Chapter Two: The First Stage: Stages Before Intercourse and During Pregnancy
Islam wants us to have providence with the child and to protect their psychological and physical soundness before their birth.This is by preparing domain for his movement and to arrange the necessary factors which will protect the child from psychological and physical weakness commencing from the selection of the husband or the wife and the circumstances surrounding the early stages of the child, that is the womb of his mother which played a great and effective role on the child's future and life movement.
The features of this stageare pinpointed
as below:-
Firslty: StageBefore
Intercourse
Ithas been socially and scientifically established
in its detailed research the inherited and societal effect in the composition and development of the child. Those inherited reflections may be physically or psychologically.
Most of the attributes are transferred to the children through the father,mother
or their grand fathers like intelligence, unrest conduct, schizo phrenia, mental disorder, personal discipline, flexibility and leniency. This become means that assist in transferring this attributes to the children or the children will possess readiness to adopt them. This is in addition to the customs and the imitation of the children base on repetition of actions.
Fromthis
point of view Islam has emphasized on the selection of spouse, that is selection of the spouses from righteous family and from good environment.
1- SELECTING WIFE
From the teaching of Islam, it has considered selecting wife from two aspects: the heredity she descendfrom and the society where she lives
and its reflection on her ways of life and conduct. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Choose for your semen because the maternal uncle is one of the spouses"
.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Choose for your semen because the vein is a schemer"
.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) does emphasize on selection of wife from the family that possess noble attributes of the hereditary effect it plays in the composition of the wife and that of her progeny. He (peace be upon him and his descendants) chooses Khadijah (peace be upon her) that delivered Fatima (peace be upon her) the best of the women. The Ahlulbait (peacebe
upon them) also followed this conduct by choosing their wives from descent families and making selections base on hereditary.
Islam laid emphasis on selecting wife from sound society and environment where she achieves good and sound conduct. It cautioned from unsound environment she is living. It also cautioned from marrying a beautifulladies
that was brought up from the fountain of evil. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Be aware of dung hill under the greengrass .....
A beauty Women are fountain head of all evils"
.
Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) also cautioned about prostitute and said: "Don't get married with a woman known to be prostitute"
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Because she will creates the preparedness for such a bad action in her children.
Imam Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) warned from getting married with a mad woman fearing of transferring the attributes to the child, he was asked of that, he (peace be upon him) said: "No but if he possess a mad slave girl he can have sexual relation with her and should not seek from her child"
.
Imam Ali (peacebe
upon him) has also warned from getting married with a foolish woman because the attribute will transfer to the child and also did not attain the ability to give a sound training to the child: "Be aware of getting married to a foolish because her companionship is affliction and her children are lost"
.
Tradition has made emphasis that religious person should be the criterion for choosing a spouse and the Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) do encourage that. A man came tothe to
him requesting for marriage, he (Peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Be aware of a religious woman, she will make your hand full"
.
Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) gives precedence to religious before wealth and beauty and said: "If a man marries because of her wealth and beauty, he will deputize to that but if he marries because of her being religious, Allah will provide him with beauty and wealth"
.
The woman that descend from sound family and lineage and was accompanied with religiousness has preceded in stages of education and her training to the children will be in line with the laid down Islamic laws for that respect and the recognized method will be generally accepted by the two spouses without contradiction nor opposition. The wife will be desirous to succeed in training processes and considered it an Islamic obligation before every thing. This obligation will made her shun any negative practices that will have effect on the children's emotional and psychological growth.
2- SELECTING HUSBAND
For the development and preparation of the children spiritually and psychologically the father has a great role to play that is why in the early stage, Islam laid emphasis on the selecting husband for laid down Islamic criterion to observe the hereditary and atmosphere that surround his brought up, his good and noble attributes because he is the model that the children follows; as his attributes and ethics reflected on them.
Inaddition
through the continuous living with the wife (the mother) also acquired some of his ethics and attributes.
The Prophet (Peace be upon him and his descendants) laid emphasis on choosing a competent husband and describe him with his saying (peace be upon him and his descendants) "Competency is to be modest and to has opportunity"
.
Competency is the one that descend from sound lineage, religious and elevated ethics.
Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) has cautioned from getting marriage with a man having psychological sickness andsaid:
"Don't married them but married on doubt lady because women takes from her moral, religion and personality"
.
In choosinghusband
Islam put religiousness as the criterion. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Marry he that comes to you if you are pleased with his ethics and religion"
.
It is clear that Islam prohibited getting Marriage to none Muslim in order to protect the integrity of the children and the family in all aspect like the ideology, conduct,spiritual
and psychology for their effect on the wife and the children through their emulating the husband and his mode of life.
Islam has also forbids getting married to unreligious person and those whose conduct has perverted from Islamic system in order to save guard the family and the children from behavioral and psychological perversion.
Imam Assadiq (peacebe
upon him) has forbid getting marriage with a known fornicator. He (peace be upon him) said: "Don't marry a woman known to be fornicator and don't marry a man known to be fornicator expect you are aware of repentance from them"
.
Imam Assadiq (peacebe
upon him) has also cautioned from getting marriage to an alcohol drinker. He (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever gave marriage of his daughter to an alcohol drinker has cut her kinship"
.
Perverted person negatively affect the soundness of the children's conduct for the reflection of his conduct on them and his unwillingness to train them.
This is in addition to the problem he created on thewife which prevail the spread of unrest and psychological anxiety in the family's atmosphere
and has made the family's life distant from tranquility, calmness and constancy that the children need for their physical and spiritual growth.
Verily the mode of life of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) stoodon the basis of
choosing well qualified person for their sons and daughters. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) did not give Fatima's marriage (peace be upon her) to his great companions when they seek his hand but he gave them answer that he is waiting for Allah's decision. He later gave her marriage to Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) with the commandment of Allah the most High.
The Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) encourages a Muslim woman by name Zulfa'i known to be related to the family of Areeqah and was very beautiful to get married to Jubair a Muslim who did not possess wealth or handsomeness except religion.
3- THE RELATION BEFORE PREGNANCY AND THE COMPOSITION OF THE CHILD
After the process of selecting husband on basis of the noble Islamic criterions it commence gradually step by step with the child, in every step it has laid down a real foundation and laws for the child's composition and sound upbringing and the two spouses has nothing to do rather than to comply with the light of the laid down foundations and laws.
The Perfect and Majesty said: {And one of His signs is that He created for you mates from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He put between you love and mercy}
.
It made love, cordiality, change of noble compassion and sharp feelings as the relationship between the two spouses. In other for the continuity of thisrelationship
Islam has call for fastening the two spouses with the measures which has been stipulated by the divine method in life.
The wedding eve is the first step for the relation and connection of the husband and wife. Then Islam ordered us to comply with these divine measures so that the relation will not be like that of animalistic one.Observing two unit recommended prayer by the two spouses is the first of this measure followed by praise, commendation of Allah and prayer for the holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and his house hold (peace be upon them) then seeks prayer for continuity of love and cordiality between them: (O' Allah provide me with her intimacy, cordiality and her pleasure with me, join us together with the best union, ease our harmony, verily you like lawful things and dislike unlawful things)
.
Complying with that create tranquility, constancy and calmness in the first step of meeting and there will be no chance for the wife to fill unrest and anxiety hence the wedding eve is entertain able with love and cordiality.
At the stage of sexual relation this prayer continues and it recommended to say:(O' Allah provide me with a male child and make pious and intelligence with out addition or subtraction and make his ending a better one ).The best recommended prayer in the first sexual relation is (In the name of Allah the beneficent the merciful)
.
Secondly: The Pregnancy Stage
1- COAGULATION OF THE FOETUS
For the physical and psychological safety of theembryo
Islam has laid dawn an easy program without hardship and difficulty.
The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has requested to prohibiting women from taking the followings in first week of her pregnancy, they are:-milk, vinegar, coriander and bitter apple because the effect of these substances make her delaying delivery and make her labor very difficult, It also causes her some sickness
which has effected on the pregnancy and the baby.
like wise the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlul Bait (peace be upon them) has prohibited from having sexual relation in specified period though this caution has not reach the stage of prohibition but it is offensive as it reflect negatively on the embryo psychological and health wise. Those periods are as followings:-
Between the rising of the fajr (Dawn) and sun rise, between the sun set and the aurora time, immediately after-noon (zuhr), Beginning and middle of the month, during the solar and lunar Eclipse, when red or black or yellow wind are blowing and when earth quake is happening.
The Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) has encouraged relation at other time after the aforementioned ones. There are other period which has effect on the child's emotional feelings especially during a fearful time as it will cause the child to be indecisive, unrest and fearful and other period which may cause madness, leprosy and foolishness to the child.
There are other advices that have connection with sexual relationship.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "don't converse while having sexual inter-course because if child is granted during that time he is not free to become dumb and none of you should look at his wife's vulva, he should close his eye as looking at the wife's private part during sexual inter-course may cause blindness to the child"
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The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "It is offensive to have sexual-intercourse with ones wife after having a wet dream until he takes bath from his wet dream, if he does that and the child becomes mad then he should not blame anybody other than himself"
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The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Don't have sexual inter-course with your wife in standing position because that is the action of an ass, if child is granted during that time he will be urinating on the bed"
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the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Don't have sexual inter-course with your wife with the desire derived from other than her, I fear if child is granted during that time will become a bisexual or a girl or will become mentally deranged"
.
Itwas understood
from this narration that one should not imagine another woman while having sexual inter-course with his wife.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "If your wife is pregnant don't have sexual inter-course with her except you are on Ablution because not observing that the child will be heartless and a miser"
.
At all time Islam has encourage (Zikr), remembrance of Allah before the sexual inter-course and mentioning (Bismillah) in the name of Allah during the sexual inter-course, this is in addition to the uses of a deeper means for the joint of love, cordiality and the holy bond like embracing, kissing, soft speeches and pleasing her.
2- THE FIRST ENVIRONMENT FOR THE CHILD
The mother's womb is the first environment from which one originates, so this environment has positive and negative effect on the child because where the child moves about and the fetusis considered
part of the mother all the circumstances of the mother are living reflected on the child. Ithas been established
through scientifically research the efficiency of the mother on the embryo's physical and psychological growth. Then the troubles, anxiety, suppression, fears and so on leave its effect on the baby's emotionalfeelings
.
Theembryo is affected by the mother's psychological attributes and all that is positively occurred to the mother during the period of pregnancy
. Verily (the nervous problems of the mother gives a severe blows to the gifted embryo before he was born, to extend it will change to nervous existence. From this point of view it is necessary to have inter-connection with the mother by giving importance to the pregnancy in order to distance her from misguiding thought, grief, anxiety and to maintain calm and constancy atmosphere)
The pregnancy period has its positive or negative effect on the emotional stability of thechild
. That is why Islam has laid emphasis to this reality beforeit was discovered by this day's psychologist
. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The unblessed is one of the wretched in his mother's womb and the blessed is one of the fortunate in his mother's womb"
.
The meaning of the wretchedness and fortunate are the reflections that occur to the embryo regards the healthy, physical and psychological condition of the mother, then the baby has the preparedness to be wretched or fortunate.Some of the physical sickness has effect on the embryo and may be born affected with some of it which will accompanied him till his old age and that will be the cause of his wretchedness or may be saved from those sickness and will be accompanied with good health, like wise the situation in terms of his psychological and emotional condition.
The anxiety or tranquility, the unrest or constancy, the fear or rest of mind and other attributes has effect on the embryo and accompanied him if he is not in the midst of a good society to save guides him from the previous effects or the society that will distanced him from having physical and psychological safety.
The followings are the precautionary measures Islam has taken to distance embryo from negative physical and psychological growth.
A- CARES FOR THE MOTHER'S FEEDIN
From the established reality is that the physical soundness of the embryo depends on the mother's physical soundness.
Feeding is among the factors that contribute to the sound health of the mother. We can observe the clear effect of starvation on babies in some countries. The physical weakness and sickness, the deformations in creationare all caused
by starvation and mal-nutrition. Verily the opposition is correct.
That is why the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has cautioned to take care of the feeding of a pregnant woman especially the foods that have effect on the spiritual and psychological attributes of the embryo.
QUINCE (SAFARJAL)
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Eat quince (safarjal) as it brightening the eyes and create cordiality in the mind and feed your pregnant woman with it because it makes your son handsome"
.
MILK
The Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) said: "Feed your pregnant woman milk because it increases the child's intelligence"
.
Imam Ali Ibn Musa Ar-Ridah (peace be upon him) said: "Feed your pregnant woman milk, if there is a baby in her womb, he will comes out brilliantly, scholarly and courageously. If she is a baby girl, she will be beauty, possess good conduct, big buttock and honored by her husband"
.
DATES
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Feed your women dates in her last month to delivery, verily her child will be tolerant and pure"
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The Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has laid down a complete time table for the types of food that are beneficial for the physical soundness as it was stated in the chapters of foods and drinking in Al-kafi and Makarimul Akh'laq. Like pomegranate, fig, grapes, dried grapes, herbaceous, chard and other fruits and again meat, mash and vegetables.
This is in addition to the prohibition of some foods that are physical and psychologically harmful like dead meat, blood, pig meat, wine and all others thatare mentioned
in the Qur'an and traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) regards prohibited foods and drinks.
B- CARE FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICAL SOUNDNESS OF THE PREGNANT WOMAN
SelectingA
Spacious House
Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Having spacious house is part of happiness"
.
He (peace be upon him) said: "A believer has convenience in a spacious house"
.
Possessing a spacious house is among the established fact that contributes to human being's happiness and Islam has duly encourage that. If one is in the midst of Islamic community that adopted Islamic system of life, the societal guarantee will satisfy this need and other ones.
In a situation where one can not afford to buy or rent a spacious house, he is to plead the wife to work hard and struggle in order to achieve that and give her hope on that or encourage her to be patient for what Allah has provided for their poverty in terms of goods and rewards.
Verily this will give her tranquility and rest of mind even if the house is tight.
PROVIDING ALL THE WOMAN'S NECESSITIES
On the authority of Abdullah bn Ata, he said: I entered to Abu Jaafar (peace be upon him) and I saw bed stead, pillows, fashions and other things that accompanied it in his house, I said to him, what are all this? He (peace be upon him) said: "It is women properties"
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It is incumbent to provide all the necessities of the women in the house like pillows,cushions
and colored wool furnishing. This is in addition to beautiful dresses and some other house equipments to give her rest of mind and happiness.It is incumbent to provides all these, base on the husband's ability but in a situation where he was not able to provide all these or some of it, he should satisfy her with what Allah the Most High has provided for her in the Paradise, this is in addition to creation of hope in her mind for better condition for the satisfaction of her needs.
GOOD DEALINGS WITH THE WOMEN
Good dealing with the women especially the pregnant ones will made her leave a happy life, full of relief, tranquility, spiritual and psychological constancy of which there is no chance for anxiety and psychological unrest to penetrate in her spirit and mind.
Imam Zainul Aabideen (peacebe
upon him) said: "Your right of guardianship from what you have possessed through marriage is to know that Allah has made her your residence, place of rest, intimacy and defendant. Also it is for every one of the two spouses to thank Allah for his companionship and to know that it is a blessing from Allah and to make good friendship, respect and leniency with this blessing of Allah because she possesses the Right of intimacy and place of rest, in her your delectation"
.
Good dealings are to have good conduct, leniency and let her hear good words from you. Honor her and kept her in a suitable place, considered her a partnership in life and satisfies all her spiritual and material needs. Treat her like human beings as honored by Islam and allow happiness, smiling,cordiality
and blessing to prevail in the house. Try to create happiness in her mind and safe guide her secrecy and others that Islamic teaching which it has laid emphasis on.
Among it is to assist her in some difficult domestic duties, be patient of her mistakes andshort-comings
which did not affect her Islamic ways of life. Make reconciliation in solving the daily problems in such a way that it will not annoyed her and distance from any thing that will psychologically affect her like unnecessary jealousy, frown of face before her, beating her or abandoning her or reducing some of her Rights
.
If you treat her very well, her spiritual and psychological condition will be good and it will reflect on the embryo.
Notes
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Author: Ismail Abdullah
