Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

[SECTION 01]

1. TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT, a.k.a. PRESUPPOSITIONALIST (I)

(1) If reason exists then God exists.

(2) Reason exists.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

2. COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT, a.k.a. FIRST CAUSE ARGUMENT (I)

(1) If I say something must have a cause, it has a cause.

(2) I say the universe must have a cause.

(3) Therefore, the universe has a cause.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

3. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) I define God to be X.

(2) Since I can conceive of X, X must exist.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

4. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) I can conceive of a perfect God.

(2) One of the qualities of perfection is existence.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

5. MODAL ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

(1) God is either necessary or unnecessary.

(2) God is not unnecessary, therefore God must be necessary.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

6. ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN, a.k.a. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Check out the world/universe/giraffe. Isn't it complex?

(2) Only God could have made them so complex.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

7. ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Isn't that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?

(2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

8. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (I)

(1) My aunt had cancer.

(2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.

(3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn't have cancer.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

9. MORAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Person X, a well-known atheist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

10. MORAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.

(2) That all changed once I became religious.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

11. ARGUMENT FROM CREATION, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INCREDULITY (I)

(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.

(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

12. ARGUMENT FROM FEAR

(1) If there is no God then we're all going to not exist after we die.

(2) I'm afraid of that.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

13. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE

(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]

(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]

(3) Therefore, God exists.

14. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE

(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid atheists; it's too complicated for you to understand. God exists whether you like it or not.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

15. ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE

(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys — you're obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth." John 3:16.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

16. ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF

(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.

(2) I believe in God.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

17. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION, a.k.a. TOMAS DE TORQUEMADA'S ARGUMENT

(1) See this bonfire?

(2) Therefore, God exists.

18. PARENTAL ARGUMENT

(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

19. ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS

(1) Billions of people believe in God.

(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

20. ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY

(1) Maranathra!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

21. ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY

(1) God exists, you bastards!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

22. BOATWRIGHT'S ARGUMENT

(1) Ha ha ha.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

23. DORE'S ARGUMENT

(1) I forgot to take my meds.

(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!

(3) Therefore, God exists.

24. ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY

(1) Eric Clapton is God.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

25. ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY

(1) There is a website that successfully argues for the existence of God.

(2) Here is the URL.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

26. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY

(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!

(2) No one has ever refuted (1).

(3) Therefore, God exists.

27. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM

(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

28. MITCHELL'S ARGUMENT

(1) The Christian God exists.

(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the Christian God's existence are false and incomprehensible.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

29. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (I)

(1) Atheists are spiritually blind.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

30. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)

(1) God is love.

(2) Love is blind.

(3) Stevie Wonder is blind.

(4) Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

31. ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY

(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.

(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.

(3) I propose that God exists.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

32. ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS

(1) God exists.

(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than to try to convince you morons.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

33. ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS

(1) Fuck you.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

34. ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS

(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

35. SLATHER'S ARGUMENT

(1) My toaster is God.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

36. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION

(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.

(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

37. ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS

(1) If things had been different, then things would be different.

(2) That would be bad.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

38. ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL

(1) I DO believe in God! I DO believe in God! I do I do I do I DO believe in God!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

39. ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF

(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.

(2) This is just what Satan intended.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

40. ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE

(1) Person X died an atheist.

(2) He now realizes his mistake.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

41. ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

(1) God loves you.

(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

42. ARGUMENT FROM SACRIFICIAL BLACKMAIL

(1) Jesus died for your sins.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

43. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE

(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?

(2) That's how God's infinite wisdom reveals itself.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

44. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (I)

(1) The human spirit exists.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

45. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Check out this video segment.

(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

46. CALVIN'S ARGUMENT, a.k.a. TERTULLIAN'S ARGUMENT

(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.

(2) I rather like that idea.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

47. ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY

(1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

48. ARGUMENT FROM MASS PRODUCTION

(1) Barbie dolls were created.

(2) If Barbie dolls were created, then so were trees.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

49. ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM

(1) God is everywhere.

(2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

50. ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION

(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

51. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS, a.k.a. FIRST CAUSE ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Ask atheists what caused the Big Bang.

(2) Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.

(3) Continue process until the atheist admits he doesn't know the answer to one of your questions.

(4) You win!

(5) Therefore, God exists.

52. ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY (II)

(1) How could God NOT exist, you bozo?

(2) Therefore, God exists.

53. ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY

(1) The Bible is true.

(2) Therefore, the Bible is historical fact.

(3) The Bible says that God exists.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

54. ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION

(1) Proof of God's existence will be available when you rise bodily from your grave.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

55. ARGUMENT FROM BIOGENESIS

(1) Where did Adam come from, dummy?

(2) Therefore, God exists.

56. ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST FAITH

(1) A lot of really cool people believed in God their entire lives.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

57. ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS

(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.

(2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

58. ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION

(1) God exists.

(2) [Atheist's counterargument]

(3) Yes he does.

(4) [Atheist's counterargument]

(5) Yes he does!

(6) [Atheist's counterargument]

(7) YES HE DOES!!!

(8) [Atheist gives up and goes home.]

(9) Therefore, God exists.

59. ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION

(1) God is:

(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.

(b) The love of a mother for her child.

(c) That little still voice in your heart.

(d) Humankind's potential to overcome their difficulties.

(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.

(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

60. ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY

(1) We have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that atheists are laughable morons.

(1.5) Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own insecurities about theism — but there's no chance in hell we'll ever admit that.

(2) Therefore, atheists are laughable morons.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

61. ARGUMENT FROM SUPERIORITY

(1) If God does not exist, then I am an inferior being, since I am not "special" in a cosmic sense.

(2) But I am superior because I am a Christian.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

62. ARGUMENT FROM ABSOLUTE MORAL STANDARDS

(1) If there are absolute moral standards, then God exists.

(2) Atheists say that there are no absolute moral standards.

(3) But that's because they don't want to admit to being sinners.

(4) Therefore, there are absolute moral standards.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

63. ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY

(1) Atheists say that they don't need God.

(2) Which just goes to show that they need God.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

64. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (I)

(1) Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is impossible, or vastly improbable.

(2) But I must put on the appearance of being cool and intellectual in front of my Christian apologist peers.

(3) Therefore, I must pretend that (1) is false.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

65. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (II)

(1) Atheists say that God doesn't exist.

(2) But they only say that because they want to look cool and intellectual in front of their peers.

(3) They don't fool me!

(4) Therefore, God exists.

66. ARGUMENT FROM INDULGENCE

(1) Atheists like to think that they can control their emotional desires.

(2) But they're atheists, so they can't.

(3) Therefore, atheists feel the need to indulge in whatever they feel like without worrying about committing sin.

(4) This just goes to show how they need God in their lives.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

67. ARGUMENT FROM HATE

(1) Some atheists hate Christians and Christianity.

(2) That's why they don't believe in God.

(3) Pathetic, aren't they?

(4) Therefore, God exists.

68. ARGUMENT FROM DENIAL OF QUENTIN SMITH

(1) Quentin Smith says that God does not exist.

(2) But God does exist.

(3) Therefore, Quentin Smith cannot be accepted as an expert on the matter, because he is wrong.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

69. ARGUMENT FROM EVIL SPIRITS

(1) I've just had contact with evil spirits.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

70. KENT HOVIND'S ARGUMENT

(1) I don't want to work for a living.

(2) I don't want to pay taxes.

(3) I can get gullible fundamentalists to send me money.

(4) I can use religious exemption claims to tie the IRS up in court.

(5) The IRS can't send me to prison.

(6) Therefore, God exists.

71. ARGUMENT FROM KENT HOVIND'S CHALLENGE

(1) Kent Hovind offers $250,000 (which may or may not exist) to anyone who can demonstrate evolution (defined as a natural, acausal origin of the universe) to a reasonable doubt (meaning with 100% certainty, allowing for no other possibilities whatsoever) in front of a neutral committee (handpicked by Hovind himself) and according to certain criteria (carefully worded so as to rule out any possibility whatsoever of the challenge ever being met).

(2) No atheist has ever met this challenge.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

72. ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY

(1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity.

(2) Therefore, it must be true

(3) Therefore, God exists.

73. ARGUMENT FROM EXHAUSTION (abridged)

(1) Do you agree with the utterly trivial proposition X?

(2) Atheist: of course.

(3) How about the slightly modified proposition X'?

(4) Atheist: Um, no, not really.

(5) Good. Since we agree, how about Y? Is that true?

(6) Atheist: No! And I didn't agree with X'!

(7) With the truths of these clearly established, surely you agree that Z is true as well?

(8) Atheist: No. So far I have only agreed with X! Where is this going, anyway?

(9) I'm glad we all agree.....

....

(37) So now we have used propositions X, X', Y, Y', Z, Z', P, P', Q and Q' to arrive at the obviously valid point R. Agreed?

(38) Atheist: Like I said, so far I've only agreed with X. Where is this going?

....

(81) So we now conclude from this that propositions L'', L''' and J'' are true. Agreed?

(82) I HAVEN'T AGREED WITH ANYTHING YOU'VE SAID SINCE X! WHERE IS THIS GOING?

....

(177) ...and it follows that proposition HRV, SHQ'' and BTU' are all obviously valid. Agreed?

(178) [Atheist either faints from overwork or leaves in disgust.]

(179) Therefore, God exists.

74. MR. GOODSALT'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM GENERAL INQUIRY)

(1) Question for atheist population: [apparently random question]

(2) Your answer is wrong.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

75. PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM ORIGINALITY

(1) I have written the following to demonstrate the existence of God.

(2) [insert entire text of a William Lane Craig article]

(3) Therefore, God exists.

76. PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY

(1) You use lots of big words.

(2) Therefore, I cannot possibly be expected to understand your refutation of my position.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

77. PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE MEMORY

(1) [Christian asks "stumper" question.]

(2) [Atheist answers question.]

(3) [A lapse of time]

(4) [Christian repeats question.]

(5) [Atheist repeats answer.]

(6) [A lapse of time]

(7) [Christian repeats question.]

(8) [Atheist repeats answer.]

(9) [A lapse of time]

(10) [Atheist leaves in frustration.]

(11) Atheist, you never answered my question.

(12) Therefore, God exists.

78. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE ECONOMICS

(1) Protestant Christian nations are rich.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

79. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL SANITY

(1) I've had religious experiences that can't be explained unless I'm insane or God exists.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

80. ARGUMENT FROM INSTITUTIONAL LONGETIVITY

(1) The Roman Catholic Church has been around for a long time.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

81. ARGUMENT FROM INEVITABILITY

(1) I have proof that God exists.

(2) I won't bother to tell you what it is because, being atheists, you would be hostile to the conclusion anyway.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

82. ARGUMENT FROM "THE MATRIX"

(1) We cannot prove that we don't live in a Matrix-like world.

(2) Therefore we cannot know reality.

(3) If reality is contingent, then everything is possible.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

83. ARGUMENT FROM SUBJECTIVITY

(1) Everything is subjective.

(2) No subjective proof can be superior to any other subjective proof.

(3) Based upon my subjective opinion, your opinion, that if everything is subjective then, perforce, God is subjective, is false.

(4) Therefore, God (objectively) exists.

84. ARGUMENT FROM POSTMODERNISM

(1) I'm going to prove to you that God exists.

(2) [Insert any of the other arguments on this page in here.]

(3) [Atheist refutes argument.]

(4) I cannot prove there is a God any more than anyone of us can prove we really exist in a tangible world.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

85. META-PROOF

(1) This is a proof of God's existence.

(2) If the reader finishes reading this proof, the existence of God will be proven to him/her.

(3) If the existence of God is proven, then God exists.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

86. PROOF BY ANECDOTE

(1) God can be seen by those who believe in Him.

(2) If the God is seen, then He must exist.

(3) I have seen God.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

87. ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL HISTORY

(1) Many modern historians think that there probably was somebody named Jesus, maybe.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

88. BENDER’S ARGUMENT (I)

(1) One day, demons were tap-dancing on my roof. I prayed and they went away.

(2) Therefore, demons are really good dancers.

(3) Also, God exists.

89. BENDER’S ARGUMENT (II) (ARGUMENT FROM DAVID BLAINE)

(1) If David Blaine does real magic, then God exists.

(2) It looked real on his TV special.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

90. RANDMAN’S ARGUMENT

(1) This entry from the 1975 World Book Encyclopedia on evolution contains some errors that I claim to have already substantiated.

(2) Mr. Ph.D.-in-Evolutionary-Biology, this proves that evolution is an unsound scientific concept.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

91. ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (I), a.k.a. METACROCK'S ARGUMENT

(1) I have a large number of arguments for God.

(2) One of them is probably true.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

92. ARGUMENT FROM FORTUITOUS COINCIDENCE

(1) What are the odds of that happening?

(2) Pretty long, I’ll bet.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

93. ARGUMENT FROM MYSTERIOUS USE OF PREPOSITIONS

(1) It is impossible to disprove God with your puny human intellect unless you are above God.

(2) Are you higher than God?

(3) I’ll take that puzzled look on your face as a 'No.'

(4) Therefore, God (being the highest thing ever) exists.

94. ARGUMENT FROM TEEN CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT

(1) God is so totally awesome, dude, and if you would pretend that Creed and POD were good bands, you would realize that.

(2) Also, our youth group leader Skip once, like, cured a broken leg using only the power of the almighty Lord.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

95. ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TONGUES

(1) My friend here, once started spontaneously speaking some jibberish that sounded to me kind of like Russian.

(2) But neither he nor I know anything about Russian.

(3) The only explanation is God.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

96. ARGUMENT FROM EUROPEAN HISTORY

(1) Many prominent thinkers in pre-modern Europe believed in God.

(2) Let’s just forget about the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

97. ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN, a.k.a. PALEY'S ARGUMENT, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (III)

(1) If there is a designer, then God must exist.

(2) If I find a watch in a forest, there must be a designer.

(3) [Throws watch into forest.]

(4) Therefore, God exists.

98. ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN, a.k.a. GOD OF THE GAPS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (IV), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INCREDULITY (III)

(1) Isn't X amazing!

(2) I don't understand how X could be, without something else (that I don't really understand either) making or doing X.

(3) This something else must be God because I can't come up with a better explanation.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

99. ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSE

(1) God exists.

(2) [Atheist makes counterarguments.]

(3) You know what? I am offended.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

100. ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (I)

(1) God exists.

(2) [Atheist makes counterarguments.]

(3) You have my prayers.