From Marriage to Parenthood: The Heavenly Path

From Marriage to Parenthood: The Heavenly Path22%

From Marriage to Parenthood: The Heavenly Path Author:
Publisher: www.alhassanain.org/english
Category: Family and Child

From Marriage to Parenthood: The Heavenly Path
  • Start
  • Previous
  • 15 /
  • Next
  • End
  •  
  • Download HTML
  • Download Word
  • Download PDF
  • visits: 17181 / Download: 5679
Size Size Size
From Marriage to Parenthood: The Heavenly Path

From Marriage to Parenthood: The Heavenly Path

Author:
Publisher: www.alhassanain.org/english
English

This book is corrected and edited by Al-Hassanain (p) Institue for Islamic Heritage and Thought

Chapter 2: Sexual Etiquette

Sexual Etiqutte in Islam

Sexual intercourse and the sexual relationship with a legal spouse are governed by nature, and at the same time is a sunnah of the Prophets and the Ahlul Bayt (as). It has even been referred to as the most pleasurable thing in life. A group of companions and Shī°as of Imām as-Ŝādiq (as) narrate that the Imām asked us: “What is the most pleasurable thing?” We said: “There are many pleasurable things.” Imām said: “The most pleasurable thing is making love with (your) spouses.”1

It is also narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Whether in this world or in the hereafter, one has not, and will not, perceived a pleasure more pleasurable than sexual relations with women, and certainly this is the commentary of the words of Allāh (SwT) in the Qur`an, in Surat Āli-’ Imrān, verse 14 where He states: “To mankind has been made to seem decorous the love of (worldly) desires, including women and children.” He then said: “Indeed, the people of heaven do not take delight in the pleasures of heaven more than Nikah2 ; neither food nor drink has that much pleasure for them.”3

As with every other aspect of our lives, Islam provides us with all the necessary information for the sexual lives of man and woman. The reason for this is simple; Islam recognizes the innate nature of man, and has ordained sexual relations for pleasure, and not just procreation. Sexual desires cannot, and should not be repressed, but rather regulated for one’s well-being in this world and the hereafter. If these rules are paid attention to and carried out with the intention of the pleasure and closeness of Allāh (SwT) and staying away from the evil of Satan, it is counted among the greatest of virtues.

Importance of Sexual Relations

There are many traditions relaying the importance of sexual relations. It has the station of worship and ŝadaqah, and has been called the sunnah of the Prophet (S).

Imām as-Ŝādiq (as) narrates that the Prophet (S) addressed one of his companions on the day of Friday and asked: “Are you fasting today?” (The companion) replied, “No.” The Prophet (S) asked: “Have you given anything as ŝadaqah today?” (The companion) replied, “No.” The Prophet (S) told him: “Go to your wife and that is your very ŝadaqah to her.”4

In another tradition, Imām as-Ŝādiq (as) narrates that the Prophet (S) said to someone: “Are you fasting today?” He said, “No.” The Prophet (S) asked: “Have you gone to visit a sick person?” He replied, “No.” The Prophet (S) asked: “Have you been to escort a deceased person?” He replied, “No.” The Prophet (S) asked: “Have you given food to a poor person?” Again he gave a negative response. The Prophet (S) told him: “Go to your wife and going to your wife is ŝadaqah (Go to you to her so that you get all the reward for all these acts).”5

Muĥammad bin Khalad narrates from Imām al-Riďā (as): “Three things are from the sunnah of the noble Prophets and the messengers of Allāh, and these are application of perfume, cutting of the hair and engaging in a lot of conjugal relations.”6

Staying away from sexual relations with one’s wife is a result of Satan’s whisperings, and has many negative consequences such as arguments and rancour between husband and wife.

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): Three ladies went to the Prophet (S) to complain. One of them said: “My husband does not eat meat.” The other said: “My husband does not smell perfurme and does not use perfume,” and the third lady said: “My husband does not come near the ladies (i.e. does not engage in sexual relations).” The Prophet (S) with unhappiness, in the manner that his blessed Aba (cloak) was dragging on the floor, left and went to the mosque and on to the minbar.

He praised Allāh (SwT) and then said: “What has happened, that a group from my followers don’t eat meat, or don’t apply perfume, or don’t go to their wives? Whilst I eat meat, I apply perfume and also go to my wife. This is my sunnah, and any person that turns away from this sunnah is not from me.”7

Imām as-Ŝādiq (as) has also narrated: The wife of °Uthmān bin Ma°dhūn came to the Prophet (S) and said: “Oh messenger of Allāh (SwT), every day °Uthmān fasts and in the evenings engages in Ŝalāt.” The Prophet (S) picked his sandals and angrily went to °Uthmān (such that he did not wait to put his sandals on) and saw him in the state of Ŝalāt. Because °Uthmān saw the Prophet (S) he abandoned his prayer. The Prophet (S) addressed him and said: “Allāh (SwT) has not sent me to be a recluse, I swear by Allāh (SwT) that has instigated me to this pure, orthodox and easy religion, I fast, I pray and I go to my wife, and any one that likes my custom, must be bound by my sunnah and custom, and Nikah8 is from my sunnah.”9

Importance of Satisfying your Wife

Satisfying one’s wife is an important issue in Islam, as demonstrated by the traditions below; indeed, lack of satisfaction over a long period of time can lead to frigidity and dislike towards the husband.

It is narrated from Imām °Alī (as): “When any of you wants to sleep with his wife, he must not rush her for indeed women have needs (too).”10

It is important for the husband to be aware that a woman’s sexual desire takes longer to express itself, but once it is elicited, is very strong, whereas a man is quickly aroused and also can quickly be satisfied.

Lastly, it is interesting to note that the importance placed by Islam on the satisfaction of both man and woman, is a clear indicator of the justice and fairness of Allāh (SwT). Indeed, it is repeatedly stated in the Noble Qur`an that man and woman were created from a single soul11 , and this is just one example of this.

Recommended Acts

There are no specific rules for sexual intercourse; whatever is mutually pleasing is right, and likewise, whatever is mutually displeasing should be avoided; the only exception to this rule is what the Sharī°ah clearly forbids. However, there are several recommended acts that, if followed, will inevitably lead to a more pleasurable experience.

Before Intercourse

1. Brush your teeth and chew pleasant-smelling things in order to remove any smells in the mouth. Likewise, try not to eat unpleasant smelling foods prior to intercourse either, such as onions and garlic.

2. Ensure you smell pleasant - the freshest smell is the one after a shower or a quick wash, and the worst smell is that of sweat! Women in particular are sensitive to smell.

Use of perfumes, oils and the like are recommended, although it is important to note that it is better to use natural substances that have been recommended in Islam as they lack chemical ingredients that may cause damage to the body.

In particular, kohl has been recommended for women. It is narrated from Imām al-Bāqir (as): “To put collyrium (kohl) round the eyes gives the mouth a good smell, and makes the eye lashes strong and increases the power of sexual intercourse.”12

It is also narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “To put collyrium (kohl) in the evenings is beneficial to the eyes and during the day it is Sunnah.”13

NOTE: Althought the traditions recommend the usage of kohl, they do not condone its usage in places where it can be seen by men and can be a source of attraction.

Foreplay

Importance of Foreplay

As highlighted earlier, satisfying one’s wife is very important and engaging in sexual intercourse quickly and hastily is not the correct way. There is an average difference of eight minutes between the time a man and a woman reach climax; a man usually takes two minutes to reach climax and a woman takes ten minutes to reach climax. Therefore, in order to fully satisfy his wife, a man should caress her and engage in foreplay so that both partners reach climax at the same time.

Islam greatly stresses the importance of foreplay, as indicated by the traditions below.

It is narrated from the Prophet (S): “Do not engage in sexual intercourse with your wife like hens; rather, firstly engage in foreplay with your wife and flirt with her and then make love to her.”14

It is also narrated from the Prophet (S): “All play and games are futile except for three: Horse riding, archery and foreplay with your wife, and these three are correct.”15

It is narrated from Imām °Alī (as): “Whoever wants to get close to his wife must not be hasty, because women before engaging in the act of love making must be engaged in foreplay so that they are ready for making love to.”16

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “The Angels of Allāh and those who are witnesses over all the actions of man are watching them in every state except at the time of horse riding competitions and the time that a man engages in foreplay with his wife before engaging in sexual intercourse.”17

Method of Foreplay

There are very few restrictions to the methods used in foreplay; kissing, cuddling, etc. are all allowed. Below are some tradition pertaining to specific methods:

a. Caressing the breasts

It is narrated from Imām al-Riďā (as): “Do not engage in sexual intercourse unless you engage in foreplay, and play with her a lot and caress her breasts, and if you do this she will be overcome by passion (and excited to the full pitch) and her water will collect. This is so that the emission of the watery juices shoots off from the breasts and passion becomes evident from her face and her eyes and that she desires you in the same way you desire her.”18

b. Oral sex

Imām al-Kādhim (as) was asked: “Is there a problem if a person kisses the private part of his wife?” The Imām responded: “There is no problem.”19

NOTE: Though masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation of one’s own sexual organ until emission of semen or orgasm) is not allowed, in the case of married persons there is no problem if the wife stimulates her husband’s penis until the emission of semen, or the husband stimulates his wife’s vagina until orgasm. This is allowed because it does not come under “self-stimulation”; it is stimulation by a lawful partner.

c. Other

It was asked of Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “If someone undresses his wife (and makes her naked) and looks at her, is there a problem?” He replied: “There is no problem, is there any better pleasure than this that exists?” Again a question was asked: “Is there any problem if a husband plays with the private part of his wife?” The Imām replied: “There is no problem, provided that he doesn’t use anything other than his own body parts (i.e. nothing external).” Again it was asked: “Is there a problem performing sexual intercourse in water?” Imām replied: “There is no problem.”20

NOTE: The above tradition highlights the restriction of use of foreign objects

After Intercourse

1. It is mustaĥab that Ghusl al-Janābat should be performed soon after sexual intercourse, and the sooner it is performed the better. Also, if one would like to have sexual intercourse more than once in one night, it is better that after every time, they perform Ghusl. However, if this is not feasible, it is recommended that one should do Wuďū before every act.21

2. Immediately after completing the act of intercourse, the husband should perform the Ghusl and at that very moment consume a portion of bee wax (reputed to heal all sorts of wounds especially fractures) mixed with honey and water or mixed with pure honey, as this will replace and compensate for the lost fluids.22

3. If a man’s virility strength quickly ceases after intercourse, he should keep himself warm and sleep.23

4. The husband and wife should both use separate towels to clean themselves. It is narrated from the Prophet (S)  that if only one towel is used, this leads to enmity and separation between the two.24

Acts not Recommended

Makrūh [Discouraged] acts

1. Anal intercourse

25

Anal intercourse is permissible with the consent of the wife; however, it is a strongly disliked act.

Zaid ibne Shabith narrates that a person asked Imām °Alī (as): “Can you get close to a woman from her behind?” Imām °Alī (as) replied: “Be down with you! Allāh lowers you by this means (of entering a lady). Have you not heard the words of your Lord that is narrated from Lut who said to his community: “What! Do you commit an outrage none in the world ever committed before you?’”26 and27

There are some who justify this act with the following verse of the Qur`an:

“Your women are a tillage for you, so come to your tillage whenever you like.”28

However, Imām as-Ŝādiq (as), in his tafsir of the above verse of the Noble Qur`an narrates that: “The intention of this verse is that sexual intercourse should be performed from the front, for the reason that the wife in this verse has been compared to tillage (a cultivated land) that gives produce (from the top of the land), which is (just like) the front of the wife because this is from where (children) come into existence and into this world.”29

Abū Baŝīr narrates that he asked Imām (as) what the ruling is of someone who gets close to his wife from the back. The Imām considered this act unacceptable and said: “Stay away from the back of the wife and the meaning of the Noble verse of Surat al-Baqarah (above) is not that you can enter the wife from wherever you want, but rather (it is that you should) perform sexual intercourse, and therefore the meaning of the verse is that get close to your wife at whatever time that you want to.”30

2. Having Qur`an or the Dhikr of Allāh (SwT) on you

It is narrated from °Alī, the son of Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): I asked my brother Imām Kādhim (as): “Can a man have sexual intercourse and go to the bathroom when he has with him a ring on his hand with the dhikr of Allāh (SwT) or a verse of the Qur`an written on it?” Imām replied: “No (it is Makrūh).”31

3. Making love standing

It is narrated from the Prophet (S): “The husband and wife must not engage in intercourse like two donkeys clinging together, because if it is like this then the Angels of mercy will go far from them and the mercy of Allāh will be taken away from them.”32

4. Making love bare (without a covering)

It is narrated that Muĥammad bin al-Ais asked Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Is it permissible to go near my wife naked (i.e. make love naked)?” Imām replied: “No, don’t do such a thing…”33

5. Engaging in sexual intercourse under the sky

It is narrated from the Prophet (S): “Allāh dislikes 24 qualities for you, Oh men, and has prohibited you from them; one of these qualities is sexual intercourse under the sky.”34

6. Engaging in sexual intercourse when others are present (and can hear and/or see) in the house

It is narrated from Imām al-Bāqir (as): “It is Makrūh that a man engages in sexual intercourse with his wife if, as well as them, there is someone else in the house.”35

It is narrated from the Prophet (S): “Obtain three qualities from crows: sexual intercourse secretly, going after sustenance at the beginning of the morning and intelligence and alertness against probable dangers.”36

7. Engaging in sexual intercourse in the presence of a child

It is narrated from Imām °Alī (as): “The Prophet (S) has prohibited that a man goes near his wife (for intercourse) and a child in the crib can see them.”37

It is narrated from Imām al-Bāqir (as): “Stay away from sexual intercourse in a place where there may be a child who is able to see.”38

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Stay away from going to bed (for sexual intercourse) with your wife when a child can see you, as the Prophet strongly knew this act as Makrūh and very indecent.”39

8. Engaging in sexual intercourse on a boat, on the beach40 or on the road

It is narrated in traditions that sexual intercourse on a boat or on the road results in the curses of Allāh (SwT) and the angels being upon you.41

It is narrated in another tradition from Sakūnī that Imām °Alī (as) passed two animals who were engaged in intercourse at a place of traffic (passage). Imām turned away from them. It was asked: “Oh Amir al-Mu’minin, why did you turn away?” The Imām (as) replied: “It is not right that you come close to each other in the path of people like these animal; such an act is prohibited and it must take place where neither man nor woman can see.”42

9. Facing, or having one’s back to, the Qiblah

The Prophet (S) has prohibited sexual intercourse while facing Qiblah, or having one’s back to Qiblah, and has said that if such an act is done, it results in the curses of Allāh (SwT), the angels and all of humanity being on you.43

NOTE: If when you sit up from a lying position, your face is towards Qiblah, this is known as facing the Qiblah, and vice versa.

10. Refusing to have sexual intercourse (for various reasons)

It is narrated from Imām al-Bāqir (as): The Prophet (S) said to women: “Do not prolong your Ŝalāt such that it becomes an excusefor not going to bed (for sexual intercourse) with your husbands.”44

Recommended Times

Obligatory times

1. When there is fear of ĥarām [forbidden]

If one has a fear that he might succumb to his sexual desires and the whisperings of Satan and indulge in ĥarām acts, it is obligatory that they protect themselves from this.45 If one is single, they must get married and thus stay away from any potentially forbidden acts.

It is narrated from Ayatullāh Khomeini (ra): “It is obligatory that one who, because of not having a wife will fall into ĥarām, get married.”46

2. Once every four months47

One must have sexual intercourse with his youthful wife at least once in 4 months. This is one of the conjugal rights of the wife and the obligation stays in force unless it either is harmful to him, involves unusually more effort, the wife waives her right or such a prior stipulation was made at the time of nikah by the husband. It makes no difference whether the husband is away on a journey or present.

Safwān bin Yahyā asked Imām al-Riďā (as): “A man has a young wife and hasn’t come close to her for months, even a year. It is not because he wants to trouble her (by staying away), but rather a calamity has befallen them. Is this counted as a sin?” Imām replied: “If he leaves her for four months, it is counted as a sin.”48

Mustaĥab (Recommended) times

Sexual intercourse, if engaged in a permissible manner, is always mustaĥab. However, there are certain times when it is more recommended:

1. When a women desires it from her husband.49

2. When one is attracted to another woman.

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Any person that sees a woman and is attracted to her must go to his wife and engage in sexual intercourse with her, because that which the other woman has, the wife also has, and one must not give Satan a way into one’s heart. And if one does not have a wife, he must pray a two Rak°at Ŝalāt, praise Allāh a lot, recite Ŝalawāt on the Prophet and his Ahlul Bayt, and request Allāh to grant him a believing and religious wife and that He makes him needless from the forbidden.”50

Times not Recommended

Harām (Forbidden) times

1. During menstruation (ĥaydh)51 :

Allāh (SwT) states in Surat Baqarah, Verse 222:

      وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْمَحِيضِ قُلْ هُوَ أَذىً فَاعْتَزِلُوا النِّسَآءَ فِي الْمَحِيضِ وَلاَ تَقْرَبُوهُنَّ حَتَّى يَطْهُرْنَ

“They ask you concerning (intercourse during) menses. Say, “It is hurtful.” So keep away from wives during the menses, and do not approach them till they are clean.”

If a person who is engaged in sexual intercourse with his wife discovers that her period has begun, then he should immediately withdraw from her.

During the period of ĥaydh, other acts besides sexual intercourse can be performed, as indicated by tradition below:

Mu°āwiyah bin °Umar narrates that he asked Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “What is permissible for a man when a woman is in the state of ĥaydh?” The Imām replied: “Other than the private parts (i.e. the rest of the body except for her private parts).”52

Imrān bin Qanzalī narrates that he asked Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “How can a man benefit from a lady that is in the state of ĥaydh?” The Imām replied:”The two thighs (of the lady).”53

However, although the rest of the body of the woman (apart from the private parts) are permitted for the husband, the area from the navel to the knees is Makrūh (not recommended)54 ; therefore, it is more advisable that the husband avoid these parts as well.

It is important to note that it is not recommended to engage in sexual intercourse after the end of ĥaydh and before the Ghusl of ĥaydh. However, if it is necessary, a woman should wash herself first.55 Allāh (SwT) mentions this in the continuation of the above verse:

      فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ اللٌّهُ

“And when they become clean, go into them as Allāh has commanded you.”

2. During Nifās.56

3. During fasting in the month of Ramaďān.57

4. During the state of Iĥrām and before reciting Ŝalāt of Ťawaf al-Nisā.58

5. When it may cause serious harm to either husband or wife. Sexual intercourse is permissible if it does not cause serious harm.59

Makrūh (Undesirable) times

1. In the state of Iĥtilām

It is narrated from the Prophet (S): “It is Makrūh that a man who has become muĥtalim (i.e. become in the state of janābat during his sleep), goes to his wife (to perform intercourse) in this state, unless he does Ghusl for his iĥtilām.”60

2. When travelling and there is a possibility of lack of water

It is narrated from Ishāq bin °Ammār: I asked Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “A man is accompanied by his wife whilst travelling, but he has not obtained any water to perform Ghusl. Can he go to bed with his wife?” Imām replied: “I don’t like it if he does that and it is Makrūh, unless he is scared that if he doesn’t get close to what his permissible for him, he will fall into the forbidden.”61

It is narrated from Imām al-Kādhim (as): “I don’t like it when a person travelling who doesn’t have water engages in sexual intercourse, unless he has fear of harm.”62

(In such cases, as per the fiqh rules, one is able to do tayammum instead of Ghusl in order to pray)

3. The night of a lunar eclipse and day of a solar eclipse

One evening the Prophet (S) was next to one of his wives and on that evening an eclipse occurred, and nothing occurred between them. The wife of the Prophet (S) said: “Were you unhappy with me the whole evening?” The Prophet (S) replied: “What are you saying, this evening was the eve of a lunar eclipse and I know it to be Makrūh that I should get pleasure on this evening, because Allāh (SwT) reproaches a group that become heedless and inattentive to His proofs and signs, and He has described them in the following way: “Were they to see a fragment falling from the sky, they would say, “A cumulous cloud.”“63 and64

4. Between the Subĥ as-Ŝādiq (Adhān of Salāt al-Fajr) and sunrise and between sunset until the redness of the sky has gone.

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Becoming junub during redness of the sun rising and the redness of the sunset is Makrūh.”65

5. At the time of an earthquake (and other events necessitating Ŝalāt al-Ayāt)

It is narrated from Imām al-Bāqir (as): “One who doesn’t leave play and pleasure at the time when the signs of Allāh (SwT) are apparent is from those people who have taken the signs of Allāh (SwT) to be a mockery.”66

Healthy Body

A healthy body allows for a healthy sex life. Several acts have been recommended in Islam and if these instructions are acted upon, they will result in a healthy and fresh body.

Recommended acts67

1. Travelling.

2. Fasting.

3. Eating 21 red raisins on an empty stomach.

4. Drinking rain water68 .

5. Praying Ŝalāt al-Layl.

6. Washing the hands before and after eating.

7. Discharging at the time of needing the toilet.

8. Washing the feet with cold water after having a bath.

9. Protecting the body from the cold in the autumn season but not protecting it from the cold in the spring season (i.e. wearing heavy clothing in autumn and light clothing in spring).

10. Getting a suitable amount of rest.

11. Eating aniseed and dates.

12. Chewing your food well.

13. Eating food only when hungry and refraining from eating when you are full.

14. Eating a moderate amount and therefore, drinking a moderate amount.

Use of massage oils69

In particular, massaging oil is very beneficial for a healthy body as well as sexual desire, so much so that the Imāms (as) have narrated traditions on this:

It is narrated from Imām °Alī (as): “To anoint the body with massage oil softens the skin, improves the mood, makes the flowing of water and fluids in the body easy, eliminates roughness, ruggedness, bad health and tightness of earning and brings light to the face.”70

It is narrated from Imām al-Bāqir (as): “To anoint the body with massage oil in the evening is the cause of circulation in the blood vessels and (this) revitalises the skin complexion and enlightens the face.”

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “At least, once a month, or once or twice a week, apply oil to your body. However, if ladies are able to, they must try and apply oil to their body every day.”

The following oils have been recommended

1. Violet Oil

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Violet oil is oil of goodness: massage it on your body so that it eliminates head and eye aches.”

A man fell on the ground from his camel, and when water started coming out from his nose, Imām as-Ŝādiq (as)  said to him: “Pour violet oil on it.” When the man did this, he was cured and became well. After that the Imām related: “Violet oil in winter is warm and in the summer it is cool71 …if the people understood the benefits of this oil, they would drink a lot of it; this oil gets rid of pains and heals the nose.”

2. Willow (Catkin) Oil

A man came to Imām as-Ŝādiq (as) and complained about cracked hands and legs. Imām told him: “Get some cotton, soak it with willow oil and put it on the centre (of the crack), or put the oil straight onto the centre (of the crack).” When the person performed this act, the pain disappeared.

3. Lily Oil

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Lily oil has cures for70 aches, and it is better if it is white lily, which is also known as Arabian Jasmine.”

4. Olive Oil

If olive oil is mixed with honey and drunk instead of water for three days, it increases the sexual strength. If olive oil is rubbed in hair, it prevents it from falling or going white.

It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Eating olive oil increases the sperm and sexual capability.”72

It is narrated from the Prophet (S): “Definitely eat olive oil because this medicine cures bile, does away with phlegm, strengthens nerves, heals pains, makes the akhlāq good, makes the mouth good-smelling and takes away a person’s grief.”73

It is also narrated from the Prophet (S): “Eat olive oil and rub it on the body, as it is from a blessed tree.”74

It is also narrated from the Prophet (S): “Any person who drinks olive oil and massages it on the body, Satan will not come near him for 40 mornings.”

5. Others

A man and a woman who would like to increase their level of sexual activity, but do not know what they must do, and likewise people that would like to derive more sexual pleasure, should use massage oils like Arabian Jasmin oil, coconut oil, violet oil and olive oil.75

Things that causes harm to the body with respect to sexual intercourse

1. Sexual intercourse at the beginning of the night, whether in summer or winter, causes harm to the body because the stomach and blood vessels are usually full at this time. Intercourse can lead to colic, paralysis (of the face), gout, stones and distillation of urine, hernia and weakness of eyes.76

Therefore, engaging in sexual intercourse at the end of the evening is more recommended for the maintenance of a healthy body, as it is more likely that one will not have a full stomach.

2. Likewise, sexual intercourse at any time with a full stomach is harmful. It is narrated from Imām as-Ŝādiq (as): “Three things damage the body of a person and these include: going to have a bath with a full stomach, engaging in sexual intercourse with your spouse with a full stomach, and engaging in intercourse with old women, decrepit and advanced in age.”77

3. Repetitive prevention of ejaculation can also lead to difficulties for men, as well as for women.78

Strengthening and Weakening Sexual Desire

Things that increase sexual desire79

1. Carrots

2. Onions

3. Meat

4. Eggs

5. Melon

6. Fresh pomegranate

7. Fresh milk

8. Sweet grapes

9. Wheat oil

10. Extract of the centre of a date.

11. Wearing of yellow shoes.

12. Applying massage oil to the body.

13. Applying collyrium (kohl) to the eyes.

Things that renew and charge sexual desire80

1. Honey

2. Walnuts

3. Dates

4. Bananas

Things that reduce sexual desire81

1. Taking a bath with cold water.

2. Not eating dinner.

It is narrated from Imām al-Kādhim (as): “If people are modest when eating their food (i.e. don’t over-eat or under-eat), their bodies will always stay healthy; and never leave out dinner even if it means eating torn bits of dry bread because it is a cause of strength of the body and strength of sexual intercourse.”82

Notes

1. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 23, no. 24927

2. Nikah literally means sexual intercourse.

3. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 23, no. 24929

4. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 109, no. 25163

5. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 109, no. 25163

6. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 241, no. 25537

7. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 107, no. 25158

8. Nikah literally means sexual intercourse.

9. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 106, no. 25157

10. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 118, no. 25184

11. Sūrat al-Nisā, Verse 1; Sūrat al-Zumar, Verse 5, Sūrat Luqmān, Verse 28; Sūrat Naĥl, Verse 72

12. °alliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 91

13. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 38

14. °alliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 110

15. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 118, no. 25186

16. °alliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 115

17. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 188, no. 25185

18. Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 2, pg. 545

19. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 55

20. °alliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 111

21. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 52

22. Tib wa Behdāsht, pg. 300

23. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 24

24. °alliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 112

25. Confirmed with the office of Ayatullāh Sīstānī, Qom.

26. Sūrat al-A~rāf, Verse 80

27. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 144, no. 25258

28. Sūrat al-Baqarah, Verse 223

29. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 134, no. 25253

30. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 147, no. 25266

31. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 148, no. 25271

32. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 120, no. 25190

33. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 137, no. 25238; pg. 138, no. 25239

34. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 61

35. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 12, pg. 380, no. 16565

36. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 133, no. 25227

37. Ibid., vol. 12, pg. 382, no. 16568

38. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 134, no. 25229

39. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 132, no. 25222

40. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 137, no. 25238; pg. 138, no. 25239

41. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 138, no. 25240

42. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 133, no. 25226

43. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 138, no. 25240

44. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 164, no. 25317

45. Confirmed with the office of Ayatullāh Sīstānī, Qom

46. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 71

47. Islamic Laws, Rule 2427

48. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 21, pg. 458, no. 27573

49. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 71

50. Ibid., pg. 48-49

51. Islamic Laws, Rule 456

52. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 2, pg. 321, no. 2249

53. Ibid., vol. 2, pg. 322, no. 2254

54. °alliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 109

55. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 72

56. Islamic Laws, Rule 520

57. Islamic Laws, Rule 1593

58. °ajj Manāsek, Rule 219

59. Confirmed with the office of Ayatullāh Sīstānī, Qom

60. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 257, no. 25570

61. Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 109, no. 25164

62. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 54

63. Sūrat at-±ūr, Verse 44

64. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 126, no. 25207

65. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 59

66. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 12, pg. 177, no. 16008

67. Mostly derived from, Gonjhāye Ma~navī, pg. 318

68. This is only recommended in areas where one is sure the rain water is not polluted.

69. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 24-25

70. °alliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 172

71. This refers to the effect of violet oil on one’s constitution/internal heat.

72. al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 332

73. Makārim al-Akhlāq, pg. 190

74. Biĥār al-Anwār, vol. 66, pg. 182, no. 14

75. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 22

76. Tib wa Behdāsht, pg. 292

77. Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 14, pg. 231, no. 16578

78. Izdawāj Maktab Insān Sāzi, vol. 3, pg. 51

79. Gonjhāye Ma~navī, pg. 318

80. Tib wa Behdāsht, pg. 300

81. Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 28

82. Ibid., pg. 43

Chapter 1:The Wedding Night

Wedding Night A°māl

It is narrated from the Prophet (S): “The doors of Heaven to mercy will be opened in four situations: when it rains; when a child looks kindly at his parent’s face; when the door of the Ka°bah is opened; and when marriage (occurs).”1

As indicated by the above tradition, the concept of marriage in Islam is so sacred and valued, that the doors of Allāh (SwT)’s mercy are open on this occasion.

Indeed, this is not surprising when one considers that marriage secures a large portion of one’s faith and protects it from the evil of Satan, as narrated from the Prophet (S): “There is not a single young person that gets married during his youth, except that his Satan cries out that ‘Woe onto him, woe onto him, he has protected two thirds of his faith from me’; therefore, mankind must have taqwā (God-Conciousness) in Allāh (SwT) to protect the remaining one third of his faith.”2

It is therefore essential that a couple, when embarking on this step, take utmost care to protect the sanctity of this sacred union and do not taint it from the start by allowing the occasion of marriage to become a source of sin and extravagance.

In particular, the wedding night is the first night that a man and woman come together as husband and wife, and it is highly recommended that they form this union with the intention of obtaining the nearness and pleasure of Allāh (SwT) and perform the recommended amaal for this night.

At this point it is necessary to take a look at what state the ‘mistress of the women of the worlds’, Haďrat Fāťima (sa) had on the night of her wedding, and how she started her life with her husband, Imām °Alī (as) the wedding night, Imām °Alī (as) Haďrat Fāťima (sa) upset and in tears, and asked her why she was in this state.

She replied: “I thought about my state and actions and remembered the end of life and my grave; that today I have gone from my father’s house to your house, and another day I will go from here to the grave and the Day of Judgement (Qiyāmat). Therefore, I swear by you to Allāh (SwT); come let us stand for Ŝalāt so that we can worship Allāh (SwT) together in this night.”3

The following A°māl are recommended for this night4 :

1. Try to be in Wuďū for as much of the night as possible, and especially during the amaals below.

2. Begin by praising Allāh (SwT), then say Allāhu Akbar (أللهُ أكَبر ), followed by a Ŝalawāt (أللهم صلى على محمّد و آل محمّد ).

3. Recite a two Rak°at Ŝalāt, with the intention of ‘Mustaĥab Qurbatan IlAllāh (SwT)’ [a recommended prayer, seeking the pleasure of Allāh (SwT)], followed by a Ŝalawāt.

4. Recite the following Du°ā, followed by a Ŝalawāt. First the groom should recite it, after which the bride should say: Ilāhī Amīn [May Allāh (SwT) accept this].

    أَللٌّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِي إِلْفَهَا وَ وُدَّهَا وَ رِضَاهَا وَ رَضِّـنِي بِهَا ثُمَّ اجْمَعْ بَيْنَـنَا بِأَحْسَنِ اجْتِمَاعٍ وَ أَسَرِّ ائْتِلاَفٍ فَإِنَّكَ تُحِبُّ

    الْحَلاَلَ وَ تَكْرَهُ الْحَرَام .

“O Allāh (SwT)! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.”5

5. Even if a couple are not intending to conceive on the wedding night, it is recommended that the following Du°ās are recited for righteous children (whenever they are conceived):

a. The groom should then place his right palm on the bride’s forehead facing Qibla and recite:

    أَللٌّهُمَّ بِأَمَانَتِكَ أَخَذْتُهَا وَ بِكَلِمَاتِكَ اسْتَحْلَلْـتُهَا فَإِنْ قَضَيْتَ لِي مِنْهَا وَلَداً فَاجْعَلْهُ مُبَارَكاً تَقِيًّا مِنْ شِيعَةِ آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ وَ لاَ تَجْعَلْ لِلشَّيْطَانِ فِيهِ شِرْكاً وَ لاَ نَصِيباً .

“O Allāh! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if you have decreed for me a child from hver, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the family of Muĥammad; and do not let the Satan have any part in him/her.”6

b. The following Du°ā should also be recited:

    أَللٌّهُمَّ بِكَلِمَاتِكَ اسْتَحْلَلْتُهَا وَ بِأَمَانَتِكَ أَخَذْتُهَا. أَللٌّهُمَّ اجْعَلْهَا وَلُوداً وَدُوداً لاَ تَفْرَكُ تَأْكُلُ مِمَّا رَاحَ وَ لاَ تَسْأَلُ عَمَّا سَرَحَ .

“O Allāh! I have made her lawful for myself with Your words, and I have taken her in Your trust. O Allāh! Make her fertile and devoted.”7

6. The groom should wash the bride’s feet and sprinkle that water in all the four corners of the room and house. Allāh (SwT) will remove 70,000 types of poverty, 70,000 types of blessings will enter the house and 70,000 blessings will come upon the bride and groom. The bride will be safe from insanity, ulcers and leprosy.8

Some Points about the °Aqd & Wedding

9

1. One should refrain from having the °Aqd or wedding during Qamar Dar Akrab - when the moon is passing through the phase of Scorpio.

2. One should refrain from having the °Aqd or wedding outdoors, under the sunlight.

3. It is recommended that the °Aqd and wedding take place at night.

NOTE: It is important to note that the main objective of the wedding is the joining of a man and a woman. More often than not, weddings that take place today are long and extremely tiring for the bride and groom; they reach their room late at night and not fit for the recommended A°māl of this sacred night, nor much else. Therefore, it is recommended that the procedures of this night are kept simple and to a bare minimum. If other ceremonies are desired, they should be held on the preceding or proceeding nights.

Some Points for the Bride and Groom

1. It is not necessary that consummation of the marriage take place on the wedding night; rather it may take a few days or even a few weeks.

2. Fatigue, nervousness and tension may make it harder; therefore it is important that husband and wife take time to get comfortable with each other and move at their own pace.

3. Artificial lubrication may be needed for the first few days or weeks in order to make consummation easier and more enjoyable.10

4. Early or premature ejaculation may be a problem for the first few times; however, this should eventually be resolved after time and experience.

5. The hymen may or may not bleed. Foreplay, gentleness and intercourse again soon after can help reduce the pain of the tearing of the hymen.

6. After consummation (whenever it may be), the bride should not have milk, vinegar, coriander, sour apple or melon for a week, as they cause the womb to dry up and become cold and barren. Eating vinegar at this time also results in the woman not becoming clean (ritually clean) from the blood of menstruation, coriander (and watermelon) results in a difficult labour and sour apple results in the stopping (of regularity) of menstruation, and these all result in illnesses.11

7. People may make certain comments over the next few days. It is important not to let this affect you, and not to get drawn in to their conversations.

8. Don’t talk about your intimate details to outsiders; maintain respect of your spouse and your relationship.

The Wedding of Imām °Alī (as) and Haďrat Fāťima (sa)

The °Aqd (Marriage Contract)

The Prophet (S) desired to have the °Aqd recited in the mosque and in the presence of the people. Imām °Alī (as) joyfully went to the mosque and the Prophet (S) also entered the mosque. The Muhājirīn and Anŝār gathered around them. The Prophet (S) went on the minbar and after praising and thanking Allāh (SwT), said: “Oh people! Know that Jibrā`il descended on me and brought a message from Allāh (SwT) that the ceremony of the °Aqd of °Alī (as) has taken place in the presence of the Angels in ‘Bait al-Ma`mur.’ Allāh (SwT) has commanded that I perform this ceremony on earth and make you all witnesses.” At the point, the Prophet (S) recited the °Aqd.

Then the Prophet (S) said to Imām °Alī (as): “Get up and give a speech.” Imām °Alī (as) got to his feet and after remembering and thanking Allāh (SwT) began his speech and expressed his satisfaction and contentment at his marriage to Haďrat Fāťima (sa).

The people prayed for him and said: “May Allāh (SwT) bless this marriage, and place love and friendship in your hearts.”12

The Wedding

The wedding ceremony took place on the 1st of Dhul Hijjah, 2 AH13 (or 6th of Dhul Hijjah, 2 AH)14 , one month after the °Aqd.

Between the °Aqd and the wedding ceremony, Imām °Alī (as) was shy to speak about his wife to the Prophet (S). One day, his brother °Aqīl asked him: “Why don’t you bring your wife to the house so that we can congratulate you for the occasion of your wedding?” This topic reached the Prophet (S), who called Imām °Alī (as) and asked him: “Are you ready to get married?”

Imām °Alī (as) gave a positive response. The Prophet (S) said: “Insha-Allāh, tonight or tomorrow night, I will make arrangements for the wedding.” At that time, he told his wives to dress Haďrat Fāťima (sa) and to perfume her and to carpet her room so as to prepare for the wedding ceremony.15

The Prophet (S) told Imām °Alī (as): “There cannot be a wedding without guests.” One of the leaders of the Anŝār named Sa°ad said: “I gift you a sheep,” and a group of the Anŝār also brought some16 corn17 , and some dried whey, oil and dates were also bought from the bazār.

The meat was cooked and the Prophet (S) with his purity took the responsibility of cooking for the wedding, and with his blessed hands, mixed them (the ingredients) and began preparing a type of °Arabic dish called Habīs or Hais.18

However, although the food was prepared, the invitation was public. A large number took part and with the blessings of the Prophet’s (S) hands, everyone ate and became full from the food, and there was even some left over for the poor and needy; a dish was also placed for the bride and groom.19

The Prophet (S) told his wives to prepare a celebration for Haďrat Fāťima (sa) After food, the ladies gathered around Haďrat Fāťima (sa) and the Prophet (S) helped her get on his horse. Salmān al-Fārsī took hold of the horse’s reins and with the special ceremony, brave men such as Hamza and a number of the family and maĥārim of Haďrat Fāťima (sa) gathered around the horse with drawn swords. Many women waited behing the bride and recited Takbir.

The horse began moving, and the ladies began reciting Takbir and praises of Allāh (SwT). At that time, one by one, they read beautiful hymns that had been composed, and with splendour and joy, took the bride to the house of the groom. The Prophet (S) also reached the group and entered the bridal chamber.

He requested a dish of water, and when that was brought, he sprinked some on Haďrat Fāťima’s (sa) chest and told her to do Wuďū and wash her mouth with the rest of the water. He sprinkled some water on Imām °Alī (as) as well and told him to do Wuďū and wash his mouth.

The Prophet (S) then took Haďrat Fāťima’s (sa) hand and placed it in the hand of Imām (as) and said: “Oh °Alī! May you be blessed; Allāh (SwT) bestowed on you the daughter of the Prophet (S) of Allāh (SwT), who is the best of women (of the world).” He then addressed Haďrat Fāťima (sa) and said: “Oh Fāťima, °Alī is from the best of husbands.”20

He then recited a Du°ā for them: “Oh Allāh, make them familiar (close) to each other! Oh Allāh, bless them! And place for them blessings in their life.”

As he was about to leave, he said: “Allāh has made you and your offspring pure (ritually clean). I am a friend of your friends, and an enemy of your enemies. I now bid you farewell and deposit you with Allāh.”21

The next morning, the Prophet (S) went to see his daughter. After that visit, he did not go to their house for three days, but went on the fourth day.22

Haďrat Khadīja’s (sa) Wish

On the wedding night of Haďrat Fāťima (sa), Asma bint Omaīs (or Umme Salama) who was among the women, asked permission from the Prophet (S) if she could stay near Fāťima so as to carry out any needs she may have.

She said to the Prophet (S): “When the time of the death of Khadīja came in Makkah, I was next to her and saw that Khadīja was crying. I said to her: “You are the ‘mistress of the women of the worlds’ and the wife of the Prophet (S) and despite this you are crying whereas Allāh (SwT) has given you the good tidings of heaven?” Khadīja (sa) replied: “I am not crying because of death; rather I am crying for Fāťima who is a small girl and women on their wedding night need a woman from their relatives and close ones (maĥram) who will tell them their hidden secrets, and I am afraid that that night, my dear Fāťima will not have anyone.”

Then I told Khadīja (sa) that, “I swear to my God that if I stay alive until that day, on that night I will stay in that house in your place.” Now I would like permission from you that you excuse me so that I can keep my promise.” Upon hearing this, the Prophet (S) started crying and gave me permission to stay and prayed for me.23

The Wedding Suit

On the wedding night of Imām °Alī (as) and Haďrat Fāťima (sa), the Prophet (S) gave her a (wedding) suit to wear on that night. When Haďrat Fāťima (sa) had gone to the wedding house and was sitting on the prayer mat praying to Allāh (SwT), suddenly a needy person came to the door of the house of Haďrat Fāťima (sa) and with a loud voice said: “From the door of the house of Prophethood, I want an old suit.”

At that time, Haďrat Fāťima (sa) had two suits, one old and the other new. She wanted to give the old suit as per the request of the needy man, when suddenly she remembered a verse which states: “You will never attain piety until you spend out of what you hold dear.”24 Haďrat Fāťima (sa), who knew she liked the new suit more, acted on this verse and gave the new suit to the needy man.

The next day, when the Prophet (S) saw the old suit on Haďrat Fāťima (sa), he asked: “Why didn’t you wear the new suit?” Haďrat Fāťima (sa) replied: “I gave it to a needy man.” The Prophet (S) said: “If you had worn the new shirt for your husband, it would have been better and more suitable.” Haďrat Fāťima (sa) replied: “I learnt this manner from you. When my mother Khadija became your wife, she gave all her wealth to the empty-handed in your path, until it reached a point when a needy person came to the door of your house and requested clothes. There were no clothes in the house so you took off your shirt and gave it to him, and this verse was revealed: “Do not keep your hand chained to your neck, nor open it all together, or you will sit blameworthy, regretful.”25

Overwhelmed by the love and sincerity of his daughter Zahrā (sa), tears fell from the Prophet (S)’s (S) eyes, and as a sign of love, he hugged Haďrat Fāťima (sa) to his chest.26

Notes

1. A Bundle of Flowers, pg. 149

2. Muntakhab Mizān al-Hikmah, vol. 1, pg. 457

3. Kitāb al-Irshād, vol. 1, pg. 270

4. °alliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 116-117

5. al-Kāfī, vol. 3, pg. 481

6. Ibid., vol. 5, pg. 500

7. Ibid., vol. 5, pg. 501

8. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 249, no. 25555

9. Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 108-109 (Points 1-3)

10. Pāsukh be Masāil-e Jinsī wa Zanāshuī, pg. 235

11. Wasāil ash-Shī~a, vol. 20, pg. 250, no. 25556

12. Biĥār al-Anwār, vol. 43, pg. 120 and 129

13. Ibid., vol. 43, pg. 92

14. Some have narrated the time between the nikah and wedding to be one year.

15. Biĥār al-Anwār, vol. 43, pg. 130-131

16. About 8 pounds

17. Biĥār al-Anwār, vol. 43, pg. 137

18. Ibid., vol. 43, pg. 106 and 114

19. Manāqib Ibn Shahr Ashūb, vol. 3, pg. 354

20. Izdawāj Maktab Insān Sāzi, vol. 2, pg. 300

21. Manāqib Ibn Shahr Ashūb, vol. 3, pg. 354-355

22. Ibid., vol. 3, pg. 356

23. Sar Guzashthāye Hazrat ~Alī (as) wa Fāťima (sa), pg. 30

24. Sūrat Ali-‘Imrān, Verse 92

25. Sūrat al-Isrā, Verse 29

26. Sar Guzashthāye Hazrat °Alī (as) wa Fāťima (sa), pg. 31


3

4

5

6

7

8

9