Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

Child Psychology

Author: Mohamed A. Khalfan

Table of Contents

1- Teach the Child to Think 5

In Two Hands 5

Result Is Stupendous 6

2- Treat the Child as an Adult 7

Develops Personality 7

3- Allow the Child to Speak 9

Do you allow your child to speak? 9

Legacy of Languages 9

Language As an Asset 9

4- "Touch & Tie" the Child 11

Touch & Caress 11

5- Let the Child be a Child 12

Fear -Mental Normalcy 12

6- Spare the Child from Inferiority Complex  14

A Tale of Slippers 14

Sijdah (Prostration} 15

5- Let the Child be a Child(Part 2 of 3) 16

Behavioural Traits 16

The Catalogue of Examples 16

6- Spare the Child from Inferiority Complex (Part 3 of 3) 18

Precautions At Home 18

Agony of Funny Name 18

Acting Like A Boss 19

Children Shoot School-mates 19

Electiveness of Sijdah 20

7- Intruct the Child Once Only for Better 21

Attention & Compliance 21

Another Dimension 21

8- The Child's FIrst Participation in a Religious 23

Planning & Preparation 23

Self-identity 23

Clock 9- Introduce the Child to the Clock  25

Graphic and Vivid 25

Sense and Value of Time 25

10- The Child with Culture of Reading is More 27

Visionary 27

The Difference 27

Fertile Mind 27

Message is Simple 28

11- The Child and his Concept of Allah swt 29

Polishing or Polluting! 29

Religious Duty 29

12- The Culture of Talking to Allah swt 31

Family is the Loser 31

It Is Simple 32

13- The Child let Sulking Ceases Sulking  33

The Doors To Graduation 33

Resoundingly & Resolutely 33

14- Gaining Vision from Family History  35

Lessons For Right Vision 35

Importance In Timing 35

Tribute To The Grandfather 36

15- School Enrollment with a Spring-Board  37

16- Mother's True Love for Son is Sharing his with his Wife 39

Culture of Taboos 39

Fake Headache 40

Tearful Scenes 40

17- Smart Shoes and the Child 42

Verses Are Enlightening 42

18- Childhood Trauma 43

Cold And Cruel 43

Death Is Mercy 44

19-Slip of Expletives in Conversation - As a Habit 45

Apologetic Approach 45

20- Foster Charitable Nature in the Child  47

When Old and Infirm 47

Portions However Small 47

21- Childhood Nickname can Stunt Personality  50

A girl 50

Life-long Torture 50

Odd Exception 51

22- Disciplinarian Parents on the Wrong Footing  52

Bundle Of Energy 52

Dictates Of His Nature 52

23- Favouring Boys is Wronging Girls among  54

Children 54

The Lesser Child 54

Self Intimidation 54

24- Groom the Child in the Art of Conversation  56

25- The Child and his world of Fantasy  58

Fantasy of Successes 58

Fanciful Dreams 58

26- The Child's "Books & Buddies" 60

A Word of Compliment 60

27- Allow the Child his Moments of Privacy  62

Curling Posture 62

Personality 62

28- Save the Child from Risk of School Antipathy  64

A Real Dilemma 64

Highly Spirited 65

The Message 65

29- Make the Child Understand Prejudice 67

Culture, colour or faith 67

Who Is A Stereotype ? 67

30- Handle the Child's Fragile Trust with Care 69

Say Hello 69

Self-preservation 70

1- Teach the Child to Think

The sports teacher is asking the boy if he would like to join the school sports. The boy curves his lips into an uncertain shy smile as he turns to his father who promptly obliges with a reply: "yes; certainly yes". The teacher is now asking the boy direct- ly what sports he is fancying and the boy again turns to his father with the repetition of that clumsy smile on his face. The father replies:

"Cricket. Yes, he should like it". The teacher is asking the boy: "Which team"? And the father replies: "The Green". The teacher now turns to the father and inquires if cricket is the boy's own choice because it requires a good deal of learning and practicing and that meant also thinking………by him!

As the couple were leaving the sports ground, the father wished there was someone to assure him that the teacher was not rude to him, and that someone could only be the boy who had heard the teacher's last remark in the conversation, but then he sighed - if only the boy was thinking the same thing! No, the boy was not because he was not let to do thinking. He was affectionately being protected from making wrong decisions by not letting him make any decisions.

Teach the child the practice of thinking. Once the practice is mastered, he will then do more than thinking. He will learn and want to reflect and ponder "naturally" which is not always normal with all adults! No wonder, Islam wants the believers to exercise the independence of mind in order to cultivate conviction about Truth (Haq).

The Qur'an compares those who do not think as worse than the vilest of animals. "Surely, the vilest of animals in Allah's sight, are the deaf, the dumb who do not think". (8:22). With the practice of thinking rooted, the mind will be prone to critical scrutiny:

and independent judgment. Such mind will not easily be susceptible to the out- side or alien influence especially in the present age of electronic media which is employed to control the mind of the viewers and manipulate "public opinion" to suit the establishments with vested interests. With mind shielded, values remain intact and decisions pop up prompt and sound.

In Two Hands

With the rein of mind tight in one's own two hands, the child when adult, will not waver or be fickle in making important decisions judiciously. He will not borrow for himself decisions from others who can never put themselves squarely in his place; will never take refuge in the false safety of a status quo and leave matters unresolved simply because to him, to take the initiative of making decision is to gamble.

The passage of this life is punctuated with problems. When a problem is born approach it to dictate your terms before it grows big enough to approach you and dictate its terms while looking down on you with your back to the wall. But that calls for an immediate and bold decision-making capacity. Good many people lack it because they as children were not allowed to build it up. They were not taught to think.

So engage the child in the exercise of decision-making on matters that concern him, though he should fully know that the final decision is the parents'. Would he prefer a school bus with a larger seating capacity or smaller and why? A lunch box to the school or money for purchase from the school canteen and why? Should he choose a desk right in front tomorrow when he. with other students, moves to a promoted class? Would he want his bed placed this way or that? These are only examples and there arise a number of occasions for such decision-making.

Result Is Stupendous

The result is stupendous in terms of fast thinking and self-confidence. The parents will often find the child coming up with certain requests in which there are options and he had already considered all of them and preferred one with ready reasons, even if the reasons are weak or bad. This is true as the child grows up.

A child so trained, when faced with a proposal from his teenage friends for a leisure programme out, which does not seem quite alright, will say: "No" on his own authority instead of the meek: "No, my parents will not approve of it".

The exercise will naturally include the situations where the child will consider also the economic options with a view to saving money. This is because in the course of the engagement in the exercise of reasoning and decision-making the issue of money will be surfacing and he will have learnt in some degrees the discipline in money management.

A child who has not been raised to think and therefore, to do reasoning invites emotions to help and fill the gap. As adult, he is likely to make worse decisions for himself more through emotions than reasoning. The road to hell in this life is paved with emotional decisions!

2- Treat the Child as an Adult

A child on his first day in the school leaves his desk, walks to his class teacher and whispers to her something which she fails to understand until later. The child was using that funny word which was coined for him by the parents for "toilet" since he was a toddler.

Perhaps the child even at the schooling age was still being soothed to sleep with the lullaby songs! He was not let to grow up mentally also. It is a real problem facing the child if he is the only child in the family.

Talk to the child -almost - as you would to an adult. Do not under-estimate his grasping power. Even if. his grasping level "seems" low, this approach will trigger it up. It will develop at a greater pace.

When the child inquires. as he would often do as any inquisitive child, about the natural phenomena or historical events or a simmering political issue or a debate raging among adults on a social or communal issue or any aspect of Islam, do not ignore him believing that they are beyond his grasp; nor provide a cursory or simplistic explanation to reveal that you find him not worthy for a full and sincere answer.

By doing so, you will be impressing upon him quite disastrously that he is mentally too far behind for this "information" or that the subjects inquired are the exclusive purview of the adults and that he should not be trespassing such mental domains of "others". When the child catches up as an adult, he will be having too many other new and intimate things to inquire and know about and. perhaps not any more those that he had asked about and was spurned. Is it wonder therefore, that we have among us adults who have shallow or no knowledge about the causes of the natural phenomena!

like earthquake, volcano, eclipse, lunar vis a vis solar calendars or the two world wars or slavery or the origin of his sect, etc. An inquisitive mind of a child is also retentive. It is a different mind when he is later in a primary school.

Never ask the child to leave the adults' company in the lounge and go to his room when visitors have arrived on a courtesy call or a social visit. On the contrary, grab the opportunity by asking him to leave the recluse of his room and join the group. The purpose is manifold and the results diverse.

Develops Personality

Let the child witness and learn what the adults talk about and how they talk or argue. He will find that they do not interject, they do not all talk at the same time. they do not raise their voice, they do not swear. In fact the child may find that the behaviour of the visitor or visitors is refined and polished as compared to that of his parents! Do not fail to introduce him to the visitors if they are meeting him for the first time.

This gives him a self-confidence and with it, develops his personality. His presence in the adult group will create in him an appetite for adult-subjects. In the course of talk, create a suitable opportunity of raising a subject of the child's interest, like his studies, school, madrassa, sports and ask him for a latest information in order to join him in the talk of the group and break the ice.

Or ask him for information which will be of interest to the visitors and which you know he has. like: "what do we have for our guests -hot or cold"? or "I forgot, who preached last Thursday"? or "What was the subject of the preaching"? In fact there can be a number of likely current and pertinent information that the child can be asked. The psychological effect is startling. He will perceive himself a knowledgeable part of the, adult group. But at the same time do not detain him longer if the visitors are boring f or the anchor types!

The typical child's shyness will evaporate paving way for the in-flow of self,-confidence. The child on approaching the youth age is most likely to engage in matured conversation on his own right with the adults who are a generation or two ahead. He will have broaden his horizon and enhanced his vision of what the world is all about and tailor his social inter-action accordingly ahead of his age.

How disturbing instead to find some parents still using that funny word coined for "wash-room" for the child when he was a toddler! The child is not allowed to grow mentally.

Live on Wits. The whole purpose is to prepare the child mentally for the responsibilities of the earthly life and spiritual obligations much earlier while others of his age are behind and in the hard way of self-preparation -so that he fares better. Remember, this is a cold cruel world after all. Those who live on the wits of certainties and self-confidence survive better than those on the vicissitudes of chances.

In about the year 1954 a public meeting was convened for the purpose of forming a Tenants Association and seeking legislation to protect the interest of the tenants.

When a reporter asked why a young boy of about 22 was elected to the responsible I post of the Secretary, the Chairman of about 60 replied that the boy too came for- ward and spoke his mind seeing himself equal to those elderly who spoke their mind; and that they all being equal, the big difference in his age was the plus point for his unopposed election!

According to the holy Qur'an, one earns according to what one struggles for. "And that man shall have nothing but what he strives for"(53:39). Age is not a barrier. Parents should steer and set the child onto the fields of struggle. Taqwa is a crucial one among such fields: "And whoever desires the hereafter and strives for it as he ought to strive and he is a believer; (as for) these, their striving shall surely be accepted. " (17: 19).

It is reported that in a community of boat people somewhere in a Far East jungle, children are let into the water and learn to float, like adults, even before they can walk!

3- Allow the Child to Speak

A prisoner misbehaving in the prison is sometimes punished by a confinement in a solitary cell. Sometimes the prisoner shouts to satisfy himself that he spoke. at least to the wall.

The human ability to speak is the Creator's blessing. To be able to speak in as many languages as possible is even a greater blessing. To prevent a person from speaking at all or for a period of time is an emotional agony. It is for this reason that a patient who is in a coma is more likely to show an eager sign of some slight response temporarily when spoken to repeatedly.

Do you allow your child to speak?

Speak? Indeed he does -loud and clear -and perhaps. at times. Incessantly; but not in as many languages as his parents speak or his grand-parents spoke. And there can be no valid reasons for it except that the parents never thought about the importance of the tradition of teaching the child all the family-languages as a resplendent string of a family-legacy.

It is said that a child can acquire the ability to speak up to seven languages by the age of nine if he is faced with the necessity of communicating in those languages for this daily needs -such is the natural propensity or aptitude for languages in a child - while he is a child -and this is by the divine design of the Creator not without a purpose. Examples of four languages are not rare yet in certain communities in East Africa. What does the holy Qur'an reveal to us about this?

"And one of His signs is the creation of the heaven and the earth and the diversity of your tongues and colours; most surely there are signs in this for the learned"(30:22)

Legacy of Languages

There are other communities too across the world who speak more than one language, - three or four. This comes about because the parents and teachers in the communities speak with the children in the languages which the parents know. The result is a legacy of languages in the family not for the sake of it, but for ensuring that the children, who will later find themselves in their life on their own, are well equipped for a competitive and gainful interaction in the human society. Speaking more than one language is a social accomplishment.

The slaves on their transportation across the Atlantic were laid down flat and chained together in the tiered bunks like tinned salmon (fish). They had to be brought up onto the upper deck of the ship periodically for a short spell of the essential sunshine and physical exercise. The only possible weapon they could have and of which the captain and the crew were afraid was the knowledge of more than one tribal language among the slaves. They were shipped in such groups as would comprise them of different tribes speaking one different language so as to daunt any attempt of staging a mutiny with the precision planning and timing. This was because communication is power; the more the language-media for it, the stronger the base of this power.

Language As an Asset

For a person speaking more languages is a socio-cultural asset with economic dimensions. Every language is a worthy component of the asset. This asset is enviable by those who as a community or a nation speak only one language - generation after generation.

To let the child gain the asset during the period of early childhood is within the control of the parents who themselves have so gained. When the period of childhood is over, and if the child has not been let to gain the asset in the family in continuation of the legacy, a 'crime' will have been committed against the child by no others than his own parents. The child when adult will have no legacy of 'competitiveness in languages' to pass on. The child will remember the parents, not kindly, for this thoughtless and myopic omission or, worse still, parental negligence.

4- "Touch & Tie" the Child

An Indian mother sits on the floor with her legs stretched close together. She lays her baby on her lap with its head resting on her knees. And the exercise or "ritual" of massaging and caressing of the entire body of the baby begins with a liberal use of oil, abundant manifestation of affection and derivation of pleasure; and this goes on and on. She never seems to tire while the oil lasts -though no spot has been missed. The baby responds to the caressing and cooing by the mother - by purring like a kit- ten who has its neck tickled.

This is a common scene in homes in India and Pakistan; and was so in East Africa too. Whether the traditional massage with "religious regularity" during the infancy is a culture or a healthcare or both, the distinct significance and effect of the mother's touch and caress on the baby cannot be under-estimated.

I would call the culture "Touch & - Tie" for it is believed to have the effect of tying the baby subconsciously in devotion and loyalty towards the mother and the family for ) manifestation prominently later in his adult life.

Touch & Caress

It should not be viewed as surprising if some of the small children in an orphanage are on occasions seen leaving their separate beds at night to join others asleep in their separate beds. The touch of legs or hands provides the satisfaction of human- warmth and a sense of security when the touch and caress from their mothers are missing.

Reportedly, patients in hospitals appear to be closer and warmer to their physiotherapists than their general physicians whose services. on the other hand, are even more important to them.

The spell of quality-life a person has is during the infancy period of touch and caress at the time of breast-feeding -without however, being able to realize or quantify the benefits of its effect on his adult life later. Fortunately, no one normally misses the spell. What can be missing is a complimentary benefit from the touch and caress through massaging during that period.

Oil massage is messy, of course, to that mother who is unprepared for it; and so is 'cooking', but then the family needs affection and loyalty as much as the 'daily food'. How interesting! Is it not the mutual affection and loyalty within the family which also ensures the provision of daily food for all in the family?

5- Let the Child be a Child

A child was visited at home by his friend. That night the child declined to sleep in his room. He insisted on joining the parents in their bedroom. The fear of his room was triggered when the friend asked the child if he was not afraid to sleep so close to a window when ghosts and spirits peep directly into the room.

The tactful approach to the situation should have been for the parents to accede to what the child had pleaded for, at least, for that night knowing that such fears wear off or become much less the next day. Instead they thought it a good opportunity to enforce the parental discipline over the child so that he abandons what was perceived as a "sissy" trait.

The parents, after a peaceful sleep with no sense of guilt, woke up in the morning fully pleased with the result of their "putting the foot down". And they would not ask the child how he slept because that would have undermined the disciplinary strategy of the night. Indeed Why?

Needless to say, the child was restless that night because - he was a human-child, - and if only the parents knew that! "Why believe in a ghost or spirit when you have seen none and will see none of them ever in your life"? The father's argument kept ringing in the child's ears; and he would ask himself: "Indeed why"?

The child was betraying nothing more than a simple natural fear of an Unseen -never seen before -because he, as human, has been created in the nature of readily believing in the Unseen that Unseen which basically includes Allah, Angels, Jinnat (Spirits) and Shaitaan CSatan). No Wonder that the fundamental teaching in Islam is "AI- Imaan bil Ghaib" that is, "the Belief in the Unseen".CVerse 2:3).

Therefore, the human nature makes a wood-cutter instinctively cry out when his axe accidentally falls sharply on his foot, though he is all alone in the forest. The instinct in its reflex response makes him, the created, to cry out to his Creator, the Unseen.

Fear -Mental Normalcy

The subject of "Al-ghaib" reveals one thoughtful aspect for discussion here. Fear! It is part of the instinct for self-preservation or survival. It is not something that a child can be made ashamed of. In fact, manifestation of fear is a welcome sign of a mental normalcy in him.

The parents should instead keep the mind of the child at rest by making a joke of their own past embarrassment Over false fears or by cracking a few jokes on themselves on the subject.

To ask the child to banish fear is like asking him to banish his human instinct. Remember the wood-cutter? Was his piercing cry of moan in the lonely forest a waste? No! It immediately comforted him in his pain. The instinct of Seeking out the Unseen with a cry of moan comes as an immediate relief to all of us. But we do not pause to ponder.

It is said that fear as part of the human instinct begins even before a baby is born. Some pregnant mothers are reported to have noticed that a sudden loud noise or a. sudden let go heavily onto the couch produced distinct signs of disturbance in the baby in the womb akin to the Signs of fear.

Fear in Children. Let us conclude the discussion by the comments on the following quotation from a good authority on the natural aspect of fear in the children:

"Another characteristic of the child's personality is the presence of many fears. These fears result from uncertainty combined with easy recourse to imagination. The imagination runs toward superlatives and when a child indulges in fantasy, things are either very attractive or very threatening."

We can ascribe a reason for this in the context of Islam; Imagination by the child or his fantasy is a phase of manifestation of his attempt at perceiving things which are and remain Unseen. The child's negative fear of the worst" because it is caused by his uncertain of an Unseen like ghost and spirit itself indicates one impor- tant thing, -the existence of the natural positive capacity also for "submission to the best", that is, his Creator, -in the realm of the Unseen -because it is derived from 'certainty' which is "Al lmaan bil Ghaib".

So let the child be a child under the dictates of a child's nature while he as a child gropes in the dark for light, that is, knowledge leading to faith and then conviction, which he attains one after the other regarding the Unseen later in his adult life.

6- Spare the Child from Inferiority Complex

(Part 1 of 3) A young person enters a crowded mosque or imambara through the front door a sermon or preaching is going on. Believing that all eyes are on him, he unconsciously touches his nose once or twice with his hand before he finds a place This is not an inferiority complex; - only shyness. - that type which shows.

While shyness is an embarrassment if there is awareness that it shows, an inferiority complex is an agony. It is not fairly easy to adjust to if it begins in childhood, mostly cultivated in the child by the parents unknowingly. It affects the personal' the child when an adult. It is only fair that parents are advised in detail on the subject, which is known generally more by its name than substance. The length of discussion will necessitate presentation to be in three separate parts.

The complex in a person is not as much a feeling of inferiority or "seeing onself small" -as believing that others see him so. This belief is not always true. It take a form of an obsession in rare cases if the condition is severe originating childhood. Flattered Let us consider one example: A boy is flattered when a group of older boys eng in smoking -and to him they are an 'elite group' because not many of that age s cigarettes -"favours" him with a few puffs -the first spell in his life -and he tries to suppress the bouts of coughing attendant with nausea. He finds himself a happy boy without having to tolerate any more puffs. But then, the elite group who exhibit the supposed manhood-personality will see him as "inferior" to them. This presumption braves him for more spells of smoking to set him on the path of habitual smoking.

As no sane person is perfectly and fully sane; no person is also fully or entirely free from the condition under discussion. However, the condition becomes a "complex" and known as such only when It exceeds the normal level In a person.

The feeling of being "small" is natural and right with a small child when he finds him- self truly so in size in the family. The family is his only world and the father the only hero he idolizes. So he likes to imitate the behaviour and actions of his father (girl with those of the mother) as his model (hero) to counter the feeling of being small and to impress himself and others in the family that he is catching up with his model in behaviour and actions, if not in size.

A Tale of Slippers

Let us consider a pertinent example: The father with severe coughing is alarmed to find that his small child has also started coughing. He is not only relieved but also amused when assured by the doctor that the child was imitating him -and what a "natural" actor for his age!

Another example: The small child clumsily walks with a pair of father's slippers on, and often loses balance. The family seeing his interest and labour in the use of slippers buy him a pair of his size which he uses for an hour or longer until the novelty of the new slippers (like a new toy) wears off. Then the child ignores the pair of his comfortable size and resumes the use of his father's -because it is not the slippers f which are the point of focus for him.

The child therefore expects from the parents nothing less than an affectionate acknowledgement and approval of his single-minded adoration of the parents and imitation of their behaviour. He -equipped by his own trust in himself -trusts them.

With such a position of trust, however, it is often the parents who can cause unknowingly the rise in the condition gradually and steadily in the child above the normal level and place the first fateful layer as the base for an inferiority complex. Once this occurs, the base then attracts a pile up of more layers, one after the other, from out- side the home -in school, sports ground, in meetings, debate -and the ugly edifice of the complex will have been raised.

Normally it is not possible for the parents or others to detect the condition in a person nor attribute any particular behaviour of the moment to the influence of the complex. What is worse is that the person who undergoes the nagging belief that he is being seen small or unimportant also believes that the condition is normal with others too, as victims, in the society.

Sijdah (Prostration}

However, the condition varies from person to person in traits and also in degrees (that is, in the number of layers) among those who are subject. Those who grow learning not to attach undue importance to the glitters of this transient world instead cultivate the conviction of a better life in the Hereafter are the persons can very well adjust themselves in their adult life and wear off the condition.

Sijidah, if its significance is well understood, can, for example, serve as an antidote. The face, the best visible part of the body is brought down to the lowest level possible where the leg, accustomed to dirt, tread; and then intoned is the moving testimony: that "All Glory to My Lord only - the Exalted" -while all other human beings - His slaves -are lowly and insignificant except for what He bestows on them out His Grace. No wonder, there appears no inclination to lift up the face from the spiritually soothing posture of Sijdah but then for every next Sijdah the head has to be once again!.

The Bible too mentions about the Sijdah practiced by the previous Prophets appropriate occasions. How surprising that a person of whatever station of life c through his profound humbleness to his Lord enjoy a sense of superiority in the society in that respect and dictate values in his relation with others on the position strength derived from that humbleness.

"The nearest position of man's servitude (a bondsman) to Allah is when he is in t state of prostration (sijdah)". Hadeeth of the Prophet. And then, the holy Qur'an also repeatedly questions us if we, the mortals, have n traversed the earth and seen what have remained of those in the past who thought themselves to be mighty and ever-lasting. and sensed themselves superior in material terms during their time of pomp in this life.

5- Let the Child be a Child(Part 2 of 3)

Behavioural Traits

CAUTION: The few examples of various shades of the complex catalogued herein are from such broad general experience as is common in the society. They have been "framed" only to illustrate the fluid nature of the behavioural traits.

IMPORTANT: It is important to gain the right perspective of the subject under discussion through the Islamic point of view which is as follows: A human being rightly senses his self-importance but he fails to realise that the feel- ing originates sub-consciously from the fact that the nature in which he has been created acknowledges that he is the most dignified as a member of mankind among other creatures (ashraful makhluqaa) and that too created by the best of the creators (ahsanul khaliqeen).

However, the mistake man does is by wanting to relate his self-importance to the human assessment -that is, how best the society sees him, - and not in his relation to his Creator as to how best He judges him. Therefore, a complex of inferiority or a sense of superiority on the basis of a human judgment indicates a serious weakness of faith -if observed in a Muslim.

8n1all children being human are no different from adults. They too by nature are concerned with their shades of self-importance. Their family being the only world they know, they too are made to feel concerned as to how their parents judge them. They are sensitive to a negative judgment. Their reaction is however different from that of adults when they become a subject of an inferiority complex.

The Catalogue of Examples

Let us examine first the examples of the traits in adults. There are those among adults who adjust themselves by adopting an introvert approach of moving among the close circles they have known for years. They would not venture into new, unknown or larger circles of people. But then there are also those who are extrovert in approach and engross themselves in countering the condition by trying to attract attention to themselves and register their importance on others. Frankly, there are no reasons for having to do any of these.

To attract attention to oneself or to want to register one's importance on others is normal, if it is within reasons and up to a point. For example, this is common with a younger person who is flattered to be in a company of the people older in age and. among them, perhaps many with new or distinguished faces.

It is however, not normal where a person betrays the following traits, as examples only, in his behaviour while in a company of people or at meetings. He pays little attention to the chain of discussion going on because his mind is engaged in wanting to create an opportunity of saying something or he would abruptly interrupt to introduce anew subject of his liking; or he would drop names of important persons known to him while there is no direct relevance to the discussion. All these are in the attempt to impress his importance so that he is not seen small or a person of little importance, which he wrongly thinks he is seen.

For more examples; the subject purportedly reveals solemnly an important and sensitive information, which is exaggerated, if not false; or he publicises a small honour done to him by 'complaining' that he did not deserve it but, was pressed into accepting it, or raises the same small or petty argument, long forgotten, to renew his lame defence. or goes on defending his opinion or judgment though he knows that it is glaringly wrong.

What is worse. he misinterprets good intentions towards him. Or he makes a mountain out of a mole-hill when he is offended unintentionally or his is a lone opposition to a proposal which is favoured by a large consensus in a meeting, without an alter- native suggestion from him because what is important to him is that he spoke -with- out being seen to toe the lines of those in large majority whom he perceives' falsely as 'elite' or superior to him. A combination of any of such behaviours with a degree 7, of consistency indicates the tell-tale signs of the condition which is above normal, - the complex of inferiority. An ear-ring!

One more trait which is prevalent among young persons who are affected is to "borrow from the reflection of the importance" of celebrities, like musicians, actors, sportsmen, and "proudly" bask under their infectious reflection. They do so by imitating the trends set by them in the fashion of clothes, greetings, walking gait or any aspect of face (or one ear) adornment, or hair-cut - however peculiar or unconventional they may be for males -in the society. They attempt to borrow from the reflection of the importance of others because they see themselves -or believe that others see them -as lacking in their own individual importance (self-identity).

Imagine, a cricketer, a hero himself to the millions of cricket fans, revealing such a weak personality. This may be a sign that the complex originating from his childhood has yet to wear off, if it ever will!