Lesson 13: Family Life in Islam
The family is one of the most important and sacred institutions in Islam. According to Allah (S.W.T.) there is no other structure as dear as that of a family, which is why He tells us that whoever avoids a life of loneliness and puts an effort to acquire a spouse will have secured half of his faith.
The establishment of a family is the best way to protect oneself from sins. It helps to provide an Islamic environment for the people in it and thus, enhances moral values.
In order to ensure that this blessed environment remains strong and firm from the beginning, Allah (S.W.T.) has assigned all members who fall under its umbrella with rights and duties. Every individual has an important role to play in his family. Just as no one can claim to have rights without duties, similarly, each member of a family has both when dealing with his relatives.
The Rights Of Children Upon Their Parents
It is the duty of parents to do the following for their children:
1. To give them good names.
2. To educate and nurture the children spiritually, morally, intellectually and physically. Especially in Qur'anic training and Islamic values.
3. To show them love, compassion, kindness and respect.
4. To allocate them a good place in the home as part of the family. Parents must guide their children towards Good with an attitude of kindness. They should also encourage them in their ambitions and share their feelings and ideas.
The Rights Of Parents Upon Their Children
The duties of children towards their parents are:
1. They should not to do anything that would against their will or order. This applies only as long as the order is not against that of Allah (S.W.T.)
2. Children should show their parents great compassion and utmost respect at all times.
3. When their parents become old, they should serve them happily with a willing heart i.e. not only out of a sense of duty but also with love. Parents raise their children with love when they are helpless babies and thus, it is only fitting that children should reciprocate in the same manner when they are frail and weak in old age.
Family life in Islam is based on principles like sacrifice, kindness, sincerity, and devotion. That is why, although a member is required to fulfill his duties, he is expected to understand if his rights are not upheld to his standards. He should also try and help the other members to fulfill their rights.
The Role of Hejab (Modesty) in the Family
In order to safeguard the sanctity of families and protect the Islamic society, Islam has ordered men, women, boys and girls to live within Hejab in order to avoid moral corruption.
Islam warns daughters, not to cross the limits of the Sheriat in regards to Hejab. They should refrain from socializing with Na-Mahram (men who are strangers). This is so that they may live in self-respect and chastity, away from the dangers of lust and greed. They should also avoid adorning themselves in front of such men as this too would invite advances.
Allah (S.W.T.) says in the Holy Quran:
"Say to the believing men that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts; that is purer for them; surely Allah is aware of what they do." Sura Noor, Verse 30
In another ayat, Allah (S.W.T.) ordered His Prophet saying: "O Prophet! Say to the believing women to lower their gaze..." Sura Noor, Verse 31
According to the laws of Islam, a woman should cover her body, hair and head from strange men. She should refrain from wearing clothes that would attract/seduce men because clothes are regarded not only as a covering for the body, but also as a shield of protection. This kind of modest dressing raises the status and value of women and prevents their being abused or dishonored.
The Ideal Family
When studying family life in Islam, we find a perfect example of what this institution should be like in the form of Imam Ali (a.s.) and Hadhrat Zahra (a.s.). Theirs was a marriage that was founded on faith, respect and honor.
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w.) had allocated each their duties when they were married. Hadhrat Fatema (a.s.) would deal with the indoor work i.e. grinding flour, baking bread, cooking, cleaning and looking after the children, while Imam Ali (a.s) handled all the outdoor work. However, when he came home, if he saw that she was tired and over burdened, he would help her out with the chores. He also took an equal part in looking after the children so that they spent quality time with both their mother and father. This system worked wonderfully and they lived a hard but happy life.
Despite the fact that they had to struggle to make ends meet, their love and faith never wavered and Islam always came first in their priorities. It was this devotion to Allah (S.W.T.) that allowed them to find solace and comfort in even the most trying times.
One day Imam Ali (a.s.) found Hadhrat Fatema (a.s.)'s working at the chores with blistered and bleeding hands. He felt sad that she was suffering so much and yet never uttered a word of complaint to him.
"How I wish I could help you more in your work," he said to his wife. "Forgive me that I cannot assist much. My responsibilities towards my beloved Prophet take up my time so that I cannot do more for you."
He then suggested, "Why not ask your kind father to get you a househelp to share the duties with."
Hadhrat Fatema (a.s.) agreed with this and left for her father's house. When she arrived to there, she found that the Prophet (s.a.w.w.) was in the company of a few of his companions. Seeing this, she felt too shy to present her request and after a little while, she bid him farewell and left.
The next morning, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w.) came to his daughter's house and at the door he stopped and greeted those inside three times, saying "Assalamu Alaikum Yaa Ahlul-Bayt" (Peace be upon you, O People of My house).
Imam Ali (a.s.) immediately replied inviting the Prophet (s.a.w.w.) to come inside. The Prophet (s.a.w.w.) sat and talked with them a little. Then, he turned to his daughter and said, "My dear daughter, yesterday you came to my house and wanted to say something to me but left without sharing what you had in your heart."
He waited for her to reply but seeing that she was to shy to bring up the issue, he asked her "O my beloved Fatema, tell me what it is that you want with your father."
Again Hadhrat Fatema (a.s.) could not state her wish. Instead she looked away and seeing her reluctance, Imam Ali (a.s.) spoke instead, "O Messenger of God, I sent Zahra to you, because the work of the house is too much for her to handle alone. Looking after the children, baking bread, grinding flour, and the innumerable other chores tire her out. Because I am busy traveling on missions, in the battle field or carrying out the other work required outside, I cannot offer her more help and support in fulfilling her enormous tasks. Sometimes, when I am tired, she even has to bring firewood and fetch water."
He told the Prophet (s.a.w.w.), "For this reason, I suggested that she come to you for guidance and assistance in acquiring a house help".
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w.) pondered on this request. He greatly loved his daughter and would have liked nothing better than to relieve her from all the problems she was facing but he knew that the majority of people in Medina lived in similar conditions.
After Hijrat, the Ansaars (the citizens of Medina) shared what they had with the Muhajirin (the Immigrants). Many did not live a comfortable life and could not afford house help. The Messenger of Allah (S.W.T.) knew that as leader of the Ummah, he could not live a more comfortable or luxurious life than other Muslims. Looking at his daughter and son-in-law gently, he asked them, "Would you like me to teach you something that is much better than a house help?" "Of course, O Messenger of God," they both replied.
Pleased with their answer, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w.) told them, "When you prepare for bed, say Subhaan Allah 33 times, Alhamdulilah 33 times, and Allaho Akbar 34 times. Repeat this often and it will provide you with strength, patience and firmness. No doubt, repeating this Dhikr is far better than a house help. He then glanced at his daughter and asked her, "Are you happy with your father?"
Hadhrat Fatema (a.s.) smiled and nodded saying, "Whatever Allah (S.W.T.) and his Messenger wills, I gladly accept too." Ref: Bihaarul-Anwaar Vol 43 page 82
A Holy Verse
Regarding parents, Allah (S.W.T.) has said in the Qur'an "And We have enjoined on man doing of good to his parents." Sura Ahqaf, Verse 15
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT…
1. The family is the most sacred and loved social structure in Islam and Allah (S.W.T.) has identified duties and rights for every member so that it be strong may face all problems that come its way with unity.
2. The duties of parents to their children are to give them a good name, show them love and consistently persevere in raising their children up with the highest standard of morals.
3. The duties of children to their parents are to do good to them, respect them, follow their order - as long as it is not against Allah (S.W.T.). During their old age, when they turn weak and frail, it is obligatory upon the children to take care and nurse them with patience, gentleness and love.
Think and Answer
1. What is the most beloved social structure in Islam?
2. Mention the rights of children upon their parents.
3. Mention the duties of children upon their parents.
4. What do you think is the philosophy behind Hejab and chastity? What are the effects of maintaining Hejaab?
5. What was the Dhikr the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w.) gave to Imam Ali (a.s.) and Hadhrat Fatema Zahra (a.s.)?