24: The Role of the Father in Child Rearing
O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a man of evil, nor thy mother a woman unchaste! "
Consider the Following Four Facts
It is understood from verses 33-37 of the Chapter Al-i-Imran and verse 28 of Chapter Maryam that man's development and perfection depend upon the following four factors.
1- A believing father
2- A believing mother
3- A good and sympathetic teacher
4- Lawfully obtained food
When the Jews saw Jesus in the hands of Mary who was a girl without a husband, they told her out of their surprise:
O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a man of evil, nor thy mother a woman unchaste!
They were not aware of the truth that Jesus was God's word induced into the womb of the noble, chaste Mary. They thought she had done wrong. Knowing that her father was a noble, believing man who followed divine etiquette and her mother was a chaste, believing woman, they could not believe that such a child of such parents would commit such an act. The people knew that a child was a reflection of the spiritual, behavioral and physical realities of his or her parents. It was only when baby Jesus spoke in the cradle that it became clear that such a child as Mary , with such a high position as to become the mother of a Prophet, will result from such parents. You note that the people expected her chastity primarily due to her father's pure character. For this reason they told her: Your father was not bad.
O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a man of evil, nor thy mother a woman unchaste! "
They also considered her mother's character, That is why they told her: We know your mother she is chaste.
O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a man of evil, nor thy mother a woman unchaste!
In the previous chapter, the role of the mother in child-rearing and a mother's duties were discussed, and there is no need to discuss it here any more. The importance of eating legally obtained food was already discussed, too. Also, no one is unaware of the importance of the role of teachers and their character and behavior of their students. In this chapter, the role of the father, and his character concerning the up-bringing, morality and actions of the child is discussed. A father must at first pay close attention to the religious moral and scientific training of the child. Secondly, he should treat his wife in such a way that the children's life is not bitter. Thirdly, he should be careful not to feed his wife and children with any unlawfully obtained food. It is recorded in traditions from the Household of the Prophet (Pbuh) that several groups of people will be tortured in the Hereafter without any reckoning. One of these groups are fathers who do not attend to the religious and moral training of their children. God the Almighty has created all the people to say prayers so as to reach the position of God's Caliph on Earth, to attain guidance, knowledge, wisdom, and to finally enter Heaven. The people themselves prepare the grounds for their torture.
The Commander of the Faithful Cried
When the Command of the Faithful won the war of Jamal, and things cooled down, he went amongst the dead and cried. This was an unprecedented event in the history of man for a military man who has won the war. They asked him the reason. He said: These people had accepted Islam. They prayed, fasted and worshipped God. They should have gone to Heaven. I feel sad that they came to wrongfully fight with an Immaculate Imam. They followed their selfish desires and have to suffer eternal torture.
People of Torture
The people of torture shall ask God to be saved five times, but they are turned down five times. Then they shut their mouths up forever. The following verse is regarding one of these times.
Therein will they cry aloud (for assistance): "Our Lord! Bring us out: We shall work righteousness, not the (deeds) we used to do! "-" Did We not give you long enough life so that he that would should receive admonition? And (moreover) the warner came to you. So taste ye (the fruits of your deeds): for the wrong-doers there is no helper."
Fathers should note to paying close attention to the growth, development and perfection of their children. Do not be indifferent to your children. Keep the house clean for them. Give them lawfully obtained food to eat. Be considerate with your wives. This way your good deeds and behavior will influence your children, and they too will learn to be good parents for their children in the future. Remember that all your actions and plans are being observed by God, the Prophet (Pbuh) and the noble Imams.
Work (righteousness): Soon will God observe your work, and His Apostle, and the Believers:
So be careful about how you live, what you say, and how you behave, since all your actions affect your family members. The Prophet (Pbuh) has informed fathers of their important role. The noble Imams have made many recommendations for fathers. At home the father is like the ruler of a country. He is responsible for his wife and children and will be questioned about his deeds in the Hereafter. Adorn your children with pure intentions. Encourage them to do good deeds. Develop the love for knowledge and sciences in their hearts. Take them along to religious gatherings. Teach them their obligatory religious duties before they reach puberty. Be friends with them and treat them kindly. The Prophet (Pbuh) and the Commander of the Faithful are the best models for fathers to follow. Study their life, and adopt their ways and manners in your own life. Let your children adopt the Prophet and the Master of the Mystics (Ali) as their life model instead of adopting corrupt foreign or local people. Try to provide the means for your house to be filled with the scent of Prophethood and leadership of the Imams, then you shall prosper in this world and the Hereafter.
An Amazing Point Regarding the Mother of HajjSheik Fazlollah Noory
That noble man who was a fighter in God's way, a religious authority and sympathetic for the nation was born from a noble father and a pure mother who tried hard to educate him. His father devoted all his effects to his growth, development and education and when he noticed that he loved knowledge and religious practices, he sent him to Najaf He had many great teachers there. He gained much benefit from the teachings of Haj-Mirza Husayn Noory , Mirza Shirazi , Sheik Ansari and the enlightment of the Immaculate Imam. He returned to Tehran with a strong background in knowledge, wisdom, religious practices, ethics and piety and became the leader of the great scholars. He initiated the struggle against oppression through the Mashrootheh, a revolution which had succeeded. However, some selfish polluted folks got into the government and changed the direction of this revolution in such a way as to receive orders from London Amongst the religious scholars, he was the one who objected to this the most, yelled, immigrated, made public announcements, etc. However, he couldn't succeed. Then he was arrested and condemned. He was condemned to death because he wanted the Mashrootheh Government and an Islamic Parliament, one which relies on the Quran the traditions, Nahj ul-Balaghah and Shiite jurisprudence. He had good and divine intentions. He was wise and sympathetic. He had learned all this from his father and his teachers and had acquired his perseverance from his mother and had mingled it all together with the lawfully obtained daily bread he had eaten. He was executed on the thirteenth of Rajab, the birthday of the Commander of the Faithful. He was killed for his rightful desires by the freemasons who thought his intentions were also executed, but they were unaware of the following Holy verse: Their intention is to extinguish God's Light (by blowing) with their mouths:
But God will complete (the revelation of) His Light, even though the Unbelievers may detest (it).
Nearly eighty years later on the thirteenth of Rajab at 10 AM near the same place that he was killed the Islamic parliament was opened up as a result of the revolution of the Iranian nation under the leadership of Imam Khomeini Thus, Sheik Fazlollah’s intentions were realized. On that day I was one of the invitees to the parliament. I wasn't surprised at all since I knew God is the helper to the believers and has realized his care intentions although he was martyred. Prosperous be his father who will be honored in the Hereafter and win the presents of God, the Prophets and the Imams for having such a child.
Youth Beware
O' dear youth, Muslim children, and followers of the Prophet (Pbuh): I have an important recommendation for you. Attain the qualities of a good father before you get married. It is too late to do so when you get married. Try to cleanse yourselves of evil traits, try to improve your behavior and your associations and food, since genes transfer your traits to your next generation. This is not just one of the research findings of Western scientists which some might ignore or even consider to be invalidated in the future. It is a natural phenomenon which has been outlined by Islam from the very beginning. Note the following important tradition in this regard: A young man rushed in to see the Prophet (Pbuh) and told him worriedly that both his wife and he himself had white skin but their baby was dark-colored. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Indeed genes transfer traits. Thus, he relieved the young man from his burden. The fact that father's traits transfer to their children as stated by the Prophet (Pbuh) is also proven by scientists today.
Therefore, try to attain the qualities that Islam requires of a father before you get married. Do not get married just for lust and material life. Then your children will not be useful for you and the society. The Prophet (Pbuh) and the noble Imams were pleased of being from the line of Abraham , the idol breaker, whose traits were transferred to his future generations. In the authentic Vareth supplication, we read that Husayn is the inheritor of Adam , Noah, Abraham , Moses , Jesus , Muhammad and the Commander of the Faithful. This inheritance is not material wealth; rather it is the spiritual states, religious knowledge, good behavior, honor and nobility. Why should we not benefit from all these spiritual assets, so that children too can inherit them?
Deviated Fathers and the Children's Duties
In some families, it may be the case that the father does not abide by the religion and does not perform his religious duties. He may not be interested in or accept divine facts. The children who have matured should politely invite him to accept God'9s way, and tell him about the losses he shall suffer in this world and the Hereafter. If he does not accept this, they should try to guard themselves from corruption while living with him. Take Musab ibn Amir as a model. He was a believing, faithful warrior in God's way who fought along with the Prophet (Pbuh) in the Battle of Uhad and was martyred. His parents were atheists, and they really loved him. He accepted the Prophethood due to his pure nature, and went to Medina to preach the people before the Prophet's immigration to Medina He prepared the means for many of the people of Medina to accept Islam and thus Medina became prepared for the immigration of the Prophet. When the Prophet (Pbuh) saw him once in Medina wearing a shirt made of unprepared sheep skin, he showed him to his companions and said: Look at a man whose heart has been enlightened by God, I saw him in Mecca with his parents. They provided the best food and clothes for him, but the love for God and His Prophet has driven him to live as you see.
O young fellows whose fathers live a life void of spirituality, and do not want you to be adorned with ethics, religion and spirituality: Their main effort is for you to either reach a position in material sciences, or attain wealth. Be kind with them. Do not quarrel with them, since this is against the orders of God and his Prophet. Do not follow them, and do not give up God, the Imams and the Hereafter for the sake of accepting their vain invitations. Follow Muhammad, the son of Abu Bakr , who was a pious, religious, noble and worshipping man in this regard. Live like him who lived with love of Ali, following the Quran, and the Prophets way of life, and was finally martyred in God's way and in order to help establish God's religion. Also coordinate your activities with morality and your behavior with divine order.
A Noble Father
I heard the following from the nephew of the late Ayatullah Hajj Sheik Abdulkarim Haeri, who was the founder of the great seminary in Qum , when I went to preach in Mehrgerd for a few nights. The Sheik's father could not have a child for fifteen years. He was sad. He was a butcher, which is a boring job. His wife thought that she may have a problem getting pregnant, so she told him that she would find him a good second wife so he may have a child. After a while she found a widow a few miles away and proposed his husband to marry her. They were married as usual, and on the wedding night the three-year-old daughter of the widow. would not leave her mother. The child's aunt picked her up, but she cried. The noble man was moved and told her that he could not bear to hear an orphan cry. Additionally he said their marriage and having a child might harm the orphan even more.
So he gave the nuptial gift to her and returned to Mehrgerd to be with his first wife. For this reason, on the same night his wife got pregnant with Hajj Sheik Abdulkarim, who later founded the seminary in Qum and taught nearly a thousand scholars and future religious authorities. One of the men he trained was Imam Khomeini , the reader of the Islamic revolution, who influenced both the East and the West and also saved Islam. So Khomeini was the product of Hajj Sheik Abdulkarim Haeri who himself was the son of a noble, divine and sincere butcher. Only God knows the reward of this butcher in the Hereafter next to his son, and his son's students and the Islamic Revolution of Iran .
Bad Fathers and Good Children
Hajaj, the son of Yusef Saqafi , was an evil, wicked, oppressor and criminal man with bad children. However, a noble, wise, poetic, knowledgeable, mystic, lover of the Household of the Prophet, and a singer of songs for the Immaculate Imams, specifically the Commander of the Faithful and the Master of Martyrs (Imam Husayn) was born in Hajaj’s line during the time that Seyed Morteza was the religious authority. His name was Abu Abdullah Katib He was totally different from his forefathers. He did not have their traits, and accepted God using the power of the intellect and his nature. He became divinely oriented and was especially paid attention to by the Household of the Prophet.
It has been said that Mirza Abdullah Afandi stated the following in Riaz al-Ulama : For some reason, Seyed Morteza spoke harsh words with Abu Abdullah Katib. Then he dreamt the same night and saw the Prophet (Pbuh) and the noble Imams. The Prophet (Pbuh) gave him a cold shoulder. He asked the Prophet (Pbuh) what he had done wrong? The Prophet (Pbuh) told him that he must apologize to the Shiite poet since he had not treated him well. When the sun rose, the noble Seyed walked all the way to Abu Abdullah Katib's house, apologized and asked for forgiveness. Then our noble young folks should realize that God has given them power to maintain their independence and not follow the impious ones, even if they be their own fathers. Therefore you should not be influenced by such fathers, but remain on the straight path, steadfastly.
A Distinguished Father
Sadr Al-Muteahalin Shirazi was an unprecedented philosopher, a wise scholar and a pious mystic. He brought about a major change in philosophy and wrote many scientific books in this field. He was the son of a rich and famous man in Shiraz His father had a high government position, and was also a pearl and antiques dealers. His father was really interested in his son following the same job and working with him. So he stayed with his father for some time, and he stayed in Bushehr and Basra with the same job. He returned to Shiraz after a couple of years. He politely asked his father for permission to quit this job and go to study in the religious schools in Shiraz. The lofty father replied positively. Then he quit the business, and deprived himself of the comfort of the house, happiness and material pleasures. Shortly after he became a renown scientist when he was still young. This he owed to the sacrifice and love of his father. Then he found no one who could teach him anything else. Thus he asked for permission to go to Isfahan This request too was instantly accepted. He then went to Isfahan and continued his studies under the guidance of Sheik Bahayee, Mirdamad and Mirfindereski, and he reached the position of Sadr al-Muteahelin after a while. Indeed a father's good character turned a shopkeeper into a professor of philosophy. Therefore it is true that a noble, wise, knowledgeable and sympathetic father can raise good offspring for humanity and science.
Ali Akbar Will Not be Raised With Forbidden Food
When I was a child, there used to live a noble old man who was pious and disciplined in our neighborhood. He was a dealer in the Bazaar in Tehran Since he was polite, religious and trustworthy, he was respected by the business men. He used to attend the congregational prayers three times a day. He was very attractive to young kids. I was one who attended even the morning prayers at the mosque. He used to tell us various amazing stories. Once he said: A young religious fellow lived with his parents in the Naser Khosrow region. His father did not follow religious decrees. Since he was familiar with religious issues through his associations, he would advise his father, but it was of no use. Then he left his father and went to sell things on the streets in the city of Ray next to the shrine of Hazrat Abdul Azim Hassany , and instructed the people on religious issues.
On the dawn of Ashura, he came to Tehran to visit his parents. They had gone to attend the religious ceremonies. He too went there. By chance, the man who was supposed to enact the role of Shimr had become sick. They did not know him, so they asked him to perform the ceremonies. He accepted the role, and entered the theater and successfully played the role. His father recognized him, and became upset. When they all returned home after the ceremonies, his father asked him if he had had anything to eat. He answered no. His father told him there was jam and yogurt in the house, he could go and have some. When he went to the jam jar, there he saw a dead rat in the jar. He brought some yogurt to eat. His father asked him why he did not bring the jam. He responded that there was a dead rat in the jar and it was forbidden to eat the jam. His father yelled at him and asked why he had not quit being religious after one year. Then he asked why he enacted the role of the Shimr and not the role of Ali :Ali Akbar" Akbar? The son replied that a father who eats some jam in a jar with a dead rat in it, which is forbidden to eat, should not expect to have a child who will become Ali Akbar; since the result of eating forbidden food is Shimr. O' young fellows. Try to become good fathers and have good children. O' fathers. If you have any problems which may harm your children's spirit, then try to remove that flaw. Indeed the Hereafter is a strange day for all.
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Author: Allama Husayn Ansariyan
