Alhassanain(p) Network for Heritage and Islamic Thought

Lesson Five: Men’s and Women’s BeingAt the Same Place

Introduction

Men’s and women’s being at the same place, represents, in general, a fertile land for falling in a lot of behavioral and psychological deviations, a land which may tempt the human being to find him/ herself, from these two aspects, at a point at which he/ she has lost all the psychological defenses against the insinuations of the devils and the calling for evil soul, at which he/ she has turned to be a victim under the control of cursed Satan and away from the divine mercy.

Such areas where both men and women are present are, in fact, from the easy targets towards which Satan and his soldiers direct all their weapons and seductions and embellishments and illusions, so that they will defeat the human being and so that the aim of cursed Satan will be accomplished: ([Satan] said, ‘O my Lord! Because You misled me, I shall indeed adorn the path of error for them on the earth, and I shall mislead them all * Except Your chosen slaves among them)[53].

From here, men’s and women’s being at the same place implies a special danger which makes it necessary to get acquainted with the religious limits which prevent the human being from falling into the trap of Satan and his soldiers and which supply the human being with the requisite protection and invulnerability in order to remain honorable in this life and in order to gain salvation in the hereafter.

What Is the Meaning of Men’s and Women’s Being at the Same Place?

Men’s and women’s being at the same place means the meeting of the men and the women at one place, whether a house, a market, a road, etc. Then, any meeting for one of the sexes with the other sex is considered to be involved in this definition.

Being illustrated with this general meaning, men’s and women’s being at the same place can be avoided with respect to one person or two persons. But it is absolutely difficult to avoid it with respect to the society in general because the human being usually lives in a society where both men and women are present. Also, the members of the society have exchanged needs, which makes it difficult to impose the complete isolation between the men and the women. Even more, we notice that men and women are present at the same place even in some major religious issues, such as: the pilgrimage and the fight for God’s sake. It is related in the biography of The Greatest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that the women used to get out with him for war in order to cure the wounded, to supply the fighters with water, etc.

Reduction of Men’s and Women’s Being at the Same Place

The fact that the men’s and women’s being at the same place is necessary in some issues does not present a sufficient excuse to give up to it and to agree on it whatever. This is so because necessities are limited to their requisite rate. Therefore, men’s and women’s being at the same place must be reduced to the most possible extent as The Noble Qur’an guides us to in the stories of the Talker with God, Prophet Musa(God’s peace bestowed upon him and upon our Prophet and his Household) and the two daughters of His prophet Shou’aib(God’s peace bestowed upon him and upon our Prophet and his Household) . The Most High God says, (And we he arrived at the water of Madyan [Midian], he found there a group of men watering ]their flocks], and beside them he found two women who were keeping back ]their flocks]. He said, “What is the matter with you?” They said, “We can not water [our flocks] until the shepherds take [their flocks]. And our father is a very old man.”)[54]

The Forbidden Privacy

The sacred doctrine forbids that sort of men’s and women’s being at the same place which reaches the extent of the privacy between the marriageable man and woman under certain conditions which Imam Al-Khomeini(May his secret be sacred) referred to in saying, “If the man and the woman meet in a place of privacy where nobody is present and where nobody else is able to enter and if they fear to commit something forbidden, they must get out of the place.”[55]

It is enough even if the forbidden part in the privacy place is

restricted to the forbidden look only. Such a privacy is forbidden in itself. It is related in the narrative ascribed to The Prince of the Believers Imam Ali(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “Let no man be in privacy with a woman because whenever a man is in privacy with a woman, the devil is the third one there.”[56]

It is related to Imam Al-Sadik(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “God’s prophet (God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) imposed on women a commitment not to wail, scratch themselves, and sit with men alone.”

The Standards of the Permissible Men’s and Women’s Being at the Same Place

If no privacy takes place, men’s and women’s being at the same place is not forbidden in itself. But this does not mean that there are no religious limits. When the man and the woman are present at the same place with each other, there are several limits which must be taken in consideration and which must be avoided. Here we mention some of these limits.

1 - Grooming and Adorning: Grooming and adornment are from the things which the woman is forbidden to show to the marriageable men. It is related in the forbiddances discourse ascribed to The Prophet( God ’ s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household ) that he said,“ He [wanting God] forbade that she adorns for anybody rather than her husband. If she does, God will burn her in fire.”

2- Fragrance and Perfume: The fragrance and the perfume are also judged as grooming is; but the difference lies in that the grooming is sensed by the sight whereas the perfume is sensed by the smell. If the evil is probable, she is forbidden to get out of her house and to be with the marriageable men at the same place while she is being perfumed. It is ascribed to Jaber ibn Yazeed that he said,“ I heard Abou Jaafar Mohammad ibn Ali Al- Baker (God ’ s peace bestowed upon him) saying,‘ She is not permitted to perfume when she gets out of her house.’”

Getting out is just an example for what gives chance for men’s

and women’s being at the same place. Forbiddance is not exclusive to getting out; it is applicable to men’s and women’s being at the same place in general even if it takes place inside the house.

3- Touching the Marriageable Person and Shaking Hands: Touching and shaking hands are from the evils related to the sense of touch, so it is forbidden to touch the skin of the marriageable person. It is ascribed to God’ s prophet( God ’ s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household ) that he said,“ He who shakes hands with a woman while it is forbidden to do so is going to come on the Day of Judgment shackled and then is going to be ordered to the Fire.”

It is ascribed to Imam Mohammad Al-Baker(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “The woman is not permitted to shake hands with a marriageable man but when the hand is covered with a veil.”

Forbiddance, therefore, applies to both men and women: The man is forbidden to shake hands with the marriageable woman, and the woman is forbidden to shake hands with the marriageable man.

This noble verse indicates the seriousness of the role of The Prophet’s(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) wives and indicates that they are asked, before the other women are asked, to abide to these Islamic duties which are general for all the Muslims. From these duties is not to speak in a soft i. e. coquettish way. The Muslim woman, therefore, must speak in an honorable way and must turn away from the ways which seduce the listening men, especially those in whose hearts are diseases.

The believing men and women must lower their gazes and not fix their looks at each other. It is ascribed to The Noblest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that he said, “God’s wrath increases on a married woman who quenches her sight by looking at somebody rather than her husband or at a marriageable man. Once she does so, The Most Glorified and Reverent God aborts everything she does…”[57]

It is ascribed to Imam Abou Abdullah Al-Sadik(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “Looking is one of Satan’s poisoned arrows. How many a times has a look resulted in a long sorrow!” [58]It is also ascribed to him (God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “A look after a look plants the desire in the heart, and it is sufficient to seduce the looker.” [59]If it is a look with a desire, then even the first look is forbidden.

6 - Joking and Much Laughing: The woman must preserve her honorability when she is present at the same place with marriageable men, and she must not give herself vent to look as if she has a frivolous character which is easily turned with the fancies. Much joking and laughing are from the issues which show the woman as being frivolous and non grave in this society where both men and women are present. Because of this, it is related in the narrative ascribed to God’ s prophet( God ’ s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household ) that he said,“ He who jokes with a woman who is not his own wife will have

Joking deletes the psychological limits and paves the way in front of any probable slipping.

Abou Baseer said, “I was teaching Qur’an to one woman, and I joked with her about something. When I went to Abou Jaafar [Imam Al- Baker](God’s peace bestowed upon him) , he asked me, ‘What did you say to the woman?’ So, I covered my face. He(God’s peace bestowed upon him) said to me, ‘Do not do that again. ’”

These are the major standards which must be taken into consideration when men and women are present at the same place.

Summary

Men’s and women’s being at the same place represents, in general, a fertile land for falling in a lot of behavioral and psychological deviations.

Since men’s and women’s being at the same place is dangerous, it is necessary to get acquainted with the religious limits which prevent the human being from falling into the trap of Satan and which supply the human being with the requisite protection and invulnerability.

Men’s and women’s being at the same place means the meeting of the marriageable men and the women at the same place, whether a house, a market, a road, etc. Then, any meeting for one of the sexes with the other sex is considered to be involved in this definition.

The sacred doctrine forbids that sort of men’s and women’s being at the same place which reaches the extent of the privacy between the marriageable man and woman. There are two basic points which result in the forbiddance of the privacy:

1- To be alone in a place where nobody else can enter

2- Not to be safe from evil, even if the evil is restricted to the limit of the forbidden look

When men and women are present at the same place, there are several limits which must be taken into consideration and which must be avoided. Here we mention some of these limits:

1- Grooming and adorning

2- Fragrance and perfume

3- Touching the marriageable person and shaking hands

4- Speaking in a seductive way i. e. coquettishly

5- Going too far in looking

6- Joking and much laughing

Comprehension Questions

1- What are the social consequences of men’ s and women’ s being at the same place?

2- What is meant by men’ s and women’ s being at the same place?

3- What is the difference between men’ s and women’ s being at the same place and the forbidden privacy?

4- What are the two conditions which fulfill the forbidden privacy?

5- What must the woman take into consideration and avoid in the councils where both men and women are present?

For Reading

Khadija bint Khouwayled (God’s peace bestowed upon her): The Sacrifice to Preserve the Message

When The Noblest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) was being hurt and was facing the difficulties, there was at the same time someone who was appeasing him, easing his pains, and driving away his worries and sorrows. That person is the great woman: Khadija bint Khouwayled(God’s peace bestowed upon her) .

The presence of Khadija(God’s peace bestowed upon her) was an important factor in the life of The Noblest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) and in the life of Islam at its very beginning. Had not her presence been of this great importance, it would not have been so hard for The Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) to lose her and her death would not have been so painful for him: He(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) called the year in which she passed away “The Year of Sorrows”, and he continued to remember her and her grace the whole of his lifetime.

When Sayyda Khadija(God’s peace bestowed upon her) got married to God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) , she did not spare any effort to dedicate all her financial and spiritual capabilities for the sake of helping him.

She is the one who said to her cousin Waraka ibn Nawfal, “I declare that I have offered all my money and servants to Mohammad, so that he will dispose of them however he wishes.” So, her cousin Waraka ibn Nawal stood between Zamzam [well of blessed water in Makka] and Makam [the Sanctuary] and called most loudly, “O Arabs, Khadija call you to be her witnesses on that she offered herself, her money, her servants, and whatever she owns to Mohammad as a sign of reverence of him and glorification of his status…”

After that, the greatest peril on the message which The Noblest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) faced was the siege Quraish dropped around him, his family, relatives, and Sons of Hashem in general. At that point, Khadija’s(God’s peace bestowed upon her) money was the key for enduring the siege and was the outlet for the ones sieged: She used to buy the food for double its price, so that the sieged people would eat. The three years of siege passed, thus ending with the safety of the people and the frustration of what Quraish plotted against them.

The narratives relate that what Sayyda Khadija(God’s peace bestowed upon her) spent summed up to forty thousand and forty thousand dinars.

Lesson Six: Ashamedness and Chastity

Ashamedness

The Noble Qur’an set forth several models of the righteous woman and indicated their behavior and characteristics, among which is ashamedness. The Most High God says,(And when he arrived at the water of Madyan [Midian], he found there a group of men watering [their flocks], and beside them he found two women who were keeping back [their flocks]. He said, “What is the matter with you?” They said, “We can not water [our flocks] until the shepherds take [their flocks]. And our father is a very old man” *  So he watered [their flocks] for them, then he turned back to shade, and said, “My Lord! Truly, I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me!” * Then there came to him one of the two women, walking shyly. She said, “Verily, my father calls you that he may reward you for having watered [our flocks] for us.” So when he came to him and narrated the story, he said, “Fear you not. You have escaped from the people who are Zalimun [polytheists, disbelievers, and wrong doers])[60].

These verses relate the story of Prophet Musa’s(God’s peace bestowed upon him and upon our Prophet and his Household) meeting with the two daughters of Prophet Shou’aib(God’s peace bestowed upon him and upon our Prophet and his Household) . Also, these verses manifest clearly the ashamedness of these two righteous women in two points.

The first point is: (… They said, “We can not water [our flocks] until the shepherds take ]their flocks]…) They refused to get in among the men, thus preferring to wait till the place would be unoccupied. This has a crystal like association to ashamedness and to the refusal of being with marriageable men at the same place.

The second one is: (Then there came to him one of the two women, walking shyly…) Here is a clear statement of the ashamedness by which the daughter of Prophet Shou’aib(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and upon our prophet and his Household)   was characterized.

Importance of Ashamedness

It is ascribed to God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that he said, “Ashamedness and faith fall in one category; once one of them is lost, the other one follows with it.”[61]

It is ascribed to Imam Jaafar Al-Sadik(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “He who has no ashamedness has no faith.”[62]

These narratives show the intricate association of faith to ashamedness to the extent that faith can not be fulfilled without ashamedness! This means that the lack of ashamedness will be reflected on the conduct of the human being in this life, thus leading it far away from the conduct of the religiously committed believer. Also, since the conduct and the deeds of the human being will be reflected on the hereafter, then non ashamedness in this life will be reflected as a clear loss in the hereafter.

It is ascribed to God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that he said, “He who has no ashamedness in this life is not going to be admitted to Heaven.”[63]

Ashamedness is demanded from the human being in general, but it is demanded from the woman by all means. It is ascribed to God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that he said, “God divided ashamedness into ten parts, thus putting nine parts in the woman and one part in the man.” [64]

Being Ashamed of Whom?

Being Ashamed of What?

It is ascribed to God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that he said, “Ashamedness is all the religion.”[65]Moreover, it is ascribed to Imam Ali(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “Ashamedness keeps the human being away from the performance of abominated deeds.”[66]It is also ascribed to him(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “Ashamedness is the key for every good.”[67]

The whole of these narratives indicates that the human being must be ashamed of committing sins; he/ she must be ashamed of abandoning the duties and of performing the forbiddances. He/ she must be so because he/ she who is ashamed of The Most High God can not, knowing that He is watching him, disobey Him. In addition, he/ she who is ashamed of The Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) can not, knowing that his/ her sin is going to be shown before The Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) , commit sins.

Verily! Ashamedness is all the religion! And what is attached to it is the whole of the religion. With the increase of ashamedness, the religiousness increases. It is ascribed to Imam Ali(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “As much as ashamedness is, as much as chastity is.”[68]

In addition to all of this, there are certain issues which we are going to refer to as terms related to ashamedness.

1- Ashamedness in Secrecy

It is related that when God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) saw a man washing before the people who were watching him, he(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) said, “O people! God likes from His servants the ashamedness and secrecy. Let whomever washing to hide from the people, for ashamedness is the adornment of Islam.”[69]

2- Ashamedness in Looking

The Most High God says, (Tell the believing men to lower their gaze [from looking at forbidden things…)[70]

3- Ashamedness in the Saying

It is ascribed to God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that he said, “God forbade that the Heaven be admitted by every obscene, filthy, and shameless person who cares neither for what he said nor for what it was said about him.”[71]

Chastity

The Meaning of Chastity

Chastity is a psychological characteristic in the human being.

It can be noticed through its impacts on the human being. Some narratives state that these impacts are:

All of these are regarded to be the impacts of the chastity which in turn indicate it.

Chastity from What?

The things which are related to chastity are many. Here we refer to some of them.

Opposites of Ashamedness and Chastity

1- Imitation of the Men: We previously mentioned that there are certain issues which are adequate to the man and other issues which are adequate to the woman. Islam stresses the necessity for each one to abide to what adequates to him/ her, so that the woman will not perform what is adequate to the man and what opposes the ashamedness and chastity because what reforms one of them may corrupt the other one.

The Noblest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) highly emphasized this to the extent that he cursed the woman who turns away from what suits her in order to imitate the men. It is ascribed to him(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that he said, “God cursed the woman who imitates the man, and God cursed the man who imitates the woman.”[72]It is related in the narrative ascribed to Imam Al-Baker(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “The woman is not permitted to imitate the men because God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) cursed the men who imitate the women and cursed the women who imitate the men.”[73]

Imitation takes many forms, and it includes whatever contradicts the nature of the woman but suits that of the man. The clearest form is that of clothes imitation, such that the woman wears the clothes of the man and the man wears the clothes of the woman.

It is originally unnatural that the human being loses his/ her identity. What if the identity [that may be lost] is Islam? !! And what if these values are the divine values and the firm bond after which no guidance can be achieved and rather than which no good can be found? !! How can the human being, in  order  to  adhere  to  the  traditions  and customs which have proved their failure and degradation and which have afflicted the societies with the crises on the level of the security and the moral values, forsake his/ her guidance: (This is the Book]the Qur’an]whereof there is no doubt, a guidance to those who are Al-Mouttaqun ]the pious and the righteous persons who fear Allah mush (abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which He has forbidden) and love Allah much (perform all kinds of good deeds which He has ordained)])?[74]

Due to the danger of the loss of the identity, Islam refuses the imitation of the others even in the most trivial things, even on the level of the form only, in addition to the content. It is ascribed to God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that he said, “Change the hoariness and imitate not the Jews and the Christians.”[75]It is also ascribed to God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) that he said, “Trim the fingers, and imitate not the Jews.”[76]  It is also ascribed to him(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) in a third narrative that he said, “Sweep your yards, and imitate not the Jews.”[77]

Then consider how much he(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) stresses the necessity of educating the society not to imitate the others. The danger lying in this imitation is the loss of the identity as is realized from the following narrative ascribed to The Prince of the Believers Imam Ali ibn Abi Taleb(God’s peace bestowed upon him) . He(God’s peace bestowed upon him) was asked about the discourse of The Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) : “Change the hoariness, and imitate not the Jews.” He(God’s peace bestowed upon him) answered, “He said that at a time the religion was still narrow ranged. Now its range being widened, then everybody is given the choice to do what he wants.”[78]

This signifies that the problem does not lie in the change of the hoariness [i. e. the color of the hair] or not but in the imitation of the Jews. Once imitation takes place, turn away from it even if it takes place in things which there is no objection to in themselves.

His Eminence Imam Al-Khaminaei(May God lengthen his presence among us) says, “The greatest cultural attack is that they [the attackers] have, throughout the long years, taught the brain and its creeds that we are incapable ]by ourselves] and thus we must follow after the west and Europe. This is the cultural invasion. They do not allow us even to trust our capabilities.”

This is with respect to the non forbidden issues. Then what about the imitation that has to do with the religiously forbidden issues which contradict Islam and its doctrine and which are from the great sins which deprive the human being of his/ her religious commitment and make him/ her lose the hereafter and thus testify the Saying of The Most High God: (By Al-Asr ]the time] * Verily! Man is in loss * Except those who do righteous good deeds and recommend one another to the truth and recommend one another to patience)![79]

In this frame, we must differentiate between making benefit of the knowledge and imitating. Knowledge is the quarry of the believer wherever it is, and as it is ascribed to Imam Ali(God’s peace bestowed upon him) that he said, “Knowledge is the goal of the believer.”[80]

Yet, acquisition of knowledge does not mean imitation as Imam Ali Al-Khaminaei  (May God lengthen his presence among us) testifies in his saying, “The Europeans have uncountable wrong deeds and abominated conduct. Why should we learn these deeds from them? . We are Muslims, and we must remain Muslims. They have more knowledge than we have. Well, let us go and learn their knowledge. But why should we learn the customs, culture, conduct, and etiquettes of the social relations from them? What a wrong talk is this?!! Why should we imitate them in their clothes, conduct, etiquettes of the social relations, talk, and even accent? This is a lack of self confidence and a feeling with meanness. Why should I feel meanness? !!. . I am proud of my language! I am proud of my culture! And I am proud of my home and country and history! Why then should I imitate them?”

Summary

Ashamedness is demanded from the human being in general, but it is demanded from the woman by all means. The religiously committed person must be ashamed of:

1- The Most High God

2- The Prophet) God ’ s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household ( and The Imams( (God ’ s peace bestowed upon them (

3 - The angels i. e. those who record the good and bad deeds performed by the human being

4 - The people

5- The self

The narratives indicate that the human being must be ashamed of committing sins. He/she must be so because he/ she who is ashamed of The Most High God can not, knowing that He is looking at him, disobey Him. In addition, he/ she who is ashamed of The Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) can not, knowing that his/ her deed is going to be shown before The Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household) , commit sins.

Chastity leads the human being to abandon the sins and to draw close to The Most High God, and it makes the conduct of the human being be dedicated to obey The Most High God.

From the impacts of chastity are:

1- Abstinence from the desire

2- Asceticism in this life and abstinence from its luxuries

The issues which are related to chastity are: abstinence from disclosing the financial need, chastity as regards insistence on the veil, abstinence from the desire, and abstinence from eating what is forbidden.

From the opposites of chastity are the imitation of the men and the imitation of the West.