Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

Chapter Five: Woman; the Family Axis

The importance of family is known to everybody. It has a central role in educating generations, as well as comforting family members and especially man. It is also the basic cell for the society at large. Even some authors who have had a machine view about family, talking about biologic fathers and mothers and machine-made children62 , are worried about family annihilation, as the annihilation of the central core of human civilization:

“Family annihilation is in fact a part of the general crisis in industrial society in which all the organizations of the second wave are beginning to extinct. It is frequently being heard that family will be annihilated in the future, or that “family” is the most important issue today In recent years, there have been so much divorce in families that today one out of seven American children live with a single parent. This number is even higher in urban areas and it reaches one out of four children ...” 63 “Most scholars have considered family as the most important factor in educating children, their health or illness, dignity or deviation, compatibility or incompatibility A child acquires the first lessons of life in family devotion, affection, rules and traditions, cultural and religious rituals, and duties Family shapes the child's personality Individual or social health is not possible without considering the family's role Family can be the physical, emotional, intellectual planner of the child or its destroyer.” 6 4

Doctor Irvin Greenburg, psychology professor at the Medicine College of Albert Einstein believes:“People will marry in pursuit of a stable structure.” According to this view, family is like a root that accompanies its members, wherever they goes. It is as an anchor, which saves people's lives from the storms of change. In short, the more different the surroundings become, the more important the role of family becomes6 5 .

“... anyway, what appears from within all these changes and diminishes their importance is a minute thing. There is a secret voice embedded in human activities that is not been discussed much. It has always been a balancing factor in society; that is the family round... This round is so ancient and it works so automatically and systematically that is taken for granted and people have not asked about it...These natural and predictable family happenings grant human beings, from various tribes and societies, a sense of belonging in the course of changing affairs. The family's round in human life is considered as the base of the mental health.” 6 6

In the preface of“Toward a New Civilization” , we read:

“Toffler, on the other hand, believes that one of the outcomes of the Third Wave is the influence and importance of family and respect for it. In the Second Wave (Industrial Civilization), the powerful 'family' institute faced a gradual decay and lost all its qualities of the First Wave. So the patients were sent to hospitals instead of being cared for at home; children were sent to kindergartens and schools; old people were sent to nursing houses; and the couples spent most of their time in parties, restaurants, and clubs. What remained of familywas only emotional ties, which could be easily broken.

However, the Third Wave would revive it again, granting it its previous power and authority. In this way, many people would do their jobs at home using computers, fax machines, multifunction telephones, and other Third Wave communication media... Many parents would teach their children at home by modern communication means. Medical jobs, even surgical operations, can be done at home by robotic computers connected to medical centers. As family members spend most of their time at home, emotional ties will strengthen. Thus, family importance and influence will become even more than that of the Second Wave.”6 7

“To me, for reasons previously mentioned, none of them but family would be the main canon of tomorrow's civilization. I think 'home' has a wonderful importance in the Third Wave civilization. The start of production-forconsumption method, development of Electronic cottage, creation of new constructs in economy, and automatic nonmass-production industries all contribute to the renewal of family as future society's central unit. The economic, sanitary, training and social duties of such a unit would increase and not decrease.” 6 8 Woman has two basic roles in family, along many other apparent and invisible roles. These two main roles are:

1. Woman renews man's character, capability, and efficiency at home. The calmness the woman grants to man cannot he made in any other way. Will Durant says,“As woman changes the fancy man to the man devoted to family and children, she serves the continuation of generation ...” 6 9

The Holy Qur'an reveals this role of women:

(And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion. Most surely, there are signs in this for people who reflect.)70

(Rest) is a deep calmness that men get beside women and family. It helps the ship of life reach the prosperity shore. It also eliminates man's concerns and tensions.

Another point to be mentioned is that family familiarizes man with duties and regulations, bringing a gradual sense of commitment and small-scale management. This is an important instruction that cannot be taught in any school so tangibly and emotionally. As a result, man can fulfill his duties as well as the society's expectations from him efficiently only in the family and beside woman. And this is woman's role of wifehood.

2. The other essential role of woman's is motherhood. This, too, is a fundamental constructive role. Motherhood is a long-term duty. From the time the embryo is formed in woman's womb, she begins raising the child up to school time. Afterwards, though the child is independent, s/he is affected by the mother in some way throughout the life.

Of course, mother's evident role is very important in the period of breastfeeding and childhood. During this long period, all aspects of the child's personality are shaped by the mother. In fact, the child receives major assets from the mother and his future is formed accordingly. Educational situations, too, affect the child in the same way as the mother wishes.

That is why Islam has many recommendations to mothers in pregnancy, delivery, breastfeeding, and other periods. Physical guidelines such as proper nutrition and mental relaxing ones should be followed. All these aspects are effective in motherhood and well-educating of children. This is the most beautiful skill of woman; a skill exclusively in her own hands.

“A healthy woman breastfeeding her child should be considered the beauty peak of Creation.” 7 1

As a result, in benevolent education and support of woman's rights, this great aspect of woman's life should be considered, not sacrificing it for other transitory social roles.

“Genius is equally possible in motherhood as in politics, literature, and war. Sameness in genius cannot be judged by power or skill rather it should be assessed by the ability for playing natural roles of man and woman ...” 7 2

The motherhood role is emphasized and discussed much in Islam to strengthen the relation of children with family and reinforce the family system (More about motherhood is to come in the last chapter). Also sincere scholars, who wish to reorganize the human society and civilization, underline motherhood role, warning women about the propaganda on equality of man and woman that might distract women from their natural duties; because the children who do not experience the presence of their mothers or families that are dismantled after divorce suffer much.

“... Young girls should be educated rightly to be good mothers and raise good children, not to become physicians, lawyers, or professors ...” 7 3

Women should also learn that motherhood is their most important role in life that helps their material, spiritual, and even physical development.

“... It seems that the female beings -at least about mammals- do not reach perfection but after one or some pregnancies. Women without children are angrier and they lose their mental balance sooner. Women are generally unaware of the importance of reproduction process for their own development. So it is not logical to divert their attention from this role and direct them to the same lifestyles, viewpoints and goals as men's.” 7 4

The mottos of freedom and equality should not undermine this great mission of motherhood. All logical scholars are concerned about family issues and woman's role in family, so that the family does not dismantle and woman plays her role inside it. They are worried that woman accepts manly responsibilities and forgets her own mission; a mission greater than manly works and imitating the male gender.“... Those who speak about woman's freedom should know that a complete woman is more vital than an incomplete man If the nature seems unable to maintain the family and thechild, it is because women have for some time forgotten the nature. But the defeat of nature does not last forever.” 7 5

Chapter Six: Violence against Woman

In Islamic teachings, all kinds of violence against all people have been banned. Gentleness, however, has been emphasized in social relations. The Holy Prophet (a.s .) said:“Nothing is more beloved to Allah and his Messenger than faith and gentleness with people. And nothing is more hateful to Allah and His Messenger than polytheism and violence against people.” 7 6

The subject of violence is sometimes misused and misinterpreted. To understand the concept of violence truly, it should be born in mind that the Islamic reprisal of the criminals, Jihad with the unfaithful, and using war instruments against violators of human rights are vital issues recommended to Muslims throughout the Qur'an. Reprisal is sometimes a vital tool, because violators and oppressors do any oppression, kill and torture cruelly for their interests, and use the highest levels of violence.

Before such people, non-violence has an inhumane meaning. It is in fact like gentleness to a rapacious leopard. The behavior of the holy Qur'an toward these violent individuals is for the interest of humanity:

(Whoever then acts aggressively against you,inflict injury on him according to the injury he has inflicted on you, and be careful of your duty to Allah and know that Allah is with those who guard against evil.)7 7 The only way for facing these human-like savages is violence and not logic. Some simple-minded proponents of western liberal-democratic school think that the oppressors can be confronted with logic and ethics, without any violence. All the past and present realities and instances nullify this false imagination. This is also rejected in the overall history of the prophets.

The Prophet of Islam, who is (Mercy for the worlds) and whose motto is“I have been sent (as prophet) for completing the nobilities of character” went to 83 wars. He battled even with inner opponents and had a decisive behavior with Muslims who did not accept some Islamic rules. This statement of the Prophet (a.s .) manifests the true way for Muslims:

“Goodness, all the goodness is maintained by (the force of) the sword. People are directed to goodness only by the sword. And the swords are keys to the Paradise and the Hell.” 7 8

The same tradition7 9 is also narrated from Imam Baqir (a.s .), the fifth infallible Imam. Prophet Muhammad (a.s .), the great leader of humanity and the best teacher of ethics and divine principles, thinks that all the goodness is materialized by the power of the swords. He considers the instruments of power as the only way for gaining peaceful and humane goals. The Prophet (a.s .) knows that the cruel and voracious people do not leave murder, crime, oppression, and disloyalty and do not accept righteousness except by the force of the sword. In the present era, we see clear instances of these criminals who oppress the third world nations. They oppress the nations concerning oil price. They suppress national movements. Food and drug companies use their power to force and dominate nations. They spread viruses so that their products be sold, making the vital foods and drugs the most violent instruments for reaching their goal.

The weapon producers start wars among innocent people to sell their products, beside many other inhumane methods. After this much violence that is unprecedented in history, they now speak of non-violence. They suggest logical and humane behavior toward oppression to make the youth away from the principles of Jihad, martyrdom, and sacrifice. They want to abolish revolutionary bases and pave the way for inhumane rulers.

As was mentioned, according to the Prophet (a.s .), violence is the worst thing and it is equal to polytheism. Of course, this prohibited violence is the one against Allah's servants; these Allah'sservants means trustworthy, faithful, and responsible people, not the oppressive criminals. So, one should be aware of propagandas and be careful of usage and aim of apparently beautiful words.

Surely, Islam has condemned violence and aggression. Even the annoying of any living being is forbidden in Islam. Imam Sadiq (a.s) said:“By Allah, the pious are prosperous. Do you know them?Those who do not annoy a very small ant that is hardly seen.” 80

Furthermore, any kind of trivial annoyance that makes others unhappy is considered a devilish doing in Islam. The Prophet of Islam (a.s .) said,“One, who annoys a faithful, annoys me and one, who annoys me, annoys the Almighty Allah. One, who annoys Allah, is cursed in the Torah, the Bible, the Zabur (the Psalms), and the Qur'an.” 8 1

Imam Sadiq (a.s) stated,“The Almighty says: Let him, who harmsMy faithful servant, expect a war from Me.” 8 2 Insulting and disrespecting othersis also forbidden in Islam. The Prophet (a.s .) said,“The meanest of people is he who insults people.” 8 3 Scaring and distressing others is considered away from true belief, as the Holy Prophet (a.s.) stated,“One, who distresses a faithful and then he gives him all the world, shall not ransom himself by that nor shall he be rewarded for it.” 8 4

Finally, any kind of unpleasant and unkind behavior is not acceptable. The Prophet of Islam (a.s.) said,“Whoever pushes a faithful to demean him by it, slaps him on the face, or does something to him that he hates, the angels curse him until he shall satisfy him (the faithful) against himself, repent, and ask Allah to forgive him.” 8 5

It was mentioned that a faithful means a faithful man and a faithful woman, who are both included in all these rulings. These rulings have been given more importance in family relationships.

What was stated is the general Islamic teaching. The Qur'anic verses and traditions of the Prophet's household (a.s), however, emphasize the avoiding of violence more deeply about woman (This issue will be discussed in details in the last chapter).

The Holy Qur'an states: and treat them kindly ...)8 6

Even in talking about the divorcing of woman, the Holy Qur'an stresses kindtreatment: (And when you divorce women and they reach their prescribed term, then either retain them in kindness or release them in kindness, and do not retain them for injury, so that you exceed the limits, and whoever does this, he indeed is unjust to his own soul; and do not take Allah's communications for a mockery ...)8 7

Divorce and separation often go with harms, hatred, and unwanted reactions. The Qur'an prevents these issues, saying that if a man wants to divorce his wife, he should not annoy or harm her or behave violently toward her, observing the principle of 'kindness'. Therefore, even in quarrels, the principle of 'kindness' should be observed in dealing with women.

In another Qur'anic verse about the breastfeeding period, the principle of 'kindness' and the providing of mothers' needs are emphasized: (... and their maintenance and their clothing must be borne by the father of the child according to usage ...)8 8

The criteria for providing the mother's needs should be“kindness” ; not the necessary amount, but more than that. Considering the Qur'an's emphasis on the“kindness” criteria in treating women, the concept of 'kindness' should be studied carefully to see if it is the same as the legal criteria or something more than justice and law.

The concept of“kindness” , which defines the social verdict of 'enjoining good' (al-Amr bil Ma'ruf) in the Islamic teachings, has a deeper meaning than the mere lawfulness and justice. It includes the legal and just rights, plus ethical and humane ones. Such a humane behavior deserves human high values. So treating woman legally or justly is treating her in a way determined by the law, but treating woman with“kindness” means treating her beyond her (only) legal rights; treating her also as ethics and Islamic values determine. In other words, it means observing the obligatory deeds and the recommended deeds as well.

In the book Majma' al-Bahrayn, we read:“'kindness' is a general term for anything that is Allah's obedience, His pleasure, doing good to people, and any action that is considered good by the Sharia (laws) or logic ...” 8 9

Aminul Islam Tabarsi says,“Behaving with 'kindness' is the behaving according to Allah's commands, observing woman's rights, satisfying her needs, and having good temper and good behavior with her. It is also said that 'kindness' means not to beat woman, not to speak badly with her, but to speak with good humor ...” 90

Attention should be paid that in addition to observing the right and justice, kind and humorous behavior and following ethical criteria are considered as 'kind treatment'. It should also be borne in mind that the“kindness” mentioned in the Qur'anic verses refers to a general rule, rather than an exception or specified situation. In other words, it cannot be said that women should be dealt with kindly in some specific situations and not in others. Such a meaning is in full contrast with the verses containing the principle of 'kindness'. Therefore, this principle is the general Islamic rule in dealing with woman. The peak of forgiveness toward women is stated in this Qur'anic verse:

(... Then if you hate them (wives) it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah has pledged abundant good in it ...)9 1

Aminul Islam Tabarsi says,“... There is abundant good in keeping wives who are not much beloved... and this verse encourages the husbands, who do not like their wives, to have patience and not to divorce them. This patience is encouraged as far as there is no harm to one's life, religion, or property ...” 9 2

This is recommended to men who have ethical, behavioral, or other problems with their wives and who rush to divorce them, not behaving patiently or ignoring some of their desires.

The Holy Qur'an has also warned seriously against the annoying of women: (And those who speak evil things of the believing men and the believing women without their having earned it, they are guilty indeed of a false accusation and a manifest sin.)9 3 This verse follows another one that mentions the annoying of Allah and His Messenger (a.s .), thus the immorality of the annoying of believing women becomes more manifest. These were examples of verses that explicitly prohibited any violence against women. The same concept has been mentioned in traditions too. Imam Baqir (a.s) has quoted from the Prophet (a.s .):“Does one of you beat his wife and then he still wants to embrace her?!” 9 4

Considering these discussions, it may be asked that why the Holy Qur'an has mentioned the beating of women in this holy verse: (And as to those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping places, and beat them. Then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them.)9 5

Islam has obliged woman to obey her husband in marital issues as a right of the husband. The importance of such needs and fulfilling them is certain. If conjugal needs are not responded to, the disobedient wife may face violence from the husband, since man is naturally more powerful. The Holy Qur'an in this case has limited such violent behavior, setting specific stages for the husband to enforce his wife to obey him and fulfill his desires. (Slightly) Beating a wife is only allowed in case of her disobedience of matrimonial concerns. The amount and quality of this beating is determined in traditions and Qur'anic exegesis. It is defined as a gentle beating that leaves no scar.9 6 To avoid any kind of extreme violence in this regard, Imam Sadiq (a.s) has defined this beating as:“It is the beating with a toothbrush.” 9 7

This beating in fact declares an ethical opposition, not physical punishment. It should also be kept in mind that the beatingitself follows two ethical and educational stages, as specified in the same Qur'anic verse: (... admonish them leave them alone in the sleeping places.)

To avoid going to extremes in leaving a disobedient wife alone, such as long-time leaving, sleeping in another room, or leaving the house, it is being determined as its least amount. Imam Baqir (a.s) said,“The verse means sleeping with his back toward the woman.” 9 8

Even in leaving women in their sleeping places, any kind of mistreatment is forbidden. So if women abandon the most necessary and primary relations with their husbands, they first face an ethical, then an educational reaction, and later a punitive one, in the same way as determined by Imam Sadiq (a.s .) and not more than that. Some jurisprudents believe that woman's obedience to her husband is only obligatory in case of the ordinary matrimonial relationship. Even if some other kinds of pleasures are lawful in Islam, women are not forced to obey their husbands in them. As her obedience is not compulsory in all desires of the husband, disobedience of them is not regarded as 'desertion'.9 9 'Obedience' and 'desertion', which are set principles in matrimonial issues, should not accompany violence and harm. They are in fact assessed with 'la dharar' (no harm) principle, i.e. obedience of woman to man's request should not cause any harm to woman in any way. Imam Sadiq (a.s) was asked about Allah's saying in the verse (Neither shall a mother be made to suffer harm on account of her child, nor a father on account of his child),100 and he answered: 'Some breastfeeding women deserted their husbands' desires so Allah prohibited man to harm his wife and woman to harm her husband.'10 1

Even if this specific tradition had not been narrated about 'not to harm woman', the general 'La dharar' (no harm) rule involves any kind of harm. According to this rule, any kind of harm in social, family, and individual relations is banned.