Women 38

Another Look at History Regarding Women’s Life and Status 42

5: Man’s and Woman’s Independence in Islam 45

Human Freedom and Independence 45

A Strange Story About Freedom 45

An Important Matter 47

A Dignified and Worthy Spouse 48

One's Independence in Marriage 50

6: Woman’s Status in the Logic of Revelation 52

God's Pure Religion 52

The Supplication of the Divine Prophets for God's Sovereignty and Mercy 53

The Grand Status of Worshipping God 54

Woman in the Logic of Revelation 55

Intellect and Lust as Measures for Prosperity or Misery 56

7: Obstacles to Marriage 58

Strictness in Marriage 58

Use Your Own Case to Judge for Others 59

Haughtiness is a Satanic Attribute 60

An Amazing Story about Leniency in Marriage 62

Perils of Keeping up With the Joneses 64

Expensive Nuptial Gift 64

The Quran as a Nuptial Gift 65

8: The Divine and Islamic Conditions for Marriage 67

Religion and Piety 67

Being Matched 69

Imam Sajjad's Views on Being Matched 70

Those Whom You Should not Let Your Daughters Marry 71

Do not Marry Such Women 72

9: How to Choose a Spous 74

The Evil-Doer is Deprived of God's Mercy 74

The Path to Perfection 75

How to Choose a Spouse in Islam 76

An Amazing Story 77

Islamic and Humane Conditions in Choosing a Spouse 77

10: Islam’s Original Plans for Marriage 81

Marriage Negotiations 81

The Necessity to Pay the Nuptial Gift 82

The Wedding Trousseau 83

A Divine, Spiritual Model for the Wedding Trousseau 83

Praying at the Wedding Threshold 84

The Time and Etiquette for Wedding 85

Nuptial Night Customs 86

11: Hygiene in the Family Structure 89

The Worth of Cleanliness and Hygiene in Islam 89

Oral and Dental Hygiene 91

Orderliness and Hygiene in Food 92

The Harms of Overeating 93

An Educational Story 93

12: Islamic Ethics in the Family Structure 96

The Value of Good Morality 96

Love and its Expression 97

Lowering Expectations 98

Forgiving 100

Feigning 101

Anger 101

Arrogance 102

Behavior 103

Talking 103

Kanzulemal 104

13: The Modest Covering and Woman’s Chasteness 105

A Surprising Fact 108

The View of Some Eminent Westerners in Regards to the Situation of Western Society 109

A Case From Imam Husayn’s Life (Pbuh) 110

Veil and Dirty Looks in the Vierw of the Quran 110

Who Can See Women as Stated by the Quran 111

14: Security in Life 113

The Good and the Bad 113

Ignorance and Illiteracy 113

Knowledge and Wisdom 114

The Heart is the Source of Truth 116

Torture in the Expanse of the Hereafter 118

Good Mothers and Fathers 119

15: The Aspects of Virtue in the Family 121

The Sincerity of One's Intentions 121

The Peak of Sincere Intention 121

A Surprising Example of Sincerity 122

Piety and Justice 123

The Manifestations of Virtue in the Family 123

A Virtuous Countenance 125

An Instructive Story 126

An Amazing Event 127

16: The Material Issues of the House and the Family 129

The Virtues and Vices of Wealth 129

The Forbidden and the Unforbidden 130

Don't Deprive Yourself of the Lawful Things 131

Provide Your Family's Needs Through Lawful Means 131

The Prophet of Islam and Lawfully Obtained Food 131

How to Increase One's Daily Bread 132

Unlawful Property 133

One Who Repents is Loved by God 133

17: The Principles of Spirituality in the Family 136

Spiritual Blessings 136

Intellect 136

Quran 138

Prophethood 139

Leadership 139

Religious Scholars 140

Prayers 140

18: Responsibilities of the Head of the Household 142

Protect Yourself and Your Family From the Fire of Hell 142

A Scented Heaven 144

Four Important Duties 144

19: The Rights of Wives and Husbands in Islam 146

An Outlook on Family Rights 146

The rights of the wife 147

(1) Providing the means for living 147

(2) Sexual intercourse 147

(3) Improving the Living Conditions 147

(4) Respecting the wife 147

(5) Grooming oneself and keeping clean 148

(6) Speaking Decently and Courteously 148

(7) Be content with your share of control over life 148

The Rights of the Husband 149

(1) Obedience 150

(2) Sexual submission 150

(3) Going out of the House 151

(4) Don't bother your husband, and don't be vulgar and ill-tempered 151

(5) Working at home 152

(6) Respect your husband and treat him well 152

(7) Do not make yourselves up except for your husband 153

(8) Do not use your husbands property without his consent 153

20: Pregnancy 154

The Period of Pregnancy 154

Duties During Pregnancy 155

Delivery 156

New-Born Clothing 157

The First Food for the Baby 157

Adhan and Iqamah (The general call to prayer and the specific one): 157

Childbirth Etiquette 158

Mother's Milk 158

Naming 160

21: Raising Children in Islam 161

The Position and Worth of Children 161

Love for children 162

Kissing the Children 163

22: The Worth of Raising a Daughter in Islam 165

God's Will in Granting a Child 165

Highly Important Traditions Regarding Raising a Daughter 166

23: The Role of the Mother in Child Rearing 169

A Child as the Result of a Mother's Efforts 169

The Fruit of the Garden of Purity 170

My Mother Ruined My Life 171

Sometimes Worshipping Diminishes 171

A Bright Marriage 171

Sheik Shooshtary's Mother 172

The Effect of Physical and Spiritual Purity in Upbringing 172

24: The Role of the Father in Child Rearing 174

Consider the Following Four Facts 174

The Commander of the Faithful Cried 175

People of Torture 175

An Amazing Point Regarding the Mother of HajjSheik Fazlollah Noory 176

Youth Beware 176

Deviated Fathers and the Children's Duties 177

A Noble Father 178

Bad Fathers and Good Children 178

A Distinguished Father 179

Ali Akbar Will Not be Raised With Forbidden Food 179

25: The Rights of the Children 181

The Path to Prosperity 181

Children’s Rights 181

The Effects of Lawfully or Unlawfully Obtained Food 182

Sheik Zahed 183

A Good Memory 183

A Note to Parents 184

26: The Rights of the Parents 186

A Heavy Burden 186

An Amazing Point 187

A Delicate Issue 187

Traditions Regarding Parent's Rights 187

Zacharias Serves His Parents 187

Sheik Ansari and His Mother 189

Mother's Damnation 189

27: A Couple’s Duties to Their Relatives 191

Relatives 191

28: Observing the Relations of the Womb 194

The Quran and Visiting Relatives 194

A Good Plan 195

An Amazing Story 195

Traditions About Visiting Relatives 195

Traditions About Cutting Off Relations 196

29: Prosperity or Ruin of a Family 198

Prosperity or Ruin 198

Justice 198

Being Kind 199

Advice 199

Politeness 200

Protection of the Family from Accusations 200

Honoring One's Oath 201

Consultation 201

Humbleness 202

Kindness to Younger Ones and Respecting the Elders 202

Hospitality 203

Cause of Getting Ruined 203

30: Divorce and Inheritance 204

Divorce is Despised 204

Causes for Divorce 204

Gossip 205

Accusations 205

A Lesson 206

Divorce as Viewed by Quran 206

Termination of Life 207

Notes 209

Introduction

Introduction by the theologian, great researcher and commentator on Nahj ul-Balaghah : the erudite Professor Muhammad Taqy Jafary:

In the Name of Allah the Exalted

"Praise be to Allah" and "Peace be upon our Master and Prophet Muhammad and pious, pure and infallible huosehold. It is obvious that the importance of establishing a family and its related means and essentials in the sacred religion of Islam is evident enough with no need of proofs. It is this very important status of the family that Allah (Great be His glory) in the Quran; the Impeccable Imams or Muslim leaders in their practices and policies; and the sages, authoritative as well as unbiased commentators have all presented the final comments and most constructive subjects on the matter of THE ISLAMIC FAMILY STRUCTURE.

Today what has destroyed the fundamental pillars of life itself is emergence of disorder in the sacred family system ignoring its necessary principles and values. Thus the present era deserves to be named “THE ERA OF MAN'S ALIENATION FROM MAN”

which has resulted in the incurable disease of “MAN'S ESTRANGEMENT FROM HIMSELF”.

Without having the family structure reformed, it is quite irrelevant and inappropriate to expect a healthy society and a community capable of enjoying a reasonable social life. This book entitled “THE ISLAMIC FAMILY STRUCTURE”

authored by Mr. Hujjatul-Islam Wal-Muslimeen Hajj Sheik Ansarian (May God support him) is one of the few helpful and remarkable books I have seen about the Islamic family structure. I have read a reasonable portion of the book and must state that this work reflects research and arrangement of materials presented in such a way that it proves to be a beneficial publication for all social strata.

Among the characteristics one may mention is its diligent researching of sources; proper interpretation of the matter; accurate reference and source citation; the adequate, aesthetic expressions used to attain what the author has had in mind; and the author's faith and sincerity regarding his various researches. Therefore, the study of this book and research on its various subjects will be very helpful and instructive for those seeking the truth concerning the rules and matters of the Islamic family structure. I beg God the Almighty for the ever-increasing success of the book's honorable author Mr. Hujjatul-Islam Wal-Muslimeen Ansarian.

Muhammad Taqy Jafary

Farvardin 21, 1376 (Iranian calendar)

April 1997 A.D.

Author's Preface

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

I started a series of lectures on the subject of the Islamic family structure in 1984, since a need for this topic was felt in the society. I conducted these lectures on various occasions such as Muharram, Safar and the Holy month of Ramazan and my lectures were based on the verses from the Holy Quran and traditions from authentic sources of traditions (Hadith).

These lectures were warmly welcomed by the people, especially by the youth, and this unprecedented attendance was due to nothing but a display of God's blessing and kindness Who is always supporting the Islamic religious orders. The video and cassette tapes of those lectures which are about thirty in number were soon distributed all over the country, and the contents of the lectures were published in one of Tehran's evening papers and were distributed for the public. As expected, the lectures had a reasonable effect upon families since they reflected the contents of the Holy Quran and the knowledge of the Household of the Prophet (Pbuh[1] ) which are in line with man's nature and fulfill all his spiritual and material needs.

Concerned friends and religious brothers suggested several times that I convert these lectures into a book so that they could be better used by the heroic people of Iran. However, the writing of a twelve-volume series on the Islamic Mysticism taking seven years; and the interpretation as well as description of Sahifeh-e-Sajjadiyeh taking five years and other notes together with journal articles left me no time to undertake the task. Another portion of my time was devoted to traveling to various parts of the country for preaching, but my friends still kept on insisting.

Mr. Reza Kalhur owns a publishing house. His brother is a young, enthusiastic and virtuous believer and is working in the religious schools in Qum where I am a student[2] He came to Tehran on the anniversary of the martyrdom of Fatimah Zahra (Pbuh)- Islam's highly respectable Lady who is herself the best model for a wife and a mother in Islam - and asked me for permission to note down the lectures from tape and to have them published. Since I found that offer to be the same as my own long old wish and that of my friends, I asked him to do so because I still was confronted with a shortage of time. Thirty tapes were taken down by Mr. Kalhur. Thanks to his careful attention, all the traditions in the lectures were carefully documented with proper reference citations. They gave me their notes which were taken down right from the tapes. While reviewing the tapes I realized it was necessary to eliminate, rewrite or change some of the sentences. The book in hand is the result of more than two months of rewriting. It would have been easier to write a book from scratch than to rewrite notes taken down from lecture tapes. The beauties of this book lie in the verses of the Holy Quran, the traditions and accounts of the lives of God's saints; and its ugliness is due to my pen.

Please inform me of any errors by writing to Um-Abiha Publishers at P.O.Box 37185-913, Qum, I.R.I. It is hoped that this book will be helpful for families, especially for young men and women who have just married or intend to marry, and it can be instrumental in aligning their family structure with God's will so that they can succeed in this life and in the Hereafter. These lectures were conducted in a way which included life from its beginning to the end. Thirty of these lectures were selected whose titles appear in the table of contents. You could present this book as a gift to a newly-wed couple instead of flowers, which will fade away in a few hours, resulting in God's blessings in their life and possibly a source of great heavenly rewards for you.

Mr. Husayn Ansarian

Translators’ Forward

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

First of all we thank God for granting us the opportunity to undertake and complete such a tremendous task. Next we wish to express our most sincere gratitude of Mr. A. Namaee for editing parts of the book and providing us with many useful suggestions, and for his efforts to get this work through the many phases it must. We also wish to thank Mr. A. Tavakoli for reviewing some of the book, and for giving us many useful suggestions. We also like to thank Mr. Mehdi Peiravi and H. Motakef for their help in preparing parts of the typed manuscript.

Ms. Morgan and Dr. Peiravi