Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

From Marriage to Parenthood:

The Heavenly Path

The information in this manual is based on the authentic and original sources of the teachings of the Prophet (s) and his Ahlul Bayt (as), on the topics of sexual etiquette between a man and a woman, and the creation of a ‘heavenly’ child

Compiler(s): Abbas and Shaheen Merali

Publisher(s): The Islamic Education Board of the World Federation of Khoja Shia Ithna-Asheri Muslim Communities

Table of Contents

Introduction 6

Note 8

Chapter 1:The Wedding Night 9

Wedding Night A°māl 9

Some Points about the °Aqd & Wedding 10

Some Points for the Bride and Groom 11

The Wedding of Imām °Alī (as) and Haďrat Fāťima (sa) 11

The °Aqd (Marriage Contract) 11

The Wedding 11

Haďrat Khadīja’s (sa) Wish 13

The Wedding Suit 13

Notes 14

Chapter 2: Sexual Etiquette 15

Sexual Etiqutte in Islam 15

Importance of Sexual Relations 15

Importance of Satisfying your Wife 16

Recommended Acts 16

Before Intercourse 17

Foreplay 17

Importance of Foreplay 17

Method of Foreplay 17

a. Caressing the breasts 18

b. Oral sex 18

c. Other 18

After Intercourse 18

Acts not Recommended 19

Makrūh [Discouraged] acts 19

1. Anal intercourse 19

2. Having Qur`an or the Dhikr of Allāh (SwT) on you 19

3. Making love standing 19

5. Engaging in sexual intercourse under the sky 20

6. Engaging in sexual intercourse when others are present (and can hear and/or see) in the house 20

7. Engaging in sexual intercourse in the presence of a child 20

8. Engaging in sexual intercourse on a boat, on the beach40 or on the road 20

9. Facing, or having one’s back to, the Qiblah 20

10. Refusing to have sexual intercourse (for various reasons) 20

Recommended Times 21

Obligatory times 21

Mustaĥab (Recommended) times 21

Times not Recommended 21

Harām (Forbidden) times 21

Makrūh (Undesirable) times 22

1. In the state of Iĥtilām 22

2. When travelling and there is a possibility of lack of water 22

3. The night of a lunar eclipse and day of a solar eclipse 23

Healthy Body 23

The following oils have been recommended 24

1. Violet Oil 24

2. Willow (Catkin) Oil 24

3. Lily Oil 24

4. Olive Oil 24

5. Others 25

Things that causes harm to the body with respect to sexual intercourse 25

Strengthening and Weakening Sexual Desire 25

Notes 26

Chapter 3: Important Fiqh Rules 1, For Married Couples 28

State of Janābat 28

Ghusl al-Janābat 29

Times when Ghusl al-Janābat becomes obligatory 29

Times when Ghusl al-Janābat does not become obligatory 29

Important rules of Ghusl 29

Tayammum 30

Times when tayammum can be performed instead of Ghusl 30

1. When it is not possible to obtain sufficient water to perform Ghusl 30

2. When it is almost qaďā time 30

3. Danger to health 30

Important points relating to tayammum 31

Making things ritually clean that are stained by Semen 31

Clothing or Bed Sheets 31

a. Using running water 32

b. Using washing machines 32

A Mattress 32

a. Using running water 32

Step 1: Removing the najāsat 33

Step 2: Pouring water less than kurr 33

The Body 33

Notes 34

Chapter 4: Family Planning 35

Family Planning in Islam 35

Family Planning in Islam 35

Methods of Contraception 35

Permissible Methods 35

1. Oral Contraceptives 35

2. Depo-Provera 36

4. Barrier Devices 36

5. Abstinence during fertile period 36

6. Withdrawal (Coitus Interruptus): 36

7. Sterilization 37

Prohibited Methods 37

Consent between husband and wife 37

Abortion 38

Indemnity 39

Notes 40

Chapter 5: Conception 41

Recommended Foods 41

1. Chichory 41

2. Pomegranate 41

3. Qawoot 41

4. Quince 41

Recommended Acts 42

State of mind 42

State of body 43

Protection from Satan 43

Acts not Recommended 45

Makrūh acts 45

Recommended Times 46

Mustaĥab times 46

Times not Recommended 46

Harām times 46

Makrūh times 47

Planning Pregnancies 47

Notes 48

Chapter 6: Pregnancy 50

The Creation of a Child According to the Qur`an 50

Importance of Motherhood and Pregnancy 52

Responsibilities during Pregnancy 54

Recommended Foods 56

1. Breast of animal meat 56

2. Chicory 56

3. Dates 56

4. Fig 57

5. Makka Ubani 57

6. Olive oil 57

7. Pomegranate 57

8. Qawoot 57

9. Quince 57

10. Watermelon 58

11. Various other things 58

Properties of some of the above-mentioned foods 58

Recommended Acts 59

Recommended Supplications 63

Qur`anic supplications for righteous children 64

Notes 67

Chapter 7: Delivery 69

Recommended Acts 69

Notes 69

Chapter 8: After Delivery 70

Recommended Foods 70

Recommended Acts 70

1. Acceptance of the child, whether boy or girl 70

2. Recitation of Adhān and Iqāmah 71

3. Clothes of the child 71

4. Ghusl 71

5. Shaving the hair 71

6. °Aqīqah 72

7. Circumcision of boys 72

8. Walīmah 73

9. Piercing the ears 73

°Aqīqah - A Closer Look 73

Importance of carrying out °Aqīqah 73

Recommended Method of congratulating one on the Birth of a Child 76

Naming the Child 76

Importance of naming the child 76

When to name the child 77

Recommended names 77

Names not recommended 78

Notes 78

Chapter 9: Breastfeeding 80

Food for the Newborn Child 80

Three Examples 80

Reward of Breastfeeding 81

Importance of Breast Milk 81

Recommended Time Period of Breastfeeding 82

Weaning 84

Notes 85

Chapter 10: Important Fiqh Rules 2 , For Mothers 86

Nifās 86

What is Nifās? 86

How long does Nifās last? 86

Notes 88

Chapter 11: Raising Children 89

40 Akhlāq Points on Interacting with your Child 89

Some useful points to be noted 90

The spoilt children themselves face two types of problems 91

14 Ways to Instil the Love of the Ahlul Bayt (as) in your Children 96

Memorisation of the Noble Qur`an 98

Notes 99

Bibliography 101

Introduction

    بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

In the Name of Allāh (SwT), the Beneficent, the Merciful

Only when we ponder and reflect on the guidance and traditions narrated to us by the Prophet (S) and his Ahlul Bayt (as), do we realise the treasures they have left behind for us. These pearls of wisdom light the path to Heaven by providing us with advice and knowledge at every step in our lives.

Unfortunately, the majority of these treasures are only available in Arabic and Farsi, leaving English-only readers with just a fraction of what is available, thus forcing them to rely on solely secular information to fill this gap.

Two of these treasures are the Islamic teachings of sexual etiquette between a man and a woman, and the creation of a ‘heavenly’ child. This information has therefore been translated from various Farsi texts and compiled into this manual. It is our hope that this will provide the English reader with an Islamic manual to be incorporated and utilised side by side with all the other information available, allowing one to not only receive its benefits in this world, but to bring one closer to Allāh (SwT) and heaven.

The information in this manual is based on the authentic and original sources of the teachings of the Prophet (S) and his Ahlul Bayt (as). Wherever possible, traditions from these Noble persons have been included to highlight the strong Islamic basis behind the recommendations made, as well as to encourage the reader to become familiar with the words of our leaders in Islam. In addition the inclusion of these traditions highlights the importance Islam places on every single aspect of our lives, never leaving us without guidance at any stage.

At this stage it is necessary to mention that it is possible that the Ahlul Bayt (as) have narrated these traditions at a specific time, place or situation, which information unfortunately has not reached us. We have tried our best to bring the tradition to you as narrated in the sources, in order that they may be useful and beneficial.

This manual begins with a discussion about the wedding night, including the A°māl that have been recommended for this night, allowing the bride and groom to start this stage of their life in the best possible way. This is then followed by sexual etiquettes and its importance in Islam, as well as recommendations for the acts and times in which a sexual union is particularly advisable or not.

A section on important fiqh rules laying out essential information in a simple manner follows. All the fiqh rules are in accordance with Ayatullāh al-°Uzmā Sayyid °Alī al-°Husainī as-Sīstānī. Muqallidīn of other mujtahids are recommended to refer to their own Risālah for these sections.

With respect to sexual etiquette, family planning and the conception period, Islamic recommendations have been highlighted with regards to foods, acts and times, preparing the ground for the making of a righteous and beautiful child, insha-Allāh.

Once pregnant, both the mother and father need to be aware of their roles and responsibilities, allowing them to fulfil these in the best manner possible. Once again, recommendations for foods, acts and supplications have been outlined, to begin the nourishing and fostering of the child from these early stages in the womb.

Recommended acts for a safe and easy delivery and for the period immediately after delivery are then discussed, continuing on to breastfeeding, which is known as one of the rights of a child. This is then followed by some additional important fiqh rules for the mother, dealing mainly with the issue of Nifās (the blood seen by the mother after childbirth).

Last but definitely not least, this work closes with a chapter on raising children, including 40 Akhlāqī points on interacting with your child, instilling the love of the Ahlul Bayt (as) in them and tips on memorisation of the Qur`an for both parent and child. This section is filled with important and interesting information that if adhered to, can only serve to have a positive and beneficial impact on the child.

It is necessary to mention certain points that may crop up in the reader’s mind when going through the vast amount of information available. Firstly, certain recommendations may seem very specific and narrow, such as that of the times when one should and should not conceive; however, it is essential to remember that Islam is not a difficult religion, and these recommendations are not there to impose unnecessary restrictions on us.

Rather, these recommendations are placed there for our benefit, by a Creator who knows us better than we know ourselves. A little effort on our part will have long term consequences that we may not even be aware of. Indeed, it is important to note that the majority of the recommendations are just that, recommendations. All we have to do is to approach this with the right niyyat, ensure that the obligatory acts are performed and try our best with the rest, and insh-Allāh, He will guide us the rest of the way.

Secondly, Muslim women in particular have an added responsibility during pregnancy and beyond, as not only do the medical factors and advice have to be adhered to, but the spiritual factors too. This is especially hard if the pregnancy is a difficult one. Once again, one must keep in mind that the benefits outweigh the costs.

Additionally, it is not necessary that every single recommended act be carried out; rather a mother must see what is most suitable to her timetable and carry out what she can to the best of her abilities, and leave the rest to Allāh (SwT), who is All-Knowing. This is especially pertinent considering that the recommendations will only have the desired effect if carried out with a calm and peaceful soul, rather than one with worry and stress.

Indeed, in all aspects of life, Islam has given importance to the ‘middle path’ and forbidden extremes. Likewise, it is wise to remember that the recommendations in this manual each have their time and place, and should not be overly indulged in, nor completely ignored. For example, one of the recommendations for a beautiful child is that the father should eat pomegranate; however, this does not mean that the father should make pomegranate his only fruit, and even substitute it for his main meals as this is harmful and dangerous.

It is only when the middle path is treaded upon that the inner, spiritual benefits of these recommendation come into play and affect our lives.

In closing, for a comprehensive approach to these areas, we would like to recommend that this manual be read and incorporated side by side with the supplications in A Mother’s Prayer1 by Saleem Bhimji and Arifa Hudda.

We would like to thank all those who contributed to this manual in one way or the other, and supported it throughout. May Allāh (SwT) reward you for everything.

Lastly, we ask for your forgiveness if there are any shortcomings or errors in this manual; please let us know and insha-Allāh, we shall try to improve it for future readers. Any other comments or suggestions would also be welcome.

When using this manual, please remember our families in your Du°ās, and all Marhumeen with a Surat al-Fātiĥah.

We humbly pray to Allāh (SwT) to accept this effort, and if accepted, we present it to Haďrat Ma°ŝūmah (sa), in whose Noble neighbourhood we completed this work, and our Noble Imām of the time, Imām Mahdī (aj).

“All Praise belongs to Allāh, Lord of all the Worlds.”

Abbas and Shaheen Merali

1st July, 2005

The Noble City of Qom

Note

1. This book can be purchased from the Islamic Humanitarian Service at www.al-haqq.com. To contact the authors, you can email them at iph@iph.ca.