Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

From MTV to Mecca

Kristiane Backer uses her life story to tell the world about Islam. It is not every day that you hear of a former MTV presenter writing a book on Islam. «From MTV to Mecca: How Islam Inspired My Life» is a riveting account of how Kristiane Backer went from being one of the most recognized faces on MTV Europe to converting to Islam after meeting with Pakistani cricketing legend (now turned politician) lmran Khan.

« I wrote this book because I have been a victim of Islamophobia, » she tells Weekend Review.« The Islam I read about in the media on a daily basis is not the Islam I converted to and the Islam my teachers taught me. It is such a wide gap that I wrote the book to take people by the hand and show them how I discovered Islam and how I overcame these prejudices. I want to show the true values of lslam. »

Backer joined MTV Europe in 1989 as one of its first VJs. In the years that followed, her stardom rocketed as she presented shows such as« The Coca Cola Report » ,« European Top 20 » and« MTV at the Movies » . In 1992, alongside working for MTV, she also landed herself a youth show on German National television, Bravo TV.

Yet, even though she had everything a young person could dream of, Backer felt something was lacking. She was fed up of having to constantly perform - one show chasing the next - and then being home alone again.« I thought what I was missing was love for a man, » she says.« But then I realized that the inner void I’d felt could only be filled by Allah - not by a human being. Because people come and go - love happens, then it disappears again, and then what? Only one love is forever and eternal and that is the love for God. There came a point when I experienced a personal crisis. I was so stressed out from all the pressure that I was ready to go: ready to die, basically- I felt that depressed. As I was rushing to a show I was supposed to host in Belgium, I thought if the [aircraft] crashed it didn’t matter. Who cares? No joy here. Shortly after came a turning point in her life. In 1992, she met Imran Khan at a friend’s dinner, and they began to see each other frequently. Khan incidentally at that time was finding his own faith. He was reading a lot of books about Islam and enthusiastically started sharing everything with her. « I was somehow receptive to that because I had always had an interest in philosophy, ethics and religion in school, » she says.« He talked to me about God, our purpose in life, and a higher goal to look at. »

One of the books she read, which deeply influenced her, was« The Road to Mecca » , by Mohammad Asad, formerly a Jewish journalist who famously converted to Islam in Berlin in 1926 after travelling the Arabian lands.« He described the beautiful noble Arab soul so eloquently before the arrival of oil, » Backer says.« That was when he was there in the Arabian Peninsula, hanging out with the Bedouin. He describes beautifully how you could travel throughout the whole Arabia and never pay a penny as the people were so hospitable. He observes the striking contrast between the warmth of the Arabian people he encountered in the desert and the miserable and stressed passengers of the Berlin tube. When Asad came home, he opened The Quran and read, ‘You are obsessed by greed for more and more, until you go down to your graves’ and he thought this was the answer to what he had seen on the tube. » Backer’s own encounters with Muslims had some strange parallels to Asad’s.

Khan invited Backer to travel to the northern regions of Pakistan. Backer was impressed by the hospitality of the village people she met who were living with so little.

« We passed many poor people who had a light in their eyes, » she says.« When I returned I had an experience similar to Mohammad Asad’s. You realize people are miserable because they can’t get the latest Prada handbag that has sold out. Or they haven’t got the right VIP all-access pass. I was commuting between two worlds. I saw for myself the difference between attitudes. OK, I will give you an example. »

She recounts her experience on the flight back from Pakistan. Backer was sitting next to a Pakistani man, and they began chatting.« At the airport in London, a whole tribe was waiting for him, » she laughs,« And he noticed I was alone. So he suggested he and some of his family members take me home first. This delayed the family visit by an hour or so. Unbelievable, I didn’t even know these people. »

Shortly afterwards Backer went to Germany to participate in a major TV event.« The boss of my TV station asked my producers who were then driving back to the hotel if he could get a lift, » she says.« In the car, they debated among themselves briefly and concluded time is money - that would be a ten-minute detour, so no, they couldn’t give a lift. » But it wasn’t just these contrasting experiences which drew her to Islam. For Backer the attraction to the religion was on different levels.« I saw so many people on the team of Imran Khan’s cancer hospital, » she says.« They all donated their time, money, and effort just to help build this hospital for the people of Pakistan, where the poor would be treated free of charge. Pakistan never had a cancer hospital, or indeed a health - care system - it was sad. Imran built the first cancer hospital there with an army of volunteers, and I was really touched by that. When I travelled through the Karakorum Mountains, I saw very poor people who lived in little mud houses and slept above their animals so that the heat rose and kept them warm. It was heartbreaking - I’d never seen anything like it. Yet, what touched me was their generosity. When we got out of our jeep and visited the villages, the people offered us whatever they had - almonds, apricots, walnuts - with a ‘Bismillah’, ‘in the name of God’. »

However inspired she may have been by the simple Muslim people she encountered, her interest in Islam ended up costing Backer her job. In 1995, she was celebrating the 100th episode of her show on Bravo TV. One journalist had done his research really well and asked if she had already converted for her friend.« I said no, but that I was a Muslim at heart. I had still not converted at that time. This little remark practically ended my career. A negative media campaign followed. The press accused me of having lost the plot, presenting my youth show from behind the burqa or supporting terrorism. On top of all that, a week later, I lost my youth show. It all happened at the same time. Unbelievable. »

Prior to the press demonization, there hadn’t been any problems with Bravo TV.« What can I say? » she says.« The contract was just signed. Then they pretended the contract didn’t exist. It practically finished my career. »

Backer credits her faith for pulling her through all her professional difficulties.« I lost everything at the same time, » she says,« my job, my relationship. But I had gained my faith, the most precious gift of all. I was going to a certain mosque where there were a lot of spiritual people, Sufis. They helped me see these difficulties from a higher perspective and understand that there is some good even in suffering. If God loves you, He afflicts you, a Hadith says. And who experienced the most difficulties? The prophets. So I suppose anybody going through a difficult time is a good sign, God loves you. »

Backer believes there is a message in the book for people caught up in today’s materialistic lifestyle.« A lot of young people want MTV, entertainment, culture, » she says.« I had all that, and I can tell you it doesn’t bring lasting happiness. I would never want my old life back. That emptiness I felt before I converted is now filled with meaning. I have a focus, a purpose in my life, and that constant connection with God - an anchor in heaven. »

She also makes a distinction between religious practices and the culture, which people often mix up.« For a European, converting to Islam doesn’t mean wearing the abaya in London, » she says.« The abaya is a cultural custom. We can wear our modest European clothes, pray, give charity and abstain from alcohol - adhere to the principles but not necessarily take on other cultural traits. I don’t need to wear a shalwar kameez or an abaya, although I have a few of each and enjoy wearing them when suitable. But normally, in the West, I wear my European clothes. Basically I try to practice Islam with my European understanding of things. » Backer feels certain essential values which can be characterized as European, such as a respect for human rights and concern for the environment, are also Islamic values. Yet these are missing in a lot of Muslim - majority countries.« Mohammad Asad, in the last century, said you find a lot of Islam in Europe but few Muslims, yet you find a lot of Muslims in the East but very little true Islam, » she says.

Being a convert to Islam has its challenges, acknowledges Backer, particularly with regard to finding a like-minded social circle. Even more of a struggle for converts can be to locate a suitable marriage partner, as many are stuck between two worlds. Backer herself is divorced and finds life at times can get a bit lonely.« Muslims are so keen on converting people to Islam, » she says.« But I always say, what about the aftercare? That is when the real work starts. Don’t just think about converting someone and then leaving them to their own devices. I am fortunate to have developed a good network of friends in faith by now. Thank God. But how many Eids have I not celebrated because I am on my own? And every Eid it is the same, going to the mosque, and then it is business as usual for me, unfortunately. Unless I am really lucky and someone invites me, but it doesn’t always happen. »

However, she is not alone in this experience.« Often, on Eid, I end up having dinner with one convert friend who also doesn’t have a Muslim family, » she says.« And on Christmas, we are both not really welcome among our own families anymore because they think we have chosen something else. It’s the same in Ramadan. I don’t have anyone to share sahoor with in the morning or break my fast with - except of course when invited for iftar. A degree of isolation is a part of being a convert or reverts, although, of course, we are now always in the best company of all - God. And it is the faith that pulls us through any challenge, although I have heard of a number of new Muslims who gave up again because of a lack of support from the Muslim community. Only yesterday, I met a lady who was a practicing Muslim for ten years or so and then later became a Christian minister. »

Backer keeps busy with efforts to improve the public image of Islam in Britain. She was one of the names behind an« Inspired by [Prophet] Mohammad [PBUH] » campaign in London that aimed to present a positive message of the religion by displaying adverts at bus stops, tube stations, and cabs. Her picture was featured on the posters with the words,« I believe in protecting the environment, so did ([Prophet] Mohammad [PBUH]. » The campaign was positively received in the media. More recently, she was interviewed by the BBC to talk about the controversy surrounding the anti-Islam film« Innocence of Muslims » .

One of her concerns remains that a majority of people in the United Kingdom draw their knowledge about Islam from what the media tells them.« People don’t go into Islamic bookshops and buy books by Gai Eaton or other scholars, » she says,« They just read the Daily Mail or watch TV and then form their opinion on Islam. I believe it’s all about education. That is why I usually do all these interviews. When The Sun calls, a lot of people say, ‘Oh, I don’t want to speak to The Sun.’ I do it because even if I could just get a drop of the truth into that ocean it could have a ripple effect.

Brother Yahya: Best way to live and die

(Yahya) Donald W. Flood

The Qur’an: The Last Revelation

I comprehended that it was found imperative due to innovations attributed to Divine revelation that the need arose for another Prophet after Eesa (A.S.) with another revelation after the Gospel. This is why Allah sent Muhammad (P.B.U.H) with the last Message, (i.e., The Qur’an), to bring all of mankind back to the belief in and worship of One Allah, without partners or intermediaries. According to Muslims, The Holy Qur’an, the permanent ultimate source of guidance for mankind, offers a rational and historical elucidation of the magnificent role of Eesa (A.S.). The name Eesa (A.S.) is cited twenty-five times in The Qur’an, which contains a chapter called Maryam (Mary), named after the mother of Eesa (alaihissalam). Regarding the Divine authenticity of this revelation, I found the following Quranic verses very compelling:« And it was not [possible] for this Qur’an to be produced by other than Allah, but [it is] a confirmation of what was before it and a detailed explanation of the [former] Scripture, about which there is no doubt, from the Lord of the Worlds. » (10:37) and« And indeed, it is the truth of certainty. » (69:51) Similarly, I was concerned about the adulteration of The Qur’an since this was a major problem with the previous revelations. I read that The Qur’an will never change or be abrogated:« Indeed, it is We who sent down the message [i.e., the Qur’an], and indeed, We will be its guardian. » (15:9) I was also informed about some of the scientific phenomena mentioned in The Qur’an, which give credence to the belief that The Qur’an is the literal word of Allah. There are verses describing human embryonic development, mountains, the origin of the universe, the cerebrum, seas, deep seas, and internal waves and clouds. It is beyond explanation that anyone, more than fourteen hundred years ago, could have known the facts, which were found or confirmed recently by advanced mechanisms and sophisticated scientific procedures.

Islam: The Essence and Culmination of Revealed Religions

Muslims believe that the essential purpose for which mankind was created is the worship of Allah. As He said in The Qur’an,« And I did not create the jinn [i.e., a type of creation, created by Allah from fire] and mankind except to worship Me » (51:56) Related to this, a well known Islamic scholar from the West says,« The most complete system of worship available to humans today is the system found in the religion of Islam. The very name ‘Islam’ means ‘submission to the Will of Allah’. Although it is commonly referred to as ‘the third of the three monotheistic faiths, it is not a new religion at all. It is the religion brought by all the Prophets of Allah for humankind. Islam was the religion of Adam, Abraham, Moses and Jesus. » In addition he states,« Since there is only One Allah, and humankind is one species, the religion that Allah has ordained for humans is [essentially] one... Human spiritual and social needs are uniform, and human nature has not changed since the first man and woman were created.

Uncovering the fact that the message of Allah has always been the same, I realized it is the duty of all human beings to seek the truth and not just blindly accept the religion that their society or parents follow. According to The Qur’an, « You worship besides Him not except [mere] names you have named, you and your fathers, for which Allah has sent down no authority... » (12:40). RegardingFitrah [i.e., the inherent nature of man to worship Allah prior to the corruption of his nature by external influences], Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) said,« Every child is born on Al-Fitrah, and his parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity or Magianism. As an animal delivers a perfect baby animal, do you find it mutilated? » Furthermore, Allah says,« so direct your face [i.e., self] toward the religion, inclining toward truth. [Adhere to] the Fitrah of Allah upon which He has created [all] people. No change should there be in the creation of Allah. That is the correct religion, but most of the people do not know. » (30:30) Moreover, I learned there is no other religion acceptable to Allah besides Islam, as He clearly states in The Qur’an:« And whoever desires other than Islam as a religion, never will it be accepted from him, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers. » (3:85). I deduced that man might neglect the guidance of Allah and establish his own standards of living. Ultimately, however, he will discover it is only a mirage that deluded him.

A Traveler

As I continued to read The Qur’an and learn about the sayings and doings of Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H), I noticed Islam views man as a traveler in this life, and the ‘Home’ is in the next life for eternity. We are here for a short period, and we cannot take anything with us from this life except our belief in Allah and our deeds. Thus, man should be like a traveler who passes through the land and does not become attached to it. As travelers on this journey, we must understand that the meaning of being alive is to be tested. Hence, there is suffering, joy, pain, and elation. These tests of good and evil are intended to evoke our higher spiritual qualities. Yet, we are incapable of benefiting from these tests unless we do our best, have complete trust in Allah, and patiently accept what He has destined for us.

The Road to Paradise

It was very meaningful to learn about Paradise since this must certainly be the ultimate goal of every individual. Regarding this eternal home, Allah says,« And no soul knows what has been hidden for it of comfort for eyes [i.e., satisfaction] as a reward for what it used to do. » (32:17) I also became aware of a pleasure that is beyond all imagination, which is to be in the Presence of the Creator Himself. I wondered who the souls worthy of such a reward are. This reward of Paradise is too great to have a price. I was told the price is true faith, which is proven by obedience to Allah and following the Sunnah (way) of Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H). I grasped that mankind must worship Allah to attain righteousness and the spiritual status necessary to enter Paradise. This means human beings have to comprehend that worship is as indispensable as eating and breathing and not a favor they are doing for Allah. Likewise, I found out that we need to read The Qur’an to find out what kind of people Allah wants us to be and then try to become as such. This is the road to Paradise.

Overcoming an Obstacle

At this point, I felt about 80% sure I wanted to become a Muslim, but something was holding me back. I was concerned about the reaction of my family and friends if they knew that I had become a Muslim. Shortly thereafter, I expressed this concern to a Muslim who told me that on Judgment Day, no one will be able to help you, not your father, mother nor any of your friends. Therefore, if you believe Islam is the true religion, you should embrace it and live your life to please the One Who created you. Thus, it became very lucid to me that we are all in the same boat; every soul shall taste death, and then we’ll be liable for our particular belief in Allah and for our deeds.

A Meaningful Videotape

By this stage in my search for the truth, I was on the verge of embracing Islam. I watched an Islamic lecture on videotape about the purpose of life. The main theme of this lecture was that the purpose of life may be summed up in one word, i.e., Islam (peaceful submission to the Will of Allah). An additional point was that, unlike other religions or beliefs, the term ‘Islam’ is not associated with any particular person or place. Allah has named the religion in the following Quranic verse:« Indeed, the Religion in the sight of Allah is Islam... » (3:19) Anyone who embraces Islam is called Muslim regardless of that person’s race, sex or nationality. This is one of the reasons why Islam is a universal religion. Prior to my search for the truth, I had never seriously considered Islam as an option because of the constant negative portrayal of Muslims in the media. Similarly, it was disclosed in this videotape that although Islam is characterized by high moral standards, not all Muslims uphold these standards. I learned the same can be said about adherents of other religions. I finally understood that we cannot judge a religion by the actions of its followers alone, as I had done, because all humans are fallible. On that account, we should not judge Islam by the actions of its proponents, but by its revelation (The Holy Qur’an) and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H). The last point I picked up from this lecture concerned the importance of gratitude. Allah mentions in The Qur’an that we should be grateful for the fact that He created us:« And Allah has extracted you from the wombs of your mothers not knowing a thing, and He made for you hearing and vision and hearts [i.e., intellect] that perhaps you would be grateful. » (16:78) Allah Almighty has also cited gratitude along with belief and has made it clear that He gains nothing from punishing His people when they give thanks to Him and believe in Him. He says in The Qur’an,« What would Allah do with [i.e., gain from] your punishment if you are grateful and believe? » (4:147)

The Truth Unveils Itself

As soon as the videotape had finished, I experienced the truth being unveiled to my spirit. I felt a huge burden of sins flying off my back. Moreover, it felt like my soul was rising above the earth, refusing the makeshift delights of this world in favor of the eternal joys of the Hereafter. This experience, coupled with the long process of reasoning, solved the ‘purpose of life puzzle’. It revealed Islam as the truth, thereby replenishing my ‘spiritual landscape’ with belief, purpose, direction, and action. I, therefore, entered the gate of lslam by saying the declaration of faith required to become a Muslim: Ashhadu an la ilaha illa Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan Rasool Allah. (I bear witness that there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger). I was informed that this formal testimony confirms one’s belief in all the Prophets and Messengers of Allah, along with all of His Divine revelations in their original form, thereby updating and completing one’s religion to the last of the Prophets [Muhammad (P.B.U.H)] and to the final revelation of Allah [The Qur’an]. The following point became overwhelmingly clear to me: Had Eesa (A.S.) been the last Prophet of Allah and had the Gospel been the final book of revelation, I would have attested to that. As a result, I have naturally chosen to follow the final revelation from the Creator as exemplified by the Seal of the Prophets (P.B.U.H).

Impressions of a New Muslim

During my search to find the truth, the lesson, which, transcended all lessons, was that all objects of worship other than Allah are mere delusions. To anyone who sees this clearly, the only possible course is to bring one’s own will and actions into complete unison with that of Allah. Acquiescing to the Will of Allah has enabled me to feel peace with the Creator, with others, and finally, with myself. Consequently, I feel very grateful, that by the Mercy of Allah, I have been rescued from the depths of ignorance and have stepped into the light of truth. Islam, the true religion of all times, places, and peoples, is a complete code of life which guides man to fulfill the purpose of his existence on earth and prepares him for the Day when he will return to his Creator. Following this path in a devout manner enables one to gain the pleasure of Allah and be closer to Him amid the endless delights of Paradise while escaping from the punishment of Hellfire. Another bonus is that our present life will be much happier when we make such a choice.

A Deceptive Enjoyment

Embracing Islam has given me more of an insight into the illusive nature of this life. For instance, one basic object of Islam is the liberation of man. This is why a Muslim calls himself ‘Abdullah’, the slave or servant of Allah, because enslavement to Allah signifies liberation from all other forms of servitude, and although modern man may think that he is liberated, he is in fact a slave to his desires. He is generally deceived by this worldly life. He is ‘addicted’ to hoarding wealth, sex, violence, intoxicants, etc. But above all, he is often seduced by the capitalist system that tends to work through the invention of false needs, which he feels must be satisfied instantly. As Allah says in the Qur’an,« Have you seen the one who takes as his god his own desire? Then would you be responsible for him? Or do you think that most of them hear or reason? They are not except as cattle. Rather, they are [even] more astray in [their] way. » (25: 43-44) Correspondingly, we should not let our zeal to enjoy the pleasures of this fleeting life and jeopardize our opportunity to enjoy the ecstasy of Paradise. As Allah says in The Qur’an,« Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return [i.e. Paradise]. Say, « Shall I inform you of something better than that? For those who fear Allah will be in gardens in the presence of their Lord beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide eternally, and purified spouses and approval from Allah... » (3:14-15) Therefore, the real competition in this life is not the accumulation of wealth or the desire for fame; it is competing with one another to perform good deeds to please Allah, while having our lawful portion of enjoyment in this life.

The Right Path to Allah

There are many religious alternatives available to man, and it is up to him to choose the one he wishes to follow. He is like a merchant with many goods in front of him, and it is his choice which one to trade in. He will obviously select the one he thinks will be the most lucrative. However, the merchant is unsure and has no guarantee of prosperity; his product may have a market and he may make handsome returns, but he could just as easily lose all of his money. In contrast, the believer in the Oneness of Allah who submits to His Will (a Muslim), is completely sure that if he follows the path of guidance [the Qur’an and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H)], there will undoubtedly be success and reward waiting for him at the end of this path. Fortunately, this success also starts at the beginning of the path.

Epilogue

Based on my search for the truth, I concluded that the precise way we believe in Allah and the deeds we perform determine our future condition for eternity. Our Creator is giving us all an equal chance, regardless of our circumstances, to earn His pleasure in preparation for Judgment Day, as in the following Quranic verses:« And obey Allah and His Messenger that you may obtain mercy. And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden [i.e., Paradise] as wide as the Heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous. » (3:132-133) If we sincerely seek the truth of this life, which is Islam (peaceful submission to the Will (of Allah), Allah will guide us there, Insha Allah. He directs us to examine the life and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H), as he represents the best role model for mankind to follow. Furthermore, Allah directs us to investigate and ponder what He says in The Qur’an. One will see that The Qur’an is indeed like a persistent and strong knocking on a door, or loud shouts seeking to awaken those who are fast asleep because they are just completely absorbed by this life on earth. The knocks and shouts appear one after the other: Wake up! Look around you! Think! Reflect! Allah is there! There is planning, trial, accountability, reckoning, reward, severe punishment, and lasting bliss! Clearly and unequivocally, the best way to live and die in this world is as a righteous Muslim! When one comes to the conclusion that Islam is the truth, he should not delay in becoming a Muslim because he may die first, and then it will be too late; A few months after embracing Islam, I found two verses in The Qur’an that mirror what the American Muslim told me regarding how we should live and die:« And Ibrahim (alaihissalam) instructed his sons and [so did] Yaqoob (alaihissalam), [saying], O my sons! Indeed Allah has chosen for you this religion, so do not die except while you are Muslims. » (2:132) And O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims [in submission to Him].» (3:102).

I’m a new Muslim

Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

There is nothing easier than converting to Islam: The moment one really becomes aware personally that God is real and truly does exist and accepts that the Arab Muhammad (peace be upon him) really was the last Prophet of God as all the others named in the Bible, one has actually taken the first step.

This moment of dawning is called taqwa (God-consciousness), and ihsan - awareness. Suddenly you know that God can see you and knows you, even if you do not know or see Him.

The next step in becoming a Muslim is to make a clear statement of this moment of faith, to declareshahadah : ‘I bear witness’. Then follows the rest of your life.

Living as a Muslim

It is one thing to become a Muslim in the mind, but it’s quite another to enter into the lifestyle or to become part of the local Muslim community.

For many female converts, this involves a great deal of determination and confidence building. Not only do you have to face your own family and friends who think you have gone mad, but as a woman you have to find the courage to enter the mosque world, which may consist of scowling bearded men who will not speak to you.

If you’re a Muslim woman convert in those parts of the north of England where mosques are heavily Asian in character, you have to learn a lot about those Asian cultures, as well as about Islam.

Under the scowls you may meet shyness, gentleness, piety, genuine friendliness, hospitality, and generosity - but it is regarded as rude for a man to appear eager to talk to women or look at them with more than a mere glance.

And many mosques don’t yet have enough room for the women folk to pray there as well.

Gaining confidence

But we converts are gaining in confidence. We no longer feel we have to pretend to be Arabs or Pakistanis in order to belong.

We now know there are Muslims in every place in the world, from Eskimo to Aborigine.

We may take an Arabic name, or we may choose to keep our old names; it doesn’t really matter.

The ladies may opt for a costume that consists of loose trousers and long shirts or long skirts.

If we feel out of it at the local mosque because we don’t understand the language, we are beginning to get organized with house-mosques and groups of our own, where we can invite the Asians to be our guests.

Many kinds of Muslim, one family

We converts are beginning to have read enough and studied enough to voice our own opinions about things. We have become mature enough to realize that not every Muslim is a saint - people are people, and most of us are far from perfect.

We get over the disappointment of discovering that not every Muslim is living the Muslim way of life to perfection. It doesn’t make us give up or accuse them of hypocrisy; we just do our best to live our own lives in the best way we can.

Gradually each convert wakes up to the fact that there are many different styles of Muslim.

Some Muslims are spiritual while some are ritualistic.

But we converts increasingly feel we can take out place alongside the others in this vast Ummah or family, and so long as we are doing our best, Allah will reward our good intentions.

Jamie Bor: From a model to a Muslim Woman

Peace be upon you.

My name is Jamie.

I was born and raised as modern non-sectarian Christian. I did not find in Christianity answers to what I was searching for. For 31 years as a Christian, I did not once feel the existence of Allah. I tried my best, but I could not feel His existence at all.

I was a model in my country for five years. I had drugs during that stage. I used to have it as an assistant to lose weight. I wanted to take drugs only once to avoid overeating. I used to believe that I am strong, and I would be able to avoid addiction which turns everyone who takes it into an addict. I thought I will use it for two weeks, but I turned to an addict day and night. Drugs hurled me to the abyss and to absolute destruction. My husband used to take drugs too what caused him to be violent with me. I even was afraid on my life.

Then I decided to stop being a druggie for that was not the life I wanted. I told him I want to stop. He laughed and said:« You will not be able to. » I told him:« I will. » As such I stopped, and since that day I did not look backwards again. I did not have any program for rehabilitation, any external help, or support system. My husband used to laugh trying to make me refrain from my decision and return to drugs again. Later on, I delivered my small baby, and my total view of life changed completely. I loved that adorable small baby who needs a good mother. I loved him so very much. Thus I wanted to change everything I used to care for in the past for his sake.

In the past, I was able to do anything I wanted to do. I was part of Hollywood which everyone would wish to be a part of. I wasn’t that much a conservative person before converting to Islam. I was not a good person either. In the past, I used to drink, and I was an addict, but now I do not wish to do any of these things anymore.

I made a research about Islam for a period of time before converting into Islam. I wanted to know above all the reason that makes Muslims hated to this extent after watching the news and seeing the oppression and violence.

This pushed me to search for the truth and to know whether Islam was really as such. I started my search, and the more I searched, the deeper I reached until I found the truth.

Many people were stunned when I gave up all the previous pleasures to become a Muslim. And what is strange is that the moment I declared« shahadah » , I felt that I completely lost all the desire to do these things.

It is really wonderful to enjoy and feel peace in my heart because I am a Muslim.

I believe that the most important thing that made me admire Islam is its show of respect to women. Women are very much respected in Islam; however, our life as women is not easy. We have much to think of and to worry about such as our families, husbands, and children. Bringing up children is something not easy at all. That is in addition to the house chores, cooking, and looking after our husbands....

It is really a tough responsibility.

In fact, Islam respects women for these reasons. The reason for separating us from men in mosques is to avoid the distraction of men. Islam understands the power in our attraction and appearance that catch the attention of men. Islam respects this too. As soon as I understood this, the idea dominated me, and I wanted to become a Muslim. Converting into Islam made me feel different. It made me feel absolute peace. In the past, I used to feel unstable. Many things in my life were unstable. The reason was that I did not take any decision concerning them. I did not have any goal in my mind. I did not have any goal for my existence; however, converting to Islam gave me peace, serenity, and stability, and these were what I wanted in life. My Islam made things true to me and made me fit for them. At last, I had a goal for my life. Now I understand the goal for my life. We do not always have the chance to meet people whom we essentially need to understand them. That made me frequently visit the mosque to get closer to people and to understand them. The more I visited the mosque, the more women got around me, took care of me, and gave me the sympathy found in Islam.

I never in my life, not even once, thought that I would become a Muslim. My convictions about Muslims were very much fallacious. I used not to love them. I used to believe that they are bad, and I never thought - not even once in a million - that I will become one of them.

However, today I am proud and very happy. I want to wear thehijab so that people would know that I am a Muslim, and I would not care even if they would hate me. I want to make it clear to them that Allah exists in every person and not only in Middle Easterners.