Chapter Four: The Third Stage: Early Childhood Stage
Early childhood stage commences from weaning age to the end of the sixth or seventh years of his age. This is the most important training stage for the child's linguistic,mental
and social development. It is a stage ofself building
which stands as psychological and moral support.
This stage needs special assistance of the parents for the training of the children and preparing them to be efficient in the midst of the society. Thefeature of this stage are
pinpointed with in the following training methods.
Firstly: Teaching ChildThe
Cognition Of Allah The Most High
Child was naturally created base on faith with Allah the most High, where he begins asking questions about the origination of the universe, his existence, that of his parents and the existence of all that is surrounding him. His limited thinking is ready to accept the view about the maker and creator; it is upon the parents to utilize his inquiry by acquainting him of Allah the Creator and the most High to the extent his limited thought can accept.
Faith in Allah the most High as it was emphasize by the religious teachers and the psychologists is (among the valuable things to be planted in child.....
It is among those things that will enable him hope in life and reliance on the creator and possesses religious restraints that will protect him from committing sins)
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Training and teaching in this stage is preferably to bestep by step
with in the chain of method that is mentally suitable to the age of the child and level of his linguistic development.Imam Mohammad Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) has specified the chain method by saying: "When a child reaches three years of age you say to him: Lailaha illa Allah seven times, you then leaves him till he reaches three years seven months and twenty days you then say to him: Mohammadu Rrasulillah seven times, you then leaves him till he completed four years of age, you then say to him: sala llahu ala Mohammad wa'aalih seven times, you then leaves him till he completed his fifth years of age, you then said to him where is your right side and where is your left side?
if he has known all that, you turn his face towards Qiblah and said to him to "prostrate" you then leaves him till he completed seven years of age, when he has completed his seven years of age, tell him to wash his face and hands, if he has washes them, then tell him to pray, you then leaves him till he completed nine years of age, you teach him ablution, prayer and beat him if not observing it, when he has learned ablution and prayer Almighty Allah will forgive him and his parents by His Wish"
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The present days psychology has established the authenticity of this method (2-3 years, because of too much of things and the relationship, the child begin to acquire utterances that correlates with what he can express base on his understandings at the end of his third years the child will be able to make speeches base on the grammatical laws he observed and it will enable him to construct primary and sound sentences
.
It is incumbent to deepen the faith in Allah while teaching the child.
The child of this stage does imitate the parents in all aspect including faith in Allah. DR. Sapoksays:
(Verily the basis of the child's faith and love for the great creator are the same basis that parents love Allah). He says: (Between the age of three to six he will try to imitate the parents in all aspect, if they converse with him regards Allah, he will preserve the image he derived from their words literally about Allah)
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Child of this stage always inclines towards love, cordiality, gentleness and lenient relations or (it is preferably to laid emphasis on special attributes like mercy, love and forgiveness to the last extent possible and to reduce about punishment and revenge attributes)
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Then the image the child is bearing in his senses about Allah will be that of beautiful ones and pleased with him. It also increases his concern about Allah and beholds Him to be the donor of the blessing and love for him.
When we wants the child to creates the image of the day of Judgment, the best is to centralize on the enjoyment in the paradise that is suitable to his desire, regards food, drinks, games and other things. We have to stress it to him that he will obtain them if he is of good moral and abide by the Islamic cultures and if he did not abide by it, he will be deprived of it and should delay emphasis about the punishment of Hell firetill
the next stage of his life.
Secondly: Emphasis onThe
Love For The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and The Ahlulbayt (peace be upon them).
The prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Teach your children three habits: love of your Prophet, love for the Ahlulbait and reading of the holy Qur'an"
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In this stage the child's feelings, tenderness and consciousness, developed regards love, hatred, attraction, disinclination,zealousness
and withdrawal. It is then incumbent to utilize the tenderness in the child and to developed his feelings and tenderness and try to focus him towards the highest exemplary human being and commence concentrations on the love for the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) in his personal sentiment.
The best way to focus this love is showing their stances and their conduct in the society especially regards their mercy, sympathy, generosity, sufferings,deprivations
and aggressions they encountered. All this make the child to be sympathetic with and loving them. Then they will hate all those that cause havoc to them among the polytheists and the perverted ones.
Concentration on the reading of the holy Qur'an in the childhood makes him to be vocal in the Book of Allah. He will be acquainted with what came in the Qur'an especially the chapters and the verses the child understand their meanings.
The reality has established that the child possess the ability to repeat and memorize what he hears. The child will grow up having attraction andinterest for the Qur'an and what is in Qur'anic understandings
reflect on his senses and conduct.
Thirdly: EducatingThe
Child on Obedince to The Parents
The parents have a greater role to play in educating the children because the responsibility is on them before any other thing and they determine the future personality of the child while the school and surrounding society play the secondary role of the child education.
If the child is not habituated with the obedience to theparents
he will not accept their advices, guidance, educational and reformatory orders. He will then createa lot of
problems for himself, the parents and the society.As a result
of that, he will be insubordinate to the laws, customs and stipulated traditions by the country and the society.
Imam Al-Hassan bn Ali Al-Askari (peace be upon him) said: "The child's boldness to the parents in the childhood result to his disobedient when he grows up"
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Imam Mohammad bn Ali Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: ".....
The worst child is he whose negligence has leads him to disobedience"
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Educating the child for obeying the parent needs continuous struggle to habituate him for that, because the child of this stage desire to build his personality and personal independence, therefore there is need of additional struggles from the side of the parents and the best means to habituates him on obedience is to let him feel of love and sympathy. DR. Yasri Abdul Muhsin says: (The most important factors that assist the child in obedience are love and sympathy, he observes from all the members of the family)
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Satisfying the child's essential needs is among the means of making him obedient like (peace, love, appreciation, freedom and need for compressing power)
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DR. Fakhir Aqil view this needs in the following form: (Need for self-assertion or stature, recognize him and his stature to be cautions ofhim .....
and the need for love peace and independence)
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When the child feels love,sympathy
and appreciation from the parents, he will try to satisfy the parents and obedience in substantial of satisfaction.
The parents are the foundation in educating the child for obedience. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah bless the parents that help their child for their obedience"
.
The means of assistance is as specified by the Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) "May Allah bless a servant that help his child for his obedience by doing good to him, harmonize with him teaches and educates him"
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He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah blessed he who assist his child for his obedience, that is to forgive his short-comings and prays for him for what is between him and Allah"
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The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah blessed he who helps his child for hisobedience .....
He accepts his feasible and over-looks his short-comings; he does not oppress him nor encroach with him ....."
The children's love for their parents is the reaction of the parent's love forthem
.
Verily obedience will occurred if love prevailed in the relations between the child and his parents.The children will obey the parent's orders if their orders are lenient, gentle and if it is inform of advices and guidance but if you apply reproach and tongue-lashing reverse will be the result, that is why the psychologist and the educationist advices parents to minimize tongue-lashing as it came from the saying of Anwar Jandi: (Tongue-lashing is aimed when an offence occurred because much tongue-lashing distress the hearing of the blamed one and lessen the cause of the utterances
.
The child that obtains love and appreciation will not deem obedience toparent's
order as imperfection for his wish for independence. With thelove
that the child feels will deepen his self acceptance to imitate the conduct of those that loves him like the parents, their conduct will then reflect in him and he will henceforth obeys them.
The child will have a rest and act as a matured in a form he will not offend the parents if he is treated as a matured human being that possess a stature, he will then be accustomed with obedient to the parents consequently he will obey all personalities he meets from his parents or from the school or from the community.
Fourthly: Doing Good toThe
Child and Honoring Him
The child of this stage is in need of love and appreciation from the side of the parents and in need of his recognition and his status in the family andin the society and to focus brightness on him
. He will be developing at any time heperceive
he is love and that the parents or the community feels of his personality and status. (To be adjustable in a good conformity, his entity will be sound and guided base as if when the childis loved and accepted,
feeling of tranquility in the house).
The love and appreciations that the child perceive have a great effect in all aspect of his life, then he will be developed perfectly, linguistically, mentally, psychologically and socially. The child imitate when he likes and accept teachings, orders and advices from them. He will then learn basis of good conduct from the parents and will reflect in his habit if he feels love and appreciations from both of them (parents).
Ithas been stated
in many narrations emphasizing the necessity of loving and honoring the child.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Honor your children and give them good education"
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The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah bless a servant who help his child for his obedience by doing goods to him, harmonize with him and educates him"
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He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Parent's look at his child with love for him is a worship"
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He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Love children and have mercy on them and fulfill your promise to them whenever you promised them because they thought you provide their provisions"
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Encouraging and commending children for their invention even though it is little and over looking their lapses, don't depreciate his sayings or his deeds and don't impel him more than his ability, all this are the substantial of love for them and making him to feel his status as it comes from the sayings of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants): "May Allah have mercy on him who assist his child for his obedience .....
He accepts his feasible and over-look his short-comings and did not oppress him nor encroach with him"
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To kiss children is among the best means that makes them feels of love and kindness. The prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Increase the kissing of your children, because every kiss has a degree in the Paradise"
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He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever kiss his child has done a good deed, whoever make his child happy, Allah will make him happy in the day of Resurrection"
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Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Be obedient to your parents so that your children will be in obedient to you"
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Making the child to hear words of love and cordiality is among the substantial of him feelingbeing loved
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Thus in Narration Alhassan and Al-Hussein came proceeding to the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) he took one of them and merge him to his armpit and the other to the other armpit andsaid:
"These are my aroma in this world"
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In order to make the child feels his societal status and enable him deepen trust in himself, the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has done greeting to the children and the adult as it has come in the traditions that [He has greet the children when he has passed over them]
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has treated Alhassan and Al-Hussein with special treatment, verily [he pays homage to Al-hassan and Al-Hussein while they are young]
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Making child to feel love and sympathy is among the important factors that assist him in obedience and compliance to the parents.
It is better to make the child to perceive that the love is accompanying him in all places and in all conditions even when he made a mistake or committed what necessitate reproaching or punishing him. It is also better than making child to differentiate between the love forhim
and that he was not hated in a situation when he made a mistake or committed a sin.
DR. Sapok says: (It is incumbent for us as father not to allow the child in any stage of his life to feel of being disregarded even by mere seeing, indeed the child is not able to differentiates between the hatred from his parent due to his conduct and their hatred for him)
However
by educating and repetition of action it will enable us to convince the child that the bad action he is committing is hateful from the side of his parents or from the side of the community but continuation of love with him. We also tried to convince him to refrain from bad actions and to make realize that in this situation the love and the sympathy will reach a higher stage.
Fifthly: EqualityBetween
Distress and Leniency
Honoring the child, doing goods to him, making him to feel love and sympathy, making him to feel his status in the society, that he is accepted by his parent and the community, he should not exceed the proper bond or limit and should not allow complete freedom to act according to his wishes.
It is incumbent on the parents to lay down equality method in their dealing with the child.Don't
be so much lenience to reach the utmost limit of leniency and not to be severely in all that he committed but leniency and severity at their limit. Let moderation prevail between the two (i.e. leniency and severity) in all standtill
he transcend the stage of childhood with peace and tranquility. He will then differentiate between the beloved and the disregarded conducts because the first five or six years in the child's lifeis
where he constitute his personal mode of life.
Verily the narrations have laid emphasis on moderation while dealing with child without negligence or excessiveness.
Imam Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "The worst father is he whose kindness has led toimmoderate ......
"
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It is incumbent on the parents when the child committed some disagreeing conduct to make him feels the wrong of this disagreed conduct and try to convinced him to abstain from it, he should reproach or punishes him spiritually and not corporal punishment if conviction and leniency are not beneficial because psychological punishment is better than corporal punishment just as Imam Musa bn Jaafar Al-kazim (peace be upon him) answered on how to deal with the children and said: "Don't beat him, dissociate with him but not for a long time"
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In a repetition of the child'sshort-comings
Imam did not call for leniency and tolerance and did not also call for continuous spiritual punishment (i.e. dissociation) but he calls for moderation and balance between punishment and leniency.
Negligence and immoderate leads to negative effect on the child in all aspect like mentally, psychologically and morally.
It is incumbent in light of free educational method to create moderation between commendation and reproach because excess commendation is like reproach for its effect on the child emotionally and makes him anxiously worried. The child that (rise from excess compassion will not be able to resist the changes in life before him or to strive with it)
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The emotional maturity of a child who is babied delayed and his childhood period prolonged before him.
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He will then remain in need of his parents in all stances that face him, this situation continued with himtill
his old age. That is why we can find youth and matured ones in our society waiting for the community to call for their needs or to support their views or to praise and commend them. They are not also able to confront the problems standing before their aspirations. It is the same saying to the child whose conductis disregarded
or who is subjected to insult or excessive reproach from the side of the parents or the children that are made to be accountable to all that occurred from them. Like wise ImamAli
(peace be upon him) said: "Immoderate in reproach rises the deep flame"
.
That is why we find in the community the phenomenon of the perverted ones whose attitudes are hostile towards others
; they were subjected to insult and continuous punishment.
It is then incumbent on the parents to laid down a program enlightening the children the good and bad deeds so that commendation and reproach will base on what he has committed and it enable us to plant love for good deeds and hatred for bad deeds in his mind. In thisstage
you should struggle to strengthen the inner-most of the child so that it will be his future plans. We should plant fear from committing bad deed and motivate him for good deeds instead of fear from punishment and motivation for commendation and laudation.
The parents should let commendation and reproach sincerely for the aim of educating the children and should not reflect their psychological status while educating them like he whowas confronted
with problems and cast his anger on the child without any justification.
In this respect the holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has forbade educating while on a state ofanger
.
There are some situations the parents have to be very vigilant so that reverse effect should not be on the child's sense and psychology.
For example a child that break in to pieces some costly items in the house he deems he has done a nice job by making it two through breaking it and he is demanding praise and commendation for the well done job, the child will be surprise of being punished instead of commendation. The punishment will then have its psychological effect on the child.
In another situation some times the child may be in need of reproach or blame or abandonment or corporal punishments as DR. Sapok says (Verily the children in most cases are happy because the father has laid impudence for them)
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The child needs a balance attention when he is sick without negligence nor immoderate (i.e. no excess attention nor absence of attention) moderate is better, and make him feel of being attended to a reasonable limit because the exaggeration method taking by the mother when their children are in sick has psychological effects on the child even at his old age, it will create a gloomy child from it, with much complaint and quick agitation.
It is incumbent for the parents to observe one and agreed method while educating the child so that they can realize the right and mistake in his conduct. The mother should not contradict the father when he reproach the child for a certain committed mistake like wise in commendation because the conduct disorder and psychological sickness that affected the child in his youth and as a man in future is as a result of the wrong treatment of the parents .....
Like contradiction in method of dealings, swing between tolerance and stress.... verification and negligence, all these development will neither create hostility or criminality or psychological chilliness or frustration and scruple or excess depending on others, babied conduct and personal weakness.
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Sixthly: EquityBetween
Children
The first child in the family is in position of love,sympathy
and protection by the parents being the first and the only child. Hewas granted
excess attention and leniency all his psychological and material needs was fulfilled. The parents will try all their possible best to please them in different means by providing all his needs in terms of dresses, playinginstruments
and other things of this nature.
He always accompany his parents either the mother or the father or both of them (in another expression) he attain exceptional attention.This type of child with all these attention and leniency will encounter a serious problem when they give birth a second child, he will then commence anxiety for the second child, that there will be a competition in all angles, the new child will compete with him in terms of the parent's love and care for him, his position as the only child before, his playing instruments, jealousness will then commence right from the first day he was born.
He will engage the parents in a new unforeseen situation including the safety of the mother and the child. If the parents are not vigilant on thisphenomenon
the jealousy of the first child may gradually change to enmity and hatred for the new born baby. This enmity will reflect in his status emotionally and psychologically. This increases whenever attention and care are focus on the newly bornbaby which
will remove the first child from the circles of care and attention. It is then incumbent on the parents to heed to that and protect this new phenomenon to leave the first child to enjoyed the same attention and care and make him feel love and sympathy and to love the second child.
Let him satisfied that he will become brother or sister to him, that he will assist and comfort him, he is not a rival to him in terms of love and care, and it is incumbent for the both of them in reality to believe this inducement. The mother should rise to embrace and kiss him while the father should rise to respond to his needs or buying new playing instruments for him and other means of showing him real attention and care. The optimum resolution is to make equity and equality between the first and the second child because that is the protection and remedy for jealousy,hatred
and enmity.
The importance of equity and equality becomes certain when the both child advance in age because their feelings and emotions developed and they gradually matured linguistically and mentally which enable them comprehend the meaning of equity and equality. They can also identify its substantial in areal
feasible.
There are many related traditions emphasizing the spread of equity between the children. The Messenger of Allah (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) said: "Justify between your children as you wants them to justify between you in obedience and kindness"
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Justice between the children is general and comprises all portion of life that is surrounding the child spiritually and materially. I.e. to satisfy all their material needs and their spiritual needs in love,commendation
and care.
It came from the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) that he saw a man with two children kissing one of them and leaving the other, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants)said:
"You should have do equality between them"
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The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Verily Allah the most high wants you to justify between your children even in kissing"
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The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) emphasize on equity in presents and gifts even in food, drinks, dresses, playing instruments and so on as it was related from the saying s of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants): "Do equality to your children in presents, but if I am to favor any of them, I will prefer the female child"
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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Make justice between your children in dividing as you want them to do you justice in obedience and kindness"
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Justicedoesn't
mean "there should be no preference" because some children attract the parents more than the other. From Rifa'ah Al-Asadi, hesaid:
(I inquire from Abu Al-Hassan Musa bn Jaafar (peace be upon him) about a man having many children from different mother, can he prefer one of them than the others? He (peace be upon him) replied positively, it doesn't matter, my father (peace be upon him) does prefer me than Abdullah my brother)
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Preference should be in veil and not to be manifested before the children, he should conceal it in his mind but in reality he should not act except with justice and equality as Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) has said: "My father said: by Allah I will do to some of my children, sit him on my thigh, love him much, gratified him much, that the Right is for other than him from among my children but for protecting him from others so that they should not act on him what Yousuf's brother done to him"
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Injustice has negative effect on the children psychologically that leads to the plant of the spirit of hatred and aversion between them, as a result of that it will lead to intense enmity and unfair decision like that of Yousuf's brother s when they threw him into the well.
The history has been on the base of spreading equity between the children of same father or of same kinship.
It was related from Abdullah bn Abbas, he said: (I was with the Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) while on his left thigh Ibrahim his son and on his right thigh Al-Hessian bn Ali, he sometimes kisses this and sometimes kisses the other)
Ibrahim is the son of the Prophet while Hussein is the son of his daughter but with this difference in relation he (peace be upon him and his descendants) did not differentiates in his dealing between them.
In narrations (The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) was praying while Alhassan and Al-Hussein came to climb him, he gently took them when he rises his head, when he return they return, when he finishes he seated this at his right thigh and the other at his left thigh)
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The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) was on the pulpit given sermon while Alhassan and Al-Hussein came across him walking (The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) get down from the pulpit, he takes them and place them before himself)
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Among the substantial of equity and equality is not to make comparism between the children in their physical,spiritual
and psychological attributes. It is not proper to say this one is more beautiful than theother
or more brilliant or more moral because it will be source of grudges and comparism between the children, because it also leads to jealousy from some of them and to competition.
Comparism leads to lost of trust between the brothers and the opposite is correct.
(Not differentiating in dealing is the greatest support to create exchange of confident atmosphere between the child and other members of the family)
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We can observe from most fathers un-intended stance like his saying: verily inmy
son this resemble me and that does not resemble me, even this comparism does its duty in jealousy, rivalry and the better is to refrain from it.
Among equity is not to distinguish between boy and girl because the distinction has negative effect on the girl's psychology and planting of enmity and grudges between the sister and her brother. This phenomenon is common in most countries when the parent's inclination towards the male child was more than that of the female child. They fulfill the request of the boy more than that of the girl's requests.
Narrations came in order to minimize this phenomenon by granting exceptional providence for a baby girl and educates parents on that basis as it was narrated by bn Abbas from the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants): "Whoever enters market and purchases presents for his family is like who takes charity to the needy peoples and he should commence with the females before the males ....."
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Commencing with the female will not have any negative effects on the male because he sees it natural that one should receive before the other, what mostly silent the child and not to considered it a distinction, if he obtain the gift from the parents, there is no difference whether he is the first or the second.
Equity between the childrendoesn't
mean we should not adopt encouraging methods by giving additional gift to who executes good deeds. It may be beneficial and permissible competition between thechildren which did not have any negative effects in their psychology
but they will consider it as permissible and natural Right.
It is incumbent on the parents when dealing with the children to take care of this situation, knowing the psychology of their children by inventing successful ways of encouragement that conform with their psychological status, so that they shouldn't feel injustice. No matter how justice and equity isestablished
it will not put an end to some negative phenomenon like quarrel and conflict between the children.It is a natural phenomenon that
occurs between the children in all or most of the families.
Serious argument andhand to hand
fight do occur between the children, one will accuse his brother or for remising his Right or that he commence the aggression on him. In thissituation
the parents should study the problems objectively that the quarrel and conflict are natural, if it is simple, uncomplicated and limited; the best is not to interfere as they will resolve by themselves to put and end to their quarrel.
It is not proper for the parents or one of them to interfere as a judge between them because to judge in favor of one against the other will not conform with implementation of justice and equality with the children but if the quarrel or the conflict repeated or continued through the day or it becomes severe and dangerous for the children the parent's role comes, to intervene and terminate it by issuing order to both of them to discontinue the conflict or to divert their attention to another topic entirely and engaged them with it or to intervene by distancing them from each other but when the issue demand reproach or spiritual punishment, the better to focus both of them to concord with implementation of equity between the children.
Seventhly: Freedom in Playing
Playing is a natural preparedness of the child, through it he completely liberates from additional energy. It is introduction to purposeful and serious action. There is in child the feel of this ability to deal with others, his linguistic,mental
and physical ability. Throughplaying
the child gets to know accurately the peculiarity of things surrounding him. Playing has many benefits to the child and it is compulsory in this stage and the preceding one. The children (learns customs through the means of playing like self disposition, mutual assistance and self reliance, playing add joy and happiness to himself and develop his talent and ability to create and invent)
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Through playing (the child's psychology, mental, social and emotional development materialized).
The child through playing learns the societal criterions, emotional control,orderliness
and mental assistance. It satisfies the needs of the child like love for possession.....
The child enjoys while living in hischildhood
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Playing is among the necessary needs of the child that is why it is not possible to deem or see child not playing, even the Prophets and the righteous ones has pass through the playing stage even though their playing differ from others, in ways and methods of their playing. That is why some narrations came emphasizing the satisfaction of this need.
Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Leave your child to play for seven years ....."
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A narration was reported from the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) with another expression says: "Child are independent till seven years ...."
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From the commander of the faithful Ali (peace be upon him): "Child are comfortable till seven years ...."
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The traditions are emphasizing that the stages before the age of eight are playing stage and it is incumbent on the parents to grant freedom of playing without pressure or compulsion with exception of dangerous plays that is compulsory to distance from the child or to distance the child from it.
Freedom of playing means that the parents should not interfere in the choosing time for the play or its type or its method so long the play does not contradict general character and no gravity on the child or on others. Child of this stage does not endorse the parent to intervene in his personal affairs and does not endorse issuing too much order to him.
The best play to the child is the type he haschosen or he has created by himself
or he discovered new ways of playing by himself or a special way he applies in his playing. It is then better for the parents to provide toys and other playing instruments for the child and should conform to his desires.
DR. Sapok says: (It is compulsory for us to leave the child to administer his playing affairs so that he can learn from it we should leave leadership for him to follow what his imagination says to him, with this the play becomes beneficial. It is incumbent to be its instructor and necessary for it to submit to his thought, when he deem inside him that he needs the assistance of any of the parents to administer the occurred problems to his game, surely the parents will render the assistance)
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The whole psychologists and educationist emphasize on freedom of play for the children (when children draws a special programs for their activities they should not be prevented from that because continuance implementation of the draw scheme without any hindrances on his ways is among the effective factors that build the personality before them)
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The Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) does encourage Alhassan and Al-Hussein to wrestle between them. One night he (peace be upon him and his descendants) enters the house of Fatima (peace be upon her) with him Al-hassan and Al-Hussein (peace be upon them) he said to them: "Stand up and wrestled ..........."
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From Safwaan Al-Jamaal he said: (.....
Abul Hassan Musa, when he was young and a small Mecca she goat was with him, he was saying to it: prostrate to your Lord, Abu Abdullah (peace be upon him) took him and embrace him.....)
.
The Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) does grant complete freedom of playing to Alhassan and Al-Hussein (peace be upon them) in his dealing with them. Alhassan and Al-Hussein do sometimes (climb the Prophet's back (peace be upon him and his descendants) they have said: move (a word said to a camel) he (peace be upon him and his descendants) has said: Indeed! the camel is yours)
.
These types of work do repeats in the relation between the child and his father when the children will climb the back of the parents during the prayer that is why it is necessary for the parents not to rebuked the child on that and should allow the freedom for him because with time he will desist from it.
Itcan be comprehended
from the Traditions that the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) does facilitates this kind of activities even at the sight of the community.
From Abdullah bn Zubair, he said: (I will inform you about the most resemblance to him among his family and the most dear to him, i.e. Alhassan bn Ali, I saw him coming climbing on the Prophet's neck or back while the Prophet was on prostration position, he did not drop him until he drop by himself, I also once saw him coming while he was on bending position, he expand his two legs for him to come out from the other side)
.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) does join Alhassan and Al-Hussein in their activities but his participation doesn't mean intervention in their affairs but he participates as one of them, the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) would do laid down Alhassan and Al-Hussein and mix between their opposite hands and legs and said: "The excellent camel is yours"
.
Participation of the parents or one of them with the child while playing is very necessary and it is among (the important factors that developed the child's energy most especially, he will become independent and personally strong)
.
The best way of the participation in their plays is for the parent to converse with the children with words and expressions they understand and to conform to their mental and linguistic standard, i.e. to behave as if he is a kid.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever has a child should behaves like a child to him"
.
The educationist has emphasized this reality, Morris Teesh says: (It is compulsory to behave with your children like friends, work with them, participate with them in their playing converse with them with love and friendship expression, it is also necessary for you to know how to position yourself to children's level and converse with them in the language they understand)
.
Playing with children makes them to feel in a sublime position, it also makes them to rejoice and happy, it is incumbent on the matured ones to obey the desire of the younger ones when they demand to play with them)
.
Playing is a means among the means of educating and preparedness for a serious work. It is a (means of understanding the children's psychology and cognizance of their preparedness and means of teaching and training them morally and socially)
.
The children's play is considered reality in their sound disorderly conducts (The child in the course of his play express his problems and conflicts he undergoes, he then drops his emotional feelings towards the elders during the course of his play)
.
From this point of view it is incumbent on the parents to supervise the children during their plays without them feeling of being supervised, he will obtain full information in all aspect of the child, in their societal interaction, observing the speeches and excitements that accompanies the play, observing the child's method of expressing his desires, needs, fears and problems especially in repeating and increasing situation.
He will also observe the child's conducts in terms of leniency, violence,emotion
and disturbances.
He should also observe his view regards his parents especially when thechild portray
the role of the father or that of the mother.Though
the supervision and observation will enable the parents to know his linguistic, mental and emotional development, and then comes the role of the parents after the supervision to lay a complete program for orientation and education that conform to the child's emotional, psychological and mental status.
Indirect observation and supervision have more benefits than that of direct observation and supervision through participation in his plays because child through direct dealings will conceal his emotion, view and his imagination due to shyness or fear of the parents.
Eighthly: Training and DistancingThe
Child From Excitements
Sexual education is the most difficult and complicated type of training. It is among the phenomenon that causes criticality for the parents. There are various ways of training base on the adopted method by the parents and base on the customs and tradition prevailing in the society or base on the level of the parent's perception and awareness that iswhy we perceive immoderate or negligence in the most method of sexual education
. The children whether male or female do commence inquiry on issuesconcerning .
He will inquire about his creation in his mother's womb, why pregnancy is mainly for the mother and not thefather?
How does birth take place? Why pregnancy did not take place during childhood?Why not by an unmarried girl?
What is the difference between male and female?
And
what were the causes?And
much other question.It is modesty and reasonable for the parents to considered all these question as natural, they should not show their fear to that and the better not to prevent children from these questions because he will search for the answers from other than the parents which will cause him tiredness, disturbance and anxiety if the answer are not satisfactory or not a clear to him.
It is upon the parents to completely prepared to assist the child with sensible and comfortable answers that will satisfies their inquisitives and to stop their inquiry after being contended and he is confident with it.
The answer should conform with the child's perceptions, understandings and level of his acceptance, for example his questions about pregnancy should be answer as follows (Allah the most High place the child in the womb of his mother) on his question regards , the answer should be (you are like you father or you are like your mother) or you tell him (Allah has created two different child from lady) the answer should be in a natural form far from anxiety and trouble rather in a tranquil form so that the child may not understand that his questions and the answers to it are not natural because it will prompt him to search for answers by himself.
There are desire in children that is compulsory to be treated tranquilly and leniently, it is not severe to use reproach or beating, the stages between three and five or six years of his age, children incline towards (enjoyment by putting forward his body to others at that moment)
.
Some children play with their sexual organ; at thattime
it is compulsory for the parents to prevent him from that but in a peaceful manner and to engage him with another thing.They should take care not to undress before the children, verily the great psychologist has resolved base on the reality of their experience and trial (verily the undressing of the parents and not covering the necessary parts to be covered do disturb the child) DR. Sapok comment on that by saying ( I suggested to every father and mother to observe that and to cover all necessary and reasonable places to be covered in the presence of the child and should not regard the issue as an unprompted disturbance as it may happen in some family)
.
Most children at the stage of early childhood from four to six years reaches a stage where their sexual organs create pleasure after that; there comes the stage ofpotentiality
.
For this the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) have cautioned about the child sexual excitement in this stage and the best way to distanced him from direct seeing between the father and mother.From Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad (peace be upon him), he has said: "The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: By He whom my soul is in His Hand a child is not successful if a man covers his wife in a house where there is awaken child looking and hearing there speeches and breathings, if he is a boy, he will be an adulterer and if she is a girl, she will be an adulteress"
.
Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Don't have Sexual inter-course with your wife or your slave girl in a house where there is a kid because it causes fornication"
.
Child of this stage copy and imitates the conduct of their parents (he did what the parents does)
.
Hence (the preferred play before that action was that of the bride and bridegroom play)
.
Forthat
children will practice in their play what they witness from the parent's sexual activities and they may continue that in the next stage of their life.
It is compulsory on the parents to avert from that and from its introductions like kissing and others.
Among the immoderatemistakes
committing by some parents is discussion of sexual issues in some occasions before the children, which make the children to increase in their curiousness. It is then necessary to observe precaution when having sexual inter-course even in a situation where the child is sleeping to fear for his un-expected wakening because that creates impact deep inside him and remain unconsciously hidden.
It is upon the parent to supervise the conduct of their children and ways of their playing especially in their seclusion from one another. It is incumbent on the parents to protect the children from sexual excitement, that is to separate them from each other when they were sleeping by given distance between them, they should not sleep in one cover in which their body will be scratching one another. Many narrationshave been related
emphasizing this protection.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "You should separate between children in their beds for six years"
.
In another tradition from him (peace be upon him and his descendants) "separates between your children in their beds when they attain seven years of age"
.
The separation is general that is between male and male, between female and female and between male and female.
In our present period when there is circulation of cinema appliances, television and radio, the need to distance the child from sexual excitement is more severe.
It is incumbent on the parents especially in a country where they did not adopt Islamic system as their ways of life and exposed to exciting films to have additional struggles in supervising and protecting the children from watching this appliances fear from watching indecent films especially in the countries that view the best method of granting freedom to the children from future restraint is to expose them to sexual films.
It has been established by the psychologist and the educationist the authenticity of the Islamic perspectives
.
In this respect an American DR. Sapok says: (the proportion of prohibition made on us during childhood and those that we transfer to our children plays a positive role in liberating the child's intellect during the academic years for devotion, un subjectivity attentions like writing, reading and calculation.)
.
Consequently we see it that it censure the wrong practices in America, that is man and woman to undress in thesea-boards
.
In summary it is upon the parents to answer the children's questions regards sex with tranquil without rigorous and to distance them from its different types and colors especially in the era of cinema, video and television.
Ninethly: Emotional Development
Emotion is among the most important stimulant for action as previously discussed, emotion commence since the early days of breast feeding stage then gradually develop when the child advance in age. When his societal surroundingbroadens
it influences his emotional development with changes in the thought the child believe, in the limit of his mental perception. Whenever the child believe that executing certain duty pleased his parents or Allah the most High it will induce him to execute it, the reverse is authentic.Possibly
we divide emotion in four parts: Individual, social, exalted and ethical.
What we mean by individual emotion is the emotion that connect with ones personality like love for possession, love for independence, love of ascendancy over others, love for societal status and others to respect him. Theseare the emotions that
fetch him personal benefit.
Exalted emotion is the emotion that develops in child with the limit of his mental perception to the elevated exemplary, he will then love to connect with the ONLY, that is Allah the most High, the source of kindness, wealth, and mercy and blessing, he will also love good and reality and there is nothing like attaining personal benefit in it.
The Social emotion is the emotion that prompts one to have connection with the others starting from the parents, brothers and sisters, close relations uptill
the community and the whole human beings.
The ethical emotion is the emotion that has link with prohibited and none prohibited types of conduct, like the link with truthfulness, avoiding telling lies and other commendable acts and commendable morals.
The best ways and method of developing the child's emotion by the parents is to make him feel of love through encompassing him with sympathy, mercy and satisfying his spiritual and material needs. When the child feel all this, he will duly connect with the source of that love and sympathy which are the parents and that will result to his trust in them and also to continue to imitate them and he will accept or satisfy with what will put forward by them regards thought, concept and others.
The child will be prepared to answer their commandments and executes their requests.The parents will then has control over his emotion and will be able to focus him towards a good direction, they should be following his speeches and activities especially when he is playing, it will then complement their work on developing and purifying his emotion in a suitable form with the concept and sound personality and has created equilibrate types of emotion with him.
The most important emotion that is good to develop is the one towards Allah the most High. The feeling for lovewill be developed
in him and his trust in Allah and sanctification to Him.
At atime
he believes that Almighty Allah is the source of wealth, mercy and forgiveness, that He created ever lasting wealth in the Paradise for the Righteous and Obedient ones. It is compulsory upon the parents to develop the child's emotion towards the Messenger of Allah (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) and the other Messengers and Prophets and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them). The best way in this aspect is through narrating purposeful stories that will accomplish these two benefits.
Firstly: Deepings their love in his mind.
Secondly:
Struggle to let him join their conduct in life.
Different emotion will develop inside him like love for sincerity, love for braveness,honor
and sacrifice, love for sound conduct and personality. He will slay distance from all that they are distance from, and will develop the hatred, detestation and disinclined from those that contradict and stand against them and avoid their ways of life presently or in future to come.
Among the other method ofdeveloping
the child's emotion is their continuous focus and guidance till the child comprehends the permitted and non permitted conducts and again encouraging having connection and relation with sound actions and personality. He should encourage with good words when he gives out something out of his playing instrumentsto another child and to replace it for him
. Whenever he spokestruth or honor others or have mercy on the poor
or assist his brother or his parents by executing some work, should be encourage for that by laudation, praise and commendation before him, the family, his close relations and his friends.
Dealing with childrenlike
friends encourage him to express his repressed emotion and feelings, this expression is beneficial to establish equilibrate emotion and refine the unpleased emotion.
Throughexperience
we will find that narrative method as the best method of developing emotion especially the method that is suitable to his perception and mental ability.Possibly
we can narrate to him stories of birds and animals that possess good and bad fundamentals. It will develop the emotion with him towards justice or assistance or sacrifice or other fundamental ethics. The emotionwill be developed
by loving the oppressed ones and hating the oppressors.
Stories about birds and animals are desirable by the children of this stage; they will listen attentively with interest and more desire than the real stories that comprise of many occurrences base on the imagination of the parents while narrating the stories.
Tenthly: CareFor
The Orphans
An orphan feel
deprivation after loosing his father or mother or both of them. Deprivation of satisfying his emotion and spiritual needs, deprivation of satisfying his material needs like food, drinks and dresses, he will be befallen with obsessions and fears, predominated by anxiety and disturbance.
Feeling of deprivation from affection and kindness has its negative effect on the existence and building the personality of the child. Through the observation of the society reality we found that most orphans that didn't get assistance and care from others do personally disturbed and were befallen with tied psychology and negative agreement with the community that deprive him from assistance and care. For that Islam bequeath special guardianship of the orphans even more than otherchildren
. It emphasizes the satisfaction of all of their material and spiritual needs.
The specified verses of the Qur'an for the guardianship of the orphan are more than that of the general children.
Satisfaction of the orphan's material needs is the first needs that Islam laid emphasis on.
Allah the most High said: {And they feed the poor, the orphan and the prisoner, for the love for Him}
.
{.... And to feed in the day of hunger, to an orphan, near of kin}
.
{.... And give the wealth, for love of Him, to kinsfolk and to orphans and the needy ....}
.
Allah the most High makes the Right of the orphan in the Muslim's wealth. {And know that what ever ye take as spoil of war, Lo! a fifth there of is for Allah, and for the Messenger and for the kinsman (who hath need) and orphans and needy ....}
.
The most High said: {Say: that which ye spend for good (must go) to parents and near kindred and orphans and the needy ....}
.
The most High has forbade spending the orphan's wealth except in a best form which has benefits and profitable to him {And approach not the wealth of the orphan save that which is better, till he reach maturity}
.
The Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) said: "Who sustain an orphan till he is in no need, Allah will make it obligatory because of that to enter Paradise"
.
The prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever liable for the orphan enters him to his food and drinks, Allah will let him enters Paradise except he committed unforgivable sin"
.
The Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) said: "He was joining his fingers together and said: I and the guarantor of an orphan are like this in the Paradise"
.
Islamic system considered the satisfaction of the orphan's spiritual needs like doing well to him and equity with him. Allah the most High said: {and (remember) when we made a covenant with the children of Israel (saying): worship none save Allah (only), and be good to parents and to kindred and to orphans and the needy ....}
.
The most High said: {And that ye should deal justly with orphans .....}
.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The best house among the Muslims is the house having an orphan and they do good to him and the worst house among the Muslims is the house having an orphan and they do bad to him"
.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) Bequeath on humoring the orphan, kindness to him and honoring him. The Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) said: "Allah urges us to do good to the orphans for their detachment from their father, Allah will protect whoever protect them and Allah will honor whoever honored them. Whoever rub the orphan's head with his hand in kindness to him, Allah will build a mansion for him in the Paradise wider than this world and all that is in it equivalent to the numbers of hair his hand touches"
.
Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) encourage us to deal kindly and sympathize with the orphan and said: "There is no servant that rubs his hand on the head of an orphan in sympathy with him except Almighty Allah grant him Light on resurrection day equivalent to the number of his hair"
.
Among the protection of the orphan is to solve the problems facing him that can cause him pains,anxiety
and disturbance. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The Throne shakes for the cries of an orphan when he cries, Allah the most High will say: O' my Angels be my witness that I will pleased whoever make him to silent and I will pleased him"
.
From The Prophet (peacebe
upon him and his descendants) "If an orphan cries on the earth, Allah will say who makes my servant to weep while I have taken his father in to the soil?
To my Mighty and Majesty whoever pleased him even though with half word, I will put him in Paradise"
.
Among the recommendationregards
the orphan's affair is to make them happy by satisfying their material or their spiritual needs, from respect, love or praise, encouragement and others.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Verily there is a house in the Paradise known as House of happiness none will enter it except those who make the believing orphan to happy"
.
Giving good education to the orphan isamong
the care and protection to them and prepares him to be a good member of the community. The Commander of the Faithful Ali (peace be upon him) said: "Educate the orphan the way that you educate your child ...."
.
An orphan that obtain care, protection, love and kindness feels at rest, tranquil and leaves uprightly in his emotion and personality but in a state of deprivation he will not become upright and may take up by perverted ones and focus him to unrighteousness and will become a harmful member to the society.
Notes
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Author: Ismail Abdullah
