Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

Chapter Seven: Differential Psychology

Woman psychology is very complex and vast, especially with regard to the different states of mind of man and woman. Assessment of identical and different aspects of woman and man is very crucial because though man and woman are both human beings, they have fundamental differences. Examining the woman’s mind for finding her diverse aspects needs patient work of expert psychologists.

Some research has been done and books written in this regard. Muslim scholars should continue this line of research in accord with the Islamic teachings to prevent jurists and sociologists from going astray in defining the woman’s position.

The first issue is the knowing of the undoubted differences and variations shown in the outer appearance of the two genders and proved in scientific studies:

“Biologists believe that man and woman have fundamental differences, which are more caused by nature than by environment. They believe that any cell in woman’s body differs from its like cell in man’s body. Before being borne and affected by the society, the cells develop into different beings; man and woman. Doctor MahmudBehzad says that if social conditions make man and woman different, they only make the natural differences deeper.”88

“In spite of all the claims made by extremist supporters of equal rights of man and woman, man and woman have different biological and ideological functions and diverse states of mind. As a result, present psychologists have defined two distinct states of mind; female and male, just as biologists have divided the body into female and male.”89

Even the societies that have followed the equality principle of female and male in all areas of life could not ignore the natural distinctions between male and female that are so concrete in daily life.

“In countries like the United States of America where women can promote to higher social positions, usually boys and girls engage in all educational issues. Most teachers, though, accept the differences between schoolboys and schoolgirls, without having an exact definition of it. The teachers, who teach in both girls and boys’ classes, or the investigators, who visit both classes, often speak of the conflict of the two categories and the necessity to conform them again. However, in rural coeducational classes, the distinction between the two genders is very evident... Physical and mental differences between most men and women and their different social roles have led to the idea of ‘male and female samples’, which is really an abstract, but useful notion. Moreover, everybody finds out to belong to one of these groups. This plays a crucial role in the social, family, educational, and vocational roles, as well as the behavior of individuals...”90

The gender is not only evident in physical manifestations, but also in all areas of woman or man’s life. It brings about some distinctions, the most obvious type of which is the physical distinctions. According to Truman, “Every body cell carries the signal of its gender...”91 , “...All body cells, as well as body organs and the nervoussystem have the specific sign of body gender.”92

Undoubtedly, there are relations and mutual effects between the human physical and mental aspects. Countenance, height, weight, skull and bone sizes, muscle, brain, and other organs are not only physiologically different in the two genders, but have mutual mental effects. In fact, physical differences manifest or at least introduce differences in personality.

It is totally accepted in psychology that the body status affects the mental position.

Thus in psychology, people are divided into various types according to their physical form. Boney, muscular, tall, or short types, for example, are defined to have different mentalities. These personality types affect crime committing, education capability, artistic talent, and other inclinations. Introvert and extrovert individuals are also defined using these physical attributes.

“...Our outside appearance shows our physiologic habits and even our regular viewpoint... Even deeper issues can be predicted from one’s face; not only the virtues or the vices but also smartness or stupidity; one’s secret feelings and habits; one’s tendency to get certain physical or mental diseases... Researchers can give a complete description of one’s inner and outer attributes by only looking at his/her face... One should not change her/his natural body organs because any small change in body size creates deep changes in physiologic and mental activities. Very sensitive, hardworking, or tolerant people do not have heavy bodies, neither do the genius... The face and gestures... reveal body characteristics and mental power...

Mental characteristics are certainly in relation with physiologic activities...”93

Some differences between the genders are briefly mentioned here:

Boy and girl’s Growth

Experts say, “...Girls grow up faster than boys that their skeleton, teeth, and genital glands mature faster than boys’. The girls’ average of one or two-year lead over the boys continues throughout childhood and maturity...”94

Physical Power and Strength

The human or animal male gender is certainly stronger than the female one; therefore, it is more ready and efficient for hard works.

“...Boys are superior to girls in regard to life capacity and muscular power in all ages... (Except between 11 and 14 years old in which girls are slightly superior).

Finally, the boys’ physical activity is more than the girls’ throughout life.”95

“In childhood, girls have larger buttocks than boys have. This difference becomes more evident during puberty. The boys’ bones become larger and thicker, their muscular tissues become more and their shoulders wider. Because of the same differences, boys become stronger than girls and continue to be so. Another reason for men’s strength is that their heart and lungs are larger than women’s. Therefore, their blood pressure is higher, they are more able in carrying oxygen to the blood, and their heart’s beating is slower than women’s when at rest. Moreover, men are chemically more tolerant of tiredness after sport exercises, in comparison to women...”96

Genital Glands

The genital glands in man and woman have different roles in the reproduction process and work at different times. The genetic effects and hereditary attributes are also very wonderful. This important masterpiece of creation does not end here; it has great effects on the body and mind of woman and man, making them two entirely different beings. The genital functions affect not only the mental and sensational aspects, but also intelligent, taste, and artistic talents. Finally, the genital aspect forms the personality of man and woman with two different sets of characteristics.

It is better here to see what biology experts say in this regard:

“The reason why women have more fluctuating mood than men have is that theirhormonical changes are more than those of man. Women’s estrogen increases from about zero to its higher amount and then again reaches zero one time every thirty days...Most women tolerate such a frightening change with an admirable patience. If men’s genital hormone was taken from them twice a month and then again given to them, the world would become much worse than what it is today; it is now being managed by men whose genital hormone is unchanged.97 ”

“...The genital glands not only help the continuation of generation, but also affect our physiologic, mental, and spiritual activities. No great philosopher, scientist, or even criminal has ever been eunuch. Men’s testicles and women’s ovary have various functions; they make male or female cells...They also leak substances into the blood that manifest male or female attributes in our tissues, organs, and senses. They highlight all our bodily actions as well.

The substance leaked by the testicles causes bravery, violence, and excitement, and these are the features that distinguish a war-like cow from the one working in a farm. The ovary affects woman in the same way, but not throughout her lifetime; its size decreases after menopause and then stops working. Because of this short period of ovary activity women look much broken down than men in old age. The testicles, however, remain active throughout life.

The difference between man and woman is not only in their genital organs and woman’s womb and delivery; rather it is caused by a more important factor that is the chemicals leaked by genital glands into the blood.

The proponents of feminism, who think that the two genders can be educated in the same way and they occupy the same social responsibilities and positions, are unaware of these natural differences. Woman is in fact very different from man in many ways...

Throughout man’s life, the testicle cells are producing the primary core from which all new cells of the fetus are developed. Woman however makes not only a half of the primary core of the fetus, but also all the protoplasm that surrounds this core.

Woman’s role is therefore more important than the man’s in creating the fetus...

Moreover, man’s role is short-time in the reproduction process, while woman’s role lasts about nine months. During this time, the fetus is fed with substances from the mother’s blood that is filtered inside the placenta. In addition to getting the necessary material from the mother to grow new tissues, the fetus leaks some tissue materials back...Throughout pregnancy, the mother is affected and sometimes poisoned by the fetus. In short, because of its different tissues, the fetus in the womb influences its mother much. Finally, it changes the mother’s physiologic and mental state during delivery...”98

“...The body cells leak out materials into the blood that certainly influence the human mental and spiritual activities. Among all the inner glands leaking out materials, the testicles are the most influential on one’s mental power and state.

Great artists, poets, saints, and conquerors have generally had extreme sexual tendency. Removing the genital glands even after puberty causes some mental changes.

After removing the ovary, women become broken down, losing some of their intellectual or creative power. The men, who remove testicles by operation, somehow lose their original personality... Great artists have mostly been great lovers. It is as if the activity of the genital glands is necessary for getting artistically inspired. When one cannot reach his/her desired love, the soul is stimulated and excited. If Beatrix had married Dante, he might not be able to compose his masterpiece ‘Divine Comedy’...99 ” “...if we suppose that the body glands affect the human behavior, then it is clear that the two genders not only are mentally distinct, but also have ‘distinct tendencies’, affected by important individual changes...

However, regardless of psycho-physiologic manifestations of the gender, this distinctiveness has a special effect on the personality development...”100

The Emotional Aspect

It is quite clear that man and woman have many emotional differences. Women are more sentimental and quickly affected by romantic and exciting scenes. “Because of their sincere feelings, girls are more quickly affected by training programs and more easily reformed. According to Morris Debs, girls should be educated differently from boys, because of their future role of motherhood in the family.”101

Motherhood plays an important role in developing woman’s emotions. That is why psychologists consider this aspect as the origin of many mental and emotional states in women and an inseparable part of woman’s life.

“...Douche has highly emphasized women’s motherhood instinct as the developer of their mental growth. In short, he considered the before- and after-puberty periods as a prelude to motherhood. This way, acceptance becomes part of her essential physiologic and anatomic essence. She waits to get fruitful; her life becomes meaningful only by becoming a mother.102 ”

“Men mostly tend to help in heroic situations, while women more like to pity others.”103

“Men and women react against losses and calamities differently. Women get depressed mostly after a cut in their relationship. Men, however, get depressed because of losing an ideal or a great goal. This difference shows that women are much dependent on their personal relationships and have little individual independence. This is still a proved viewpoint used by some psychiatrists in facing women depression.”104

Men and women also look at daily life, emotional issues, and other people differently; one with a male view and the other with a female view. The human being in evaluating issues is both a viewer and an actor; giving to anything from her/his own personal attributes, though the issues are certain enough. If this is true, then people’s gender characteristics are the most determining factors in their viewpoint. This is a great quality of the system of creation in which woman’s emotion helps in making generations and forming families.

Resistance against Diseases

One of the differences between man and woman is their different physical power and resistance against diseases. The amount of this resistance affects the quality as well as the quantity of each person’s life.

“Men live about seven years less than women. The question is that: is this because of physiologic or environmental causes? Researches show that females are more resistant against infections than males are. Maybe this is because of the female genes on their especial chromosome that increases their resistance.

“Another point is that males not only have more heart attacks, but also have heart attacks earlier in life. Moreover, women are somehow immune against these attacks because of their ‘estrogen’.”105

Mental Aspect

Some traditions were mentioned in this regard in previous chapters. Here the difference between the mental power of man and of woman is discussed.

The first important point is the different brain weights of man and woman. In all human races, the size of woman’s skull and spinal column are less than those of man. Women are also shorter than men are in all races. Woman’s brain weighs comparatively 100 to 200 grams less than that of man. This is a fact that two seemingly similar genders are this much different; a fact that implies a real wisdom, because in addition to many similar responsibilities and missions, the two genders have special distinct responsibilities in the system of creation. These especial responsibilities necessitate some differences in the bodily and anatomic systems; an undeniable fact.

Experts have said that a human being thinks, understands, and acquires wisdom wholeheartedly. Though the immediate thinking tool is the brain, it is never free from the effects of the body’s various organs. The hormones, genital glands, tissues, organs, brain size, height, pregnancy, and a dozen more of physiologic and mental activities are related to the physical state and the affect the human understanding;

some known to us and many others still unknown. “...In brief, a human being thinks, makes love, is hurt, admires, and worships with his/her brain as well as all other organs...”106

Therefore, the mental aspect should certainly be different in man and woman; especially because of the effect of the genital glands on the brain.

As a result, it can be said that if a mother behaves in a rigid concrete manner, her children may have emotional shortages and be raised as an ill-treated generation.

And maybe this different state of the brain in women helps develop emotional aspects of the children; the human-making role of motherhood. Exactly due to the same reason, the male and female genders have slightly different trends and interests. “...More women are engaged in musical jobs, but male musicians have created deeper more durable music.”107

This is also true about science, philosophy, and inventions. Except a few instances, men have founded great schools of philosophy and invented important inventions.

Undoubtedly, the mental growth necessary for a perfect prosperous life exists in women, so men and women are equal in issues that need mental growth and its resulting true understanding. Man and woman are also equal when thinking about the wonderful signs of the creation that leads to the finding of the source of creation.

The Holy Qur’an equally mentions believing woman and believing man, worshipping woman and worshipping man, humble woman and humble man...etc .. Man and woman are hence equal in belief and religious progress, as was mentioned earlier.

Two points are worth mentioning here:

a. Islam has necessitated mental growth for economic and financial decisions. This is stated in verdicts about genital and social puberty. Mental and social puberty is of course above the genital puberty. The Holy Qur’an emphasizes economic issues.

Hence, it requires mental growth for it. Man and woman are not different in this regard. Both genders can possess their own capital and participate in economic activities after their mental growth.

These issues should be discussed more deeply. The mentioned criteria show that some Islamic verdicts reflect women’s normal position in the past. If in a society women differ from (the women of) the past, getting higher mental and cultural positions, those criteria may also change. Since Islam belongs to all ages and all societies, these changes of criteria arc discussed and their conditions determined.

b. Another related point is about deputyship in the Hajj ritual. If some people do not have the necessary financial or physical conditions for this ritual, they can appoint another person as their deputy. The question now is if a woman can be the deputy of a man, especially in his first obligatory Hajj (sarura ).

ImamSadiq (a.s .) was asked about a woman who was the deputy of a man and he said, “If that woman has performed the Hajj before and she is faithful and understanding (in religion), (she can be the deputy of a man). There may be a woman is more knowledgeable than a man.”108

The closing phrase of ImamSadiq’s statement determines woman’s probable high position infiqh and that so many women may acquire higher positions than men in this filed by their attempt, as we see many instances of such women today.

The mentioned statement generally implies woman’s jurisprudence infiqh as well, because if women can be more knowledgeable than men in the Hajj issues, which are very complicated, they can be more knowledgeable in other areas offiqh too.

Such women can be jurisprudents, provided they have other necessary characteristics.

It is also said that if there were no men for the lawful slaughtering of animals (due to Islam), but some women knew how to doit, the wisest of them should be selected for it.

Once, ImamSadiq (a.s ) was asked: “Can a woman slaughter an animal when there are no men?” He replied, “The wisest of the women should do it.”109

The then conditions and women’s social position caused some viewpoints reflecting the realities of the time, not women’s intelligence and capabilities.

Women are also mentioned as great jurisprudents andhadith narrators of the utopia after the ImamMandi’s reappearance:

ImamBaqir (a.s ) said, “In ImamMandi’s era, all people are taught knowledge and wisdom to the extent that women judge according to Allah’s Book and the Prophet’ssunna inside their homes.”110

Because the necessary qualification for judgment is jurisprudence and true knowledge of the divine verdicts, this tradition shows women’s scholarly position in the future.

At the end of this chapter, some findings out of researches about the differential psychology of the two genders are mentioned:

The Cognitive Capabilities

“In the area of cognition, reviewing hundreds of researches show only a few differences between males and females.

First, girls get higher scores in the verbal section of IQ tests. Their intellectual growth begins with language learning, while boys’ intellectual growth takes place in practical skills...

Second, men are better in mathematics tests. Girls have equal performance with boys in verbal mathematics questions, but boys are better than girls in dealing with numbers and forms.

Third, boys are relatively better than girls are in spatial-visual tests... such as recognizing a form from various angels, reading maps, or finding a simple form inside a complex form. A wonderful ability of girls and women is that they can keep totally irrelevant details in their minds for a short time, but boys and men can remember things that are related to themselves or related to each other. That is why women can be better secretaries. Girls can memorize lessons with or without understanding them, butboys first try to make a logical relationship among the issues and then memorize them...”111

Social Behavior

“Regarding the social behavior, researches show some gender differences... A 32- year research (from 1933 to 1965) in the United States showed that men are always more violent than women. Women, however, are more verbally violent. In other words, women use obscene language when they are angry, while angry men show angry behavior and involve in beating and kicking...”112

The words of Corrine Hut, a woman psychologist, are worth mentioning here:

“Corrine Hut has impartially and logically found out that a woman is physically, physiologically, and psychologically different from a man and these differences bring about different social roles for them.”113

Chapter Eight: Greatest Pleasures

Islam has attended to all human needs, not separating man and woman’s material and spiritual life. Islam accepts the attractions and beauties of human life in both material and spiritual aspects. It looks positively at the issue of ‘enjoyment’ and denies the lack of enjoyments in some Sufi and Eastern schools. It therefore considers marriage and its enjoyments reasonable inside Islamic framework. Islam also considers marriage and its normal pleasures as effective in the human spiritual growth.

This Islamic view is not only about some parts of the worldly life; rather all the pleasures and joys of life are viewed as positive, constructive, and valuable in Islam.

According to this view, woman is considered as one of the most valuable and attractive parts of the human life. Phylogeny (fondness of one’s wife) is thus considered congruent with the Islamic belief and human spiritual growth, provided that it is moderate and away from extreme fondness in women, which is denied by the common sense and the religion.

The woman (one’s wife) is introduced as a very enjoyable creature in the Islamic teachings.

ImamSadiq (a.s ) narrated from the Prophet (a.s .): “The delight of my eyes has been made in prayer and my pleasure (has been made) in women.”114

ImamSadiq (a.s ) was asked: “What is the most enjoyable thing?” Everybody said something about this, but ImamSadiq (a.s ) replied, “The most enjoyable thing is the sleeping with women.”115

Surprisingly, the enjoyment of association with women is considered the greatest pleasure of the Hereafter, too, in a tradition narrated from ImamSadiq (a.s ).

ImamSadiq (a.s ) said, “People do never enjoy in this life and the afterlife a pleasure more pleasant than the pleasure of (association or sleeping with) woman The inhabitants of the Paradise do not find anything more enjoyable than marriage, which is found neither in foods nor in drinks.”116

As a result, there is no doubt about the acceptance of this kind of pleasure by Islam. In addition to so many spiritual realities, the material daily realities of life are not ignored in Islam. In fact, anything is defined in its own place and within the religious framework. Defining mere material goals, however, is not acceptable in the Islamic view.

ImamSadiq (a.s ) said, “From the morals of the prophets is the love of women.”117

Thus, the philosophy of enjoyment has two basic criteria; first, the human beings should avoid material enjoyments as their ultimate goal in life, so that they would not ignore the permanent spiritual joys. Second, they should act moderately; avoid both Sufi avoidance of joys and the mere goal of enjoyment. Both of these extremes are far from the high Islamic goals. Islam supports moderation in all fields of life, including enjoyment. It has been proved that moderation helps permanent benefit from pleasures, because going to extreme results in early old age and the deprivation of enjoyment.

Imam Ali (a.s ) said, “The one who does not act economically (moderately) shall die out of wastefulness (extravagance).”118

ImamSajjad (a.s ) stated, “... Please me with moderation“119

Moderation helps benefit from the present facilities, but extravagance wastes capitals and abilities.

By spreading close relationship between husband and wife, Islam tries to strengthen the family institution. This way, the family members do not attend only to legal regulations for solving their problems; rather, they follow their own deep emotions. The principle of kindness is the natural base of spouses’ relationships that overshadows the law. Legal and social rules are not efficient enough in reinforcing the family. Only love and kindness help fortify family relations and dominate legal and ethical regulations.

The cooperation of ethical and religious systems is necessary for enforcing all the rules. All cases of breaking the law and escaping from it happen because the legal systems try to institutionalize the law rigidly, not with the help of emotional and religious systems.

“... In no society human values can be maintained merely by the law; rather by strengthening human virtues and ethics. Increasing people’s understanding also simplifies the job of law enforcers. It is by awakening the conscience of people that the law is followed without any force or obligation.”120

“... The institutionalization of law facilitates the continuation and maintenance of societies, not the number of legal books or the fear of punishment ...”121

Chapter Nine: Woman’s Mission

The human being is a free creature, who can decide overtly, and choose something from among others. However, man or woman is entangled in nature’s compulsory rules, limited by natural traditions, and cannot go beyond them.

For instance, the human being becomes hungry; his/her hunger is satisfied with some food. S/he needs the air and to breathe. S/he gets sick and needs drugs. Finally, after a period of growth, s/he gradually looses power and passes away. There are no options and solutions in such issues, but obedience and surrender.

The result of this compulsion principle in science is that the natural rules of any creature are not changeable. Any attempt for changing these compulsory conditions may violate that creature’s quality of existence. Even if he/she/it is able to continue life after being altered, he/she/it may not remain as efficient as before.

The nature’s unchangeable rules have also defined certain duties and missions for man and woman. They should find their mission inside the natural framework and follow it. It is therefore not logical that woman accomplishes the male’s duties and vice versa; it is no progress or evolution, as some people might think!

“Physiologic rules are as rigid as the rules of stars and not changeable because of human desires ...”122

As a result, anyone should attempt, think, and act inside his/her framework of existence to go beyond the material life to human perfection. Man and woman’s special missions are discussed with regard to this inflexible criterion.

Though man and woman are from the same essence of creation, according to the natural laws each one hasa especial mission. His mission is to be a good man and her mission is to be a good woman; that is what the nature has specified for them.

‘Women should try to develop their natural characteristics, in line with their own nature and without blind imitation. Their mission in promoting the human race is much greater than men’s is. Women should not consider their mission as unimportant. The importance of the two genders is not their being equal ...”123

The equality of rights and missions in the two genders blends two different sets of duties while both remain undone. This inefficient performance of duties brings about basic disorders in the society. If the proponents of woman’s rights announce this sameness of duties, they prevent both genders from completing their fundamental roles.

In fact, the blind blending of man and woman’s missions is the result of the male prejudice, which considers the male gender more valuable. It tries to provoke women to think, work, and have emotions and roles like men. This is really an insult to women, because maleness is considered a value.

Woman’s prejudice should thus not liken women to men and ignore their original character, in order to value them!

Being a woman is perfection and value in itself, just as being a man is valuable. Man and woman each have divine missions by doing that by which they can get prosperity and perfection in this world and the Hereafter. Anyone who seeks to be like the opposite sex might suffer from inferiority complex and even cannot play his/her own role, because of being alien to his/her real character.

In this compulsory life, the physiologic andpsychophysiologic rules have introduced certain ways for each of the two genders, congruous with their physical and psychological characteristics, to grow and reach their own goals. Therefore, the criteria for education, rule-making, and other social areas should be in accord with each gender.

“Experts of education should consider man and woman’s differences and their natural roles. This is a very important factor for creating our future civilization.”124

We can mention many instances of men’s feminine roles and women’s masculine jobs in some countries and evaluate their resulting problems for the humansoeiety , as mentioned even by proponents of feminism. Only one example is talked about here:

One of the effects of this blending of roles is the destruction of families, which is totally incurable. Some imaginary fortune-tellings that talk about employed mothers and ordered children are really nasty and they cannot fill the empty place of the family, the relationships among its members and many other emotional ties. How can the employed mothers and the ordered children of medical institutes bring about that calmness created by a family of father, mother, and children? How can a human society be established by such stepfathers and stepchildren? Can we expect the humane love and kindness in such artificial relationships? The proponents of the artificial life consider humans as objects and the role of human families as multifunctional machines! Of course, these instances are very few and created from fatal materialist and capitalist views. Thoughts and views against the Divine rules and traditions would not last long and would be vanished by human pure temperament and the Divine religions. Even now, the modernism that thought of core families is being defied and replaced by postmodernism and its trend of extended families and their values.

The future tellers, too, talk about the human tendency to traditional families in future civilizations:

“... I think none of them (multinational firms, information mangers, computer rooms, industrial research labs, etc.) is the future society’s main axis. In fact, homes are the axes of future civilization. To me, home is very important in the third wave. The introduction of production for consumption, the development of electronic village, organizational constructions in economy, automatic industries, and non-mass production all imply the regained importance of the family as the basic unit of future society; a unit whose economic, medical, educational, and social duties shall increase in the future, rather than decrease ...”125

Chapter Ten: Consultation with Woman

Family is a small society. Managing this small society is so hard and delicate. The father and mother, as the basic axes of the family, cannot easily manage the family if they do not have the power of understanding and decision-making.

The family management has various aspects, like economic, cultural, medical, legal, ethical and educational aspects. These aspects exist in the husband and wife’s relationship, the relationship among the children, and the children-parents’ relations.

The small- and large-scale managements are identical in some respects, so the managers of small societies, such as family, should follow the methods of large-scale successful managers in their own small society.

One of the factors in successful management is consultation. In other words, though the final decision is made by one person, s/he consults with others before making plans and decisions. This has a two-fold result.

First, the manager’s consultation with other people in a system gives them self-confidence and self-esteem. The second result is that the system benefits from the experience, knowledge, and information of all the people. It is evident that ‘Not everyone knows everything’ and only by consultation the helpful information of all individuals is gained.

That is why consultation is considered a criterion for the growth of cognition and future knowledge and has been too much emphasized in Islam. The Holy Qur’an says:

(And consult with them in the affair ...)126

Getting advice from others is also stressed in traditions.

Imam Ali (a.s .) said, “It is an incumbent duty of a wise person to add the views of prudent men to his own view.”127

The Holy Qur’an has mentioned ‘consultation’ in three verses. One is addressed to the Holy Prophet (a.s .) to consult with the MuslimUmma on important issues, which was mentioned at the beginning of this chapter. This is not the consulting about laws, of course, because the lawmaker is only Allah in Islam, but in the way of carrying out the laws. The history of Islam has many cases of the Prophet’s consulting with his disciples, like when the Muslims dug the trench in the al-Khandaq Battle by the idea ofSalman .

Another instance ofQur’anic verses about consultation is this verse:

(... and their affair is a matter of counsel among themselves)128

This verse is about the entire Muslim nation. Since the verse begins with: “And those who respond to their Lord and keep up prayer,” it addresses all the believers. This nation should base their activities on consultation.

The third instance is about consultation in the family.

(...But if both (parents) desire weaning by mutual consent and counsel, there is no blame on them.) 129

The word (mutual consultation) in this verse means two-sided consultation. This may refer to the fact that the husband and wife should ask each other’s views regarding the education of children. In fact, the joint experience and understanding of two managers directs the family members.

InMajma ’ al-Bayan , we read:

‘“Mutual counsel’ means joint consultation between man and woman in the family. The agreement of the two parents is necessary for deciding about children. Since, mother knows things about the children of which the father is-unaware, not consulting may harm the children.”130

Based on this Islamic principle, man and woman should manage the family jointly. Though the family tasks should be divided between husband and wife, its management should be done by their cooperation.

This cooperation of man and woman in the family issues and the education of childrenis stated in another verse, too:

(... Then if they (wives) suckle (the children) for you, give them their recompense and enjoin one another among you to dogood ; and if you disagree, another woman shall suckle for him (the child).)131

For the phrase (enjoin one another among you to dogood ) three meanings have been mentioned:132

1. Accepting each other’s opinion if it is a good one; because Allah has ordered the breastfeeding woman and her husband to follow Allah’s command, and each other’s opinion if logical.

2. Ordering each other about the breastfeeding in a good manner

3. Consulting with each other

A fourth meaning is said byAminul IslamTabarsi : “You manage among you the affairs of the child and the taking care of his mother so that not to make the child miss his mother’s kindness ...”133

In all the four notions, there are joint concepts that respect woman’s personality, consulting with her, and respecting her opinion in family and children’s concerns. The Holy Qur’an commands: Discuss with each other, suggest ideas, and accept each other’s opinions. This verse in general denies the superiority of men or fathers. Therefore, the husband and wife should cooperate and consult with each other regarding the physical and mental education and growth of children. The husband should not impose his own opinion and tendency on the others.