Converts to Islam

Converts to Islam14%

Converts to Islam Author:
Publisher: www.alhassanain.org/english
Category: Religions and Sects

Converts to Islam
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Converts to Islam

Converts to Islam

Author:
Publisher: www.alhassanain.org/english
English

This book is corrected and edited by Al-Hassanain (p) Institue for Islamic Heritage and Thought


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From Ignorance to Islam

My upbringing did not really include anything about God. I was christened, although I am not sure why, I would guess that this happened as it was the ‘done thing’ in my family. In addition I have vague memories of going to Sunday school, and of course the religious education later at school, which could be re-named ‘Christian education’ as no other religions ever got a look in.

Without any firm religious values, I lived my life according to my own set of moral values. Basically I just used to drift from one point of view to the next, and do my best to ‘fit in’ with whichever group of people I was with. I did have a belief in God, although I have to admit that I did not do a lot about it.

Then I met a Muslim. This opened new channels of discussions, and re-kindled the flame of my belief in God. Many a conversation took place on all sorts of topics, the existence of God, Heaven and Hell, other religions, the Holy Prophet and his Family PBUT, even topics such as what was the point of dinosaurs, and aliens. Everything was a muddle in my mind, question after question I asked, and to each question there was an answer that satisfied it. I was confused though, if this religion was so correct, why hadn’t I heard about it already? What about all the kind people I had met that were not Muslims, surely their good deeds would count? Why do you have to become a Muslim if you live your life properly, i.e. do not steal, commit adultery etc. etc.?

As time passed I soon realised that I was just searching for excuses. I knew that Islam was correct, but I needed to dig deep to find the courage to change. No longer could I hide behind a wall of questions and ‘what ifs’, it was time to stand up and be part of something that I believed in.

I was very nervous, every few minutes my stomach churned, rushes of adrenal waves through my body. It was the night that I would declare myself a Muslim and change the rest of my life. I was sure about my decision to revert, but scared at the prospect at the same time, conflicting emotions and feelings taking it in turns to pop into my head, but all along I knew that Truth would win.

The time had come, we gathered in a group. I repeated everything that the Imam said to me, I hung onto every syllable and repeated as best I could, I was afraid that if I didn’t pronounce the Arabic words properly then my declaration would not count, and it had to count. I went into a kind of dream world, feeling as if this wasn’t really me, I was watching someone else. The emotions started to rise, I looked around and realised that I was not alone with my tears. My declaration was touching the hearts of those around me. The Imam then said a number of prayers for me and also for my family, I felt somehow indebted to him, I felt the need to repay him in some way for what he had enabled me to become.

Tears continued to roll as this pious Imam asked me to pray for him that night. How could one of my prayers be worth anything when compared to his? We shared a cup of water, I was allowed to drink first, followed by all my good friends, and I was now part of what they stood for. I had been accepted.

From that point onwards I was a Muslim, not only had this been witnessed by those around me, but also by all the Prophets PBUT, who I was told grace every declaration with their presence. I felt so honoured that I could hardly believe it.

The final part of the transformation was to wash. I needed to purify myself and all my sins would now be forgiven, as if they had been washed down the plughole with the soapy water. It was as if I had just been born; from now on it would be up to me.

The world now appeared differently to me. I noticed aspects of people that I had missedbefore, I was much more aware of good and evil around me. I could look back at my past and it really felt as if that wasn’t me at all, I had a feeling that I had been given a whole new life, and I had been detached from my previous actions. This carried with it a responsibility, a desire not to blemish my new clean record. I had so much to learn, so much to read and take in. I had to be different towards people at work and even my own family, I had to get rid of clothes, books and pictures, now that I had been purified I had to make an attempt to purify my surroundings.

With the help I have had from Allah SWT, I have now found the true path, and take the Holy Prophet and his Family PBUT as my examples tofollow, I must try and remember them with my every thought. My only wish now is that they may remember me on the Day of Judgement.

Holy Quran 2:38We Said: Go forth from this (state) all; So surely there will come to you guidance from Me, then whoever follows My guidance, no fear shall come upon them, nor shall they grieve.

Heather Olmstead

My Journey to Allah

I am a new Muslimah. I took shahada on August 15, 2002. I am so glad I did. Life is much better with Islam. I had been searching all my life for a way to Allah. I was raised Christian. I explored many different faiths looking for Truth and guidance. Now I have found it.

First of all, a bit of background about me. I was born and mostly raised in Wisconsin in the United States. When I was born, my parents belonged to the Quakers. So that was my first experience with religion. The Quakers are very open-minded, so I was exposed to many different people and faiths. I was raised with very few prejudices. My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. I think due to the divorce, my parents both began going through some sort of spiritual crisis. Every weekend my brother and I alternated which parent we were with. Due to their searching, we went to many different churches, all Protestant Christian.

My mother brought us to a group of Pentecostals, where they spoke in tongues (an angelic language believed to be sent through them by God) and healed people by praying. I remember having to stand on the chairs to see over all the people to catch the action. My father brought us to a Congregational church (the exact opposite of the Pentecostals), a DutchReformed (where my new step-mother went), and a group of divorced Christians that met for worship. Eventually my mother worked her way back to the church of her childhood.The Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod. For any of you that know anything about Lutherans, these guys are the strictest. They aren’t allowed to pray with anyone besides other Wisconsin Synod Lutherans, even other Christians, because they do not believe the same. I personally believe they are near cult status (though I would never say that in front of my grandmother!)

In that church I went through Catechism classes (where you are taught, once a week after school for three years, what the Church teaches) and was confirmed (graduation). But it all never added up for me. I was still searching.

In high school I made friends with other Christians who actually observed their faith (where I am from, everyone is Christian,they just don’t necessarily practice it). We met for Bible study and on weekends visited various churches. I studied every denomination I couldlooking for the Truth. Baptist, Pentecostal, Assembly of God, Unitarian, Methodist, Non-denominational, Snake handlers, World Wide Church of God, Shakers, Amish, Presbyterian, United Church of Christ. And the list goes on. I haveeither studied and met a member and/or attended worship in all of these (and more) denominations.

Then I found the Catholics. I was convinced I wanted to be a nun. I even went through the conversion classes. But something stopped me before I officially converted.

In college I was a Theology major with an emphasis in Comparative Religions. I made studying religions my life, not just my hobby. The more I studied, the more holes I found.

I went on and started to search outside of Christianity. I studied and/or practiced Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Neo-paganism, Witchcraft, Voodoo, Santeria, Ba’haism and Judaism. About the only thing I have stayed away from was Satanism! How I found Islam is a miracle brought about by the horrible tragedy of Sept.11. Before then, I thought, as many still do, that Islam was a controlling, misogynistic, violent religion. In all my religious studies, I hadn’t spent any more time on it then needed for my theology classes in college.

Though it still seems that the media doesn’t portray us in the kindest light, news reports and articles did begin to open my mind to a new way of thinking about Islam.

In a conversation with my mother-in-law, we began to discuss Islam. She made the comment “All Muslims, by the very nature of their religion, are violent”. Let me say, and I say this as fact, not as insult, that she is a very closed-minded person and does not educate herself on religions outside her narrow view of Protestant Christianity. So when she made the comment, I didn’t believe what she said. But it did occur to me, that I was unable to agree or disagree based on any knowledge that I personally had. I felt the need to change that. In classes in college I had learned the Five Pillars, and that Muslims prayed toward Mecca because Muhammad was from there (textbooks don’t have to be correct do they?)

Soon after I had the chance to receive some free pamphlets about Islam from a web-site (www.whyIslam.org). I sent for them, thinking that if we were going to be at war with these people, I should know something about them. The pamphlets came. I read them and was amazed. This religion was nothing like what I had previously thought! A volunteer from the web-site e-mailed me and offered me an English translation of the Qur’an. I thought “Why not?” I had read the Bible, some of the Hindu Vedas, much of the Talmud, and the Book of Mormon. So in the interest of education, I accepted the offer. When the book came, I found that he had generously sent me two other books.An Illustrated Guide to Islam and Towards Understanding Islam. I read them first. Then I began the Meaning of the Qur’an. It was if scales had fallen off my eyes, and off of my heart. I felt in my heart that I had found how to please God.

I promised myself I would not take shahada until I had read the entire Qur’an.Even though I spent hours studying other aspects of Islam on the internet. There was nothing that I learned that turned me off the faith. Instead, there were so many ideas that I had believed already. It was as if Allah had been leading me to Islam all of my life.

I prayed. I searched my heart. I tried to think of some excuse why I couldn’t convert to Islam. I thought about how my family and friends would take it. I thought about how hard it would be to wear hijab around here (and I felt that wearing hijab was fard). No matter what excuse I came up with, I knew they didn’t matter. Allah was calling me.

On the evening of August 15, 2002 I repeated after my internet friend, “La ilaha illa Allah Muhammadur rasoolu Allah (There is no true god but God, and Muhammad is the Messenger of God)”. I was Muslim. I felt great! Now I had to break the news to my husband. I actually hadn’t expected to convert so quickly. But when something is right, it happens. I told my husband and he was supportive. We had some difficulty over the next couple weeks, but we worked it out. He was just worried about me.Worried about violence from people because of 9/11. Worried I was on an emotional high and would come down and feel I had made a mistake. He had watched me explore many other religions over the course of our marriage. He was afraid this was another of my “phases”. Of course, he didn’t say this all so bluntly. He was very kind and considerate. I haven’t been a Muslim that long yet. Maybe this is another phase. But is that any excuse notto follow Allah? I had read an article on excuses of why women don’t wear hijab. One was because they were worried they would take it off at some later point and then would cause more harm then good. The response was that you cannot predict the future. Maybe you will take off your scarf. Maybe you wouldn’t. Is that any reason not to wear it now?

So I feel the same about being Muslim. Maybe someday I will fall away. I pray not. But is that any reason to not follow Allah today?

Holy Quran 7:203And when you bring them not a revelation they say: Why do you not forge it? Say: I only follow what is revealed to me from my Lord; these are clear proofs from your Lord anda guidance and a mercy for a people who believe.

BrotherYahya ,Donald Flood: An American English Language Instructor

Every culture has its own strengths and weaknesses. It is well known that American life as a considerable amount of personal freedom. So much so that many parents give a long rope to their children. They generally do not interfere in religious matters and in the personal pursuits of their children. As such, the personal activities of parents and children tend to be mutually accepted and respected. Don was the product of one such liberal home. He related his life story to me as follows.

My Religious Background

My religious background was as a typical American. I was a Christian and occasionally attended church with my family when I was growing up. It appeared that morality was the most important thing in Christianity. My lack of Christian knowledge and practice helped me to keep an open mind for other religions and cultures.

Experience with New Cultures

There is lot of mobility in American life. My father moved from place to place to follow his professional job. Fortunately, we had the chance to live in Latin America for several months when I was a high school student. I encountered a new culture and language there. I fully comprehended that there were other lifestyles in the world, not just the American lifestyle. This experience broadened my mind and outlook. I was, therefore,

curious to know more and more about other cultures and languages. I returned back to America with my family and completed my high school in Indiana. Thereafter, I joined the University of Texas in El Paso, which is on the border of Texas and Mexico, as a Business Administration major.

Camping Trip

After a few years of study, I knew that this major was not for me. I felt I needed something more interesting and cultural. It was during this time that a friend invited me to go with him on a three-month camping trip all over the USA and Western Canada. I cheerfully accepted because I knew this experience in the marvels of nature would be an appropriate setting to reflect upon personal goals and objectives. As a result of this experience, I didn’t arrive at any decisions regarding my academic pursuits, but I did realize that this world could not have been created by mistake, and that it was clearly a wonderland of signs pointing to its Creator. I was, however, not sure how to worship or appreciate our Creator.

Then one day while sunbathing, I suddenly realized that I could combine my interests in business and culture by majoring in Latin American Studies. I went back to the university at the beginning of the next academic year and transferred to this major.

Social Activities

While back in the university, my Hindu friend invited me, along with his Saudi friend, to a church gathering, which included sports activities and a home-cooked meal. As a student, you do take advantage of every opportunity for a home-cooked meal. The dinner was very sumptuous. At the end of the evening something unexpected happened. The leader of the church started singing a song scribbled on the blackboard in Hebrew. He wanted us to repeat it after him. We noticed that our Saudi friend, Abu Hussein, suddenly stood up and asked us to leave the gathering with him. The host tried to persuade us to stay, but we hurriedly left the church. Ironically, this incident made us closer friends. A few weeks later Abu Hussein and I decided to rent a house together, along with a student from Kuwait and one from Iran.

This new living arrangement provided me with a closer interaction with their cultures. I loved their meals and tried to prepare some of them. I noticed that my housemates often liked to eat with their right hand without the use of silverware. They also preferred sitting down on the floor to eat instead of sitting at a table. I did not know why they took a pitcher of water with them to the toilet for cleaning purposes. I also noticed that they offered their guests unparalleled hospitality. Regarding their character, I was impressed with their high level of self-confidence, which seemed to stem from some special kind of certainty about what they were doing and where they were going in life. I understood later that most of these mannerisms were according to the teachings of Islam and not necessarily cultural behavior.

By partially experiencing both the Latin American and Arab cultures, I observed many distinct similarities. Moreover, these findings were confirmed through my university studies on Latin America. I learned this affinity resulted from the 800-year influence of the Islamic civilization on Spain and medieval Europe. Thus, through their historical bond with the Arabs, some Islamic practices continue to be part of the Latin American culture of today.

Overseas Trip

After graduation, my housemates went back to their respective countries. I remained in touch with Abu Hussein. One year after our graduation he invited me to visit Saudi Arabia for two weeks. I accepted his invitation and travelled to Saudi Arabia where I was received like a king. I spent most of the time in a village situated a few hours south of Riyadh. I came across a very different lifestyle. I slept in an open space under the stars on big beautiful red carpets.

Abu Hussein sacrificed several sheep and invited all the villagers for a dinner. I never had attention like this in my whole life and we were mutually appreciative of each other. One evening after dinner, we went out to the desert to look at their camels. One of the boys milked a camel and offered me some of this fresh milk. After drinking some, I commented that this camel milk was absolutely delicious. Then Abu Hussein’s father said to me, “If you become a Muslim, I shall give you ten camels.” I responded promptly, “If you become a Christian, I shall give you ten camels.” After briefly experiencing life in the desert of Saudi Arabia, I returned back to America.

My New Career

After working for two years as a marketing representative for a publishing company in America, I found a job as an English foreign language instructor in Abu Dhabi, UAE. I really enjoyed this kind of work. I decided that teaching English as a foreign language would be my career from then on. Moreover, this two-year experience provided me with more exposure to Arab culture. As with my former Muslim roommates, I also found the people in this country to be extremely generous, confident and social. Nonetheless, I was feeling a bit homesick and decided to return home.

My Experience in Las Vegas

After a short time, I went to Las Vegas, Nevada since it has a high concentration of foreign immigrants who mostly work in the casinos. I put an advertisement in a newspaper offering to teach English as a foreign language. Fortunately, I got a few students quickly. I taught them in my kitchen with the use of a small blackboard placed on the wall. At that time I realized that Las Vegas didn’t have an English language institute, so my colleague and I established one in the heart of the city. The business of the institute flourished. However in my free time, I took part in some of the sinful activities of Las Vegas. This kind of lifestyle made me sick of myself. I soon got tired of these social evils in the society. Life appeared meaningless and confused. I wanted to have a change again so I faxed my resume to Abu Hussein for him to help me find work in Saudi Arabia. To my surprise, I was offered a job to teach English to employees of a petrochemical company in Jubail.

Within one month I was there. Repentance

I took many books to Jubail on various topics. One day I was reading a book on philosophy. The book suggested the need for making sincere repentance to God. I had never made repentance in my life. I started recalling all people I had wronged and the wrong I did to myself in that process. Then, I repented hoping for the best. After a short time, I thought that perhaps God had accepted my repentance. A clear indicator of this acceptance was that God put specific people in my life and allowed certain situations to occur that guided me to the right path. I would like to share some of these circumstances with the reader.

The Meaning of Freedom

I was with Abu Hussein. He also had a friend visiting him. I mentioned to them that I was used to having a lot more freedom in America than what was present in their country. The visitor said, “It depends on what you mean by freedom. In your part of the world, no matter how well parents teach morality to their children inside the home, as soon as they go outside, they generally encounter the society in contradiction to that morality.

On the other hand, in most Muslim communities, the morals taught to the children at home are very similar to what they find away from home. So who really has the freedom here?”

Like it or not, I was inclined to agree with his interpretation of freedom in which immorality tends to be prevalent in societies that are overly liberal. In this case, too much freedom often becomes a negative aspect of society, not a positive one. From his analogy, I also understood that the Islamic guidelines and restrictions sanctioning human behavior in Muslim societies are not meant to curtail human freedom; rather, they serve to define and dignify human freedom.

The Game of Roulette

A further opportunity to learn about Islam arose when I was invited to sit with a group of Muslims over dinner. After mentioning to the group that I had been living in Las Vegas, Nevada before coming to the Middle East, a Muslim from America said, “You must make sure you die as a good Muslim.” I immediately asked him to explain what he meant. He said, “If you die as a non-Muslim, it is like playing the game of roulette in which you put all of your chips (all of your life, including your deeds and your particular belief in God) on only one number, just hoping that perhaps by the Mercy of God, you will enter Paradise on Judgement Day. In contrast, if you die as a good Muslim, it is like spreading your chips all over the roulette board, so that every number is covered. In this way, no matter what number the ball falls on, you’re safe. In other words, living and dying as a good Muslim is the best insurance you will not go to Hell, and at the same time, it is the best investment that you’ll go to Paradise.” As a former resident of Las Vegas, I could directly relate to this example with the game of roulette.

At this point, I recognized that it is the duty of all human beings to seek the truth to this life and not just blindly accept the religion that their society or parents follow. I also determined that I would not find the truth until I established a relationship with God. That being the case, I decided to concentrate on those religions emanating from Divine revelations linked with specific prophets and messengers. Hence, I chose to continue my search for the truth within Judeo-Christianity and Islam.

Even though I grew up as a Christian, I had been bewildered about Christianity. I felt like I inherited a mysterious religion beyond understanding. I believe it was for this reason that I was a Christian by name but not in practice. What’s more, I realized my confusion about Christian beliefs caused me to be in a state of non-religiousness. Nevertheless, while I was searching for the truth, I had a chance to sincerely re-examine those beliefs I inherited from my parents, yet never bothered to scrutinize.

Not an Ordinary Picnic

Some Muslims in Jubail arranged a special picnic for non-Muslims. After playing some games, we ate a delicious dinner. Finally, we heard a short lecture about Islam. I was shocked to learn that the Muslims believe in all the prophets and also in all the revelations of God in their original form. Moreover, I learned the Qur’an was the last revelation sent for the sake of all mankind, andMohammad( pbuh) was the last Prophet and Messenger who received this revelation. As the Seal of Prophets, he has served as the best example for all to follow.

Upon leaving the picnic, they gave us a few booklets on comparative religion. One of them contained a dialogue between a Muslim and a Christian. The following conclusions were evident from the study of this booklet. a) The real competition in this life is racing with one another to do good deeds to please the Creator, not the competition of pursuing more and more wealth or fame.

b) Hell is surrounded by lustful desires. These desires lead you to nothing else except to the roaring flames of Hellfire. On the other hand, Paradise is surrounded by challenges and if you look beyond them, you will find Paradise.

c) I found out that the Bible warns against adding or removing information from its teachings, which is evidentlywhat happened. (See Jeremiah 8:8-9; Revelations 22:18-19). God addresses this point in the Qur’an as well, “So woe to those who write the “scripture” with their own hands, then say, “This is from God,” in order to exchange it for a small price. Woe to them for what their hands have written and woe to them for what they earn.” (2:79) Consequently, I was surprised to find out about hundreds of verses in the Bible which reveal a lack of harmony in Christian beliefs. According to these materials, God was One prior to Jesus (pbuh). Likewise, Jesus (pbuh) propagated the belief in One God. However, after Jesus (pbuh), Christianity emphasized the Trinity instead of the Oneness of God. Also, before Jesus (pbuh), God was without sons and equals. Similarly, Jesus (pbuh) said he was God’s messenger, whereas after his time, Christianity stressed that he is God’s son or God Himself.

After reading these booklets, I finally determined that the Christian perception of God is very illogical indeed: God becomes man, which He created, and then allows himself to suffer and die as a sacrifice at the hands of His very own creation to cleanse mankind of sin inherited fromAdam( pbuh) and his descendants. Belief in this concept became the source of salvation according to the Church.

Visiting a Mosque as a non-Muslim

I happened to be shopping with Abu Hussein and another friend when it was the time for prayer. We went to a mosque where they advised me to wash up in a certain way and then follow them in the rituals of the prayer. I did this by looking out of the corner of my eye. I sat still after this peaceful experience and was somewhat nervous since I did not know what else to do. I, however, realized that non-Muslims are allowed to enter mosques under certain conditions. My friends asked me to wait outside the mosque during the congregational prayer to avoid any misunderstandings with the Muslims. Correspondingly, I was with my Saudi friends on another occasion when it was again prayer time. They said, “Why don’t you pray with us? Ask God for forgiveness, guidance to the truth and express gratitude to Him.” At the end of the prayer I felt relief and contentment, which I had never felt before. From that point, I was always looking forward to praying with them, even though I was not a Muslim and I was not praying correctly.

Overcoming Obstacles

There were several obstacles preventing me from converting to Islam. The fear of losing life-long friends and family members was predominantly on my mind. Furthermore, leaving certain vices in one go was not easy since conversion demanded a total change in lifestyle. I was mentally not yet ready to overcome these hurdles, even though Islamic practices were very soothing to me both mentally and spiritually. I admitted to an American Muslim friend in Jubail that I was very close to embracing Islam, but I needed a push forward. Consequently, he gave me an Islamic video to watch.

An Inspiring Video

Once again I was invited to a gathering at Abu Hussein’s residence. There were many young Saudi men in this group. After dinner they engaged in conversation, but I wasn’t able to speak Arabic. I noticed that there was a TV and VCR in this room. I remembered I had that video from my American Muslim friend in the car. Shortly thereafter, I started watching this video which posed a very important question: What is the purpose of life? I was uncertain just as many other people in the world are unsure about the answer to this question. Needless to say, I learned a few important points from this video. The lecturer in the video commented very precisely on what the purpose of life is. He said that the purpose of life is Islam or total peaceful submission to the Will ofAllah( God). I was surprised to hear such a short answer to what I thought was such a complex question.

An additional point was that, unlike other religions or beliefs, the term ‘Islam’ is not associated with any particular person or place. God has named the religion in the following Qur’anic verse: “Indeed, the Religion in the sight of God is Islam…” (3:19)Anyone who embraces Islam is called a Muslim regardless of that person’s race, sex or nationality. This is one of the reasons why Islam is a universal religion.

Prior to my search for the truth, I had never seriously considered Islam as an option because of the constant negative portrayal of Muslims in the media. Similarly, it was disclosed in this video, that although Islam is characterized by high moral standards, not all Muslims uphold these standards. I learned the same can be said about adherents of other religions. I finally understood that we should not judge a religion by the actions of its followers alone because all humans are sinful. On that account, we should not judge Islam by the actions of its proponents, but by its revelation (the Qur’an) and by the sayings and actions of ProphetMohammad( pbuh).

Lastly, the lecturer guided the viewer in decision making by presenting simple examples, as in the following: “If you are a Christian and want to become a Muslim, it is like having an expensive suit that is a bit too large. Instead of throwing it away,

you just make certain alterations so it fits you better. In other words, you do not cast away all your previous beliefs and practices that you’ve had since your childhood. You rather take them with you to Islam and incorporate them into your life as a Muslim, with modifications and due refinements.”

The Aftermath

After viewing the video my heart and mind were absolutely convinced that Islam is the truth. I experienced the weight of disbelief and sins flying off my body. I felt so light as if I were rising above the earth. This experience, coupled with the long process of reasoning, solved the ‘purpose of life puzzle’. It revealed Islam as the truth, thereby replenishing my ‘spiritual landscape’ with belief, purpose, direction and action. From this experience, I deduced that man might neglect the guidance of God and establish his own standards of living. Ultimately, however, he will discover it was only a mirage that eluded him.

My Insistence on Accepting Islam

I called Abu Hussein and walked with him to the passage leading to another room in order to get away from the gathering. I told him that I wanted to accept Islam right now. He advised me to study more about Islam before embracing it. I insisted that I wanted to accept it now and then without any delay. On my insistence he led me in saying the shahada or the formal testimony of faith to become a Muslim. Abu Hussein then announced my conversion to the group. They were surprised and overjoyed. Everybody hugged me one by one. They advised me to take a bath for purification purposes and start offering prayer as best as I can. I started praying regularly in the mosque the next day.

I was subsequently reminded that this formal testimony to become a Muslim confirms one’s belief in all the prophets of God, along with all of His Divine revelations in their original forms, thereby updating and completing one’s religion to the last of the prophets Muhammad(pbuh) and to the final revelation of God[the Qur’an]. The following point became overwhelmingly clear to me: HadJesus( pbuh) been the last prophet of God and had the Gospel been the final book of revelation, I would have just followed that creed. As a result, I have naturally chosen to follow Islam, which represents the final revelation from the Creator with Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) as the seal of the prophets, who is the best example for mankind to follow.

Muslim Name

After two days I went to the mosque to participate in the Friday congregational prayer. Abu Hussein suggested that I repeat the shahada again in front of the congregation to have more of an impact. I agreed. We were both sitting in the mosque waiting for the sermon. Abu Hussein asked me, “What Muslim name you would like to have so that theImam( prayer leader) can introduce you with your Muslim name?” I told him, “I am not sure. He should introduce me with my American name.” Abu Hussein kept reciting the Quran sitting by my side. Then he came across the word ‘Yahya’. He touched me with his elbow and said quietly to me, “How does Yahya sound to you as your name?” I asked, “What does it mean?” He said, “John the Baptist. Its other meaning is to live.” I said, “That will do since I know of John the Baptist from the Bible. Furthermore, this name signifies a new life for me in Islam. It is, indeed, an appropriate Muslim name for me.” After the prayer, the Imam invited me to repeat the shahada in front of the very large congregation. About three hundred people congratulated me and hugged me individually waiting anxiously for their turns.

Many people said, “Accepting Islam is the best decision you have ever made in your life.” I was surprised that all the people cared to personally congratulate me. It raised my morale and spirits very high. When I look back on this experience of becoming a Muslim, I believe it happened because it was the Will of Allah that I had an intense curiosity to learn about other cultures, followed by a sincere desire to find the truth of this life. Allah knows best and all Praise is due to Him!!!

Goal of Life

I was told to learn more about Islam every day and try to put it into practice. I was also told that I was not responsible for what I didn’t know about in Islam initially. I appreciated this flexibility in Islam. After a short time, I understood that Islam is in direct contrast to the western focus on the self. Islam tells us to look beyond ourselves and our vain desires. Islam guides and motivates us to focus on Allah. By doing so, we begin to fulfil the purpose of our life, which is to believe in and worship Almighty God and thus attain peace with our Creator and ourselves. Hence, Islam serves as the goal and the purpose of life.

Islamic Education and Growth

I was fortunate to be in an Islamic country when I accepted Islam because of the presence of many knowledgeable Muslims along with an abundance of Islamic materials. I could readily understand and appreciate what I was learning because Islamic teachings were being put into practice in the society. I attended a weekly Islamic meeting with individuals from many lands. We met once a week for four years. We studied Qur’anic reading and interpretation, along with some memorization of the Qur’an. We also received extensive education in various aspects of Islam at a basic level. This Islamic education provided me with a good foundation upon which to further purify myself.

Islamic Marriage

Marriage is highly recommended in Islam. I realized that by marrying an Arabic-speaking Muslim, I would be giving my children one of the best possible gifts, which is the Arabic language. Hence, I married a Syrian lady, and with the Mercy of Allah, our children are doing well in Arabic and are learning the Quran. When I visited America, my family inquired about marriage in Islam. I explained to them that the obligations of spouses are assigned by the Creator and are not man-made rules. For that reason, these guidelines are perfect and there is no fear of any foul play if we adhere to them sincerely.

Reaction of the Family

My acceptance of Islam stunned my family initially. Finally they said, “If Islam makes you happy, we are happy for you.” Thus, we mutually respected each other.

The Shahada of My Mother

My sister called me from America and said that our mother was extremely ill. My wife and I rushed from Saudi Arabia to America. During our stay there, I asked my mother,“ Do you believe in one God?” She said,“ Yes .” I said to her say, “La ilaha illa Allah.” She repeated this in Arabic. She also repeated the translation of this sentence in English, ‘There is no deity but Allah’. After a few days I asked her, “Do you believe in all the Prophets like Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Mohammad?” She said, “Yes.” I said, “Then repeat after me, “La ilaha illa Allah Mohammadan Rasoolu llah.” She also said it in English, i.e., ‘There is no deity but Allah and Mohammad is His Messenger.’ She left us about five days after her acceptance of Islam. I thank Allah for guiding my mother to the right path during her last few days in this world. When I reflect upon it, I recall that she usually cared for others’ needs more than her own. Evidently, Allah has been very merciful to her. Allah knows best!!!

Her Extraordinary Observation

It was amazing what my mother said to me during her last days in this world. She said, “There is a golden light coming out of your forehead.” I told her that it is there because we believe in and pray to Allah. Her observation is described in the Holy Qur’an: …the Day that Allah will not disgrace theProphet[ (Mohammad(pbuh) and those who believe with him. Their light will run forward before them… They will say: “Our Lord! Keep perfect our light for us [and do not put it off till we cross over theSirat( a slippery bridge over the Hell) safely] and grant us forgiveness… (66:8)”

Holy Quran 22:8And among men there is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge and without guidance and without an illuminating book.

My Body Started To Tremble with Fear and Tears Were Flowing

Assalam Alaikum

I have been reading the stories of people converting to Islam for quite a while now and decided to tell everyone about my story. It is a bit different than others in fact I was born in a Muslim family in the United Kingdom and have lived here all my life.

My parents came to this country before I was born. I have three sisters and one brother. Even though I was born in a Muslim family none I knew were practising. All I knew was that I had a Muslim name, couldn’t eat pork and the whitepeoples meat, and was not allowed to show my legs.

I had a really disturbing childhood my father used to physically and mentally abuse my mother and all of us. He used to drink and have extra marital affairs. We were very afraid of him and could never talk to him freely. As growing up I lacked self-confidence and was very shy because I used to be put down a lot by my father.

When I was about nine years old we went to Pakistan to live as my dad was afraid we didn’t speak their language i.e. Punjabi and were not familiar with the culture. We stayed there for five years I would say it was a good thing as we were taught reciting the Quran, praying salaat and we went to school which taught us about Islamic history but still nothing that made an effect. We came back to England and things were a bit better than before my dad wasn’t as abusive. My sister wanted to marry a man but my father disapproved so she ran off to get married to him. I was aware of this and tried to talk her out of it but she had made her mind up. I also left on the same day and went to a hostel as I was afraid what my father would do to me.

I hated it, there were other Asian girls living there but I didn’t like the way they were. They had boyfriends and lived like white girls I cried for two days and decided to go home as I didn’t want to live like that. It was horrible going back and getting cursed by my dad but there was nowhere to go.

I remember praying to Allah that I didn’t want to commit suicide and I didn’t want to live either. I asked him to help me and get me out of this tough time. Suddenly things started to get better, my uncle’s son who I hadn’t seen for a very long time came to our house and we were attracted to each other. We got married and he is everything I wanted in a husband at that time he was very trusting and gave me freedom and basically let me do what I wanted to in its limits. He used to pray the jummah salaat and that’s about it.

After I had my second child my husband changed, he said that the following Ramadan we will begin to pray salaat and read the Quran translation tapes his father gave to us a couple of years ago. I said well I tried to make excuses that I couldn’t remember to pray may Allah forgive me. So I put the cassette on and began to listen to the Quran I cannot explain what effect it had on me my body started to tremble with fear and tears were flowing from my eyes. I felt like I was the worst person on earth for not living the way Allah swt has told us. I began to pray five times a day and read all the Quran by meaning, that Ramadan I will never forget as it changed my life and my husband’s forever. Since then we have become stronger in our faith I have began to wear a hijab and my husband has kept a beard. He intends to perform Hajj next year Insha Allah and I pray that Allah calls for me and makes a way for me too as I have three young sons whom we are trying to in our best ability to bring them up as the Quran and the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has told us to. I have made it my life to gain knowledge about the Islamic way of life and pray that we all get Allah’s guidance before it is too late. My message to all my Muslim brothers and sisters is to not just recite the Quran but actually understand the message Allah has sent for all mankind through the Prophet asa guidance to us to save us from the punishment of the hellfire, and for us to be successful in achieving Allah’s mercy and heaven as a reward. Ameen

Holy Quran 72:13And that when we heard the guidance, we believed in it; so whoever believes in his Lord, he should neither fear loss nor being overtaken (by disgrace).

Yusuf Abdullah [Joseph Zammit]

Since childhood I was gifted with the sincere love for God and I was very sensitive to spiritual/religious things. I used to re-tell the stories about the saints to my mother while she was doing the housework. I spent my time reading the life stories of saints and the prophets in the Old Testament, as well I was highly fascinated with Jesus (Peace be on him). In my late teens, about 17 years old, this childhood fascination took a drastic turn when a priest gave me a copy of the Plain Truth magazine. Immediately curious, I embarked on a correspondence course in Bible study.

Slowly but surely I was becoming aware of something beautiful in the Bible which was missing. I could not accept the teachings of the church anymore as they did not inspire me at all. I couldn’t understand how and why our society is so anti-Christian in its values. Religion was for inside the church only! On the other hand, I wanted to seek the inner, true teachings of the prophets and of Jesus (Peace on them all) in particular. I started using the Psalms as my daily prayers and for the first time I got satisfaction and power from prayers so much that tears would flow down my cheeks.

As my thirst and hunger increased, I started studying various mystical paths, as well as psychology. I started reading Tibetan Buddhism, as well as the Sufis who made a very good impression on me, but I brushed them aside as being Muslims. I studied the Hindu mystics, the Upanishads, the Bhagavad Gita,

then on to the Theosophists, Buddhism, Zen and Tao yoga. During these years I used to correspond with initiates in these religions in the UK.

Simultaneously, I started studying Gnosticism, and thisreverted me back to the Bible studies. I studied a lot of good books by Jewish scholars as well as international Bible scholars about many contradictions in the Bible. Next thing was that I contacted various Rosicrucian Orders and being a member in a couple of them. The Rosicrucians claim to be gnostic and freemasons and they promise the initiate to receive Cosmic Power etc. I was still going back, every now and then, to Sufi philosophy and mysticism and still was impressed and attracted by their simplicity and inner love for Allah. The Sufis touched my heart as nothing else did. In 1986 I decided to cut off my name and membership in the Catholic Church. I did this officially through the legal methods available. This was one of the most challenging things I did, alhamdulillah.

In 1989 I made contact with an Indian Master of high standing and was initiated. This Path is purely mystical and within the folds of the Sikh religion. At last, I said this is it. I was initiated into it for 11 whole years when I started to see similarities in the teachings to Sufi teachings, which I kept interested in. This was very interesting and I started investigating further the issue. I found out, to my amazement and satisfaction, that the Path was influenced, way back in the 16th century, by Sufi teachings and mysticism. Interest again flared up within me regarding the Sufis and so decided to go back to the roots of it, therefore studying more deeply the Sufi Way, which more and more was influencing me. The great obstacle was that real Sufis were Muslims—or worked within the Islamic religion. I found many so called Internationalsufi orders which were neutral to religion but these I wasn’t attracted to. I kept on asking why do I have to be a Muslim in order to be asufi ? To become a Muslim is considered as a big ‘treason’ in a Catholic country like Malta. At this period in my life, I increased my prayers fervently and the yearning within me exploded. To my amazement and bewilderment, I found myself reading the Quran, the Holy scripture that is obviously so close to what Jesus taught, as well as the Old testament Prophets, that I laughed at myself for having missed it (or bypassed it) in my studies.

Reading the Holy Quran was the pivot in my life. I started exploring the Pillars of Islam and by the help and mercy of Allah I gathered strength enough to embrace Islam on Laylat-u-l-Qadr in year 2000. My studies of Sufis became deeper and I made contact with a couple of Tariqas, employing their daily wasifas and dhikr.

AFTERTHOUGHT

Here I must emphasise the real cause behind my whole life. Since childhood I wanted God and God alone. Whatever Prophet, Guru,Master I met with, it was only for the glory of God. God was and still is my aim, my life, my breath. Since childhood, I always thought about death. Being rich, having a nice family, being healthy, having a beautiful wife etc etc…so what? I have to die, then…? Therefore, I was sincere and took life seriously. I used to pray and pray and cry “Oh Allah! If I succeed in findingYou just before I die, my whole life would have been a success!” Going through life, in all its materialistic attractions and deviations, still my heart pointed towards God.

Having arrived at the stage where I was a candidate student in one of the oldest Sufi Schools, I thought now this is really it. But Allah knows best. This year [2002], one week before embarking for the Hajj, casually I met a Muslim couple from UK at the local masjid. I had a very good conversation with them and in the night they gave me some books to read. I realised they were from theshia . I was so fascinated by one of the books they gave me that I made it a point to contact them at the Hotel next morning, but alas! They had flown back home. I went to the Hajj fully convinced that theshia are the true Muslims. So, I advise anyone to keep himself/herself open and let God do the work. We must have yearning, longing and be sincere in our prayers, then Allah does it all.

Your brother in Islam

Holy Quran 2:97 Say: Whoever is the enemy of Jibreel-- for surely he revealed it to your heart by Allah’s command, verifying that which is before it and guidance and good news for thebelievers.

Abdul-Lateef Abdullah (Steven Krauss)

My journey to Islam - How Malay martial arts led a theologically dissatisfied American Protestant to Islam.

My experience in Islam began as a graduate student in New York City in 1998. Up to that point in my life, for 25 years, I had been a Protestant Christian, but had not been practicing my religion for quite some time. I was more interested in “spirituality” and looking for anything that didn’t have to do with organized religion. To me, Christianity was out of touch and not relevant to the times. It was hard for me to find anything in it that I could apply to my everyday life. This disillusion with Christianity led me to shun everything that claimed to be organized religion, due to my assumption that they were all pretty much the same, or at least in terms of their lack of relevance and usefulness.

Much of my frustration with Christianity stemmed from its lack of knowledge and guidance around the nature of God, and the individual’s relationship to Him. To me, the Christian philosophy depends on this rather bizarre intermediary relationship that we are supposed to have with Jesus, who on one hand was a man, but was also divine. For me, this difficult and very vague relationship with our Creator left me searching for something that could provide me with a better understanding of God, and our relationship to Him. Why couldn’t I just pray directly to God? Why did I have to begin and end every prayer with “in the name of Jesus Christ?” How can an eternal, omnipotent Creator and Sustainer also take the form of a man? Why would He need to? These were just a few of the questions that I could not resolve and come to terms with. Thus, I was hungry for a more straightforward and lucid approach to religion that could provide my life with true guidance, not just dogma that was void of knowledge based in reason.

While in graduate school I had a Jewish roommate who was a student of the martial arts. While I was living with him he was studying an art called silat, a traditional Malaysian martial art that is based on the teachings of Islam. When my roommate would come home from his silat classes he would tell me all about the uniqueness of silat and its rich spiritual dimension. As I was quite interested in learning martial arts at the time, I was intrigued by what I had heard, and decided to accompany my roommate to class one Saturday morning. Although I did not realize it at the time, my experience in Islam was beginning that morning at my first silat class in New York City back on February 28th, 1998. There I met my teacher, Cikgu (which means teacher in Malay) Sulaiman, the man who would first orient me to the religion of Islam. Although I thought I was beginning a career as a martial artist, that day back in 1998 actually represented my first step toward becoming Muslim.

From the very beginning I was intrigued by silat and Islam and began spending as much time as possible with my teacher. As my roommate and I were equally passionate about silat, we would go to my teacher’s house and soak up as much knowledge as we could from him. In fact, upon our completing graduate school in the spring of 1998, upon his invitation, we spent the entire summer living with him and his wife. As my learning in silat increased, so did my learning about Islam, a religion that I had hardly any knowledge of prior to my experience in silat.

What made my orientation to Islam so powerful was that as I was learning about it, I was also living it.Because I studied at the home of my teacher, being in the presence of devout Muslims allowed me to be constantly surrounded by the sounds, sights and practices of Islam. For as Islam is an entire lifestyle, when you are in an Islamic environment, you cannot separate it out from everyday life. Unlike Christianity, which lends toward a separation between daily life and religion, Islam requires its’ followers to integrate worship of Allah into everything we do. Thus, in living with my teacher, I was immersed in the Islamic deen (lifestyle) and experiencing first-hand how it can shape one’s entire way of life.

In the beginning Islam was very different and powerful to me. It was also very foreign in many ways and the amount of discipline it requires was difficult to understand. At the time I was liberal in many ways, and was used to shunning anything dogmatic or imposed, regardless of where it came from! As time went on, however, and my understanding of Islam grew, I began to slowly see that what seemed to be religious dogma was really a lifestyle put forth to us by our Creator. This lifestyle, I would later learn, is the straight path to true contentment, not just the sensual and superficial way of life that my society and culture promote. I realized that the question is quite simple actually. Who could possibly know better what the best way of life is for human beings than the all-wise Creator?

From that first silat class in New York City to the day I took my shahadda, July 30, 1999, I had undergone a thorough self-examination that was comprised of two major processes. One was to question the culture of the society I was brought up in, and the second was to question the role I wanted religion to play in my everyday life. As for my culture, this one was not as difficult as most people would think.

American culture is highly influential on how we see life because it constantly bombards us with sensual gratification aimed at appealing to our worldly desires. In America happiness is defined by what we have and consume, thus, the entire culture is geared toward the marketplace. Unless we are removed from this type of environment it is difficult to see it’s drawbacks, which are based on worshipping and putting faith in everything but God, the only One that can provide us with real, lasting contentment in our lives.

Being a social scientist by trade, much of my professional time is spent trying to address the social ills of our society. As I learned more about Islam, I came to the conclusion that many societal ills are based on unhealthy social behaviour. Since Islam is a lifestyle focused totally on the most healthy, positive way of conducting our lives in every setting, then it is, and will always be, the only real answer to any of society’s social dilemmas. With this realization, not only did I decide that Islam was relevant to my everyday life, but I began to understand why it is so different from other religions. Only Islam provides knowledge and guidance for every aspect of life. Only Islam provides a way to achieve health and happiness in every dimension of life – physical, spiritual, mental, financial, etc. Only Islam provides us with a clear life goal and purpose. And only Islam shows us the proper way to live in and contribute to a community. Islam is what everyone needs, and what so many who have not found it yet, are searching for. It is the path to purpose, meaning, health and happiness. This is because it is the straight path to the source of truth and real power – Allah.

It was only until I actually became Muslim that I realized just how encompassing the Islamic lifestyle is. Literally everything we do has one underlying purpose – to remember Allah. The lifestyle provides us with the way – not just the understanding – but an actual method of constantly remembering our Creator in as simple an act as greeting someone, or getting dressed in the morning, or waking up from sleep. Islam shows us that by remembering Allah, everything we do becomes focused on Him, and thus becomes an act of worship. From this, our energy, our thoughts, and our actions all become redirected away from unhealthy and uselesscauses, and focused on the source of all goodness. Thus, we are continuously tapping into His divine strength, mercy and grace. So, by remembering Allah constantly, we become stronger and healthier in every aspect of our lives and not distracted by self-defeating thoughts and behaviours.

There still remain some minor aspects of Islam that have proven to be somewhat difficult adjustments for me. Nevertheless, I thank Allah everyday for the ease to which he has allowed me to make the necessary changes in my life so that I can continue to live in America and still be, Insha-Allah, a good Muslim. As a white, middle-class American, many cultural aspects of Islam are quite different from the way in which I grew up. In fact, when I finally broke the news to my family that I had become Muslim, almost all of their questions and concerns were related to cultural differences – marriage, social life, family, etc. They were much less concerned about my general beliefs about God and religious practice. For my family, friends, and co-workers, becoming Muslim was not seen necessarily as a negative change, but it has required a great deal of education about Islam.

Because acquiring knowledge is a critical component to a Muslim’s development, having a teacher who has taught me how to apply Islam in everyday life has made all the difference in managing whatever difficulties I have experienced from my reversion. Having someone knowledgeable you can turn to whenever you have questions is a wonderful support that every new shahada should go out of their way to find. Islam is not a religion that can be rationalized, in the way that Christianity and Judaism are. It is a clear path that must be followed just as Allah has laid out for us through the Qur’an and the lives of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.), his companions, and the saints of Islam.

In this day and age, in this society, discerning the path can often be difficult, especially when we are constantly faced with questions and doubts from people who on the surface may not be hostile to Islam, but whose general lack of faith can have a harmful effect on someone who bases everything they do on their love for Allah. It is also not easy being in an environment where we are constantly bombarded with sensual temptations that are seen as ordinary, common aspects of everyday life. But when we have the support of a knowledgeable, experienced teacher, who is able to apply the universal teachings of Islam to his life, then the truth becomes clear from error, exactly how Allah (SWT) describes in the Qur’an. From this, we are able to understand how to apply Islam correctly to our own lives, and Insha-Allahreceive Allah’s many blessings. The ultimate test, however, of anyone who claims to have true and right knowledge, is to look at how they apply it in their own lives. If their actions support their teachings, then and only then should we look to them forguidance.

My journey to Islam has been a life-altering experience. It is one that with every passingday, makes me more and more appreciative and thankful to Almighty Allah. The extent of His mercy can only fully be understood from the perspective of a Muslim – one who prostrates regularly and submits their will to that of the Creator.

I look back at my life prior to Islam and reflect on the different ways I sought guidance. I think back to all the different ideas I once had of who God really is, and how we can become close to Him. I look back now with a smile and perhaps even a tear because now I know the truth. Through Islam, I know why so many people who do not believe have so much fear inside them.

Life can be very scary without God. I know, because I once harboured that same level of fear. Now, however, I have the ultimate “self-help” program. It’s the self-help program without the self. It’s the path that puts everything is in its proper place. Now, life makes sense. Now, life is order. Now, I know why I am here, where I want to go, what I want my life to be, how I want to live, and what is most important not just to me, but to everyone. I only hope and pray that others who have not found the path yet, can feel the same that I do. Ya arhama rahimeen wal hamdulillahi rabbil aylameen…

Holy Quran 3:96 Most surely the first house appointed for men is the one at Bekka, blessed anda guidance for the nations.

Sister Mardiyyah

I am a forty seven year old wife, mother of three and grandmother of one. I was born & brought up as a Methodist Christian. As a child I wasChristened and sent to Sunday school, even becoming a Sunday school teacher. Both at Sunday school & day school I always came top in religious instruction exams. Even then though, I remember thinking that I wished I could really believe and accept Christianity wholeheartedly, but I always felt that something was wrong or something missing. Why if there was only one God did we worship Jesus? How if God was not human could he have a Son? Why did we refer to God as three- the Holy Trinity? As far as I was concerned God was God, on his own – Full Stop! My father’sfamily were not practising Christians but my mothers were. My great grandfather had even been responsible for the setting up of the Methodist Chapel in his village. This was the same chapel I attended and where my family were very well known and always treated with the utmost respect.

After I met my future husband, who told me he was an atheist, I stopped attending Chapel and teaching at the Sunday school. Over the next few years my husband & I had three children and like a lot of people I followed the traditions of my family and had them christened and sent them to Sunday school. I may not have agreed wholeheartedly with Christianity but I had nothing better to offer them. I attended weddings, christenings & burials and some Easter & Christmas Services and Chapel Anniversary Services, always thinking that I really wanted to believe more than I did and always feeling something was missing.

Having three children my life was always busy and I didn’t really give much thought to religion on a day to day basis but then about fifteen years ago I became involved in local politics. Attending a party political conference, one of my fellow delegates was a Doctor, a Bangladeshi Muslim. We struck up a friendship and would talk, not just about Politics but many other things including religion. I had for some time admired things like Islamic buildings and art, I also liked the clothing that Indian women (not necessarily Muslim wore –Salwar Kameez, particularly the printed fabrics and scarves). From the few things I had learnt about Islam and Muslims from newspapers etc. I could see that my colleague was a pretty poor Muslim. I found out that he only prayed once a day, didn’t fast, and hadn’t been on Hajj, but this somehow got to me and I started reading anything and everything I could find about Islam.

Over the next ten or twelve years I had periods when I would read extensively and periods when I wouldn’t give it a thought. I quickly began to admire the ethics of Muslim families, the way children were taught respect for their elders, the way they all spoke up for each other. I also began to feel the need to speak up forthem, it always appeared they were the ones to be persecuted.

About three years ago I realised that I was spending more and more time thinking about Islam and that without realising it I would steer conversations with friends around to this subject. I also noted that I was very slowly changing my own habits, dressing more discreetly, not drinking, praying (not as a Muslim), something I had not done for a very long time. I then found myself saying this is ridiculous I am not a Muslim I am a Christian and I would go out of my way to convince myself of this. I changed my job and went to work in London for the first time and made sure that I always went out with colleagues to bars and restaurants after work, I bought more showy clothes, I am sorry to say that I neglected my familyduties, I was too tired to do housework and cooking. My husband & sons (my daughter had by now gone to University and set up home on her own) had to fend for themselves. My Muslim friend asked why I was doing this to my family and I told him about my feelings for Islam, I guess he wasn’t all bad as his response was to buy me an English translation of the Qu’ran. I was hooked!

January 2001 I made one last attempt to convince myself that I was not a Muslim, I changed my job again.This time to work for a West End theatre producer, even more partying. But it didn’t work and I quickly realised that I was making myself physically sick. I developed several different illnesses all with symptoms brought about (according to my doctor) by stress. I was taking several types of medication. One day at the beginning of September 2001 I was reading the Qu’ran when without realising what I was doing I said the Shahadah to myself and felt the most wonderful sense of completeness and a serenity I had never felt before. I made the decision there and then that I would find somewhere to really learn how to become a Muslim and to say Shahadah again, but this time in front of witnesses. My only worry was how I would find the courage and words to tell my family of my decision. I had been married for twenty-eight years by now but still didn’t really know what my husband’s beliefs were or how any of my family would react.

Imagine my horror therefore and I am sorry to say the anger I felt when I came back from lunch on 11th September to be confronted with pictures on the Internet of the planes flying into the world trade centre. Over the next few days and weeks I would hear people say that all Muslims were alike and that they should all be thrown out of the country etc, etc. I found myself defending them saying not all Muslims were terrorists any more than all Roman Catholics supported the IRA and were we going to throw out all Irish people. I soon realised however that nowwas not the time to break my news . I decided to keep it to myself. Ramadam came and I remembered that I had just a couple of months earlier imagined I would be fasting. I spent Christmas with my family as I have always done, this year cooking for twenty people. I travelled to Scotland two days before New Year only to spendnew years eve travelling back to England, as I was unwell. We arrived home with fifteen minutes to spare before midnight and I made a resolution that I would give up my job in London and work part time locally so that I would have time to learn Arabic and really make the effort to become a good Muslim.

I decided to write to two local Mosques. I desperately wanted to learn how to pray as a Muslim but knew that I couldn’t just walk into a Mosque. I was terrified I would do something wrong and really offend someone or that they would be really un-welcoming. I got no response from either of my letters. One day however I found a book with a rough outline of a prayer in – I think the book was meant for school children- but anyhow I followed the instructions and prayed. I knew then I had made the right decision. I also knew I had to find the courage to tell my family, but how? It was at this time that I sent two emails which were to be the most important of my life. One was to a site for new converts and one was to an Islamic Centre in a nearby town. To my amazement they were both answered. Within two weeks of this I was to meet two amazing groups of people who welcomed me into their midst. Within a month I had said Shahadah in front of witnesses as I had hoped for.

I was now a Muslim and somehow I had to find a way of telling my family. I now had a son in law and a grandson as well as my own children.A Jewish son in law in fact albeit non-practising. One evening when I was reading the Qu’ran, before I had had a chance to tell my husband he asked when I was going to change my faith. He was very shocked to begin with but we talked and I told him how happy I felt and that I hoped he would try to understand and to find out why I had come to this decision. I think he has coped amazingly well especially as I had felt a need to wear Hijab almost immediately, probably because it has taken me so many years to get this far.

My children seem to have accepted the changes I have made, although like their father they find the wearing of Hijab rather strange but they are persevering and have actually commented on how much happier and relaxed I seem.

My son in law has actually been the one who has so far shown the most interest, asking questions about various aspects, and although he has reservations about explaining to my grandson why I wear a scarf and his own mother doesn’t, he is trying hard to be accepting. Unfortunately it has been my daughter who is most against it. Unfortunately some years ago she had a relationship of her own with a Muslim guy who didn’t treat her very well and I feel this has coloured her judgement.

As for my husband we have now talked and I have found that his own beliefs are not that dissimilar to my own, but he just believes that religion should be private and that in this modern age we should keep our beliefs to ourselves and not go out of our way to make our beliefs obvious to others i.e. wearing Hijab.

Slowly our lives are changing, there are those who say I should move quicker and can’t do this or that any more, but I know my family and if I want them to accept Islam for themselves I know I have to be patient.

Holy Quran 42:23 That is of which Allah gives the good news to His servants, (to) those who believe and do good deeds. Say: I do not ask of you any reward for it but love for my near relatives; and whoever earns good, We give him more of good therein; surely Allah is Forgiving, Grateful.


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