Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

Dr. Kari Ann Owen, Ph.D. / Sister Penomee

A salaam aleikum, beloved family.

“There is no god but Allah, and Muhammed is his messenger.”

These are the words of the Shahadah oath, I believe.

The Creator is known by many names. His wisdom is always recognizable, and his presence made manifest in the love, tolerance and compassion present in our community.

His profound ability to guide us from a war-like individualism so rampant in American society to a belief in the glory and dignity of the Creator’s human family, and our obligations to and membership within that family. This describes the maturation of a spiritual personality, and perhaps the most desirable maturation of the psychological self, also.

My road to Shahadah began when an admired director, Tony Richardson, died of AIDS. Mr. Richardson director was already a brilliant and internationally recognized professional when I almost met him backstage at the play “Luther” at age 14.

Play writing for me has always been a way of finding degrees of spiritual and emotional reconciliation both within myself and between myself and a world I found rather brutal due to childhood circumstances. Instead of fighting with the world, I let my conflicts fight it out in my plays. Amazingly, some of us have even grown up together!

So as I began accumulating stage credits (productions and staged readings), beginning at age 17, I always retained the hope that I would someday fulfil my childhood dream of studying and working with Mr. Richardson. When he followed his homosexuality to America (from England) and a promiscuous community, AIDS killed him, and with him went another portion of my sense of belonging to and within American society.American and Western society to Islamic culture for moral guidance.

Why Islam and not somewhere else?

My birthmother’s ancestors were Spanish Jews who lived among Muslims until the Inquisition expelled the Jewish community in 1492. In my historical memory, which I feel at a deep level, the call of the muezzin is as deep as the lull of the ocean and the swaying of ships, the pounding of horses’ hooves across the desert, the assertion of love in the face of oppression.

I felt the birth of a story within me, and the drama took form as I began to learn of an Ottoman caliph’s humanity toward Jewish refugees at the time of my ancestors’ expulsions. Allah guided my learning, and I was taught about Islam by figures as diverse as Imam Siddiqi of the South Bay Islamic Association; Sister Hussein of Rahima; and my beloved adopted Sister, Maria Abdin, who is Native American and Muslim and a writer for the SBIA magazine, IQRA.

My first research interview was in a halal butcher shop in San Francisco’s Mission District, where my understanding of living Islam was profoundly affected by the first Muslim lady I had ever met: a customer who was in hijab, behaved with a sweet kindness and grace and also read, wrote and spoke four languages.

Her brilliance, coupled with her amazing (to me) freedom from arrogance, had a profound effect on the beginnings of my knowledge of how Islam can affect human behaviour.

Little did I know then that not only would a play be born, but a newMuslim. The course of my research introduced me to much more about Islam than a set of facts, for Islam is a living religion. I learned how Muslims conduct themselves with a dignity and kindness, which lifts them above the American slave market of sexual competition and violence. I learned that Muslim men and women could actually be in each other’s presence without tearing each other to pieces, verbally and physically. And I learned that modest dress, perceived as a spiritual state, could uplift human behaviour and grant to both men and women a sense of their own spiritual worth.

Why did this seem so astonishing, and so astonishingly new?

Like most American females, I grew up in a slave market, comprised not only of the sexual sicknesses of my family, but the constant negative judging of my appearance by peers beginning at ages younger than seven. I was taught from a very early age by American society that my human worth consisted solely of my attractiveness (or, in my case, lack of it) to others. Needless to say, in this atmosphere, boys and girls, men and women, often grew to resent each other very deeply, given the desperate desire for peer acceptance, which seemed almost if not totally dependent not on one’s kindness or compassion or even intelligence, but on looks and the perception of those looks by others.

While I do not expect or look for human perfection among Muslims, the social differences are profound, and almost unbelievable to someone likemyself .

I do not pretend to have any answers to the conflicts of the Middle East, except what the prophets, beloved in Islam, have already expressed. My disabilities prevent me from fasting, and from praying in the same prayer postures as most of you. At this time I dress modestly for an American woman, which is still not hijab.

But I love and respect the Islam I have come to know through the behaviour and words of the men and women I have come to know in AMILA and elsewhere, where I find a freedom from cruel emotional conflicts and a sense of imminent spirituality.

What else do I feel and believe about Islam?

I support and deeply admire Islam’s respect for same sex education; for the rights of women as well as men in society; for modest dress; and above all for sobriety and marriage, the two most profound foundations of my life, for I am 21 1/2 years sober and happily married.How wonderful to feel that one and half billion Muslims share my faith in the character development marriage allows us, and also in my decision to remain drug- and alcohol-free.

What, then, is Islam’s greatest gift in a larger sense?

In a society which presents us with constant pressure to immolate ourselves on the altars of unbridled instinct without respect for consequences, Islam asks us to regard ourselves as human persons created by Allah with the capacity for responsibility in our relations with others. Through prayer and charity and a commitment to sobriety and education, if we follow the path of Islam, we stand a good chance of raising children who will be free from the violence and exploitation which is robbing parents and children of safe schools and neighbourhoods, and often of their lives.

The support of the AMILA community and other friends, particularly at a time of some strife on the AMILA Net, causes me to affirm my original responses to Islam and declare that this is a marvellous community, for in its affirmation of Allah’s gifts of marriage, sobriety and other forms ofresponsibility, Islam shows us the way out of hell.

My husband, Silas, and I are grateful for your presence and your friendship. And as we prepare to lay the groundwork for adoption, we hope that we will continue to be blessed with your warm acceptance, for we want our child to feel the spiritual presence of Allah in the behaviour of surrounding adults and children. We hope that as other AMILA’ers consider becoming new parents, and become new parents, a progressive Islamic school might emerge... progressive meaning supportive and loving as well as superior in academics, arts and sports.

Maybe our computer whizzes will teach science and math while I teach creative writing and horseback riding!

Please consider us companions on the journey toward heaven, and please continue to look for us at your gatherings, on the AMILA net and in the colors and dreams of the sunset. For there is no god but Allah, the Creator, and Muhammed, whose caring for the victims of war and violence still brings tears from me, is his Prophet.

A salaam aleikum,

Holy Quran 53:23They are naught but names which you have named, you and your fathers; Allah has not sent for them any authority. They follow naught but conjecture and the low desires which (their) souls incline to; and certainly the guidance has come to them from their Lord.

Sister Jan Jackson

This is the story of my conversion to Islam.

Before I begin, let me say that I don’t believe my story is particularly special, in that there are many stories like it. However, as I believe that God wrought a miracle in my life (as He has in many others) then of course it IS special.

I guess there are two ways to tell my story. You could say: “I met a man who introduced me to Islam. I converted, and we married.” But that is a gross simplification.

You could also say it this way…

I am a 48 year old Australian. I was raised a Catholic and am still grateful for the religious upbringing my parents gave me. They were practising Catholics who imparted their faith to me and I attended a Catholic school. From this education I did gain a ‘version’ of God and a ‘kind of’ spiritual sense, but thesewere both so vague and inaccessible as to never touch my heart. The doctrine of Christianity never really sat comfortably with me. It was like a coat that doesn’t fit. I wore it but it never felt right and by the time I was about 20, I was happier taking the coat off. Sadly, I didn’t wear a coat at all for the next 25 years.

During that time I lived a comfortable, privileged life, in the ‘western lifestyle’ sense – financially secure, educated and trained, healthy, with no major crises in my life. I married. I worked. I travelled. I indulged myself. Food, wine,

entertainment , weekends away, fancy hotels, overseas trips. Eat, drink and be merry. Having no children, I had no real responsibilities. I sought mainly to entertain myself, and have a good time.

From where I am standing now, that period just seems like a life without purpose, and it’s truly painful for me to look back and see 25 years of a Godless life.

Then, about five years ago, God gave me the opportunity to reassess my life, alhamdulillah. My personal circumstances changed drastically. My beloved father died tragically, my marriage broke up painfully, my income was significantly reduced and I was living alone. I was forced to take stock, reflect and reassess my life. And I found myself in a thoroughly meaningless void.

Around this time I began to read all kinds of material on all kinds of religions. I tried to revive my Catholicism, but it was useless. It did not feel real or sincere. I felt no sense of connection.

At this time I met, and had a very important conversation with, a Muslim brother,my neighbour who later became my husband. At this time I knew absolutely nothing about Islam. All my reading (on Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Sikhism, etc) seemed to have taken me down every path EXCEPT Islam. So when I asked him about HIS religion he said: “It is a beautiful religion, a simple religion, part of life.” His quiet, composed, assured conviction struck me. Here was someone who was so quietly certain about his religion that it needed nothing more than these simple few words to provide an answer, an answer that seemed whole and complete. And here was someone who described his religion as “beautiful”. I had never encountered this before. Religion had always been a duty, or an institution,

something to be learned or endured, something burdensome and complicated and problematic – not something “beautiful”. It struck my heart in a way I do not really understand. But I have to say that it was one of those defining moments of one’s life – something irreversible happened.

So then it began. I decided to try and learn about Islam. I asked around, tentatively at first…… I bought books and read, I browsed websites, and I started to scan my environment for anything Islamic – not difficult living in Brunswick, Melbourne. I went to an information day at Preston mosque. I obtained a copy of the Qur’an from a book sale at the Islamic Council of Victoria. The more I read the Qur’an the more I became convinced of the truth of the Qur’anic revelations. I read books on the life of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) and became convinced that he was the last in a line of prophets before him, and a true messenger of Allah. I tried fasting in Ramadan and saw it as a real test of whether or not I meant business. But the experience strengthened my intent. I discovered for myself the benefits, and I felt one with the brotherhood and sisterhood of all fasting Muslims around the world.

But the most powerful experience for me at this time was discovering the act of prayer. I bought a book which taught me how to pray…..and I have to say that from the moment I first bowed in prayer in the Muslim way, I felt connected to my Creator, for the first time in my life, and I wept with joy.

I’ve heard many new Muslims say what I’m about to say but it was so true for me. From the time I opened my mind to the possibility of becoming a Muslim, I kept encountering things that spurred me on. And it was as if they were put there especially for me. And one thing would lead to another. A newspaper article might lead to a website.A chance encounter to a bookshop. A book to another book. A website to a conversation. This information gathering was such an important time. Because when I look back it was critical what I read and who I spoke to. I did not rely on my future husband to provide information.Quite the opposite. I was determined to separate my pursuit of Islam from him. I needed to be clear about my intentions - that I wasn’t pursuing Islam to please him or gain his approval. So I sought out other Muslims. One day I went to Friday prayer at Preston mosque. I was terrified. It took every bit of effort to get myself in that door. And there I met two sisters who were like angels planted there for me, who took me under their wings. I owe a great deal to them, and to every other Muslim I have met in the few years because all of them have inspired and supported me in the warmest and gentlest and most generous of ways.

I said my shahada in Ramadan in December 1999, just before the new millennium ticked over.

Around this time I was introduced to the Revert Support Group, operating in Melbourne, which has been a great help and support to me, as a source of information and a sharing of knowledge and experience, and a way of meeting other new Muslims.

Increasingly I learned the value of prayer. I learned that to worship God regularly strengthens one’s commitment and sense of connection. It helps to set up an ongoing dialogue with God, a consciousness of God that starts to become more frequent, more natural, a remembering or mindfulness of God throughout your day. Prayer acts as a reminder that you are a part of God’s creation, and only a tiny part at that. You are reminded of your place in time and the universe. You cannot pray without feeling humility. It is impossible. I also learned that the frequency of prayer forces you to monitor your actions more closely, makes you more vigilant of your behaviour, and helps you to keep the concerns and preoccupations of everyday routine in perspective.

So why Islam over Christianity? (as my Christian friends ask)…

Throughout my Christian upbringing, despite the emphasis on Jesus Christ, I never really conceptualised him as God. I thought of him as an historical figure only, not a divine being. And I had great difficulty with the concept of the Holy Trinity. This concept for me obscured the path to God. On the other hand the concept of Tawheed in Islam, the oneness of God, is a concept that I can fully embrace.

For me Islam is a beautiful religion because it is simple and clear, and woven into the fabric of everyday life. For me, it is not bogged down in the doctrines and dogmas of other religious traditions. I was so impressed by the fact that to actually ‘become’ a Muslim you need only believe it in your heart and make the declaration of faith – no instructions, no indoctrinations, no sacraments, no initiations, no tests.

Islam is full of ritual as we know – but I love the fact that the ritual is incorporated into simple acts of everyday life – in eating, washing, speaking, praying (not high ‘pomp and ceremony’ ritual). When I first started mixing with Muslims I loved to keep hearing the word ‘Allah’ on everyone’s lips, and with no self-consciousness. You can go weeks, months, even years in a Christian community and never hear the word ‘God’ mentioned! Here’s a story that illustrates that. Around the time I first started to explore Islam I went with my mother to a Catholic function. It was an informal forum with speakers and discussion, entitled “God in our society”. I listened for three hours and not once was the word “God” actually spoken!except when a nun got up at the conclusion of the night to say “thank you to our speakers and thanks be to God”. This was the only time I heard the word and the evening was over. As everyone clapped, I wanted to shout “Wait. Aren’t you missing something here?!”

Another aspect of Islam that draws me to it is that Islam is a “bigger ask”, more demanding. By that I don’t just mean that it is more demanding in its discipline and its ritual, in its prayer and fasting and dietary requirements (abstinence from alcohol, etc). Rather I mean it is larger and more demanding in its focus, its vision, its scope.

Personally speaking, I find the Christian message of love one another to be something of a “given”. It goes without saying that we should love one another. Whilst I would not wish to offend any Christian readers, or make a generalisation, but in my own experience I have found the Christian way of life today (increasingly) to be simply a kind of humanitarianism which allows the person to customize or tailorize their religion to suit themselves – love one another, don’t hurt anyone and do your own thing – and it seems to concentrate on this life, narrow its focus to this earth and this existence. For me the Islamic message has quite a different emphasis, and is something way beyond this – it is attention to God – love your fellow man, of course, live as well as you can, of course – but use every bit of your limited capability to try and understand, comprehend, love and know and serve God. Islam demands that we focus on more than this life, and beyond this life.

I found this “bigger ask” in the Qur’an as well. For me the beauty of the Qur’an is the scope that it encompasses. It insists that we try and contemplate time and beyond, the universe and beyond, creation and beyond. It asks us to reflect on creation, the prophetic revelations, destiny, the beginning of life,the end of life and the day of judgement. In so doing, we try to grasp the hugeness of everything beyond ourselves, the magnificence of God. I feel so happy and so blessed to have had my life transformed. In committing to the Islamic way I have found meaning and significance in everyday life, and a consequent peace that follows from this. And I feel I have experienced the miracle of seeing myself as part of creation and time and God’s plan, and the consequent joy that follows from this. I thank God.Alhamdulillah. And I praise Allah Subhanallah.

Holy Quran 56:95Most surely this is a certain truth.

Sister Hayam

I was Christian orthodox just 4 years. I became Christian not because I believed in Jesus but because everybody was Christian around me. After I had gone to Italy where most of the people are Christian catholic I had big problem there and gone to die. When I was near death I prayed to Allah (swt) one month to safe my life and promised Allah (swt) that if he safe my life I will spend the rest of my life just for him. To worship him, to accept his will always and follow his way, to help people, and live just for him. That Iwont have my own desires and wants and my desires and wants will be his will. I never prayed to Jesus when I was Christian.

I prayed to God. After that Allah (swt) saved my life and little by little I became better Alhamdolillah. I began to search for the truth in religion, and I didn’t find that truth in Christianity orthodox. After I studied Christianity catholic and didn’t find the truth here also. After that I thought I will be always alone and will follow my own way different than the others. I searched for the truth and rules of Allah (swt) in my own life. I analysed every situation and tried to get knowledge. Tried to feel what Allah (swt) wants from me and tried to follow his will. This period Allah (swt) gave me many tests and difficult situations, which I passed just because I listened to Allah (swt). I don’t know if u will understand what I mean by “listen”.Its not voice but its feeling. It comes like knowledge without words and makes me understand what I have to do and where to go. It is this feeling that makes me understand the truth from lie and if I am right or wrong, also I looked for signs in my life to show if my feeling is right or wrong.

And alhamdolillah there were many signs that showed me my feeling is right and after that I saw I was really right. I found most of the rules in Islam by just analysing my life and listening to Allah (swt) and looking for his signs. First I found if something is wrong and after I found why it’s wrong. I mean first was feeling and after was the explanation. After that by chance I met Muslim man online who wanted to marry me. I tried to go to him but everything happened to stop me, so I was sure he is not the right man for me. (By the way it was funny that all men wanted to marry me and tried to come to me always had something to stop them till I found my husband. He was the only one met me and I was sure he is the right man for me alhamdolilllah).

But this made me interested from Muslims andIslam, I began to talk to many Muslims. One night I gone to die again, this time the phone rang and it was my close friend from Saudia. I haven’t power to talk and when he felt I feel very bad he told me to listen to him, I haven’t choice anyway I haven’t power to talk, so he began recite something in Arabic, as he told me after it was Qur’an. When he finished I felt so good and I asked him what were that words who saved my life. He said it was Qur’an. I got strange feeling when he recited, like yellow light came in my heart and made me feel strong and calm. It’s made me interested to read Qur’an, I found Bulgarian translation of Qur’an (because I am Bulgarian by the way) and began to read. I was more than shocked when I found the same rules I already knew of God and much more I still didn’t know. When I tested the text with my heart if its truth I found this is 100% truth.

Before always when I read something I found there is truth but there are much not true things too. I never read or heard before 100% truth. I thought there is not book or religion which is 100% true, but alhamdolillah I found Islam is that religion and Qur’an is that book. So I decided to convert.

Began reading online sites about Islam and found many good brothers and sisters helped me so much alhamdolillah.After I met my husband who is Muslim too. It was the last sign from Allah (swt) showed me I have to convert. So 3 days before I married I gone with my husband to convert in Cairo. When I walked to the place to convert I felt like my power finished, like I will fall down and prayed in my mind to Allah (swt) if he wants me to be Muslim to give me power to go to convert. After I gone there and said shahada in front of the Sheikh, my husband and his brother, I saw something dark gone from me, was like black clothes, it wasn’t material but I could see like black smoke gone out from me. After that I felt like light is coming out of me, it was incredible. For just one minute I changed so much alhamdolillah. My husband told me that Allah (swt) forgave all my sins and I am clean like baby, when he said that I understood that the smoke I saw gone out from me were my sins.(I didn’t know I have so much sins) So then I began to live like Muslim and learn as much as I can about Islam.

My life became better alhamdolillah.

Holy Quran 61:9 He it is Who sent His Apostle with the guidance and the true religion, that He may make it overcome the religions, all of them, though the polytheists may be averse.