Chapter 3: Education
In Islam, knowledge and teaching is the foundation of upbringing and they are accompanied with discipline and self-improvement. According to religious teachings, the best time for education is the childhood period. Therefore, the most important right of a child is to provide the environment for his education and training. All the rights which were previously mentioned and that discussed here are regarded as the preliminary steps for the child’s education. This chapter presents teachings from the infallibles (a.s.) concerning the education of children.
3.1: The Value of Seeking Knowledge at a Young Age
203. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Learning at a young age is like engraving on a stone; and the parable of he who learns in his adult age is like one who writes on water.”
204. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Order your children to seek knowledge.”
205. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“He who asks [questions] while at a young age, will answer [questions] when he is old.”
206. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“He who does not learn in his young age, will not advance in his adult age.”
207. Sunan al--Darami, narrating from Shurhabil ibn Sa’d who said:“Once Hasan gathered his children and his brother’s children and said: “O my children and my brother’s children! You are the little young people of this generation and there is a hope that you will be the great ones of another generation. Therefore, learn knowledge, and he who cannot learn it by heart should write it down and keep it in his home.”
208. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Encourage your sons in their childhood to learn etiquette; so that in their grown up age they can be the joy of your eyes. Indeed the parable of the etiquettes you assemble in your early childhood is like engraving something on the stone. These are some treasures the reserves of which grow; and there is no fear on them from instructive events.”
قِيمَةُ طَلَبِ العِلمِ فِي الصِّغَرِ
203. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: مَثَلُ الَّذي يَتَعلَّمُ في صِغَرِهِ كَالنَّقشِ فِي الحَجَرِ، ومَثَلُ الَّذي يَتَعلَّمُ في كِبَرِهِ كَالَّذي يَكتُبُ عَلَى الماءِ
204. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: مُروا أولادَكُم بِطَلَبِ العِلمِ
205. عنه عليه السلام: مَن سَألَ في صِغَرِهِ أجابَ في كِبَرِهِ
206. عنه عليه السلام: مَن لَم يَتَعَلَّم فِي الصِّغَرِ لَم يَتَقَدَّم فِي الكِبَرِ
207. سنن الدارمي عن شرحبيل بن سعد: دَعَا الحَسَنُ عليه السلام بَنيهِ و بَني أخيهِ فَقالَ: يا بَنِيَ و بَنِي أخي، إنَّكُم صِغارُ قَومٍ يوشَكُ أن تَكونوا كِبارَ آخَرينَ، فَتَعَلَّمُوا العِلمَ، فَمَن لَم يَستَطِع مِنكُم أن يَروِيَهُ أو قالَ: يَحفَظَهُ فَليَكتُبهُ، و ليَضَعهُ في بَيتِهِ
208. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام :
حَرِّض بَنيكَ عَلَى الآدابِ في الصِّغَرِ كَي ما تَقَرَّ بِهِم عَيناكَ فِي الكِبَرِ
و إنَّما مَثَلُ الآدابِ تَجمَعُها في عُنفُوانِ الصِّبا كالنَّقشِ فِي الحَجَرِ
هِيَ الكُنوزُ الّتي تَنمو ذَخائِرُها ولا يُخافُ عَلَيها حادِثُ الغِيَرِ
3.2: The Value of Upbringing
209. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“The right of a child upon his father is that he should choose a good name for him, choose a good wet-nurse for him, and raise him well.”
210. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“No father has left anything as inheritance for his child better than good manners.”
211. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“No father has granted a gift to his child better than good manners.”
212. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Honour your children and raise them well and you will be forgiven.”
213. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Among the rights of a child upon his father is that he should properly upbring his child and does not deny his relation to him.”
214. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“The best thing that fathers could leave for their children as inheritance is manners, not wealth, for wealth perishes but manners remain.”
215. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“A believing servant [of Allah] will continue to bequeath knowledge and righteous manners as inheritance for his family in order to help them all enter Heaven so that it [Heaven] will not be empty of them, whether young, old, a servant or a neighbour. A disobedient servant [of Allah] will continue to bequeath bad manners for his family which causes them all to enter Hell so that it will not be empty of them, whether young, old a servant or a neighbour.”
216. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.): Luqman said:“O my child! If you are disciplined during your childhood, you will enjoy it when you grow old. He who cares about manners pays importance to it, and he who pays importance to it will strive for his knowledge, and he who strives for his knowledge will intense his seeking, and he whose seeking is intense will gain its advantages.”
قيمَةُ التَّربِيَةِ
209. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: حَقُّ الوَلَدِ عَلى والدِهِ أن يُحسِنَ اسمَهُ، وَ يُحسِنَ مِن مُرضِعِهِ، و يُحسِنَ أدَبَهُ
210. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: ما وَرَّثَ والِدٌ وَلَداً خيراً مِن أدَبٍ حَسَنٍ
211. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله ما نَحَلَ والِدٌ وَلَدا مِن نُحلٍ أفضَلَ مِن أدَبٍ حَسَنٍ
212. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: أكرِموا أولادَكُم، وأحسِنوا أدَبَهُم؛ يُغفَر لَكُم
213. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: مِن حَقِّ الوَلَدِ عَلى والِدِهِ أن يُحسِنَ أدَبَهُ، و ألّا يَجحَدَ نَسَبَهُ
214. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: إنَّ خَيرَ ما وَرَّثَ الآباءُ لِأَبنائِهِم الأَدَبُ لَا المالُ؛ فَإِنَّ المالَ يَذهبُ، و الأَدَبَ يَبقى
215. عنه عليه السلام: لا يَزالُ العَبدُ المُؤمِنُ يُوَرِّثُ أهلَ بَيتِهِ العِلمَ وَ الأَدَبَ الصّالِحَ، حَتّى يُدخِلَهُمُ الجَنَّةَ جَميعاً، حتّى لا يَفقِدَ مِنهُم صَغيراً و لا كَبيراً و لا خادِماً و لا جاراً، و لا يَزالُ العَبدُ العاصِي يُوَرِّثُ أهلَ بَيتِهِ الأدَبَ السَّيِّئَ حَتّى يُدخِلَهُمُ النّارَ جَميعاً، حَتّى لا يَفقِدَ فيها مِن اهلِ بَيتِهِ صَغيراً و لا كَبيراً و لا خادِماً و لا جاراً
216. عنه عليه السلام: قالَ لُقمانُ: يا بُنَيّ إن تَأدَّبتَ صَغيرا انتَفَعتَ بِهِ كَبيرا، و مَن عَنا بِالأَدَبِ اهتَمَّ بِهِ، و مَنِ اهتَمَّ بِهِ تَكَلَّفَ عِلمَهُ، و مَن تَكَلَّفَ عِلمَهُ اشتَدَّ لَهُ طَلَبُهُ، ومَنِ اشتَدَّ لَهُ طَلَبُهُ أدرَكَ بِهِ مَنفَعَةً
3.3: The Responsibility of Education and Upbringing
217. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Indeed all of you are guardians and all of you are responsible for your subjects. The governor who rules over the people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects [and will be questioned about them]. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A wife is the guardian for her husband’s house and his children and she is responsible for them. A servant is the guardian for the wealth of his master and he is responsible for them. Therefore, indeed all of you are guardians and all of you are responsible for your subjects.”
218. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“It is the duty of the leader to teach the boundaries of Islam and faith to the people under his command.”
219. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“O people! I have rights over you and you have rights over me. Your right over me is that I give you advice, supply you your dues, teach you so that you may not remain ignorant, and that I discipline you so that you may know.”
220. Imam al-Sajjad (a.s.) said, describing the rights:“The right of your child is that you know that he belongs to you and he is related to you in this world with his good and his evil. You are responsible for teaching him good manners, leading him towards his Lord and assisting him in obeying Him. Therefore, in regard to his affairs you must act like one who knows that he will be rewarded for being benevolent to him and will be punished for committing wrong to him.”
221. Imam al-Sajjad (a.s.) said:“The right of your child is that you know that he belongs to you and he is related to you in this world with his good and his evil. You are responsible for teaching him good manners, leading him towards his Lord and assisting him in obeying Him in your rights and his own.
Hence, there will be reward and punishment. Therefore, in regard to his affairs you must act like one who by his good effect in this world decorates his actions, and being forgiving to his Lord for that which is between you and him in that he has tried to do what he must and for you to accept it from him, and there is no power but in Allah.”
مَسْؤولِيَّةُ التَّعليمِ و التَّربِيَةِ
217. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: ألا كُلُّكُم راعٍ و كُلُّكُم مَسؤولٌ عَن رَعِيَّتِه؛ فَالأَميرُ الَّذي عَلَى النّاسِ راعٍ و هُوَ مَسؤولٌ عَن رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالرَّجُلُ راعٍ عَلى أَهلِ بَيتِهِ و هُوَ مَسؤولٌ عَنهُم، وَ المرأةُ راعِيةٌ عَلى بَيتِ بَعلِها و وُلدِهِ و هِيَ مَسؤولَةٌ عَنهُم، وَ العَبدُ راعٍ عَلى مالِ سَيِّدِهِ و هُو مَسؤولٌ عَنهُ، ألا فَكُلُّكُم راعٍ و كُلُّكُم مَسؤولٌ عَن رَعِيَّتِهِ
218. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: عَلَى الإمامِ أَن يعلِّمَ أهلَ وِلايَتِهِ حُدودَ الإسلامِ وَالإيمانِ
219. عنه عليه السلام: أيُّهَا النّاسُ! إنَّ لي عَلَيكُم حَقّاً، و لَكُم عَلَيَّ حَقٌّ؛ فَأَمّا حَقُّكُم عَلَيَّ فَالنَّصيحَةُ لَكُم، و تَوفِيرُ فَيئِكُم عَلَيكُم، و تعليمُكُم كَي لا تَجهَلوا، و تأديبُكُم كَيما تَعلَمُوا
220. الإمام زين العابدين عليه السلام- في بيان الحقوق-: و أمّا حَقُّ وَلَدِكَ فَأن تَعلَمَ أنَّهُ مِنكَ، و مُضافٌ إلَيكَ في عاجِلِ الدُّنيا بِخَيرِهِ وَشَرِّهِ، وأَنَّكَ مَسؤولٌ عَمّا وَليتَهُ مِن حُسنِ الأَدَبِ وَالدِّلالَةِ عَلى رَبِّهِ عزّ وجلّ، وَالمَعونَةِ عَلى طاعَتِهِ، فَاعمَل في أمرِهِ عَمَلَ مَن يَعلَمُ أنَّهُ مُثابٌ عَلَى الإِحسانِ إلَيهِ، مُعاقَبٌ عَلَى الإِساءَةِ إلَيهِ
221. عنه عليه السلام: وأمّا حَقُّ وَلَدِكَ فَتَعلَمَ أَنَّهُ مِنكَ، ومُضافٌ إِلَيكَ في عاجِلِ الدُّنيا بِخَيرِهِ وشَرِّهِ، وأَنَّكَ مَسؤولٌ عَمّا وَلِيتَهُ مِن حُسنِ الأَدَبِ وَالدِّلالَةِ عَلى رَبِّهِ، وَالمَعونَةِ لَهُ عَلى طاعَتِهِ فيكَ وفي نَفسِهِ، فَمُثابٌ عَلى ذلِكَ ومُعاقَبٌ، فَاعمَلْ فِي أمرِهِ عَمَلَ المُتَزَيِّنِ بِحُسنِ أثَرِهِ عَلَيهِ في عاجِلِ الدُّنيا، المُعذِرِ إلى رَبِّهِ فيما بَينَكَ وبَينَهُ بِحُسنِ القِيامِ عَلَيهِ وَالأَخذِ لَهُ مِنهُ، ولا قُوَّةَ إلّا بِاللهِ
3.4: The Most Important Obligatory Thing to Teach
A- Islamic beliefs, monotheism in particular
222. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“He who upbrings a child in a way that he says: ‘There is no god but Allah’, Allah will not reckon him.”
223. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“When your children begin to speak, teach them: ‘There is no god but Allah’ and then do not care when they will die; and when their milk-teeth start falling, enjoin them to perform prayers.”
224. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Let the first phrase spoken by your children be ‘There is no god but Allah’, and at the time of death inculcate to them: ‘There is no god but Allah’, for he whose first word is: ‘There is no god but Allah’, and last word is: ‘There is no god but Allah’ and [even if he] lives for a thousand years, he will not be asked about a single sin [therein].”
225. al-Kafi, narrating from Sulayman ibn Khalid who said:“I asked Abu ‘Abdullah [al-Sadiq] (a.s.): “I have some family members who follow my words, do I invite them to this affair [in becoming Shi’ah]?”
He (a.s.) said:“Yes. Verily, Allah has said in His Book: “O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is men and stones…”
,
أهَمُّ ما يَجِبُ تَعليمُه
العَقائِدُ الإِسلامِيَّةُ ولا سِيَّما التَّوحيدُ
222. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: مَن رَبَّى صَغيرا حَتَّى يَقولَ: «لا إلهَ إلّا اللهُ» لَم يُحاسِبهُ اللهُ عزّ وجلُ
223. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: إذا أفصَحَ أولادُكُم فَعَلِّموهُم «لا إلهَ إلّا اللهُ»، ثُمَّ لا تُبالوا مَتى ماتوا، وَإذا اثَّغَروا فَمُروهُم بِالصَّلاةِ
224. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: افتَحوا عَلى صِبيانِكُم أوَّلَ كَلِمَةٍ ب «لا إلهَ إلّا اللهُ»، ولَقِّنوهُم عِندَ المَوتِ «لا إلهَ إلّا اللهُ»؛، فَإِنَّهُ مَن كانَ أوَّلُ كَلامِهِ «لا إلهَ إلّا اللهُ» وَآخِرُ كلامِهِ «لا إله إلّا اللهُ» ثُمَّ عاشَ ألفَ سَنَةٍ، ما سُئِلَ عَن ذَنبٍ واحِدٍ
225. الكافي عن سليمان بن خالد: قُلتُ لِأبي عَبدِ اللهِ عليه السلام: إنَّ لي أهلَ بَيتٍ وهُم يَسمَعونَ مِنِّي، أفَأَدعوهم إلى هذَا الأمرِ؟ فَقالَ: نَعَم، إنَّ اللهَ عزّ وجلّ يَقولُ في كِتابِهِ: (يا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَ أَهْلِيكُمْ ناراً وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَ الْحِجارَةُ)
B- Love of the Prophet and his Household
226. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Train your children to have three features: love for your Prophet, love for his Household, and reciting the Qur’an.”
حُبُّ النَّبِيّ وأهلِ بَيتِهِ
226. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: أدِّبوا أولادَكُم عَلى ثَلاثِ خِصالٍ: حُبِّ نَبِيِّكُم، وحُبِّ أهلِ بَيتِهِ، وعَلى قِراءَةِ القُرآنِ
C- Obligatory acts, especially prayer and fasting
“And bid your family to pray and be constant therein. We do not ask you sustenance, (but) We give you sustenance, and the (good) end is for (the people of) righteousness.”
“And mention Isma’il in the Book, verily he was (ever) true to (his) promise, and he was an apostle, a prophet. And he used to enjoin on his family prayer and almsgiving, and he was well pleased in the sight of his Lord.”
227. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“The Prophet (s.a.w.) was exhausted in his own self after receiving the glad tidings from his Lord that he be entering Heaven. Then Allah revealed the verse: “And bid your family to pray and be constant therein…”
So he (s.a.w.) ordered his family to perform prayers and he himself was persisting upon it.”
228. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“A man came to my father and said: “May Allah bless you! Can I narrate [traditions] to my family?”
He said:“Yes. Allah says: “O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is men and stones…”
And he (a.s.) added:“And bid your family to pray and be constant therein…”
,
229. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said, regarding the saying of Allah the Exalted:“…save yourselves and your family from a Fire…”
: Teach yourselves and your family righteousness.”
230. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said, regarding the saying of Allah the Exalted:“…save yourselves and your family from a Fire…”
:“It means: Teach them that which will save them from Hellfire.”
231. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, when asked when a child should begin to pray:“When he recognizes his right hand from his left hand, enjoin him to pray.”
232. Jami al-Akhbar: It is narrated that the Prophet of Allah (s.a.w.) once looked at some children and said:“Woe unto the children of the end of the world because of their fathers!”
He was asked:“O Messenger of Allah! Is it because of their polytheist fathers?”
He said:“No, but it because of their believing fathers who do not teach them any of their obligatory acts, and when their children learn, the parents prevent them, and they will be content with small things they have from this world. I disown myself from them and they are not from me.”
233. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“When a child becomes intellectually mature and is able to recite parts of the Qur’an, he should be taught to prayer.”
234. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Teach your children to pray, and when they reach puberty make them accountable for it.”
235. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Teach your children to pray, and when they became eight make them accountable for it.”
236. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“When a child can perceive [things] he is ordered to pray, and to fast if he is capable.”
237. Imam al-Sajjad (a.s.) said:“Training to fast is when the child is made to fast before reaching the age of puberty, and it is just for the purpose of training, and not an obligatory fasting.”
238. Imam al-Baqir (a.s.) said:“When our children are five years old, we enjoin them to pray, but you should enjoin them to pray when they are seven. We enjoin our children to fast as much as they can when they are seven, whether it is half of a day or less or more than that. When the thirst or hunger overcomes them, they break their fast so that they become accustomed to fasting and are capable of performing it. So, enjoin your children to fast as much as they can when they are nine years old, and when thirst overcomes them they may break their fast.”
239. Imam al-Baqir (a.s.) and Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“When a boy becomes three years old, he should be told: “Say: ‘There is no god but Allah’ seven times.”
Then he must be left until he becomes three years seven months and twenty days, then he must be told:“Say: ‘Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah’ seven times. Then he is left until he finishes four years, and then he must be told: “Say: ‘Praise of Allah be upon Muhammad and his progeny’ seven times. Then is left until he finishes five years. At that time, he must be asked which one is his right hand and which one is his left. If he can recognize them, his face should be turned towards the direction of the Qiblah and he must be told: “Prostrate.”
Then he is left until he finishes seven years, in which he is told:“Wash your face and your hands.”
When he washes them he should be told:“Perform your prayers.”
Then he is left until he finishes nine years old. At this time, he must be taught how to make ablution and he must be punished for abandoning it, and he must be ordered to pray and punished if he does not. When he learns ablution and prayers, Allah will forgive both him and his parents, by the will of Allah.”
240. Da’a’im al-Islam:“It was narrated to us from Ja’far ibn Muhammad [al-Sadiq] (a.s.): “He used to enjoin a child to fast during the month of Ramadan for a part of the day, and when he saw that thirst and hunger had overcome him, he would tell him to break his fast.”
241. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“When our children reach the age of seven we order them to pray and fast as much as they can tolerate.”
242. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said, in answer to a question about the age when prayer becomes obligatory for a child:“As for prayers, when he is at the age of six, and fasting is when he is able to bear it.”
243. Tahdhib al-Ahkam, narrating from Mu’awiyah ibn Wahab who said:“I asked Abu ‘Abdullah [al-Sadiq] (a.s.): “In what age will a child be accountable for prayer?”
He answered:“When he is between six and seven years old.”
I asked:“In what age will he be accountable for fasting?”
He answered:“When he is between fourteen and fifteen, and if he observed fasting before this, let him. My son so and so fasted before this age and I let him do so.”
الفَرائِضُ سِيَّما الصَّلاةُ والصَّومُ
(وَ أْمُرْ أَهْلَكَ بِالصَّلاةِ وَ اصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْها لا نَسْئَلُكَ رِزْقاً نَحْنُ نَرْزُقُكَ وَ الْعاقِبَةُ لِلتَّقْوى)
(وَ اذْكُرْ فِي الْكِتابِ إِسْماعِيلَ إِنَّهُ كانَ صادِقَ الْوَعْدِ وَ كانَ رَسُولًا نَبِيًّا* وَ كانَ يَأْمُرُ أَهْلَهُ بِالصَّلاةِ وَ الزَّكاةِ وَ كانَ عِنْدَ رَبِّهِ مَرْضِيًّا)
227. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام كانَ رَسولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله مُنصِباً لِنَفسِهِ بَعدَ البُشرى لَهُ بِالجَنَّةِ مِن رَبِّهِ، فَقالَ عزّ وجلّ: (وَ أْمُرْ أَهْلَكَ بِالصَّلاةِ وَ اصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْها ...) الآية، فَكانَ يَأمُرُ بِها أهلَهُ، و يُصَبِّرُ عَلَيها نَفسَهُ
228. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام دَخَلَ عَلى أبي عليه السلام رَجُلٌ فَقالَ: رَحِمَكَ اللهُ، احَدِّثُ أهلِي؟ قالَ نَعَم، إنَّ اللهَ يَقولُ: (يا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَ أَهْلِيكُمْ ناراً وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَ الْحِجارَةُ)، وَقالَ: (وَ أْمُرْ أَهْلَكَ بِالصَّلاةِ وَ اصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْها)
229. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام- في قَولِهِ تَعالى: «قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَ أَهْلِيكُمْ ناراً»-: عَلِّموا أنفُسَكُم و أهليكُمُ الخَيرَ
230. عنه عليه السلام- ايضا- مَعناهُ: عَلِّموهُم ما يَنجونَ بِهِ مِنَ النّارِ
231. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله- لَمّا سُئِلَ عَنِ الصَّبِيِ مَتى يُصَلّي؟-: إذا عَرَفَ يَمينَهُ مِن شِمالِهِ فَمُروهُ بِالصَّلاةِ
232. جامع الأخبار: رُوِيَ عَنِ النَّبِيِ صلى الله عليه وآله أنَّهُ نَظَرَ إلى بَعضِ الأطفالِ فَقالَ: وَيلٌ لِأَولادِ آخِرِ الزَّمانِ مِن آبائِهِم. فَقيلَ: يا رَسولَ اللهِ، مِن آبائِهِمُ المُشرِكينَ؟
فَقالَ: لا، مِن آبائِهِمُ المُؤمِنينَ؛ لا يُعَلِّمونَهُم شَيئا مِنَ الفَرائِضِ، و إذا تَعلَّموا أولادُهُم مَنَعوهُم، و رَضوا عَنهُم بِعَرَضٍ يَسيرٍ مِنَ الدُّنيا، فَأنا مِنهُم بَرِيءٌ، و هُم مِنِّي بُرآءٌ
233. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام إذا عَقَلَ الغُلامُ و قَرَأ شَيئاً مِنَ القُرآنِ عُلِّمَ الصَّلاةَ
234. عنه عليه السلام عَلِّموا صِبيانَكُم الصَّلاةَ، و خُذوهُم بِها إذا بَلَغوا الحُلُمَ
235. عنه عليه السلام عَلِّموا صِبيانَكُم الصَّلاةَ، و خُذوهُم بِها إذا بَلَغوا ثَمانَ سِنينَ
236. عنه عليه السلام: يُؤمَرُ الصَّبِيُ بِالصَّلاةِ إذا عَقَلَ، و بِالصَّومِ إِذا أطاقَ
237. الإمام زين العابدين عليه السلام أمَّا صَومُ التَّأديبِ فَأَن يُؤخَذَ الصَّبِيُ إذا رَاهَقَ بِالصَّومِ، تَأديبا و لَيسَ بِفَرضٍ
238. الإمام الباقر عليه السلام: إنّا نَأمُرُ صِبيانَنا بِالصَّلاةِ إذا كانوا بَني خَمسِ سِنينَ، فَمُروا صِبيانَكُم بِالصَّلاةِ إذا كانوا بَني سَبعِ سِنينَ، و نَحنُ نَأمُرُ صِبيانَنا بِالصَّومِ إذا كانوا بَني سَبعِ سِنينَ بِما أطاقوا مِن صِيامِ اليَومِ إن كانَ إلى نِصفِ النَّهارِ أو أكثَرَ مِن ذلِكَ أو أقَلَّ، فَإِذا غَلَبَهُمُ العَطَشُ و الغَرَثُ أفطَروا، حَتّى يَتَعَوَّدُوا الصَّومَ و يُطيقوهُ، فَمُروا صِبيانَكُم إذا كانوا بَني تِسعِ سِنينَ بِالصَّومِ مَا استَطاعوا مِن صِيامِ اليَومِ، فَإذا غَلَبَهُمُ العَطَشُ أفطَروا
239. الإمام الباقر و الإمام الصادق عليهما السلام: إذا بَلَغَالغُلامُ ثَلاثَ سِنينَ، يُقالُ لَهُ: قُل لا إلهَ إلّا الله سَبْعَ مَرّاتٍ. ثُمَّ يُترَكُ حَتّى يَتِمَّ لَهُ ثَلاثُ سِنينَ و سَبعَةُ أشهُرٍ و عِشرونَ يَوما، فَيُقالُ لَهُ: قُل: «مُحَمَّدٌ رَسولُ اللهِ» سَبعَ مَرّاتٍ. و يُترَكُ حَتّى يَتِمَّ لَهُ أربَعُ سِنينَ، ثُمَّ يُقالُ لَهُ قُل: سَبعَ مَرّاتٍ: «صَلَّى اللهُ عَلى مُحَمَّدٍ و آلِهِ». ثُمَّ يُترَكُ حَتّى يَتِمَّ لَهُ خَمسُ سِنينَ، ثُمَّ يُقالُ لَهُ: أيُّهُما يَمينُكَ و أيَّهُما شِمالُكَ؟ فَإِذا عَرَفَ ذلِكَ حُوِّلَ وَجهُهُ إلى القِبلَةِ و يُقالُ لَهُ: أسجُد. ثُمَّ يُترَكُ حَتَّى يَتِمَّ لَهُ سَبعُ سِنينَ، فَإِذا تَمَّ لَهُ سَبعُ سِنينَ قيلَ لَهُ: اغسِل وَجهَكَ و كَفّيكَ، فَإِذا غَسَلَهُما قيلَ لَهُ: صَلِّ. ثُمَّ يُترَكُ حَتّى يَتِمَّ لَهُ تِسعُ سِنينَ، فَإِذا تَمَّت لَهُ عُلِّمَ الوُضوءَ، و ضُرِبَ عَلَيهِ، و امِرَ بِالصَّلاةِ، و ضُرِبَ عَلَيها. فَإِذا تَعَلَّمَ الوُضوءَ وَالصَّلاةَ غَفَرَ اللهُ عزّ وجلّ لَهُ و لِوَالِدَيهِ إن شاءَ اللهُ
240. دعائم الإسلام: رُوّينا عَن جَعفَر بنِ مُحَمَّدٍ عليه السلام: أنَّهُ كانَ يَأمُرُ الصَّبِيَ بِالصَّومِ في شَهرِ رَمَضانَ بَعضَ النَّهارِ، فَإِذا رَأَى الجُوعَ و العَطَشَ غَلَبَ عَلَيهِ، أمَرَهُ فَأَفطَرَ
241. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: إنَّا نَأمُرُ صِبيانَنا بِالصَّلاةِ وَ الصِّيامِ ما أطاقوا، إذا كانوا أبناءَ سَبعِ سِنينَ
242. عنه عليه السلام- لَمّا سُئِلَ: مَتى تَجِبُ الصَّلاةُ عَلَى الصَّبِيِ ؟-: إذا كانَ ابنَ سِتِّ سِنينَ، وَالصِّيامُ إذا أطاقَهُ
243. تهذيب الأحكام عن معاوية بن وهب: سَأَلتُ أبا عَبدِ اللهِ عليه السلام: في كَميُؤخَذُ الصَّبِيّ بِالصَّلاةِ؟
فَقالَ: فيما بَينَ سَبعِ سِنينَ و سِتِّ سِنينَ
قُلْتُ: في كَم يُؤخَذُ بِالصِّيامِ؟
فَقالَ: فيما بَينَ خَمسَ عَشرَةَ أو أربَعَ عَشرَةَ، وإن صامَ قَبلَ ذلِكَ فَدَعهُ، فَقَد صامَ ابني فُلانٌ قَبلَ ذلِكَ و تَرَكتُهُ
D- The Qur’an
244. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“He who recites the Qur’an before puberty has indeed been given wisdom in his childhood.”
245. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“The best among you is he who learns the Qur’an and teaches it.”
246. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“There is no man who teaches his child the Qur’an without that child’s parents being crowned on Judgment Day with a crown of sovereignty and they will be clothed with two sets of clothing no people have seen the likes of.”
247. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“The Chapter of al-Waqi’ah [Qur’an: 56] is the chapter of needlessness, so read it and teach it to your children.”
248. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“If any among you want to speak with his Lord, he should recite the Qur’an.”
249. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“He who Allah has granted in memorising His Book and thinks that another person has been given something better has indeed belittled the greatest bounty.”
250. Sharh Nahj al-Balaghah:“Ghalib ibn Sa’sa’ah once went to [Imam] ‘Ali (a.s.) along with his son Farazdaq and ‘Ali (a.s.) had asked him: “Who are you?”
He answered:“Ghalib ibn Sa’sa’ah al-Mujashi’i....”
He (a.s.) said:“O Abu al-Akhtal! Who is this lad with you?”
He answered:“My son. He is a poet.”
He (a.s.) said:“Teach him the Qur’an, as it is better for him than poetry.”
251. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“The son’s right upon the father is that he should choose a good name for him, discipline him well and teach him the Qur’an.”
252. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“The memoriser of the Qur’an who practises according to it will be with the angelic envoys (al-safarah)
who are the righteous angels [of Allah].”
القُرآنُ
244. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: مَن قَرَأَ القُرآنَ قَبلَ أن يَحتَلِمَ فَقَد اوتِي الحُكمَ صَبِيّا
245. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: خِيارُكُم مَن تَعَلَّمَ القُرآنَ وعَلَّمَهُ
246. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: ما مِن رَجُلٍ عَلَّمَ وَلَدَهُ القُرآنَ إلّا تُوِّجَ أبَواهُ يَومَ القِيامَةِ بِتاجِ المُلكِ، وكُسِيَ حُلَّتَينِ لَم يَرَ النّاسُ مِثلَهُما
247. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: سورَةُ الواقِعَةِ سورَةُ الغِنى، فَاقرَؤوها، و عَلِّموها أولادَكُم
248. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: إذا أحَبَّ أحَدُكُم أن يُحَدِّثَ رَبَّهُ فَليَقرَأِ القُرآنَ
249. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: مَن أعطاهُ اللهُ حِفظَ كِتابِهِ لَو ظَنَّ، أنَّ أحَداً اوتِيَ أفضَلَ مِمّا اوتِىَ فَقَد غَمَطَ أعظَمَ النِّعَمِ
250. شرح نهج البلاغة لابن أبي الحديد: وَفَدَ غالِبُ بنُ صَعصَعَةَ عَلى عَلِيٍّ عليه السلام و مَعهُ ابنُهُ الفَرَزدَقُ ، فَقالَ لَهُ: مَن أنتَ؟ فَقالَ: غالِبُ بنُ صَعصَعَةَ المُجاشِعِيُّ
قالَ: يا أبَا الأَخطَلِ، مَن هذَا الغُلامُ مَعَكَ؟ قالَ: ابني، و هُوَ شَاعِرٌ. قالَ: عَلِّمهُ القُرآنَ؛ فَهُوَ خَيرٌ لَهُ مِنَ الشِّعرِ
251. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: حَقُّ الوَلَدِ عَلَى الوالِدِ أن يُحسِنَ اسمَهُ، و يُحسِنَ أدَبَهُ، و يُعَلِّمَهُ القُرآنَ
252. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: الحافِظُ لِلقُرآنِ العامِلُ بِهِ مَعَ السَّفَرَةِ الكِرامِ البَرَرَةِ
E- Religious Sciences
253. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Teach your children things that Allah will benefit them with, and the Murji’ites60 should not dominate their thoughts.”
254. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“Hasten to make your youth acquainted with traditions before that Murji’ites do.”
المَعارِفُ الدّينِيَّةُ
253. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: عَلِّموا صِبيانَكُم ما يَنفَعُهُمُ اللهُ بِهِ، لا تَغلِب عَلَيهِمُ المُرجِئَةُ بِرَأيِها
254. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: بادِروا أحداثَكُم بِالحَديثِ قَبلَ أن تَسبِقَكُم إلَيهِمُ المُرجِئَةُ
F- Writing
255. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“The right of a child upon the father is that the father should teach him how to write, swim and cast [an arrow – archery]. He should also bequeath the child with lawful wealth [as inheritance].”
الكتابة
255. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: حَقُّ الوَلَدِ عَلَى الوالِدِ أن يُعَلِّمَهُ الكِتابَةَ وَ السِّباحَةَ وَالرَّميَ، و أن يُوَرِّثَهُ طيِّباً
G- Hygiene
256. The Prophet of Allah (s.a.w.) said:“For everything there is a strategy, and the strategy for having good health lies in four things: scantiness in talking, sleeping, walking and eating.”
257. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“The mother of all medicines is eating less.”
258. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“The stomach is the house of all ailments, and abstinence [having a diet] is the source of all remedies.”
259. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said, when he was asked and someone said: All sciences are in the Qur’an except medicine?:“Be aware! There is a verse in the Qur’an which contains the whole science of medicine. It says: ‘…and eat and drink but be not prodigal.”
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260. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said, from the wise sayings attributed to him:“Do not live to eat, but eat to live.”
261. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said, from the wise sayings attributed to him:“A wise person should remember the bitterness of medicine when tasting the sweetness of food.”
262. al-Khisal:“The Commander of the faithful ‘Ali ibn Abu Talib (a.s.) said to his son Hasan (a.s.): “O my son! Let me teach you four things that with them you will have no need for medicine.”
He (a.s.) said:“Yes, O Commander of the faithful!”
The Imam said:“Do not begin eating unless you are hungry, do not leave it unless you are still willing to eat from it, chew [the food] well, and go to the toilet before going to bed. If you apply these four points you will not need medicine.”
263. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Eating less will hinder many sicknesses of the body.”
264. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“He who plants in himself the love of different varieties of food will reap the fruits of different diseases.”
265. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Many a time has one eating hindered many eatings.”
المَسائِلُ الصِّحِّيّةُ
256. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: لِكُلِّ شَيءٍ حيلَةٌ، وحيلَةُ الصِّحَّةِ فِي الدُّنيا أربَعُ خِصالٍ: قِلَّةُ الكَلامِ، و قِلَّةُ المَنامِ، و قِلَّةُ المَشيِ، و قِلَّةُ الطَّعامِ
257. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: امُّ جَميعِ الأَدوِيَةِ قِلَّةُ الأَكلِ
258. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: المَعِدَةُ بَيتُ كُلِّ داءٍ، وَالحِميَةُ رأسُ كُلِّ دَواءٍ
259. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام- لَمّا سُئِلَ فَقيلَ: إنَّ فِي القُرآنِ كُلَّ عِلمٍ إلَّا الطِّبَّ؟- أما إنَّ فِي القُرآنِ لَآيَةً تَجمَعُ الطِّبَّ كُلَّهُ: (وَ كُلُوا وَ اشْرَبُوا وَ لا تُسْرِفُوا)
260. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام- فِي الحِكَمِ المَنسوبَةِ إلَيهِ- لا تَطلُبِ الحَياةَ لِتَأكُلَ، بَلِ اطلُبِ الأَكلَ لِتَحيا
261. عنه عليه السلام- أيضا- يَنبَغي لِلعاقِلِ أن يَتَذَكَّرَ عِندَ حَلاوَةِ الغِذاءِ مَرارَةَ الدَّواءِ
262. الخصال: قالَ أميرُ المُؤمِنينَ عَلِيُّ بنُ أبي طالِبٍ عليه السلام لِلحَسَنِ ابنِهِ عليه السلام: يا بُنَيَّ، ألا اعَلِّمُكَ أربَعَ خِصالٍ تَستَغني بِها عَنِ الطِّبِّ؟
فَقالَ: بَلى، يا أميرَالمُؤمِنينَ
قالَ: لا تَجلِس عَلَى الطَّعامِ إلّا و أنتَ جائِعٌ، ولا تَقُم عَنِ الطَّعامِ إلّا و أنتَ تَشتَهيهِ، و جَوِّدِ المَضغَ، و إذا نِمتَ فَاعرِض نَفسَكَ عَلَى الخَلاءِ فَإِذَا استَعمَلتَ هذَا استَغنَيتَ عَنِ الطِّبِّ
263. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: قِلَّةُ الأَكلِ يَمنَعُ كَثيراً مِن أعلالِ الجِسمِ
264. عنه عليه السلام: مَن غَرَسَ في نَفسِهِ مَحَبَّةَ أنواعِ الطَّعامِ، اجتَنى ثِمارَ فُنونِ الأَسقامِ
265. عنه عليه السلام: كَم مِن أكلَةٍ مَنَعَت أكَلاتٍ
H- Moral Wisdoms
266. Ma’ani al-Akhbar, narrating from Shurayh ibn Hani who said:“The Commander of the faithful (a.s.) asked his son Hasan ibn ‘Ali: “My son! What is wisdom?”
He answered:“Preserving that which you have entrusted to your heart.”
He asked again:“What is prudence?”
His son answered:“That you wait for the opportunity to come and hasten [to it] when you can.”
He [Imam ‘Ali] (a.s.) asked:“What is magnitude?”
He answered:“Tolerating the losses and adopting generosities.”
He asked:“What is generosity?”
He answered:“Responding to one who asks and the donating of he who has gained.”
He asked:“What is stinginess?”
He answered:“Considering a little thing given as prodigality and what has been spent in charity as wasted.”
He asked:“What is mildness?”
He answered:“Demanding little and abandoning what is worthless.”
He asked:“What is formality?”
He answered:“Relying on someone who does not secure you, and pinning hopes on what does not have benefit for you.”
He asked:“What is ignorance?”
He answered:“It is to hasten for the opportunities before their time and to refrain from answering. The best helper in many occasions is silence, even if you are an eloquent speaker.”
Then Imam ‘Ali –praises of Allah be upon him- turned to his son Husayn and asked him:“O my son! What is mastership?”
He answered:“Compatibility with one’s family and tolerating problems.”
He asked:“What is needlessness?”
He answered:“Having modest hopes and being content with what is enough for you.”
‘Ali (a.s.) asked:“What is neediness?”
He answered:“Greediness and extreme despair.”
He (a.s.) asked:“What is being mean?”
He answered:“It is selfishness and giving up the chastity [of the family].”
The Imam (a.s.) asked:“What is foolishness?”
He answered:“Your enmity against your commander and to those who can harm you or benefit you.”
Then the Imam (a.s.) turned his face to Harith al-Ahwal and said:“O Harith! Teach these wisdoms to your children, for they increase providence, farsightedness and wisdom.”
267. Tuhaf al-’Uqul, narrating from Sufyan al-Thawri who said:“I went to al-Sadiq (a.s.) and asked him to advise me. He (a.s.) said: “O Sufyan! My father disciplined me with three good manners and forbade me from three things. As for the good manners, he told me: “O my son! He who accompanies an evil person will not remain safe, he who does not control his speech will regret and he who goes to bad places will be accused.”
I [Sufyan] said:“O the son of the daughter of the Messenger of Allah! And what were the three things that he prohibited you from?”
He said:“He forbade me from companionship with an envier of bounties, a gloater over the misfortunes of others and a talebearer.”
الحِكَمُ الأَخلاقِيَّةُ
266. معاني الأخبار عن شريح بن هانئ: سَأَلَ أميرُ المُؤمِنينَ عليه السلام ابنَهُ الحَسَنَ بنَ عَليّ، فَقالَ :
يا بُنَيَ مَا العَقلُ؟ قالَ: حِفظُ قَلبِكَ مَا استُودِعتَهُ
قالَ: فَمَا الحَزمُ؟ قالَ: أن تَنتَظِرَ فُرصَتَكَ، وتُعاجِلَ ما أمكَنَكَ
قالَ: فَمَا المَجدُ؟ قالَ: حَملُ المَغارِمِ، وَابتِناءُ المَكارِمِ
قالَ: فَمَا السَّماحَةُ؟ قالَ: إجابَةُ السّائِلِ، و بَذلُ النّائِلِ
قالَ: فَمَا الشُّحُّ؟ قالَ: أن تَرَى القَلِيلَ سَرَفاً، و مَا أنفَقتَ تَلَفاً
قالَ: فَمَا الرِّقَّةُ؟ قالَ: طَلَبُ اليَسيرِ، و مَنعُ الحَقيرِ
قالَ: فَمَا الكُلفَةُ؟ قالَ: التَّمَسُّكُ بِمَن لا يُؤَمِّنُكَ، و النَّظَرُ فيما لا يَعنيكَ
قالَ: فَمَا الجَهلُ؟ قالَ: سُرعَةُ الوُثوبِ عَلَى الفُرصَةِ قَبل الاستِمكانِ مِنها، و الامتِناعُ عَنِ الجَوابِ. و نِعمَ العَونُ الصَّمتُ فِي مَواطِنَ كَثيرَةٍ و إن كُنتَ فَصيحاً
ثُمَّ أقبَلَ صَلَواتُ اللهِ عَلَيهِ عَلَى الحُسَينِ ابنِهِ عليه السلام فَقالَ لَهُ :
يا بُنَيّ ما السُّؤدَدُ؟ قالَ: اصطِناعُ العَشيرَةِ، وَ احتِمالُ الجَريرَةِ
قالَ: فَمَا الغِنى؟ قالَ: قِلَّةُ أمانِيكَ، وَ الرِّضى بِما يَكفيكَ
قالَ: فَمَا الفَقرُ؟ قالَ: الطَّمَعُ، و شِدَّةُ القُنوطِ
قالَ: فَمَا اللُّؤمُ؟ قالَ: إحرازُ المَرءِ نَفسَهُ، وَإسلامُهُ عِرسَهُ
قالَ: فَمَا الخُرقُ؟ قالَ: مُعاداتُكَ أميرَكَ و مَن يَقدِرُ عَلى ضَرِّكَ و نَفعِكَ
ثُمَّ التَفَتَ إلَى الحارِثِ الأعوَرِ فَقالَ: يا حارِثُ، عَلِّموا هذِهِ الحِكَمَ أولادَكُم؛ فَإنَّها زِيادَةٌ فِي العَقلِ وَ الحَزمِ وَالرَّأيِ
267. تحف العقول عن سفيان الثوري: دَخَلتُ عَلَى الصّادِقِ عليه السلام فَقُلتُ لَهُ: أوصِني
فَقالَ عليه السلام: يا سُفيانُ، أدَّبَني أبي عليه السلام بِثَلاثٍ، و نَهاني عَن ثَلاثٍ؛ فَأمَّا اللَّواتي أدَّبَني بِهِنَّ فَإنَّهُ قالَ لي: يا بُنَيَ، مَن يَصحَب صاحِبَ السَّوءِ لا يَسلَمُ، و مَن لا يُقيِّد ألفاظَهُ يَندَم، و مَن يَدخُل مَداخِلَ السّوءِ يُتَّهَم
قُلتُ: يَا ابنَ بِنتِ رَسولِ اللهِ، فَمَا الثَّلاثُ اللَّواتِي نَهاكَ عَنهُنَّ؟ قالَ عليه السلام: نَهاني أن اصاحِبَ حاسِدَ نِعمَةٍ، و شامِتاً بِمُصيبَةٍ، أو حامِلَ نَميمَةٍ
I - Useful Poems
268. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“The Commander of the faithful [‘Ali] (a.s.) liked having the poetry of Abu Talib being recited to him, saying: “Learn it [by heart] and teach it to your children, for he was the follower of the religion of Allah and there is abundant knowledge in it.”
269. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“O nation of Shi’ah! Teach your children the poems of al-’Abdi,78 for he was a follower of the religion of Allah.”
الأشعارُ النّافِعَةُ
268. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: كانَ أميرُ المُؤمِنينَ عليه السلام يُعجِبُهُ أن يُروى شِعرُ أبي طالِبٍ، و أن يُدَوَّنَ، و قالَ: تَعَلَّموهُ و عَلِّموهُ أولادَكُم، فَإِنَّهُ كانَ عَلى دينِ اللهِ، و فيهِ عِلمٌ كَثيرٌ
269. عنه عليه السلام: يا مَعشَرَ الشّيعَةِ عَلِّموا أولادَكُم شِعرَ العَبدِيّ ، فَإِنَّهُ عَلى دينِ اللهِ
The Function of Poetry in a Child’s Education and Upbringing
The emphasis of Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) on teaching his father Abu Talib’s poetry to children and Imam al-Sadiq’s (a.s.) recommendation to teach children al-’Abdi’s poetry is an indication that the Ahlul Bayt viewpoint is that poetry has an important role and fundamental function, not only in the realm of culture and literature, but also in education and upbringing, and for the training of the young generation in particular. Based on this guidance, it is a duty for the religious and devoted writers and poets to allocate a special chapter in their poetry books for children’s poetry.
Without doubt, it is a great and difficult task to compose poems for children, especially if they are instructive and useful which can deliver lofty doctrinal, moral and social concepts skilfully and in a simple, eloquent and attractive form appropriate to the mind of children, which is not possible for every poet to accomplish.
An important point that has been referred to in both the above mentioned traditions is that in an instructive poem, in addition to being acceptable from an artistic point of view, it is necessary that in order for the new generation to enjoy the utmost training benefit from it, the poet himself enjoys religious commitment, as it has been emphasized in the recommendations of teaching the poetry of Abu Talib and al-’Abdi to children and the emphasis of their own commitment.
Secondly, the poem must contain information that children need in doctrinal, moral, and practical fields. The emphasis of Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) on teaching Abu Talib’s poetry is because, besides the religious commitment of the poet, it also contains a lot of knowledge.
Thirdly, because of the constructive role of the child’s acquaintance and familiarity with Ahlul Bayt (a.s.), the poems which are composed for them must address the loving and knowing of them. The insistence of Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) on teaching al-’Abdi’s poetry to children is because his poetry is full of knowledge related to the household of the Prophet (s.a.w.). The following are some lines of his long and beautiful elegy, translated from Arabic to English given as an example:
Is your love ailment and sickness cured?
By means of asking the address of the ruined house [of your sweat beloved]?
Or is shedding tears caused by being far from the beloved;
Cools down the heat of the day of separation?
O rider, the steps of whose mount are firm!
And paves the old plain, trotting and swiftly.
Give my regards to that grave which is in Najaf.
And in it is he who is the best among Arabs and non-Arabs.
Make your motto humbleness before Allah, and call;
The best successor and the nearest in likeness to the best Prophet, and say:
On the day of Ghadir Khum he had kept them apart from this situation,
When Ahmad, the guide, climbed up the saddles of camels,
And told the people who were near around him,
Those who had resided in front of him, to the audience and those who were the hearers of his words:
O’ ‘Ali! Get up since I have been ordered to;
Convey a message to people and I am worthy of conveying a message,
You are the only spouse of the Prophet’s daughter, al-Zahra (a.s.),
Whom you protect and you are the father of her noble children,
The children, who strive in the path of Allah,
And are the arms of each other for the cause of Allah,
And believe in Him and work for Him.
They lead toward development and perfection that when the darkness of aberration befalls,
They brightly guide better than any shooting star.
May the greeting of the Lord of the Throne in all times;
Be upon the son of Fatimah, he who repels sorrows!
On his [‘Ali’s] two sons, one of whom was killed by a fatal poison,
And the other was buried with a dusty [bloody] face.
After him was the pious one who was mostly in prostration;
Then is the cleaver of science who approached the peak of research.
Next to him are Ja’far and his son Musa.
Then al-Ridha, the righteous, and al-Jawad, the worshipper.
Finally, the two ‘Askaris, and al-Mahdi, who is their Qasim.
And the owner of affair who has worn the garment of guidance.
The one who fills the earth with justice after it is filled with cruelty.
And eradicates the people of aberration and wrong action.
O possessor of the Pond of Kawthar full of limpid water!
Who hinders the enemies from its wholesome water!
By expressing some thoughts and sayings of mine,
Seeking you, I knocked out some of your enemies.
So much so that my opinions, by means of the sword of poetry and lecture.
Put the brand of disgrace on their foreheads.
I resorted to your love and piety as company
They were the best among all the companions I had
Then, provide with the mind of al-’Abdi a good elegy
That if an elegy violates Your limit, it will not be fair.
Inside me there is a modesty and guidance inclined toward You which is adored by virtue and courtesy.
I put my soul in trouble for Your sake,
With the knowledge that my tranquillity is in such a trouble.
J- Swimming and Archery
270. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Teach your children swimming and archery.”
271. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Teach swimming and archery to your sons and teach women to spindle.”
272. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Teach archery to your sons, for it will bring victory over the enemy.”
83
السِّباحَةُ وَالرِّمايَةُ
270. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: عَلِّموا أولادَكُمُ السِّباحَةَ وَالرِّمايَةَ
271. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: عَلِّموا أبناءَكُمُ السِّباحَةَ وَالرَّميَ، وَالمَرأةَ المِغزَلَ
272. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: عَلِّموا بَنيكُم الرَّميَ؛ فَإنَّهُ نِكايَةُ العَدُوِّ
3.5: The Age of Upbringing and Disciplining a Child
3.5: The Age of Upbringing and Disciplining a Child
273. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“A child is a master for seven years, a servant for seven years, and a minister for seven years. If you are content with his upbringing when he is twenty one years old, that is good, and if not, then let him be, for you are excused with Allah.”
274. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“A child is to be trained for seven years, to be disciplined for seven years and is employed for seven years. The end of his physical growth is when he is twenty three years old, and the end of the completion of his intellect is when he is thirty five years old, and after that, whatever comes forth is gained by means of experience.”
275. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Your child is your bundle of flowers for seven years, your servant for seven years, and then he will be either your enemy or your friend.”
276. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said, in his advice to his son Hasan:“I hastened with my will for you and wrote its salient points lest death overtakes me before I divulged unto you what I have in my heart, or lest my wit be affected as my body has been affected, or the forces of passions or the evils of the world overtake you in making you like a stubborn camel. Indeed, the heart of a young man is like an uncultivated land as it accepts whatever is strewn on it. So, I hastened to train you properly before your heart hardens up and your mind becomes occupied…
Since I feel for your affairs as a compassionate father should feel, and I aim at teaching and disciplining you, I thought it should be at a time when you are advancing in age and new on the stage of this world, possessing upright intention and a clean heart. Therefore, I should begin with the teaching of the book of Allah the Exalted and its interpretation, along with the laws of Islam and its commands with its lawful and unlawful matters.”
277. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“Leave your son alone until he becomes six years old, then have him accompany you and discipline him with your own discipline. If he accepts it and improves, that is good, otherwise let him be.”
278. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“A boy must be left to play for seven years, taught the Qur’an for seven years and must learn lawful and unlawful for seven years.”
وَقتُ تَربِيَةِ الطِّفلِ وتأديبه
273. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: الوَلَدُ سَيِّدٌ سَبعَ سِنينَ، وعَبدٌ سَبعَ سِنينَ، ووَزيرٌ سَبعَ سِنينَ، فَإِن رَضيتَ مُكانَفَتَهُ لِإِحدى وعِشرينَ وإلّا فَاضرِب عَلى جَنبِهِ؛ فَقَدِ اعتَذَرتَ الَى اللهِ عزّوجلّ
274. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: يُرَبَّى الصَّبِيّ سَبعاً، ويُؤَدَّبُ سَبعاً، ويُستَخدَمُ سَبعاً، ومُنتَهى طولِهِ في ثَلاثٍ وعِشرينَ سَنَةً، وعَقلِهِ في خَمسٍ وثَلاثينَ سَنَةً، وما كانَ بَعدَ ذلِكَ فَبِالتَّجارِبِ
275. عنه عليه السلام: وَلَدُكَ رَيحانَتُكَ سَبعاً، وَخادِمُكَ سَبعاً، ثُمَّ هُوَ عَدُوُّكَ أو صَديقُكَ
276. عنه عليه السلام- مِن وَصِيَّتِهِ لِوَلَدِهِ الحَسَنِ عليه السلام- بادَرتُ بِوَصِيَّتي إلَيكَ، وأورَدتُ خِصالًا مِنها قَبلَ أن يَعجَلَ بي أجَلي دونَ أن افضِيَ إلَيكَ بِما في نَفسي، أو أن انقَصَ في رَأيي كَما نُقِصتُ في جِسمِي، أو يَسبِقَني إلَيكَ بَعضُ غَلَباتِ الهَوى وفِتَنِ الدُّنيا، فَتَكُونَ كَالصَّعبِ النَّفورِ، وإنَّما قَلبُ الحَدَثِ كَالأرضِ الخالِيَةِ؛ ما القِيَ فيها مِن شَيءٍ قَبِلَتهُ، فَبادَرتُكَ بِالأَدَبِ قَبلَ أن يَقسُوَ قَلبُكَ، ويَشتَغِلَ لُبُّكَ ورَأيتُ حَيثُ عَناني مِن أمرِكَ ما يَعنِي الوالِدُ الشَّفيقُ، وأجمَعتُ عَلَيهِ مِن أدَبِكَ أن يَكونَ ذلِكَ وأنتَ مُقبِلُ العُمُرِ ومُقتَبَلُ الدَّهرِ، ذو نِيَّةٍ سَليمَةٍ، ونَفسٍ صافِيَةٍ، وأن أبتَدِئَكَ بِتَعليمِ كِتابِ اللهِ عزّ وجلّ وتَأويلِهِ، وشَرائِعِ الإِسلامِ وأحكامِهِ، وحَلالِهِ وحَرامِهِ
277. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: أمهِل صَبِيَّكَ حَتّى يَأتِيَ لَهُ سِتُّ سِنينَ، ثُمَّ ضُمَّهُ إلَيكَ سَبعَ سِنينَ فَأدِّبهُ بِأدَبِكَ، فَإِن قَبِلَ وصَلَحَ وإلّا فَخَلِّ عَنهُ
278. عنه عليه السلام: الغُلامُ يَلعَبُ سَبعَ سِنينَ، ويَتَعَلَّمُ الكِتابَ سَبعَ سِنينَ، ويَتَعَلَّمُ الحَلالَ وَالحَرامَ سَبعَ سِنينَ
3.6: The Method of Islamic Upbringing
A- Honouring, Gentleness, Sympathy and Love
279. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Honour your children and teach them good manners.”
280. Musnad Ibn Hanbal, narrating from the uncle of Abu Rafay’ ibn ‘Amr al-Ghaffari who said:“I was a child when I threw pelting stones at a date tree that belonged to the Ansar, and when the Prophet (s.a.w.) came, he was told: “Here is the place where a boy threw stones at our date tree.”
I was taken to the Prophet (s.a.w.) and he told me.“O boy! Why do you throw stone at that date tree?”
I answered:“I eat [from it].”
He said:“Then do not throw stones at the tree, and eat whatever has fallen under it.”
Then he (s.a.w.) touched my head kindly and said:“O Allah! Satiate his stomach!”
281. al-Mu’jam al-Kabir, narrating from Asad ibn Wida’ah who said:“A man named Juz’ came to the Prophet (s.a.w.) and said: “O Messenger of Allah! My family makes me angry. How should I punish them?”
He said:“Forgive them!”
The man asked him the question again and repeated it three times. Then the Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“If you should punish, then punish what is appropriate to the wrong act, and beware of [striking] the face.”
282. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Be like a friendly physician who applies medicine where it is useful.”
283. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Rebuke the evil-doer by rewarding the good-doer.”
284. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“The punishment of the wise is [done] implicitly, while the punishment of the ignorant is [done] explicitly.”
285. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said: The implicit remark to a wise person’s mistake is among the most painful of blaming for him.”
286. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“To speak allusively for a wise person is the worst scorn for him.”
287. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Many a sin equals the punishment just by informing the wrong-doer.”
288. Imam al-Sajjad (a.s.) said:“A child’s right is to be kind when educating him, forgiving him, covering his mistakes, acting moderately towards him and helping him. And the right of people of your faith is that … you consider the elderly [men] amongst them as your father, their young ones as your brothers, the elderly [women] amongst them as your mother and their infants as your children.”
المَنهَجُ التَّربَوِيُّ الإِسلامِيُ
التَّكريمُ وَالرِّفقُ وَالرَّحمَةُ وَالمَحَبَّةُ
279. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: أَكرِموا أولادَكُم، وأحسِنوا أدَبَهُم
280. مسند ابن حنبل عن عمّ أبي رافع بن عمرو الغفاري: كُنتُ وأنا غُلامٌ أرمي نَخلًا لِلأَنصارِ، فَأتَى النَّبيّ صلى الله عليه وآله فَقيلَ: إنَّ هاهُنا غُلاما يَرمي نَخلَنا! فَاتِيَ بي إلَى النَّبِيّ صلى الله عليه وآله، فَقالَ: يا غُلامُ! لِمَ تَرمِي النَّخلَ؟ قالَ: قُلتُ: آكُلُ. قالَ: فَلا تَرمِ النَّخلَ وكُل ما يَسقُطُ في أسافِلِها. ثُمَّ مَسَحَ رَأسي وقالَ: اللّهُمَّ أشبِع بَطنَهُ
281. المعجم الكبير عن أسد بن وداعة: أنَّ رَجُلًا يُقالُ لهُ: «جُزءٌ» أتَى النَّبِيّ صلى الله عليه وآله فَقالَ: يا رَسولَ اللهِ، إنَّ أهلي يُغضِبونّي فَبِمَ اعاقِبُهُم؟ فَقالَ: تَعفو، ثُمَّ قالَ الثّانِيَة، حَتّى قالَها ثَلاثاً، قالَ: فَإِن عاقَبتَ فَعاقِب بِقَدرِ الذَّنبِ، وَاتَّقِ الوَجهَ
282. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: كُن كَالطَّبيبِ الرَّفيقِ الَّذي يَضَعُ الدَّواءَ بِحَيثُ يَنفَعُ
283. عنه عليه السلام: ازجُرِ المُسيءَ بِثَوابِ المُحسِنِ
284. عنه عليه السلام: عُقوبَةُ العُقلاءِ التَّلويحُ، عُقوبَةُ الجُهَلاءِ التَّصريحُ
285. عنه عليه السلام: تَلويحُ زَلَّةِ العاقِلِ لَهُ مِن أمَضِ عِتابِهِ
286. عنه عليه السلام: التَّعريضُ لِلعاقِلِ أشَدُّ عِتابِهِ
287. عنه عليه السلام: رُبَّ ذَنبٍ مِقدارُ العُقوبَةِ عَلَيهِ إعلامُ المُذنِبِ بِهِ
288. الإمام زين العابدين عليه السلام: حَقُّ الصَّغيرِ رَحمَتُهُ في تَعليمِهِ، وَالعَفوُ عَنهُ وَالسِّترُ عَلَيهِ، وَالرِّفقُ بِهِ، وَالمَعونَةُ لَهُ وحَقُّ أهلِ مِلَّتِكَ أن يَكونَ شُيوخُهُم بِمَنزِلَةِ أبيكَ، وشُبّانُهُم، بِمَنزِلَةِ إخوَتِكَ، وعَجائِزُهُم بِمَنزِلَةِ امِّكَ، وَالصِّغارُ بِمَنزِلَةِ أولادِكَ
B- Strictness and Uncompromising
“O you who believe? Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe who flinch not (from) executing the commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.”
289. Sahih Muslim, narrating from Abu Hurayrah who said:“When this verse was revealed: ‘And warn your nearest relations’
, the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) invited Quraysh and they gathered,
then he told them all in general and specifically: “O children of Ka’b ibn Lu’ay!
Save yourselves from the Fire! O children of Murrah ibn Ka’b!
Save yourselves from the Fire!
O children of ‘Abd Shams! Save yourselves from the Fire! O children of ‘Abd Manaf! Save yourselves from the Fire! O children of Hashim!
Save yourselves from the Fire! O children of ‘Abd al-Muttalib!
Save yourselves from the Fire!
O Fatimah! Save yourself from the Fire! Because I cannot guarantee for you anything from Allah, except that you have the right of relationship to which I relate with you in this world [and it cannot benefit you in the Hereafter].”
290. al-Durr al-Manthur, narrating from Zaid ibn Aslam:“The Prophet of Allah (s.a.w.) recited this verse: “…save yourselves and your families from a fire …”
He (s.a.w.) was asked:“O the Messenger of Allah! How can we save our family from the Fire?”
He said:“Enjoin them to what Allah likes and prohibit them from what Allah dislikes.”
291. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said, in a letter to one of his agents:“Fear Allah and return to these people their properties. If you do not do so and Allah grants me power over you I shall excuse myself before Allah about you and strike you with my sword that I have not struck anyone without them going to Hell. By Allah, even if Hasan and Husayn had done what you did, there would have been no leniency with me to them and they could not have won their way with me till I had received the right from them and destroyed the wrong produced by their unjust action.”
292. al-Kafi, narrating from Abu Basir:“I asked Abu ‘Abdullah [al-Sadiq] (a.s.) about the saying of Allah: “Save yourselves and your families from a fire…”
“How can we save our families.”
He (a.s.) said:“By enjoining them [to good] and forbidding them [from evil].”
293. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“When the verse: “O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire…”
was revealed, one of the Muslims began weeping and said:“I was not able to manage my own affairs and I became obliged to my family.”
The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“It is enough for you to enjoin them to what you would enjoin yourself, and forbid them from what you forbid yourself.”
294. al-Kafi, narrating from Abu Basir:“[I asked Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.)] “Concerning the saying of Allah: “…Save yourselves and your families from a Fire…”
: I asked:“How can I save them?”
He replied:“Enjoin them to what Allah orders and forbid them from what Allah forbids. If they obey you, you have saved them, and if they disobey you, you have fulfilled your obligation.”
الصَّلابَةُ وعَدَمُ المُداهَنَةِ
(يا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَ أَهْلِيكُمْ ناراً وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَ الْحِجارَةُ عَلَيْها مَلائِكَةٌ غِلاظٌ شِدادٌ لا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ ما أَمَرَهُمْ وَ يَفْعَلُونَ ما يُؤْمَرُونَ)
289. صحيح مسلم عن أبي هريرة: لَمّا انزِلَت هذِهِ الآيَةُ: (وَ أَنْذِرْ عَشِيرَتَكَ الْأَقْرَبِينَ) دَعا رَسولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله قُرَيشاً فَاجتَمَعوا، فَعَمَّ وخَصَّ، فَقالَ :
يا بَني كَعبِ بنِ لُؤيّ ! أنقِذوا أنفُسَكُم مِنَ النّارِ
يا بَني مُرَّةَ بنِ كَعبٍ ! أنقِذوا أنفُسَكُم مِنَ النّارِ
يا بَنِي عَبدِ شَمسٍ! أنقِذوا أنفُسَكُم مِنَ النّارِ
يا بَني عَبدِ مَنافٍ ! أنقِذُوا أنفُسَكُم مِنَ النّارِ
يا بَني هاشِمٍ ! أنقِذُوا أنفُسَكُم مِنَ النّارِ
يا بَني عَبدِ المُطَّلِبِ! أنقِذوا أنفُسَكُم مِنَ النّارِ
يا فاطِمَةُ! أنقِذي نَفسَكِ مِنَ النّارِ؛ فَإِنّي لا أملِكُ لَكُم مِنَ اللهِ شَيئاً، غَيرَ أنَّ لَكُم رَحِما سَأَبُلُّها بِبِلالِها
290. الدرّ المنثور عن زيد بن أسلم: تَلا رَسولُ الله صلى الله عليه وآله هذِهِ الآيَةَ: «قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَ أَهْلِيكُمْ ناراً»، فَقالوا: يا رَسولَ اللهِ، كَيفَ نَقِي أهلَنا نارا؟
قالَ: تَأمرونَهُم بِما يُحِبُّهُ اللهُ، وتَنهَونَهُم عَمَّا يَكرَهُ اللهُ
291. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام- فِي كِتابِهِ إلى بَعضِ عُمّالِهِ- فَاتَّقِ اللهَ وَاردُد إلى هؤلاءِ القَومِ أموالَهُم، فَإِنَّكَ إن لَم تَفعَل ثُمَّ أمكَنَنِي اللهُ مِنكَ لَاعذِرَنَّ إلَى اللهِ فيكَ، ولَاءَضرِبَنَّكَ بِسَيفِي الَّذي ما ضَرَبتُ بِهِ أحَدا إلّا دَخَلَ النّارَ، ووَاللهِ لَو أنَّ الحَسَنَ وَالحُسَينَ فَعَلا مِثلَ الَّذي فَعَلتَ ما كانَت لَهُما عِندي هَوادَةٌ، ولا ظَفِرا مِنّي بِإِرادَةٍ حَتّى آخُذَ الحَقَّ مِنهُما، وازيحَ الباطِلَ عَن مَظلَمَتِهِما
292. الكافي عن أبي بصير: سَألتُ أبا عبد الله عليه السلام في قَولِ اللهِ: «قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَ أَهْلِيكُمْ ناراً»: كَيفَ نَقي أهلَنا؟ قَالَ: تَأمرونَهُم وَتَنهَونَهُم
293. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: لَمّا نَزَلَت هذهِ الآيَةُ: (يا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَ أَهْلِيكُمْ ناراً) جَلَسَ رَجُلٌ مِنَ المُسلِمينَ يَبكي وقالَ: أنا عَجَزتُ عَن نَفسي، كُلِّفتُ أهلي؟! فَقالَ رَسولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله: حَسبُكَ أن تأمُرَهُم بِما تَأمُرُ بِهِ نَفسَكَ، وتَنهاهُم عَمَّا تَنهى عَنهُ نَفسَكَ
294. الكافي عن أبي بصير- في قَولِ اللهِ عزّ وجلِ: (قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَ أَهْلِيكُمْ ناراً)- قُلتُ: كَيفَ أقيهِم؟ قالَ: تَأمُرُهُم بِما أمَرَ اللهُ وتَنهاهُمُ عَمَّا نَهاهُمُ اللهُ، فَإن أطاعوكَ كُنتَ قَد وَقَيتَهُم، وإن عَصَوكَ كُنتَ قَد قَضَيتَ ما عَلَيكَ
C- Practical Disciplining
295. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“He who appoints himself as the leader of people should begin by teaching himself before teaching others and he should discipline them through his actions before he disciplines them by speaking to them. He who educates and disciplines his own self deserves more appraisal than the teacher and discipliner of others”
296. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“Be inviters to people by means other than your tongue, so that people see piety, diligence, prayer and goodness from you, for this is the correct way to invite.”
التَّأديبُ العَمَلِيّ
295. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: مَن نَصَبَ نَفسَهُ لِلنّاسِ إماماً فَليَبدَأ بِتَعليمِ نَفسِهِ قَبلَ تَعليمِ غَيرِهِ، وليَكُن تَأديبُهُ بِسيرَتِهِ قَبلَ تَأديبِهِ بِلِسانِهِ. ومُعَلِّمُ نَفسِهِ ومُؤَدِّبُها أَحَقُّ بِالإِجلالِ مِن
مُعَلِّمِ النّاسِ ومُؤَدِّبِهِم
296. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: كونوا دُعاةً لِلنّاسِ بِغَيرِ ألسِنَتِكُم؛ لِيَرَوا مِنكُمُ الوَرَعَ وَالاجتِهادَ وَالصَّلاةَ وَالخَيرَ، فَإِنَّ ذلِكَ داعِيَةٌ
An Analysis on the Methods of Upbringing Children
Scholars have introduced four methods for upbringing children, and a further fifth point can be found by studying the Islamic sources. They are as follows:
1- The upbringing method based on strictness
Children who were raised with this upbringing method which was mainly practiced by the old and previous generations would not feel any love and affection, and it would often result in anxiety, depression, stress and, at times, even suicide. However, this strictness could cause the child to become responsible and hard working, and parents did not show affection to their children due to the fear that they may become spoiled. They believed that any praise and admiration can cause the child to become spoiled.
2- The upbringing method based on kindness and lack of strictness
This method which was formed in reaction to the first method leads the child to become spoiled, morally weak, dependant, demanding and childish. Moreover, they will lack resistance, patience against difficulties and would face problems in their family and social lives. Such children do not sense lack of affection and the parents who adopt this method tend to assume their children are right. They give to the child whatever he pleases and they try to avoid any way of displeasing him. In this method, the parents believe that the children are always right, and whatever a child wants must be given to him and we must not upset him in any way.
3- The upbringing method based on lack of kindness and lack of strictness
This upbringing method trains children, who are entangled with sentimental disorder due to not receiving affection, and as there is no decisiveness concerning them, they tend to incline to crime and wrong-doing.
4- The upbringing method based on affection and decisiveness
In this upbringing method children satiate sentimentally and are also raised as being studious, patient and accepting of responsibilities.
Scholars in this field have recognized this method as the being best method for upbringing a child.
However, what is the viewpoint of Islam in this regard? In religious instructions, there are different discussions in this concern, but the important matter is to know the overall system that dominates these issues and deduct an upbringing method from them. Seemingly, the method that we can take from the holy Qur’an and the traditions and is derived from them that which is mentioned in the fifth method.
5- The upbringing method based on love, strictness and dignity
From an Islamic viewpoint, love is one of the principles of the upbringing of a child and has strongly been emphasized upon and the lack of loving and affection has been strongly reproached. However, at the same time, excessive love and affection has also been admonished. Therefore, along with love, firmness and strictness in upbringing a child is also strongly recommended.
Based on this principle, while the child receives affection, he is not free and left to himself to do whatever he wants. On the other side, while he is being raised, he is also given kindness, affection and tolerance; and it is for this reason that he has been reproached from excessive scorning and violence, which is one of the pillars of the method of harshness without affection.
There is a third dimension in the upbringing method of Islam, which is ‘dignifying’.
Dignifying a child means to honour him and giving value for him. In the Islamic approach, a child must not be degraded just because of being a child, and he must not feel that he is worthless or of little value. A child is mostly in need of affection, and an adult is mostly in need of respect,
yet this does not mean that the personality of a child must not be respected. The same goes to elders, as one must not forget to respect them, and be kind and loving towards them.
The child who is given value and his personality is respected and honoured feels worthiness with honour and self-dignity, and one who considers value for himself, does not engage in obscenities.
Self-dignity is the main pivot of Islamic morals and upbringing, and its most important way is to respect and dignify people, in particular during childhood. Of course, the concept of dignity is one part of what relates to the teaching of good and bad, but ‘dignifying’ is a very valuable and important concept.
One of the most important upbringing points that must be observed in the respecting of the personality of a child is to take his feelings into consideration during the first seven years of his life. This subject is so important that according to a tradition from the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.), this age period is counted as the term of the supremacy of a child. He (s.a.w.) said:
“A child is a master for seven years.”
Mastership and supremacy of the child calls for his commandment and obedience from the parents, which means that during his first seven years, a child must command in the house, and therefore, whatever he wants must be provided if it is not harmful for him and it is possible for the parents to do so.
The result of the upbringing of the child as a commander during his first seven years and the correct submission of the parents to him will be the absolute obedience of the child and his love to the parents for the duration of his next seven years. The tradition continues by saying:
“And he is a servant for [the second] seven years.”
The obedience of a child to his parents is the result of the utmost confidence that he has in them which he acquired during the first seven years of his life. The appearance of this state in the child during the second seven years which is the time of his education is of extraordinary importance for his upbringing.
After finishing the second seven years of the child’s life, there comes the period of his ministry in the family, as the tradition continues saying:
“And he is a minister for [the third] seven years.”
In this period the child is no more a servant. The gratification of the personality of the child requires that, as being the minister of the family, he should be consulted with and the things that he is capable of doing can be given to him to do. Consequently, the responsibility of the family in the child’s upbringing and education ends.
3.7: The Banes of Upbringing
A) Excessiveness in love
297. Imam al-Baqir (a.s.) said:“The worst father is he whose kindness is excessive, and the worst child is the one whose negligence makes him disobey [his parents].”
آفاتُ التَّأديبِ
الإفراطُ فِي المَحَبَّةِ
297. الإمام الباقر عليه السلام: شَرُّ الآباءِ مَن دَعاهُ البِرُّ إلَى الإِفراطِ، وشَرُّ الأَبناءِ مَن دَعاهُ التَّقصيرُ إلَى العُقوق
B) Excessiveness in reprimanding
298. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Excessive blame causes the fire of obstinacy to flame.”
299. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Avoid reprimanding constantly, for this act provokes the committing of sin and belittles [a real] reprimanding.”
300. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said, in one of the wise sayings attributed to him:“If you reprimanded a youth, leave for him a place [for excusing] from his fault, lest he would be drawn to coarseness.”
الإفراطُ فِي المَلامَةِ
298. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: الإِفراطُ فِي المَلامَةِ يَشُبُّ نيرانَ اللَّجاجِ
299. عنه عليه السلام: إيّاكَ أن تُكَرِّرَ العَتَبَ؛ فَإِنَّ ذلكَ يُغري بِالذَّنبِ، ويُهَوِّنُ العُتبَ
300. عنه عليه السلام- فِي الحِكَمِ المَنسوبَةِ إِلَيهِ: إذا عاتَبتَ الحَدَثَ فَاترُك لَهُ مَوضِعاً مِن ذَنبِهِ؛ لَئِلّا يَحمِلُهُ الإِخراج عَلَى المُكابَرَةِ
C) Disciplining at a time of anger
301. al-Kafi, narrating from ‘Ali ibn Asbat, from one of our companions [a Shi’i] who said:“The Prophet of Allah (s.a.w.) prohibited punishing at the time of anger.”
302. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“Disciplining is impossible with anger.”
التَّأديبُ عِندَ الغَضَبِ
301. الكافي عن عليّ بن أسباط عن بعض أصحابنا، قال: نَهى رَسولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله عَنِ الأَدَبِ عِندَ الغَضَبِ
302. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: لا أدَبَ مَعَ غَضَبٍ
D) Harshness
303. al-Kafi, narrating from Yunus ibn Ribat from Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) who said:“The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said: “May Allah bless he who helps his child in obeying him.”
Someone asked:“How can he help him in obedience?”
He (s.a.w.) said:“That he accepts as little as the child can do, he forgives whatever he cannot do, he should not overburden him and not ask him to do things too hard for him, for there is nothing between him and entering a realm of the realms of disbelief other than that he disobeys his parents or cuts the ties of his kin.”
304. Sahih Muslim, narrating from ‘A’ishah who said:“The Prophet of Allah never hit anyone with his hand, neither any woman nor any servant, except while fighting (jihad) in the path of Allah.”
305. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said, from the wise sayings attributed to him:“Give priority to justice over harshness and you will win love, and do not take action when speaking has an effect.”
306. ‘Uddah al-Da’i narrates that someone had said:“I complained to Abu al-Hasan Musa [al-Kazim] (a.s.) about my son and he said: “Do not beat him, but just forsake him and do not prolong it!”
الخُشونَةُ
303. الكافي عن يونس بن رباط عن الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: قالَ رَسولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله: رَحِمَ اللهُ مَن أعانَ وَلَدَهُ عَلى بِرِّهِ
قالَ: قُلتُ: كَيفَ يُعينُهُ عَلى بِرِّهِ؟
قالَ: يَقبَلُ مَيسورَهُ، ويَتَجاوَزُ عَن مَعسورِهِ، ولا يُرهِقُهُ، ولا يَخرَقُ بِهِ ، فَلَيسَ بَينَهُ وبَينَ أن يَصيرَ في حَدٍّ مِن حُدودِ الكُفرِ إلّا أن يَدخُلَ في عُقوقٍ أو قَطيعَةِ رَحِمٍ
304. صحيح مسلم عن عائشة: ما ضَرَبَ رَسولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله شَيئا قَطُّ بِيَدِهِ، ولَا امرَأَةً وَلا خادِماً، إلّا أن يُجاهِدَ في سَبيلِ اللهِ
305. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام- فِي الحِكَمِ المَنسوبَةِ إلَيهِ- قَدِّمِ العَدلَ عَلَى البَطشِ تَظفَر بِالمَحَبَّةِ، ولا تَستَعمِل الفِعلَ حَيثُ يَنجَعُ القَولُ
306. عدّة الداعي: قالَ بَعضُهُم: شَكَوتُ إلى أبِي الحَسَنِ موسى عليه السلام ابناً لي، فَقالَ: لا تَضرِبهُ، وَاهجُرهُ ولا تُطِل
3.8: Sex Education
A) Separating beds
307. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Separate the beds of a boy and a boy, a boy and a girl, a girl and a girl when they reach the age of ten.”
308. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“When your children become seven years old, separate their beds.”
309. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“When a child becomes seven years old, his teeth begin to fall, and when he is nine years old he is commanded to prayer, and when he is ten years old his bed must be separated.”
310. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“When boys turn ten, their beds are to be separated from those of women.”
التَّربِيَةُ الجِنسِيَّةُ
التَّفريقُ بَينَ الصَّبِيّ وَالصَّبِيّةِ فِي المَضاجِعِ
307. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: الصَّبِيّ وَالصَّبِيّ، وَالصَّبِيّ وَالصَّبِيَّةُ، وَالصَّبِيَّةُ وَالصَّبِيَّةُ يُفرَّقُ بَينَهُم في المَضاجِعِ لِعَشرِ سِنينَ
308. عنه صلى الله عليه وآله: إذا بَلَغَ أولادُكُم سَبعَ سِنينَ فَفَرِّقوا بَينَ فُرُشِهِم
309. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: يَثَّغِرُ الصَّبِيّ لِسَبعٍ، ويُؤمَرُ بِالصَّلاةِ لِتِسعٍ، ويُفَرَّقُ بَينَهُم فِي المَضاجِعِ لِعَشرٍ
310. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: يُفَرَّقُ بَينَ الغِلمانِ وَالنِّساءِ فِي المَضاجِعِ اذا بَلَغوا عَشرَ سِنينَ
B) Avoidance of looking at the private parts of the child and the child looking at those of others
311. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Parents should not look at their child’s private parts and it is not right that the child looks at the father’s private parts.”
312. al-Mustadrak ‘ala al-Sahihain, narrating from Muhammad ibn Bayad who said:“I was taken to the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) when I was ten years old and I had some torn clothing on my body and some of my private parts were seen. He (s.a.w.) said: “Cover his nakedness because the veneration of a child’s private parts is the same as veneration of that of an adult, and Allah does not look at one who reveals his private parts.”
313. Imam al-Baqir (a.s.) said:“‘Ali ibn al-Husayn [al-Sajjad] (a.s.) would say when delivery time of a woman approached: “Send out the women who are in the room. A woman must not be the first one to look at the newborn’s private parts.”
,
النَّهيُ عَنِ النَّظَرِ إلى عَورَةِ الطِّفلِ وبِالعَكسِ
311. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: لَيسَ لِلوالِدَينِ أن يَنظُرا إلى عَورَةِ الوَلَدِ، ولَيسَ لِلولَدِ أن يَنظُرَ إلى عَورَةِ الوَالِدِ
312. المستدرك على الصحيحين عن محمّد بن بياض: رُفِعتُ إلى رَسولِ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله في صِغَري وعَلَيّ خِرقَةٌ وقَد كُشِفَت عَورَتي، فَقالَ: غَطُّوا حُرمَةَ عَورَتِهِ؛ فَإِنَّ حُرمَةَ عَورَةِ الصَّغيرِ كَحُرمَةِ عَورَةِ الكَبيرِ
313. الإمام الباقر عليه السلام: كانَ عَلِيّ بنُ الحُسَينِ عليه السلام إذا حَضَرَ وِلادَةُ المَرأةِ قالَ: أخرِجوا مَن فِي البَيتِ مِنَ النِّساءِ؛ لا تَكونُ المَرأَةُ أوَّلَ ناظِرٍ إلى عَورَتِهِ
C) The permissible limit of kissing a boy and a girl
314. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“When a girl becomes six years old do not kiss her, and when a boy completes seven years of age he should not kiss women.”
315. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“When a free girl turns six years old, it is recommended that you do not kiss her.”
316. Tahdhib al-Ahkam, narrating from ‘Ali ibn“Aqabah, from one of the Shi’ah who said: “Abu al-Hasan [al-Kazim] (a.s.) was with Muhammad ibn Ibrahim who was the governor of Mecca and the husband of Fatimah, the daughter of Abu ‘Abdullah al-Sadiq (a.s.). Muhammad ibn Ibrahim had a daughter who used to be given beautiful clothing wear and she would come close to men and they would hug her. When she got to Abu al-Hasan [al-Kazim], he stopped her with his hands stretched out and said: “When a girl turns six it is not permissible for a foreign [non-mahram] man to kiss her and embrace her.”
حَدُّ جَوازِ تَقبيلِ الجارِيَةِ وَالغُلامِ
314. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: إذا بَلَغَتِ الجارِيَةُ سِتَّ سِنينَ فَلا تُقَبِّلها، وَالغُلامُ لا يُقَبِّلُ المَرأَةَ إذا جاوَزَ سَبعَ سِنينَ
315. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: إذا بَلَغَتِ الجارِيَةُ الحُرَّةُ سِتَّ سِنينَ فَلا يَنبَغي لَكَ أن تُقَبِّلَها
316. تهذيب الأحكام عن عليّ بن عقبة عن بعض أصحابنا: كانَ أبُو الحَسَنِ الماضي عليه السلام عِندَ مُحمَّدِ بنِ إبراهيمَ والي مَكَّةَ، وهُو زَوجُ فاطِمَةَ بِنتِ أبي عَبدِ اللهِ، وكانَت لِمُحَمَّدِ بنِ إبراهيمَ بِنتٌ تُلبِسُها الثِّيابَ وتَجيءُ إلَى الرِّجالِ فَيَأخُذُها الرَّجُلُ ويَضُمُّها إلَيهِ، فَلَمّا تَناهَت إلى أبي الحَسَنِ عليه السلام أمسَكَها بِيَدَيهِ مَمدودَتَينِ، قالَ: إذا أتَت عَلَى الجارِيَةِ سِتُّ سِنينَ لَم يَجُز أن يُقَبِّلَها رَجُلٌ لَيسَ هِيَ بِمَحرَمٍ لَهُ، ولا يَضُمَّها إلَيهِ
D) Asking Permission for Entering the Parents’ Room
“O you who believe! Do let those whom your right hands possess, and those of you who have not reached to puberty, ask permission of you at three times (for coming into your room): before the morning prayer, and at midday when you put off your clothes, and after the night prayer. (These are) three times of privacy for you. It is no sin for you or for them (if) after those (three times), some of you go round attendant upon the others. Thus, does Allah make clear the revelations for you; and Allah is All-knowing, All-wise.”
“And when the children among you reach puberty then let them ask permission even as those before them used to ask it. Thus, does Allah make clear His revelations for you? Allah is All-knower, All-wise.”
317. al-Sunan al-Kubra, narrating from ‘Ata’ ibn Yasar who said:“A man asked the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.): “O Messenger of Allah! Do I ask permission for entering to see my mother?”
He answered:“Yes.”
The man said:“I live in the same room with her.”
He (s.a.w.) said:“Ask permission from her.”
The man said:“I am serving her.”
The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“Do you like to see her naked?”
The man answered:“No.”
He (s.a.w.) said:“Then ask permission from her.”
318. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“A man came to the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) and said: “O Messenger of Allah! Do I ask permission when I want to enter and see my mother?”
He (s.a.w.) said:“Yes. Do you like seeing her naked?”
The man said:“No.”
He (s.a.w.) said:“Then ask for her permission.”
319. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“When a man wants to enter his father’s room, he should ask for permission, but it is not necessary for a father to ask permission from his son.”
He [then] said:“And he must ask for permission from his daughter and his sister when they are married.”
320. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“Those who are in your possession and those who have not reached puberty should ask permission in three times as Allah has commanded you. He who has reached puberty should not enter his mother’s room, nor his sister’s, or aunt’s room or the rooms of other people without permission. Do not give permission for entry unless he greets.”
321. al-Kafi, narrating from Muhammad ibn ‘Ali al-Halabi who said:“I asked Abu ‘Abdullah [al-Sadiq] (a.s.): “Must a man ask permission to enter his father’s room?”
He (a.s.) answered:“Yes. I used to ask permission from my father and my mother was not with him, but it was my father’s wife. My mother died when I was young. They might be doing something in their privacy that I would not like to interfere in, and nor would they like me to intrude. Giving greetings [for asking for permission to enter] is the most correct and better way.”
الاستِئذانُ لِلدُّخولِ إلَى الوالِدَينِ
(يا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لِيَسْتَأْذِنْكُمُ الَّذِينَ مَلَكَتْ أَيْمانُكُمْ وَ الَّذِينَ لَمْ يَبْلُغُوا الْحُلُمَ مِنْكُمْ ثَلاثَ مَرَّاتٍ مِنْ قَبْلِ صَلاةِ الْفَجْرِ وَ حِينَ تَضَعُونَ ثِيابَكُمْ مِنَ الظَّهِيرَةِ وَ مِنْ بَعْدِ صَلاةِ الْعِشاءِ ثَلاثُ عَوْراتٍ لَكُمْ لَيْسَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَ لا عَلَيْهِمْ جُناحٌ بَعْدَهُنَّ طَوَّافُونَ عَلَيْكُمْ بَعْضُكُمْ عَلى بَعْضٍ كَذلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمُ الْآياتِ وَ اللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ* وَ إِذا بَلَغَ الْأَطْفالُ مِنْكُمُ الْحُلُمَ فَلْيَسْتَأْذِنُوا كَمَا اسْتَأْذَنَ الَّذِينَ مِنْ قَبْلِهِمْ كَذلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ آياتِهِ وَ اللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ)
317. السنن الكبرى عن عطاء بن يسار أنَّ رَسولَ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله سَأَلَهُ رَجُلٌ فَقالَ: أستَأذِنُ يا رَسولَ اللهِ عَلى امِّي؟
فَقالَ: نَعَم. فَقالَ: إنِّي مَعَها فِي البَيتِ !
فَقالَ: استَأذِن عَلَيها. فَقالَ الرَّجُلُ: إنّي خادِمُها !
فَقالَ: أتحِبُّ أن تَراها عُريانَةً؟! قالَ: لا
قالَ: فَاستَأذِن عَلَيها
318. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: أتى رَجُلٌ إلى رَسولِ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله قالَ: يا رَسولَ اللهِ، هَل أستَأذِنُ عَلى امّي إذا أرَدتُ الدُّخولَ عَلَيها؟ قالَ: نَعَم، أيَسُرُّكَ أن تَراها عُريانَةً؟! قالَ: لا
قالَ: فَاستَأذِن عَلَيها إذاً
319. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: يَستأذِنُ الرَّجُلُ إذا دَخَل عَلَى أبيهِ، ولا يَستَأذِنُ الأَبُ عَلَى الابنِ
قالَ: ويَستأذِنُ الرَّجُلُ عَلَى ابنَتِهِ واختِهِ إذا كانَتا مُتَزَوِّجَتَينِ
320. عنه عليه السلام: لِيَستَأذِنِ الَّذينَ مَلَكَت أيمانُكُم وَالَّذينَ لَم يَبلُغُوا الحُلُمَ مِنكُم ثَلاثَ مَرَّاتٍ كَما أمَرَكُمُ اللهُ عزّ وجلّ، ومَن بَلَغَ الحُلُمَ فَلا يَلِجُ عَلى امِّهِ ولا عَلى اختِهِ ولا عَلى خالَتِهِ ولا عَلى سِوى ذلِكَ إلّا بإذنٍ، فَلا تَأذَنوا حَتّى يُسَلِّمَ
321. الكافي عن محمّد بن عليّ الحلبي: قُلتُ لِأَبي عَبدِ اللهِ عليه السلام: الرَّجُلُ يَستَأذِنُ عَلى أبيهِ؟ فَقالَ: نَعَم، قَد كُنتُ أستَأذِنُ عَلى أبي ولَيسَت امّي عِندَهُ، وإنَّما هِيَ امرَأَةُ أبي، تُوُفِّيَت أُمِّي وأنا غُلامٌ، وقَد يَكونُ مِن خَلوَتِهِما ما لا احِبُّ أن أفجَأَهُما عَلَيهِ، ولا يُحِبّانِ ذلِكَ مِنّي، وَالسَّلامُ أصوَبُ وأحسَنُ
F) The Danger of a Child Seeing his Parents Copulate
322. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:“By He who owns my soul, if one was to have intercourse with his wife in a room where a little child is awake and can see them and hear their voice and the sound of their breathing, that person will never prosper. If the child is a boy, he will become an adulterer, and if it is a girl, she will become an adulteress.”
322. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:“The Prophet of Allah prohibited that a man has intercourse with his wife while there is a baby in the cradle and looks at them.”
323. Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said:“At the time when there is a child in the room, a man should not have intercourse with his wife or with his bound-maid, for this act is among the things that causes adultery thereafter.”
خَطَرُ نَظَرِ الأَطفالِ إلى وِقاعِ الوَالِدَينِ
322. رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله: وَالَّذي نَفسي بِيَدِهِ، لَو أنَّ رَجُلًا غَشِيَ امرَأَتَهُ وفِي البَيتِ صَبِيّ مُستَيقِظٌ يَراهُما ويَسمَعُ كَلامَهُما ونَفَسَهُما ما أفلَحَ أبَداً؛ إذا كانَ غُلاماً كانَ زانِياً، أو جارِيَةً كانَت زانِيَةً
323. الإمام عليّ عليه السلام: نَهى رَسولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وآله أن يُجامِعَ الرَّجُلُ امرَأَتَهُ وَالصَّبِيّ فِي المَهدِ يَنظُرُ إلَيهِما
324. الإمام الصادق عليه السلام: لا يُجامِعِ الرَّجُلُ امرَأَتَهُ ولا جارِيَتَهُ وفِي البَيتِ صَبِيّ؛ فَإِنَّ ذلِكَ مِمَّا يورِثُ الزِّنا
Some Words about Sex Education
Like all other aspects of the human being, sexual instinct is something that is in need of training, and every culture and ideology has a particular view about this kind of training and education. From the viewpoint of Islam, sex education means providing the grounds of growth and education of the sexual drive in a manner that both sexual chastity is achieved and so is sexual wellbeing. This is one of the features of the viewpoint of religion in that not only does it attend to the sexual wellbeing of a person and his health, but it also focuses on the aspect of sexual chastity.
Another important point is that the attempts to acquire these goals are not subject to being at the age of puberty. According to religious teachings, sex education begins before the age of puberty and it starts from a very young age. Therefore, obtaining these goals in any age is in need of certain particular procedures and plans, and these are referred to in religious texts. The childhood period is the most important stage of life, and any mistake can lead to some irreparable future consequences.
Necessary Planning for Sexual Chastity
Some families do not pay enough attention to the sexual affairs of their children for the reason that they think their children are still too young, even though many of the things that children see or hear have a determining impact on their sexual behaviour in future. Both sexual chastity and deviation are existent in a child, and it should not be forgotten that learning in the childhood period is very effective. Whatever a child learns will be fixed and established in him like a carving on a stone, and whatever is given to him he accepts. This is why Islam has paid attention to this part of the child’s life and it has introduced some useful practical instructions which will be briefly pointed out here:
A- Covering the private parts
Looking at the private parts of a child and a child looking at the private parts of adults can be discussed from a jurisprudential and an upbringing point of view. From a jurisprudential point of view, it is not forbidden for a child to look at the private parts of an adult. It is also permissible for an adult to look at the private parts of a child, as long it is not a lustful look. However, the effects of covering and exposing cannot be ignored. The child being used to looking at other people’s private parts or others looking at his private parts belittles the vulgarity of this action and brings about negligence and makes indecency something normal. However, children who have not encountered these issues have higher resistance against sexual deviation and enjoy a higher level of chastity. Therefore, it is mentioned in religious texts that it is recommended that one should not look at a child’s private parts nor should he be allowed to look at the private parts of others, and also not to take children into the bathroom in a way that would make the private parts be exposed to others.
B- The reproach of a child being kissed by a non-mahram
Even though it is not jurisprudentially prohibited for a child to be kissed by a non-maÎram, but it does have a clear negative effect on a grown up child (who distinguishes between good and bad). Such things are recorded in the mind of a child and might be grounds for establishing relations with non-maÎrams in the future, making it difficult for him to observe chastity. Therefore, it is recommended that adults should not kiss children who are not maÎram to them.
C- Reproaching the playing with a child’s private parts
Playing with the sexual organs of a child may cause sexual stimulation and also premature puberty of the child. It teaches sexual perversion to the child and brings about sexual irregularity. Some Islamic narrations refer to this kind of playing as a branch of adultery, and such a harsh expression indicates the severe negative effect on the child. Therefore, in religious texts this action has been prohibited.
D- Separation of beds
When grown up children are to sleep in one bed, this may result in inappropriate bodily contact, premature sexual stimulation, and might even lead to unlawful relationships. One of the plannings of religion for preventing this impediment is the separating of sleeping arrangements between brothers and sisters and boys and girls.
E- Hiding any sexual contact of the parents from the children
The children’s awareness of the parents’ sexual relations is one of the factors that lead to sexual deviation. From the viewpoint of Islamic traditions, this practise has a close to certain and undeniable negative effect, and to prevent this, two solutions have been given: the child asking permission for entering into the parents’ room and their privacy, and the second is the practising of any sexual contact far from the presence of children.
Notes
He had been very skilful in composing poetry and his poems were mostly on the of virtues of the Commander of the faithful (a.s.) and introducing Ahlul Bayt (a.s.), and also describing their sufferings and pains. This was done so much to the extent that ‘Allamah Amini claims that he could find no poetry from this poet that was not about Ahlul Bayt (a.s.). He recited poetry for the people about ‘‘Ashura’ at the house of Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) and made them so sad that because of their wailing the people of Medina crowded behind that house.
He was one of the companions of Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) and his friendship was not an ordinary one. It was not for the sake of social interaction or because of living during the same time of the Imam (a.s.), but it was because of his sincere inclination, his pure friendship and his untainted faith, so much that the Imam (a.s.) wanted his followers to teach al-’Abdi’s poetry to their children since it was based on the religion of Allah. Some of his poems are mentioned in this book.
In early period of childhood, the controlled communications of a child to others is also an indication to some changes depending on the age.
A two year old child can manifestly control the behaviour of those around him in particular delicate ways, and which he also does. Yet, he is never able to make others accept the conducts he has in mind in an ideal form with enjoying directions which are sometimes partial, oral, with bodily movement, bodily exhibitions, and the like which can be done by a six year old. Finally, the child who is in the state of growth can control his behaviour in an increasing form. (Rushdshenakhti, p. 106).
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Author: M. Mohammadi Rayshahri
