Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

www.alhassanain.org/english

For a Better Future

200 questions and answers regarding the concerns of the youth, marriage and children

Author(s): Abdul Adheem al-Muhtadi al-Bahrani

Translator(s): Abdullah al-Shahin

Publisher(s): Ansariyan Publications - Qum

www.alhassanain.org/english

Notice:

This version is published on behalf of www.alhassanain.org/english

The composing errors are not corrected.

Table of Contents

About the Author 13

Dedication 14

I Begin Here 15

Notes 18

Part 1: What The Youth Need 19

Question no. 1: What qualities a good Muslim youth should have to be successful? 19

Question no. 2: How can I make use of my age and youth? 20

Question no. 3: How do I ask forgiveness for my sins? 21

Question no. 4: How should I deal with having a friend who I care about but who has bad behavior? 21

Question no. 5: How do I get rid of the habit of lying? 22

Question no. 6: Because of my illness I get distressed very easily. How can I be happy with my life? 22

Question no. 7: How do I reform my elder brother who commits major sins? 24

Question no. 8: How can I smile when I do not feel happy or delighted inside myself? 25

Question no. 9: How do I lead an active life? 25

Question no. 10: As a young man how do I achieve success to attain happiness? 26

Question no. 11: How do I cure my nightmares? 26

Question no. 12: How do I get my students to refrain from wearing unIslamic fashion & clothing? 27

Question no. 13: What field should I specialize in at the university in order to be useful for society? 28

Question no. 14: How do I cure myself from being mean? 28

Question no. 15: How do I bear the difficulties of life? 29

Question no. 16: How do I practice patience and control my anger? 29

Question no. 17: How can I become skilled by continuing higher studies, when my father asks me to work with him? 30

Question no. 18: I am a confused young man, as I do not know my aim in life. Please help 31

Question no. 19: How can we properly address the issue of illegal and harmful drugs? 33

Question no. 20: How can I help my father to be less materialistic? 34

Question no. 21: How does one make the best use of the time during one’s youth? 35

Question no. 22: How can I deal with family gatherings that include namahram relatives not observing hijab? 37

Question no. 23: How shall I deal with low self-esteem? 38

Question no. 24: How shall I help a friend who has psychological problems and suffers absentmindedness? 39

Question no. 25: How to defeat laziness 39

Question no. 26: How can I conquer my anger and stress? 40

Question no. 27: What should we do if our parents argue often? 40

Question no. 28: How can I get over issues of an unhappy childhood that involved abuse and divorce of my parents? 41

Question no. 29: How can I help a family member to be rightly guided? 42

Question no. 30: As a young girl, how do I avoid the mistakes in marital, family, and social relations? 43

Question no. 31: How do I help someone who values secular studies but not religion? 44

Question no. 32: How do I make myself to be content? 45

Question no. 33: How do I properly deal with losing my temper so that I neither abuse others nor make myself ill from swallowing my anger? 46

Question no. 34: How may we help someone who suffered a psychological trauma that caused him to withdraw? 47

Question no. 35: How can I abandon sins that are habitual for me, mend family relationships, and guide against fanaticism? 48

Question no. 36: After many hardships in life, I suffer from psychological problems and have thought of suicide at times. How can I get help? 49

Question no. 37: How can a young person suppress lust and the sins that come from it? 51

Question no. 38: How should we begin relationships with women and satisfy needs in the process of finding a spouse? 52

Question no. 39: What Islam says about masturbation? 54

Question no. 40: What is the solution for young people wanting to get married and avoid sin today in light of pressures to finish studies, get settled in jobs and pay very high costs for dowries and weddings? 55

Question no. 41: Is it lawful for a young unmarried couple thinking of marriage to exchange feelings by phone and letters and to spend time together in public places like parks if no touching is involved? 56

Question no. 42: I want to know what I should do to begin the process for marriage properly and avoid lustful sin while yet at a young age 57

Question no. 43: I cannot afford to get married, so please advise me on what to do to avoid lustful sins in a way that is actually practical and effective 58

Question no. 44: How can a young woman trying to be modest and religious properly handle temptations to sin like those often encountered at university? 59

Question no. 45: Two young people had relations before marriage, regret their sins, yet still want to marry even though it would be against the wishes of their families if they knew the truth about their relationship 63

Question no. 46: How should we reconcile the practical realities of being unable to marry early as Islam recommends but yet facing the challenges of sexual lust while unmarried? 63

Question no. 47: What is your advice about a young man who seduces women and deceives them then abandons them after getting what he wants? 64

Question no. 48: I want to get married, but I want you to advise me. How should I move to a life that I have not known before? 65

Question no. 49: How can I make reason defeat lust and avoid opportunities and temptations for sinning? 66

Question no. 50: A brother of mine ended up in a bad marriage. This has made me afraid of marriage. How can I overcome this fear and also avoid his fate? 67

Question no. 51: How do I talk to a friend about a bad quality and still keep his friendship? 68

Question no. 52: What do you have to say about modern girls being more sexually aggressive even outside of marriage? 70

Question no. 53: How can modern young women acquire and maintain good moral traits? 71

Question no. 54: What is the solution to stop quarrels and disrespect amongst siblings? 72

Question no. 55: How can I save myself from worry, distraction, absent-mindedness, and forgetfulness? 73

Question no. 56: My father is always angry with us at home, but he is very good with others elsewhere. How do you explain this duality? 74

Question no. 57: How should we address someone who is sharply critical of everyone? 75

Question no. 58: How can we address the modern epidemic of depression? 76

Question no. 59: Can faith be spread today in spite of the inundation of temptations? 78

Question no. 60: My mother has behaviors which lead to quarrels in her marriage that affect the whole family. What can we do? 80

Question no. 61: How can religious youth protect their faith? 81

Question no. 62: Why do people suffer and die from things like cancer? How can we handle the suffering and loss of a loved one? 83

Question no. 63: How can I handle severe unhappiness and desperation? 84

Question no. 64: What should we do about people who sleep too much? 85

Notes 86

Part 2: Husbands and Wives, Sharing lives and seeking Happiness 89

Question no. 65: What is the opinion of Islam about singing and dancing in wedding ceremonies? 89

Question no. 66: Can a man wear a gold wedding ring? 90

Question no. 67: What is the opinion of Islam about the period between the engagement and the wedding? 90

Question no. 68: I have psychological issues that threaten my marriage; how can I solve my problems? 91

Question no. 69: What is the solution to the trend of excessive dowries being demanded by parents of girls? 91

Question no. 70: Is it acceptable Islamically to set a high dowry to prevent divorce or ensure that if a divorce occurs the woman will be well-off? 92

Question no. 71: What does Islam say about the ideal age difference between a husband and wife? 94

Question no. 72: What are the qualities of an ideal father and an ideal mother? 96

Question no. 73: What is the role of motherhood in society and religion? 97

Question no. 74: How do I deal with an ungrateful and frequently absent husband? 99

Question no. 75: Should I ask my imprisoned husband to divorce me so I could marry another since we cannot be together and he cannot provide for our family? 99

Question no. 76: How can the poor overcome their financial problems? 100

Question no. 77: I want to divorce my wife due to her defects which I cannot bear, but I received threats from her family. What should I do? 101

Question no. 78: Should a man go against the wishes of his sick wife and marry another to satisfy his needs and desires? 102

Question no. 79: How can we solve the problem of poor relations with in-laws? 103

Question no. 80: What is the meaning of this verse “Men are the guardians of women”? Many men take it as an excuse to impose unjust control on their women 104

Question no. 81: If a person helps to arrange a marriage, is he/she responsible for problems that happen in the marriage? 105

Question no. 82: My husband shows no interest in discussing things with me or listening to me and it makes me very unhappy; what should I do? 106

Question no. 83: I feel my wife neglects me now that we have a child 106

Question no. 84: My wife used to be religious but became materialistic, so I tried to force her to correct her behavior and instead things only got worse; what should I do? 107

Question no. 85: What is the opinion of Islam about birth control? 108

Question no. 86: My in-laws are causing marital problems for me and my wife and she struggles to balance her relationship between me and them; how can we solve this problem? 109

Question no. 87: A neighbor couple is loud and garrulous, creating disturbance in the apartments we live in; what is the Islamic view of this behavior? 109

Question no. 88: My husband claims ineptitude at matters of home and child-rearing as an excuse for not helping me in any of these matters; how can I change his thinking? 110

Question no. 89: What causes insomnia and how is it treated? 111

Question no. 90: My husband is weak and uninvolved with household affairs; how can I get him to act as a proper head of household? 112

Question no. 91: How can one know if someone suffers insanity? 113

Question no. 92: How can I control my temper? 114

Question no. 93: I worry obsessively over failing in marriage, so much so that the worry itself could affect my marriage in a bad way; how can I solve my problem? 114

Question no. 94: What are the causes of adultery and how can they be avoided? 115

Question no. 95: How can we adopt a child Islamically? 117

Question no. 96: How should a young couple prepare for parenthood? 118

Question no. 97: I feel my daughter-in-law is lazy and disrespectful of me; what should I do? 119

Question no. 98: A great number of Muslim women suffer spinsterhood; what is the solution? 122

Question no. 99: Why do we find prevalence of sexual corruptions even among married people and otherwise religious people? 124

Question no. 100: Is it better for a man to propose to a woman or for a woman to propose to a man? 126

Question no. 101: If I have divorced, can my family prevent me from choosing a second spouse by myself? 127

Question no. 102: How should wedding ceremonies be conducted? 128

Question no. 103: How can a wife advise a husband without upsetting him and harming the family structure? 129

Question no. 104: How can I handle the issue of a wife whose temperament I do not like? 130

Question no. 105: My husband does not communicate with me and I sometimes doubt his feelings for me; what can I do? 130

Question no. 106: My husband and I are very poorly matched and have almost nothing in common and I am much more educated than he is; should we get divorced? 131

Question no. 107: My husband does not appreciate or help me in the excessive work I have to do to care for our home and seven children and this has caused me physical problems; what should I do? 132

Question no. 108: I suffer from forgetfulness and it upsets my wife; what should we do? 132

Question no. 109: How can my wife and I get past our poor match and our quarrels for the sake of our children? 132

Question no. 110: My husband’s family treats me badly because of my humble origins, even in front of guests and my husband does not defend me; what can I do? 134

Question no. 111: Love has waned in my marriage over time, how can I get it back? 134

Question no. 112: How can I overcome obstacles to achieve my ambitions? 135

Question no. 113: I feel that my life is disorderly and not in control and my wife and I have no energy to solve the problem and discipline our children; what can we do? 136

Question no. 114: I want to be a successful wife. With what would you advise me to achieve my goal? 137

Question no. 115: After a reversal of fortune, my husband became a bitter and difficult man and it is harming our whole family; what can we do? 138

Question no. 116: What is the cure for sexual impotence, and what are its causes? 139

Question no. 117: Is temporary marriage lawful or unlawful? If it is lawful, then why do people dislike it? And if it is unlawful, then why is it unlawful? 140

Question no. 118: Does Islam teach its followers the practical way of practicing sexual intercourse between spouses? 144

Question no. 119: How can Islam, by permitting polygamy, want to solve problems whereas we find more problems in polygamy? 145

Question no. 120: My husband hates me because he wants male children from me, but Allah gives me females. What is my guilt in this? Why are men so severe? 147

Question no. 121: I am sterile and there is no hope for a cure for me, I find this an injustice for me and my wife 148

Question no. 122: My wife is sick. In fact, she is handicapped, and I want to get married to another wife, but I am confused as to what the consequences of doing this will be 149

Question no. 123: My husband was handicapped after a traffic accident. How can I continue living with him until the last of my life while I am still young? 150

Question no. 124: How to deal with a spouse who has moral or psychological defects and is not willing or able to reform? 150

Question no. 125: What is the right behavior to adopt if one of the spouses is polite and high-minded but not religious and pays no attention to lawful or unlawful things, purity or impurity? 150

Question no. 126: Can you advise how a young woman married to a very old man should behave to observe his rights and explain what her rights are and what she should do when her husband passes? 151

Question no. 127: Due to marriage, I live far away from my home and family and even though my spouse and children are wonderful I need to know how to get over my constant heartache and longing for home and family 152

Question no. 128: Would you please show us the verdict of Islam towards the situations of the growing numbers of women who are divorcees, widows and spinsters? 153

Question no. 129: Could you give some instructions for what remains of the life of a spinster who regrets being unjust to herself by turning down many earlier proposals? 154

Question no. 130: A woman’s husband has died; should I not allow her temporary marriage with my husband to satisfy her needs? 155

Question no. 131: What would you say about a woman who went to the West and adopted unIslamic shameful behaviors? 156

Question no. 132: My wife follows a religious authority mujtahid different from what I chose, and now she asked me to follow the mujtahid she follows or to divorce her, what should I do? 157

Question no. 133: What would you say to the wife of a heavy smoker that feels unable to quit, while the house is made to stink and the wife and children, as well as he, are at great risk for health problems and death due to the smoking? 162

Question no. 134: Is it wrong to reveal to my daughter, upon her request, the sins of her mother that led to our divorce? 164

Question no. 135: What is the Islamic view regarding belief in magic and paying attention to it? 165

Question no. 136: My husband has always openly said that he does not love me and stays with me only for our children and now I do not love him anymore and am very unhappy; what should I do? 166

Question no. 137: I would like to build my family on sound bases according to Islamic teachings. What is the guiding principle to achieve this goal? 168

Question no. 138: How can we create tranquility and quiet time in our family life? 169

Question no. 139: My wife and I love each other but we often quarrel and we do not know how to solve our problem 171

Question no. 140: My wife does not visit friends and family because she wants to take presents but they are beyond my means; what do you suggest? 172

Notes 173

Part 3: Children are Tomorrow’s Adults 176

Question no. 141: What are practical methods for raising upright children? 176

Question no. 142: What is the best way to raise children and teenagers: closely watching and managing their affairs, or trusting them and giving them freedom? 176

Question no. 143: Would you please do us a favor by showing the stages of the cultural growth of children in the light of the Islamic view? 178

Question no. 144: Please explain the Islamic philosophy of education so that I may compare it to modern theories of education 180

Question no. 145: We are exhausted in trying to raise upright children in light of all the challenges today; what should we do? 180

Question no. 146: How is the personality of a child formed? 182

Question no. 147: From where do children receive their culture? 182

Question no. 148: What is your opinion about the plays of children and with what do you advise parents to play with their children? 183

Question no. 149: I would like to know the motives for my child’s acting nervous and violent 184

Question no. 150: What should I do if I have a teenager who neglects prayers and is not interested in hijab? 184

Question no. 151: How should I deal with my children being constantly quarrelsome with each other? 185

Question no. 152: What should we do to make a child give up playing with others’ things? 185

Question no. 153: My wife and I differ in ideas of child rearing and she acts contrary to my wishes in child rearing; what can I do? 186

Question no. 154: I feel I treat my children unequally and love some more than others: What is the solution to this problem? 187

Question no. 155: How can I make my child more serious in his study? 187

Question no. 156: Why do my children not respect me? 188

Question no. 157: What is the influence of television and computer games on our children? 189

Question no. 158: How can I make my son leave bad friends? 190

Question no. 159: How do I teach my child to keep in order his toys and stuff? 190

Question no. 160: When my son became a teenager, he became disrespectful; why has this happened? 191

Question no. 161: How can we teach children not to be envious? 191

Question no. 162: What are the causes of envy among children and what are the solutions? 192

Question no. 163: My son is lazy and does not like his lessons. How should I deal with him? 193

Question no. 164: Would you please explain to me the most important bases of education? 193

Question no. 165: What do you think about beating children? 194

Question no. 166: I feel ashamed about my child’s bad behavior; what can I do? 194

Question no. 167: I need advice on how to manage my children given their own unique characteristics and ambitions 196

Question no. 168: How can I sow the love of religion in my children so that they will adhere to it up to the last moment of their lives? 197

Question no. 169: Is it lawful to kill one’s daughter that left the house and became a prostitute? 198

Question no. 170: How do we cure drug addiction and how do we deal with the many problems caused by it? 199

Question no. 171: Would you please advise me as to how to deal with my children when they make mistakes? 199

Question no. 172: Would you please guide me as to what are the most important manners I need in educating my children? 200

Question no. 173: Would you please give us a summary of the Islamic opinion about education? 200

Question no. 174: How can I make my children love reading so that books and knowledge can be an important part of their interests in life? 202

Question no. 175: How do I deal with my teenager having unIslamic behaviors and interests? 202

Question no. 176: I feel my teenaged son is argumentative; what do I do? 203

Question no. 177: I have wicked sons who cause problems for neighbors and passers-by; what can I do as their father? 204

Question no. 178: How can I solve my child’s habit of lying? 204

Question no. 179: Whenever my child commits a mistake, I beat him but this method is not working, what should I do? 205

Question no. 180: Please explain about the harms of dealing with children severely and beating them 206

Question no. 181: My son is almost an adult and I worry about him getting into sinful behaviors such as relations with girls; what should I do? 206

Question no. 182: What is the cause of children being disrespectful and disobedient? 207

Question no. 183: How should I train my toddler in eating by himself? 208

Question no. 184: Could you please give me some educational recommendations for my seven-year-old son? 209

Question no. 185: Could you please list the main point of Islamic education for the younger generations? 209

Question no. 186: What are the concerns about putting children in day care or in the care of non muslim-maids and schools in order for both parents to work? 210

Question no. 187: Why my daughter chews her nails and is often absent-minded? 212

Question no. 188: How should we address concerns about globalization of Western culture, television and Internet? 213

Question no. 189: What is the best way to teach adolescents so that they will follow good advice? 214

Question no. 190: How can we face the mutinous conduct of juveniles and prevent them from making friends with deviants outside the house? 215

Question no. 191: How should we deal with a son who was once religious but left religion? 216

Question no. 192: What are the most important education fallacies we live with due to the effects of foreign cultures? 216

Question no. 193: Would you please show me the causes of the good and bad phenomena I find in children? 218

Question no. 194: How can I come to accept the changing relationship with my daughter as she has become an adult? 218

Question no. 195: My husband makes many promises to our children that he does not fulfill; how can I deal with this problem? 220

Question no. 196: How should I deal with my toddler who asks incessant questions? 220

Question no. 197: My teenaged son keeps a very messy room, what can I do to break him of this bad habit? 221

Question no. 198: My son monopolizes the telephone and spends too much money on phone calls; what can I do? 223

Question no. 199: Is it acceptable to let our children be educated by the media, schools and streets? 223

Question no. 200: My children have bad eating habits; how can I fix this problem? 224

Notes 224

Supplication 226

His supplication for his parents 226

His supplication for his children 227

About the Author

He emigrated from Bahrain in 1974 AD to the Hawza of Holy Najaf to study the religious sciences while he was thirteen years old. He learned at the hand of the great Ulama’, the teachers of the Hawza and the famous religious authorities who gave him their legal trust, permission, and authority.

He traveled to carry out Islamic missionary tasks in Kenya, India, Syria, some Arab countries in the Gulf area, Spain, Denmark, Sweden, and England. He propagated Islam through orations, writings, and teachings. He had many Islamic activities and important experiments in this field, which he has referred to in his books that have been available in Islamic libraries since 1978 AD.

Here are some of his books:

• Haqa’iq lil-Ta’ammul; facts for meditation,

• Al-Husayn, Madrasat al-Ajyal; al-Husayn, the school of generations,

• Risalat at-Ta’aluf wel Ukhuwwa; the mission of cordiality and brotherhood,

• al-Ilm wel Ulama’’ fil Kitab wes Sunna; knowledge and the Ulama’ in the Book and the Sunna,

• Ahkamuk fil Bilad al-Ajnabiyya; your verdicts in the foreign countries,

• Ulama’’ al-Bahrain, Duroos wa Ibar; the Ulama’ of Bahrain, lessons and examples,

• Moujaz fi as-Safar wez-Ziyara; a summary on travel and visit,

• Hatta Tahya al-Muqaddasat; in order that sacreds revive

• Muthakkarat ash-Sheikh Buhlool; the memories of Sheikh Buhlool,

• Ayatullah al-Ha’iry, al-Muhajir fi Sabeelillah; Ayatullah al-Ha’iry, the emigrant for the sake of Allah,

• Arba’oon Hadithan; forty traditions,

• Ithnata Ashrata Aynan; twelve springs,

• Falah az-Za’ireen; the success of the visitors,

• Qisas wa Khawatir min Akhlaqiyyat Ulama’ ad-Deen; stories and memories from the moralities of the clergymen,

• Hiwar bayna al-Hajj wash-Shabab; a dialogue between the hajji and the youth,

• Kalimaat min Noor; words of light,

• Mi’raj as-Sa’imeen; the ascent of the fasters,

• Min Akhlaq al-imam al-Husay; from the morals of Imam Husayn,

• and this book, li Mustaqbalin Afdhal; for a better future),

besides some other books that are being published.

The author has followed in his writings the manner of inviting to the Islamic unity, avoiding disagreements and narrow-mindedness, and caring greatly for the moral education. Therefore, his writings are full of advice and sermons in a mild and moderate style.

Dedication

I present this humble effort to my father and mother, who brought me up when I was little, gave me a good name, taught me writing and religious principles, and married me as soon as I became an adult. They have completed their duties towards me; in fact, they have done to me more than I deserved.

I pray to Allah the Almighty to make me successful in achieving my duties towards them as long as I live and to gather me with them in Paradise near Prophet Muhammad (S) and his pure progeny (a.s.).

I hope with this dedication to give a reward to the soul of my dear father and to be dutiful to my dear mother (May Allah keep her safe and sound).

O Allah, accept my effort and guide my children to do better than I have done!