Lesson Five: Men’s and Women’s BeingAt the Same Place
Introduction
Men’s and women’s being at the same place, represents, in general, a fertile land for falling in a lot of behavioral and psychological deviations, a land which may tempt the human being to find him/ herself, from these two aspects, at a point at which he/ she has lost all the psychological defenses against the insinuations of the devils and the calling for evil soul, at which he/ she has turned to be a victim under the control of cursed Satan and away from the divine mercy.
Such areas where both men and women are present are, in fact, from the easy targets towards which Satan and his soldiers direct all their weapons and seductions and embellishments and illusions, so that they will defeat the human being and so that the aim of cursed Satan will be accomplished: ([Satan] said, ‘O my Lord! Because You misled me, I shall indeed adorn the path of error for them on the earth, and I shall mislead them all * Except Your chosen slaves among them)
From here, men’s and women’s being at the same place implies a special danger which makes it necessary to get acquainted with the religious limits which prevent the human being from falling into the trap of Satan and his soldiers and which supply the human being with the requisite protection and invulnerability in order to remain honorable in this life and in order to gain salvation in the hereafter.
What Is the Meaning of Men’s and Women’s Being at the Same Place?
Men’s and women’s being at the same place means the meeting of the men and the women at one place, whether a house, a market, a road, etc. Then, any meeting for one of the sexes with the other sex is considered to be involved in this definition.
Being illustrated with this general meaning, men’s and women’s being at the same place can be avoided with respect to one person or two persons. But it is absolutely difficult to avoid it with respect to the society in general because the human being usually lives in a society where both men and women are present. Also, the members of the society have exchanged needs, which makes it difficult to impose the complete isolation between the men and the women. Even more, we notice that men and women are present at the same place even in some major religious issues, such as: the pilgrimage and the fight for God’s sake. It is related in the biography of The Greatest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
that the women used to get out with him for war in order to cure the wounded, to supply the fighters with water, etc.
Reduction of Men’s and Women’s Being at the Same Place
The fact that the men’s and women’s being at the same place is necessary in some issues does not present a sufficient excuse to give up to it and to agree on it whatever. This is so because necessities are limited to their requisite rate. Therefore, men’s and women’s being at the same place must be reduced to the most possible extent as The Noble Qur’an guides us to in the stories of the Talker with God, Prophet Musa(God’s peace bestowed upon him and upon our Prophet and his Household)
and the two daughters of His prophet Shou’aib(God’s peace bestowed upon him and upon our Prophet and his Household)
. The Most High God says, (And we he arrived at the water of Madyan [Midian], he found there a group of men watering ]their flocks], and beside them he found two women who were keeping back ]their flocks]. He said, “What is the matter with you?” They said, “We can not water [our flocks] until the shepherds take [their flocks]. And our father is a very old man.”)
The Forbidden Privacy
The sacred doctrine forbids that sort of men’s and women’s being at the same place which reaches the extent of the privacy between the marriageable man and woman under certain conditions which Imam Al-Khomeini(May his secret be sacred)
referred to in saying, “If the man and the woman meet in a place of privacy where nobody is present and where nobody else is able to enter and if they fear to commit something forbidden, they must get out of the place.”
It is enough even if the forbidden part in the privacy place is
restricted to the forbidden look only. Such a privacy is forbidden in itself. It is related in the narrative ascribed to The Prince of the Believers Imam Ali(God’s peace bestowed upon him)
that he said, “Let no man be in privacy with a woman because whenever a man is in privacy with a woman, the devil is the third one there.”
It is related to Imam Al-Sadik(God’s peace bestowed upon him)
that he said, “God’s prophet
(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
imposed on women a commitment not to wail, scratch themselves, and sit with men alone.”
The Standards of the Permissible Men’s and Women’s Being at the Same Place
If no privacy takes place, men’s and women’s being at the same place is not forbidden in itself. But this does not mean that there are no religious limits. When the man and the woman are present at the same place with each other, there are several limits which must be taken in consideration and which must be avoided. Here we mention some of these limits.
1
-
Grooming
and
Adorning: Grooming
and
adornment
are
from
the
things
which
the
woman
is
forbidden
to
show
to
the
marriageable
men. It
is
related
in
the
forbiddances
discourse
ascribed
to
The
Prophet(
God
’
s
prayers
and
peace
bestowed
upon
him
and
his
Household
)
that
he
said,“
He
[wanting
God]
forbade
that
she
adorns
for
anybody
rather
than
her
husband. If
she
does, God
will
burn
her
in
fire.”
2- Fragrance
and
Perfume: The
fragrance
and
the
perfume
are
also
judged
as
grooming
is; but
the
difference
lies
in
that
the
grooming
is
sensed
by
the
sight
whereas
the
perfume
is
sensed
by
the
smell. If
the
evil
is
probable, she
is
forbidden
to
get
out
of
her
house
and
to
be
with
the
marriageable
men
at
the
same
place
while
she
is
being
perfumed. It
is
ascribed
to
Jaber
ibn
Yazeed
that
he
said,“
I
heard
Abou
Jaafar
Mohammad
ibn
Ali
Al-
Baker
(God
’
s
peace
bestowed
upon
him)
saying,‘
She
is
not
permitted
to
perfume
when
she
gets
out
of
her
house.’”
Getting out is just an example for what gives chance for men’s
and women’s being at the same place. Forbiddance is not exclusive to getting out; it is applicable to men’s and women’s being at the same place in general even if it takes place inside the house.
3-
Touching
the
Marriageable
Person
and
Shaking
Hands: Touching
and
shaking
hands
are
from
the
evils
related
to
the
sense
of
touch, so
it
is
forbidden
to
touch
the
skin
of
the
marriageable
person. It
is
ascribed
to
God’
s
prophet(
God
’
s
prayers
and
peace
bestowed
upon
him
and
his
Household
)
that
he
said,“
He
who
shakes
hands
with
a
woman
while
it
is
forbidden
to
do
so
is
going
to
come
on
the
Day
of
Judgment
shackled
and
then
is
going
to
be
ordered
to
the
Fire.”
It is ascribed to Imam Mohammad Al-Baker(God’s peace bestowed upon him)
that he said, “The woman is not permitted to shake hands with a marriageable man but when the hand is covered with a veil.”
Forbiddance, therefore, applies to both men and women: The man is forbidden to shake hands with the marriageable woman, and the woman is forbidden to shake hands with the marriageable man.
This noble verse indicates the seriousness of the role of The Prophet’s(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
wives and indicates that they are asked, before the other women are asked, to abide to these Islamic duties which are general for all the Muslims. From these duties is not to speak in a soft i. e. coquettish way. The Muslim woman, therefore, must speak in an honorable way and must turn away from the ways which seduce the listening men, especially those in whose hearts are diseases.
The believing men and women must lower their gazes and not fix their looks at each other. It is ascribed to The Noblest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
that he said, “God’s wrath increases on a married woman who quenches her sight by looking at somebody rather than her husband or at a marriageable man. Once she does so, The Most Glorified and Reverent God aborts everything she does…”
It is ascribed to Imam Abou Abdullah Al-Sadik(God’s peace bestowed upon him)
that he said, “Looking is one of Satan’s poisoned arrows. How many a times has a look resulted in a long sorrow!”
6
-
Joking
and
Much
Laughing: The
woman
must
preserve
her
honorability
when
she
is
present
at
the
same
place
with
marriageable
men, and
she
must
not
give
herself
vent
to
look
as
if
she
has
a
frivolous
character
which
is
easily
turned
with
the
fancies. Much
joking
and
laughing
are
from
the
issues
which
show
the
woman
as
being
frivolous
and
non
grave
in
this
society
where
both
men
and
women
are
present. Because
of
this, it
is
related
in
the
narrative
ascribed
to
God’
s
prophet(
God
’
s
prayers
and
peace
bestowed
upon
him
and
his
Household
)
that
he
said,“
He
who
jokes
with
a
woman
who
is
not
his
own
wife
will
have
Joking deletes the psychological limits and paves the way in front of any probable slipping.
Abou Baseer said, “I was teaching Qur’an to one woman, and I joked with her about something. When I went to Abou Jaafar [Imam Al- Baker](God’s peace bestowed upon him)
, he asked me, ‘What did you say to the woman?’ So, I covered my face. He(God’s peace bestowed upon him)
said to me, ‘Do not do that again. ’”
These are the major standards which must be taken into consideration when men and women are present at the same place.
Summary
Men’s and women’s being at the same place represents, in general, a fertile land for falling in a lot of behavioral and psychological deviations.
Since men’s and women’s being at the same place is dangerous, it is necessary to get acquainted with the religious limits which prevent the human being from falling into the trap of Satan and which supply the human being with the requisite protection and invulnerability.
Men’s and women’s being at the same place means the meeting of the marriageable men and the women at the same place, whether a house, a market, a road, etc. Then, any meeting for one of the sexes with the other sex is considered to be involved in this definition.
The sacred doctrine forbids that sort of men’s and women’s being at the same place which reaches the extent of the privacy between the marriageable man and woman. There are two basic points which result in the forbiddance of the privacy:
1- To be alone in a place where nobody else can enter
2- Not to be safe from evil, even if the evil is restricted to the limit of the forbidden look
When men and women are present at the same place, there are several limits which must be taken into consideration and which must be avoided. Here we mention some of these limits:
1- Grooming and adorning
2- Fragrance and perfume
3- Touching the marriageable person and shaking hands
4- Speaking in a seductive way i. e. coquettishly
5- Going too far in looking
6- Joking and much laughing
Comprehension Questions
1- What
are
the
social
consequences
of
men’
s
and
women’
s
being
at
the
same
place?
2- What
is
meant
by
men’
s
and
women’
s
being
at
the
same
place?
3-
What
is
the
difference
between
men’
s
and
women’
s
being
at
the
same
place
and
the
forbidden
privacy?
4-
What
are
the
two
conditions
which
fulfill
the
forbidden
privacy?
5-
What
must
the
woman
take
into
consideration
and
avoid
in
the
councils
where
both
men
and
women
are
present?
For Reading
Khadija bint Khouwayled (God’s peace bestowed upon her): The Sacrifice to Preserve the Message
When The Noblest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
was being hurt and was facing the difficulties, there was at the same time someone who was appeasing him, easing his pains, and driving away his worries and sorrows. That person is the great woman: Khadija bint Khouwayled(God’s peace bestowed upon her)
.
The presence of Khadija(God’s peace bestowed upon her)
was an important factor in the life of The Noblest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
and in the life of Islam at its very beginning. Had not her presence been of this great importance, it would not have been so hard for The Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
to lose her and her death would not have been so painful for him: He(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
called the year in which she passed away “The Year of Sorrows”, and he continued to remember her and her grace the whole of his lifetime.
When Sayyda Khadija(God’s peace bestowed upon her)
got married to God’s prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
, she did not spare any effort to dedicate all her financial and spiritual capabilities for the sake of helping him.
She is the one who said to her cousin Waraka ibn Nawfal, “I declare that I have offered all my money and servants to Mohammad, so that he will dispose of them however he wishes.” So, her cousin Waraka ibn Nawal stood between Zamzam [well of blessed water in Makka] and Makam [the Sanctuary] and called most loudly, “O Arabs, Khadija call you to be her witnesses on that she offered herself, her money, her servants, and whatever she owns to Mohammad as a sign of reverence of him and glorification of his status…”
After that, the greatest peril on the message which The Noblest Prophet(God’s prayers and peace bestowed upon him and his Household)
faced was the siege Quraish dropped around him, his family, relatives, and Sons of Hashem in general. At that point, Khadija’s(God’s peace bestowed upon her)
money was the key for enduring the siege and was the outlet for the ones sieged: She used to buy the food for double its price, so that the sieged people would eat. The three years of siege passed, thus ending with the safety of the people and the frustration of what Quraish plotted against them.
The narratives relate that what Sayyda Khadija(God’s peace bestowed upon her)
spent summed up to forty thousand and forty thousand dinars.
10%
Author: Al-Maaref Islamic Cultural Association
