Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

Ill-Nature

The Value of Friendship

Love is a natural human feeling. It is for this reason we see every man is attracted by an internal power to other members of his kind. Thus, this instinctive need must be fulfilled and every one must establish brotherly relations with certain individuals or groupsso as to benefit socially from such relations.

Love is the foundation of security and comfort. It is the most enjoyable spiritualneed which develops with time. There isnot amore valuable thing in this world than love.

The pain and suffering which result from losing a beloved one are most disastrous to man; spirits need other spirits for refuge or we would become torn in the hands of insecurity and anxiety, thus, becoming the victims of our own world’s oppression.

A certain scholarwas quoted as saying in this regard,“The secret to happiness is to maintain brotherly relations with our world, instead of creating chaos. Those who cannot love their ownkind, cannot live an anxiety-free and secure life.”

Theties which best bring the various elements of a society to each other are those which are built on true feelings and real love.Harmony which exists between two souls is what makes them unit in the worlds of love and unity. It is from here that the basis of eternal happiness stems. Yet, in order for such happiness to survive, one must set differences aside and compromise with others on some of theissues which they rightly reject.

The most valuable friendships arethose which are not built on personal interests but are twin with the feeling of brotherhood and are able to satisfy the human soul which needs love and comfort. A person who presents himself as a faithful friend should not allow any factor to shake his feelings towards that friend; infact he should endeavor to remove the calamities and pains which befall his friend’s heart, and demonstrate to him the gardens of hopes and comfort.

Those who ask for the love of others should have the ability to give them the same prior to living in the shadow of their emotions. According to one scholar,“Our lives are like a mountainous area, whenever one makes a sound he hears the echo coming back at him; those whose hearts are full of love for others will experience the same from them.

It is true that it is our material life thatis built on exchange. We do not wish to say the spiritual lifeis built on the same basis, but how is it possible to expect faithfulness from others without being faithful to them? And how can one ask for love from others without loving them first?”

Interacting with others can be very harmful if itis not built on love and honesty from both sides.

If the nightmare of hypocrisy overtakes the hearts and lives of men; if flattery replaces honesty and friendship, harmony and sympathy will be weakened and the spirit of cooperation will be stolen from the society.

Undoubtedly, many of us have met others in society in whose hearts lay no real love or emotions; they conceal their real selves behind the cover of love.But frequently we are able to reach beyond that cover to their realities and actual feelings, and as a result, our relationship with them results in the destruction of their masks.

Indeed one of the prerequisites of happiness and an effective method of spiritual development is real friendship with righteous people. This is because personal thoughts develop under the shadow of such relationships, wherein the spirit rises to levels of piety and excellent traits.

Therefore, it is essentialto carefully examine individuals to be taken as friends. It is an unforgivable error to establish friendships with any one whose honesty and purityare not verified - because man was created susceptible to the characteristics of others through his interactions with them. Negative relationships are a threat to the happiness of humanity.

Ill-Natured Individuals are Resentful

Certain characteristics and unwanted habits weaken the ties of love and sometimes result in breaking up excellent relationships. Hot-tempered individuals, who are unable to keep the love of others, erect an indestructible wall between them and society, which prevents them from realizing the light of love.

Ill nature, therefore, destroys the basis of happiness and devalues man’s character. It is indisputable that bad manners keep people away from each other, for man suffers from the treatment of those whom he resents or cannot relateto . Thus, bad manners force people to give up many abilities, which could be very useful in the path of their advancement in life had they beenwell-mannered .

It is necessary for one who wishes to interact in his societyto first realize the art of interaction, and after becoming familiar with it, put it to use according to the acceptable social rules. Without this process, a person cannot live in harmony with his society, nor can interpersonal conduct move towards perfection in such a society.

Good conduct, therefore, is the main basis of happiness between people. It is also an important factor in bettering individual personalities. In fact, good conduct allows man to make use of his abilities and become effective on the general level of managing society. There is not another characteristic equal to good conduct in attracting the love and affection of others and reducing thepains which maybe faced in life.

Those who enjoy such good traits do not manifest their sad sides to others, hence preventing them from reaching beyond their privacy. Such individuals struggle to create a rainbow of happiness and affection around themselves to make those who interact with them, forget their own miseries by giving them a sense of security. They also present their own security despite any troubles they may have, thus, increasing the chances of their success and victory.

Good manners are a strong element in securing success for many individuals.Needless to say, the success of commercial establishments is directly related to the good conduct of its employees.

A manager of a company who enjoys good manners is usually active and attracts many vital connections tohimself . In conclusion, good manners are the secret behindbeing accepted by others. People cannot bear with ill-natured people regardless of their positions. A personal survey would reveal the reasons behind the inclinations towards certain individuals over others.

A western scholar recorded the following regarding his experience in this field:

“One day I decided to conduct an experiment on how my attentiveness and cheerful face affected my life. Prior to that dayI was sad and depressed; on that morning I left the house with the intention of being cheerful.I thought to myself.I have noticed many times that other’s attentiveness and cheerful faces give me strength.

I wanted to discover if I, myself, could be influential to others in the same way.I repeated to myself while on my way to work, my resolution to be attentive and have a cheerful face; I even convinced myself that I was a very lucky man. As aresult I felt a sense of comfort overtake my body.I felt as if I was flying.I looked at my surroundings with a wide smile on my face; yet I still saw many faces around me on which the features of sadness were apparent.

My heart burnt for these people and I wished I could grant them some of the light from my heart.

“That morning I entered my office and greeted the accountant in a manner that hewas not used to. Prior tothis I rarely smiled and never greeted him like this even if my life was on the line. The accountant could not help but greetme with warmth and great affection. At thatmoment I felt that my happiness had truly affected him.

“The president of the company where I work is the kind of man who never lifts his head to talk to others, he is very unpleasant. On thatday he harshly reprehended me, more that day than on any other day. I would not have put up with it; yet, because of my decision not to let any incident bother me, I answered him in such a manner that made some of the wrinkles on his face disappear.

This was the second incident that day. Later on thatday Iendeavoured to keep my attentiveness and cheerfulness and pass them on to my co-workers.

“As such, I was able to practice this method with my family which resulted in positive consequences. As a result,I discovered that I could be active, happy and make others around me feel the same way.

This is possible for you too. Meet people with this attitude, have a cheerful face and the flowers of happiness will bloom in your life, as roses bloom in the spring-time, and you will gain many friends who will bring peace and tranquility to you eternally.”

No one denies the great effect of this characteristic on softening the hearts of the enemies. Respect and good manners also play an important role in convincing one’s opponents of the adherence to ideologies.

Another western writer said in this regard,“All gates are opened towards him whose face is cheerful and who enjoys good manners; while the ill-natured individuals have to knock down doors to open them just like gangsters. The best of matters are those related to kindness,good-manners and cheerfulness.”

Moreover, I would like to add that good manners necessitate happiness and lead good-natured individuals to perfection, but only if such manners and traits stem deep from one’s heart far from hypocrisy and pretense.

In other words, the feeling of love must be a manifestation of what is in the heart. The outside appearance is not necessarily a reflection of whatis hidden in the hearts of men. It is possible that some of the good traits of an individual contradict his disturbed and misguided heart. Many are the devils that dress themselves in the garments of angels, hence concealing their fearful faces under a curtain of beauty.

The Prophet of Islam, the Perfect Exemplar

We all know that one of the most important factors of Islam’s advancement was the perfect conduct of tile Prophet (S). This factis stated in the Holy Qur’an where Allah, the Almighty, says:

“And had you been rough, hard hearted they would certainly have dispersed from around you.” (Qur’an 3:158).

The Prophet of Allah (S) treated all people equally. His deep and indescribable love for humanitywas perfectly manifested in his angelic being. He attended to all Muslims’ needs equally.

“And the Messenger of Allah (S) divided his moments between his companions: he would attend to this and attend to that equally.” 1

He (S) also condemned ill nature; he (S) repeatedly said:“Ill nature is evil and the worst of you are those who are ill-natured.” 2

And he (S) also said:“O sons of AbdulMuttalib , surely you will not (he able to) satisfy people with your money, therefore meet them with cheerful faces and joyful conduct.” 3

Anas ibn Malik , the Prophet’s servant, used to say when he remembered his (the Prophets) excellent traits:“I have served the Prophet (S) for ten years; during this time he has never said ‘woe’ (as if complaining) to me, regardless of what I did or did not do.” 4

Furthermore, good conduct and cheerfulness arefactors which prolong life. Imam as-Sadiq (a.s .) said in this regard:“Kindness and good manners make land flourish and prolong lives.” 5

Dr. Sanderson has written this on the subject:

“Kindness is an important factor in treating and preventing Illnesses. Most medications result in unwanted side - effects along with a temporary cure, while kindness causes everlasting cures to all parts of the body (...) kindness moves all powers of the body. Blood circulation in those who enjoy good manners is excellent, and their breathing is better...” 6

There is a beautiful point in Imam as-Sadiq’s (a.s .) statement. He (a.s .) says there is a direct relationship between kindness and good manners and stated that they are among the factors which prolong life. The reason behind this is that kind people enjoy a sense of happiness and satisfaction, thus, both kindness and good manners have the same desired effects.

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s .) also considered these traits elements for achieving happiness when he said:

“Part of man’s happiness is his good manners”. 7

Samuel Smiles added on the same topic:

“Good manners and emotional balance have their effects on man’s development and happiness just like other powers and Instincts do. As a matter of fact, individual’s happiness is greatly related to their affections and good manners.” 8

In addition, good manners make life easier and increase subsistence and harmony, Imam ‘Ali (a.s .) said:“Good manners bestow subsistence lavishly and make friends (more) intimate.” 9

S.Marden wrote the following in his book:

“I know a restaurant manager who became very wealthy and popular because of his good conduct.I learned that travelers and tourists traveled long distances to reach his restaurant; they did so because in this restaurant they liked the privacy and the pleasant atmosphere. When the customers are at the restaurant, the said manager cheerfully greets them in a manner that is not duplicated anywhere.

In fact, in this restaurant they do not experience the cold nuisance complaints that you find in other restaurants. In thisrestaurant the employees try to show affection and build friendly relationships with the customers, instead of the usual seller - buyer relationships.

The employees smile a lot and give special attention to serving their customers, this attention stems from love and affection for their guests. The employees establish such relationships with their guests that the guests not only feel that they should come back but also bring their friends. It is clear how effective this method is in attracting new customers”

Headded: “Good Manners have not played a more important role throughout history than at this time. They have become the capital of those who wish to bring happiness and success to their lives” .10

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s .) included cheerfulness among the signs of man’s ability to reason. He said:

“Those who have the most perfect reasoning amongst people are those who have the best manners” .11

Samuel Smiles says:

“History shows us that the greatest geniuses were happy and Optimistic men, for they realized the real meaning of life and tried to manifest their reason in their flesh. When one reflects on their achievements, he can clearly notice their healthy souls and thinking and their kindness and enthusiasmThe greatest souls and most intelligent people all enjoy cheerful faces and happiness. Their manners were examples for those who adhered to them and were influenced by their conduct, hence they followed the light of’ their kindness and natural happiness” 12

The Honorable Messenger (S) said:

“The most important traits which will lead my nation to Paradise are fear of Allah and good manners” 13

Consequently it is incumbent upon him whose leader is reason and who desires to lead an honorable life to achieve this priceless spiritual capital, good manners. In order to eradicate an unwanted characteristic, man needs earnest desire to reach his goal. A glance at the disadvantages that bad manners leave provides an incentive to lead him into struggling to eradicate such manners.

Notes

1.Rawdah al-Kafi .p.268.

2.Nahj a1-Fasahah, p.371.

3.Wasa’il ash-Shia v.2, p. 222.

4.Fada’il al-Khamsah , v.1. p. 119.

5.Wasa’il ash-Shia , v.2, p. 221.

6.Pirozi Fikr .

7.Musadrak al-Wasa’il , v.2, p.83.

8.Akhlaq .

9.Ghurar al-Hikam p. 279

10.Khish tanSazi

11.Wasa’il ash-Shiah , v.2 , p. 221.

12.Akhlaq .

13.Wasa’il ash-Shiah , v.2 , p. 221.

Optimism

Trust and Peace of Mind

Man needs stability more than any other thing in his unstable life. Those who engage themselves struggling to achieve goals without being equipped with the weapon of stability face failure anddefeat . In fact, as one’s responsibilities increase, his need for stability and assurance also increases. In light of this fact, it becomes the duty of everyone to learn how to avoid anxiety and revert to stability and assurance.

Struggling to acquire wealth, power, fame, and other material gains is not but falsehood. Efforts made in this path will go to waste, because man’s happiness lies in his own soul, just as the spring of misery lies deep in the heart. Medicine, according to Imam ‘Ali, the Prince of the Faithful (a.s .), is within man’s own soul, so we cannot find in outside influences the same effect that lies within the powerful resources of the human soul. Because outside influences are temporary, it is impossible that they would lead man to complete satisfaction.

Apictatus says: “We must let people know that cannot find happiness and good luck in places they randomly search for themselves. Real happiness does not lie in power and ability. BothMirad andAgluis were miserable people despite the great power they had.

Likewise, happiness does not lie in wealth and large amounts of money. Croesus, for example, was not happy even though he had vast wealth and treasures. Happiness also cannot be achieved by governmental powernor by political chokes.

The RomanCeasers were unhappy despite their great power. Actually, happinesscan not be achieved by acquiring the above mentioned gains together. Nero,Sandnapal andAghamnin were known for their continuous weeping because they were like toys in the hands of misfortune.

Yet they had all the benefits of wealth,power and fame. Therefore, man has to search for the means of real happiness in his own soul and conscience.”

We must admit that the solution for many unsolved questions innature, and the rapid increase in machinery are not enough to bring about a worry free life. This new machinery isnot only unable to reduce the amount of suffering in the world, but has also brought with it many new problems and uncertainties.

Therefore, in order to free ourselves from the continuous sufferings of life and go beyond the blackclouds which darken our souls, we urgently need rightly guided minds. The mind can secure human happiness the same way it was able to bring aboutmany advancements in our material living. It is here that the power of thinkingbecomes clearly manifested and shows its astonishing influence on man’s life.

Clear mindedness is a fluent spring which advance man to a more excellent degree than material gains can by introducing him to a vast new world. Righteous thinking prevents clever individuals from becoming toys in the hands of money. Those whose thinking abilities grow to become the center of their existence can steadfastly stand in the way of infliction when it befalls them, by adopting a positive outlook.

In order to safeguard ourselves from being victims of various events, and to protect ourselves from the waves of negligence and exaggeration we must establish a scale of thinking for ourselves by which we can judge our behavior and conduct; hence guiding our souls to correct thinking that may equip us with spiritual powers to defeat anxiety.

A leading western scholar says:

“Perhaps we are unable to elect the counted individualswho’s conduct and ways of thinking are most hike ours, but we are free to select our thoughts. We are the judges of our minds. We may choose that which we deem appropriate. The external causes andinfluences which we observe are not part of us that they may force us to think in a certain way.

Therefore, we must choose the correct way of thinking and eradicate disadvantageous ones. Our soulsare directed to the path of our thoughts. In other words, our thoughts direct us in any manner they wish; because ofthis we should not allow ourselves to hold any evil thoughts or to occupy our minds with that which we resent.

Such thoughts can capture us and make us victims of different kinds of misery. We must struggle continuously towards achieving perfection and reaching the noblest hopes and most honorable goals as the secret of success and happiness lie in righteous thinking only.”

The Effects of Optimism

In the same manner in which the body system becomes disturbed by various illnesses, the harmony of thoughts, which are held by one’smind becomes disturbed by different factors and evil traits. Despite the powers of the mind, itcannot be independent of a person’s conduct. Therefore, man can only feel happiness when he enjoys good manners that conform to his thinking,conduct and enthusiasm.It is the responsibility of men to eradicate the roots of the traits that blacken his comfort and happiness.

Two elements that help create harmonious thinking are optimism and a positive outlook towards life and others. Optimism and positive expectations of those around you are guaranties of comfort for those who live in the field of humanity. Contrary to optimism are pessimism andill-thinking of others which bring a halt to the ability of righteous thinking and reduce the ability to move towards perfection.

Optimism can best be described as a light in darkness which widens as the horizon of thinking does. Withit the love of kindness grows in man, thus counting a new development in his view on life and in his outlook at it. Enabling man to see a more beautiful color of life, hence, achieving the ability to observe all people in a new light and the powerto equally and justly judge each one of them. An optimistic man’s sufferings vanish and his hopes increase while keeping his apparent and spiritual relations with the various elements of the society in the best manners.

There is not a factor able to reduce the number of problems in a man s lifelike optimism can. The features of happiness are more apparent on the faces of optimists, not only in the instances of satisfaction but throughout life in positive and negative situations alike. The light of happiness shines from the optimist’s comfortable soul of the optimist at all times.

The need to acquire other’s trust is essential. In order for trust to exist between individuals, optimism must become part of their lives. This is afact which has its direct influence on the happiness of the individual and society. Trust among the members of any society is an important factor in the advancement of that society.

The opposite is also true, for mistrust can always be a destructive element in the future of any social entity. The deeper the communication is between the various elements of the society, the faster development and advancement are. Also, among the leading social fruits of optimism are harmony,cooperation and trust. Moreover, peace in any social life can only be enjoyed if therelationship between the members of that life are built on affection along with trust and good expectations of others.

A scholar in this field of study said:

“Good expectation is a feature of belief, and nothing can be achieved without belief and hope.”

When one’s trust in others increases, his trust in himself also increases; this is one of the naturaloccurrences which happen in all societies with no exceptions. At thispoint we should not ignore the fact that there does exist a big difference between optimism and trust in others, and the unreasonable quick belief in any person.

Trust does not mean that a Muslim should totally submit to those he does not know or listen to what they say without investigating their realities and examining them. Likewise, we cannot generalize the concept of trust to include those who are open in their crimes and injustices.

In other words, trust has exceptions and should exclude some members of the society under certain conditions. In fact, a trusting person practices scrutiny and studies the expected conclusions of every matter.

Therefore, his conductis built upon precaution and carefulness, and his actions depend on careful examination and deep reflections.

Islam Calls for Optimism and Trust

Islam has planted root in the believers by filling their hearts with faith. It is in this manner that our religion leads its adherents to comfort and stability. The Holy Qur’an states that the Honorable Messenger (S) was so confident that the hypocrites criticized him for it.

Islam commands its followers to trust each other, and to assume that another’s intentions are good. Therefore, itis not permitted for anyone to judge a Muslim’s actions as corrupt without proper evidence for such a judgment.

The Prince of the Faithful (a.s .) said:“Expect good from your brothers, unless something happen that makes you rule otherwise; and do not assume a word of his is evil when there is still the possibility of it being good” .1

When people trust each other, it increases their love towards each other and brings harmony into their lives. The Muslims’ Imams expressed the importance of trust in many ways. Imam ‘Ali (a.s .) once said:“He who trusts others gains love from them.” 2

Dr.Mardin is quoted as saying:

“When you establish a friendship with someone, try to observe only his positive points: then try to appreciate in your consciences those good traits von have found in him. If you are able to center this advise in your mind, on will live a good and satisfactory life, and will discover that everyone presents his good and kind sides to you while trying to win your friendship forhimself .” 3

It is even possible that optimism and trust affect the thinking and conduct of the misguided ones. In summary, they (trust and optimism) provide grounds for the salvation of such people.

Imam ‘Ali (a.s .) once said:“Trust rescues him who indulged in sin.”

Dr. Dale Carnegie states:

“Recently I met the manager of a franchise of restaurants. This particular chain of restaurant is called “The Honorable Deal”. In these restaurants, which were established in 1885, the employees never presented a bill to the customers;instead thecustomers order what they wish to eat and after the meal they calculate the charges and pay the cashier without any questions.

“I said to the manager: ‘Of course you have a secret inspector?! You can’t trust all the customers of your restaurant?’ He answered: ‘No, we do not secretly watch ourcustomers, yet, we do know that our method is appropriate, otherwise we would not have been able to advance during this last half century.’ The customers of this restaurant feel that they are dealt with honorably, it stems from the idea that the poor, rich, thief, and beggar all try to conform to the good conduct which is expected of them here.”

Mr. Louis, a social psychologist, has said:

“If you interact with an unstable, ill-natured man and are trying to lead him to goodness and stability, try to make him feel that you trust him, treat him like a respected and honorable man. You will find that he tries to keep the trust that you have placed in him. Consequently, in order for him to prove that he is worth your trust, he will try to do what makes him qualified for your trust.”

How to Win Friends

Dr. GilbertRoben wrote:

“Trust children. WhatI mean is deal with them as if they have never made a mistake. In otherwords erase their past and forgive their wrong conduct. Try to assign important duties to those who do not behave well. With every new job that yougive them make it appear as if they have improved their behavior, and that they have become qualified for the job you have given them.

It is possible to remove theobstacles which stand in the way of correction by good conduct and trusting the ones to be corrected. From here we can say that most of the unwanted are not but reactions to fill space in the lives of the individuals.”

SirYal Bint used to suggestto trust children who have a habit of stealing with some money, and give them jobs which conform to the ability of those who are lazy. Trust guarantees comfort to the person.

Imam ‘Ali (a.s .) said:“Trust is a comfort to the heart and security in faith.” 4

Trust also releases the pressure created by the miseries and misfortunes of life.

Imam ‘Ali (a.s .) stated:“Trust reduces depression.”

Dr.Mardin said: “There is not a thing that makes life more beautiful in our eyes, reduces our sufferings, and paves the way for success like optimism and trust do. Therefore, be careful of painful thoughts just as you are cautious of illnesses and their dangerous effects. Open your minds to optimistic thinking and you will see how easily you can rescue yourself from existing thoughts.” 5

It is essential for Muslims to behave with each other in such a way that does not leave room for ill expectations to penetrate their society. Imam ‘Ali (a.s .), on this subjects, used to advise the Muslims to think positively about each other and not to act in a manner that would make others mistrust them. He (a.s .) also recommended that people should avoid places of suspicion. He is quoted as saying:“He who holds hope in you has given you his trust, therefore do not disappoint him” .6

Imam ‘Ali (a.s .) made the judging point for man’s reason his thinking about others when he said:

“Man’s expectation is the scale for his reason, and his conduct is the most truthful witness to his authenticity.” 7

Because an individual whose expectations of people is negative lacks the ability to reason logically, Imam ‘Ali (a.s .) made the Muslim’s refusal of ill-thinking a sign of their spiritual power. He also said:“One who refuses ill expectations of his brother, has healthy reason and his heart is at peace.” 8

Samuel Smiles said:

“It has been proven that those who have strong natures andspirits, are naturally happy and hopeful in life. They look at everyone and everything with trust and ease. Wise men see beyond every cloud a shining sun, and realize that behind every misery and infliction, exists the happiness they long for. These people find new power every time theyare inflicted with a new problem; and find hope with every depression or sadness.

Such nature enjoys real happiness, and its advocates are lucky. The light of gladness shines in their eyes and theycan always be seen smiling. The hearts of these individuals sparkle like stars and they see everything with an understanding eye and with the color they wish.”

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s .) considered good expectation to be one of the Muslim’s rights on each other.

“Among the rights of a believer to another believer.., is not to doubt him.” 9

Truly the element most capable of giving man optimism and trust is faith. Had all people been one nation who believed in Allah, His Messenger, and the Last Day, it would have been natural for everyoneto truly trust each other. The lack of faith among people is the reason for the acute disease of mistrust in society. A believer, whose heart is comfortable with belief and trust in Allah, depends on that unlimited power whenever heis inflicted with weakness. He seeks refuge in Allah during hardships: this trains his souls and deeply affects his morals.

Notes

1. Jami’ as-Sa’adat v.2, p. 28.

2.Ghurar al-Hikam .

3.Pirozi Fikr (Persian).

4.Ghurar al-Hikam p. 376.

5.Pirozi Fikr (Persian).

6.Ghurar al-Hikam p. 680.

7.Ghurar al-Hikam p. 474.

8.Ghurar al-Hikam p. 676.

9.Usul al-Kafi V 1. p. 394.